EFAP

[@redbigun]

Fringy did make a good point, though. People are way more critical and honest about Sony movies than the MCU. If anyone applied the standards they had for Madame Web to The Marvels, Film Twitter would eat them alive.

[@MegaSpideyman]

Why do you think they're more honest?

[@Miyuki2319]

@@MegaSpideyman Sony doesn't pay as much for English-speaking bots to defend their stuff.

[@nont18411]

Who cares what those in twitter think? Thanks to twitter, the Hollywood got into this abysmal era in the first place.

[@redbigun]

@@MegaSpideyman A few factors. Sony movies are safe to criticize due to its unpopularity. MCU movies and shows have rabid fanbase (an IGN critic was removed from reviewing Loki season 1 because the fanbase lost their minds over a low score he gave one of the episodes).

[@samwallaceart288]

Honestly I prefer Sony though because the second one of their movies gets good reviews (Spiderverse, Surf's Up) you know for a fact it's _actually_ good.

[@atomicdancer]

"With great spiders, comes great researching in the Amazon right before you die." - Uncle Benbo Baggins

[@Penttipistooli]

"When you take on the responsibility, great power will come" sounds like a line you could find in a bootleg spiderman vhs from early 2000's.

[@mordirit8727]

Instead it's a line you can find on a bootleg spiderman cinema release from the early to mid 2020's

[@SaiDeLaRai]

something something they're the same picture

[@s.p.1434]

The core problem of Madame Web remains the same as every other recent horrible movie: they keep hiring sociopathic narcissists to write the films, and then are baffled when said people who are literally devoid of human empathy can't write relatable characters.

[@joshuabuckle1216]

It's crazy how the writers can go from bomb to bomb and still get high profile work with budgets in the 10s of millions.

[@yagamifire7861]

The revelation of how many sociopaths and narcissists are out there has been mind blowing over the last 5-10 years

[@josephkerrigan733]

@@joshuabuckle1216 Reminds me of certain football managers. Come in - Do an awful job - Get sacked - Get another high paying job - Do an awful job..etc. Rinse & Repeat.

[@Goddamnitiwantaname]

All this movie reminds me of is that if the political climate was different we'd have a Power Girl/Supergirl movie staring Sydney Sweeney.

[@Bonesawisready926]

Power girl, we all know why.

[@FairyFarron]

Indeed. I'd watch a Power Girl movie....even if it's bad.

[@samzilla567]

I'd kill for a Power Girl film, but it has to be made by Michael Bay. He wouldn't bother adding in the annoying woke shit that plagues every female superhero now, and just make a brain dead superhero film with big tits and action and it'd make a billion bucks.

[@dean_l33]

@@FairyFarron Didn't we get that one really bad super girl tv show already?

[@jasond130]

In the 90s we would have, and it would have been awesome.

[@jodanger37]

If I was an EMT and a kid gave me a drawing thanking me for saving his family, I would cherish it, and hang it somewhere where I’d constantly see it, and remind me why I do the job I do. The movie could even use it as a motif, reminding madame web why she does what she does. Nah just be a dick ig

[@brandonvallier4214]

That's becaue the creators are actual sociopaths and have only a minor grasp of empathetic thinking that's basic for the vast majority of humanity...

[@HerohammerStudios]

I'll never understand the choices made in this 'film'

[@casparlove905]

And if you didn't want to have it in for that role you could have a line or two in the same amount of time for her to say to Ben afterwards "You take it, I know you like these, and the rest of your family'll get a kick out of it when they visit next." Establishing more character in line with what I suspect the writers wanted

[@GenesisBoi]

​@LonerlRelnolyes. A lot of guys hold compliments in their minds because it makes them happy. Imagine a kid giving you a thank you drawing for all the work you put. I would frame that.

[@coyoteone6197]

Not only that, but if you were someone with a huge sense of loss from not knowing your own mother, a child's gratitude for saving them from that fate would probably have some effect, no? Unfortunately, psychopathic solipsism is equivalent to "quirky lol" these days.

[@Bloodlust1138]

“My Mom was in the Amazon rainforest researching cranberries right before she died.”

[@j-starchaser]

Dying for her cranberry research is the only thing that brought her joy

[@goufr3540]

Thus is how Madame Cranberry was born, and used the cranberries to tell the future.

[@nont18411]

You forgot the part that she went to Amazon forest by the broken helicopter

[@AimlessSavant]

I grew up surrounded by cranberries..

