DRUMP: "ANTI-JOKES"

It's like a regular Game Grumps episode of only anti-jokes... Enjoy!
GAME GRUMPS: / gamegrumps
Original Videos:
Kirby's Epic Yarn: Popsicle Stick - PART 25 - Game Grumps ► • Kirby's Epic Yarn: Pop...
Shovel Knight: The Tower of Fate - PART 17 - Game Grumps ► • Shovel Knight: The Tow...

[@GrimRe4per86]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse incapable of understanding human speech promptly shits on the floor and leaves.

[@pibba8210]

which were stolen from antijoke.com

[@osles3917]

mystic soliloquy yes, so stolen. Someone call the internet police for utilizing the internet.

[@randomname7918]

I liked filthy frank's version more

[@mmmmmm6998]

666th like babeyyyy

[@kidyomu89]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?", The horse responds "My wife left me."

[@victoriawallace1584]

A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks "why the long face?" And the horse replies- "my wife is dying of a terminal illness"

[@canthandlethislol]

👏

[@victoriaviola9102]

I laughed too hard at that wtf! 😅

[@robbydepaolo3961]

I don't get it

[@seamusfee2409]

xD

[@blarg2429]

+Robby DePaolo Horses have longer faces than humans do. I think the idea is that we're supposed to think that that fact is part of the joke, but then it turns out to just be the idiom referring to sadness.

[@Tarzan118]

What do you call a dog without legs? It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.

[@breanna-bluebird]

Omg wow XD

[@jamesmartin6851]

WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS

[@Lausacc]

stolen

[@Lausacc]

I'm stealing this

[@Ashicakez3]

TenZEDin Oh no 😂😂

[@eviltoad746]

I spent all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me

[@Slightly_Decent]

theEvilToad {GD} Nice one bro.

[@honeybee908]

Evil Toad This is terrible and I'm in tears.

[@lordoftheshrimp6492]

*curls into a ball and crys*

[@Mrkevi123]

FacePalm

[@strangerman7726]

Not bad my freind

[@TheMayorofSpace]

what fucking teacher asks you to make a joke and then gets mad when you tell a joke that makes the whole class laugh?

[@evanyoung31198]

Irish teachers of course. I should know. Some of them are the laziest people ever. My homework when I was four was to learn the our father prayer.

[@trickey2333]

Evan Young Okay, Evan, we'll just leave you with your prejudices.

[@ted5610]

KleptoWafflez I'm assuming Evan is in fact irish.

[@evanyoung31198]

Ted South yes I am.

[@KyleCorbeau]

The Mayor of Space The kind of teacher that wanted you to fail or see that it wasn't that easy to write comedy, even when it really was *that* easy.

[@BeanutPutter01]

Where did Arin go after the bombing? Everywhere.

[@theboxking8525]

Well played, Mark.

[@llGemini19]

+TheBoxKing Umm, as you can clearly see, that is Not Mark so....

[@JudasTheJuice]

Well played, Not Mark

[@fakename5307]

Ha.

[@adambyrne7795]

+xXx_Mudkip_xXx too soon

[@anonomyss]

How do you kill an introvert? You starve him to death by putting a stranger in his kitchen

[@silverfang8386]

Not gonna lie that'd probably work with me.

[@whamer100]

+Silver Fang Me too, tbh

[@WaferNegresco]

Silver Fang exactly

[@jasonsoliva6678]

Was hiding from my relatives before reading this...

[@Thebes342]

That's how I wanna go.

[@sjoerdbrouwer9822]

He orders a drink... a time traveller walks into a bar.

[@kingkezzykell]

Aye im 250 wooo yooooh

[@windmillcreep6836]

Boring

[@OriginalCreatorSama]

oh i like that xD

[@DimT670]

actually unironically hilarious

[@hexospikez741]

Ayy im 500 les go.

[@ltshep713]

If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left? 499. What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into the fridge? Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door. What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into the fridge? Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door. The lion king is having a birthday party, all the animals but 1 arrive. Who's missing? The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge. Sally wants to go to the party but she has to cross a crocodile infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, why? Because all of the crocodiles are at the party. Sally dies anyway, why? She got hit in the head by a falling brick.

[@sirloin5951]

+CaptSteelskin I've seen this before in a meme comic.

[@kiro9291]

+CaptSteelskin genius

[@MadameTeqi]

Legitimate question: is this the joke that coined the phrase "brick joke"?

