Phil in the Blanks: Covert Narcissist -Toxic Personalities in the Real World (PART 2)

[@experiencedtraveler8528]

What I think is the most mind blowing thing is that they blatantly lie, and then have the audacity to say that you’re lying. They accuse you of things THEY are actually doing. It’s so crazy to see. They’re unable to take accountability and they blame shift. Everything is your fault, and they’re so perfect and always right. They make me sick.

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Yup

[@k.ohalloran8758]

Omgosh! Yes to this!! Perfect analysis! I just got out of a 4 year relationship with one and it is soooooo hard!!

[@christmasw330]

My ex would tell me about conversations with her friends at work but it was actually conversations with guys she was cheating with.. sickening

[@marcyw]

I'm actually dealing with one now and not only the lies and blaming I uavnt been able to leave the house in 3 years he won't even go to work afraid I will leave when he does he watches me on cameras

[@19tams67]

@@marcyw please stay safe. And when you do plan to leave, don't tell him, just go, with no contact afterwards. The person you're with can be very dangerous. I was with one for 29 years, and I'm finally free. I didn't EVER , EVER , think I'd be free, yet here I am, going on my 2nd year, finally free. Starting to live my life with happiness and starting to love myself and continue to work through my PTSD . I have been diagnosed with, after all that had happened. You've got this, please don't lose sight of yourself,, remember that YOU MATTER, YOU ARE SPECIAL, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED, CARED FOR , RESPECTED,and TREATED NICELY. My thoughts and prayers go out to you as well as anyone , male & female, who are involved or have been involved with a narcissist. One of the most traumatic, hardest things I've ever been through, in my 55 years of life. I've known heartbreak ..but my past relationship with him was beyond anything I could ever accurately describe. Much love to you all, peace and comfort. ((Hugs))

[@azrunkels]

For 9 years I was with a Covert Narc. I will never be the same, I can't trust ANYONE, I Isolate now, I constantly try to understand what happened, I question and rethink it over and over. Im free of the person but feel imprisoned by the damage. May God continue to hold me close. And I sincerely feel for anyone who has had this same experience.

[@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT]

Just divorced my narcissist after 8 years. I understand.

[@somerskye2750]

I highly recommend watching this short video: Covert Narc Secret Crazy Making Communication Weapon They Use To Abuse- by Richard Grannon. Listen til the very end. He explains how coverts cycle between feelings of Elation & feelings of Depletion & Why victims stay stuck & how to move on. I really think it wld help u & others. You got this!

[@Indy__isnt_it]

They find the BEST of the empathic souls and with insidious intentions DIG IN. I'm in the end stage of this "cancerous affliction" 6 days to mediation. With a new lawyer. The company I used, your lawyers handled first the divorce filing, then a separate mediation attorney, if needed. It was like shopping from an a la carte menu. My lawyer was mid trial in another case, I need to talk before our Court zoom room convenes on Jan 12th. After 40 years, what's 6 more days? LESS than a week!!!

[@lexie919]

Oh my all I can say is hello friend, I hear you loud and clear almost 7 years been away from for almost three and feel exactly the way you just described it is an awful place to be as you stay close to God I do the same I feel that's the only thing that has kept me saying in alive so far is having some sort of faith but it waivers often it's like a seesaw up and down I'd really like some help with this I'm in a lot of pain and I have a lot of anger and confusion guilt and shame.. God bless us!

[@christinebachor6663]

I totally understand! My 3 siblings are narcissistic. I have always been the grey mouse under the table

[@cdaz55]

The more I listen about narcissists, the more I realize that's what I was married to for 38 years. Now I know why our relationship couldn't be fixed. I finally walked out and haven't been happier.

[@candyhunt9501]

Same

[@eevee-4367]

38 years 🤯 I was going to loose my mind after just 3 years.. can‘t imagine how you feel 😭

[@joeysgear1419]

That's because everybody suddenly realizes they were married to a narcissist whenever they jump into the internet narcissist bubble.

[@jadevernon8903]

⁠@@joeysgear1419this comment comes straight from a covert NARCISSIST.

[@user-xj5ds9ug6r]

Females are really great until after you marry them. 1st wife I divorce just after 1st year. 2nd wife stuck in16 years of horrific ups and downs, Divorced! 3rd wife I had no idea she was a 50 shades of gray lady, until the honeymoon night and whips & chains game out . Marriage lasted 4 hours, Divorce took about 9 months to get to court. 4th wife was a Women, 8 years my senior but beautiful at 64 years old, She was married to the same man 35 years but he passed away. I married her and she showed me what a truly, loving and caring marriage was like. She passed 2022 at 85 years, she gave me 22 of the greatest married life I could ever have expected. I miss her very much!

[@galebibb8301]

I am probably one of the few that saw him clearly as a narcissist early in our relationship. His lack of empathy and his "I'm sorry you feel that way" responses showed me. When I told him, "Don't apologize for my feelings, apologize for doing what you did to make me feel that way!" That was the beginning of our ending. And thank goodness I was strong enough to get out. Thank you Dr. Phil for helping to educate us.

[@pennylocal5289]

I took me a year to figure this friend out. But had a bad feeling early, victim mentality, right off the start. So I kept giving in to those feelings. One time I told them they make me feel disrespected for my time, eg: they message and ask how I am, I respond timely, and I don’t hear back for 2-7 business days). They come back weeks later and say “ I’m sorry I make you feel that way BUT…. Then it is just all about them and show no acknowledgment to what I just said. Total lack of empathy for my feelings. Another red flag was she had said good morning to me, then after I got settled to work and had a minute to chat, messaged back “good morning”. She then attacked me saying “ I don’t know if you think I’m dumb, or can’t tell time, whatever the case may be you need to chill out on my”. When I got that message i was dumbfounded. What brought that on? Who is this person? How did a “good morning”trigger this person like that?. I was so confused, I responded to her in a calm state that I did not deserve that, basically. Two weeks later, she came back, trying to sell me on some MLM gig. Again no regard to what I messaged. WTF??? I started googling behavioural patterns. And here I am. 2 months no contact because they dropped the mask one to many times with me. I walked, but after I let them financially and mentally manipulate me. So there is my lesson. And I’m happy I learned it early. May we all heal from these toxic people. And not ignore the bad vibes they project !!

[@normacotter6545]

Don't show emotion around them they are not emotional

[@normacotter6545]

He's homeless so he prays on single women who who support themselves financially

[@normacotter6545]

Boy you hit the nail on on the head. No empathy, no emotion, always blaming, playing victim, and revengeful.

[@normacotter6545]

There's no jobs out there heard that one for years

[@Linda-w8d]

I am just now catching this video and it has truly opened my eyes. My husband has been dead four years this year and I am an empty, lost soul because of his covert narcissism. I remember.....every day.....how when we disagreed on something, his immediate response to me was , " I'm sorry I've disappointed you." It took the oxygen right out of the room. I cannot trust any man or any male.....he totally crumbled my life. I'm so happy being alone and by myself. I will likely die still recovering from being married to him. Thank you, Dr Phil. I now feel OK about taking care of myself....even after he died and I'm still remembering the horrible years I spent with him.

[@rondamay7917]

Mine passed almost 2 yrs ago but I'm consumed with the ugly memories

[@marleneslaght4390]

You deserve that freedom lady. 🤼🏿

[@sherrysmith4881]

Seek the Lord…healing is available in Jesus, He loves you completely and unconditionally! You are His magnificent creation, a one of a kind masterpiece!!!

[@patriciabell5715]

Amen ! Jesus can heal anything !