[@SumDumGy]

Cranberries are distasteful...to me.

[@amanpingle1497]

Just for context, Last Wish is a sequel to an average spinoff of a popular series. But the writers went hard because they had an idea on how to make Puss's story awesome. Madame Web, with all it's awkward placement and circumstances, could have been good. It just isn't coz these people don't care.

[@jeremyusreevu237]

Nah, it was never going to be good. It was always going to be generic superhero garbage.

[@samwallaceart288]

Yeah and just within the superhero genre, GOTG could've been godawful but Gunn decided to go hard

[@morganseppy5180]

You bring up a salient point about _Last Wish_ about sequel of a spinoff taking a simple premise and succeeding. Proves what is still possible.

[@hope-cat4894]

​@@morganseppy5180The Lego Movie is also a good example of this. They could have not cared and made a cash-grab for a movie that is basically a giant product placement. Instead we got a good story, creative jokes with the lego pieces, funny humor, a catchy ear worm song, and it inspired other lego movies. No premise is too dumb if you put enough heart, effort, and skill into it.

[@samzilla567]

Everyone cooked with that movie. The animators, writers, voice acting, music etc. Last Wish is what happens when everyone shows up to work. To actually put their heart into a product and want to be proud of it.

[@stingerredshock3418]

The only redeemable thing about this movie is that it proved Jay right in EFAP 19

[@jujuteuxOfficial]

What one specifically?

[@SpectreBagels]

What did she say?

[@KamiAnimeS1]

??

[@nmr7203]

Spiders can infact see the future.

[@FinalderXII]

Wow... The spiders knew all along.

[@JulianDoe]

Timestamps 0:00 Cranberry Juice 1:30 Today’s Sponsor 2:30 !!!!!! 3:57 Interviews & Marketing 1:09:40 Listen Before I Go 1:21:25 100 Years 1:24:04 1973 1:46:12 2003 1:53:52 Paramedics 1:59:42 Antisocial 2:03:35 May & Peter 2:09:19 Back Home 2:20:00 No Time To Die 2:27:20 My Future 2:37:20 Spider-Wiki 2:43:57 Premonition & Poisoning 2:48:54 Pepsi 2:55:10 Baby Shower 3:08:00 The Ambulance 3:13:13 NSA Technology 3:25:46 The Crash 3:29:34 The Bird & The Funeral 3:32:16 All the Good Girls Go to Hell 3:47:55 Characterisations & Stereotypes 3:53:39 The Radio Report 4:01:31 New Jersey’s Forest 4:07:56 Coincidences & Exposition 4:12:22 Spider-Books 4:15:52 Jokes 4:18:00 Wonderfully Awful 4:19:00 Hostages 4:28:51 Licenses Plates 4:30:29 When The Party’s Over 4:36:24 Informations 4:37:38 The Plan 4:41:44 The InterWeb (1) 4:44:05 Poison & CPR (1) 4:45:53 Goodbye Dark Hour 4:49:20 The InterWeb (2) 4:52:04 Poison & CPR (1) 4:53:47 The Character 4:58:57 Ben 5:02:50 Going to the shaman 5:09:00 What Was I Made For? 5:13:44 Not My Responsibility 5:17:19 The Writers 5:19:38 Your Power 5:24:24 A Bizzarre Plot 5:26:20 Bad Guy 5:32:38 Scorsese Watches Madam Web 5:34:14 They Kinda Forgot 5:38:33 Kleptomania 5:41:54 Seatbelts 5:43:37 Another Crash 5:49:12 Back To The Fireworks Warehouse 5:51:51 The Biden Moment 5:56:00 Air Support, Plan & Trust 6:00:13 The Fireworks 6:05:44 A Funny Bad Movie 6:08:22 Bad Guy With Funny Dialogues 6:12:48 WebEcho 6:16:34 The Pepsi Sign 6:23:23 Death Of Captain Marvel 6:23:57 The Fall Of Madame Web 6:26:24 A Big Payoff 6:28:05 Birth Of ...... Parker 6:33:47 The Web Family 6:35:45 Conclusions 6:41:14 Memes 6:46:55 JLongbone 6:49:22 Closing

[@Avarn388]

Thank you as always. :)

[@MegaSpideyman]

Legend, you are.

[@JulianDoe]

@@Avarn388 you're welcome as always

[@JulianDoe]

@@MegaSpideyman I'm quite sure I'm real

[@Ceyx000]

You Sir, are a Web among men.

