SIGNS: YOUR INNER CHILD IS MAKING ALL THE DECISIONS. | DR. KIM SAGE

*FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:
www.drsagehelp...
**************************
Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. EGGSHELL PARENTS: BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**
xo
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at [e-mail] and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load.
* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents (due to state licensing and insurance requirements for myself) for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.

[@khadijahnyabinghi]

Being triggered as an adult from past childhood trauma is so distressing.

[@sciwiz57]

Spent a lifetime blaming myself and being a caretaker for several women which never, ever worked! Your statement “ I’m only alright if you’re alright” hit the mark. You are a treasure Kim.

[@user-od5hr3up6g]

A lot of ppl have a child driving the bus. Hence the importance of grace and kindness.

[@mysticmoth1111]

You can often see it pretty clearly too.

[@jerrymoore838]

This is so true

[@bellaluce7088]

The myth that the only way to heal is through therapy is repeated so often these days that I feel you're doing an important public service by mentioning other things in the same breath like books and healthy relationships. THANK YOU for that! I've recently learned that I'm not alone in having been *set back* in my healing by "blank slate" therapists whose lack of expression or verbal feedback echoed the extreme emotional neglect of my childhood. That left me feeling judged and even more inherently flawed and unhelpable. In contrast, books, articles, and the game changing KZbin content created by you and other therapists like Patrick Teahan, Dr. Ingrid Clayton, Dr. Ramani, Jay Reid, etc. who share your stories and knowledge of psychology so generously has supercharged my healing. ❤ *THANK YOU!* ❤

[@vivianworden]

I think the defining factor is professional vs self therapy. Therapy is needed. What you're doing is therapy. It just isn't with someone one on one that you paid for.

[@HeavenlyPresley-Tonya]

@@vivianworden YESSSS!!!! Never found a therapist - That understood or even tried to understand me -- and I am 56

[@mandarinadreux9572]

I personally think therapy is not for everyone. I think it's also not for me which is why, I think, I've never actively sought it. Something always keeps me from doing so. Becoming aware is very healing. Allowing yourself to be aware of the truth. Obsessive and reoccuring thoughts, resurfacing trauma begs to be processed and you have to allow yourself to go through it and see it all for what it was. Super scary. It might shake you to the ground. I think, especially for people with very avoidant attachment patterns, it's more helpful to heal alone. KZbin is great for that and reading. Journalling, just sitting, meditating, letting thoughts rush through you. You are not thr thoughts that run through your mind. I love that you mention healthy relationships. That's what helped me the most. They made it even possible to heal in the first place.

[@vivianworden]

@@mandarinadreux9572 I define therapy actions we take to heal. It's doesn't have to be with a licensed therapist. Watching this video is therapy IMHO

[@mandarinadreux9572]

@@vivianworden you're right. I should clarify, I mean "classic" therapy as in getting referred to a psychologist and physically going there once a week or so

[@CandaceWebb]

This video spoke to me so much. I still walk around thinking the other shoe is going to drop. I remind myself continually that I’ve overcome all of the challenges of the past, leaving an abusive marriage, being homeless as a result, illness & death of my mother, cancer etc. and that shows that from my track record that I will overcome whatever will come. That it’s okay to want things, like things & have attachments.

[@mariegiffen5896]

I thought I was schizophrenic because I always thought I was two people because of my inner child😢 it's stayed with me all my life! I have a double barrel name " Anna Marie" I never liked the name Anna, so in my head shes the PTSD child that won't let me live.

[@sandragarvey8339]

❤❤

[@sandragarvey8339]

❤❤

[@sandragarvey8339]

❤❤

[@cindychurch335]

Kim, my father was an alcoholic and non involved with me. I stayed in my room a lot too. Born in 1956, my Beatle records were life saving. I retreated to my own world. Basically I resonate with everything you’re talking about. Ive healed a lot of things thankfully but also notice some are still inside. It wasn’t until a little over a decade ago I met a man and fell in love, truly, at 56 years of age. He saw the real me and broke down my walls. It was uncomfortable being so vulnerable but was so healing! He passed away way too soon but am so grateful I had the experience of knowing him. 😊

[@iismyalias]

Thank you for sharing that. It is powerful and beautiful and gives me hope.