[@lrm3924]

I feel like I’ve just heard from you what my life is like. It’s good to be alone now. I suffer still bc I had children and now have grandchildren. It’s like being in a circular mind game. My life was destroyed too. But we can be ok by ourselves, but Dr Phil is right… we’ve got to have someone to talk to. I’m hearing you, and you have been validated! Gods love is the only perfect love that’s all accepting, never ending and always 100% there! That’s who I rely on.

[@kathyf7336]

I was recently told, I don’t work for you! He is critical, never offers to do anything and don’t ever offer his services. I’m here retired realizing who he is. Yes I had an empathetic soul and feel better when he has gone on a trip and I have house to myself. A lot of times I have felt he’s jealous of me. And we’ve been married 30 yrs. It was always somebody else’s fault at the jobs he had. I’m sad we are retired just living in same house and don’t enjoy life together. I have set boundaries and tired of managing him. Thank you for being real.

[@DailyCorvid]

I know just how you feel. You've done the best you could with it, just putting up that wall and keeping a distance is literally, THE only way to live your life with that going on beside you. God bless you!

[@debbiesexton2973]

This is me 😢

[@jademoon5103]

Why don’t you leave him

[@gbs5736]

This is me too.

[@phyllislong3722]

DR Phil, why don't we leave them?

[@amandaelliott7953]

15 years with a covert narcissist but he also had classic narcissistic traits. I endured years of gaslighting, coercion, manipulation, threats. He was loud and boastful. Degradation through humour or comparison to others. I was “too sensitive “, “crazy “, “making a scene “. I heard “it’s just a joke” countless times. He rewired my brain. I’m five years out and doing much better.

[@meseve75]

This is exactly what I've been doing through. He used my emotional health and physical health against me. Along with the history of other family members (especially my mother, who is passed on).

[@deannekliene2673]

I knew what u mean, after years they do reset the brain somehow into a whole different mode..the thinking changes...

[@stephaniepiazzese2602]

Praise God , you are out. They hate seeing our happiness after getting out. 😂

[@Angiebaby71]

I’m about to go through the same thing- I’ve been married 20years but together 23- as of yesterday when I heard part 1 of narcissism my stomach lurched and with growing horror I recognised my husband being described. I’ve tolerated which I know now is abuse and gaslighting for years but I hit my wall last year- I’ve stopped doing what I’ve always done and he has decided to walk away! Together we decided I would be a full time mom, looked after hubby and home and now he has the status he wanted, the 6 figure salary he wanted( he had nothing when I met him- no home, no car no pension but I had all 3 and he has bloomed since being with me) but because he can’t exert his power over me he has left and wants to sell the house and start a new life in another county. Starting over at my age, with no home or job he couldn’t give a damn about however, the saving grace of this is that I get to have peace of mind that I am not going to suffer the abuse of a narcissist for the later years of my life.

[@amandaelliott7953]

@@Angiebaby71 go for it and don’t look back

[@robertla9925]

My wife has never, not one single time given me a complement for any achievement but she always does double time to discuss my mistakes. It has only recently been discovered that my wife is a covert narcissist and 35 years of repeated circular fights over nothing would be capped off the following day by her completely forgetting the fight on the night previously, acting as though nothing has happened. Because of discussions like Dr. Phil’s I at least know what I am dealing with and can now make a plan for moving forward with the rest of my life, thank you so much Dr. Phil!

[@burn50]

This exactly

[@Vashti0825]

Once I woke up to the truth, there was no looking back. I suddenly felt like I was dealing with a child .

[@sequoyah59]

EVERYTHING you say is familiar. The sickness of a circular argument over nothing and forgotten in hours as if nothing happened is a mental illness but with intention and full awareness I think. I don't forget that easily, it makes me physically ill... out of concern for the others feelings... no more, they don't have any. i consider myself significantly accomplished in my field in spite of my mate and never a single notice of that fact for having provided very well and generously for all these years. i have enabled her. No longer. i know how to hurt her and I will. Getting even is not enough, getting ahead is adequate.

[@paulfogartysongs]

Oh yes.

[@Andrea.R.S]

I truly feel for you.

[@Emy53]

"They will complain to God Himself"....I nearly spit out my water. So damn true.

[@joannturi3968]

Oh and they do and they will.

[@debbiecarter8687]

My husband called me weak because I have Lupus. I recently found out I had kidney cancer. I was devastated and expected him to be supportive because of the seriousness of the situation. When I told him, he looked at me and said "well I've already accepted your death, antway, death is just a part of life." I was broken and immediately knew that I would be alone in this journey.

[@williamrobbins-ru8ww]

I am so sorry to hear of what U are going through. Is there any chance for you to ' get away . To heal from your cancer you need a peaceful environment .

[@MildredStork]

I am very sorry and I will pray for your health and have god take any extra strength I have in my body to help you through your problems and I am going to pray hard from now on for you

[@deborahvallier9245]

I’m so enraged just thinking about what you went through! This is 2 years later and I hope you’re well ❤

[@jenniferhopkins1985]

These types of people don’t care about anyone,but themselves.

[@theideaplace]

Narcissists are the folks for which the phrase "No good deed will go unpunished" was created for... never failed...

[@vickimerritt2832]

my ex frequently misused that phrase it is how he set himself as a rescurer to the inferior.

[@vickimerritt2832]

what about women who sacrifice their goals to function in the arena of motherhood or support their husband carreer and families?

[@vickimerritt2832]

monetary gain is not the only virtue in life

[@sarahrussell3219]

I have been looking for that comment that I didn’t keep when I saw it before. That is the story of my life.

[@EssieSpring]

I am surprised there are so few likes for this video. It paints a very clear picture of a type of narcissism that is difficult to pin down. Great podcast/vídeo Dr. Phil and team

[@kuldipguleria2615]

I agree there.

[@debbigreen-curtis3699]

What is it ?

[@celeste821]

​@WildWonkyWizard you choosing the wrong women but are blaming all women, sounds narcissistic to me

[@hsmomofmany9022]

​@WildWonkyWizard He mentions that it is a spectrum. Not 'are or are not.'

[@ND-or5so]

I forget to hit the thumbs up for the video- honestly. You just reminded me, thank you.

[@staceyhoffman4829]

Dr. Phil, you are so spot on with my husband. The one thing I find to "deal" with his narcissism and to protect my sanity is to laugh at everything he says that's out of line. Believe it or not, it actually shuts him up right away, and he just walks off.

[@sandramoore8021]

Wow. You should make a podcast about this and encourage others to laugh at narcissists. What a great idea 💡.

[@sbee985]

Yes, I wrote that down...how to deal with my son in law. I was imagining how it might play out. :) Thanks for sharing

[@joannturi3968]

Laughing is a great tool to use.

[@michellesucculents1643]

For 45 years I’ve been trying to figure out what is wrong with this man nothing makes him happy. He’s bitter even though we have been blessed with 2 wonderful boys. He doesn’t seem to be grateful at all . For all this years I couldn’t understand his attitude. Everything is my fault. I’m grateful for finding this series Dr. Phil I am feeling empowered . Thank you for helping us women. Love and appreciate you.❤

[@kristineobrien8878]

Thank you Dr. Phil for taking the time to help so many people who are hurting and helping them in their need❤❤❤

[@TruecrimeWithAlicia]

YOU CAN'T CHANGE THEM! The biggest mistake a lot of us make is we truly believe we can change these narcs. Just leave.

[@vickimerritt2832]

We change for the worst.

[@godschildyes]

So Well Said! Spot On True!

[@Enoughalready20237]

Sometimes it’s not that easy to just leave. Sometimes leaving ups the anty. (Consider leaving a narcissistic friend, partner, family member). That’s when they go truly insane and the abuse escalates.

