emotional neglect: 10 hidden signs

[@einahsirro1488]

"Only safe when you're alone." Yep.

[@leesmith7727]

There is some truth to this because you avoid being questioned. You don't want to explain yourself anymore than an abuser does.

[@ivyarianrhod]

There's obviously truth to this; that's why we feel it.@@leesmith7727

[@KA-mq4wj]

After my abusive divorce from a narcissistic husband and going no contact with my narc mother, I felt so free and peaceful. I liked being alone because frankly my whole existence was being alone. You accept being alone because marriage and childhood was so lonely and abusive.

[@cindykammerzell3937]

@@KA-mq4wjBlessings.

[@Shunarjuna]

Absolutely.

[@yaffa7174]

I was taken away from my parents age 6, because I had asthma and was missing school. I was sent to a boarding school.. I saw my parents for 2 hours on the first Saturday of every month. My mum felt sorry for the kids that didn't get visitors and spent all her time with them. I feel guilty because I was jealous. I went back home at ages 9 to a family that i just didn't know.. I never seemed to fit back in.. They were a family Been lost all my life.. Im married, 64, and live in my bedroom.. I feel safe on my own.. I dont really have anything to say to anyone. Looking forward to being with Jesus.. Hes my blessed hope...

[@laramauss1948]

i understand you, I am sorry for you and me, the world isn’t a fair place!

[@thrivewithjesus5216]

The longer I live, all the more I understand what kind of evil I went through as a child. I look at my own children and I would rather die than hurt them in the ways I was hurt. I can't help but think its demonic and evil.

[@carladee8983]

You're right, it is demonic. There may be powerful spiritual strongholds in our lives that we need persistent prayer over to cast out and prevent the harm from being passed down. God bless and protect us 🩷🙏🏼

[@Ulysses.S.Grant.For.The.Union.]

I hear you. I grew up abused in every way you can think of. But my son is spoiled, loved and respected. He has a stable home, all his needs met. Only downfall is dad works too hard to make those things happen for him. Mom is stay at home and takes good care of him.

[@MadBadSadAndGlad]

It is a terrible sin t hurt children in anger/spite. An adult has no right t abuse a defenseless child. Blv me I know how damaging it is t a kid on b abused by a violent parent. Screw them. Get away from them.

[@amberv4223]

I understand, me too x❤

[@justmemother2]

Having a narcissistic parent, I study narcissism. They say there is a demonic root to it 😢 At least I am learning thru people like Dr. Kim about what happened to me way back when. It is very helpful. Thanks Dr! 😊

[@MochaBrady]

I felt that my mother and father had me and then said, “ ok then raise yourself”. I was messed up for many years in adulthood but, I’m finally in a place where I feel stable. People have also noticed and commented that I am a very balanced person. Most of the time I am, but I still have my moments. Anyway, reading my Bible, praying, meditating and spending time alone with God has changed me. I know now that I am never alone and that I don’t need any person to justify who I am because I know who I am. I helped myself in this way and now I’m in a position to help other people which I enjoy doing. Please try to let go of the anger and resentment of the past. Look to now and to the future. You can’t change the past but, you can make your present and future a wonderful journey. I did and so can you. God does not favour anyone over another person. Only humans do that not God. What he did for me he will do for you too all you have to do is ask sincerely with all your heart and forgive and let go of the past. Let it go just give it to God. What do you have to lose except anger, hurt and resentment. Trade it it for love, joy and peace. I wish you all the very best.

[@loridelia8806]

I agree ❤ God is healing me. The Bible is so powerful!! Thank you 🙏 God bless you and everyone who is healing from childhood trauma ❤

[@jxn1056]

Amen, God is so good! Reading my bible, and prayer has really helped me over the years. I'm 40 and I am finally healing and finding peace ❤ My dad was wonderful, God rest his soul....but my mother....was totally emotionally never available.. I feel like I was her oops baby...never wanted. I had to finally go no contact a few years ago. I couldn't take the toxic narcissism a second longer. I worked so hard to break those generational curses! ❤Hugs! I totally understand!