[@Lon3Starr]

How did he pass?

[@cindychurch335]

@@Lon3Starr multiple myeloma

[@Lon3Starr]

@@cindychurch335 smh damn… okay.

[@CarniBarbie]

I relate to ALL of this. Feel like I’m stuck mentally as a six year old. I have no idea how to be a real adult. I’m 55 and wasting my life away. 😢

[@Lisa-rn1tn]

I feel the same way. When my mom died, ( she always did everything and just told me when I had to show up) I realized I have no idea how I'm supposed to live cuz no one is there to tell me how to do it 😢

[@Michelle-72]

Thank you, Kim. I'm 50, but I see the world through the eyes of an 8 year old. I alternate between flight and fawn, push - pull, anxious - avoidant.

[@FutureFendiFsnista]

I relate to every one of these. However, the anxiety one hits deep. Constantly feeling like everything is going to blow up in my face or waiting for the other shoe to drop. Thank you for helping us heal and becoming aware of our wounds 🩷

[@garputhefork]

The whole "grow up" comment: I think it's when we are putting up boundaries and trying to have a healthy relationship, it's their way of lashing out and trying to bring us back to heel, that is, in their mind we're always at the age at which they could last control us. So they treat us like a child, because to them we're still vulnerable children. (Like how my mom only tells stories of me when I was 5.)

[@bellaluce7088]

This is interesting and gives me something to think about!

[@victorkroud3642]

Very similar. My mother continuously mentioned she was much more mature as a child than I was. It always stung. As an adult I decided to tell her the comment hurt and asked her not to continue saying it. Her response was to continue saying it, but preluding it with “I know you don’t like hearing this,but…”. Now that I’m much older, I review both of Our lives and see she was completely inaccurate about her own maturity. She’s always been the child in our relationship.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@victorkroud3642you could now say, yes I hear you and I now know that I’m the more mature adult!!

[@justinwatson1510]

@victor, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life, I just wanted to let you know that nobody has a right to your time or attention, not even in exchange for pushing you out of a vagina. I tried to talk to my mom about her hurtful behavior; when nothing changed, I stopped talking to her completely and it was the best decision I ever made. You don't deserve the treatment she gives you, and you are justified in protecting yourself in whichever way you see fit.

[@PatriotResearchGal]

The not speaking shutdown with anger is definitely a thing with me. To make matters worse, the whole “you’re giving me the silent treatment” response also plays into it. I worked in a call center and had it happen there, too. Like my brain just froze. I was very embarrassed and a coworker literally grabbed the phone from my hand and finished the call. For relationships that matter, eventually I will figure it out and speak, but it is still super hard. Silence is not me trying to manipulate most of the time. It is me freezing or figuring how to voice feelings I was never allowed to articulate as a child and have had to figure out and refine as adult. No human being on the planet should ever have to feel that - the freeze and shutdown … lack of language to describe usually the depth of injury. It’s… yeah. It’s hard. Thank you for mentioning it in this list. It is good to know I am not alone. ❤️

[@renacleerican7824]

You described it perfectly.

[@Michelle0920]

Thank you (I say that often here!)! One of the biggest realizations I've experienced this year is how I have lived my life through my wounded child. It hits hard.

[@lindahenderson1625]

Sending you a hug in kinship.

[@manyBlessings2all]

What about feeling safer failing, living in a mess, alone, on disability, with chronic health issues, no life achievements to mention, feeling ashamed but also resistant to being well. Resonated very much with 'I'm only ok when you're ok' bless my Mum. And yes Menopause is a whole new experience!

[@sandrabailey2433]

I have spent so much alone time in my bedroom wow this is so me I don't know how to get out of this I've stayed alone for so long I can't get out of this Thank you for these videos

[@renacleerican7824]

A dog saved my life.

[@MeadowDay]

I literally felt like you were reading my brain…I am shaking at everything you said, each new point you made had me feeling intensely uncomfortable. I’m old now, and have spent my life in a state of pure emotional exhaustion, never feeling normal or worthy or pretty or interesting, just keeping everyone smiling and liking me, being acceptable to so many different personalities, acting like I deeply cared…I’m immaculate in all my surroundings..everything has to be acceptable to others, my life looks pretty perfect. No one knows this, and probably never will. I’m so grateful to you for just letting me know that there are others out there that feel like I do..I never knew. Thank you.