[@ltshep713]

No, it is not, and I had never heard that phrase before, however I did a quick search for the term, and apparently this is it: www.madfigs.com/parables/brick.php (Make sure to read both the brick and airplane jokes)

[@MadameTeqi]

Holy fuck, I learned from a KZbin comment. What has the world come to? (seriously thank you for pointing me in the right direction) And if anyone wants to know what I was talking about specifically, I found a link on my own: tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BrickJoke The more you know! *ding*

[@theultragamer7100]

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Lamborghini? For the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

[@misterbig2449]

Nice

[@ImCroozy]

+TheUltraGamer Beautiful

[@chazaiya]

+TheUltraGamer ayyyyy

[@sabotabo7476]

+TheUltraGamer Here in my garage...

[@hinote4221]

Daaaamn

[@ForgottenSon_]

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places he told me "Don't go to those places anymore"

[@sadlobster1]

That's a good one

[@jamillatorres7226]

@@just_a_strange_traveler *proceeds to break spine in school*

[@3shot03]

Classic

[@MrStoukaph]

Two muffins are baking in an oven. The first one says to the other "Duuude, I'm so baked right now." The second says to the first "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"

[@robothunter1035]

Good!

[@soniclovesamygirl]

My ex-wife still misses me! BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER!

[@sunflowertrickster9705]

See, it's funny because marriage is terrible.

[@scoutpilgrim5320]

soniclovesamygirl Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims, they went through 85 stories in 10 seconds. i'll see myself to the bowels of hell.

[@grandiosereject5083]

GRUNCLE STAN WE HAVE A WINNER

[@kerry1808]

Scout Pilgrim wtf man, you're sick. (Θ︹Θ)ს

[@scoutpilgrim5320]

Swagalious Elisha psssh, that's not even my worst.

[@kaimon23]

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

[@Gore171459]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭

[@TomAce89]

Lmao on the floor

[@InvaderTool]

+Some Stupid Ginger OOOOOOOH!!!!

[@henrygutierrez3243]

+Some Stupid Ginger My day just keeps getting better XD

[@Shvme]

oh fuck. i love this.

[@joedav67]

What do you get when you mix strawberries and bananas? A healthy smoothie.

[@MasterKcoop]

+Some Guy actual answer: to grab his family from the grocery store and properly bury their remains.

[@MasterKcoop]

+Paithen ... ._.

[@mikepolizzi958]

technically this isnt even a joke. unfunny in multiple ways

[@TheCactuar124]

Mike Polizzi That's why it's called an anti-joke, dumbass.

[@airsoul355games4]

Helen Keller walks into a bar, a table, and then a chair.

[@willpoweramv]

Two men who haven't seen each other in years finally reunite. The first man tells the second man "Hey dude! Let's hang!" The second man says "Totally!" They were later found at the gallows.

[@TheCrystalMelonDoesNotDoMeth]

.-.

[@retrodude5451]

That's funny to me XD

[@fakename5307]

Ha.

[@fakename5307]

Ha.

[@joedav67]

+RunRobotRun911 i ruined the 69 likes

[@colbywright6443]

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you melons you might be dyslexic.

[@Theredtail95]

my friend said Onions were the only vegetable that could make you cry... I threw a coconut at his head.

[@esmooth919]

@@Theredtail95 that's a fruit!

[@Theredtail95]

@@esmooth919 ok. Let me try something else. He said Onion was the only food that would make you cry... So, I dumped hot soup down his pants.

[@justapoet2794]

I know it doesn’t make sense(and I’m sure I’m not the first to make this joke) but I came up with “if life gives you melons, make demon ale”

[@esmooth919]

@@Theredtail95 there's also the jalapeno

[@KatyaKnightwolf]

What birds always stick together? Vel-crows What do you call a gigantic bear in the rain? A Drizzly-bear

[@jarodwilfrid8505]

These jokes are going to the birds...

[@Wrestling824]

+Jarod Wilfred I don't think I can BEAR these puns 😏

[@Theredtail95]

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

[@pseudogamer6685]

Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

[@cucckles]

6 was afraid of 7 because 7 was a registered six offender

[@tunabeans]

+Whitney Cavanaugh XD

[@laurablekkenhorst4302]

Because 7 8 9

[@roomtemp_soup]

Because seven is a registered six offender

[@Posiedon151]

i am weirdly reminded of the sentient shade of the color blue from hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

[@beau9801]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cancer

[@beau9801]

Tommy Laukkanen Oh yeah, I heard that one too

[@JossCard42]

Tommy Laukkanen That's not funny. My grandpa died in one of those camps...He fell from a guard tower.

[@beau9801]

JossCard42 ...

[@derpaderpy4931]

JossCard42 Strange, my grandpa died in one of those camps too. He was crushed by some fuck who fell from a guard tower.

[@Cory_]

Rainbow Pigeon What's worse than cancer? Finding 2 worms in your apple

[@lopson8683]

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY JOKE

[@war0f1812]

Yesssss

[@Cure-Skywalker]

I like your coat...

[@doggygee8836]

+Takeru Takaishi uh hu, uh hu, uh hu

[@AAFcommander]

reminds me of arin's Yoda jokes, so hilarious!!!!

