Phil in the Blanks: Narcissistic Personality - Toxic Personalities in the Real World (PART 1)

Listeners learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Dr. Phil’s new mental health podcast series, “Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World.”
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Dr. Phil tells compelling stories about real people. The Dr. Phil Show is an American daytime talk show and TV series with host and personality Dr. Phil McGraw, who offers advice from his experience as a psychologist. The show provides the most comprehensive forum on mental health issues in the history of television. For over a decade, Dr. McGraw has used the show's platform to make psychology accessible to the general public by addressing important personal and social issues. Here on the Dr. Phil KZbin channel, you will find the best moments, highlights, and segments from the TV show. We upload new videos every day, so make sure you subscribe and ring the bell for all notifications, so you don't miss a single one.
Full episodes of the Dr. Phil Show premiere every weekday on CBS, with a new season premiering every fall in 2021, 2022, and 2023. Each full episode contains an interview or multiple interviews with doctors, teens, families, parents, kids, and more. The executive producers are Phil McGraw and showrunner Oprah Winfrey of OWN. Dr. Phil is the top-rated daytime talk show attracting millions of viewers every day alongside other talk shows, including The Ellen Show with Ellen DeGeneres, The Dr. Oz Show, The Kelly Clarkson Show, and The Steve Wilkos Show. Dr. Phil makes regular appearances on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and The Late Late Show with James Corden. Dr. Phil has also done crossovers with 90 Day Fiancé, Inside Edition, and Marrying Millions.
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[@stephaniepiazzese2602]

It’s so spot on,, they DO NOT HAVE EMPATHY. FOR ANYONE. EVEN THEIR OWN CHILDREN.

[@shantid5081]

They love nobody, they don't even love themselves. They intrumentalise the kids, no feelings for the poor kids who's in painful situation. It's always all about them.. ..he still write about , that I was a 0, he saved me, he paied so much for my 1st son. (He only bought shoes , clothes, toys, some outings, only til he moved out of flat) . After that just some electronic devices He never financed a whole holiday trip . He started to pay child support after 2,5 years. For no one. So greedy, by stealing my money , putting me in problems. (debt of rent). All the problems : to him it's because of me, I'm the pathetic person, a bad mother....

[@ritaspringer7818]

OMGod NO!!!. So true. Puts them both in Trama drama while she gets her High

[@ritaspringer7818]

And I watch her smerk

[@ritaspringer7818]

That's amazing about not even there children. I've been while in the BS saw daily her react with her children adults now pull there emotions apart for trama drama every day!!!. Now I understand why and the need for. Adrenaline fix junkie I now call it....

[@pngersss]

My mother is a narcissist and remember as a child I’d be shamed if I cried. The abuse as a child I endured a still do is horrible!!! you can’t talk to a narcissist you can’t express any anything with a narcissist and they are the victim and you’re the villain really the villain you’re the victim. It’s horrible. I see mine in small doses and I say a lot of prayers before I go around her.

[@doreensmiley268]

I was married to a narcissist. When I left him I was in a mental hospital broke down mentally. Phil is telling the truth. Listen to this please

[@bayliedwards6806]

They're so sick... I'm sorry for the horrible abusive bs, and breakdown 😞 I hope you're way more healed💕

[@colleendooley3820]

I thought it was his confidence. I later learned in our marriage, the hard way, he was very narcissistic! So much do, it put me into clinical depression. Thank God I was able to muster up enough courage to leave. He thought the world revolved around him.

[@mysticmoondrop]

yes, they can do this to you. your man most likely had NPD, not just general narcissism.

[@mariaashley87]

My father has always been a narcissist.

[@gabriellemaes4078]

Same thing happened to me. ❤

[@Whatnowart]

They deny, devalue, dismiss, and deflect.

[@Pookie-c5m]

💯

[@ivylin8103]

true

[@albina6297]

So true

[@everydayisarunway765]

100%

[@neveragain733]

Everyday

[@patcohena]

The saddest realization to me is, you can't have an real relationship with a narcissistic person. It's like morning the death of a loved one. 😢

[@pyramidion5911]

The person in your head never existed

[@ChelsyLewandowski]

I am crying at this because it’s so true but I can’t let it go and keep trying for our daughter but I know it’s useless

[@Paul-t3q]

Exactly , i have had to morn a few family members . I feel soo much better for it , life has been soo much more fulfilling because of it . Thank you god for all that i am and all that i will be .

[@ralphrosebrugh3315]

The hardest thing is when your marriage is ending and you discover what they are and that your whole relationship wasn't real. You were just a stepping stone in there life

[@denisebrumfield2577]

That's how I feel.

[@ritaforrest8615]

Yes I'm just realizing my ex had no conscience and did dreadful things I'm still learning about. But I'm the one who feels guilty.

[@dsteffen71611]

Facts

[@sharonwadel7163]

Dr Phil, you sound like you're talking about Donald Trump.

[@yopekok5448]

⁠Trump is not a narcissist. Joe Biden is a malignant narcissist.

[@AnnaSquires]

The hardest part is you can't have an honest conversation with a narcissist. You can't even have a conversation.

[@tional5266]

Agreed, a conversation goes 2 ways but with them you are talked AT or screamed AT!

[@belgunkulen9288]

​@@tional5266pp❤

[@rubberbiscuit99]

​@@tional5266 Right! Or they are listening to find out your triggers, so they know how to manipulate you better.

[@Me-ki7mc]

Dr. Phil is so full of it and one of the biggest victim blamers that I've ever seen. Oprah strongly supported you. Enough said. Gatekeepers. Disgusting that people actually believe your crappy opinions. I doubt there is one person in this whole world that you've helped. Hope your cancelled soon. If I wanted advice from someone that has no professional training or credentials but has stong, low opinions on women and how everyone needs to conduct themselves, I'd talk to my uncle. Please cancel yourself. @phil

[@marybeth3660]

Now I see why the guy I've been dating for 3 years said he wanted to know what made me "tick" 😮😢

[@quantumhealerca]

Excellent information. I would say, if you find out you’re dating or engaged to a narcissist…RUN…RUN FAST!

[@Lindaj4765]

So true! I wish I had run.

[@vernapriest2930]

Wish I could easily say then done

[@vernapriest2930]

​@@Lindaj476533 plus years I've been in this relationship with this narrsastic person

[@earthrooster1969]

Aah...and there are those like me and others who were born in a Narcissistic family that is hard to run away from...the struggle for sure remains for life even after no contact or when the narcissist parents have passed away...

[@wiidastander3514]

Thnx for the talk. You are on the spot about them. Im married to one and my spirit is crushed down. I have no personality. Broken down to the ground.

[@0annonymous]

The BEST thing to do is DON'T TELL THEM you're GOING to TAKE ACTION, use the element of SURPRISE 😁👍

[@user-tp4um3ff6b]

Definitely. Really dangerous to let them know...

[@vodkavuitton]

The best thing to do is leave me tf alone cus when I take action ain't a tracker in the world to stop me 🤷🏾‍♀️🤡

[@MsknowledgeseekerNecole]

Right, it bothers them bad

[@sondrajett3821]

Don’t tell them your next move, don’t share with the narcissist, any private thing, because they will turn it around, and tell lies, they’re nothing but liars, and cheaters, they will always make it about them, knowing what you say, and they will even say they gave you good counsel when all they did was try to hurt you with their words behind the scenes, they don’t do it in front of anyone, or my mother doesn’t, but I hear her talking and playing the Victim with everyone, she’s always the victim, she can never say I’m sorry, not with this sarcastic at you or anyone else. She’s never really sorry, she plays like she’s godly, and she’s very ungodly, and these people will be judged before God, and all you can do is pray for them because I’ve learned that you can’t really talk anything to them that will help them, because they’re always right, and you’re always wrong, and they’re always the victim in their own eyes!!!

[@An-Astral-Plane]

That is so true!!

[@jazminolivari5554]

The saddest part is that nobody knows these people are this way, since they hide it so well, except for the person being abused by them, I personally has been victim of an Extreme Narcistic person that acted charismatic & charming in the public eye,but the reality was she was literally a wolf in sheep clothing in private.

[@dixieblonde2208]

I know what you are saying , because I live with this kind of person , didn't know at first but now I know what this person is all about .

[@jessie9708]

Im going through that rn and feel so so trapped,nervous,scared afraid to go to sleep :(

[@jazminolivari5554]

@@dixieblonde2208 I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it must me very difficult. The best thing I did was reach out to friends and loved ones for support. Take care🙏

[@jazminolivari5554]

@@jessie9708 So sorry, It must be very difficult to deal with narcissistic relationship. If possible reach out to your friends and loved ones they will always give you positive support and advice. With a narcissist that isn't possible so if you can avoid anything that it's uncomfortable to you which I'm positive is the Narc. I know because I was in a family relationship and I had to leave 💔 💯 for my well being, I hope you can do the same for You're self. Take care 🙏

[@danijoy7665]

@@jessie9708 I have a family member who has this disorder, and I can relate to the fear that the abused can feel in their presence. I am praying that the Lord Jesus protects you and helps you to find freedom and peace.