[@abusednomoresilence]

Thank you, I was born in 1966 I endured generational childhood incest and I sought out professional help. This caused other family members to collectively hate me. I am getting better ❤❤❤🤗

[@lavendermom318]

Been there. Just remember they are most likely wounded children too.

[@cathychase663]

I have fear in meeting new people- I tend to be alone,

[@janetvanantwerp8899]

I have had issues with how I handled my children (2 girls)…. I was so afraid I would say things my mother said to me that were hurtful, I often said nothing because I didn’t know what to say…. I am learning so much about the way I was raised and how it has made me struggle with certain things.

[@Kelpy]

Something I haven't heard you touch on in your excellent videos yet is the problem of consequences, the real productivity and creativity losses that we suffer when our spouses or we are maimed by abusive, neglectful, poor parenting, though you do address these issues implicitly. Everything in our lives is less: we are less effective in personal relationships, our work, parenting, and every aspect of our lives. The cost is overwhelmingly tragic and affects every aspect of our society.

[@chuck3999]

My fear is if I express my emotions that I'll be judged. Being vulnerable is extremely difficult for me. This is coupled with also being rejected. Therfore, that's why I have no friends. So, I'm left feeling empty and unfulfilled. You never speak about Anedonia. That is a subject that I believe is a derivative of severe emotional neglect. I love my children and grandchildren immensely. However, I can feel all alone when visiting them. That's where the Anedonia hits me the hardest. Bottom line is that Im living a life in survival mode. Or, experiencing my life in a choice (not mine) of quiet desperation. I truly hate my life the way it is now. You can gain awareness, however- the remnants of being raised by a Narcissistic mother and a Alcoholic father, my life as I no it, will truly never be experienced as joyful and fullfilling. That's how I see it! Thanks so much for your video.

[@El-aitch]

I didn’t think about waiting for the other shoe to drop being a trauma response. I think that goes back the constant financial instability we faced. It was feast or famine in our house and my parents’ own inner children were driving their lives. Saving during good times and wasn’t a thing they did.

[@emilyc8074]

Oooooph, the 'grow up' still stings. Along with 'get over it', 'who cares' and 'does it matter'. Everything in this video is spot on. I've gone through life waiting for and just trying hard to delay my inevitable downfall, regardless of what I've achieved or overcome along the way, or in the moment, never enough.. Also a '68 baby, had a bedroom with blue walls rather than carpet but still have all those same records, can't listen to some of them now but others stop me in my tracks if I hear them on the radio. This has been such a brilliant video, thank you.

[@touchedbyfire99]

This video just opens my eyes to my entire life and how much suffering my inner child endured. So much pain in my life was the pain of this child in adult life situations. I did have enough awareness to be a better parent than I had but like you, it was only when I finally dealt with the relationship with my mother and no longer let her disrespect me that I began to heal. That also fractured the relationship because she refuses to deal with the authentic me and so I have gotten relief. But my life still feels unreal to me and I don’t think I yet have a totally integrated self. Not sure this will ever happen as I am 62.

[@deec411]

I just recalled a really painful memory from my 2nd marriage. My husband came home and I had felt great all day. I had the dinner on, a dessert made and the house was clean. His response was "Wow you're doing good TODAY!!" I felt the wind come right out of my sail 😢 I stormed upstairs and slammed the door. Very demoralizing. I'm feeling much better since meditating and practicing A LOT of self love everyday though. Your videos always help 🤗🤗🤗

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

Also, there is SO MUCH AUTHENTIC INSIGHT here! ❤it’s wonderfully compassionate! Thank you for all of your genuine kindness and vulnerability ❤🙏

[@PaigeSquared]

Wow! I feel like I'm messing up with my son, and there's only one of him, but he is very persistent, & very adventurous. I could not imagine attempting to keep four kids alive, completely on my own! The first one is supposed to be easier so we are brave enough to have more, my toddler son didn't read that memo 😂😂

[@1stand2ndtimearound67]

It was helpful! Thank you. I'm 59 and there are still times when I feel as if I'm stuck at being 16. Is not a good feeling because when it creeps back in is when the doubts, frustrations and anger of how I have let other people run and use my life. Now I know what it is thanks to you. Annoth

[@teganflyman5352]

Gosh. 40 years of living this way I went back into therapy because I was considering being a therapist and didn’t want to be a hypocrite or damaging therapist. It has opened up so much that I wish I didn’t have to face, and at the end of the day isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s just they didn’t know better.