[@HalbdaemonKite]

04:10:05 That reminds me of that joke comic someone made of all the multiverse Spider-Mans meeting up and one is dressed as a Gecko, because he didn't know he'd been bitten by a spider.

[@shaynethomas8880]

They went into production & filming under the original 'Ezekiel is trying to kill peter Parker's mom before she gives birth' storyline (hence all the desperate ADR) which means they probably told Dakota this movie is for sure going to be in the MCU, which means she probably took some of her payment off the back end, which means they had to release something or she'd be able to demand payment from the studio anyway if the movie was scrapped, which is why she fired her representation because they were the ones assuring her it was going to be an MCU film.

[@TheEducator89]

Its a nice theory. Anyone got any evidence (other than circumstantial) to flesh this out?

[@shaynethomas8880]

@@TheEducator89 yes please. It's definitely just a theory but I'm dying to find out more detail that corroborates or defuncts this

[@GenesisBoi]

​@@shaynethomas8880at this point i wouldn't be surprised if that was the case

[@zigzag1630]

Only problem with this theory's logic is the idea that she accepted a lower paycheck for doing Marvel. Any actor that's even halfway to a household name is asking for more money to work on anything to do with Disney. Wish we could test this theory, oh well, maybe we'll get vindication when Dakota's NDA expires. 🤷‍♂️

[@shaynethomas8880]

@@zigzag1630 true, but could be why she was so mad at her agency because they convinced her to "play the long game" or something silly like that.

[@MrJentu]

Everyone can name the three Tom Holland Spider-Man movies. “Spider-Man: A New Hope.” “2 Spider 2 Man.” And “Spider-Man and The Man With The Golden Gun.”

[@TheEducator89]

I prefer the three Tom Hollander Spiderman films: Spiderman of the Caribbean, Rev. Spiderman, and, The Spiderman's Man.

[@MrJentu]

@@TheEducator89 Ahh yes. Not to be confused with the Toby ones. "Spider-Man: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes," Spider-Man 2: Judgement Day," and "Spider-Man and Dumber."

[@SolarDragon007]

A Fistful of Spider-Man, 12 Angry Spider-Mans, and The Spider-Man who Loved Me.

[@wytho3751]

“Corporate memes; they belong in Hell” -Mauler, 2024 True wisdom from the Long Sage.

[@valentinegonsalves7322]

Actually, he said it in 2022, when The Boys Season 2 aired.

[@mordirit8727]

We're reaching levels of Brand that even the spider crab can't Silence =/

[@Gaizure]

TikTok was already a mistake but billion dollar companies making “memes” for it is really a sign of the times.

[@BirdsElopeWithTheSun09]

Corporate memes are like movies that try to be "so bad it's good" on purpose.

[@colten53]

The next time someone in Hollywood lectures the audience on something we need to do better at, kindly remind them that somebody paid a fortune to make a Madame Web helicopter rather than donating to cancer research or ending world hunger

[@samwallaceart288]

A Madame Web sponsored spider antivenom would go hard

[@ashblossomandjoyoussprung.9917]

Remember that 50 Reasons We Still Love Hollywood article?

[@SumDumGy]

@@ashblossomandjoyoussprung.9917Never heard of it.

[@CMCAdvanced]

just buying a bunch of poor people bus passes would do wonders alone!

[@Longshanks1690]

Coming soon… Spider-Man: There He Is! Starring Erik Estrada.

[@atomicdancer]

"That kid kicked Sandman in Cool Cat's face!"

[@CharlesUrban]

Don't forget the sequel starring Vin Diesel--2 Spider 2 Man.

[@HerohammerStudios]

Good reference

[@ashblossomandjoyoussprung.9917]

Spider-Man: 2021. Starring Erik Estrada.

[@CMCAdvanced]

It's especially funny when you realize that looking up the names for the movies is a google search away and that people these days are known for never being too far from a cell phone and in fact, spend a lot of time on them!

[@vaclavhejtmanec3320]

I loved the part when the bad guy said "I am all the Webs", but Madame Web said "and I am all the Madames". Then he drank a Pepsi and died. Such a powerful moment. I still have goosebumps.

[@Aidan_2099]

Fun fact, Ezekiel is the first Marvel villain to speak entirely in ADR

[@TaoScribble]

Correction: Entirely in _bad_ ADR. Or does Darth Vader not count and I'm thinking of something else?

