EFAP Movies #2: Unicorn Store

[@JayExci]

I didn't come here to be sacrificed.

[@joshuaking9408]

Nobody chooses to become a sacrifice to the time spiders. Rejoice, your death will bring greater glory to the Brood.

[@janehrahan5116]

Embrace the sacrifice.

[@fotzegamingandmedia1840]

Guys, you need to watch a movie called 'Cold Pursuit' next! I just watched it with my father and I was dying from laughter. It's really bazaar

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

I mean, the context of that was Wish Upon, and the wisher has no way of choosing who the box kills, so you're most likely safe... maybe. We hope.

[@Misawa619]

For the greater good...

[@bucko9423]

Failed artist.... believes they are better than they are.... entering a political movement ... 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Where have I seen this before?

[@gusty9053]

an austrian painter ? :)

[@Fell_Foxy]

It might be the only time calling someone literally Hittler might be applicable

[@dodojesus4529]

Only difference: she doesn't have a really funny stache Edit: Edit "moustache"

[@killian9314]

@@dodojesus4529 'stache*

[@za-ir5ni]

A failed artist in what way?

[@grandarkfang_1482]

>Directed by Brie Larson herself. Well, no wonder this movie is pretentious and awful.

[@RicardoAGuitar]

She didn't write the movie. But it's easy to see why she was attracted to the material.

[@tiaaaron3278]

It's the same character as Captain Marvel,really. She can't stand criticism and anyone who doesn't kiss her ass is painted in a bad light. Everyone has to praise her true self and not bring up the flaws.

[@Tomgd420]

Serious question..... Who was that movie made for? Lmao

[@MarcAlcatraz]

Weekend warrior did an awesome review of this

[@rebekahdemoss1448]

Pretentious as shit, if i may say--also, turns out she's fine the way she is too even though she's obviously immature

[@WeekendWarrior1]

A wolf, a shiba inu, a mask on wheels and Frogald shat on this movie? **CLEARLY YOU WEREN'T THE TARGET AUDIENCE AND IT WASN'T MADE FOR YOU**

[@specialgamer0072]

Lol

[@dimas3829]

who were even the target audience? Housewives in the middle age crisis? Autistic girls? Horses?

[@rollrcoastrbacon2725]

Yeah they weren’t strong enough with the ‘Tisms

[@UtushoReiuji]

The target audience is weird perverts who want to watch a woman metaphorically masturbate for the duration of a feature length film.

[@elephantpowerproductions]

Wolfman, furry, gasmask, and grinch

[@crashschwarzen4642]

*Personal Attack Intensifies*

[@dizzydoom4230]

Looks like Claire is having a *very* personal attack in your profile pic.

[@crashschwarzen4642]

@@dizzydoom4230good one

[@PhillipOnTakos]

She literally says in the film "They think they know so many things... I know so many things" That sums up Brie Larson and every entitled millennial to ever exist.

[@drliamo9049]

Underrated comment

[@AliRadicali]

In a way it's a shame that this movie will be forgotten in a few months because it's a fascinating insight into the kind of entitled feel-good narcissism that's rampant these days. The whole film is a monument to Brie's gigantic ego and refusal to improve herself and grow up: "No, it's everyone else who's wrong!"

[@doopdoopdopdop7424]

Don’t worry we still have Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, KZbin, Reddit and other internet corners.

[@doctormeatball7618]

Unicorn Store is a cry for help from Brie's subconscious.

[@mountingfailure2309]

The main character seems like legit mentally deficient. That isn't how "childish" people are. That girl has developmental problems

[@aliquisvultteisus1012]

"This is like a film made by an alien" Pretty much sums up this fever dream

[@pieminator6969]

Just like the Unicorn, Brie Larson also should become extinct... ...From the cinemas, of course! What..? did you think that was a personal attack or something?

[@Seomus]

Listen, Rhinoceros unicornis (the Indian Rhino) is only vulnerable, not extinct. Yes, Unicorn Milk exist

[@whitehorsedown6499]

Benecio del Toro: Did she fuck that unicorn?