[@godschildyes]

@@Enoughalready20237 Very True... That's when you've got to get the authorities involved! I had to go live in a private safe house shelter for abused women with my little baby. There are MANY safe houses all across the country. Law Enforcement has a ton of resources at hand and those resources have many connections as well. It's like a big network. They can really help you to start your life over! They can keep you safe by concealing your whereabouts. Help you with restraining orders and court proceedings. There is so much help available for those who are being abused. Even free legal help and attorneys. I had a free attorney who was such a blessing to me and my daughter! No one has to stay in any abusive relationship. There is soooo much help available! I really wish more people knew this!

[@shannonr4027]

​@Godschildyes Brown and resources are more readily available for women, as apposed to men that end up victims of this.

[@GenXBitch]

Narcissists are brutal to argue with. BRUTAL

[@jenniferrosteski3955]

Yes it surely is, it's like beating your head against a concrete wall. After discovering this episode I now have a helmet 🪖 lol

[@mishasuki]

I just had my first argument with one. It was mind boggling how insane it was. Textbook anti-reality, gaslighting craziness

[@bayliedwards6806]

They're so ridiculous, omg They're horrible

[@bodaciousbethany0]

I swear my narc mother & I argued daily. She usually wanted to start up in the car while I'm driving.

[@deannekliene2673]

They convince the world that u r the problem and they smell like roses....

[@cynthiahall9297]

Wow, you just described my life of 40 years. He hit EVERY bullet point. No one understands what I am trying to recover from. Being able to ever trust someone else may never happen. Thanks!

[@melissaclary9646]

I'm in the process of planning to divorce my Covert Narc right now. He's getting MUCH WORSE with age. He started doing drugs too. Our kids & myself have had more than enough I'm done & I'm so sorry for the pain you've been having to go through

[@walinga70]

I fully understand what your trying to recover from. I wish I could say what you want/ need me to say. Personally I don't want to spend the rest of my life in recovery, so I learn all I can to answer years of questions and turmoil. He is part of the person I am today but I am also my old self again. Stronger, smarter, tougher, and fearless. Fear is crippling, the first thing to do is get rid of fear. Best of luck to you. 🤍💪

[@stanmiyamoto6434]

We understand.

[@awsum777]

Trust is a choice.

[@cynthiawhite1122]

He gets so crazy mad over nothing… What's next, is he gonna hit me? How do you get rid of fear?@@walinga70

[@cm9859]

My older sister and my older brother are narcissists. I no longer communicate with them. It is all about them, they look down on me, make snide remarks to me and behind my back, no matter how hard I tried to be nice to them, they are arrogant, condescending. They used details I gave them against me. Criticized me. I stopped talking to them. I was disgusted by them. Yes, grandiose and want all the attention, above me and others. It was exhausting. They just took and never gave back. Best way for me to deal with them is to no longer give them any attention at all.

[@mimiwoodman9227]

My 2 older sisters are narcissists. They tag team against me. I severed ties completely because their gaslighting was relentless. Every interaction with them was malignant. After I blocked them from communicating,they savagely slandered me. I had to ignore their bait because it’s a lost cause. They are spawns of satan. 👹

[@sues3218]

The bible has a quote, "The leech has two daughters, GIVE and GIVE". That pretty much sums up a narcissist. They are exhausting to be around.

[@miffy2760]

Wow how awful for you growing up with that ❤

[@pyramidion5911]

I got a whole family of narcs 😂😅😢

[@tinahuffman588]

Thank you. One of my new mottos in now, "Not everyone you lose, is a loss." I knew this instinctually but we're taught to doubt our instincts.

[@helenamaria710]

The more I listen to this man, the more I like him!

[@melaniedelaware7500]

My mom is a covert narcissist. She says something nasty, but is “just kidding” when you get upset. She guilt trips everybody constantly, and goes on and on about how “nobody ever helps her out” and everyone else is “so lucky” despite her living off of me and my siblings since we were 16. A perpetual victim. It’s exhausting.

[@kawaiimagicalex5170]

woow my grandma is toxic like your mom she say im just kidding can you not take it.

[@sallyroberts3185]

My sister is a narcissist and and my mother has enabled her for years in her now that my mother is in her nineties and has to live with her she gets treated poorly I have tried my best to solve the problem with her living conditions but my mother still insist on staying with her I have lots of boundaries with my sister. But my mother still insists that she still needs to be loved by Us All in the

[@jenniferrosteski3955]

Omgoodness!! We have the exact situation in our family! It's crazy to hear that this exact situation exists for someone else. It's been a living nightmare since childhood and I am now in my early 50's.. it's a such a relief to finally have a name/title to her behavior. Talk about a light bulb moment.

[@user-bh5nn8iz8b]

Leave. Only thing you can do.

[@pcrytsgiangregorio]

I think that the people that see this have identified but it may scare them.

[@obi-wankenobi8462]

Something I’ve noticed that always freaked me out with narcs. They are SO QUICK and FLUENT at lying and acting out these behaviors. It’s immediate, they react sometimes before the trigger has even completed the sentence! It’s insidious, cuz it implies they’re truthful because there’s no gap before the lie or statement, or behaviors! I’m amazed at how quickly they can construct the appropriate “counter” seemingly without thinking. The most common one is “ME TOO!”

[@sabianstringer2112]

Sometimes Reacting to Nonexistent Stuff before you can Finish Your Sentence.

[@fumarate1]

Yes they can be very quick with there tounge.

[@THECREATION369]

@@sabianstringer2112 can’t even finish my sentence and she just start agreeing, when it was nothing for her to agree to that time 😂😂 smh can’t even talk

[@Rude-gyal]

I’m learning that the bottom line is, it’s not your fault, don’t blame yourself, don’t take it personally, set boundaries, and foster self love. They’re hiding their own insecurities and taking it out on you.

[@cf3451]

Dr. Phil is right. You cannot fix narcissists. You will waste your precious life and then if you are able to see the light and cut them off, you still have recovery, and that can take a few years. Being an empathic person is a gift. Use it for yourself first and foremost. Don't worry, you won't become like them. I learned the hard way.

[@dihasmail]

Do you know my daughter? Yes, this is her. She is 3 out of the 4 types. I have 2 daughters , the other is who I can talk to. No one else "knows". Thanks Dr Phil. ❤

[@icingcake]

26:33 this is very good - “they always see themselves in competition with you - the covert narcissist is always leveling themselves with you”

[@fieviolet6889]

And interpret everything u say as a challenge

[@Motherearth35]

The covert narc I knew attempted to dress me down so I wouldn’t out shine him in public.

[@reddrake7174]

Yes!! A life with a seethingly jealous partner! There can be no team in their i i i why life is like living being raked over sand paper... God forbid when you shine at anything! Complemented by anybody!! The putdowns and degrading comment assault will ensue!!

[@karenroy9031]

I am married to a covert narcissist and I am just now figuring it out after 8 years. I never knew what a narcissist was until recently. I had always pictured a narcissist as the bold, loud, outwardly arrogant person and you can see them coming a mile away. I have come to the realization that things will never change, and stopped being victimized. He can act how he wants but will not make me feel bad or sorry for him. I appreciate channels like this that have helped me so much and empowered me to set boundaries.

[@orianam9835]

I recently stopped feeling victimised and actually stopped reacting to him but just responding. I think it could actually work but I do not know how long responding to gaslighting and blameshifting could go for . Not sure it is possible to live like hat unless you just actually stop caring. Is love possible in such circymstances I wonder?