[@stealthlock6634]

What do you call a broken window? A pane in the glass

[@j4de578]

Stealthlock puns are welcome here

[@RainbowEssence-c3w]

Two chemists walk into a bar, one says, "I'll have H20. The other says, "I'll have H20 too." The second chemist dies.

[@RainbowEssence-c3w]

Jarod Wilfred I see what you did there... lol

[@PsychoDiesel48]

I love jokes like that

[@Theredtail95]

The bartender says, "You could just order water. I get that you're Chemists and all, but calling common things by their chemical names just makes you sound like a Jackass. Get out of my bar and don't come back."

[@pepperjack641]

Both chemists survive because who the fuck has hydrogen peroxide on tap.

[@SavageEpicness-fw2ue]

@@pepperjack641 universal truth.

[@cloneepisodeiiiwalker3964]

The best part is that voice they do for the Kirby ones.

[@The_sweetish_chef]

So true. Angry Yiddish grandfather voice is the best for jokes. XD

[@waterwind2266]

+Megan S It reminds me if Yeshmin Blechin, the Greg Benson character!

[@The_sweetish_chef]

+Samuel Irvin I'm not familiar with them. Who are those guys?

[@waterwind2266]

Megan S Just look up Yeshmin Blechin. He's a character created by Greg Benson. He's just an grumpy old Jewish man who sounds a lot like this.

[@AAFcommander]

I agree

[@readyfreddiebear]

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!! ...just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet

[@mrflyingcow8874]

just kiddin, he hasn`t jet opened it

[@iiamatsuii]

Elizabeth Jensen THATS FUCKED UP 😂😂😂😂

[@davecrupel2817]

Hahahaha

[@typacsk]

You know the rule, Timmy: No hands, no cookies!

[@PsychoDiesel48]

Noo . . . . . Omfg XD THATS TERRIBLE!! XD

[@TheDurk]

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard , and a German man arrive early to a small concert. they sit in the front row and chat. The setup director is on the stage, and he asks the four men if they can see him alright. "yes" "oui" "si" "ja"

[@tablesaltarchives712]

I got it

[@beaniepollard8290]

Isn't the last man usually German?

[@MisterBeagleton]

That's actually really clever.

[@michaelfreemen9740]

I don't get it

[@quasicroissant]

there's no Finnish in that joke

[@StoutShako]

Why did little Amy fall off the swingset? Because she had no arms. Why did nobody hear little Amy call for help? Because she had no friends. Knock knock! Who's there? Not little Amy!

[@liaminator4950]

What about Arin?

[@StoutShako]

Liaminator haha i forgot that was the name of his wife too. Ok. Modifying the joke just a little bit.

[@StoutShako]

There. Now it can be seen as a Sonic reference lmao

[@pascables]

Stout Shako okay so this is a long one, and It's a bit offensive (sorta) daughter: dad why did you name daisy? dad: because a daisy fell on you head as a baby daughter 2: dad why did you name me rose? dad: because a rose fell on your head as a baby. son with brain damage: hey dad dad: oh hey Brick

[@discipleofshaun5252]

Ark Salem Nice theft there...

[@kaelang12]

The way they say the jokes makes me imagine Grunkle Stan telling them.

[@kaelang12]

kaelang12 And speaking of Grunkle Stan... My ex-wife still still misses me, but her aim is getting better! Her aim is getting better! ...It's funny because marriage is terrible.

[@SkintelNKeychain]

omfg XD

[@gconklin2012]

Why couldn't the man find his map? He lost his map.

[@redgeoblaze3752]

he didn't have one

[@mangomelons]

why?

[@deefoxwinter853]

Gabriella Conklin I thought you were gonna say because Dora stole it ha ha

[@alexandrite8032]

Gabriella Conklin

[@renbies2304]

I actually really didn't expect that and I laughed out loud and startled my cat

[@woodgatejack]

I was in the park, wondering why frisbees look bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me.

[@SavageEpicness-fw2ue]

Awesome and soooo underrated

[@whymee123]

I tried writing with a broken pencil the other day, it was pointless

[@PyroBirdChris]

Sans get outta here

[@Mylifeasadumbgirl]

Why'd the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead Why'd the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first koala Why'd the third koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

[@Yizak]

+Samantha Johnson Hahaha this is my favourite one yet

[@Laughing_Dragon]

why did three other koalas fall out of the tree??? koala centipede... why did three humans die??? human centipede... what was a fucked up movie? human centipede 1 - 2, and soon 3... why am I here???because fuck you that's why... why am I so hostile??? don't give a fuck that's why. why the fuck do I keep asking questions??? because people hate to many questions... will I please stop??? yes, because I'm a brony, and I'm nice, and I'm not a cuntbag... so I now leave...

