Edgelord Repeatedly Fails At Murdering Party

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[@CritCrab]

Hey! Check out our friends over at facebook.com/OldWorldStudiosInc/ ! They're awesome.

[@ckillgore]

I did check them out, and told them you sent me. Looking forward to the Kickstarter, it seems like an awesome project.

[@aralornwolf3140]

BTW, when you make videos... you might want to close apps which have pop up notifications (or turn them off)... You have a friend playing 7 Days to Die @1:31, lol. Another friend @8:16 is playing Total War: Warhammer II.

[@MrBardTard]

Do they have a site that isn't a shitbook page?

[@kendallchaos]

CritCrab I love how grounded and personal that email was (Assuming that was the actual email they sent you) I especially live the ending (unless you’re not interested in such a thing then nvm)

[@CritCrab]

@@MrBardTard hoping they will soon!

[@alexandervoicu5309]

the idea of the edgelord yelling "I wonder what your entrails look like" like a skyrim bandit while he's on the floor getting his face kicked in is hilarious to me

[@CidSilverWing]

That's such an NPC thing to say. ... Wait a minute.

[@Mortablunt]

"I'm just getting warmed up, you pathetic worm! Why won't you DIIIIIIEEEE!!!" - Yelled at me by a bandit who's seen me cut down 3 others of his gang and is constantly knocking him down with Black Winter.

[@vestige1671]

“THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU FALL DOWN AND BLEED TO DEATH!!!”

[@Aim54Delta]

Part of me almost wants to credit the guy with running some kind of social experiment where he would play as a skyrim player, and this action was his clue to the party that he was being a mindless NPC with hilariously out of touch taunts. But that is probably giving him way, way too much credit.

[@thatwaffleguy4958]

@@Aim54Delta I wanna do this now! Just make an NPC PC without telling anyone (but the DM) and see how long it takes them to realize I'm just repeating a set amount of lines.

[@thesecutor4625]

“Albino dark elf” So they’re twice as likely to die because of a sun related incident

[@valentinmitterbauer4196]

Albino dark elf vampire gamer bat ginger snowblind troll olm deep- sea nightshade mushroom star- nosed- mole

[@burningbronze7555]

I think they said that they were in the elder scrolls so think more fire proof less blinded by light.

[@commander31able60]

isn't that just a normal elf?

[@thegoodfather1177]

But they're fire proof

[@annabella1650]

TheGoodFather I guess that means that being albino takes that away maybe?

[@RosieAnims]

Every time he “stares at you with his lifeless doll-like eyes”, your party forgot to take the hint to pull the string on his back and make him talk

[@Soitisisit]

This gives me a dumb idea for a magical construct character.

[@eggmin8967]

​​@@Soitisisitpc:tell us where to find the BBEG Construct:"stares at you with it's lifeless doll-like eyes" Pc:oh yeah right "winds scew on its back" Construct:I'll never tell you where my master is you worthless piece of shi ...

[@Pizatep]

@@eggmin8967keep winding and itll cycle through all its lines .

[@Voltboy1449]

​@@Pizatepwe'll be here a while the box says over its got 200 phrase combinations

[@mask938]

Now there's an idea!

[@spookysugar]

My man really tried to "win" d&d with his secret weapon being: 👁️👄👁️

[@jess-da-bomb350]

The doll like eyes actually do 10d20 damage

[@sukkaesooopspoun9466]

@@jess-da-bomb350 as in brain damage?

[@NoBux241]

​@@jess-da-bomb350 10d20 of Mental Damage to everyone, including himself

[@Ike_of_pyke]

​@@NoBux241only himself * rolled a crit failure

[@ryanrydander1595]

​@Ike_of_pyke no, it does it to everyone, just himself first with disadvantage on every damage doe then IF he survives, everyone else is hit, taking 2d4 and the user of doll like eyes is left prone

[@koboldcatgirl]

I choose to believe that "doll-like eyes" means Furby eyes.

[@rafabuda0]

googly eyes

[@LaLloronaVT]

I was thinking beanie baby eyes

[@hadeskingoftheunderworld7010]

Now im scared

[@kelly_seastar]

90's Furby or 2013 Furby?

[@ayajade6683]

@@kelly_seastar 90's first few gens had creepier eyes than current gen furbies. Or they have knock off furby eyes so extra creepy

[@coda_7976]

“He looks at you with his doll-like eyes while being completely silent.” roughly translates to “I’m too lazy and/or stupid to create interesting character dialogue”

[@majorblitz3846]

Safer version: *I ran out of dialogue to use, frankly, i didn't have it at first place. Also i can't decide which reaction should i express.*

[@runtergerutscht4401]

Well it would've been a good reason if he was, like, straight up sheogorath himself in disguise, wishing to drive the Nord and Taz insane, but being drunk I guess and therefore sucking at making people insane

[@Demolition89336]

I had a character in a IRL game of mine, who never said anything in character, for a few sessions. This was because he was mute. Actually one of the best characters I've ever seen. A life of being neglected, and pushed to the side, left him feeling like anything he expressed was simply dumb and not worth saying. So he didn't say anything for about 7-8 sessions, and then only because BBEG killed his dog, who was his only true friend. This was years ago, and I still remember this character.

[@carmanstriker1853]

@@Demolition89336 I'm running a mute now. Born mute, could have been cursed, could be poor genetics, left that in the DMs court. Wizard. Whistles to do verbal components. Originally only really made her mute so I didn't end up as party leader again. I'd been in charge in three of the last four games my group has run. Just sorta ends up that way. Mutes are a lot more fun than I expected. Been a source of hilarity at the table.

[@Johnson-br2lw]

Or you know, he wanted to be edgy and cool

[@user-rx2zp1um2n]

If I ever play an assassin he's gonna have the weirdest stories. "I'm gonna be honest... having to kill someone with a carrot up the nose messed me up"

[@barryallen2240]

Haha

[@shadedias5563]

"Sometimes you have to make do with what you have at hand... lesson learned, spoons are impractical and innefective."

[@MattHew-rq8zw]

"Turns out a ladies corset, isn't as great a killing tool as a table leg... Now, all I have to do is to supply myself with more furnitures... As those things are dangerous!" ~ Barns the deranged improvised killer for hire.

[@Howthetoastcrumbled]

"To be honest i dont know why i want to eat that sand over there so badly" "Water you doing?" while pointing to the river "With my advance training i can turn everything into a weapon, even this sword" -NPC: isnt a sword already a weapon? "DIE" failling to break the sword in half to make an "improvised" dagger so he just ended up stabbing the NPC

[@astralbody13]

"I once killed a man using his own mustache and a grape"

[@sciohermetikum3902]

He's literally a Skyrim Bandit NPC taunting enemys while being battered to death

[@Spartan135]

"You'll make a fine rug,cat!" 2 seconds later:dead

[@GenericUsername-qp1ww]

@@Spartan135 player: *is a werewolf* thief: "hand over your valuables!!" player: *licks lips*

[@MegatronYES]

“He farts at you with his doll-like butt cheeks but it smells as though nothing at all”

[@cajunpeople]

lmfao this is the only comment that made me laugh audibly

[@CritCrab]

Never thought it would come to this, but here I am, at the age of 18, laughing at fart jokes. Shame on you.