[@cherrydowns7745]

It took me 25 years to realize I was married to a verbally abusive Narcissist. The most relief I ever felt was when I made the decision to leave and get a divorce. I made the mistake of going fishing with him thinking we would be in a crowd. Instead, he took me to an isolated lake and not another person anywhere and as we fished, he tried to talk me out of leaving. When I saw him clench his fists and say " you just can't leave me." I instantly realized how very vulnerable I was, he was trying to goad me into a fight. I froze and never said another word because I felt very strongly my life was in danger. My instincts were right but I was lucky, he gave up, went back to shore and got into the truck while I had to get the boat out of the water and fasten it down. I never went anywhere with him again. I was afraid for my life. We worked different shifts so it was easy to take things out of the house I needed when he was not home. When I got everything I needed, I moved and never went back.

[@hannahkinnear7701]

Relieved you got out and glad your instincts protected you when you needed it. Best wishes for a great future

[@petmomful2260]

OMG, I am so glad you got out. I hope you are in a much better place now.

[@es3487]

There is a different name for a fourth type as well. The righteous narcissist.

[@sheilaginsberg-mu3to]

Smart woman

[@terrydonahue1679]

Sorry, you went through that. Glad you are safe. Did he ever try to isolate you from family and friends? Did he cause fights with your family?

[@tbird2952]

"Everyone you lose is not a loss" is brilliant and so so true. This one sentence just helped me out tremendously.

[@lisalee1878]

Same!!

[@Kimsvibe4713]

Same 🙏🏼

[@jessmason2112]

I love ❤️ the movie analogies.

[@susanpineda8040]

Exactly! Snip, snip, snippety, snip!

[@marykennedysherin3330]

Dr Phill is brilliant! One of my favorite expressions of his is “ that dog won’t hunt”, and “ that’s a deal breaker “

[@janetdiaz8916]

Judging by the people I have known in the past: The core of narcissism is anger, unforgiveness, jealousy, revenge, selfishness and self preservation--all dealt with through a three year old mind. Some people go through the same thing as a narcissist has, but their heart is different--they have a good heart. And they could easily end up an empath.

[@alanaadams7440]

My father was a narc his way or the highway never apologized or admit he was wrong. Raged all the time seething with rage just under the skin. Life was like walking on eggshells. Verbally and physically abusive to me I was belittled and torn to pieces everyday in front of my family. I couldn't do anything right he tore down my confidence. I was afraid of him and most men with authority well into my 30s. Going to nurses training and got my lisence gave me the confidence to become successful in life

[@janetl4514]

Just now coming to terms that my mother exhibits narcissistic traits. I'm 62 and recently started having panic attacks after a run-in with my mother, who fails to see her role in any problem, instead turning it back on others and how we have blatantly shown disrepect to her over the years.

[@corinneblackburn4043]

I'm so sorry that you're having panic attacks. I had them for 30 years due to a narcissistic husband. He died in 2019 and my life was free from abuse, until my daughter married a narcissist in 2020. Here we go again!

[@sewlovemydogs]

Oh no! I feel for you having to witness your daughter suffering at her husband’s hands as you did her fathers.

[@nerridahkhoory3164]

Panic attacks / miserable/ living on eggshells/ turned the kids against me as no good parent etc . Wish I’d known I wasn’t the only one going mad:(

[@mickieswendsen1302]

My experience, too.

[@estherkluvia4299]

Not everybody you lose is a loss. This phrase made my day. Don't forget, God is still in the deliverance business. Thanks you, Dr. Phil.

[@lashawnfoster8846]

'IN 'JESUS 'NAME 'AMEN 'AMEN 'AMEN 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽💯💯💯

[@joyrichardson9711]

He sure is and here's the truth on why narcissists are the way that they are. ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️ Pastor LA EWING check him out.

[@KathrynLeRoy-v3d]

I love that!! “Not everyone you lose is a loss!!” How poignant, powerful!!!

[@juliamccormick855]

How can I help my son who may be married to a narrsasist?

[@beachchick7688]

Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord

[@SusanReaves-k5g]

Jesus is my go to place for my peace. He is all I have.! Thank you for your teaching on this!❤️

[@alicefitzgerald1398]

AMEN!

[@terriprice7657]

Amen over & over. It gets me into more trouble and peace at the same time.

[@lindaidler4921]

Hey me too, he’s our guide in this crazy world….the light.

[@JoshuaStupperich-hy8jt]

Amen

[@Lindableching]

Amen!

[@sondrajett3821]

I am very naïve, And I always try to think the best of others, and that’s made me a victim to a narcissist, because I’m a loving, caring woman, and I always want to see the best in people, and I’ve learned you can’t do that, sometimes you just have to protect yourself from these people and go forward, and I’ve learned just to go forward with my life, and ignore the words of a narcissist!!!

[@Oceansgreen]

Good for you 👍

[@SharingItForward]

The Internet is the best training ground to learn to spot a narcissist. In real life you will feel lonely next to them because they're empty at the core.

[@lanaemarley5306]

Read this comment while looking at his face. Thinking this exact thing

[@fullgallupfarms]

Yep! But most people around them have no idea the torture being with one!​@@lanaemarley5306

[@vernapriest2930]

Wish it had been there when I first started this relationship 33 plus years ago

[@priscillaminton7248]

Absolutely 💯

[@Oceansgreen]

100% spot on… I experienced it for 36 years.

[@JamesOLeary-b3t]

They don't talk to you...they talk at you..

[@moniqueschmucker7712]

Exactly! They don’t have the courage to talk to you -only about you to anybody who’ll listen to their nonsensical BS!

[@sheriantolo1065]

304 years of it! I feel your pain. I became like that for a bit. Had to get it out of my system. I laughed it off and blocked the feelings and comments. It gets buried.

[@sheriantolo1065]

34 years😅 feels like 304!😂

[@bonniecook9012]

And 'about' you!

[@Mama-Ames]

Correct. They don't talk TO you. And they CERTAINLY DON'T talk WITH you. They talk AT you. So hand them a mirror, look them in the eye & say, "Go ahead & talk." Then eagerly walk away. FAR away. Actually... RUN AWAY.

[@mariepasillas909]

Thank you Dr Phil. I married my husband not knowing he was a narcissist. You have explained it all to a T. I'm in my 70s. Too old to start over, but now I get what's going on. God bless you for what you do. I just keep telling myself that God loves me.

[@davidm3493]

How do you know you are too old to start over?

[@LION-on4gd]

🙏💖🍀🕊

[@DHumphrey-Davis-cs9ix]

I know the feeling I married somebody six years ago he was a narcissist and didn’t know about it I just turned 48 and it is been a true trip it is disgusting! But when you treat them the way they treat you they get upset that’s the sad part!

[@chantellucky4565]

Never too old or too late to start over as long as you have breath!! Life is short to continue to submit to poor treatment in a loveless environment/relationship!! There is still time to experience freedom, peace , joy and self love!! It is wonderful to be able to rid of anything that is toxic in your life!! I am 75 and I just move away from one such relationship 2 years ago! Moved to my own place, cultivated new friendships and learned new things, my life is my own, so refreshing, so exciting not having to walk on eggshells anymore!!😀😀😀!

[@lizmetzger4128]

Im also in 70s and everything has to be his way to perfection

[@mariaaiello8184]

I learned more in 53 minutes than I did in my entire lifetime! Not only did I recognized narcissistic behaviours in other people, but more importantly I saw it in myself! Lord have mercy! God’s many blessings to you Dr. Phil for devoting your life to making the world a brighter place to live! Let’s not forget your lovely wife. After all behind every great man there is a woman! Love and Respect to both of you!✝️🕊️❤️🙏

[@Gogo-pp9ek]

I see some traits in me too .

[@kraut756]

Wow, that was my life for 20 years. My family could not understand how I could want to divorce that kind and gentle man. When they visited he spared no effort in making them feel welcome. They spent more time with him than with me. The damaged and broken furniture was proof that I was a poor mother and housewife. Fortunately my Mother in law was supportive and understanding, even when I filed for divorce. She saved my life.

[@dastreet615]

19 years and 364 days you are at fault

[@GLeon-ov9yu]

Dated a “love bombing” narcissist and it destroyed me for many years. Healing from this sociopathic experience has been a journey even with intensive therapy. If you suspect it’s a narcissist PLEASE run and never ever look back.

[@Vixinaful]

So the ones that lovebomb are worse? I met a schizophenic guy with covert narcissism. He never lovebombed but caused me heartfailiure bc of the abuse that started right away, little by little and in the end it was so bad one couldnt be in the same room as him, he over the years also developed psychosis and had full blown schizophrenia. He was on drugs aswell but didnt tell me until 2 years in bc he knew I wouldnt approve. THE spookiest guy I have ever known! Was like being around a demon.