[@karenroy9031]

@@orianam9835 is love possible? Yes. You can love. Your partner may be incapable of love if they are a narcissist

[@CharlesHippe]

Thank you for this video Dr. Phil. I have worked for a covert narcissist for the past 21 years. I didn't realize that he was this way until just a couple of years ago. I was trauma bound and relied on him because I was working with him. He took advantage of me multiple times, and would act like he was the victim all the time. Luckily, he showed his true colors again this year after I forgave him the previous year and I cut the cord. I have a new job and am breaking free of his control. Remember, it is never too late to choose yourself because at the end of the day, you are the most important person in your own story, and they will never see your true value.

[@izzar1156]

Yeah that's the thing with them. You don't know until you in close with them. Same happened to me. Had such a lovely friend, very helpful etc until we got together. He showed hisvtrue colours in about 2minths

[@mambamentality9119]

I’m a covert narcissist this one went in so in-depth. I didn’t even know I was. But it was really was more of a survival skill from extreme childhood trauma. Now that I can look back and really focus in on past mistakes. I realize that’s who I am. I didn’t know until now but now I can see it so clearly.

[@daughteroftheking4629]

If you think your a narssist, you are not. Their frontal lobe is inactive and they have no emotions other than anger. They do not self reflect learn or grow. But being raised by them we learn their ways.... Time to unlearn. The bible helped me!

[@julz77t_homeboy]

Are you making changes ? I want to know if it’s possible for my narc mother to change and improve. I’m 47 and damaged so badly by her. 😢

[@12Flowers1]

@@julz77t_homeboysame here

[@bonnie5546]

God Bless You. Holy Trinity is helping you. I think you're a brave person and have taken the 1st step of a worthy journey.

[@deliawebster2142]

you couldn't be too much of a narcissist if you have enough self-reflection to see it. Kudos and God bless you for your insight.

[@jodicubbler761]

Dr Phil, I hope this session and all my tears is a sign that I am healing. I have cried practically the entire time. You were touching on what I have lived through for around 10 or so years. I still carry the hurts and the scars from our marriage. He said he loved me, and in the beginning he was so unwavering in his emotions, but then he became as you speak of. I guess I still have some trauma from it, due to the tears, but I have tried to hold back the tears trying to stay strong as I can and not lose it. I loved him deeply. He could be sweet, too. So I was broken when he left. And when he told me he was seeing an old acquaintance and how they had consummated their relationship, I couldn't even stand. I dropped to the floor I was so weak. And again, my heart was broken. Maybe he was encouraged with himself in this. I don't know. Well, I just wanted to tell you how powerful your talk with me, I felt it was only me, was. Thank you for caring. I have had to go through so much alone. I have had no one to turn to. But, I am healing slowly. Correction...I haven't been alone. God has been with me. I could not have made it through without Him. God bless you, Dr. Phil. You have helped so many people. Thank you for I accidentally happened upon this podcast today. Thank you Jodi C

[@teresabeers8268]

Detailed enough to bring consummated into conversation was purposely planned to further devastate you. What a MONSTER !!!

[@deborahpharaoh4505]

❤❤

[@HDGeoSacred]

✨🙏💫⭐🤍

[@karenkelly673]

Married to a covert narc for 20 years. I asked him to leave 2 years ago. Truth be told, I am still exhausted. Still trying to get a divorce. According to him, I am the lowest of the low, because I wanted out. I just want some peace.

[@jonathanvaldes1232]

I hope you have found some peace...

[@lindaprofitarealtor]

Me 28 and that’s my life exactly

[@Rabswood296]

Save yourself, get out and go no contact.

[@awsum777]

Don t let yourself be manipulated I am sure he tells you everything wrong and your relationship is it your fault don't buy into that and if it's affecting your health and traumatize you and your children Benya sometimes we have to leave find the strength to let go and move on don't let the things he says go into your spirit and poison you and go into your mind that you begin to believe that because 20 years is a long time to be with someone like that that will actually feel like you have been brainwashed that there was something you could have done to make a difference no do what you got to do block out what he says don't even give it a second thought and go do what you got to do so that you can have peace God bless and may God give you the strength

[@someonerandom1111]

True.. same point in life except my spouse will never let me get a divorce.

[@elsjemassyn8921]

I was a covert narcissist. God held a mirror to my face and showed me how pitifull I was and I changed, became compassionate, kind and consistent. If I can change, anyone can. Anyone that wants to change

[@natashahall2134]

Praise God you saw it! Most never do. I'm happy for you that you have done the work and made the change. I'm sure your loved ones are even more grateful than could be expressed ❤😊

[@elsjemassyn8921]

@@natashahall2134 For sure Natasha♥️

[@pyramidion5911]

You might just have narcissistic traits from being raised one.

[@thomaserikson8985]

Interesting. This is exactly how dr Phil described the humble brag.

[@tyyneviljakainen5108]

You can fool someone but real narsists never change.

[@cynthiatupling4900]

Both of my parents are Narcississ. My mom is a covert Narcississ. You just explained my whole childhood. She was a victim and the world owed her everything. She neve worked hard and always made fun of my husband and I during our first years of marriage when we were struggling. But when we became more successful in our careers she made sure to show off our house and cars as if they were hers. Never once did I ever hear anything postive.

[@sanamichael8563]

I wish I knew all these information years ago. I was a victim of all kind of narcissist s.. They are exactly of how you described them . I was always down and I didn’t know why. Thank you dr Phil , you boost my confidence whenever I listen to you . I am trying to heal and get in touch with my authentic self.

[@natalijamartina]

Me too. 🙏

[@arianahoule7223]

Me too. I wish I had heard this in my 20's. I'm now 74 and waking up. Fortunately, I found the courage to leave my husband after 13 years. And I do have three beautiful children and four grandchildren. Sana, I'm sending you loving energy.

[@pipichanmomy3276]

Me too

[@Snipsnipsnippie]

Oh yes me too

[@reneegray6084]

ME too! I love My Doctor. So much help to me. The Narcissist do not like him! lol

[@antoinettefrontino7976]

I've read alot about narcissists for years, but the way it's broken down in this series, is so very helpful. I've been surrounded by narcissists all my life; a parent, ex-husband, family members, friends, past co-workers. The perfect word for them is insidious. The worst part is that they won't get help. They think there's nothing wrong with them. One thing from this is that I have gotten stronger. I've gone no contact with these kind of people. A very difficult thing to do but definitely needed to have peace in your life. I read recently about something a lady said that she can tell right away when she talks to someone on the phone for the 1st time or she meets someone for the 1st time, how does she feel afterward? If not good, then she'll never talk to them again or see them again. Similar to what was said in this video. It's good to fill your life with people who truly love you, support you, and care for you, and if you find that people are good and then they "take off their mask", it's in your best interest to keep them out of your life. God bless

[@darloonie9465]

Covert narcissists are cowards. But some are entrepreneurs.

[@peggyhamburg9449]

I never realized that the narc in my life was a covert. He fits in every point.

[@dannyroberts9807]

Covert narcissists aren't always as narrowly as described here. Sometimes the covertness comes in a cool and calm facade where everything is centered on creating an image of being put together, yet a constant keen focus on making sure no one sees the cracks in the that facade....quietly looking down on the peons around them that are only useful if there's something to take or gain

[@ThePossumone]

Yes I think there are other nuances here especially if they are expert manipulators

[@tone3560]

its all speculation..