[@tolbeepies2057]

+Samantha Johnson easily the best one.

[@DYNEsama]

Why did Jenny fall off the swing? Because someone threw a fridge at her

[@manticore6963]

+ShyGuyDY I thought, because she had no arms.

[@DYNEsama]

Manti Core We'd say because someone threw a fridge at her at my school lol

[@TheKing-hi5mk]

+ShyGuyDY The best joke is this... Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

[@killerslowpoke]

Hey what the fuck, I'm Jenny why would you do that

[@Earthen_Jar_Hands]

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus

[@maya54517]

Two fish are in a tank. one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?"

[@robbobb4050]

Two muffins are in an oven, one looks at the other and says: “Boy, it sure is hot in here!” The other muffin goes: “Wow a talking muffin!”

[@mystriolu4407]

I asked and I received. Thank you!

[@randomvideogamerdude]

Suggestions are welcome ;)

[@Grizzlow2]

***** I agree 100%.

[@patricktrego1453]

***** I also agree, I get it drump sounds like grump, you don't need to tell me every 2 secpnds

[@Kingofgames664]

I liked this just to get this comment to 69 likes

[@mystriolu4407]

Just Your Typical Brony A dream come true

[@sanboi4246]

What did the fisherman say to the wizard? Pick a cod, any cod.

[@andrewkful]

Took place in Boston.

[@Sharon_Hocutt]

sandroalimpoos tincksabatin Would you like a Gorp with that Drump and Grump with ice?

[@sanboi4246]

Sharon Hocutt Nah i would like some grump choc on that vinaly eis kriim.

[@Sharon_Hocutt]

K. You will get Grep with Drump and Grump with a new Gorp Sundae.

[@tomr9716]

Oh my god, that joke was on the wrapper of a Penguin chocolate bar I had yesterday. Just replace Fisherman with Penguin

[@AzurePearl1996]

Two dyslexics rob a bank. They shouted "Hands in the air, motherstickers, this is a fuck up!" 😂😂😂

[@theshoesock6637]

this is great

[@danielvinson8017]

Hana-Umi Productions that was hilarious

[@AzurePearl1996]

Really? I hope you didn't get in too much trouble by the teacher.

[@cannon9009]

Hana-Umi Productions Funny thing is, it was actually a fuckup. OH THE IRONY.

[@idkidk7087]

Hana-Umi Productions but dyslexics mix up letters not words...

[@snerd8064]

what do a brick and a sloth have in common? nothing.

[@Theredtail95]

What’s the difference between a brick and a beach ball? I’M ASKING YOU!

[@Mylifeasadumbgirl]

A grass hopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey, we have a drink named after you!" And the grass hopper says "you have a drink named Ralph?"

[@Yizak]

+Samantha Johnson This one is great tooo

[@_Altus]

+Samantha Johnson Good reference.

[@legotheon]

I have heard this before, but I can't remember when or where... huh.

[@swiftlymurmurs]

how many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? certainly not seven, because the light in my basement's still broken!

[@BaconIsWatching]

+MisterSmiley91 and six other people it would seem

[@febbledebble]

+BaconIsWatching 37*

[@gameboygamer6498]

+BaconIsWatching 56*

[@natey105]

582*

[@aquaexnar3093]

Lol, the answer I always had for that one was : "As many babies as it took to make a pile high enough to reach the lightbulb."

[@FreakDaMIghet]

I'm addicted to prescription glasses. Now 20/20 wants to do a story on my life.

[@brandona801]

Eye know what you mean.

[@themidlyfrustratedinteract4957]

Eye don't get it.

[@OMGluminam]

These puns are too much

[@OMGluminam]

These puns are too much

[@mariosonicboom123]

These jokes are so corny-a... i'm so sorry

[@GrimRe4per86]

There was a girl with no arms or legs sitting on a beach. As a man walked past her she started crying. The man asked "What's the matter dear?". And the girl replied "I've never been hugged before." So the man hugs her and the girl starts crying again. The man asked "What's wrong now?". And the girl replies with "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her but she starts crying yet again. So the man asks "What's the matter now?" The girl replies with "I've never been fucked before." So the man picked her up and threw her in the ocean and said "Well your fucked now!"

[@jamesmartin6851]

you little shit

[@generic_soda]

*xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD*

[@Thunderdude135]

now you cant tell if she’s crying under the sea

[@tenacityxl]

Thunder *Jamaican crab laughter muffled by water*

[@Ubermensch9240]

That's horrible. Only Kafka would enjoy that.

[@JackDuripper]

What's worse than a dead baby? Dumpster full of dead babies What's worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? One is still alive at the bottom What's worse than that? He had to eat his way out What's worse than that? He came back for seconds

[@dariendude17]

Jack Duripper God damn dude!