[@MegatronYES]

Lol in a game that I DMed (that is actually still going) this asshole of a half-orc fighter found gloves that could grab liquid and gas and one time he used it to grab someone else’s fart and throw it at someone else

[@bobbobson110]

​@@CritCrab I remember being 18. I wanted to show everyone how mature I am. Since my 30s I don't give a crap about that stuff anymore. Back to the fart jokes!

[@dakotasan8719]

Robert Dant That sounds absolutely hilarious

[@thunderdrae7749]

"I should be able to have advantage because i was a slave" Since when are slaves masters of escaping ropes?

[@oddvoid]

If anything, it would be disadvantage

[@johngun4377]

Dark humour, nice

[@johngun4377]

NihilisticEntropy I have several things to say. 1: be glad it wasn’t a tiefling. 2: it’s a fantasy game, racism was pretty damn high back then. 3: slaves aren’t inherently racist, that’s not how it works. 3: you shouldn’t be calling somebody racist when you have “Nihilistic” in your username. Stop taking a dark joke so seriously

[@oddvoid]

@NihilisticEntropy Every race has been a slave at some point in history.

[@itsyaboiChubbs]

Depends, we talking kinky slaves?

[@stupidcommentmaker]

"Albino Dark Elf" and "No Backstory" were the first two big red flags.

[@dragonreiver8929]

"I'm a lore expert!" *Murders civilians as a Morag tong assassin* Sithis: *simultaneously facepalms and laughs*

[@levievil9220]

My character’s backstory is vague but mostly because I can’t think of it all at that point but I still try to get their reason why they wanted to go and adventure my barbarian was drunkenly dared to go to the campaign settings

[@slimjim5745]

@@dragonreiver8929 sheogorath would like to introduce himself

[@ashwolf2006]

@@dragonreiver8929 Even Molag bal and Mehrunes Dagon face palms at Feanor's stupidity.

[@daviddaugherty2816]

​@@ashwolf2006 I'm picturing a full 4-arm facepalm from Mehrunes Dagon

[@armjjb5189]

It's pretty obvious to me that Edgy McSpookyname's "tragic" backstory is that he grew up in a gated community with his rich but supportive parents and just never grew out of his rebellious teenager phase because he could never understand why people laughed at him whenever he told them that they, "Don't understand his pain!" The reason he never shares his backstory is because his "suffering" stems from that time he didn't get an Xbox 360 for Christmas because his parents believed he already spent too much time on his computer.

[@beastwarsFTW]

That sound like a funny character idea.

[@obi-wank-enobi]

I'm stealing this and you can't stop me

[@somegamer4071]

Why did you steal my backstory!? D:

[@ricesandarling594]

permission to use this idea? i will pay u in exposure!!

[@andrejg4136]

As a wrestling fan, this reminds me of Raven in WCW so much.

[@mastanvx]

" THIS IS MY DEEP AND COMPLEX CHARACTER" *Says nothing when addressed and murders indiscriminately* So deep...

[@MasterOfTheBrood]

Inspirational. I haven't seen such character complexity since Disney's Hercules..

[@Huschel1988]

@@MasterOfTheBrood I have never watched Hercules and now I can't tell if he is supposed to be an example of a deep character or the opposite.

[@MasterOfTheBrood]

@@Huschel1988 Lol XD

[@MasterOfTheBrood]

@@Huschel1988 I mean yeah, not a very deep character honestly, very one demensional.

[@r3negadex]

This character is deep! He's 10 miles deep in corpses _at least._

[@motokuchoma]

As someone who is somewhat familiar with TES lore, an "Albino Dark Elf" would need *a lot* of explanation. They aren't dark skinned with glowing red eyes for just biological reasons, Azura actually cursed them to look like this.

[@j.l.6511]

The actual albino elves are the falmer, and an Albino Dark Elf could be half-dunmer-half-falmer But hey, this guy was a complete murderhobo, he wouldn't create some background like that

[@InquisitorThomas]

I mean in Skyrim and Oblivion you can make your Dark Elf pretty pale, maybe not truly albino but I feel you can come close enough.

[@jakb17]

As an albino myself. I would assume an albino dark elf would be ashy grey with white hair. Albinism is literally lack of or total lose if pigment in the body. Nothing special. (Why do edgelords use my condition for their shitty OCs!)

[@trickydiagram5267]

Wouldn't an albino elf just be the Chimer? The original version of the Dark Elves?

[@InquisitorThomas]

Tricky Diagram No, because a Chimer had skin tones similar to High Elves as we can see with Vivec and Amalexia.

[@THEFRISKIESTDINGO]

“There was a rock fall, but it was more than a _miner_ accident!” The guard falls over backward laughing.

[@bluegirrafe17]

You made a guard have more personality than the edgelord Incredible

[@yellobanana6456]

@BlueGirrafe17 not very difficult considering the average edgelord’s personality

[@Person-tz1tk]

@@yellobanana6456 you are absolutely correct.

[@Jakepearl13]

Imagine being able to defeat a guard by making him laugh so hard he bonks his head and gets knocked out

[@morgue.dweller]

I love how quickly this goes from 0 to 100. "Ok guys let's think of a plan!" *Creep immediately stabs guard and goes on a killing spree* "Why did you do that?!" *Creep sprints away into the cave with no explanation*

[@luigiboi4244]

Ravonna: This has to be one of the dumbest Loki variants I've ever seen. Mobius: So it would seem. (insert Feanor stabbing people for no reason)

[@stockimageguy8941]

>Barges in >Stabs guard >Refuses to elaborate >Leaves You just don't understand Creep's character is a sigma male on his grindset

[@theorangegremlin334]

@@luigiboi4244 MOBIUS

[@airplanemaniacgaming7877]

@@theorangegremlin334 It's Mo(r)bin' time.

[@TheDaxter11]

**Kills guard** **Refuses to elaborate further** **Leaves** This guy literally did that meme to the letter.

[@jamesmahon6788]

"He looks at you with his doll-like eyes while being completely silent." Cool alright hey gm I'm pressing my thumbs into his eye sockets and blinding him

[@justanotherglorpsdaymornin5097]

My immediate response is to ask what kind of devilspawn it is and try an exorcism.