[@Matt-602]

I agree! The net of that word is already too vague as it is. Now that's becoming mainstreamed as a word-- too many people are using it where it shouldn't be used. On the other hand, I like how you mentioned the self-superiority they eventually display. (If they're so superior, how come they always have to wear a mask for a while? That question was rhetorical). They reveal themselves from the idealization phase to the discard phase in the way that they talk about other people. It's just not as obvious in the first stage. But as soon as that same grandiosity comes towards their target after taking off the mask finally--you can see that they were hiding the signs all along with 20/20 hindsight

[@Blonde111]

Absolutely… I was a victim of exactly that. And to this day, no one knows or believes me.

[@christinaferreira8594]

Oh there is definitely this kind of narc! These I think fall more into the malignant narcissist or I think sometimes they can be two kinds of narc combined.

[@prissy4667]

My therapist has told my husband he is a covert narcissistic. But he has opened a business and is a hard worker. Also great provider, financially. He will do anything to make himself look good. But behind closed doors he's is extremely cruel.

[@SheilaChung-rt5iy]

❤

[@robinsmith2549]

same thing happend to me , who he was behind closed doors was a mean , Abusive , Controling man , he has 2 personalities , he would be nice to get what he wanted from someone , and had no Integrity when Noone was looking , he was absolutely insane when we were alone , his mentally state was Gone after 30 years , Everything was Always all about him and his Life , I didn't even exist at that point .

[@Sunnyfield323]

So will you do ?

[@dearana8100]

If he finds other women good luck to you

[@sues3218]

Yep, the hardest part to deal with is how they portray themselves as so good to the outside, but inside the immediate circle they are so cruel and cold hearted. It makes you feel like, nobody will believe me. The mind games they play are insane.

[@SomebodysOhm]

It all rings so true. The thing that ended my faith in him was when he said "I don't do anything if there isn't something in it for me"

[@lindaroselevin2191]

Why? Because he was honest.

[@williamrobbins-ru8ww]

​@@lindaroselevin2191Really , is that how you see it !!! You don't think it has anything to do with ' finely revealing what type of person he is . !!

[@nonzwakazishulamite701]

This is such an excellent video! I never came across such an accurate description. This video was so triggering for me because it's an exact description of my ex husband and my mom in law. The gaslighting, victim mentality, passive aggression, lying, constantly sapping away of one is mind blowing. I discovered this later in my marriage and immediately when he detected it he filed for divorce. Thank you for your expertise, you will remain the best in the field.

[@susankovach8927]

You were so blessed. Did you have children?

[@annburnett7442]

Me, too! Your heart breaks for those who have to go through this! It is emotionally abusive. I felt relieved the day she said the unforgettable hostages she made out of my grandchildren when she told me never to expect to see them again! After years of her abuse I just said go and live your life! Haven't spoken since.

[@maikanneuloosi]

Thank you for this video. You described my 10 year marriage with a husband exactly 😢 he destroyed my self-confidence, self-esteem,made me question my sanity, disregarded my values and principals in how to live (though first when me were dating, he told me having same values)... I ended being completely broken, losing my physical health and psychologically ending with severe depression and anxiety... I still work on considering myself worth caring and loving for and getting the tools to never be betrayed by another narcissist

[@nilgiridreaming]

I often tried to avoid my ex-husband's family gatherings where i was the butt of attacks all the time. I was not seeking anything else other than a normal interaction. Somehow it always ended up with feeling shredded.

[@amyhellerford9422]

I had the same experience with mine. It's awful !

[@denisechaoub90]

Same here

[@yvonnegarcia786]

Totally understand!!

[@annburnett7442]

I lost my first baby at 42 weeks. Then get pregnant ASAP & then had Jessica. I loved her so much & always told her she was awesome, the best etc. Now I'm 69 & she treats me so poorly. She has used my grandkids against me. Now I don't see them or talk to them. I just said go live your life!! I'm done.

[@roxannehintzen1010]

Wow..I can relate to that

[@audreyflannery5270]

Dear Dr Phil I wrote to you many years ago about my son with Narcolepsy. I want you to know that after five years he was just promoted to Senior Controls Engineer. I tell him how proud I am of him often. We dont drink but we did open champagne and toasted to his Accomplishments. Despite everything we both have persevered. I moved three times and we were fortunate to be able to buy a home we share. I am so proud of my son. I tell him often how proud I am of him. It is easier to raise a healthy child than to try to repair an adult.. i did my best to raise him to know God and he loves God. I just wanted you to know he is doing awesome. I am proud of you. I am grateful for you. God bless you. Love you and you're beautiful wife. God bless you and your family.

[@YvonneJakubowski]

I've been married 35 years to a narcissist and getting a divorce at 77 years of age. I'm blessed to spend the rest of my life in peace.

[@bjbaccus5]

Amen to your freedom!

[@AMFB731]

I am right behind you. My eyes have opened. Thanks for your bravery.

[@kennethbailey9853]

❤Amen !❤️

[@brendahannah5684]

You are an inspiration

[@bellaroccisano4156]

I hope you have a relationship with Jesus so you can live an eternity Him and happiness ❤

[@estherpennington7826]

I appreciate this podcast far more than the show

[@darlenecollette8027]

Currently married to one. Have been together for 8 years. I’m awake to him fully but I’m doing a lot of growth personally that he is helping to fuel. I feel he’s in my life for this growth and then when his usefulness is over he will move on out of my life.

[@lasttrimestr49califos89]

Surprise! You are classic. Lol

[@GeriPsy]

Fascinating that Phil talks about a subject that is so near and dear to his heart as manifest on his show. He is indeed, an expert.

[@maggiekaykay1]

My children’s father was a covert narc. He was so unassuming when we first met. Shy, kind, easygoing, helpful. He turned out to be the exact opposite of those things. He has no substance to him and no real personality but he puts on an act. When we separated I realized sadly we had zero connection of any kind. He didn’t even know me and vice versa. We were together 10 years. I tried to connect with him in 5,000,000 different ways and it never worked.

[@danettecook2709]

So confusing. Many traits my guy had, but many he didn’t. He was a quieter Narc. Not boisterous or needed attention. But he didn’t like being questioned. He wanted to be seen as a leader, but wouldn’t lead. He called himself humble, and would shy away from praise. But it was also hard for him to praise anyone. He already dangled a carrot for me to try to transform into what he liked and rarely then gave any compliments. Like I could never “catch” him or be good enough. Would never go very deep into conversation and had no needs of his own when I asked what they were. See? He had some traits, but not all. So it’s taken me a long time to realize he was a Narcissist until my therapist pointed out his quiet, slow abuse of me. These videos really help though.

[@alihuebner9086]

I'm in the same boat. Married for 25 years to a man exactly like you described. He's also never apologized to me for anything, turns it around on me like it was My fault that I'm too sensitive. Completely avoids conflict and when you try to address something he flies off in a rage. Last night we got into it and he took it so far as to threaten to kill himself, told me he wasted 25 years with me. I really need to work on my self esteem and get strong, get my ducks in order and find another life where I can get some peace. I need to realize that there are men out there that are caring. The thought of starting over at 50 is just so terrifying. He never let me own anything including a bank account. I own my own business but he put it, the house, all the vehicles and everything else we own in his name. Will not even let me have the password to look at my bank account. I just have to to give him all the money and leave it at that. Truth is I've tried to set boundries and he's so controlling and has all the power so it doesn't work. I am wondering how you are doing Danette? How are you handling this? We can't fix them, we know this.

[@karengriffin7693]

I dated a classic Narcissist for 4 years. I finally took the 'blue' pill (or is it the red pill) and left. You have to go 'cold turkey' when you finally have the courage to leave. Otherwise, they will find a way to get you back. The stories and examples I could go on about..is off the charts! He was a freakin' case study! After I left him, I had dreams about him and he had no face in the dreams!!!! Telling!!!