[@gamerboy_-gz6pp]

Amen a 1000 times. So sorry for you.

[@Vixinaful]

@@MarinaLaroche Yes Ive watched Marzynski for a while now. ☺

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

@@Vixinaful , I married a Covert narcissist and was deeply wounded by him for two decades-he never consummated the marriage because I was never slim enough. (I was 5’ 8” and weighed 123-Miss America was 5’8” and weighed 126.). There was always something wrong with me. Always. He ENJOYED hurting me.

[@sallykirchiro1590]

@@jolesliewhitten6545 m😊

[@gabrielelagemann2069]

Thank you for this video. I married a covert narcissist and had to leave him in order to stay sane. He is a pastor. Sadly, one of the leadership groups in danger of this disorder. So sad. I had to learn the hard way that you cannot help these people unless they want to get help themselves, which is very rare. They say they do and then you wait year after year, but the only person that is seeing a counselor is you. They twist and turn the truth until you really start to question your own mental health. I had to face the truth that I had to leave him to himself for my own sake.

[@Mama-Ames]

It sounds like you're describing my son's EX-girlfriend. (Thank heaven.) By the end of their five-year relationship, she had him questioning himself, his own mind & his own dear heart. Out of concern for HER mental health, HER safety & HER well-being... he stayed with her, YEARS longer than he should have, even tho their relationship was having a negative impact on HIM, on his own mental health, his own safety & well-being. She had him NEARLY convinced HE was failing HER... that HE was actually "the bad guy" who was responsible for the break-down of their slowly deteriorating relationship. UNTIL... HE caught HER... CHEATING. Oh yeh Jordan. MY SON who, for years when you were growing up, thru years of school was a dear FRIEND... then loved you & was deeply devoted to you... who, for five years, gave you everything you asked of him... who sacrificed so much of himself, his career, time with his family & friends, his future FOR YOU, for YOUR sake... ALL on "The Altar of Jordan." HE was the "bad guy?" HE was the bad guy (?!?!?)... you SELF-serving, SELF-centered, SELFish, bratty, spoiled rotten, narcissistic manipulative egomaniacal little rich witch!!! Goodbye & good riddance to you Jordan! May almighty God have mercy on the next kind caring loving young man who falls prey to your Godless, soulless, heartless cruelty & the over-abundance of mental illness in your sad, sorry, twisted little brain.

[@rebelwarrior1689]

I was married 20 yrs to a covert religious narcissistic ordained "pastor" as well. When he passed in 2021 on cleaning out the shed I found one of his books called "toxic faith" I swear that book was all about him. Then I realized he had to have had that book to study how to be one. It's so spot on its scary!

[@mcneillmama50]

Yes the narcissists control the churches. They fleece the flock and abuse the women&children in Jesus name. It's criminal. Recent stories of ex pastors Robert Morris, John paul Miller, Tony Evans, td Jake's, Eddie long. Somebody new every time you turn on the TV.

[@TiffanyCrain]

Studied how to be a narcicist?​@@rebelwarrior1689

[@tchocky71]

You must have suffered in an even more extreme way! So many parishioners believe that the pastor cannot go wrong in such a manner.

[@frannygal75]

When your marriage of 23 years ends and you realize the man you thought you were married to never existed. He had me so beat down and estranged from everyone I loved. He made me believe I was selfish, worthless, and irrational. He had me jumping through hoops and nothing I did was never enough. Hearing Dr Phil is like hearing my ex say those exact words.

[@cyndijones5123]

I completely understand. My situation was the same. I was told how great I was, then how wrong. Everything added up. He told me from the beginning that he had no empathy, so I felt bad for him. I actually didn't believe it because I couldn't comprehend a person who was like that. There were so many situations I made excuses for, and then, at the end, the betrayal and lies throughout the years surfaced. He was manipulative and condescending. It was a rollercoaster ride. I am out now. My biggest regret was my daughter being treated the same. My family has been very supportive. We are free

[@LillianMNowak]

God Bless. My daughters finally see how their father was, to me and to them...they are 40 and 42

[@oldwiseoul]

@@LillianMNowak I just found out my mom is this way, she is a widow and takes advantage of her situation. I lost a lot of money, time, resources and emotions to make “her feel better”. I had to get away from her, to the point I moved to another country with my family. Still I brought her to live with us for a bit, but still managed to gaslight and making me feel inferior. I sent her back to her country of origin disguised as a medical vacation, I have closed the door, I’m done.

[@ChelsyLewandowski]

I’m there now and scared to leave but this video it’s him

[@sabinehendriks8069]

I've lived with a narcissist for 15 years. It was horrable. I forgot what my own personality was. It was totally gone. Also got therapy. Now i'm 7 years on my own. Still scared to start a new relationship. But i 'm happy now, its oke how it is. I'm my own best friend. I've learned that.

[@daisyspanhakbon1364]

❤Amen❤

[@Gloria_All_Day]

Identical story. Thank God you and I are free.

[@martaszabo3561]

Keep going

[@EmilceMaldonadoPaul]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@yongchandler6835]

That’s pretty funny you said it like it!😂🥹

[@leilanord1937]

NOT everybody you LOSE is a LOSS! Love it. Powerful.

[@elnapoulard4225]

Beautiful

[@IsabellClayton]

So true

[@eileenfuentes6975]

Also, if you go to counseling with a Narcissist, you have to make sure the therapist specializes in NPD. What can happen, is since narcissists are master manipulators, they can charm the therapist and shift the blame onto you. If you dare get angry, they will point at you and say "see, they're the crazy one! Not me!"

[@cindyvela5631]

Yep, had that happen to me when I was in a custody battle. The therapist crossed the line for them many x bc they manipulated her.

[@donaldrhoads484]

121

[@jaynestewart720]

100%

[@kayflynn2523]

My ex every time I’d point something out in the relationship. He’d yell, “ I’ve BEEN to marriage/relationship counseling! What do you know! They tell me I’m right!”

[@ghostafterlivesmatter8732]

I know it's like...what's the point anyway if your going to counciling and they don't take it seriously. I hate being madly in love with a narcissist. Thankfully he's in jail for a few months. Can't screw any broads in there.

[@sheilaLeMaster-y5x]

Just divorced mine, 10 years of gaslighting, deflecting, lies and affairs. I’m still in the process of healing from the trauma bond. He tries to insert himself back into my life, but I’m holding strong and that will never happen again. I’m an Empath, an easy target for a Narcisist. Prayers for all who suffer from these sick people. You cannot change them, you cannot help them other than prayers. They have to want to change, and in my experience, that will never happen. Prayers and love to all. ❤

[@amyashlyn2999]

Good for you! KEEP STRONG! 🙏🏻 for you!

[@micheledeluz-guitrau7979]

OMG! I’m almost 72, I’ve needed this information since I was a young teenager! My life would have been so different from what it is today. I pray I still have enough life time left to recover from some of the painful, devastating wounds from being married to a malignant narcissist. Thank you, Dr. Phil😊

[@elizabethwallace-donnelly.2356]

❤❤❤❤

[@hollyblancas852]

I often, actually all the time! l pray I can squeeze in the 8 years of actually being alive in the sense that a part of me died when I started into the relationship .the ME THAT LIVED, THE ME THAT SMILED ALL THE TIME, THE MEE THAT WENT OUT IN THE WORLD SO TO SPEAK TO SEE THE BEAUTY, THE LAUGHTER AND LOVE AND THAT MAKES THE WORLD EXIST . I WILL LIVE THOSE 8 YEARS AGAIN, I WILL FIND THE BIGGEST PART OF WHAT MAKES ME,....ME!!

[@eileennapier1109]

God help you Michel

[@lavendergrams]

I'm your age. Just found this podcast.

[@jaeashleystewart9326]

I'm in the same situation as you. He started criticizing me BEFORE we married, and I married him anyway. How dumb was that!!! I was so innocent and unworldly and couldn't figure out how someone who said he loved me could tear me down and hurt me that way. It wasn't until DECADES later that I learned there were such evil, screwed up creatures in the world known as "narcissists." If only I had known, I might have had a chance for a happy life . . . too late now; it's almost over !!!

[@samanthawilliams5520]

Needed this about 10 years ago. I’m joyful the world is recognizing this form of abuse.

[@catherinedonnelly1025]

Yes me too !!!

[@jazminolivari5554]

Me too, and about time!

[@sarahmarshall668]

I had such a damaged mind due to narcissistic behaviour. I feel they can sense broken or damaged people to continue to exploit. It's taken me over 40 years to realise that it not me. It was them. Thankyou Dr Phil. I needed to hear it wasn't my fault. And that their more damaged than me ❤

[@lily3054]

This is the BEST description of narcissism I've watched without taking forever to explain. Straight to the point. Thanks Dr Phil.