[@AbandonedOnes]

This video didn't need to be any shorter ❤️

[@purplepatch7]

You are helping so many. I have been the therapist for parents since I was in kindergarten. Thank you… I’m realizing that not just my dad but my mom is a narcissist. I’m a few years clean from opiates and finally don’t feel so broken. I’m at a point where I can be vulnerable and set boundaries but setting them with my mom physically makes me sick…. I hope I can get there.

[@spottedfawn639]

Thank you so much, Kim! And please don't feel like you're cringy... you're not...not to me anyway. And I say "like" a lot too so don't feel bad. ❤

[@mariahchantel]

This video came at a good time. I'm 28 years old, married, and have two kids. This past weekend it hit me that I feel like I'm a 5 year old playing house.

[@lili79136]

I'm the same way. If im upset then I cant speak, its like a bomb went off. I think its from not being heard as a kid. So I just avoid being around people when i want to explode. Lol. Being shut down constantly as a child will do a number on ya!!!

[@christinevr7698]

My inner child is definitely calling the shots. I related to everything you said. Check - bad marriage choices, check - childlike beliefs that crumbled in adult situations, check - unable to access anger/massive conflict avoidance, to my detriment. Sigh. Now to do the work of healing,... it's a LOT.

[@user_justsomeone]

I am 22 and I'm so happy that I found your channel and I'm able to heal my wounds. I think you are an incredible mom, not only to your kids but spiritual mom to guide so many people of all the ages , so we can heal part of us and when the right time comes to be better parents .❤

[@SeaBug72]

Everything you say resonates with me. The way you describe you emotions and life experience is exactly what I experienced and experience today. I really appreciate your rawness. It helps with my healing process.

[@JDforeveralone]

OMG 22:20 !! the way u describe the issue of fear of abandonment was just spot on!!!! This constant feeling of things are not gonna stay the way they are and esp like you said - abandoned myself. Having abandoned the life I longed for ! This hit hard. It was tthe most perfect description of how i feel since at least 30 years. 💔

[@naturallaw52]

I'm stuck in my parents fighting over child support.. I'm terrified my needs won't be met. Panic attacks for years to even open bills or checking my bank account is terrifying. And the funny thing is, I'm blessed. I'm terrified of being homeless

[@_cr8ive_]

This makes 100% sense now. Welcome to living an adaptation of somebody else in my own body. 😵‍💫🥴🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️

[@cathychase663]

I always feel like something's my fault or fear of getting in trouble- even w/my adult sons who out of the blue don't talk to me- they live far and they haven't spoken to their dad in a decade but to happen to me ? was wow- I am sad everyday - I gave them so much- and was a compulsive care-taker. So heart breaking.

[@earthdogpj1]

Is that a photo of you as a child? So adorable. Sorry you and all of us had rough childhoods. My mother was borderline ~~ she was frightening. There were egg shells everywhere. Thank you for doing these videos.

[@Moonbeam77776]

Me too!

[@lindahenderson1625]

Three minutes in and wow, thank you. Your videos can be painful to hear, yet they are gifts because you are acknowledging and helping us to lift or at least ease the burden of being a wounded. Thank you for your bravery.

[@loristarks4248]

Thank you so much!! I felt all of this through and through!! I was crying by the end, especially since my own daughter’s 18th birthday is next week and I always give her a special cupcake. Thank you again. ❤

[@TheIntuitiveBodyFoodieNetwork]

Wow, you're the first person, other than myself, that has openly talked about the whole "creepy, sexual predator energy" a young developing girl feels as a result of men suddenly looking at her newly changing body. The rest of this video was so informative. Bless you & thank you.

[@michelle.labelle]

I relate to allll of these things. Sigh. I did the same thing - I chose to stay home with the kids so I could be there for them after having a very lonely childhood (because I wanted to be there for my kids) and I tried my best to be a conscious parent and then my relationship with my husband blew up in my face and everything went down hill. I’ve spent so many years trying to analyze and figure out things and only recently does it feel like I’m starting to understand better what has been going on - that all of my choices were from that wounded inner child.