[@carmenbaruffa7450]

So spot on, Dr Phil. Wow. Thank you for helping me realize that I am not the crazy one. I am seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist when it should be him. After 41 years of marriage, he has finally sucked me dry. I pray that God will give me the strength to set myself free.

[@karenanderson7131]

Get out. Whatever it takes. You’ll be so glad.

[@anneroarty6473]

@Karen Anderson I was in a 45year marriage with narcissist .I am now 4years free I wish I had done it years ago but it is never too late.

[@dais007]

@@anneroarty6473 What made you decide and gave you the courage to leave? I’m 41 years in and just realized a few years ago about narcissism. Thought I was crazy and never could figure out why he was so hateful to me. Everything Dr. Phil says here applies.

[@jeanettahenderson2800]

@@dais007 I can relate to your story. Been a couple years since I started watching a few KZbinrs explain to me about narcassists. I had no idea that was the problem in our relationship every single day!! One month ago today, on Mother's Day, he was mad at me for sharing time with my family for 3 hours because he could never be bothered to interact with most of them. He raged at me a couple times before going and then when I came home and within 4 hours, he had raged several more times. I was watching the Elvis video and he couldn't believe that it was still on over and over again. (2 1/2 hours worthwhile movie to watch unlike his violent revenge movies he watches.) So took the video out and was going to take a hot bath and watch the rest of it on my laptop. He still raged, like how dare I watch something he wouldn't want to watch while he was out back working on his 4 wheel drive and then the lawn mower!!! He was so angry on his way out of the house, I slammed the bathroom door. He went out back and yelled/screamed like a banshee, then threw something and broke my bathroom window knowing I was merely in front of my claw foot bathtub. I called 911 and he was telling me it was nothing, tell the police not to come. He meant to hit beside the window, yada, yada. Decided I just couldn't live in his vortex anymore. You and I both deserve better. 911 dispatch heard it all. That was the only time he claimed a hint of responsibility. The police came and he tried 4 times to pull the wool over their eyes as per the 3rd police officer. After asking me a personal questionnaire they ask all domestic violence victims Officer Smith told me he was unable to tell me what to do, though he strongly encouraged me to get out of the relationship before it got even worse! All I could think was what if I had been hit by that rock?!!! It could have hit me in the head and I could have been rushed to the ER in need of medical attention. That is what propelled me and is keeping me moving forward after 39 years of marriage. I just have to leave this covert/malignant narcissist. It has been a serious blow to my health and at 57, I am just thankful that I have GOD at my side. At least HE truly cares for me. Learned the narc only cared for me as long as he was getting something from me. I have been the sole supporter of our household for 15 years and have a lot of support from what few people I have managed to somehow keep as friends and people I have worked for and with. 😲😞 I choose joy over control. Daisy, please consider the life you could be living away from their constant controlling, shift blaming, gaslighting, and insidious ways. YOU CAN DO IT TOO! I can see the sunlight at the end of this dark tunnel and I decided that I'm going to run for it!!! 🙂🙂🙂

[@jacquelynmedina5401]

Took me 5 years. I thought people like this only existed in movies. I was so innocent and gullible.

[@victoriadisalvo5308]

I hope and pray Dr. Phil that you speak in 2024 about healing for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse Trauma. Thank You.

[@victoriadisalvo5308]

Especially the Trusting trauma.

[@dawnbp845]

Have you listened to Dr Ramani? She had a healing from narcissism program.

[@theresaalbano4363]

Read my book coming out November 2024 “The Empty Bird Feeder-Life Without The Narcissist”

[@jenniferwest4043]

Thank you Dr Phil!!! Where was this podcast 15 years ago?? I was with my covert narc for 25 years! I made excuses for why he acted the way he did! I couldn't leave because he would never be able to survive without me!! I got 3 beautiful kids out of the deal and a lot of wasted years. Now to teach and protect my kiddos! Videos like this continue to help confirm I did the right thing leaving 5 years ago! Thank you! I will be sharing this!!

[@joannemarichalar1952]

They will never apologize with sincerity. They won't apologize because they're NEVER IN THE WRONG. If they should say they're it's a lie. - tell 'em what they wanna hear. I'm happy with my dog.

[@joycemendelson4638]

I was so young and had no idea what a Narcissist was! I married him, because he convinced me that he loved me more than every one else ever would. Even every expression " You're too sensitive ", "You need mental help", etc. is right on. He even convinced my kids about this. I tried to keep my family together, but he was very successful in his job. After 28 years, he left me for poker, and a cocktail waitress. Of course, he wrote me out of everything, and gave me a settlement. I objected, and he raged at me. I saw a whole different side of him, became afraid of him, and accepted his divorce papers. The money wasn't worth it .

[@tueches1822]

my heart goes out to you, Joyce. I have been in a similar relationship for too long. Thank God you got your freedom.

[@ThePossumone]

Yes You need help You need to see a psychiatrist Your too sensitive I’m worried about your mental health All my ex wives were crazy

[@olliefoxx7165]

​@@ThePossumone Sometimes the things you posted (aside from the "ex-wives") is true. Some people ARE to sensitive, some DO need to see a psychiatrist, people can be worried about your mental health. Occasionally the person being accused of narcissm isn't the problem

[@rondamangus890]

Naieve

[@rondamangus890]

This is Accurate, knows his stuff, Lived w Narcissist, 22 years. First baby 6 weeks old, he would not give baby a bottle, I was rolling on floor w gallbladder attack, I did it, I had to call my mom, who worked at factory, by our house, Told her I was so sick. I could not take care of baby, he clapped his hands, said I was putting on a good show, because everything he did as a narcissist, was a show, My mom came, called him home, an she told him , you are either taking her to Dr., I am, He said I can, 60 gallstones, almost died, Gallbladder almost busted. One of many episodes in my life, control, abuse, ruined my kids lives, Drunk all the time, passed out in kids bed, an could even come to our room, Took me a lifetime to figure this monster out, But I did, Listen to Dr. Phil, maybe can help your situation, early.....

[@brigittebowman9113]

What a phenomenal series this is. I'm starting from the beginning and going to watch them all. I'm so happy I came upon these episodes very recently. Thanks Dr Phil. 🌹

[@romualdosouza7486]

Narcissists do not have troubles at their professional life. Their problems appear into their familiar interactions, intimate partner etc.

[@jenchristianrn1]

Not true. That narc lied his way into a manager position and got fired.

[@denisevalley9021]

Married 29 years to a covert narcissist. You are not alone. They cause a lot of damage. It's not your fault. Remember how they treated you is more about them then it is a bout you! God bless you on your new journey!

[@NancyEMcGill]

This is the most comprehensible and pragmatic discussion on the topic in which I've ever heard. Now it's as clear as day. I wasted too many years in a toxic relationship. Back then it was as clear as mud and made my head spin. I truly wish I knew then what I know now.

[@dianesims8587]

I am 66 years old. My mother was a narcissist and I am still trying to heal.

[@nancystewart2686]

So accurate. "Leveling" is not just an annoying behavior - it's their career, their vocation, a full-time job. I have 60 years of personal experience with a family member who is a female covert/vulnerable malignant narcissist. She has made it her lifelong career to prey upon and destroy others in order to elevate her feelings of self-worth by feeling superior to those she destroys.

[@TeresaTolak]

Thank you Dr. Phil, I needed this so much: mother covert narcissist has ruined my future and my life, but now I know it’s not too late for me to be happy for who I am and give others some happiness. Love you Dr. Phil ❤

[@bethhayes8427]

My mom was a narcissist and once when my brother was around 50 he ask her why she never loved him. She looked at him for a minute with a blank look on her face and said. Because you always had holes in your jeans. All i felt when she died was relief that the abuse was over.