[@carolynpace]

0

[@austx290]

Thanks to Dr Phil, I am free of several narcissists in my life. I am feeling so much better now. I didnt even confront any of them. There is no point!

[@georgiafrancis9059]

I complimented her one day by telling her I thought she was the smartest woman I'd ever known, she nodded and said, "I know." Not only do they not change, they only get worse. It's a no win situation.

[@yvonneanderson4]

This explains perfectly the psychopath that I was with for 6 months. In those short 6 months he crushed me like a flea that he made me feel like. Thank goodness for my sense of self-worth from prayer and God’s love. As soon as Dr Phil started teaching about Narcissists, even though this narcissist was in my life 20 years ago, I had a great sense of relief. Thank you thank you, Dr Phil !!

[@virginiafrost2608]

I was involved with a male with this disorder. What a time of torture. In the quest to try to figure out why in the world would anyone act this way I am now a psychologist. GET away from this kind of person as soon as you can.

[@mariaashley87]

Dated one once, everything he did he blamed me.

[@barbararaegurley4910]

Covert / Malignant was my husband... 😮 and he was "Black Hole".. a bottomless pit of needs and demands.... and no matter what you did to please or serve them, the bar was always rising... while you walked on eggshells expecting violence for your imperfections of his expectations

[@Ebbie-pw5xx]

😳omg

[@Ebbie-pw5xx]

Wow 😮

[@shawndunn934]

Very well said!

[@jetpilot3714]

Yep, that’s it!

[@sarahkeller7630]

Take the power away from a malignant narcissist they will try to destroy your life Period.

[@thelightside77]

That's kinda what i'm thinking right? Isn't it better to feed an overblown ego covertly? I mean definitely don't challenge it sure but just boundaries don't work sometimes. If you have to deal with anyone on a regular basis even if it's just a difficult person you don't antagonize.

[@Northcoastgirl03]

Yes they will. My malignant narcissist went full psychopath when I left him. He sliced the brake lines on my cat and murdered my cat. He did many, many horrible things, violated the restraining orders, threatened my clients when he stole my phone, threatened me in front of the police, threatened my attorney in the hallway of the court house etc. His nickname for me in the last year we were "together", was Jane Doe. I had lost all sense of identity to him. Sometimes he would intimidate me by telling me that if I didn't do what he said or if I tried to leave him, I would be a dead body floating in the river, so mutilated that they would have to hang a Jane Doe toe tag on me. Spent 5 years in therapy for PTSD.

[@dianab5286]

@@Northcoastgirl03 This is just flat out evil and I want to say he is mentally ill BUT that is not fair to diagnosed mentally/physically people. Again I think it's true. Do not become involved with people who don't love and respect animals! There's your sign!

[@sandraparker1024]

Flying MONKEYS - cooties on the playground// kindergarters

[@bobnunyabiznz4917]

@@Northcoastgirl03So glad you made it out alive. And he sounds like he was also a sociopath. How did you find out about your cat? 😢

[@republicanrule]

One way to deal with the narcissist child is to call their bluff when they threaten to put you out of their life. Best response is to say something like, "I love you and care about you, but if you need to have me out of your life, I respect your decision and understand." In reality they need to feel they are in control. Deep inside they are broken.

[@debwebrox]

I was "raised" by a narcissistic father. He was explosive, cruel, and demeaning or just absent. He treated my mother horribly. She was fragile, and he played on that for fun. He started beating and abusing my schizophrenic brother at the age of two. He was such a charmer in public, but evil in private. Thank God for therapy.

[@Wawa-od5xw]

🎉🎉😮

[@alfredoaraujo7756]

I am sorry for that tragic emotionally situation.

[@nerridahkhoory3164]

Omg . This is a mirror !!!

[@JudySterling]

What you said at the end: "If I can just get you to see them coming or recognize when a narcissist is in the room, then you can protect yourself..." THIS is what it all comes down to. We can't fix them. We can learn to spot and avoid them. Thank you.

[@daisyspanhakbon1364]

I can spot most mental health issues pretty quickly in the people I meet after talking to them for awhile, but a Narcissistic personality disorder is almost impossible to detect unless you live with them for awhile. That's why they are the worst kind of crazy, if I may use that term seeing as I have been abused by one for 45 years! But, you are right. Had I known the traits, I wouldn't have suffered this for so long...but they are too good at what they do. I really believed I was the crazy one!😢😢😢

[@paulettebrown5148]

So true im 55 jamaican living in trinidad met a narccissits live with him thank God for decering eyes to see we who they abuse was not wrong at all they really know how to misslead

[@adrianadiaz6070]

​@@daisyspanhakbon1364😅

[@badcheetah5927]

@@daisyspanhakbon1364 How can u spot it ? I want to know if I am myself a narcissist or my husband is the one... I am so confused 🤷‍♀️ Can u tell me how to look for it ?

[@alfredoaraujo7756]

Let see wether we can spot a narcissist and avoid them. Despite narcissist is a personality disorder that reveals true weakness. However, remember they are further trained during their lives to do it well !!

[@deborahlambe1422]

I have a sibling who when confronted about her behavior, her response is always; The things I say and do are all because of you! Never takes responsibility for anything!

[@Winter-q9c9p]

Thank you!!! I moved into a home as a roommate who turned out to be a malignant narcissist! What she didn’t know is that I grew up with a family of Sociopaths and Narcissists. She has raged on me four times and I’ve only been here four months! I am not playing the game. My bags are packed and I’m on my way out! The covert, petty, mean, exploitative behavior, the dominance and control 😮are so out of touch with reality that I act like she’s right about everything as I walk out the door! She cannot believe I have the nerve to leave without telling her why. I don’t owe anyone like that an explanation. Thank you for doing this because every single thing you said she did to me and you are telling the truth! And I ain’t even mad, just out!❤

[@troytruong8246]

You have to call people's stupidity out! They wont change and know their issues.

[@darriannthompson6990]

Same and as I was packing my things, she tried to fight me and push my mother down the stairs!!!!! Smh.

[@moniqueschmucker7712]

Absolutely! Leveling is the best advice! I worked long and hard for my sense of self worth and they hate it! Years of therapy is how I learned how to deal with them. I kept a distance and set healthy boundaries that they laughed at as if I were stupid. I thank God every day for the amazing psychologists poured their hearts and souls into my therapy sessions with them. Anyone reading, be WISE! Set boundaries and never ever give a narcissist power over your sense of self worth! You have the innate ability and right to set boundaries.

[@elizabethedwards3749]

I am so glad that I found this . I had married a narcissist for 33 years and yes I questioned myself constantly thinking was it me I finally divorced and I met another man and I told him I never wanted to marry again and he kept on and I kept making excuses and the next thing I knew I was engaged but I kept listening to him brag on himself I seen all the red flags with him that I went through for 33 years and everything was my fault and he put me down to all his friends but thank God I am no longer engaged

[@someguy9519]

Yes! I used to scratch my head about why all his friends were so rude to me til my sister went out with one who told her how crazy I am according to my partner.

[@BB-ku5bd]

Oh, this is my story. The only difference is that I'm still married for 30 years.

[@SafiaGray]

Love bombing is real, I imagine every time he suspected you were leaving him, he got you back

[@judymoon5052]

😢 I turned 60 in August and got him out before my birthday wasted 13 years what's the biggest loser you would ever want to see I got addicted to drugs again thank God I got him that put out of the house that was the verbal and then it turned into hitting me and I got a protective order and sheriff escort him off the property and I got the house he didn't know anything about me getting the protective order all is well now I just need extra therapy and I go to mental health like every 3 months I'm trying to get out and meet new people thank God for the nutritional senior program that's within walking and I get to socialize there and it makes me feel better about myself I don't get judged or put down it sure takes time get over the abuse all we have is one day sometimes one minute at a time they robbed your joy and self worth but I'm slowly building myself I go to the gym slowly but surely getting back in the swing I live in the best life I can live before God calls me home thank you Dr Phil 🙏 ❣️ XXXHUGS FROM GEORGIA 🍑

[@jenn_is_here]

So true: Not everybody you lose is a loss.

[@fernfarmer]

It is so hard to walk away without support. Find someone who is on your side to talk to. Never trust a narcissist. They could be very dangerous.

[@PromiseFulfillled]

Non-malignant narcissists as acquaintances or colleagues can be tolerated in small doses as long as YOU hold up your boundaries (with consequences when necessary). However; keeping a narcissist in your inner circle is exhausting & soul destroying.

[@elisahamilton73]

Say that again, divorced one, it was 23 years of craziness, such a waste of time.

[@ritaroberts997]

Yes! That what I just learned. I had only had small doses of a person for many years. In the past 3 years I have spent more lengthy the with this person. That's when I learned how toxic nasty and self centered this person is. Last time I was around her my words were I stayed too long.