[@Aidan_2099]

@@TaoScribble I think you're right, Maul too. Unless that's just dubbing instead of ADR? I just feel like ADR has more of a negative connotation.

[@samzilla567]

Are you forgetting about Betty from Kung Pow?

[@Aidan_2099]

@@samzilla567 Why didn't I just say Marvel villain 💀

[@harbl99]

This comment thread had more character development and resolution of carefully established character challenges than the _Mrs Wubb_ movie. 10/10

[@dadocta5168]

I can't wait until the next episode where they review Chris Stuckmann's "talk" video on Madame Web. Even AngryJoe took stand against him.

[@ghostprojekt]

When even AngryJoe can take jabs at you then you know you're at the bottom.

[@cyrus2395]

What did he say? Apart from nothing, that's a given

[@Fenris86]

My favorite part of that video was him saying "It's stuckmanning time!" and got stuck saying nothing remotely useful.

[@MegaSpideyman]

Ah, feck, I was hoping they'd cover that here. It's too good not to.

[@TaoScribble]

​@@cyrus2395 Essentially that he's not going to review it because 'a lot of people worked really hard on it' but it's bad because of the studio. And also that he's only going to "review" movies that he enjoys because he doesn't want to be negative.

[@edgythehedgy6661]

Hollywood must be becoming the new way to launder money like modern art. There’s no way you can be this incompetent on accident.

[@samwallaceart288]

It's like Miles Morales getting his test 100% wrong on purpose

[@dodojesus4529]

Money laundering/nepotism. Its probably a lot of both+incompetence

[@42ndguardian]

Hollywood started as money laundering for the mob. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.

[@ashblossomandjoyoussprung.9917]

Anyone remember Castle? There's a good scene there where the guy destroys Castle's phone to stop them from being tracked. "No, don't! Dammit, you always destroy the whole phone. You could just take the SIM card out."

[@GenesisBoi]

This reminds me of a scenefrom a john cena movie where the bad guy calls them and theyre trying to track him but after the phone call he immediately takes out the sim card and switches it for a new one

[@DJPhenix65]

Let this sink in…She was in three Fifty Shades of Grey movies, and it took Madame Web to get Dakota Johnson to fire her agent. This woman has seriously suspect judgement.

[@nickkiller-0710]

tbf Fifty Shades of Grey made a ton of money

[@akashajones6079]

The extremely successful movies? Yeah, terrible agent...

[@TheEducator89]

Really? Fiee an agent who got her a role aged just 24 to star in a trilogy of movies that made $1.4bn at the box office (against just $150m budget). Bold choice.

[@jlev1028]

​@danielgraham4992 Those movies should've not made that much money. They're hack pieces based on terrible books written by a hack.

[@DJPhenix65]

So the logic is if Madame Webb grossed a billion, it was a good script to say yes to? 🥴 making money (or not) after the fact, does not make it a good decision when your agent brings you a script like this. DJ thought she had another quick cash cow and got screwed so she fired her agent… like I said, suspect judgement.

[@jarredsjoberg2132]

I am 100% convinced that the "He was with my mom in the forest" line is AI generated. I work with text-to-speech software, and you can clone a voice pretty well. the line is flat, doesn't sound like the other dialogue, and it seems like Dakota doesn't remember it.

[@fallous]

Cranberry Red's powers will obviously be that she's impervious to urinary tract infections.

[@EmptyAltruism]

Team up with “mintberry crunch” is imminent…

[@akashajones6079]

Unironically a great power...

[@crocadillius6418]

😂😂😂

[@AimlessSavant]

EFAP has come full circle. The spiders foretold of the one, Madame Flop

[@shamboholic]

If only Dakota Johnson had spoken with Jeremy Irons instead about what to do when you find yourself in a hot mess film. Just become an actual cartoon character. FROM THE SKYYYYY

[@fr0ck360]

I never understand how Madame Web writer barely improve his writing since Morbius. Out of all movie flops they wrote, I personally enjoy Dracula Untold the most (lowest bar). It’s insane how consequences are so lacking that you can get away as a writer

[@JoshuaKevinPerry]

he's writing terribly to supplant Prequel memes. I just want to tell him Don't Try It

[@sugartoothYT]

Ahh, Dracula Untold... Take one of the most iconic villains and have them never be a villain... Truely t'was the only way.