[@catherineshines]

I love this, you know what I learned? Having a childhood like this isn’t always easy but it provides the opportunity to get to know your REAL Father! ❤

[@carladee8983]

Amen. God bless 🩷

[@realtalk4994]

God isn't the solution for everyone, and I personally think it's dangerous to lead people to "God" as a solution for their trauma, because "God" does not just have one interpretation or form. Far from it. There are endless interpretations. Which one depends entirely on who you're talking to, and not everyone is talking about the same God but they tend to speak as if they are. Furthermore plenty of people use religion to rope people into further trauma and chaos, intentionally or not. I won't tell y'all your experiences with God are invalid for *you*, but please stop trying to apply and pass that on to other people. There are millions upon millions who have already been traumatized by religion and/or are at risk for further trauma, and you aren't being as helpful as you think you are. Maybe your church is great. However there are thousands that aren't, and not everyone can go to yours.

[@nicolataylor6011]

My mother told me my dad was dead in a car crash..he was late home 🙄 I was 3.. she use to pretend to be dead when he came home from work because she was jealous that he went up to see me first..she had a heart condition and used that to manipulate her own way.. he then told me he thought we where going to loose her early on so I'd better be a good girl and help..I was 7 and that was the first time I felt the fear in the stomach which is now anxiety. My dad was an alcoholic and physically abusive with me probably because he was being manipulated by her..I am remembering so many abusive events from my childhood at nearly 60 and am trying to heal myself..To the outside world we where the perfect family

[@TwdlD]

I am 50. My mother followed the guidance of "let them cry it out" for babies. This was a recommendation that was popular during the mid to late 1960s and onward. I had been suspecting that she was raised in this manner, but even her mother disagreed to no avail. Our mother always had her nose in a book and couldn't be bothered.

[@leesmith7727]

Did she put food on the table and shoes on your feet? Was she present enough to know you needed a bath? My Mom struggled with those things and I don't accuse her. For a while I lived off mayo and sugar sandwiches. What were you crying about?

[@rhyfeddu]

​@@leesmith7727#1) It's not a competition. #2) The video is about emotional neglect, not physical neglect. The commenter is on topic.

[@SecondFloor2311]

@@rhyfeddu yeah I don't know what this person's problem is but they're reacting to so many comments under this video, very self-centered and weirdly judgmental or just mean, especially when considering the topic of this video. Very sad.

[@rhyfeddu]

@@SecondFloor2311 Didn't see they were spreading it throughout all comments; too bad. They're obviously in their anger about their own experience, but got the wrong targets in their sights - other people hurt in other ways. Shame.

[@ivyarianrhod]

Shut up. Your trauma is not more valid than anyone else's.@@leesmith7727

[@FrenchTwist]

At 72 I too am still on the journey to understand and move forward

[@junecoleman9030]

I grew up under the threat of punishment….wait till your Father comes home…he will deal with u…my Mother loved when I made simple mistakes..stuff them '!!!!!!!

[@Insideoutie]

I look at other people showing emotion and I am straight away skeptical. I see other people using emotions as a way of manipulating me. I was forced (painfully) to stop crying at about 9 years old. I finally understand emotional neglect.

[@MT-tg4bt]

It was very difficult for me to trust others who were emotionally expressive also and I still have don't know how to use emotional expression in relating to others. I will think I've said too much, that my voice wavering betrays weakness and lack of self control only to discover that to the other participant I'm stone faced. There Are some people who never got hurt in the ways we did that sincerely have breadth and depth of emotion And they let it show. Some of them even see the value in us and come to us with their hurts because they genuinely believe in our abilities to hear them and witness their pain (or anger, or happiness etc) without discomfort or judgements. Those folks are not the ones who will tell us we are ice royalty with poker faces ;)

[@joselynnschmidt5795]

I'm like this in some aspect too. Like if my dad tries to make me feel special I doubt it. I numb it. But who knows maybe getting it from someone you trust more can indeed help, but who knows... it depends on how bad you have it, I guess.

[@tannaorr4133]

Lived it. Spot on, been dealing with the aftermath for 70+ yrs. Glad to have confirmation on what I’ve been working on for so much of my life.