[@fairmontoaksapartments7969]

Extremely exhausting EXTREMELY! 😢

[@donnapatacchiola6942]

They don’t think like we do

[@carolgill6713]

Exactly, when I first became involvement I was 15 yrs younger than I am now and one of the things I noticed was the mental emotional exhaustion continually that I never felt with anyone else. It was constant problems and drama.

[@michellereitan1347]

I have dealt with it for almost 7 years. It's so draining. It hurts me that I was so stupid and I'm in this situation. Nothing is ever his fault. Almost daily it's my fault, our fur babies fault or my son's fault. If he starts his crying, I am the one that caused it and I'm suppose to cuddle. I'm finally saving to leave.

[@gamerboy_-gz6pp]

My divorce was final 7 years ago and we are in a custody battle now. It takes time to heal but the sooner you are able to leave, the sooner you can embrace a better life. Good luck!!!

[@lynnwilliams2554]

Hang on in there sweetheart. The escape is coming, and I wish you all the luck and love I can send from the UK 🇬🇧

[@trudylowe4002]

I understand 100% i was married to one 10yrs. Until now I didnt realize it was his fault and NOT mine. 😢

[@kathleengray1124]

I hope you have left him and are safe now.

[@daisyspanhakbon1364]

No! Please, NEVER EVER think you were stupid! These people are so good at manipulation that nobody, nobody can see it!! I believe they believe what they say themselves, that's why we don't, and as I said, no one else, can see them for what they really are until it's too late! YOU-ARE-NOT-STUPID!!!!!! You Are SMART AND BRAVE!!!! ❤❤❤ You are getting ready to LEAVE!!!💪💪💪👏👏👏👏👏👏✊️✊️✊️❤❤❤

[@KarenCarothers-pg4mr]

Don’t ever take responsibility for something you know you didn’t do because they will hold it over your head and use it to invalidate you for the rest of your life

[@alicefitzgerald1398]

This is so absolutely true of my adult daughter.

[@cbak1819]

Exactly

[@dianemcdowell4678]

Same thing with me...😢😢😢💔​@@alicefitzgerald1398

[@countryfrau8328]

I met a communal narcissist. She was a mom of a high school student and in the few minutes she talked to me (literally she talked to me) it was like she was reading her resume and updating it with all of her current memberships, commitments and acts of selfless service for the community. She exhausted me. I told her that I was tired just hearing it and I couldn't even imagine doing all of that. I thanked her for her service and edged away. I didn't have to worry about seeing her again because she only showed up that one time to our kids' tennis matches. Guess she was too busy to attend....

[@74lucindalibra]

JP Miller to a T. Justice for Mica! ❤

[@mariacidaliapereiragaidola5405]

Hahahaha

[@adriansanders1702]

PEACE ✌️ ☮️ 🕊 AND PRAISE to all that have the opportunity to hear this message 🙏 GOD BLESS 🙌

[@annetaylor7834]

This is the best description of narcissists and narcissism I've ever heard. It's difficult to get your head around it but this is exactly how they are.

[@carolgill6713]

Tried to have a 15 yr relationship with one. Took me several years of analyzing and reading everything I could get my hands on to try to understand and diagnose this person I loved deeply. Finally figured it out without a professional and when I hear some of the examples dr Phil say it's as if it were me speaking to my friends explaining what it was like first hand. It's chilling. I knew from day 1 something was a bit different but willing to overlook and fell in love which has destroyed me. Even being away from this person I still have some ptsd deep within at times remembering some of the horrible ways I was treated. They like to keep you oppressed even when you use to be happy and social. Never get recognition for anything, soon finding yourself looking for anytime of praise or affection which leads to low self esteem.

[@Lovelife-cc2vq]

It’s hard when the narcissist is your own child… whom you love more then anything…. 😢

[@phyllisgruber5097]

bingo😢

[@joanblum1313]

My daughter is so extreme, she is destroying my relationship with my granddaughters. They are now mimicing her. Any suggestions?

[@anotherinternetidiot6300]

Oh man that sounds hard❤

[@sonjabroussard2482]

Yes

[@adorable3817]

Are they born that way? Or do they become that way?

[@meghoward2610]

Many years ago I watched a Dr. Phil show in which he said people treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you. Wow, the best advice for anyone!

[@traciyenne6937]

I’m 53 and raised around a grandma, abused as a child, manager at work and then married to a narcissist….so glad I now know~my future will be brighter, thank you so much!!! Always felt crazy and questioned myself all the time…I now know and can heal!!

[@paulaeller5456]

I had a mother who was a narcissist. While these people rarely seek help because in their mind they are perfect but they can change and I'm proof. When I was in my 20s I found myself becoming mother. I was selfish, self centered ungrateful with no empathy or compassion for others and I didn't like it so I changed. I'm now grateful, generous and display empathy and compassion for others. It wasn't easy an most narcissist don't care enough to change, but it is possible to change. You just have to look inside yourself and make the effort. The hardest part was developing empathy and compassion but you have to put yourself. The ability to change is in all of us, but it's hard work and takes a desire to be a better person

[@invigil3570]

Well, you are still talking about how grateful, generous, empathic and how compassioned you are for others. Elevating your self.....Isn't that a trade of Narcissist?

[@Ngozika-ye9nq]

you were just selfish but was not a narcissist . Believe me, they don't change.

[@jenniegraungaard7617]

@@invigil3570 I think the key word was now, as far as I know a narcissist would never admit they were wrong, even in the past so to me this lends validity to their statement 🕰

[@catherinedonnelly1025]

They called what happened to you narc fleas … If you’re with them long enough you kind of start acting like them …kind of It’s a way of protecting yourself in my humble opinion

[@ritaspringer7818]

And I thank you very much for seeing that in yourself and Fixing it. God Bless you I mean this with all my heart. Thank you for the change. Mine of 20yrs almost killed me:( 6mths ago) I RAN!!

[@terilloyd162]

I love experiencing you this way, Dr. Phil! I tuned in today because I’ve just now walked away from my narcissist ex-husband (27 years and two kids) and it’s really hurting a lot right now. I wanted to offer my amateur theory on why he in particular became narcissist in case it may help. His parenting was a combination of excessive, self-esteem-battering criticism and entitlement/never allowing him to accept responsibility for his behavior. I think lack of self esteem is at the root of narcissism and it’s a developed mechanism of survival. Anyhow, I’m not a quitter and I’ve always been proud of that, but this time I. AM. DONE.

[@Indy__isnt_it]

Same, I was one of the longest holdouts. I was determined not to be a 2nd time loser, first one spent 'too much time away' while in the service. He was weak. The next, in LE, a uniform, he felt safe to being near. Safe was ONLY in the love bomb phase. My trust and level of respect for him is basically a ZERO. Married 3'mos shy of 35 years, and 2 years dated. He was supposed to be my friend for life, nothing more as far as my needs, he was free to grow and pursue anything. He never left his remote and cable box. They were most important. It's been a full year on 8.28.21, I filed for divorce, that set him off. I am tired of being the "regulator" keeping peace when he destroys it. I despise his very airspace if he"s too close. I bought an RV, turned perm. Doubled the space with a full sun room. Needed renovations, and I had plans to convert from propane to all electric. The the imperfections started showing up. There's a "dip" under the carpet in the bed room. It was sold, strategically with a chair over the spot. Now I need to fix what they intentionally hid. The ex promised the tools and the help to fix it up. I own it, so no mortgage, just $300 land rental. But working side by side for months. He's dragging it out. We had a verbal agreement to live in this Campground for a year transition until the dog, my service dog was ready to split. (Never) he's caused me so much rage, the dog has been affected, he's a vicious childish man, I call him a hollow chocolate bunny, not a thing inside of him to enjoy.......

[@SledDog5678]

Miss Teri Lloyd. You posted this a year ago. I hope you are doing better. If you can limit contact with the ex, the faster those bad experiences will be your PREVIOUS life. If you have younger children; get a mediator. If your children are grown, sever all contact. He can't heal; can never be "a friend". A good cleanser is keeping a journal. Everytime a memory haunts you or frustrates you- write it down. That act (you must believe this part). That act of writing removes it from your memory and chains it in that journal. P.S. Don't be surprised if in 10-20+ years memories bubble again. PTSD is common here. Therapy might be a consideration.

[@terilloyd162]

@@SledDog5678 thank you for your thoughtful and constructive comment. Our kids are grown and I severed all contact a year and a half ago. I still write intermittently and yes, ptsd-type things, dreams, general disgust and anger still pop up. What can I say, it’s a process - I am somewhat better. Again, thank you for the helpful thoughts☺️

[@lisaleclere6413]

What have you done in relation to your kids and there relationship with him? I'm trying to make the best decisions I can.

[@MicheleOrlanis]

​@@SledDog5678 BRAVO 👌👏!

[@annstockeryanez387]

My sister sucks the joy out of me and to be around her i have been trying to keep the piece for years. She is exhausting. Today was it for me.