[@eottoe2001]

Look up Janina Fisher's ideas about blending and unblending. It's very helpful.

[@tanyanicholas5221]

All I can say is, “You must’ve been peeking into my life and living my reality!”😂. No, Really….I am Sooooo Super Grateful for your content. It is bringing me so much Peace in knowing and accepting myself. It is also indirectly, empowering me to feel more confident as I understand myself and can voice it. Thank You… Thank You…. Thank You!!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@Mr.Sidenote]

You're good at putting your feelings into words in a way that I haven't always been able to for myself. It's very helpful, since I can relate to so much of what you talk about, when sifting through the ashes of my past. One big difference between you and I is my self-sabotaging / fear of success behaviors. Sidenote: I can assure you that you are the only person who sees Dr. Kim as cringey at times.

[@juliesmith4539]

I was so like that it's like nothing sunk in I was told that I was stupid and made to look stupid and it was all my fault and that stayed in my head I so wanted my kids to have a better life than me I felt like I have cried all my life and now being over weight I was so skinny and being slim takes me back to that skinny unfed kid I only trust myself crying because of being hungry and so hurt

[@XDominiqueXFranconX]

These are all true for me. Still, it’s hard for me to fully grasp that my parents were unsafe emotionally, even after being in therapy for some time now.

[@MarlyT26]

I love that you are not only a psychologist but that you've lived through it. It makes it feel much less belittling when hearing it from someone who understands first hand and is trained in this work. Thanks for making videos

[@juanmanuelventura8203]

Thank you, for taking your pain & adversity become greater for it making a difference. I feel your pain & rejoice in your Triumph in your journey of life. You make a difference ,You Matter❤

[@6ruja]

ur very graceful and not cringey to the viewer if that helps lol!

[@lurecourser]

Thanks so much for your videos. I’m 72 just realizing I’m autistic and lived through a tough time period for young adults. You have really helped me. Thank you again. 😊

[@poison_plays]

Fwiw, every time I watch a video by a therapist who lets themself be real (aka, in many of our own minds about ourselves, cringey), it helps me remember no one is perfect and I’m not bad or lesser for being real and human myself, rather than some image of perfection. Thank you for being real with us. It helps more than you might know. 💚

[@jjkatz]

I relate to so many of these especially not trusting others and avoiding conflict.

[@karolinaska6836]

"When you have no control in childhood, the one thing you want is control."

[@elysegambino1597]

This video has been immensely helpful. I’m grateful to understand my inner child better-and I see her feeling safer. It’s so inspiring to hear your journey. I feel like we’re hiking the same trail and I can always look up to see that it’s safe to keep going because this safe, healing, loving person is further ahead and hasn’t gotten lost, hurt, etc. You always help me keep going. 🎉

[@SuzieJordan2]

So many things in my life make so much sense now. Thank you for your generosity of spirit to share your experience and knowledge.

[@randiwin6034]

Being an Aries sun I acted pretty childish. But now healed, my Pisces stellium has taught me wisdom. And I act accordingly. Previous way of life has grown up.

[@saniyapamnani8494]

This video was extremely relatable and I'd really appreciate it if you could walk us through how to heal and overcome each one of these habits. Thank you so much for this.

[@wearamantraarianna9042]

OMG how many tears and records I went through, mainly Italian romantic songs that were so dramatic, just like how I felt. And now it's crystal clear why, I have been healing since years and I find these videos very helpful to understand, put names and manage to self parent better and better each day. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@JDforeveralone]

Dear Kim!! This video you made is just another jewel!! I really do appreciate all your work! It gives me so much insight and helps me to understand my own often weird behaviours with which sadly I've hurt my ones very often! From around 19:00 where you talk about your teens I felt like that's me, that's me!! It feels so validating that it's not actually me but it was the programming in me. I wish I could go back to mum (we live in different continents) and talk to her openly and help her in a way as well to see where her own wounds are and thus hurt me too But I know she wouldn't listen and maybe tell me again - you were not thankful and you never had enough.