[@jamesmahon6788]

@@justanotherglorpsdaymornin5097 nay upon realising it a devilspawn take ul the mantle of sending it screaming (and whining) back to the depths where it should forever fester

[@justanotherglorpsdaymornin5097]

@@jamesmahon6788 Sounds good. I was playing a game a long time ago (Ars Magica I think) and some devil (disguised as a gypsy) made a deal with a family that couldn't have children so they (as refugees because we had accidentally flooded the city of York as we were freeing the river from it's torture) gave birth to some tentacled demon monster in our guild. I created a protection from demons circle (normally used to keep demons out) around us and proceeded to channel God as I beat it way past death and laid a bunch of holy items on it as it couldn't escape to hell from my circle. One of my party members decided it had been tortured enough broke my spell and it escaped to hell (probably with PTSD) where it spread the tale of the psychotic holy wizard knight from Yorkshire (we had very few devil problems after that).

[@jamesmahon6788]

@@justanotherglorpsdaymornin5097 that sounds amazing. Giving father Anderson a run for his momey a bit there

[@justanotherglorpsdaymornin5097]

@@jamesmahon6788 I was quite young at the time and thought that as a crusader knight (who genuinely believed it was holy and not a cashgrab) it was entirely in character. I was also powerdrunk because in my first fight I swung my greatsword at some fae frog dudes that were leaping at me and rolled 1, 1, 18 (in the campaign 1s doubled next rolls 2s were terrible and 20s weren't as amazingly op) turning them into bloody mist. I also went 1v1 with the leader of some bandits that were funded by the local lord, the leader couldn't harm me. I used my charisma to convince the most powerful mage in England to stop doing slavery even though his whole massive guild at stonehenge ran on slavery. My Party prevented the Holy Roman Empire's invasion of England with a fog spell and thousands of commoners banging pots and pans pretending to mearly be the London Guard. We felt invicible.

[@clenchfarthead8047]

this guy's way of playing is literally kids on the playground "i stab you" "you cant stab me, im wearing impenetrable armour!" "fine, i cast a sepll" "you cant cast, i have anti-magic armour!" type of thing, where he makes it up as he goes along

[@CidSilverWing]

"EVERYTHING-PROOF SHIELD!" comes to mind.

[@dard2240]

@@KaijuSpruce "Harsh truth of the real world" is a wapon to surpass them all!

[@utkuayranc3210]

whenever anyone pulled that shit on me I just went "EVERYTHING PIERCING GUN"

[@Kobe379]

lol I messed with a kid one time and kept telling him "I'm to big, you missed"

[@gxtmfa]

The misspelling made this comment better. No sarcasm

[@pepekovallin]

Tez really pulled the "THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD" card, fucking legend

[@kingofcherries4357]

"Albino Dark Elf" I'm such a master of TES lore guys, trust me.

[@Predator20357]

Was it too hard for him to say Falmer?

[@songbird6414]

@@Predator20357 Falmer would have been cooler, too! His entire species was wiped out by another, also now extinct race: there’s your deep and tragic backstory. He would have been raised in caves amongst his people who are little more than animals now - that explains the weird silences and horrible tendencies to try to murder everything! Boom!

[@Predator20357]

@@songbird6414 Yah! My dude could have just a few brain cells to think up something like that

[@faithkurtz1656]

@@songbird6414 though wouldn't he attack the party based on the whole "lived in caves with the Falmer, who were once Snow Elves but were twisted and monstrous now" ? He wouldn't know how to speak, read etc very animalistic nature. Also if he's born to Falmer parents, not Snow Elf, he'd would most likely be blind and visually look like the current Falmer.

[@songbird6414]

@@faithkurtz1656 I mean, he pretty much attacked everybody anyway. I think it fits lmao. Plus, it’s DND. Lines can be pushed a little bit for the sake of the player. I have a Kenku character that, while technically shouldn’t be able to speak, is a freakin poet because she can be.

[@GKiernan01]

"Feanor looks at you with his doll like eyes and does not answer" "Cool. I'm casting vicious mockery" "Alright. What do you say?" "Oh, the silent but deadly type! Well, silent at least."

[@skullman-us7wn]

I would have insulted the player with the eyes. "what kinda doll eyes we talkin here? Cabbage patch? Raggedy ann? Those wierd baby dolls where they open and close depending on the angle you hold em? Buttons? Ooh what about Googly eyes huh? If i throttle your character will they rattle around?" Then you lean in, biggest shit eating grin on your face "Does faenor have lil. lil teensy weensy beany baby eyes?"

[@weaponizedpizza8825]

I wonder how quickly he'd talk if someone said "Ah, social anxiety, understandable."

[@jakoblent4694]

Dude thats vicious massacre

[@alnu8355]

G Dawg...WINS! FLAWLESS...VICTORY!

[@lolbots686]

*supa hot fire meme*

[@andrewparsons2391]

"The thing about an edgelord is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be livin’… ’til he angsts at ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched whinin'."

[@Dreigonix]

I met this 6-year-old child with this blank, pale, emotionless face, and the blackest eyes... the devil’s eyes. I spent 8 years trying to reach him, and then another 7 trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply... evil.

[@justanotherglorpsdaymornin5097]

@@Dreigonix Was his child the dude from Halloween?

[@upsettispaghettivulture]

"...the ocean turns cringy"

[@calebwirt2703]

@@justanotherglorpsdaymornin5097 yeah, that's his psychologist?psychiatrist? Dr. Loomis talking about michael myers

[@johnnysizemore5797]

@Andrew Parsons -- does your D&D main PC happen to look a lot like Quinn from Jaws by any chance? And why do i suddenly hear dramatic instrumental Music?....;D

[@bretsheeley4034]

"He stares at you with his doll-like eyes" So do his lids automatically shut if I tilt his head back?

[@Kyra-qn3nh]

This is the funniest shit I've read today

[@CrashmoreElectricBlue]

"He was a weeaboo of the weird kind" Speaking as a weeb myself, do they have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down?

[@xuan.1611]

Ikr, like what taste is a weird tasta

[@Deadflower20xx]

@@xuan.1611 I'm gonna guess: particularly likes harem anime and owns an overwhelming amount of sexy figures and body pillows and the like. Probably makes "liking Japanese stuff" their entire personality with barely any interests aside from video games that occasionally aren't Japanese. At least that's where I would draw the line and say you're the weird kind of weeb, especially if you're well into your 20s. But who knows how old this guy was lol

[@ricesandarling594]

do they mean the japanese-wannabe? the hentai obsessed? the gatekeeper? the uwu anime gorls!1!? the weeb that uses an anime pfp/anime theme to hide their awful takes?