[@marvalice3455]

Brie Larson should be brutally murdered in minecraft

[@whitehorsedown6499]

That young black guy is being groomed by an ugly filthy her-o.

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

If anyone fucked a unicorn then it was Deadpool

[@topedaddy6793]

The Toxic Brood has no limits...… John "Spider" Adams!

[@elephantpowerproductions]

Spoiler alert: He’s a fortune teller Like if you get the EFAP reference

[@TrajGreekFire]

Why is Samuel L. Jackson cosplaying Madea?

[@Mick824]

That was honestly the first thing that entered my head when I saw that. Thank You for that piece of enjoyment.

[@jareththegoblinking3191]

You mean this is the first time hes done that??

[@t.thomas8919]

The roll was made for Madea, but things came up and what could actually make money.

[@fus132]

Fun fact: in European folklore the unicorns are entrapped by using female virgins as bait. "The unicorn, through its intemperance and not knowing how to control itself, for the love it bears to fair maidens forgets its ferocity and wildness; and laying aside all fear it will go up to a seated damsel and go to sleep in her lap, and thus the hunters take it." - Leonardo da Vinci.

[@Unformed8]

Wolf is such a big Captain Marvel movie fan he hasn't seen the movie because he has heard it has spoilers for it.

[@42ndguardian]

This movie is somehow more alien than The Room. Tommy Wiseau is somehow better at being human than Brie

[@denkerbosu3551]

42ndguardian tommy legit tries to simulate people. Larson tries to make them all quirky and shit.

[@dimas3829]

well, her boss at decent job looked and talked literally like protagonist from the Room did.

[@rosesongoku6980]

“If a lot of people loved each other, the world would be a better place to live.”

[@death3678]

I sense an epic crossover

[@corruptangel6793]

Unicorn Store feels like it was originally a little kids book (like those ones with the picture covering the entire page and a single paragraph overlaying part of the picture) and they took the idea and adapted it into a more adult format. Like, in the book there'd be this little girl with a big imagination who is pressured into being more like the big kids. But one day she finds this magical unicorn who teaches her to be true to herself and not what others want her to be.

[@HerohammerStudios]

I think that's the point

[@MAGAMAN]

A movie for Adult children, made by adult children.

[@Fyrecide]

Nothing about this movie is adapted for anything resembling "adult"

[@mantequilla93]

I felt the same way, however, the execution was extremely poor. Also, the gang here tries to be hyperbolic too much and it kind of gets tiresome

[@Leon-169]

There is only one quote that can describe how I feel right now: “I’m not actually convinced that this film is real.”

[@death3678]

I legitimately want to cry for some reason and laugh

[@HighordStarkiller]

Tumblr The movie Featuring: Unicorn Kin

[@necromancer7676]

They’re actually calling the sequel trilogy the Skywalker Saga. How dare they.

[@Dragonrealms245]

So Rey HAS to be a Skywalker then. All of them are dead! Just F U C K

[@denkerbosu3551]

Andrew Borre gotta milk those recognizable names some moah! "let the past die" unless it brings us sheckels!

[@r.e.z9428]

They Dare?!?

[@kadirgarib3459]

I'm pretty sure Skywalker saga is referring to all 9 movies?

[@honestkyn718]

@@kadirgarib3459 I think so... problem is they think the sequel is a proper ending

[@takaro0]

A Hive Mind production... Yep, sounds about right.

[@gottesurteil3201]

"Tell me I'm pretty" the movie.

[@krennicsaspirations4883]

But MauLer you’re a Black Skull on Wheels, therefore your thoughts on the film are invalid. Brie Larson wants to know what the film meant to all the Unicorns and Brie Larsons of color.

[@deathsdoor07]

He evolved into a skull with a gas mask. He needs more memes for his second evolution.

[@RicardoAGuitar]

I T S N O T M E A N T F O R Y O U

[@GordoFabulous]

He's a skull of color, so he's fine.