[@lisamertz]

Thank you for this clarity on neglect, Dr. Sage! How many of us boomers had fathers who had recently returned home from WW2 with rage issues and undiagnosed PTSD? My father was off the charts rageaholic when I was little. My childhood emotions were seen as stupid and selfish, and were mocked. Around 9 yrs old, I started spending weekends reading in my room or going to double feature movie matinees because being around the family was always hurtful. Now, in my later life, I spend a lot of time by myself.

[@francoisbroukx1244]

I don't know if it is because I'm a man, but on point 7; "long to feel special", I had an opposite experience, for as far I can remember, even before I was 10, people would tell me I was "special", just before excluding me, at school nobody wanted to talk with me, my only friends were my books, I was reading a lot. Later on my work, I have a "funny" anecdote: a new guy came in our section, it was a biker, rock type; after about a week, he's coming to me and ask me:"why can I not talk with you?", not understanding the meaning of the question or where he is talking about, I answer "what do you mean?", the following sentence stunned me:"the boss told me that, if I wanted to avoid problems, I'd better not talk with you.", and that is the story of my life, people avoid me because I am "special", what ever that means, I never had an explanation, I am "just special". When I look in the mirror, I see a guy 5ft3, 100Lbs, the only thing is, people tell me: the way I walk, when I was younger, I was in a ballet school; but I don't think that explains the avoidance. I remember as teen, crying in my bed,wandering how to be "normal".

[@krembryle]

Relatable. I think most people grow up realizing they aren't special after all that their parent said to them and then begin longing to feel special. Meaning you can long for both in your lifetime, or that you would be special, but in a good way.

[@sazupupu]

You are great just the way you are. ❤

[@melissawalker7570]

Special is not a great description in Australia to give someone it means they have a disability generally referred to as a bit slow. I think the term was used in a negative way to describe you unfortunately but love yourself instead of relying on others. Love your strengths, forgive your weaknesses, if you like dogs they love you back unconditionally. I wish you healing and acceptance I’m right behind you on the path.

[@barbaraannscarlet7885]

I bet you're very cool in some ways..

[@leesmith7727]

This is funny. Special like a birthday. Be careful though, they have created a narrative around you that can get you denied a promotion. It isn't what you know it is who you know and someone has you isolated.

[@jasonwimberly5636]

Life is amazing like that. That a person can go through so much for so long and not even realize the significance of seemingly everyday things that have impacted them in so many ways.

[@bluecoffee8414]

Exactly

[@unoffendable3496]

I can see how my parents were emotionally neglected to. How could they give me what wasn't given to them? To them, growing up in the depression resulted in all they wanted was warm shelter and clothes and food to eat. I did get that and that was their best. God bless my parents, they did do their very best

[@mayablack6010]

My mum has never said good morning to me, she doesn’t even really acknowledge me when I walk into the same room as her, but she’s not a bad mum, she doesn’t hate me or physically hurt me, she’s just a bit distant. She buys me what I want, offers me food, but she’s never really complimented me, or greeted me, or asked me how my day was, or when I’m visibly upset she’ll just kind of distance herself from me but will send me money to order food or buy that game I wanted. It’s clear she loves me, I know that, now at least, when I was young I wasn’t so sure because she didn’t hug me like I saw other kids get treated by their mothers. I could probably count all the times she’s ever hugged me on one hand, most of them felt forced, but some of them I could tell she really needed, like when I went missing at the shop and she finally found me or when I was 15 and I got really drunk and tried to jump off a building (not a suicide attempt, I was just drunk). I think she just has a lot of her own problems and trauma, as nice as my grandparents seem now, I know they weren’t the best when she was a kid, my grandad was an alcoholic and my nana worked a lot so she wasn’t home. She only really got better when they had another child, I just wished they could’ve sorted theirselves out for my mum, because she deserved better. Damn, sorry for ranting.

[@squeakyscauldron]

You also deserve better ❤

[@susanerhodes]

This was so good. I'm 66, and I'm just now starting to understand what happened to me.

[@Marcycat7]

I had too much working against me as a child. Narcissist father, a mother with mental illness. At six years old, my parents divorced. I didn't see them for two years. Alot of neglect in every way in childhood. Loneliness as a child. Nobody cared about it. I have ptsd which I'm still working on.