[@arbee2744]

@@ricesandarling594 OP here:D What I meant was like. He was into A LOT of fetishes which made most of the people at the table uncomfortable. It wasn’t an issue when he was a player, because our GM denied him any chance to pile his unhealthy obsessions into the story. BUT. It became a big problem for the campaign Creep ran himself. Let’s just say that. His DMPCs were underaged girls ripped from some random ass animes. Every grown woman we met had…Male parts. The rabbit hole goes very deep.

[@TheFabledDavid]

@@arbee2744 never understood why some people brazenly insert their fetishes into campaigns that other people are playing. Just sounds like it would be embarrassing to do.

[@brainnowrk]

As a professional in murderhobology, this guy is an embarrassment to all of it.

[@bowchicawowow6343]

NetherKing most murderhobos are an embarrassment.

[@jackmack4181]

NetherKing could you think of a good murderhobo I can only think of a feral Ork (barbarian) who hates people but loves animals. As in if a bbeg had a peasant and chicken as a hostage he would choose the chicken every time to save

[@annabella1650]

You cannot call yourself a murderhobo if you fail most of you murder attempts.

[@destroyerinazuma96]

@@jackmack4181 I recall a few reddit stories where "chill" murderhobos were just roleplaying at the level they were comfortable with but would otherwise not get in the way of the mission. Basically okay assets to the party just a bit boring compared to other (role)players and certainly more useful than "Those Guys".

[@brainnowrk]

@@bowchicawowow6343 debatable.

[@CareerKnight]

"He looks at you with his doll-like eyes while being completely silent." The only thing that could have saved that would have been if his next sentence was "Wait I remembered to tell you my character is mute, right?"

[@xandan1668]

"I wonder what your entrails look like" threw that out the window.

[@Oxygen1004]

@@xandan1668 He thought that so hard he psychically projected that thought into everyone's heads around him

[@taleladar]

@@xandan1668 That would have been even better! Claims his character is mute after he had him say something already. xD

[@silversonome5360]

@@Oxygen1004 "Yeah, I took a pact with an Eldritch entity from beyond our plane because I wanted to talk to my bros. I mean, my soul is scarred for eternity and doomed after my death, but hey, telepathic communication is very convenient!"

[@lfskyden]

I had a Mute Bard in Gurps(yes, if you have absurd enough Skill to compensate the penalty for telling a story being mute you can do it), that was Underage(she was 15), and had far more personality than that guy, her weapon of choice, her Flute, that was made of steel, so her oponents were beaten by a little mute kid with a flute...and it still sounds plausible then "Creep" having an amazing Idea Like yours @CareerKnight

[@MiysteryMisty]

Whenever I hear stories like this, it makes me wonder: "Considering their loner-type personality and obvious desire to be literally anywhere else, what story beats could possibly lead to this guy joining the team?"

[@brianpembrook9164]

Loner: stares at you creepily. (And silently) Team: leaves Loner: follows silently. Team: kills the creepy guy. It really is a stumper isn't?

[@nathanizabeast]

You could make it work, but I think it takes more effort than just lifting the lead character from, basically, any final fantasy game.

[@blackjohn1303]

This never gets old. I still die laughing at the bit where the edgelord literally NPCs himself. 'I wonder what your entrails look like!' *dying on floor*

[@FuelDropforthewin]

"I don't cough!" "Okay, you swallow it then."

[@maxboyden5209]

You know what they say, Spitters are quitters.

[@MsKeylas]

I see what you did there 😂😂😂

[@paulmares9815]

kinky

[@atosm8300]

Why you commited several war crimes in Albania? Edgelord: *looks at the geneva convention with his emotionless doll-like eyes and doesn't say anything*

[@nickelakon5369]

Y-you realize the "geneva convention" isn't a group right?

[@atosm8300]

Hey hey, it's joke

[@nickelakon5369]

@@atosm8300 you can never be too sure.

[@ShibuNub3305]

Geneva Conventions? More like Geneva *_Suggestions!_*

[@Predator20357]

@@ShibuNub3305 too deep for the Albino Dark Elf

[@addicted2mako]

He probably meant for his character to look intimidating or at least disinterested, but whenever he says "doll-like eyes", I picture a dark elf with really big, sad eyes like you just ate every slice of cake before he could have one.

[@Echo_1773]

LOL

[@SpaceMissile]

Pretty sure he's seen the "black like a doll's eyes" scene from Jaws. Grizzled, old captain talking about the shark's lifeless eyes. ...but yeah, it doesn't land here. lol

[@Pipkiablo]

I sat in on a game where a guy was playing like this. He decided to try and kill an important NPC just because he was angry with the other players for not going along with his shit and was trying to dick them over, only to discover the hard way that the NPC was secretly a super powerful eldritch abomination from another dimension disguising herself as a merchant (supposedly this was supposed to be revealed later in the main quest and she would have been a boss fight) and she completely wiped the floor with him. He got angry that no one else came to defend him and one of the other players even cheered the NPC on, so he walked out.

[@KentaroMiyamoto21]

If this guy tried to ruin my campaign, I know just what I'd target first. "Go for the eyes, Boo. Go for the eyes!"

[@CritCrab]

Minsc is thicc

[@spencercox7931]

RRRAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!

[@MegatronYES]

Lol fuck yeah SMASH INJUSTICE

[@matthiaslener2763]

Just create an army of sentient frost trolls.

[@King_Thulsa_Doom]

Ouch, My Doll-like eyes!

[@Mareoandanime]

That... I... How... How can someone be so utterly edgelord about everything and then rage quit when they get repercussions?

[@annabella1650]

Because he thought he was being oh-so mysterious rather than an idiot, because he’s an idiot.

[@ABRAXAS829]

stupid is as stupid does.

[@jebthepleb492]

He probably thought DnD was supposed to be a catharsis for violent and sociopathic tendencies. I speak to all murderhobos when I say DnD isn’t supposed to be murder & looting 24/7, there are tons of roguelike videogames for that

[@nvfury13]

Because edgelords tend to be easily butthurt d-bags. Right up there with the Mary Sue players in whiny entitlement.

[@WorldWalker128]

They grew up writing bad fanfiction that other people with equally-low standards to their fictional entertainment told them was awesome, and now as "adults" they still think that their crappy ideas are good ones. When you grow up being told all your life that you're awesome, it has an actual impact on how you see yourself. To that end, if you have kids, NEVER make a habit of telling them they're perfect. They might just start believing it, and if they do, then when they screw up, they will sincerely believe that it's everyone else' fault. This isn't a joke. This isn't sarcasm. Do. Not. Do. It.

[@iforgot8376]

"He looks at you with his doll-like eyes while being completely silent." ... 'aight where's a priest we need an exorcism up in here.

[@pogggaming4470]

Best way to shut that player down

[@FalcnPWNCH]

the most satisfying part about this story is the fact he miserably fails at his murderhoboism - the guy was clearly just looking for attention and discourse by creating havoc, yet fails at doing the one thing he wanted to do - so he just wasted his own time actively trying to harm the others and ended up digging his own hole deeper - *_this is some real karma if I've ever seen, the RNGesus were on the OP's side_*

[@Lobsterwithinternet]

Anyone else see that his fighter is named ‘THICC’?