[@hiiruss7423]

If your writing is garbage but you still get jobs then there is no need to improve

[@a.r.mproductions5616]

Dracula untold is a guilty pleasure for my mom and me. Sure it’s goofy at times but we thought it had potential for a sequel with the original vampire controlling him in the future times.

[@Lemon_Inspector]

I went to check that Sony Spider-universe Cinematic Manverse wiki. There's two of them, and each has at least two socially-impaired guys checking the Ezekiel Sims article every day, so if you go there and edit in funny quotes by Ezekiel Baggins about his greatest joy in life, it's going to get reverted immediately. Very sad.

[@HectorLopez0217]

Dakota: You only came for Sydney Sweeney? Venom: Correct Madam

[@ghostprojekt]

I did in fact came for Sydney.

[@clearspira]

You say that like Dakota isn't hot as fuck too.

[@zak7an2]

was Venom removed from the movie theater?

[@HectorLopez0217]

@@clearspira True especially in the dresses they wore for the premiere

[@HectorLopez0217]

@@zak7an2 The ushers we’re scared they’d get eaten

[@19Ledor]

This slander against the holy spider oracles shall not be forgotten, Sony!

[@canaldecasta]

Fringy stealing Mauler's joke like that is proof that the corruption from the sludge is finally taking a toll on them.

[@SumDumGy]

It was also hilariously ironic that he did that and it Rags who called him out on it, the king of not paying any attention and then unknowingly repeating what was just said a moment before.

[@tsevgamesalot]

My mood instantly boosted when I heard that first JLongbone laugh 😂

[@MajorSmurf]

Ya know writing is like cooking. You get the ones who only buy ready meals and maybe add a condiment to spice it up once in a while. You get the ones who pour their time into the perfect cake, maybe altering and trying different things out with a great sense of knowing what will work, figuring out the perfect amount of time in the oven and so on. Then there are those who make a cake mix in a rush with ingredients no human has ever consumed, they drop it on the floor, walk all over it, the dog eats some of it and goes to the vet. They come back put the remaining sloop in the fridge for a couple of months and after all of that they finally stick in the oven where it explodes leaving a nasty smell behind along with a expensive bill because they confused gunpowder with salt. Now which one of those do you think is a perfect allegory for Madame Web?

[@BionicleFactory]

This made me laugh out loud, this is good rat.

[@tsevgamesalot]

"Spiderman: Here He Comes" was pretty funny

[@EnsignRedshirtRicky]

At least Morbius gave us a good meme. This one only gave us a quote from BidIddeas "With weak friction comes falling off the ceiling."

[@snickersbaja7706]

At least Morbius actually had an actual super-hero vs super-villian fight scene

[@practicalpisces]

"I know that man. He was on the spider research expedition with my mom. He was there when she died." FTFY

[@timetct]

Sydney Sweney's (sp? Sorry) attitude toward her character for the costume scene is great. Shame it was in service of sludge.

[@valentinegonsalves7322]

She's the only one that's even trying here. Her and Ben Parker seemed determined to actually make something of the material with a performance. There's some really weird shot like that. Like the music in the movie. On its own, you can tell the composer got the memo. Its too bad nothing supports him. But then someone thought Britney Spears' Toxic really needs to be in the movie because otherwise no one will be able to tell its 2003. Lets not have it just playing in the cab like it does and feel natural. Nah, it needs to be its own sequence.

[@ashesmoria5902]

They should have promoted a Madame Web Motorboat instead of a Madame Web Helicopter. 😆

[@realmofloredor]

When Dakota Johnson said “let’s go girls, it’s madame’n time”, I prematurely webbed from my morb.

[@nmr7203]

Rata is going to burn in hell for this meme.

[@TheAshenTarnishedHunter]

what the hell did i just read

[@charnel8435]

Not when she said "don't forget to tip the Madame ? "

[@tylercoon1791]

@@nmr7203oh please, he has to burn for the prevalence of Lime first

[@totallyofftask]

@@TheAshenTarnishedHunterpoetry

[@AtlatlMan]

"Is this a money laundering operation?!!" Yes. Yes it is.

[@hertogappel]

Can spiders actually do that? Can spiders tell the future?

[@theraven268]

Obviously not the female ones XD

[@CMCAdvanced]

Are you not familiar with John Adams?