[@deborahbailey8246]

I am sending this video to my seventeen year old daughter. I have suffered most of my life from neglect as child to abuse and then on to narcasstic abuse as a teenage mom. This explains a lot for me and I pray that it will help my child bc she does shut me out when her dad goes into his raging moments of his Narcassism. I don’t know how else to help he she said she would love some video to help her cope with how her life is…. Yes parental alienation is real. She is mistreated for the times she talks with me on the phone. I live several hours away. Lord please help us!🙏❤️

[@rover790]

❤❤❤❤❤❤ love and warm fuzzies to you and your daughter

[@janetblanc7658]

Is your daughter living with her narcissistic Dad? That is not a good situation for her.

[@lovenature4802]

​@@janetblanc7658I agree totaly

[@bluecoffee8414]

Kim one thing I'm so grateful is you mention in some videos is trauma from frequent moving. My dad was a senior diplomat so I went to SEVEN schools in 6 countries with an incredibly volatile mother and emotionally shut down father. I recently let it sink in that every time we moved my ENTIRE world and friends evaporated overnight and my parents never - not one time - asked how i felt about that nor made the slightest attempt to help me stay in contact with friends. this is pre internet and pre Skype calls and long distance landline calls cost a fortune. One time I missed my close friends after a move and made several phone calls , secretly, and when the bill came my mom flew into an absolute volcano rage. But then never not once thought to do one thing to help me stay in touch with anyone. She even gave my dogs away. TWICE. I have never owned a dog from acquisition to death. Now when I'm finally, fully verbalising and feeling this, I literally can't believe I haven't been more angry about this.

[@Sunni5050]

I've come to understand that it was all about their projection of their deficiency onto me, the sponge. I'm glad you can explain what was really happening. It helps a lot to process it all.By the way, I love your wallpaper!❤

[@leslietinyhousebuilderwann3851]

All your bullet points I can relate to. My oldest daughter and I are just now starting to talk again. Thankfully her counseling and my own have opened the doors to us having a relationship. The generational emotional neglect is so sad. My hope is that we will continue to be close. I love both my girls and I will make a conscious effort to let them both know they are loved by me. Thank you for your videos. They have helped in understanding why and what or what not happened.

[@MrsOlden]

Knowing is good, I'm not able to feel differently. I had people to show me true acceptance, but was over whelmed by the ones who didn't. So now I'm stuck, awkward and fearful of friendship. I don't enjoy being celebrated at Birthday, asking me to be at center stage. Just backstage, kitchen help etc. It's also easy for my friends to drop off example stop calling me, inviting me never wanting to take my picture. I ask they cut my head off etc it gives me a sick feeling Little kids and senior people like me though But that not enough for reasons oh well. So what thank you for giving me a place to share this. God bless you.

[@melissahoffman9433]

Thank you for this. Feeling like a burden growing up did teach me my independence but it really gets in my way. 🙏🏼

[@jmtrs79]

This video helped me so much. Thank you. It’s bittersweet knowing i’m not alone in this because i would never wish what i have suffered upon anyone else ❤

[@suzannetunnicliffe2422]

Just watching and listening to what you say hits home for me. I'm 61 and felt I was alone, rejected and nothing. It really hurts.

[@mestis343]

I was put in fostercare, moved from 3 homes at the age of 3. An autism diagnose sounds like an excuse. I've been treated so badly by healthcare for it, and it's such a shame for them who actually wants to have it as a diagnose.

[@mestis343]

@@AL-wn2tt Thank you for the kind words! It's fine, Its a part of life. Either you dwell on it or accept it. sure it's there, but acceptance is key in my opinion. Everyone has their story. I'm sure she did her best, and I could appreciate that personally. I don't know you , but I think you know what I mean. Thank you, once again.

[@FionaAWolfe01]

I understood at age 3 that no one was coming, no one believes I'm worth fighting for, I will have to deal with it on my own.