[@jenchristianrn1]

They do suck the life out of you. That’s what demons do.

[@ethanperry569]

Man you just gave me so much power of the pain that’s plagued my family for years! Thank you so much, and God bless you!

[@moniquelewis7839]

Sometimes I notice that narcissists are the quickest one to call other people narcissists. I was so confused I studied narcissism because they convinced me it was me.

[@athensmajnoo3661]

Keep them at an arm's distance, never ever let them near you, never ever disclose any secrets, or your feelings, or anything of importance to them They will twist and turn what you told them and spread it all around.....

[@alicefitzgerald1398]

I’ve learned never to let them know how badly they have hurt you. They will find a way to do it more.

[@MimiLombardi1]

This podcast validates me! I wish I had heard this 50 years ago! Thank God I am out of this miserable situation.

[@jeanleatham2080]

Your explanation of a narcissist is spot on, my ex was one, he made my life and my children's life so miserable. He is so jealous of our son , that he can't stop causing trouble for him. He accused him constantly of the worst thingd ever. He found a girl friend and gave me an excuse for divorce. Thanks be to God!!!!!!

[@ms.sharon.7581]

So many walking around all their lives undiagnosed. They are in our families, at work, and close friends. I have learned narcissists thinks they’re smarter than everyone else and never acknowledge their mistakes or ever apologies. When they don’t get their way they see you as a threat and can become verbally abusive, putting you down and blaming everyone but themselves . They have no empathy or consideration for others. My brother is a narcissist.

[@colleendooley3820]

You just described my husband 😞

[@maryannsittig570]

My ex employer is a narcissit- have been employed in my different fields over my lifetime and have never worked under an employer that that. He had me believing I was not doing my job, not doing it correctly, and made an effort to say it in front of all the other employees in our work area. Any changes suggested, to save time, money etc were laughed at and undoable, until suddenly adapted because of his new insight. It was constant put down until I knew my self worth was so much more than what he was paying me.

[@xal682]

I don’t think there’s anything worse than having a narcissistic parent

[@alwaysrighton]

Not knowing they are, and not being aware of the damage that result from being exposed and raised by them?

[@rhondamarlow8377]

My mother is a narcissist. It was so difficult ,she had no ability to be empathetic with me or my sister.

[@ingevonschneider5100]

i had one. i takes time to understand that it is not your fault

[@marykennedysherin3330]

Agreed

[@sammyrnaj]

Tell ME! After 68 yrs, she DESTROYED my life. No one else but my OWN Mother.

[@kateballam6942]

Just walk away. I did. Best decision I ever made. I live a strife free and peaceful life now.

[@shelleydonovan4737]

I’ve been with a narcissistic person for 11 years. I’ve been verbally abused all over the world. After watching these videos has helped me a lot with my responses to a narcissist outburst. I haven’t tried it yet but I will. Wish me luck.🤞🏻

[@linatensmo7859]

Dear Dr. Phil, listening to you has made me realize something, I have had no one to turn to while I was in a relationship with a narcissist. So getting out of this relationship has been extremely difficult for me. However, I think that some things make you stronger when you go through them all alone. I mean all alone.

[@andriacampbellinteractions7674]

P

[@elizabethy2912]

I'm so sorry. I hear you, though, about getting stronger. I hope you can build a support system so you can live your best life.😊

[@invigil3570]

I can absolutely 100 percent relate to your statement.

[@pameagles533]

I absolutely hear you, I asked my husband one day, “ you think your perfect” ….he looked me in the eye and said “yes I am”………..

[@janettewebster2151]

​@@pameagles533 WOW! The problem is that they don't start the full-on narcissism until you are well "hooked"!

[@momfromnj911]

My ex was a huge narcissist and alcoholic… double whammy When we would go out he was a tattoo artist. But not only was he a tattoo artist but also a culinary chef, cosmetologist AND an art teacher. I literally would roll my eyes the minute the lies came out of his mouth. Three years of sheer horror with that man. One month free… thank God

[@JohnWayne-86ed]

Are you still free?... I know how the hoovering works when you're still addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship, I went back a few times before I finally divorced from her for good, it's been months since I talked to her, I won't answer her calls anymore. Hope you didn't go back to that jackshit of all trades/professions😂

[@izzydeadyet7336]

I just left mine last weekend after 4 years! I tried leaving many times but since he was living in my apartment he had no where to go and would just try and act like no fight ever happened everytime I told him to leave .. so finally, I'm buried in debt from supporting my apartment and kids on my own, and this guy sat on my couch paying off his debts , paying his own expensive bills and tastes , now I kicked him out, hes got a new job, a new car, 3 grand in the bank and hes telling everyone hes buying a house. It's all my fault then household bills didnt get managed and hes telling everyone it's all my fault after he used me for 4 years! He wont stop texting, I havent texted back, but hes going between insulting me, threatening me and saying he loves me for the last 3 days .. on his way out he took everything me and the kids and cats needed, the cat litter I just got, the shower curtain and rod, the toaster and microwave.. so I'm left with nothing, just my kids and cats, and hes leaving with everything laughing at me saying I have nothing and it's all my fault! Hes right, I shouldve gotten rid of him years ago

[@momfromnj911]

@izzydeadyet it's hard ..they suck you back in. Since my last post we got back together foolishly four months ago. I let him rope me back in. I moved up to PA To be with him after some time he had to spend in jail and things didn't stay good for long . He kicked me out over a week ago because he realized he couldn't control me. So I drove back to Florida. Have blocked him from EVERYTHING Don't let him suck you back in. You must lose all contact unless there are children involved. I'm a little less than 2 weeks free from the abusive cycle that I kept getting sucked back into. No contact is the only way..I wish you well 😊

[@momfromnj911]

@John Wayne I stupidly did like a fool, go back. Because while incarcerated he got Clean from alcohol. And unfortunately I thought maybe it was the drinking which was our problem. Yes it was a big part , but the narcissism was just as big of an issue. No cure for that. I supported that man for almost 3 months when he was incarcerated. Moved 700 miles away to be with him. Left my job, my home, adult kids and all my security. Just to get kicked out Maybe I had to go through this very last thing to make me strong and to never repeat it. The lack of disrespect this time was the icing on the cake. He just recently called from another phone and said I chose to leave . After that, I knew he was absolutely insane. I'm in a good space where I'm at, finally. I hope you are doing well too 😊

[@izzydeadyet7336]

@@momfromnj911 I havent been responding to texts or calls all week but hes still at it .. its actually good he insulted me and stole from my kids, not his, because I am so disgusted I ever wasted time on him not even a small part wants him back .. after cleaning me out a week ago, and leaving my stuff upside down, hes says I still have his stuff! I feel like hes trying to set me up for something, but my landlady is aware of everything and couldn't stand him anyways

[@reneereece1093]

Thank you so much for doing this “podcast.” This has happened to me. I have recently been set free. I’m 62 now. It’s been over 40 years of emotional abuse and I struggle to know whether or not I will make it back to who I was. I do remember I liked her. The boundaries I finally set, you validated. I’m taking your advice about support from those around me that truly care about my well being. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your counsel and thank you so much for your help. Your counsel was an answered prayer of mine, so I thank God as well for the relief I have now.❤

[@mrsshanneltaylor]

Your 3rd description is the one I experienced through someone, the covert, passive-aggressive. Your description is spot on. Now that I had the strength to disconnect from them, they have most people convinced of their innocence and my supposed guilt. These people do not even ask me about my experiences. They blindly believe the narcissist. It's a terrible experience. But my faith in God heals me. It's a daily process.

[@actinggraphix3244]

I'm great full for my narcissistic relationship because it brought me to God. And more aware of the works of the devil. I never even heard of narcissism until I dated a classic narcissist with a MIL who was a covert narcissist. I've honestly gained so much knowledge, experience and an intimate relationship with Jesus.

[@daisyspanhakbon1364]

Trueth! My brother even convinced my husband that I was the crazy one!!! 27 years of being happily married AND best friends/soul mates!!! Now, that's just terrifying. Luckily my husband snapped out of the lies afew months later but it was a terrible experience for me to go through...😰😰😰💔💔💔 I forgave my husband because I know how good my brother is at manipulation. He did it all the time even as kids with my parents. I was a good kid but was always in trouble and punished for the things my brother had actually done...yes, that's how good he was and he just got better at it during the years. Very scary👿 ❤❤❤God Bless You And Heal You❤❤❤

[@catherinedonnelly1025]

Same here … it appears that we all go through pretty much the same thing Because they all act pretty much the same way They say the same things so much so that I thought they must’ve gone to the ahole University and they were at the top of the class !!!

[@JamBerry58]

Same with me-- he’s a pastor.

[@jinimurray4090]

Thank you Dr.Phil. This is very helpful After 66 years I’m finally free of my passive aggressive narcissistic mother. But I have absolutely no idea who I am. My mother said, oh I just thought you were a “little me”. Where do I begin?