[@darqfalls849]

Jack Duripper What's worse than that? This story gave you an erection

[@definitelyhacked4000]

Darqfalls my penis cannot get erect.

[@jblza9672]

Nick Piening Well now I know what's worse than the other scenarios.

[@matthewdomagalski3652]

Jack Duripper Jester814??

[@godzelda123]

Did you know that 5/4 people are bad at fractions?

[@Yizak]

+Godzelda123 There are 10 types of people: Those who understand binary and those who do not.

[@TheNookOfficial]

+Godzelda123 There are three types of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.

[@BeeWaifu]

American Ninja Guy Wait a minute...

[@TheNookOfficial]

bladiumdragon Not quite sure which one *I* am! *nervous laugh*

[@jarethrowe6948]

5/4, wait

[@tommylynn8822]

Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

[@thedatacat6771]

What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Birth Defect What do you call a cow with no legs? Crippled

[@priyanshugoel3030]

Ground beef.

[@lucasgibbs4050]

What do you actually call a cow with no legs? A cow that’s not moo-ving anywhere.

[@carleatssand]

Why did the boy fall off his bike? His mother threw a fridge at him.

[@skalbagge3131]

Carl AND SHE SAID THAT HE HAD TO BE COOL

[@Nelamon]

parody of that joke, Why did monster kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.

[@turnipkupo7263]

dnt get it

[@skalbagge3131]

Aurora Tillotson I get it Its the monster kid from Undertale, isnt it?

[@Nelamon]

yup... sarcastically* how did you know!? its metaphorically impossible! Even scientist couldn't find that out! *w.d gaster shows up*

[@DorkyKirikai]

The sea food disco one kills me every time!

[@GoldFledgEnt]

I don't get it.

[@DorkyKirikai]

It's a play on words. The sea food and the body part

[@nicholaspoland99]

he pulled a muscle as in the food muscle

[@greenstrike0467]

they all get me every time but the one that get's me the most is the dam one

[@dandazed5846]

Kirikai Dubs Huh, you must have a seafood allergy then.

[@SoffiCitrus]

What's blue and lies on the floor? A baby playing with a plasic bag.

[@liaminator4950]

OH GOD MY SIDES.

[@jamesmartin6851]

NO

[@davecrupel2817]

X,DDD

[@AndyGuyCantYouLiftForLife]

...Jesus

[@xavierbolin1364]

Ellahluja My jaw dropped when I read that.

[@treyforest2466]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?” The horse replies, “I was born into servitude, and when I die my feet will be turned into glue.” The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.

[@AimeeRose1997]

It's Wolverine's birthday, but what he doesn't know is that there are 3 other mutants at the school whose birthdays are on the same day as his, so when he goes downstairs in the morning and sees the 3 mutants opening their presents, he asks "What the hell's going on here?", to which the professor responds with: "You're not the only one with gifts Logan."

[@lillieofthevlly]

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because Sally has no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

[@plushmaster3028]

I love that joke my sister always tells me it and I still laugh

[@siblilngs101]

Knock knock Who's there? To To who? To whom.

[@TotalBowtie]

That's one of the three jokes my friend says every time we see each other oh my god

[@scoutpilgrim5320]

LogikHawk Where did the little girl go when the bomb went off? Everywhere.

[@lillieofthevlly]

Scout Pilgrim Oh god.

[@myaachi5407]

Why do orphans like playing tennis so much? Because its the only love they'll ever get.

[@nbtry2334]

Dan after every joke: hahahaha that's the worst

[@FlancitoConCebolla]

Arin wtf HAHAHAHA

[@NurseValentineSG]

What's funnier than 10 children in 1 trash bin? 1 child in 10.

[@KodaLynnGAME]

Source of dat profile pic plz

[@lolwutman]

Character is from "Skullgirls" a fighting game on Steam, idk the source

[@Evilevie11]

Nurse Valentine YES!

[@GranRodrigo8]

Nurse Valentine 25

[@chockydoe]

What's funnier the that? 10 trash bins in one child

[@femoman]

Rene Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. After he's finished the bartender asks if he'd like another. He tries to say "I don't think so.", but he only gets as far as "I don't think..." and POOF! He disappears.

[@femoman]

***** Descartes was the 'I think, therefore I am' guy.

[@keretor9457]

+Flyingfox that's the joke

[@MattDearing]

Love it.

[@robothunter1035]

+Michael Welsh (Femoman) He says, "No thank you. I have to drive."

[@cecthekoori7490]

ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "i'll give you a drink if you tell me a joke" and the guy replies "ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "i'll give you a drink if you tell me a joke" and the guy replies "ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "i'll give you a drink if you tell me a joke" and the guy replies "ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, so he gets the drink, so he gets the drink, so he gets the drink, so he gets the drink.