[@chelseagirl278]

New sub here. Love your channel. Everything you said was me. I was broken for decades, but recently healed by my Heavenly Father ❤. Thank you Lord 🙏 Love 💗 your Kitty 🐱 cat! 🐈

[@heyitsme5469]

I feel so seen when I watch your videos, Dr Kim. Thank you, I have experienced every single one of these things.

[@karate4348]

I am gobsmacked at the polite civil way we are taught to be 'social' rather than speaking and hearing truth. Given the abuse/neglect children go through in every street, usually in secret...that they then have to 'perform' at school, church, shopping etc is mad. Children should be crying, screaming, telling what's happening to them. Children and adults grown out of this should have safe havens, volunteers protecting and staying with them to help the truth, energy around it to come out. We need houses and forests, rivers, mountains...thousands of healing places with caring strong people and caring strong people to help them. This is literally a no brainer... Children and hurt children in adults need access to free care and respite, familiar community care..not a get ahead no sense competitive society. Personal is political and vice versa.

[@patsytyler2199]

Yes, all 10 apply to me too. I am so brainwashed that I can't bring myself to go for therapy. I say, what's the point, at 77? It struck me that so many comments showed that so many of my generation were mistreated this way.

[@erykahhoney588]

#7 is one of my main feelings. I’m just truly seeing this and accepting it and figuring out how to manage it. I don’t want to be famous lol but.. I do want to be acknowledged. I feel like I’m watched a lot and my ideas are stolen, I’m constantly criticized but for things that ppl “admire” about me but for some reason they won’t/can’t tell me. I also don’t ask for help, each time I have it’s a disaster and. I’ve ended up regretting it.

[@kathyb-jf4oo]

Thank you for this video. I enjoyed your shorts but as a dyslexicI couldn’t read your content easily. Please can you read out your words? It’s brave to do this work and I appreciate you and want to easily see what you’re saying. Bless you for stepping forward to share your work and life stories ❤ thank you

[@lostsoul4021]

We set our life the way that reinforces that. That line hits hard

[@Lilyscoobs77]

I have always felt isolated from the rest of the world, as if standing outside a fence watching the world going around me but not inclusive of me (feeling like a misfit emotionally estranged from others).

[@JillGrant-e7f]

I was the scapegoat in my family right from the get-go. I was the middle child - a girl - with four brothers, two older and two younger. They treated me the way my parents treated me and got away with it. I lived in my bedroom most of the time. I have always felt like I don't belong in this world. I have lived alone for nearly thirty five years since my second divorce and I am very happy with my life now. It is safe. At 75 there is no point in attempting the 'work'. I am also an INFJ with all the attributes that come with that, but that just made it even harder for people to relate to me. But I am being true to myself now - at long last. No more more masks.

[@doricetimko5403]

❤

[@smc130]

It seems many of us are INFJ. Are there any statistics on that? Maybe it’s significant.

[@TheRapnep]

Same for me. In my case, I had 4 older brothers and 1 younger brother. I NEVER felt special. Ever. I was nothing but a maid servant to everyone, including my mother. I wasn't treated in any special way, being the only girl. I was controlled by my mother and felt if I didn't do what she wanted, I would disappoint her and she wouldn't love me. I often felt she loved my brothers more. On many occasions, in addition to the emotional abuse, there was physical abuse because it was easier to beat on me, the girl, the punching bag of the family. I just never felt like I counted. I was always shuffled here and there, and learned to be on my own. At night in bed, I would imagine how they would feel if I died and would dream of my funeral. I was, and am, a loner, and very shy and a social misfit. I'm 68 now and I haven't seen my 3 living brothers in 28 years, since our mother's funeral. I can't remember much of my dysfunctional childhood or early teen years, and I know it's because I blocked them out. My dad wasn't around much because of his drinking, and I barely remember him, but I miss him. He was easygoing. Does that make sense? He died less than a month into his 46th year from cancer. I've learned to live with what I experienced, but I wish I knew why I was treated the way I was. I'll never know. I'm sorry this happened to you, too. Like they say, whatever doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger. ❤ Blessings!+

[@Lovebuzz11-11]

omg, spent so much of my life saying, why do you hate me? .. .. exactly!