[@jenniferfisher2703]

My family was almost destroyed by a malignant narcissist and we are still recovering to this day. These people are extremely dangerous, I saw what happens first hand.

[@cobbler40]

I have the same experience but I could see what he was doing. But of course nobody has experience of these toxic monsters. They do not change !

[@godschildyes]

So have I seen this up an close and firsthand! It is horror to be raised by one! I've had to live No Contact for over 20 something years!

[@cynthiadecker2042]

I am currently being destroyed by one! Losing my home and business

[@debbieb5400]

They destroy everyone and everything around them. We have thousands of dollars damages to our 🏠 and my daughter's cars. (It's been a nightmare). I have been sucked into that pit believing we could help. Taking power back but it's scary. Complicated but I am learning.

[@jenniferfisher2703]

@cynthiadecker2042 I'm so sorry to hear this. It's truly horrifying I hope you are able to get your life back in order take it one day at a time

[@melbel1990]

I lived with a malignant narcissist for 20 years. Very physically and extremely emotionally abusive. He charmed me at first, then slowly brainwashed me. He stripped me of my identity! I was a zombie. Very dangerous person he was and is. I've been divorced for 12 years. Still in therapy, have body dysmorphia, anxiety depression. I could write a book of what all my children and I have been through.

[@crazygeechee]

Me too

[@carolynquinn2599]

I'm so sorry that you (we) went through this. I'm only 4 years out & I still find myself having to reprogram my inner voice. He will not control me ever again. Be well!

[@catherinedonnelly1025]

I’ve been separated from NARCENSTEIN for almost a decade, and I’m finally feeling like I’m back to myself 😃😃😃 Plus, I’m not as depressed or anxious So, I’m much calmer & it’s so nice 👍 When I was in the relationship with him, I just wanted peace …& now I have that 😃 I think it’s because I don’t care about what he thinks anymore. I’ve gotten over that part.

[@mariedixon6081]

Me to over 20 years

[@cruisingcowgirl]

I am the beginning after being dragged in again…he is now taking a women he’s been with 4 weeks on our cruise!! And love bombing

[@tna2me197]

I’ve been married to a covert narcissist for 35 years. You described her exactly. Finding out she had this issue about 9 years ago Up until then I was convinced that I was the problem. I had been so gas lit that I was a wreck. I can’t fix her. But I know that God loves her. So it’s been more of a journey of discovering how to show His love to her. I can’t fix her but I can fix me. It’s put a magnifying glass on my self awareness.

[@kimberlyjohnson-clark2886]

Both my mother and my X husband of 18 years were covert narcissists. My mother passed away a year. My X has been out of my life for 10 years. At 60 I'm finally finding myselff.

[@gwendolyn79]

I’m so happy for you. 💕

[@VanceHerzog-u5j]

Just the fact that your watching this video, Proves that your not a narcissist.A narcissistic couldn't care about trying to figure someone out.They are to busy trying to get what they want. Don't believe them when they say that you are the problem. I know from experience that things will always be the same if you are around them. My advice is to cut off all ties with them and live your life,not theirs.

[@brendadeberry9881]

as the daughter of a narcissistic mother, i just want people to know how badly it can affect the child all through their life, and the parent doesn't even realize it

[@sandraparker1024]

THE PARENT DOES KNOW “hoodwinked” - you !

[@moniqueschmucker7712]

One of the things I did, after my mom died was embrace the child in me. I cried for weeks and made a promise to that little girl that I would never ever allow another human to bring harm to her. I made a promise to be as good to her (myself) and give her all the love in the world that she was never able to experience with her own mother. I started to eat healthier, took long walks, went biking, hiking, moved across the ocean to Europe to experience my roots. I got back into school and studied psychology. I learned how to love myself all over again and gave back that same love that God gave to me -to the world all around me. I’ve been living the best years of my life and I wish you well and all the best! ❤

[@ongjulieshalom4199]

Exactly, I can feel you cos my mom is a narcissistic personality. Only when I was in prison I felt peace and safe

[@deearvey5540]

So , I am not the only person? I was 28 yrs old, Back into the family ( my parents put the Amish to shame) anyway I asked my mother if she loved me. She turned to face me & said NO. I love the other 5 but not you. Guess who ended up taking care of her when she got cancer & was dieing? None of the other 5 & in the will I got one dollar. I was shocked I was in the will.

[@marymargaretblumhorst5359]

They know! They are using you for something that gives them evil satisfaction in ways you are not aware of, yet! As the mother of a malignant narcissist I witnessed my daughters wretched treatment of her first born and did all I could to redirect her attitude toward her child! Once she realized that she could torture not only her child with her sadistic acts, but me also, the nastiness simply became worse! Get them out of your life as soon as possible! They have no humanity.

[@melissasterling8133]

I am battling my own mental health issues now after being abused for 51 years by a narcissistic mother. If you don’t recognize that they are a narcissist it is very damaging.

[@Pookie-c5m]

💯

[@windygirl2342]

"Don't respond to therapy at all" sooooo true. My relative who I suspected from her teens that she was a narcissist - if she entered a room that had a large mirror, she had a relationship with the mirror, not you. She also lacked empathy, and I thought it would be interesting to see what happened with her. Well, I'll tell you what happened, she turned all of her narcissist gaslighting skills ON ME. And I took it because I didn't recognize what was happening. The digs, the disrespect, the outright lying and I didn't call her out. Once she got in with a "therapist" (not a Phd/MD) who I suspect just massaged her ego to keep her coming back 1-2 times a week forever (as her mother had, looking retrospectively) had her calling everyone else in her life narcissists. Apparently, insufficiently trained "therapists" aren't told to read between the lines. When she asked me two, maybe three times to come to therapy with her, SHE cancelled the appt. Later, toward the end, she said I had cancelled, but I never would have because I was fully locked and loaded to let the therapist know my side of the story. The same thing with her husband, he made appt, she cancelled and said he had cancelled. It's astonishing. End of story, the first I was able to completely cut ties with her, I did and I have felt free after 30 odd years. Truly free. Funny thing, I have a roommate that is a narcissist, but not overtly. She can not take opposition and when I did she wouldn't talk to me for 2-3 months (I didn't count). What I did in response was to happily go about my life and not care. I do not cross her now, because I am dependent upon my living situation with her, but I am checking out options as we speak. But do I care about these persons' opinions of me? Nope.

[@SledDog5678]

LOL...the song "You're so Vain" came to mind.😂 Then it reminded me of a former girlfriend who would stop by. I would stand at the door and speak to her (to limit time). I had a large window next to the door. She would watch herself, posing in different stances, just fixated on herself as she spoke to me. Very little eye contact with me. She was emotionally draining. It got worse after her A-cup to D or DD-cup breast augmentation surgery. Then it became a pattern with her if we were introduced to males (work related) she would go close and stand next to the male pressing her breasts into him. It was so amusing to me to observe. She was married and I was single (she didn't like that.)The men were uncomfortable. At that time in history sexual harassment was not prosecuted. She went on to have affair after affair after affair. I did walk away after one of her affairs caused me to miss an important, one time family event...her husband showed up at my house wanting answers. I told him simply " you two have huge problems and you know it. I'm not getting dragged in the middle here!". It took me a few weeks to write the letter cutting that woman out of my life. It was so freeing!!!! Her husband forgave her. Years later we met again. Within two weeks not only did she lie and attempt to manipulate me, she was still cheating on her trusting husnand.🤢🤮 Narcissists can't change!!!!!!

[@dagenka]

My daughter is a narcissist, she is my first born, now has two small children that i adore, she has sent me to the hospital because of her mean spirited ways, my councillor has tried to explain to me that i am her punching bag… what hurts more is the lies she spreads to everyone who will listen… im extremely empathetic which makes it impossible for me to understand her behaviour 😢 I have given up…

[@debjarvie-sexton1609]

I understand. I have the same... Hugggs xo

[@VeryGreenly]

Oh honey! That sounds horrific. Praying peace over you and comfort for your soul.

[@tundrawomansays694]

Good. Now go live your own life and find your own identity aside from “mother” and “grandmother.”

[@AnnaDancy-p4t]

I'm sorry for what you are going through My second born is narcissistic. I have had to go full no contact

[@alicefitzgerald1398]

I can very much relate to your relationship with your daughter. I never could figure out why she wants to hurt me.

[@bevtaber3946]

My ex husband is a narcissist. Absolutely everything you said I could remember him doing at one point & time. I wish they would have taught us about narcissist in high school. If I would have had some kind of knowledge to look out for those behaviors & I could have prevented a lifetime of pain. I married when I was 22 & he was 32. Thank you Dr Phil for all your invaluable information!

[@sleblanc7812]

I laugh when people say my husband is a narcissist or my friend is a narcissist! As someone who married a real narcissist, I just listen. What I wish to say to these people is that you don’t have an ok relationship with a narcissist. It’s daily terror, gaslighting and violence and afterwards you are left with the shell of your former self and severe PTSD. 6 years of therapy to actually understand what has happened to me. 15 years later, I’m still unable to have a relationship out of pure fear.