[@CritCrab]

THICC BOI

[@cameronhalliday8553]

In co-op, someone should be "Dummy"

[@masonzale9780]

CritCrab And what did it cost?

[@cthulhufhtagn2483]

Critcrab: Talks about mad PC. Me: How does chimera fire cast shadows?

[@theodensuhrie7915]

Yea lol I was just about to comment on that

[@abbygleeson420]

i recommend imagining creep's character as a ken doll

[@CritCrab]

I-

[@ShibuNub3305]

*My poor, aching abdomen*

[@drifterduckygaming4646]

I will pay someone to edit this

[@troyklein6379]

anybody notice that guy in the bottom right corner at 1:31

[@shadowrose8907]

My impression was one of those creepy porcelain dolls that stare at you no matter where you are in the room

[@nickieBurke]

"he looks at you with his doll like eyes and pisses his pants, he seems to be afraid of you"

[@kingdonut8272]

"Hey Creep, what do you have to say?" "He-" "Let me guess, he looks at us with his doll-like eyes and does not say anything." "Actually he stabs you in the throat." "Wait, what?"

[@cheeseyjrdude4751]

10 minutes in, I feel like his "ingenious concept" was him literally just playing as one of his TES characters, silent protagonist, murders NPCs on a whim, no real backstory, the like. He's still a garbage player and could've done the concept a lot better, but that's what Im betting on right now

[@blackdemonknight]

The fact that he wasn't working with the group is a prime example that he isn't a team player, I've never done online D&D roleplaying but if I did I would like to work with the group as best as I can, this guy just wanted to do his own story not the GM's

[@ShudowWolf]

@Cheesyjrdude I could see this but it also means he missed the entire point - Elder Scrolls PCs do still talk (unless he actually just murders everyone w/o talking and lives in eternal bounty, or skips all chances at RP), and his ingenious character design is dumb because he took a SP character into a MP setting and didn't attempt to switch anything or adapt anything at all. Also insert stealth archer joke here. This is still a logical theory and wouldn't surprise me if that's what he was doing.

[@Ezekiel_Allium]

@@ShudowWolf he definitely seems like the type to try and play through an elder scrolls game just trying to kill everyone to fit his genius edgy backstory

[@JVisser1990]

why doesnt quick save and quick load work here?!?!

[@wesleyfilms]

He took the “elder scrolls themed game” a little too literally 😂

[@daniellamie3033]

Craig looks at you with his doll-like eyes and says "get back on the airship."

[@malcadorsigilite6120]

Daniel L'Amie How could you make such a cursed DnD comment?

[@articusramos808]

Can we have the airship cannon malfunction? If it has a cannon or if one of the cargo crates fall due to not being secured by the rope? Please?!

[@shadenox8164]

@@articusramos808 I just head canon that the supposed villain was actually the good guy trying to to kill a group of kidnappers who emotionally abuse their victims for their own amusement.

[@Wampao]

Craig: Oh, you're approaching me? Instead of running away, you're coming right towards me? D-L E: ... Craig: Oh-ho! Then come as close as you'd like!

[@beastwarsFTW]

I like how he tries to sound tough when he's literally being curbstomped.

[@theinternetpolice2078]

he's like an actual skyrim bandit

[@bendystrawz2832]

Ah yes, the ol' "if I don't tell you what I have, you can't tell me I don't have it" method. Works really well for authors. Not so much for RP. The mask bit was hilarious!

[@theramblingexile2498]

The virgin “looks at you with his doll eyes” vs the chad “get thee gone from my gate, thou jail-crow of Mandos!”

[@nickelakon5369]

The chad should of been the jelly bean guys "graceful" death

[@greatbiglummox8431]

The chad g o b l i n

[@ayylmao575]

Absolutely shameful that he copy and pasted his lame OC’s name from one of Tolkien’s characters, and one of the BEST one’s if I might add, what a disgrace.

[@Ale-dd3ek]

Feanor literally said "get off my lawn" to Satan

[@theeshyguy]

“I wonder how your entrails look like” is a meme among my group now, this is amazing.

[@shadenox8164]

My current D&D character whose a professor. "Oh, well surprisingly tiefling entrails are not all that different to human entrails. I can recommend a good book on anatomy with detailed sketches."

[@lachlancole6827]

*multiverse brain*

[@mrosskne]

it's funny because it actually sounds like something a morrowind NPC would say

[@MsKeylas]

@@mrosskne but would he said that while having his head bashed in?

[@mrosskne]

@@MsKeylas Yes

[@ashuraconla2550]

I remember roleplaying as a character that was a life size doll that was possessed with the soul of the daughter of a famous toymaker. She couldn't speak and had a hard time conveying her emotions but she would at least respond with body language, at least of much her doll body would allow. I told everyone who was playing that she couldn't speak so they would know before hand. Her eyes did look empty because, you know, they were actually doll eyes.

[@camdenthompson4307]

the thing that annoyed me the most is that he first said Nothing in his backstory, and then came up with Random aspects about his character saying it was part of his *Nonexistent* Backstory

[@rpgkingx3629]

“You don’t understand my deep characterization!” The perfect evidence that they don’t understand roleplaying.

[@inky5574]

"This character is too deep and complex for you to get!" Bitch please, your character is about as deep as a petri dish and as complex as 1+1.

[@sarafontanini7051]

If you wanted your character to be deep, have them say shit. If you don't have your character talk, then they're boring as shit. At least fi he's gonna be silent, have him do stuff other than murder at random.

[@inky5574]

@@sarafontanini7051 Well the only thing he did say was "I wonder how your entrails look like" and all his actions have been nothing but murdering people so the only characterization from Feanor we understand and get is that he's a psychopath

[@sarafontanini7051]

@@inky5574 precisely my point, and it's not an original or deep characterisation no matter how you slice it. Ladd Russo is a murderous psycho and he's FUN. Feanor here is not. Well, his failures are funny, but not the character hmself.

[@Mgauge]

If you can’t make others understand your character, then you have failed as a writer. This guy just wanted an inane power fantasy where he gets to kill everyone to vent out his personal frustrations.

[@15oClock]

Feanor from Tolkien's Silmarillion looks at this Feanor and says, "You're crazy."

[@hyperion3145]

I cringed when I heard that part.

[@Lord_Numpty]

T'is a sad thing when _Feanor_ looks sane by comparison. The original one, not this angsty wankbucket.

[@vsGoliath96]

Which is saying a lot, cause Tolkien's Feanor was a crazy motherfucker who almost singlehandedly doomed his entire race. But at least he wasn't an albino dark elf.