[@lorettazwarts4847]

This is me . Thank you. Love your lovely and serene backgrounds.

[@santasantinagatta]

Thank you, Dr. Sage. Have a magnificent day.

[@DrKimSage]

You as well❤

[@kenoreyna4593]

It felt so good today when i got triggered and imediatly was able to regulate. Instead of being a slave to my emotions and my past. Recovery and healing does happen with hard work but it is continous and forever on going thank you Dr. Kim Sage .

[@elmonterrosa]

I bury myself in shows when I can’t stand the loneliness. I don’t know how to ask for help-it’s so scary. I hardly have any friends too and it makes me sad to see people in groups celebrating and I don’t have that and I feel like I never will. I want change so badly.

[@ladyspellbreaker1313]

Love and healing blessings to you all 🙏🏽💓🙏🏽

[@Abe-rz1nm]

I get what you say about asking for help - just can't do it. My mother was just horrible. She didn't hug me - not even once, not even to comfort me, never said she loved me or made me feel wanted. To this day if I am upset I hate it when people try to hug me, I just want to be alone. She never said a nice thing about me and took everyone opportunity to put me down. She loved to laugh at me or humiliate me. My father was a narcissist and like the cuddles so at least I got some physical affection from him but I was a prop to make him look good. I couldn't talk to them about anything, on the other hand I had to hide everything from them. They isolated me and didn't let me socialise so I spent most of my childhood locked up in my room - I literally had a lock on my door. My brother who was abusive and separated lived with us for a while and used to beat his kids. I've spent most of my life pretending to fit in.

[@Kahvinporo]

Man this deeply resonates with me..

[@pamelajeananderson80]

We learned to not ask for help or anything because when we did we were shut down by the reaction we got for asking. IF they had to help they made sure that you felt so bad for asking. Anything from acting like it was such a burden for them to brush our hair (as a child) to helping with homework, or needing something basic like shoes or clothes. If they had to buy things they made sure you felt guilty as heck for them having to spend money. You learn to not go through the hassle of asking for help because you don’t want to go through the humiliation again. So you end up doing everything by yourself which comes with huge risk for mistakes when you are young and in experienced because no one took the time to teach you. Which in turn end up you at risk for more berating because you made a mistake and now they have to fix it or you are just left to find your own way out. think this ends up becoming so traumatic (among the millions of other trauma dealing with them) that you end up shutting down completely not taking any more chances at anything in fear of mistake therefore never really getting anywhere except stuck with them & their behavior for life.

[@barbarabolandtizio4650]

Thank you. You explained a lot of what I’ve been experiencing.

[@Rafaela20242]

I love your videos and the longer the better ❤ and your background is beautiful already!

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

I've bought the audiobook "Running on Empty" - I heard of it from Tim Fletcher. I've yet to listen to it, though the title struck me as one fitting very well.

[@Mystic_Light]

🫶 thank you, Kim.

[@Luchamom]

Self soothing, needing to be alone and stimming! Me 100 %. It's been the normal for me for many years.

[@ctr2661]

Just want to say thank you Kim. Your videos are incredibly helpful and validating. You are doing amazing work on this channel 👏

[@belladonna3249]

Oooh I love your 🐈. I find a sleeping cat therapeutic. Hope to see more of her/him

[@jefft1651]

Such soft warm calming voice and subject matter seems to make sense...hope flowers in background were given to show your inner beauty....best and thanks

[@Suelynngrr]

Very helpful, thank you Dr. Kim. Love your cat. ♥

[@secrethealinghacks1913]

72 now. I used to go alone to the neighbors swing set. I would lose myself in swinging. 3 to 4 hours. I’m surprised that no one ever came to find me. I was just 8-9 years old. Dissociation?

[@ratics29x]

i believe there comes a time to leave some parts of our dreams to walk in reality. and find a adult dream.

[@jessicah7556]

Thank you for this Kim ❤

[@sandramoorewilliams5384]

Great information - helps a lot.

[@seahorse251]

Oh Kim the story of my life. Hugs. ❤

[@geoffmccoll4640]

When you have to beg for a hug once a year or two, it becomes a habit for loneliness

[@Charlotte-Willow]

More Cocoa! Please make a Cocoa exclusive. It would be very comforting for some of us ;)

[@tanyas.3812]

I think I’ll come back here.