[@jarodwilfrid8505]

And on the pedestal these words shall appear: and on the pedestal these words shall appear: and on the pedestal these words shall appear...

[@jarodwilfrid8505]

Oh, that's one of my favorite jokes.

[@ProjjectDelta.]

You said it wrong...its "Ill give you a drink if you tell me a META joke" ...but still good

[@motivatedindividual2507]

Some Guy But where is The Flash? Oh right, he doesn’t do that anymore

[@DagamerPC]

Why did Tim drop his Ice Cream? He didn't. There was no ice cream. He has schizophrenia.

[@madam-mint]

There is no spoon, apparently, as well. (I have no clue what that's actually from. It just seemed relevant.)

[@sol-sollemsun273]

+Rach Frisella ....matrix

[@eyewai]

Bepis Ambulance

[@cheddarcedar]

Why did Tim drop his ice cream? He preferred Curry.

[@DrunkSnowWhite]

Why did the boy drop his icecream cone? . . . . . because he was hit by a bus

[@jfv26]

Omg

[@KeedGmaer]

Why did mario get off yoshis back HE WANTED TAH KALL HAM

[@playin4power]

Am I the only one that actually find these hilarious? I love these jokes more than any other. I mean isn't it kind of whats jokes are supposed to be?

[@CheffBryan]

They're great because you'd expect something zany and off-the-wall, but it turns into something absolutely mundane.

[@masao7863]

***** Is because there are so bad that they are good haha

[@MuppetMan246]

Kosaburo Ijymo Like B-Movies! God bless Bruce Campbell!

[@OnionFairy99]

***** Of course not! Anti-Jokes and Dark humor are some of my favorite jokes!!

[@-snek.]

***** They're hilarious because of Arin and Danny's fucking A-Plus delivery.

[@garychief2338]

Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John's heart sank, his mothers dementia was getting worse by the day.

[@garychief2338]

shit, someone made this joke already.

[@GrimRe4per86]

Gary Chief And his name is John... Stamos *full house theme*

[@irishcookies4233]

Oh no the xbox and and play station have been injured!!! Here comes the ambulance!!! WiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiu

[@TheHammy2211]

...Okay, I laughed at that one.

[@a.p.5342]

😂😂😂😂

[@schmooferino6441]

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAYYYYY

[@pinkiemenadianepie7663]

Omfg

[@sam-we2xq]

I died a little inside

[@bartholomewthundercatiii3484]

You missed the best part of the two fish joke. "Dam!" "Dumb bass."

[@J01789]

Why did the little girl drop her lollipop? She got hit by a truck.....

[@ibiotic8907]

A couple was lieing down in a field gazing at the stars. Quickly, both of them took notice to the fact that only one of the stars in the sky were visible. The couple began to get curious as to why this strange phenomenon was occurring. They then went blind blind due to staring at the sun.

[@EpicJXD]

What's the difference between a moodle and badoodle. Skaboodle!

[@steelbite3605]

EpicJXD from the story about oney telling jokes in class for homework

[@TheCameraLady123]

i cracked up at that joke so many times 😂 it was hilarious 🤣

[@Ampwich]

I don't get that one

[@ethanfritch2654]

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them.

[@kiro9291]

oh

[@NOLink8299]

this joke is always a good icebreaker for meeting new people

[@bingbong7024]

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them. Hi, I'm Brianna."

[@robothunter1035]

Especially those ladies outside of women's health clinics. They love that one.

[@jamesmartin6851]

oh no

[@datemasamune2904]

A man's star sign is cancer. And you'll never guess how he died. He was attacked by a giant crab.

[@gracekat7434]

I LAUGHED TOO HARD AT THIS MAN

[@StreetRat53]

bo burnham?

[@Melissa-sp1vs]

+Nurtle Thurtle oh my god yeh !

[@TalAzulay]

+Date Masamune In hebrew the word for crab is the same as the word for cancer. go figure.

[@sylvashtda7681]

+Date Masamune what about, he died from cancer

[@xXBEERCULESXx]

I like my women like I like my coffee... Ground up in a bag in the back of my freezer

[@AetherBoye]

Ultimate Roarior I like my women like I like my coffee. I don't like coffee.

[@CrashfHackergames]

That must taste horrible

[@typacsk]

I like my women like I like my books. Well read and leather bound.

[@Theredtail95]

I like my women like I like my coffee... With my penis in it.

[@priyanshugoel3030]

@@Theredtail95 now thats a joke.