[@raquelmateus4471]

OMG

[@bodaciousbethany0]

I'm sorry for your loss. 🌸I was so brainwashed when I lost my narc mother, I was the only 1 crying. As years past I noticed how much better I felt & how better circumstances were without her. She was gone 10 years before I learned about narcissism.

[@stephaniepiazzese2602]

What a horrible thing to say to your own child. 😢

[@inezlumpkin5573]

​ in.

[@inezlumpkin5573]

​@@stephaniepiazzese2602in I'm

[@adavidbujanda]

The dr. Phil show we've been waiting for..

[@cassandraconroy563]

This is helpful to hear your perspective and also your comments about getting worn out by narcissists. Trying to encourage a narcissist to change is like trying to change the sky from blue to yellow. I like when you said "the trash took itself out" :)

[@letsplaydoordash]

Thanks Dr Phil. I would love for you to talk about what happens when 2 narcissistic people come together and clash.

[@karenrogers1896]

My parents were together for years both miserable fighting for control victims

[@deborahcoutant2173]

My mother is a narcissist and has hurt me since I was 6. A covid, and I have left her four months ago. I’m much happier and am much better emotionally!

[@Diabeteslovewithdee]

Dr. Phil, you’re my hero! You are saving me from the miserable life I have been living for the last 2.5 years. Nothing I do is good enough for my partner. I realize now he is a covert narcissist. I can’t change him or fix him. I just need to walk away and protect my sanity and myself. Thank you so much for sharing your insights and caring about us!!

[@Ndeye-p4h]

The Roosevelt quote has said it all. Thank you. You are a Torch in the darkness for many. God bless you 😊.

[@poeticposturing3850]

What I learned from living with a narcissist is that I have a tendency to take on the narcissist's negative emotions as a way of alleviating the narcissist from having to deal with their emotions. I did it because I learned in my childhood that if mommy was bitter and I didn't relieve her from her bitterness, my spirit was going to be ripped from me and left in the dust. If I didn't take on her despair as my own, I would be annihilated. The irony is that this habit of taking on the emotions of others took my spirit from me anyway. I'd like to hear more about this co-dependent habit Dr. Phil.

[@joeygarcia6783]

Funny true

[@patriciaflores2776]

Stay strong keep your heart of gold🙏on your journey

[@ritaroberts997]

I am so sorry

[@God_Leads_My_Way]

Sounds like you been surrounded by energy vampires need to look into energy transferance

[@cynthiadavis3102]

I feel glad you have this much awareness. But your suffering has been great. Sorry for that.

[@halfadozenangels]

You are so spot on it's scary. Listening, knowing you don't know my son, yet you describe him perfectly, was completely healing to my heart. I endured years of mental abuse from him. I gleaned the hard way the lessons you've taught about the boundaries and keeping my power.

[@chhall38]

I am sorry you have that to handle.

[@barbholzhauer311]

! By

[@barbholzhauer311]

! By

[@barbholzhauer311]

❤

[@FreekVonkie]

I'm diagnosed with a cluster B personality disorder and covert narcism is absolutely what counts for me. And yes, everything Dr. Phil says is absolutely true. And yes, I had a though ride as a child, and yes I totally agree that a grown up narcissist should seek help and must point at him/herself. Sincerely feeling ashamed about what you have done wrong is a starting point to recover and to analyse everything you say and do on a daily base. I was a succesfull sales manager for many years, but also now understand why. I used my ability to manipulate or twist the truth in order to win. It even grow my narcism. So, I'm seeking now a job where I help people in order to change my own role into a humble, loving and caring person. 2 of my (ex) friends are grandiose narcissist. They both can't keep frienships, they both don't work anymore for years (nothing is good enough and now one understands them) and both get angry, get quiet or simply walk away when they loose a discussion. It is laughable and childish, and probably they will not change and face a miserable life (and their family).

[@thelmacurtis1725]

Wow, so on point. I have a narcissistic co worker who does exactly what you're talking about. And I'm the one who couldn't care less about how good I am at doing the job (and I know I do it well). And she does everything to sabotage my work, slyly, covert. And lies through her teeth and plays the victim. And the person who works right beside her is malignant. What a team, the get on really well together and they don't even realize they both using and hiding behind each other to achieve their goal.

[@jenniferporter4734]

This is the most validating video I've ever watched. The 30 yr old taken care of by mom playing video games, too good to work for anyone...spot on. Soooo many of these points were my life for 23 years! Almost killed me mentally

[@donatoandlucia]

Thank you Dr. Phil for being introspective, that disqualifies you as a narcissist. A fan from California!👍🏻💜

[@barbaramartin6345]

Dr. Phil you are a great teacher, THANK you for explaining everything.

[@SuzanneBerry]

This has been very helpful. My 38 yr. old daughter has treated me with disrespect and anger, etc. for yrs. and ONLY till watching Dr. Phil EXPLAIN it, feel I'm able to move forward and ACCEPT what I cannot change.

[@ShadowJerker-st3lj]

I always look at the parents. Environment adds to narcissism

[@BridiesMammaG]

Everyone blames the Mother. It’s not always so cut and dry. We do our best. Sometimes we fail but IMHO if the focus is on the 1% failure and the other 9% is overlooked then we can’t win. Take heart ❤️ You wouldn’t be here if you were totally the problem

[@nikkinorton8310]

My high school counselor incorporated Zig Ziggler into our curriculum as a high school student in the 1980 s. I looked forward to that class every day. One of the things he said was you can get further ahead of you're helping other people reach their goals. That works really well, unless you are helping someone whose goal is to destroy you. Then you have a problem. As I have found out. I'm going to admit to being idealistic here, but I think the message we get everywhere now is learned helplessness in dealing with these people. Whether or not they have empathy, we have rules and ethics. I think we need to empower people to be upstanders instead of bystanders. The people who stand up for victims of abuse, get a target on their back, because and only because, there aren't enough people who say hey wait a minute. That's wrong. Direct communication has become a thing of the past. Behaviors tell all. We don't have leaders anymore. We have machiavellians who do whatever they want and they stand unimpeded. Weinstein and Epstein are two that people were afraid to stand up to. The got respect by fear, not admiration and they were ok with that. Let's empower people to do the right thing. Please. Society is definitely collapsing around us because we are adapting to the manipulation of the day. Let's find a way to turn it around.

[@williamrobbins-ru8ww]

Brilliant ly put. The old saying , bad things happen because good people do. Nothing

[@honestandfair1572]

Live with this 22 yrs I deserve an award and my. Blessing awakening and compassion ❤

[@ihabfarag5460]

Thank you so much for your contribution in saving my sole from my covert narcissist wife. My 25 years in this relation have destroyed me. I never imagined that someone could be evil to that extent. I made every effort to make her happy and she did everything that would destroy me psychologically. It took me 3 years after I knew about narcissism to digest and overcome what I am in. I have two boys, and my fear now is that one of them would inherit this evil character.

[@an_original_thought]

Be wary as well of those who make it a point to call someone out as a narcissist. One of the biggest eye openers for me was watching my partners ex accuse him of being one. After vigilantly watching for any red flags for nearly a decade, I can see she was absolutely projecting.

[@THECREATION369]

Daywana Mclaurin count your days

[@joyce6235]

I have only had live streaming tv for a really long time now and I had not got to watch you for many years. I realized now much I missed your wisdom. I love that I have found you on KZbin now. Thank you Dr. Phil always for your wisdom😊

[@PartnerWithAngela]

Don't take it personal and don't expect an apology wow. 2 amazing tips.