[@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness]

Although I was confused by men looking at me when I was 12-13, I also drank up any attention. This opened me up to being vulnerable to any kind of attention, because I confused it with my sense of self worth, since I didn’t have a sense of self worth.

[@suzanne2680]

Beautiful wallpaper and talk as usual, Dr. Sage 😊

[@HeavenlyPresley-Tonya]

We basically lived the same LIFE - well not exactly but - Born in 67 -- I Wish you would do a video on CPTSD / Menopause -- One thing you said about "Being Called A Cry Baby" DING but too it was "Tonya, Your too emotional." or "Grow a thick skin" -- ETC Thankss I so enjoy your videos they are so helpful --Also I have a HUGE Fear of Abandonment & Change

[@roshanrahealer]

You're so amazing at these videos. :) Thank you for the information. I still struggle with my dissociative alters sometimes when not honoring my energy or my chosen purpose. My love is helpful at reminding me not to people please and to do things I want to do instead of just talking about them. That's what happens after taking almost 38 years to not depend on my mom for validation. After all, if I depend on that, I'll be stuck on her property believing what I don't believe and doing what blocks me from healing from C-PTSD/dissociative disorders. Thanks for all the videos you've done over the years. You've been helpful on my self-discovery and self-expression journey. Two things I didn't have a chance to do in childhood around her.

[@annanicholson7923]

I relate to a lot of things you said in this video. I feel like my life living with my ex was like l was spinning the plates and keeping everything going despite a very toxic and violent relationship, once I finally got away from him and my dysfunctional environment having the space to see what was really happening everything fell apart in my world and CPTSD and depression overwhelmed me

[@mrstoner2udude799]

Wounded parts always seeking healing...Inner child choosing (or the adult choosing)...How the wound shows up in our lives...Feeling that something is wrong with us (because of constant criticism and feeling responsible for others happiness, resulting in self-doubt)...(boundaries, partner choice, overlooking abuse, second guessing etc)...Believe we are worthy of self- care and self-direction...Results in people pleasing and compulsive care -giving (BINGO!)...believing that by fixing others we are fixing ourselves or fixing others will make things right...or bad things will happen...Feeling guilty for setting boundaries...Driven to be perfectionist, over achiever for safety and "to make things right"...Self -criticism (echoes from the past, not your real voice)...Unwilling to feel emotions...JOURNEY!... can result in us being "very emotional" due to suppression of common emotions in common circumstances, no emotional support...Body shame, intimacy, closeness to selves/others...women feeling uncomfortable with being noticed (see Barbie movie)...distrust (my parents fought a lot, I felt unsafe)...avoid conflict bc we might lose love...Frosting...Fear of abandonment (big one with me). *Thank you Dr Kim! Almost all of these resonate with me. It helps me to be supportive of myself FIRST. I've learned that I only have anxiety now when I abandon myself, or when I "should" on myself. No shoulding on yourself!

[@MChealing]

When you mentioned that you were always told you were too sensitive etc, that made me think of all the times my mum would tell me I was an invalid, etc. She would ask me to do something for her and if I said no she would say "but you're going to do anyways because you love me" and I would have no choice but to do it. It wasn't the same in return, I would be told no if I needed her to do something for me or she would say "you're not an invalid you can do it yourself." I also spent a lot of time alone in my bedroom crying to music or shows. I couldn't tell her, or anyone, anything because she would tell everyone about my life or it would get back to her in some way.

[@bonniedunbar6717]

I'd rather not die knowing I still not have this inner child. But it's only since I started understanding the narsissist and empath terms and what they represented. I need to disappear to continue learning but I'm can't do it where I presently find myself living. I still feel the need to run and I don't know how to stop Your comment about young girls changing is very true. Very uncomfortable feeling and not really knowing why. I can remember at 14 years old I overheard an old neighbor guy saying I was built like a brick shit house. Still not sure what that means but thinking it had something to do with my body. Don't need to know from anyone.

[@lauraz3994]

This video really hit home. You validated so many of the things I have felt for years and years. In particular, the shame women are made to feel of our bodies and adolescence is all too familiar and something that too often gets swept under the rug - by ourselves and our culture. Thank you for shedding a light on these very important topics.

[@magusl9628]

Very interesting, comprehensive and well explained. I certainly relate to all of this and I'm not surprised, as I'm working very hard on healing wounds. Thank you for this video!