[@oussamabenkabbou9152]

"I wonder how your entrails look like" says every bandit in Skyrim. And why do I imagine the creep Naruto running each time I hear him running ahead after killing the guard?

[@MysticSybil]

"I've got a dark and tragic past. No I am not going to elaborate."

[@kariissmol9172]

In the Name of Dibella, such a person shall never procreate.

[@redmanrode8349]

True dat

[@VindensSaga]

Even the most edgiest daedra lords rolls their eyes at this.

[@theserpentslair8072]

@@VindensSaga Oh god can you imagine if they had an encounter with a daedra prince? Sheogorath would be best. "Oh! This one's tongue tied! Hey mister elf, who dropped you headfirst into a barrel of flour? HAR hahahaha! No? Tough crowd." Creep: [insert something edgy and grammatically incorrect here] Sheogorath rips out his eyes and giggles while the others look on in horror. "How rude. You know I think this will be an excellent cocktail garnish!"

[@VindensSaga]

@@theserpentslair8072 Creep: Stares without eyes emtionless and says nothing. xD

[@shadenox8164]

@@VindensSaga Azura sighs and curses him so his dick falls off now too.

[@Hrb3968]

“Deep and complex” my behind. Doesnt matter how many pages a book has if its blank

[@WyvernTheLost]

the best response, the only response.

[@samfromsammax2569]

This is actually a really good saying. Imma save it for later

[@michaelramon2411]

Ah, this reminds me of that time the party Barbarian tried to kill my Rogue for demanding that the defeated villain with a "more cash if alive" bounty on his head and useful information about what the hell was going on be turned over to the police rather than summarily executed. I ended up picking up the villain in question (a halfling, fortunately) and ran away with superior move speed until the Barbarian's player ran out of arguments to the GM that we needed to make saving throws to avoid fatigue. Strangely enough, those characters eventually ended up being sort of friends later on. Or at least passable workmates.

[@Amanoob105]

"Tez just starts to make fun of him at this point because it's not possible to take his character serious anymore." (15:26) Wait. Hold up a sec, I think I missed something in this story. When was it possible to take his character seriously in the first place before now?

[@thecakegarden5324]

Last time I was this early, Craig hadn't done anything horrible yet and airship guy still had some dignity left

[@asarishepard8171]

Not the airship, shudder.

[@magermanmcmagerson4933]

@@asarishepard8171 Epstein was the official owner of that airship

[@asarishepard8171]

@@magermanmcmagerson4933 hehehehe

[@shimusume1486]

Gotcha, so you was never early.

[@jonahpalomo1713]

@@shimusume1486 well you're a walking napalm cause that's an *EPIC BURN*

[@tmage23]

16:50 GM was being very very nice. I would have had him swallow it and start making poison saves.

[@Naeron66]

My immediate thought was natural 1, poison, open cuts from being repeatedly kicked in the face.. . POISON SAVE

[@lorekeeper685]

Acid saves too

[@Nymphonomicon]

I would have had the guard threaten to make him eat 'those doll-like eyes' when he emerged from the armoury.

[@robrockstar9648]

Would have had the guard kill him as a lesson in cause and effect

[@JadeAnnabelArt]

Nat ones do tend to be life and death type stuff, in our campaigns you have to roll a d6 to see what happens, whether your weapon goes flying out of your hand, whether you break your weapon, stab an ally, yourself, etc. The GM was VERY generous here.

[@darce3781]

In one of my first d&d campaigns we had a guy join in two sessions late, the dm decided to write him in as a captive we had to free to proceed. After freeing him this elven rogue immediately tried to kill the rest of the party, he killed one, who started rolling death saves. Well after neutralising the rogue, he then tried to do the same thing 3 OTHER TIMES, never succeeding and completely derailing the campaign each time. Eventually we all had enough and the Dm kicked him out and the campaign was finally good

[@pogggaming4470]

What happens to his character afterwards?

[@beastwarsFTW]

I had a character with "emotionless doll like eyes" once. He was literally a robot that posed as a man so the eyes were meant as a clue that he wasn't human, its hard to hide eyes if you still want to see.

[@Lazysupermutant]

I have to admit the thought of a Nord and a dunmer being total Bros with their argonian buddy just kind of warms my heart. like the races that in lore hate each others guts are just being f****** pals makes me super happy

[@derrinerrow4369]

This was the beggining for the EbonHeart Pact

[@Elijah-qp5nh]

FOR THE PACT!!!

[@Mortablunt]

In Skyrim lore they hate each other. In Morrowind, the Dunmer enslave the Argonians. However, in Oblivion and Daggerfall, they don't hate each other.

[@vestige1671]

Ebonheart Pact ftw.

[@wavydre8547]

@@Mortablunt interesting. So they were slaves, then weren’t and were instead pretty happy to not be slaves and then a few hundred years later decided to be pretty pissed about it?

[@mylifeisacomplexpastiche7901]

"Albino Dark Elf" ... But... It's a curse, not melanin...

[@Albertosn3]

It seems he cured his curse at the cost of all sense of social interactions and consequences.

[@Chance57]

What vector does the curse work through?

[@mylifeisacomplexpastiche7901]

Corey Kinard Even if the curse just somehow morphed their melanin, it's still a curse, not a natural occurrence. So the question still remains, how the fuck did they lift the curse??

[@Chance57]

@@mylifeisacomplexpastiche7901 that's cause for quite the backstory, is it not? Some chosen one, one in a billion shit, no? Simply being disaffected by a curse the rest of your kind carries even if it confers nothing else could lead to an interesting upbringing. We know the Gods aren't at all infallible or all powerful, a 'glitch' could occur. Why such resilience to even entertaining the idea? I'm sure you're creative or smart enough to think of something even if the guy who made the character did not.

[@Isabelle-xp9vm]

@Demiclea ...This campaign is taking place in Morrowind over 200 years before the events of Skyrim. Nords weren't racist against elves. Individual people or organizations, yes. But the entire people, no. There are actually many Nords that live with Elves in every province, especially in Morrowind. And most people don't hate orcs within the The Elder Scrolls. Most orcs keep to themselves in tribes and rarely interact with the outside world. The ones that do can become very phenomenal people. Throughout Tamriel history, they've been known for their brilliance in combat as heavy infantry and have never really been discriminated against on a large-scale. The most talented chef in the Empire during the story of Skyrim was an orc.

[@barrydalton4743]

He behaves more like a Dark Brotherhood than a Morag Tong, and even then the assassins are much more sophisticated than this guy

[@FantasyFighterJEN]

I played a "psychopath" once in one game but everyone in the group knew my backstory and I gradually built up to it. I didn't start the game stabbing every person I saw! And more importantly the whole group had fun with the idea.