[@joannebeerens6206]

I had to find a saviour, in HIM I am learning to live and trusting HIM...Learning to lean on JESUS. HE CARES.. I HIDE under HIS WINGS...

[@honorburza9110]

4:55 I remember when my partner’s dad was in hospital recovering from a heart attack, I said at least he is alive. My dad died on the spot it was too late to save him. I’m sure that was taken as an unempathetic response.

[@kennethjmurphy3364]

I knew my parents were burdening me with their burdens both in different ways from both sides plus being blamed by my brother for what.. I didn't know. It was only after taking it to God did I learn what it was. I saw that the would not carry their own burdens and God's word is: let each person carry their own burden. And also : take my you upon you, for my burden in light.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I can't be bothered with my narc dad. he is controlling and critical(both at the same time), I deserve a better father. We do not live with each other(thankfully), I am 60, he's still nitpicking. I gave up on his abuse.

[@rg1whiteywins598]

You can deveop great empathy without becoming co-dependent . Im living proof. But it takes a lot of hard work.

[@richardjohanson6421]

Exactly... Narcissistic Parents.... Jerry Wise on youtube also... came from war years our parents... emotional neglected

[@sunny.sun00]

this was so validating, thank you

[@cindysmith1700]

This was me. And I don’t feel I gave my daughter what she needed. And I am married to someone and there is no connection

[@Gunna5067]

So very helpful , thanks! I needed this now. ❤

[@marthafitch4069]

Yes, yes, yes, especially no9

[@pegsvintagethings6222]

Very much my experience

[@jenniferwhisks9248]

With my partner of 3 years I experienced him with all of these situations and emotions and reactions 💔

[@x-mess]

This explains so much

[@leoniphelan5278]

Thank you Dr Sage for another excellent video. The self-blame, shame and self-abandonment is a huge hurdle for me too. The critical voice is insidious and the shame feels like it is at a cellular level. With support from a trauma therapist, I am working on noticing that blaming / shaming harsh inner voice. Then offering self-love and self-compassion at those moments. But it is so surprising how powerful and persistent it is. 🩵

[@joycebruhn1346]

a,, women are emotionally neglected .. men too ..if you read posts of young women they never hug or get hugged its creepy to hug unless its your mom or dad wow i lived in a world where we hugged i mean i got tons of hugs non creepy this is a really cold world

[@barbpace-lamb]

I’ve asked for help to no avail

[@codzy3532]

im 60 a woman was bullied at school and went home to a not so loving family i had to learn a lot of things i have 2 bros 3 sisters what i grew up with today i get uncomfortable with family things dont like doing family things get togethers bar b ques parties nope dont like it just hate anything family i get uncomfortable dont know how to hug kiss on the cheek things ugh i hate i dont know if this stems from my family upbringing i feel kinda sad when i see movies about family get togethers but at the same time i cant stand it whats the matter with me i ask my only peace joy love contentment is my faith in God if i didnt know him id be dead thats the honest truth so if u could enlighten me to why i feel like this id be a little bit more happier within myself God bless

[@xaennaluna]

eating ''frozen meals'' while dissociating in freeze mode... very fitting name for it, lol

[@raforbis1]

I would never ask a person for anything

[@carolcottle8157]

With all this insight, how are you feeling Dr Kim? Are you being heeled in your heart? It will help to know whether to look forward to a relief from this pain that its hard and it's physical impact. I know and hear all this knowledge and can override it for others need for love but are we to live with this pain or...?

[@humpy936]

Hmm, well that’s me, I always isolate!

[@lornapelta-crooks6642]

Thank you ❤

[@patriciaowens3479]

Thanks dear 😊

[@July41776DedicatedtoTheProposi]

Thank you and thank coco!

[@liesieadvertensies7341]

thank you.

[@tamioconnell8976]

Great video. I related to a lot of it.

[@marthabergin9023]

Can relate. Thank you.

[@CherStrong-y9k]

Thank you

[@TrainerLiz1]

Great mic! SO how do we heal?