[@alexandrecote1733]

The way Dr. Sage just described me for the last 30 minutes felt very personal… No but seriously just offering this content for free is a blessing fir so many people like me who are wondering why they keep repeating the same things again and again and how can I change this part about me who feels that cannot and will never be loved. Thank you Dr. Sage. I think that just bringing up the subject open a path for people to seek for guidance and healing. We deserve it.❤

[@barefootjamie143]

I'm 43 and Mom's 74. I've been going through the healing journey for about 4 years after getting sober. Ma and I share the house and we're it. So I share what I uncover and am doing in hopes she can come to some forms of peaceful living. Don't ya know she said I'm growing up with you. It was such a profound experience. WOKE me right up to my entire life I've been dealing with ugh in everyone who has been the Adult in my upbringing. It's no wonder I turned to alcohol and some drugs for a short time. The alcohol was 16 years after the drugs. It was so accessible. Hugs to you and whatever you choose to spread it to 💚 💛 💜

[@wearamantraarianna9042]

And it's so touching to read everyone's comments. We are in the same boat and I wonder how small is the percentage of securely attached and non cptsd people...I think it's a small number and believe this is the time to look at and heal all this 🤍 from survival to thriving ✨

[@xeniyashilina6212]

I am so thankful for all the wisdom and experience you have been sharing

[@LOVE_ALL_AROUND]

I was born in '67 so get the music references. Music always helps my mood. Perfectionism has been my biggest challenge. Make strides though in chilling out. Thank you for your content. I can really relate to you.

[@JuliaKibore]

'When I'm really upset 'triggered' I can't speak ... until I calm down' Yes.. ME!.. so i've lost many opportunities to set things right some of which I regret deeply going back even 24 years ago.

[@cathychase663]

I have been very verbally reactive to one who deeply hurt me (my son). I said things bad - I wish I was muted. I was s remorseful after and definitely changed but i supported him for 30 years,..Moved to a diff country and lied for a year. He was here for holidays and it was not good. He admitted I wasn't "crazy" and he lied. ,I have a fear of abandonment from so many things like this- I was abandoned my whole life so now I just stay alone. I am in therapy

[@cathychase663]

He said I was a born mom - I think my boys are really traumatized by the stuff from their dad and it's been truly heartbreaking. I do like it when my younger son texts me and asks me about things that he is going thru - he hasn't lately though. It's so upsetting. I don't know if they love me.

[@Sheywh12]

!! ME OLD SOUL!! ANXIETY JUST CAME ON 2 years ago. Compulsive care taker was my mom's responsibility! Literally!! This is so me So how to heal!! Now that she's passed away! I lost the perfectionist long times ago..HELP!!

[@FrenchTwist]

Back in elementary school I felt bad for my friends that they'd be viewed as losers for their association with me.

[@bitofwizdomb7266]

My dad used to always tell me that before I criticize someone I should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, I’d be a mile away and have their shoes . But then it becomes an ethical and moral issue. I always brought back the shoes. Just a bit of wizdomb I wanted to share

[@asamples333]

The song "Perfect" by Alanis Morissette was the beginning of my journey of realizing things. I feel like back then, we didn't have very good descriptors for our situations, but we knew things weren't quite right.

[@asamples333]

My mom could bawl her eyes out at "Dancing With Wolves", but God forbid I have any emotion about anything 😢

[@E_Tea]

Thank you so much for this video. Like so many others I can relate 100%. I am wondering whether you could make a video on the intimacy issue you mentioned, I've never heard this before but it makes SO much sense. Would love to hear more about this.

[@Spiritualgrowth1982]

Your videos is helping me become self aware. It’s sad because everything you say resonate with me.

[@CheetahSnowLeopard]

Not to flatter but you’re a hero for surviving the crap your mom fed you and handling custody of four children and then coming out the other side being a healthy mom.

[@TheBlubunni]

You described my early childhood wow!!! 😭😭😭

[@queeniez1970]

Oh thank you so much for your comments about being a pre-teen and the shame of objectification. Very true, in my personal experience.