[@Party_Almsivi]

Madame of the Webibean: On Stranger Peptides

[@EdgarFriendlysCivicsTeacher]

I'm so glad I didn't abandon scrolling. Congratulations sir 😂

[@HalbdaemonKite]

02:08:30 Gretchen is the worst, because not only do English speaking people pronounce it, like it's a disease, it isn't even a proper name. It's the diminutive nickname for "Margarete". Calling an adult woman (that you aren't super close to) "Gretchen" is just weird, man. It's like calling some rando grandma "babygirl".

[@hope-cat4894]

"Are you lost, grandma?" 😘

[@odigity]

I've never had more contempt for a film and more positive feelings for the film's star at the same time.

[@dfgbdegbergb7415]

You mean Sydney Sweeny?

[@TheEducator89]

SS and Dakota. Both HAF.

[@masonmiller7991]

Wait, she could have brain damage from drowning, and they keep her working as an ambulance driver?

[@Nastuf]

1:55:04 My wife just started working in the medical field you guys would be horrified at the lack of empathy on display there. Funny that she has dark humor trait in spades and yet she is better at patient relations, while everyone else takes themselves way too serious but also they are smug, dismissive, and apathetic.

[@mhc706]

The best part was that it only lasted 2 hours. Imagine a series using this cast and writing

[@TaoScribble]

Even two hours seems too long.

[@FrenchyMcToast]

You think anyone thought about the fact that if Ben's sister was the one pregnant with Peter that it wouldn't make sense that they were both Parkers?

[@nagger8216]

'Fuck you, it's January!' WILL continue until moral improves.

[@tylercoon1791]

I call this Spider-Man: Far From Ok

[@JourneyTal1]

Imagine if the plot of this movie was about Madam Web awakening her abilities during an emergency as an EMT and her basically denying/trying her best to ignore the weird future visions ends up leading to an accident happening that gives the three girls their spider powers. They all start going through unique difficult scenarios in their lives due to them now having powers they can’t really control and at the end of the day it was Madam Web’s fault they’re in that situation. Could even have the trope of her helping them cause she feels bad knowing that it’s her fault and they like her at first before realizing what her ability is and that she could’ve stopped it. Sometime in the middle of the movie have main villain guy, leading a biotech research and development company, get word through KZbin videos or even just rumor that there’s these girls that have powers now and maybe they got them from an accident that happened at this company and he want to kidnap them to basically complete his research and evolve humanity and maybe have a reference to a rival company being that one company in Venom that was researching the symbiotes. Then they’re all forced to team up and you get a spider girls fighting a bunch of armed guards/swat looking company security guys 4 vs 40 brawl before maybe taking on the main guy together after he combines the three girl’s dna to make him super Spider-Man but he doesn’t get Madam Web’s ability cause he doesn’t know she has one due to the subtle nature of it and they use it to out think and defeat him all together. Done

[@TheEducator89]

Does Sydney Sweeney wear tight latex in your film? If so, done.

[@Longshanks1690]

I’ve watched a few reviews of this movie by now and the one thing I’ve not really seen anyone talk about is why the Spider-Women were in this film. Like… at all. They don’t get their powers, they don’t use them, they aren’t important, they aren’t memorable and they don’t contribute to the plot… so why are they there? Why doesn’t Villain-Man think that Dakota herself will be the one to kill him, or that it’ll be Spider-Man in the future so Madame Web has to protect Ben Parker as a young man and that’s the plot of the movie? Or just something that can cut costs by having to pay less actors? This really seems like it’s the result of studio interference, like they just had to get Sydney Sweeney in there somewhere or something like that. I just cannot for the life of me understand what the thought process was as the film functions exactly the same without them, and might have even been a little better if this is about Dakota’s character being constantly on the run because she’s actually the one in danger, right? Not that it would have come even close to saving it but their inclusion is just strange conceptually when the film is supposed to be about Madame Web but these three are also there for no reason.

[@RipOffProductionsLLC]

I mean, including characters who will be important in tge future in earlier entries makes sense... but these people can't make good movies anyway

[@snickersbaja7706]

This way they can trick folks into seeing it thinking that it will have their favorite characters through marketing tricks

[@TheEducator89]

Because they can put 3 hot actresses in latex? Probably just that.

[@sztallone415]

I think it's easy: the spider-girls are there to 1, as said, the studio wanted to have the option for possible spin-offs. they still try to push for a new MCU-like franchise 2, check boxes. This way they sorta had their cake without making an effort. For reference see Ironheart in Wakanda 2, same shit

[@25meip]

To make it seem as much like spider-verse content as possible

[@JoshuaKevinPerry]

This film will net a morbillion at the box office.