[@raforbis1]

I was born a wolf, I had to figure it out for myself.

[@rockyreinakotya]

Dr. Kim, my son is autistic and I strongly believe he has childhood CPTSD. He also has impaired cognitive functioning and low processing speed. We are trying to explore the best type of therapy for him. Are you able to recommend something for his stabilization? Thank you!

[@martieholmes2424]

Emotional neglect from a husband or kids is very painful. It’s not always from parents.

[@deborahrotondo7792]

Not asking for help, that's me,it terrifies me.

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

SO MUCH INSIGHT in this one ❤🫂Ty🥹😌

[@juliadaruwalla8007]

60 years now, beginning to understand what happened to me. Through people like you. Thank you.

[@mysticgardener2704]

Yes me too. Years of not understanding how trauma affected me. I have all these symptoms. What a relief to be validated and seen. Now let the healing begin

[@pambrown5382]

Same, 65 yrs old last year when I figured out what happened me

[@prajnajois4065]

Sending all of you my love, empathy and best wishes ❤

[@carolinebarrow5784]

Bless your heart, me too

[@carinwiseman4309]

Ditto

[@PaulDesJardinsEntertainment]

Thanks for caring about us Kim.

[@DrKimSage]

It's really an honor that you are here. I truly appreciate that you all let me be here this way. 🙏

[@dariaiakymenko8851]

@@DrKimSage❤❤❤

[@jemrosekoontz189]

Yes, I buried myself in music and records starting at age 2. I am 72 now.

[@jeanetterawlings6132]

I was born in 1961. I know the words to EVERY SONG THAT CAME ON THE RADIO!! So much so that I would be riding in the car with my ex-husband and singing every song and he would get tired of me singing and then keep changing the station and ultimately turning the radio off!!😵‍💫

[@rosemariemann1719]

@@jeanetterawlings6132 Hmph! He should have learned the words and joined in, the Old Grump! And he could have sung HIS favourites, and you learn them ! Singing together is a lovely feeling.🇬🇧😊🌈🎼 🇬🇧🎼🌈💙🦉🎼🇬🇧

[@rosemariemann1719]

Hello, "jemrosekoontz" Im 76 and have loved Music all my life.🎼💙. It has been a valuable "Constant Companion", especially all the well loved Classics that have stood the test of time.🎼💙😊 🇬🇧😊🎼💙🦉🌈🇬🇧

[@kikismama]

Music is everything to me and has been a part of my DNA as well - I knew every single song on the radio and would sit in my room listening to music all the time.

[@cynthiaforsythe8989]

Beatles Forever 🇬🇧

[@Cheznrice]

All 10! The one that stands out the most, feeling special. I was constantly told that i was not special, by my mother. It still hurts at 53.

[@Abe-rz1nm]

Same. My mother felt like shit about herself and she saw no reason why I shouldn't as well. Took every opportunity to put me down and shame me.

[@leesmith7727]

It sounds like you wanted more than your fair share and got cut down to size. I have to remind myself I am not special to be mindful of other people. We all want to be the center piece but that placement is for God.

[@erykahhoney588]

Same. I started to notice this in my mid-late 30’s

[@ivyarianrhod]

EVERYONE wants to feel special, at least in their parents' eyes. Wanting more than their fair share? You are victim blaming and adding to others' feelings of shame. @@leesmith7727

[@DocSnipes]

That’s awful. It's important to treat yourself with kindness and understand that your past experiences do not define your worth or future.

[@reminiscingyesteryear6052]

You are describing me to a tee. Presently, I am completely shutdown, turned off to all relationships. I quit people, live in isolation. I do not know what to do to stop this.

[@leaterry1504]

I'm so sorry. God bless you. God sees you!

[@Pandatwirly]

Same! I ‘m there too. I’m sorry 💗

[@JayCee539]

Same here

[@Artisane23]

Same here. Feels like I'm in a freeze all the time. Years by now and I truly don't know how to get out of it. Tried therapy. Didn't work. It feels so safe and comfortable to stay in this mode. Why would I want to change that? It also feels unhealthy.

[@lindajakub624]

Me too