[@Storm-ci2ox]

what do you call a spanish dinosaur? tyrannosaurus mex what do you call a dinosaur that doesn't like superman? tyrannosaurus lex what do you call a cyborg dinosaur? tyrannosaurus techs what do you call a cereal-eating dinosaur? tyrannosaurus chex what do you call a dinosaur's curse? a tyrannosaurus hex and finally..... what does a dinosaur do during mating season? tyrannosaurus sex i regret nothing

[@zzz9952]

+Gordon Kahan What do you call a dinosaur that goes to the gym? Tyrannosaurus pecs. What do you call a dinosaur that plays Pokemon? Tyrannosaurus decks. What did tyrannosaurus lex steal? Forty (40) tyrannosaurus keks. (And that is terrible.)

[@Storm-ci2ox]

+Michael Noell what does the dinosaur mating dance include? the tyrannosaurus flex

[@zzz9952]

Gordon Kahan What do you get when you let a dinosaur pilot a plane? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

[@robothunter1035]

What do you call a dinosaur with glasses? Tyrannosaurus specs.

[@robothunter1035]

What do you call my former wife? Tyrannosaurus ex!

[@amigohonkanen]

What do a rabbit and an elephant have in common? They both start with "R", the elephants name is Randy.

[@Richie95Metallica]

I love how much Dan believes in the ones he reads "What?!" "SEAFOOD DISCO!!"

[@JT-qk9kn]

a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "why the long face?" the bartender then realizes the horse isnt real, and slowly succombs into his insanity

[@aroraborb-ealis9865]

Why did the boy drop his ice cream He was hit by a bus

[@54firewall]

A baby seal walks into a club.... .... ..... .... I'll just go.

[@beau9801]

Oh...My God

[@DUSTRUCT0]

I don't get it. :( Such sad.

[@nicholaspoland99]

Dustin Brown A club as in a weapon

[@marcoazoz4963]

Holy shit. Down for Ice Climbers?

[@beau9801]

Marco Azoz Fuck yeah!

[@regalia8717]

What did little Billy get for Christmas this year? Polio.

[@zzz9952]

+HiddenTalent77 Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone? Because he got hit by a bus.

[@semisweetsnail8578]

+Michael Noell Why doesn't billy go to the beach anymore? He drowned last year

[@BluesMoth64]

Polio's cured, right?

[@kingdavey90]

@@BluesMoth64 It's vaccined against. However, not everyone gets vaccines anymore.

[@kingdavey90]

What did Billy get for New Years Eve? A wheelchair!

[@yamothaisaverynizlady]

I don't know these guys, but they made me laugh for hours

[@Storm-ci2ox]

+Isabel Brewer Their channel is the Game Grumps, and they have entire videos devoted to their stupidity. Those ones are the 'Best Of' Game Grumps

[@MIGU3L2K]

They aren't funny anymore though, so don't waste your time.

[@gummygoo2]

Isaboble its Danny and Arin aka the gamegrumps, they're in a band together called starbomb and Danny's in a seperate band called ninjasexparty (nsp) Hope you keep watching these fabulous funny people and enjoy! :D

[@childishcowbino1245]

I beg to differ

[@ado_5]

RichHobo I agree with him

[@dogboyified]

Helen Keller walks into a bar. And then a chair. And then a wall.

[@typacsk]

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They moved all the doorknobs.

[@ultimateninjaboi]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my Grandfather. Not screaming and panicking like the passengers in his car

[@ThatIckyGuy]

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines" said the man. "I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man. "Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man. "I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man. "These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man. "Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated. As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es!". "Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.

[@houdini9739]

Dyonus this is amazing and underrated

[@somebodycooliguess1597]

The funny part is that he understands exactly what she was offering him every time 🤣

[@kingdavey90]

oh man, that was a lot of work for a S O C K S pun :D

[@rachaelbrown3656]

France, Germany and England decide to have a competition on which countries cat can swim a certain distance the quickest. To save confusion they each name the cat the first three numbers in their language, Germany named theirs Ein, Zwei, Drei. France named theirs Un, Deux, Trois and England named theirs One, Two, Three. The race begins and the officials go the the finish line to await the swimming cats. Ein, Zwei, Drei won the race, One, Two, Three came second, but Un, Deux, Trois never finished, why? Because the Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq

[@princefleaswallow5182]

Holy shit

[@mrflyingcow8874]

i dont get it

[@princefleaswallow5182]

luuk van den hurk the Un Deux Trois cat sunk. it's a pronunciation joke

[@tacothedank]

i will always love this

[@mephostopheles3752]

Rachael brown C'est un très mal blague, mon ami.

[@Johnwicklover1994]

Mom: what do you wanna be when you grow up? Me: I wanna be like Arin from GameGrumps! Mom: ...oh no...

[@hirokokueh3541]

what's the different from Arin and a Gamer girl ?

[@chungus-chan3231]

arin's a guy

[@alolamao833]

el deficiente

[@Dogetor]

"What's the difference between a noodle and a bootle? SKADOOTLE!" I LOST IT LOL

[@Onyx1987]

To their credit, delivery is everything, and the grumps delivery is incredible.