[@tricialemire5485]

My mom is a covert narcissist. I finally told her how I felt and she threatened me she’s taking me out of her will she told me I was sick. And after everything she’s done for me. I was a problem child and she tried to make me a good person. That was her comment to me telling her how i truly felt. So she told my entire family and they all disowned me as well. I feel free and now it’s time to rehabilitate myself and get to know who I am without my mother.

[@Jim-Jam69]

Exactly I am an empathetic person and I’m a magnet for toxic people. I was married to a woman that was diagnosed anti- social-disorder and after learning about boundaries and learning toxic people I’m still a magnet and I feel I can’t get away from them. In which I struggle in finding a healthy woman

[@PONYHEAVEN]

I will listen to this talk of yours another 3 times, Sir. For the pure and cruel truth of it.

[@tracyholmes-f6d]

Absolutely truth. Wow he nails it

[@stefanlindstrom-entreprenology]

This is such a great and adequate information video. Dr Phil you nailed them - self-effacing, sullen, passive-aggressive, paranoid, malcontents criticize others, complaining, and playing the victim, cuz the world is out to get them. And in disguise as depressed.

[@lisalambrecht6676]

Can they be stupid enough to not be able to keep their stories straight? Says one thing and later tell a different story? Has been dumped in the double digits,never his fault and just moves on to the next relationship,without a look back. Has no real friends and his big extended family have little contact with him.

[@giapuffs]

Dr. Phil just described my one of my parents. I'm 25 and stuck with this person who won't get a job and care for themselves and even though I'm aware of it all I just feel so guilty of leaving and them ending up homeless.

[@ThanaBrunges-mx7ji]

My sister was a covert narcissist bird w the broken wing act ugh ! 😩

[@hipchik30]

I was married to a covert narcisist for 18 years and developed a panic disorder in the process. It took another 18 years to recover from the abuse and undo the negative wiring that occurred from just being in his presence. I'm so glad to be free from all the negativity and nonsensical thinking. It was stifling. Dr. Phil is right. They have no insight into themselves and do not change.

[@phyllislester6094]

How fortuitous to have come across this. This just happened to me. I got too close to my grand daughter .This must have threatened my daughter -in-law. She came at me with a vengeance that I never deserved. She must know that she is a narcissist because she projected this title onto me. My son has been captured and doesn’t want to risk her rather. They were supposed to take care of me in my more elder years but now I will make other arrangements ! I’m fortunate to have other children but it will require me to move at some point . I’m 77 and not too late to learn. No amount of compliments ever assuaged her . I always told her how talented and creative she was . Now I understand why I could not get close to her. By the way she had a garbage upbringing .Thank you Dr. Phil for exposing to me what I just endured, the rath of a narcissist!

[@RubyGonzales]

I never realized that being chronically late could be associated to narcissism. I have ADHD and being late more than not is one of my weakness. Im still working on having consistency to be early or at least not late, despite the challenges of ADHD. I feel bad but I guess this is a really good information to always remember. This might help me finally break my bad habit.

[@angieoconnell6392]

1. you would not question or feel guilty about your deficiency if you were a narc. 2. Being late because of time blindness is quite different than thinking their world is more important than everyone else's. 3. You probably don't have extremes of the other criteria that would be needed to be classified this way. 4. NPD is diagnosed when their behaviour and traits cause themselves personal distress...if their narcissistic personality works for them, they'll never have NPD diagnosis. 5. We all have an ego...we all have a moment where your going to have a trait that lands somewhere on the spectrum. Is it one that is extreme and consistent? Probably not...ADHD is not a dysfunction of personality. It is processing issues. :-) Medication can help...meds don't help how someone's personality functions.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Being late is just one symptom of narcissism. To be a narcissist you have to meet all the criteria. You have awareness and anonymously saying this in a comment section, you arent a narcissist!

[@debbiebolek2117]

I have a question I lost my son and my sister needs to let me know what she does with her kids and grand kids when I will never have that way of life. Unfortunately she disclaims everything that happened in the past when I reached out she wasn't there for me and my young kids in a marriage when I needed help. I forgive her for that and even told her so. But to bring up about her kids and grandkids her hurts my heart because my son' is not here. I am happy for her. I guess I have to be brave about it.

[@foreveryoungsiberianhuskie6771]

My mother was one that compared her self to her children. If one was smart, she refused to put them in gifted classes so they couldn't get smarter than her. If one was pretty, she belittled and wouldn't let them wear attractive clothing or make up because that child was now competition.

[@tinawaston2791]

Sad to hear. I'm the free bird in the family and tormented my whole life. Hard to get over

[@pamelabrooks1944]

This is so helpful to me. For years I would say to the covert narcissist I dated, you are the victim of Pam. Every time I would call him out on some behavior he would turn it around and play the victim. It wore me out. Dr. Phil is right - you won't change them. They are relentless in defending themselves. Walk away as soon as possible.

[@kellituck9179]

You are a beautiful soul & influence in my life. What a gift. Thank you I had a traumatic childhood, not anything that would would cross anybody mind and growing up with your authentic authentic presentations and truth have enhanced enhanced my life beyond measure.. Thank you.

[@susangoodman2598]

I think you're a pretty good citizen, too.. You did excellent Phil from Ontario Canada. Thank you for all your great research.

[@myrad6096]

Thank you for taking the time to put this information 🙏 here for anyone that needs it

[@desiertos-j7h]

I lived with one, for several months; and documented her behaviour. These Covert Narcissists play their infantile yet futile games, such as drama, gaslighting, self-entitlement, jealousy, self-serving empathy, love-bombing, withholding, fakeness, mirroring, projection, dysfunctional ego, victim-mentality, over-sensitive to critique, delusional, withdrawn, judgemental, manipulative, abandonment fears, blame-shifting, disrespectful, passive-aggressive, cognitive dissonance, holiday-ruining, devaluing, empty-promising, future-faking, unaccountability, triangulation, boundaries-crossing, envious, low self-esteem, double standards, hoovering and smear campaign. Great video, Doc! Setting boundaries and enforcing them is key, along being your own best friend. Have an awesome rest of the year.

[@leanna107]

Wow you wrote every single thing so well, spot on.

[@williamrobbins-ru8ww]

Wow , so well put. Your said it all.

[@mariaarguellohuper]

You did it! wrote everything they do! thank you

[@daughteroftheking4629]

Love bombing, lying...

[@heart4jesus406]

Dr Phil thank you so much for this I was in back to back narcissistic relationships the First was a malignant and the second one was a covert and I tend to agree with you the covert was actually worse as he came across as shy and quiet and sad it's everything you have described no matter what I did or said was never right always felt like walking egg shells I am now on my own and am so blessed to have my peace and solitude back I was so exhausted I couldn't even function hardly in the end

[@joeygarcia6783]

🤒

[@reneegray6084]

I feel your pain. I was in the Covert relationship 2010 - 2012 first, then the Malignant that I met 2015, 2017 married, 2019 separated and 2021 divorced. Seems he has all the other traits as well. It wasn't easy. He's on wife #4, right after I, #3, divorced him. The gifts, the lovable husband in public (social media), but not around my family and friends, he flirted with them while ignoring me. I am so glad to be gaining my power back with knowledge. Lisa Romano is spot on too. Thank You GOD for protecting me!!! Knowledge is POWER. I LOVE MY DOCTOR.

[@vivianfrandsen7960]

😊

[@kamlaprasad1510]

Thank you Dr Phil. I love listening to you. There is so much to learn and be aware of.

[@michaelclark4043]

Dr. Phil. You're a GODSEND. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.