[@psv2]

*stares at this video with doll-life eyes, staying silent*

[@xandan1668]

Make a constitution save

[@torreka1813]

I rolled a 15.

[@anonguy772]

*presses thumbs into your eye-sockets* Oh wait you're not Creep, sorry. (Haha bad reference to other comment go brrrr)

[@Dahaka-rd6tw]

@@anonguy772 "Vicious mockery" Ok Furby.

[@theserpentslair8072]

The name of the edgelord made me roll my eyes but him claiming to be Morag Tong made me die a little inside.

[@ArawnNox]

As I was listening to this I was thinking, "Okay, if he wants to be an assassin we can make him Morag Tong and build from there." I would have tried to build the character with him, but it's clear that he had no interest in sharing his backstory so he could make it up as he went. Or he had a vague idea in his head (Seriously, why are these trained killers always former slaves?) and didnt want to put in the effort.

[@annabella1650]

@ArawnNox Because they’re trying to be edgy without being evil, because that’s just going too far for them.

[@annabella1650]

@Lamia Hypnosia Yea pretty sure the Morag Tong have higher standards than that.

[@Knightwolf1994]

@@annabella1650 Because murdering miners and guards who are just doing their jobs makes Not Important over there a fine upstanding citizen.

[@annabella1650]

@Knightwolf1994 I was making a point of how freaking edgy and outright stupid the character was, nothing to do with morality. As in I’m pretty sure any assassin good wouldn’t want someone who acted like a moron, at least to the extent the “Albino” dark elf did.

[@Mario87456]

This story is hilarious especially since the leather mask excuse just cracks me up. (17:54)

[@wishuponamonkeyspaw2458]

"You just went full s'wit. Never go full s'wit."

[@marekadams6956]

"They promised us an official crab summon..." please tell me it has a higher chance to crit.

[@CritCrab]

PLEASE

[@ArchonSeachmall]

"He looks at you with his doll-like eyes while being completely silent." Cool, always wondered how a Dwemer Construct in a flesh suit would look like... pretty lame it seems...

[@jackmack4181]

“I put a cauldron over his head”

[@TheGuardDuck]

"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

[@Mortablunt]

"He looks at you with his doll-like eyes" ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL was that supposed to be badass, because all I can think of is a baby doll.

[@ArchonSeachmall]

@@Mortablunt I think the idiot thought sociopaths are gritty, dark and kewl.

[@WhatIsThatThingDoing]

Doll-like eyes... I wonder... Does he even ever use them? Would he miss them if he... lost... them?

[@BadassHater1]

Edgelord: "I know the Elder Scrolls lore better than anyone else" Also Edgelord: *as a member of Morag Tong kills alot of people for no good reason and refuses to give any backstory to his basic-bitch character* Something tells me that this guy never played Morrowind any other way but "mass-mudering murderhobo doing a speedrun"

[@vexxama]

“You don’t understand how deep and complex my character is” Refuses to come up with a backstory, lifts the name from somewhere else, doesn’t engage in any dialogue, tries to kill everything that moves regardless of their mission

[@ZenDeeby]

“I wonder what your entrails look like” He says as he’s kicked repeatedly in the face. I mean, I understand his concept. He’s playing his character like they’re an actual elder scrolls game protagonist. If he were actually a skilled RPer then Creep’s idea would be interesting, but we all know how it turned out.

[@ninjabluefyre3815]

Personally, I try to vary up how I play Skyrim so I don't fall into the "kill everyone" player all the bloody time.

[@MsKeylas]

He was kicked in the face with not just a boot,but a metal boot. But yeah,hearing this moment I burst roared laughing .

[@totallynotamimic4443]

Your profile pic and name tell me you are a man of culture

[@godricktheminecrafted3113]

“You like the sight of your own blood?” *chainsaw carved smiley face into spine*

[@solaris4022]

@@ninjabluefyre3815 It always ends up in the "kill everyone" player though- you can't resist it. Like stealth-archer.

[@MLPTechnoColt]

I believe Creep's parents rolled a natural 1 at the time of his conception.

[@LeFisheboi]

Vicious massacre

[@azuredragoon2054]

Nope. The Nat 1 was on the Condom's Constitution check.

[@sintheemptyone8108]

They rolled 4 Nat 1s, the first two at the times mentioned by OP and AD, the third one at parenting and the fourth one during his puberty years. Oh, and 5th Nat 1 if the mother just decided the man she had "wasn't good enough for him" and forced him to do a magic trick called the Disappearing Act so she could suck the testicles of de _bad bois._

[@thunderflare59]

Nah, his dad rolled a nat 20 against the DC of the condum.

[@BAM_Deadstroke]

"Shouldn't you make a edgy doll-like eyes check" has my dying

[@Andi_Frost_XPR0PR18]

I'm pretty sure he was trying to "remain silent" without realizing that this was little more than a dark brotherhood in-joke, that doesn't lend anything to an immersive, fun, ttrpg experience.

[@uilsoum875]

25 minute CritCrab: Everyone liked that

[@matthewa.whiting719]

"Ah, that's hot"

[@gamemaniac2013]

I'm unhappy he didn't link the source. Anyone got it btw?

[@caiuswickersham]

Dr. Granola: Here you are: www.reddit.com/r/CritCrab/comments/e7jubz/a_guy_that_rage_quits_three_times_in_one_session/

[@ghostcompanion2099]

The party will remember this for a long time.

[@darklordforte8731]

Oh my God, I think I figured out what he was trying to go for. He was probably playing out a Dark Brotherhood Listener, either thinking the Morag Tong is the same thing, or trying to set them up. Problem is that the Dark Brotherhood would probably kill him for even having the tattoo, among other things.

[@5223142]

I don’t think that’s how being a Listener works. Sounds like Creep was someone who wanted to justify his murdering habits by claiming to be part of an organization known for assassinating, utterly ignoring that even they don’t go around killing anyone they want

[@theenderdestruction2362]

The dragonborn would kick thier ass ten ways to Sunday

[@genxmonk2669]

Sounds like Creep was one of those "it's what my character would do" guys

[@YTNFSCC]

"I SPIT THE NEEDLE AT HIM" *rolls nat 1* "You accidently swallow the needle, it punctures your gastric tube and multiple points and gets stuck halfway through. You feel gutwrenching pain and fall unconscious"

[@lazwardazure716]

12:05 damn this guards kind of a badass not gonna lie

[@LimitBreakZero]

It's a guard in Elder Scrolls. Of course he's a badass.

[@Jmdupire]

Stop! You’ve violated the law! Pay the court a fine or Serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfiet.

[@xandan1668]

THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!