[@carlgustafson6669]

This year during hunting season I shot my first turkey... Scared the shit out of everyone at the grocery store.

[@orangedalmatian]

Why did the man fall over when he was at a skrillex concert? He suffered a severe epileptic seizure.

[@dracocrusher]

Greatest Pickup Line Ever: Girl, if you were a fish....... ... You'd be an attractive fish.

[@alblood8575]

dracocrusher well it's better than "does this rag smell of cloroform..." and "nice shoes, wana f@ck?" ...2 lines ive actualy heard ppl try 2 use...the dude tat used the cloroform one got nailed in the nuts...it was great...

[@dracocrusher]

Al Blood Yeah. I mean, if you're calling them an attractive fish, at least it's quirky and you call them attractive. Just being like "Does this rag smell like cloroform?" is just like "Hey, I wanna r*pe you...." which is just plain creepy. And with "Nice shoes, wanna f*ck?" it almost sounds like they're only into the shoes, lol! I just imagine if she says yes, they start getting ready and stuff, she takes off her shoes, and then the guy's immediately like "EWwwww...... Yeah this isn't gonna work." then grabs the shoes and just runs off as fast as he can.

[@alblood8575]

dracocrusher luls! yeah...the saddest part is the that ive ac2aly heard thse 2 used...they didnt succeed but they just sounded so low and dscusting...can deffinatly say those people shouldnt bread...

[@dracocrusher]

Al Blood I'd like to say they sound worse when you analyze them, but they sound so bad either way that..... Yeeahhhh....... The heck were those guys thinking?!

[@alblood8575]

dracocrusher uh...alcohol was involved...public intoxication can b funny sometimes! X,X stoopidity will b the death of us all!!! X3 just gota enjoy the stoopid!!!

[@martyfriedman2672]

Why couldn't the Mexican eat a taco? He was vegetarian and was offended by the idea of eating meat.

[@cvharpmcgee]

It's not so much the jokes themselves, but how they say them xD

[@houdini9739]

The Venetian Harper yeah the jokes are actually really shitty. If a friend told you that joke. You probably wouldn’t laugh. What makes it funny is the way they giggle in the middle of their jokes and crack up at the stupidest thing. It’s like Markiplier’s try not to laugh videos. The clips aren’t funny, the reactions are funny.

[@dimes4crimes78]

in the words of joke yoda, "THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, BUT I FELT THE DELIVERY COULD USE A LITTLE SOMETHING."

[@rljeric]

What do a guitar and a cone have in common? Neither one of them can climb a tree.

[@war0f1812]

Ketchup

[@kirbykinnie3691]

+Littlejohn133 I LIKED THIS WAY MORE THAN I SHOULD'VE

[@resss9403]

Well one can.If you're talking about a PINECONE

[@kiro9291]

+Yayai Danish pinecones can't climb trees

[@Bigfoot42794]

Here's one: Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

[@michaelsampson8876]

I love how they both immediately default to Gruncle Stan impressions when telling their abysmal jokes

[@phantomkitten73]

What has four eyes, but cannot see? A blind guy with glasses.

[@datemasamune2904]

A woman and a man were having a conversation. Woman: Politicians are terrible! They're all thieves! Man: Ma'am, you're being harsh. Woman: Why? Are you a politician? Man: No, I'm a thief.

[@sainsburyschocolatechipcoo5275]

two racing dog were beside the track boasting about their wins. one says "I've won 25 out of my last 50 races!" the other says "that's nothing, I've won 50 out of my last 75!" at this point, a racehorse pokes his head round and says "well I've won 99 of my last 100, and I only lost that one because I was ill!" the dogs look at eachother, then one says... "BLOODY HELL, A TALKING HORSE!!!"

[@LokiSinsALot]

What's brown and bad for your dental health A baseball bat :}

[@crazylimegreenmonkey]

Epsilon Grey I like that.

[@awesomemanb3267]

A pile of shit

[@thederphead294]

Wood Bricks

[@Theredtail95]

What's Brown and Sticky? A stick.

[@SolstaceWinters]

Why did the plane crash? _Because the pilot was a loaf of bread._

[@itscrumbelivable]

What happened to the guy who crashed his car into the river? He died!

[@toastyourfeelings3274]

ChaosSorceror_Davidicus Me too

[@xXThePanzerXx]

Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.

[@yaboiferret8681]

This killed me 😂

[@cheekybreeky3775]

This joke is like porn. Everyone has seen this.

[@PsychoDiesel48]

Anthony Sauls My god . . . . . I'm using this one

[@grovetender4713]

*snorts autistically* uH, fOoD iS aCtUaLlY a SeVeRe WoRlD iSsUe *snorts*

[@ripexthecrocogator4137]

True...