[@codyj4144]

At last, Spiders that can see the future, just as the spiders fortold.

[@EpicJasonX9000]

“They say that imitation is the most sincerest form of flattery. But I find it somewhat, distasteful, to be given for credit for work that isn’t mine. Especially inferior work.” - John Kramer (SAW V)

[@casualromp]

They should've played "Eye of the Spider" as the credits rolled

[@manoz6194]

Which eye? Spiders have many eyes!

[@Jedi_Spartan]

And (as far as I know) the next Sony film is Kraven The Hunter... where one of the trailers retconed his origin to have him get bitten by a radioactive lion.

[@Pistonrager]

Holy moley, that Dune popcorn bucket.

[@Lucky_Limes]

🥵

[@vaclavhejtmanec3320]

Is it just me or does Ocean Spray sound more like a toilet cleaning product than a juice brand?

[@JoshuaKevinPerry]

I was thinking a douche, so yes.

[@hope-cat4894]

It sounds like a deodorant scent.

[@stonymick1478]

It can be both, why shouldn't it?

[@totallyofftask]

Yeah it does. I could also see it as some sort of dollar store brand of body spray

[@tylercoon1791]

As a cranberry juice connoisseur, Ocean Spray is better used as a toilet cleaning product

[@scarletthunder3783]

As to the comment about squirrels(not that anyone probably cares) squirrels are known to also maximize their surface area(much like a hang glider) to slow their velocity, which is why they can basically survive any height (they have been known to fall off buildings and survive)

[@TaoScribble]

Now if only they could stop chewing electrical wires and exploding.

[@TheCapedWanderer]

Many small creatures like mice and ants will never die falling from any height because their terminal velocity is too low, as determined by their mass vs. air resistance (i.e. surface area). Cats and squirrels are in the range were they can tip the balance between lethal speeds and non by spreading their bodies out. Hence cats famously landing on their feet, and squirrels’ ability to live an arboreal lifestyle, swangin’ twee-ta-twee without being in mortal peril at every moment.

[@alexdenommee3219]

If you've ever tried the raspberry - cranberry ocean spray juice, that sh*t is basically liquid crack cocaine.

[@codyopperman5930]

My sister works at an ambulance factory. One of the trucks this factory sent out was side swiped in NYC. The entire side wall of the module, the box on the back, was peeled off. No one was hurt while the paramedics weren't strapped in. But a 20 MPH side bump killed a guy?

[@N0thing2SeaHere]

My biggest takeaway from this movie is that Jay was right: Spiders can predict the future.

[@TheKpa11]

Larry the lobster: BREATHE DARN YOU! *Punches chest while making suggestive grunts*

[@SheikhMawini]

“We just lost the pulse!” “Well, THAT just happened… 😅”

[@jmace2424]

Me when I heard “Got pork chops? Cranchops!”: I understood that reference 🤣

[@DuranceBell]

Why don't you back off, Cran Man.

[@senoka4638]

The yellow one is the sun!

[@deadschooled]

Hot Pockets!

[@cycloneofsouls]

oh..that myweb thing is a myspace reference..becasue it takes place in the early 2000's..took me a second lol

[@walkir2662]

2:07:30 or so: Gertrud isn't the worst name. Brunhilde is... And Gretchen isn't even old German, it's old-German-mangled-by-anglos

[@patrickdoss25]

Holy shit that’s the MySpace page layout 36:57 MySpace! From the early 2000’s the very first, now dead, social media platforms.

[@samwallaceart288]

That tie-in reminds me of Yoda on all the mint iced teas growing up. Peak nostalgia.

[@doomfeast1102]

The spiders have forseen this. It is us who refused to believe.

[@derekrichardson7853]

Does this movie confirm the EFAP lore that spiders see the future? Does spider John Adams make an appearance?

[@329link]

That interviewer early on who asked about the viral clip was 100% trying to get a "fuck the haters" speech out of her. He asked why it went viral, hoping she was aware of it and would say some bullshit like "they just don't like women" or something. That's my best guess anyway. Only way I could see this movie getting actual attention is through another stupid controversy.

[@apborick5796]

The reason for the advertising on the cranberry juice bottle I suspect, is the fact that women use it as a cheap & effective treatment for UTI (urinary tract infection).