[@DerUbermonke]

The Doot Chaplain > Resist Arrest

[@inky5574]

I like to think it's the guard who Creep first saw in the tunnels and he ran into the armory to better prep himself with badass armor. Like Ripley running out of the room to get the exo-suit so she can fight the Xenomorph queen in Aliens

[@dagonofthedepths]

Honestly if someone tried to spit a poison needle at someone and they rolled a nat 1 I would have made them swallow it, rolled attack on themselves and if it hit dealt the needle dmg + poison. Feel like that's fair given the situation.

[@Mortablunt]

I normally don't like critical failures because it's unfairly punishing people with something out of their control, but for this asshole, I'd do it and laugh.

[@wavydre8547]

I was actually expecting them to have accidentally pricked themself in the lip, thus at least poisoning themself if not straight up dying since instadeath poison is clearly what they were intending to use it for.

[@bluevern904]

"I wonder how your entrails look like" -Possibly a Bandit when attacking the Dragonborn

[@joevanyrosa926]

I keep rewatching these videos cause they’re all so interesting and astonishing, KEEP IT UP CRAB KING

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

If I were at this table, I would have one question for Mr. Creepy McCreeperton: "Why are you here? You obviously don't want to play D&D, you clearly either don't know or don't care anything about Elder Scrolls, so what are you doing here?"

[@Dafuqinator7]

"He looks at you with his dOlL-LikE eyes and is completely silent."

[@Rodrigo_Vega]

What I don't get is why they just don't kill him. Outside some ridiculous metagaming from knowing he is a PC, if some weirdo you don't know does nothing but try to kill everyone around them and actively attacks you or your friends, you would naturally strike them dead. Why does the barbarian try to knock him down with the handle of his axe? why does a guard whose job is to fight and if needed kill threats try to restrain him and talk sense into him after he tried to kill him like the guy from The Shining? Anyone in their sane mind would act with full deadly force like they would with any deranged cultist NPC that looks and acts just like him.

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

@@Rodrigo_Vega Ya know, when he attacked the first guard, I found myself thinking 'next time this is gonna be PvP, the other PCs siding with the guards to give this creep what-for'. I'm honestly a little disappointed that didn't happen.

[@josephallen5976]

@@notoriouswhitemoth I am by no means saying that this is why, but they started as a group being hired by the one employer ( minus op who came later ) so thats probably why they didn't just take him out the first go around.

[@josephallen5976]

@@Rodrigo_Vega again not my group or table so speculating here but I imagine it probably went like this: scene is employers office. Group does a round of hellos and get told youre going on unofficial secret mission. Dont kill anybody, dont do anything to call attentjon to yourselves. You get to the job site and somebody the equivalent of Bob from accounting in your group immediately stabs somebody. Youd be dumbstruck for a minute. In that minute the police start trying to tase you cause you showed up in a group. You fight them off and hide in the mine and try to catch Bob for answers.

[@tnick123]

I swear I can here "Its not a phase mom!" Coming from an Asylum.

[@grindcoreninja6527]

I had a chaotic evil PC in a game I was a part of and he played the role so hilariously and perfect that I gained a whole new level of respect for those who can pull it off. He wasn't out to burn the world or be a murder hobo, he just saw all npcs as expendable items for whatever goal we were trying to achieve. At one point he got into the head of a homeless npc with a family and told him to make a scouting run to our next objective and back and give us Intel. The trip was three days all together. Unfortunately, he specified that he make no stops and was as quick as possible, so the DM said "so he'll be running nonstop for three days"? To which the player responded "ehhh I'll give him some water, he'll be fine". The dice were not in his favor, the npc nearly returned after dragging his legless body for a day than dying. The chaotic players response. "Hmmmm, well that's not what I wanted". In a tone that reminded me of Roger Smith from American Dad. When asked if he'd toss a few coins to his widow and child he replied with. "But yeah, I'm sort of saving right now and.....I need some boots". And walked away. I laughed my ass of than tossed them a few GP. That's how you play chaotic evil, not like an edge lord, but like a selfish piece of shit.

[@ArctheDark]

*looks at everyone with his doll-like eyes instead of adding anything of substance to the comments section*

[@vl4913]

"One edgelord to rule them all" I can't with you, CritCrab! lol

[@liamdalemon1525]

why do edge lords sound like they are constantly choking? you would think that they would sound more like batman or something but apparently not

[@qty1315]

"The consequences are much worse than just a miner accident." Blimey, I just got that joke.

[@ulvemann43]

Always a good story to come back to and re-listen to

[@daviddaugherty2816]

"He looks at you with his doll-like eyes and says nothing. Also thinks nothing. And feels nothing. Look how complex my character is. There's literally nothing there."

[@vahlok1426]

His name, was Not Important...

[@lordjor96]

He have just stare at you with the doll like eyes... By the way, why doll-like eyes?. Is that suppose to be creppy our what?

[@vahlok1426]

@@lordjor96 It's just typical edgelord talk. I had someone try that with me before, just staring all "menacingly" at NPCs and enemies. Eventually when I had a guard threaten to cut them out he pulled what this chode did. Thankfully all the other PCs were in other parts of the city. Edgelord died and stormed off never to be seen again. Good times.

[@AzureKyle]

Ah yes, the ever infamous Not of the house Important.

[@starbird3939]

lordjor96 There is this idea that you can tell a person’s character by their eyes. Bad people tend to have... lifeless eyes. Sometimes you’ll hear someone describe someone else with “Their smile never reaches their eyes” or something like that. I don’t like looking at people in the eyes so I don’t notice it.

[@spapsthespycrab718]

So is his backstory.

[@DrJay-vd9tf]

"You guys just don't understand my character!" Literally tells nothing about his character and makes shit up just because it's convenient at that moment.

[@kurookami2579]

Okay, I'm playing a Teifling assassin in my current campaign (I know the class is called Rogue, but the sub-class is assassin). And listening to this killed me. Because as a assassin (for my character at least), she takes contracts, generally from a guild of sorts or perhaps a suspicious meeting in a dim tavern, then she goes and kills her target, and turns her contract in. Is she edgy? Yes, certainly. In fact, one of her first kills in the campaign was twisting a dagger into a guys throat while saying "parish" in Infernal. But she doesn't just go on murder sprees for fun, and she certainly doesn't kill other PC's (despite the fact that the whole reason she now travels with them is because one has a contract on his head, but they were childhood friends so Vale made an exception for this)

[@bobbodaskank]

"no, you're asleep. We laid you on your back, and doll eyes close when you tip them backward."

[@benreece7640]

That edgelord guy is a classic narcissist. A bit slow, zero empathy, and murderous intent.

[@ThePastaBolognese]

The moment I heard "albino dark elf" I knew this was gonna be a bumpy ride

[@tsubakiofmelancholy6297]

I just wonder, wtf was Edgy even trying to do? Like he just wanted to kill every human, but ignore the monsters? My guess, he thought he was supposed to be the evil guy.