[@romanavolny8316]

My mother is a covert narcissist. All my life I thought I was at fault. I finally found out a year ago. She still drives me crazy at 84, and I am 60. I will have to make a clear cut. Thank you for this video.

[@jannienicholas4789]

My Mom too!! Misery each day!!

[@lindaschick863]

Hmm at 84

[@jessicadecker5213]

I don’t frrrrrrt

[@Whatnowart]

My narcissistic mother is in her 80s and I recently went no contact with her. She has always been hypercritical of me as a daughter and I don’t miss her cutting remarks and belittling that she never would say to my brothers.

[@romanavolny8316]

@@Whatnowart Good for you! But eventually she will be back in your life, tricking her way into it.... you have to be very strong.

[@elisahamilton73]

I remember saying to my ex as he pointed his finger at me blaming me yet again, I said ' how can one person be blamed for absolutely everything? One person cannot be doing everything wrong all of the time!' He just replied 'you are'🤯

[@wandawatts995]

Believe it or not , I have one like that , wo is fixing to by himself , then he won't have anyone to argue or blame but his self !!!

[@wandawatts995]

Believe it or not , I have one like that , wo is fixing to by himself , then he won't have anyone to argue or blame but his self !!!

[@Ladyjojo83]

I feel your pain. They are right about everything and even when they KNOW they're wrong, they won't admit it and will continue to manipulate the conversation and make it about YOU being wrong. 😮‍💨😳🤔🤔

[@chantalhill9268]

they are a waste of air..

[@catherineschaefer3305]

@@Ladyjojo83 Sad but so true.They will manipulate every time.

[@sianbuckland3976]

I came to learn about this WAY too late in life. Everything Dr Phil says is resonating. I wish I'd known all this before I was on the receiving end of it

[@gwarlie226]

Same. I'm watching this after the fact. But I know now...

[@someguy9519]

You measure others with your own yardstick. So good people are looking at beauty in everything and like you, they don't see the snake in the grass.

[@chantellucky4565]

Never too late as long as you are alive! Cut your losses and move on to HAPPINESS at all cost! There is a fresh path waiting for you if you wanted a new life as bad as you wanted air! Take a leap in faith in yourself!!! ❤️❤️❤️ I have, and I am much better and happier 😃 today!!!

[@georgiafrancis9059]

Waaaaaaaay late - me too! It's indescribable.

[@Pamela-pf8mi]

My narcissist ex-boyfriend totally tore me apart with his insults. He called me every bad name in the book and ignored me when I needed comfort and compassion. Then just left me high and dry. He basically just used me .

[@AileenBartlett-ym4ec]

It took me years to work out what the problem was. My mother, father and oldest sibling are narcissists. You can imagine what it was like for my youngest sibling and I. The only words I can think of is soul sucking.

[@daisyspanhakbon1364]

Yes! You said it exactly right: Soul Sucking🥺😰👤....my ❤is with you both❤🕊❤

[@Gloria_All_Day]

Yes, like vampires.

[@clnitonnganganjagi2500]

So sorry Aileen , you made it though through Jesus 🙏

[@clnitonnganganjagi2500]

Blood thirsty Narcissists

[@karenrogers1896]

Yes

[@nicoleotto9316]

Thank you for this podcast. I live with a narcissist who is a little bit of each type. I am finally getting out!!! Tired of being treated like a piece of trash,...lied too, belittled, gaslighted and physically. I have enough.

[@gwendolyn79]

Praying for you and please be safe. Don’t tell a soul you’re leaving and please go no contact once you leave.

[@glendabowen-lf7oo]

You are not alone

[@RoadWarrior48]

Farther, husbands and adult son all narcissist’s!! Lived with it now going on a total of 76 years. Learned boundaries and self preservation.. thank you Dr. Phil!!

[@kristikago9849]

Crossing roads with this episode must have been faith. I was so brainwashed to “accept” what a nothing of a human being I am without him that it had raddled me quite a bit even though deep down I always felt it was not so. I had life before him but he cot his hooks in me and later I was just trapped with small kids, financial difficulties if I would have left and fear to put my kids into homelessness. I have been 22 years with somebody who apparently qualifies very much into the parameters of narcissism. Why I can see it now listening to you Dr. Phil talking about it is because his ego put him in a hospital and after 3 months away from him I realized the prison I have lived in, starting from emotional, verbal, and physical abuse from time to time. I thank you for this episode. It will help me to stick to my plan not go back to life I have lived. Since he can't come after me at the moment, has made change easier for the time being at least. I am in shock actually kind of. A lot to think about.

[@azbz1z2z75]

OMG You totally nailed it. I left one like that and I felt guilty but I could not live like that all the time. Took me 17 years to figure out I could never win that war. I could never be good enough to please, I could never do anything perfect enough.

[@LauraLucas-w6u]

I was married to one for 30 years. I was too naive to see it. His goal was to be a Pastor. He majored in Religion and minored in Business. It took me too long to realize he was a con artist. I truly loved that man and would do anything for him...except ride with him on his motorcycle. That was enough for him. He asked for a divorce. I was upset and hurt. It took me almost 10yrs to overcome this. I thought we had it all. Then all of a sudden, we had nothing.

[@EmilceMaldonadoPaul]

That's exactly what happened to me after 14 years.....I thought he was my best friend, my soulmate.....all he was is a narcissist😢

[@dlgoodwin1542]

I love your examples of the Narcissistic person being habitually late because their time is the only time that is important. We used to have family dinners once a week at our house. All our daughters came and I would give them a time that the meal would be ready but they could come early to visit. My step-daughter who is a covert narcissist strolls in whenever she wants and her sisters would call her constantly to find out where she was but she would never answer. I finally set a boundary and did not wait dinner for her and when dinner was over the food was put up and the dishes cleaned. She said that was okay that she would fix her a plate from the refrigerator. To her surprise, I told her no that the kitchen was closed and she was more than welcome to go grab a burger somewhere. It didn’t change her behavior of course but it made for a much more relaxed evening for me and rest of the family.

[@caramelobear1952]

That's a good idea to try.

[@carolfoster326]

My mom was a narcissist and passed the gene down to my sister and now nephew. I was adopted and was always the scapegoat. I look back now and realize how many years I dealt with this and how much it changed who I was and limited who I could become. I kick myself now for allowing them to do this to me, but I was a baby when it all started so...

[@UnknownEntity334]

Listening to you is art. You speak in a way which makes it very engaging and interesting to listen to. You take science and make it understandable. God bless you

[@megflat2981]

Bitter pill to swallow but now I understand my daughters behavior!!! Gaslighting and name calling me made sense !!! I was disowned 6 yrs ago and my awesome wonderful life has gone on ! For my good and gods glory!!!

[@2okaycola]

@@megflat2981 where did she learn these behaviors 🤔 I wonder

[@2okaycola]

@@ToxicFreeTV he is actually a good therapist not a freaky weirdo like this hack

[@2okaycola]

@@MayaMaya-mu7yy so what did you do to your daughter exactly? You offer no details just blanket statements. I am sure your child learned from YOU ma’am

[@MayaMaya-mu7yy]

@megflat2 Ignore the Underwear Only troll, leaving negative comments on every channel! Meg so happy you’ve gone in with your wonderful life! All the best! Maya

[@jessicarenae5107]

I was always that person that seen the best in everyone and Im the fixer personality....and I was in a relationship for over 15 years with a narcissist! Man have I learned a whole lot toward the end and still looking back at the manipulation, etc!! It's crazy how mind warped you can be when you love someone like that!! He was never at fault... even all the times i caught him cheating... somehow, it always came back to being my fault! I was always "crazy"!! But you know what, I've earned that badge and I will wear it with honor for that dude!! I used to let his words hurt me and eventually I knew better and watching his behavior just made me think of how much I feel blessed not to be anything like him... and he hated that he couldn't phase me!

[@bernadettelicata5439]

Unfortunately for me I’ve known many N people! Some family! I have walked away! It’s a lonely thing but better than being abused! My faith is strong that really has helped! I have more to learn about it all. Thanks to you Dr Phil I am. Your a blessing please continue with your truths! I rather be alone than tricked and abused! I will continue to learn and grow! 🙏

[@gamerboy_-gz6pp]

God is who has gotten me through the ramifications of being with someone with NPD. The battle isn't over, but it's God's, not mine. He has reigned victorious through so many challenges. Keep the faith❣️

[@annenichols8649]

Was married 42 years and I knew something was off, but couldn’t put my finger on it and when I started go to therapy was told I was married to a narcissist. Dr. Phil is totally on the mark! Being an empath and married to a narcissist, the two don’t mix! I found out the hard way. Thank you, Dr. Phil…🩷