[@JoshuaKevinPerry]

It might decrease risk due to increased fluids, but it's not gonna fix a UTI as well as a rocephin shot

[@nautdead3197]

“When you take on the long, great fleems will come” -Peruvian Bigideas

[@LanceThumping]

If Sydney Sweeney was actually genuine about researching the character and trying to push for some connection, then I feel really bad for her. That's exactly the sort of thing that I'm certain fans would appreciate if only it'd been in service of a better movie. If the movie itself was going to be good and then she did something like that, it would add something valuable and at least be a cherry on top, but since it's seems clear that it was just shoved out by Sony then it's a cherry in a trash bin.

[@Silenthero66]

I love that the hollywood agents and actors are literally as confused as the fucking lower common denominator audience about capeshit movies and what universes they are or aren't in.

[@Purylock]

Spiders can see the future! Jay was right all along!

[@aqua96870]

Cant wait for Madame v. Morbius: Dawn of Cringe

[@KelShu]

It's ironic that Madame Webb was advertised on cranberry juice, because this movie was piss-poor.

[@tylercoon1791]

Don’t knock cranberry juice. That shit good.

[@KelShu]

@@tylercoon1791 Cranberries help prevent urinary tract infections

[@tylercoon1791]

@@KelShu I didn’t know that.

[@donovandelozier7156]

​@@tylercoon1791they're also a very common juice to drink for folks with kidney issues.

[@robertblume2951]

​@@tylercoon1791the joke is it helps you to piss

[@absolutechaos13]

EFAP reviewing a movie about spiders that grant foresight? Just as the spiders have foretold.

[@HectorLopez0217]

Would’ve been cool if Ezekiel thought that because he saw death he believed himself invincible in any other scenario and Web had to pull different versions to defeat him in every universe if you know Steel Ball Run you have an idea

[@snickersbaja7706]

Literally anything would have worked better than what they did, it is like they did everything possible to make it as uninspiring as possible

[@joebro2670]

Ben needing to die is literally a plot point and meme in across the spiderverse

[@cyrus2395]

This was an instant classic, one of those EFAPs I can rewatch right after finishing it lol

[@cyberphantom99]

Another superhero hell dimension, everyone is slaved to The Web and The Web does not understand people.

[@Coconut-219]

Mauler: "Never watch Madame Web in minecraft, worst mistake of my life."

[@archstanton9073]

Fringy laughs like Billy from Predator. He also says "Why?" like a teenage girl.

[@mariokarter13]

Dakota Johnson: I don't think I'm right for this part, I'm only 34. Her Agent: You're a woman in Hollywood, that makes you closer to 64.

[@TheEducator89]

Exactly. If she was ever going to take a spandex-centric role it had to be in the next year or so. Sadly there won't be a sequel to see her (and Sweeney) poured into those costumes again.

[@blackdragoncyrus]

Madame Jeb.

[@AdamHoy2006]

Worst helicopter stunt in the history of movies. Including the Twilight Zone movie

[@Ceyx000]

Oof, deep cut.

[@joriei]

Not even Madamin Time brought joy to my life

[@j-starchaser]

Have you tried finding a shaman to smoke shrooms with a gf half your age?

[@SnoopSqueak]

"Everyone's spoken to humans, right?" No. Some live in communities of drones.

[@heatherchansler5886]

Listening to the terrible free will/fate mechanics of this movie after just finishing the masterpiece of Dark (German series on Netflix) makes it even funnier how little thought they put into how anything works.

[@SeiferTV]

Dakota johnson is doing discout Aubrey Plaza. Listen, at least it's not girlbossing. More maddam web, less captain marvel.

[@bad-people6510]

"Every day that passes my appointment with death grows closer!" Also known as "mortality."

[@Nea760]

1:28:00 Why would a security guy care about the spider? Security is not involved in research. Wouldn't it be a massive red flag, that the security guy is just there because he knows about the spider, and how close madame web's mother is to finding it?

[@TheJammerman]

Imagine you have to explain to your wife that your friend needs a woman, that looks like Sydney Sweeney, NEEDS her to stay at your house for an indeterminate amount of time and she can’t tell anyone and it has to be a secret. Good luck with that.

[@maxemiloddmoland5476]

Dying in the Amazon rainforest while researching spiders is the only thing that brings me joy.

[@blr5341]

Hello from one of your female subscribers ✌️

[@Cole99v]

Harry spider man and the goblet of man. I love it.

[@sparkypack]

the dobblin of man