[@blueskies6475]

That seemed really hard for you! I read your transcript and you were all over the place. I'm not sure I understand if Im leading with my childish insecurities? I think my biggest roadblock is that I've had Narcissistic parents that I loved and thus fell in love with Narcissistic people who ended up hurting me. How to not be attracted to those people anymore? I'm drained.

[@Cc-ts1et]

I checked off every one of these as you went through them and the flood of emotions that comes with it is heavy. I feel like nobody gets me and it’s so nice to know that when I watch you I feel I’m not alone. I appreciate you so much Kim!! It hurts me so much that I think I screwed up my kid. I just feel so much shame about not knowing this. I would like to repair the relationship with my mom and that’ll probably never happen because she gaslight me and tells me none of that happened but I continue my journey alone and I look forward to your next videos bless you.❤

[@quietreader4190]

Sometimes, all you can do in regards to situations regarding your parents is to go no contact. Especially if the parent is toxic to your emotional well being, and most importantly to your healing process. Some relationships are un-salvagable, and you have to understand that its okay to let these people go especially as a full grown adult and that it is okay to set a boundary in that way, and not accept that person and/or that persons behavior in your life anymore. It's okay to look out for yourself, and shut out those who wounded your inner child especially if the people who wounded your inner child only have proven to still be toxic individuals. Understand that you probably will never get closure from them personally, and there are little to no chances of getting an apology for the destruction they caused so it will be very important to remember that you are allowed to feel whatever sort of way towards them, and remember that you are capable of healing the pain they caused with all the different techniques and through therapy. I don't have kids myself, but I am hoping maybe with the proper help and information you can help your own kid so your kid doesn't pass on things to their own kids and so on.

[@astaraoneill9166]

LOVE the wallpaper!!

[@Lisa-rn1tn]

My mom didn't name me for the first three days of my life, she called me it. My mom's dad ( my grandpa ) tried to strangle me when I ran past him at around the age of five. He stated that I don't deserve to live because I was a little girl. My dad was a recovering alcoholic and very passive, his response was always go ask your mother. My mom had underlying sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse when she was growing up. I feel that my parents did the best they could given the situation. But the fact is the trauma still happened in my mom's generation and in mine. I am almost 50 years old, no friends, never been married, single mother. Just a very damaged, traumatized, people pleasing, hurt adult child. I was an EMT for approximately 6 years and from there I went on to become a nursing assistant and ended up leaving the professional together. As a nursing assistant I felt like I was just another punching bag for elderly people that weren't responsible mentally for their actions. I have just started learning about consciousness and Awakening and so I'm hoping to see who I truly am as a human being. It's a very difficult lonely road but I do believe that I'm worth it.

[@ratics29x]

a new child soon and am old now and it worries me. av now to tighten my belt. but i always find strength in God. very intelligent in what you do. always feel there pain the difference will be unreal. God Bless.

[@servingunconditionallove6128]

I just recently found you and am so grateful. Your vulnerability and knowledge helps in my practice. i am an LPC/MHSP and PATP.. Single mom of three almost grown boys...youngest is 16. Did it all on my own too. Latch key, neglect, abuse...I get it. So many therapsits go into this field to heal themselves and get lost along the way. So grateful when one doesn't!

[@kharyn21]

I relate to you so much! Thank you for putting out this great content! ❤️

[@madiherr555]

i’m glad this wasn’t a short video, so helpful Dr. Kim thank you :)

[@tracyrodger1549]

so true... every nuanced point you uncover here has shone even more light on why I find boundaries and ironically, lack of control, so tough, but absolutely vital to keep going with this commitment to self discovery, self love and healing. thank you 💜

[@chrisla6992]

Your messages, guidance and story all resonate deeply. This was especially so...I am also an only child, born in samexera as you, had a blue carpet in my bedroom (my sanctuary away from chaos) where I listened to music and did my art. Growing up to become an absolute perfectionist, ridden with anxiety and need to create controlled, perfect environments. Therapy (CBT, IFS, EMDR, etc and neurofeddback) are definitely helping. I am better with boundaries and slowly gaining thezability to make choices from the perspective of the healing adult rather than the wounded inner child...but it is not easy! Thank you for your incredibly helpful, practical, insightful and vulnerable videos. Much Love from Canada xoxo

[@Moonbeam77776]

Thank you for your vulnerability and authenticity. You are making a difference💕