[@rosesongoku6980]

Nah, man, he's got a neck below that, see his pic? (insane laughter)

[@joaopedrolinsmassan6123]

This movie is not for gray skulls with masks, bissexual dogs, metalic wolfs and green creatures, it is made for Brie Larsons herself

[@JLongbone]

"He's gay...NO!"

[@singeradams266]

Oof. All I can say is I hope Samuel L Jackson got paid well.

[@wrayday7149]

Singer Adams , Sam did this for us, and trivia night. What is the worst movie Sam Jackson ever stared in?

[@electricbayonet2]

Unfortunately, I suspect Brie Larson got him to take the role by threatening to #MeToo him.

[@tiaaaron3278]

@@wrayday7149 That shark movie?

[@tiaaaron3278]

@@electricbayonet2 No,they seem like they are genuinely close friends. They met when they worked on Kong movie and Brie Larson was really nice back in 2016.

[@megalodon7916]

+Tie Aaron I find that extremely hard to believe. You don’t go from normal to psychotic bitch in such a short amount of time.

[@SarahWeisters]

This is like if tumblr vomited on a film reel.

[@RogueFox2185]

Samuel Jackson looked completely dead inside throughout the entire movie, poor guy didn’t deserve to be punished like this.

[@NCHaskew]

I doubt it's because of the quality of the movie--the man just loves to act. The misery is probably from having Brie Larson as the director

[@rosesongoku6980]

*JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ-LOUUUUUUUUUUU-WEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!*

[@thekunninglinguist2397]

Considering they the same people in the MCU he would be best buddies I suspect, plus she got to hold his ‘lightsaber’

[@deathbb703]

Jackson is in cahoots with Brei

[@bijibadness]

hey, he got paid. he's fine. he's a legend. it's Brie I'm worried about. she won an Oscar, starred in a $1b schlong of a Marvel movie, then two years later was reduced to this?? I don't know if she's even _in_ Captain Marvel 2, and she's Captain Marvel. or maybe they're not CALLING it Captain Marvel 2, they're calling it something else in an effort to try and get the cultural stink out.

[@hatefulgaming1800]

Samuel L Jackson looks like madea.

[@SideBurns]

@@bokrugthewaterserpent3012 LMAO

[@MarcAlcatraz]

The unicorn madea

[@paragonpoints8420]

Please Phil, can you use Flex Tape to bond, seal, and repair this movie? Please, we need your help!

[@VideaVice25]

6:36 Brie thought she could outdo Tommy Wiseau ... Nobody can, Brie. Especially you.

[@S4ns]

"This isn't a vacuum for your house, this is a vacuum for your soul." This MOVIE is a vacuum for my soul.

[@fastenedcarrot9570]

Brie Larson is the Kahn Makyr apparently.

[@stryder414]

Now i'm not a director but i have watched a ton of competently directed movies and this woman is utterly inept. Wasted space in so many shots; if 2/3 of your shot is empty i usually expect something to happen within that space, not in this film. If it's "symbolic" it doesnt work here and if it's just to be "quirky and interesting", well Wes Anderson she is not. How about putting your camera on a stable platform? No? Just going to rest it on a guy's shoulder so it sways around constantly? That works for action scenes or traumatic scenarios, not when you're staring blankly at a mirror to admire the paint you splattered on your face. Oh, and the script is incoherent, the characters make no sense within any context and the acting was confusing at best. Just awful, truly awful.

[@RanMouri82]

This movie is a meta commentary of itself.

[@Victor-vx2hl]

This movie is a traumatic scenario for my soul

[@GrimgoreIronhide]

I say this with complete sincerity: This is an important movie, it is a genuine expression of the rot festering at the heart of the sjw movement and the new wave of adult children who dominate the elite social sphere behind closed doors right now. This movie isn't an artistic failure, its a mask slip. Its as important a film as The Joker. If the Joker is the insanity of the lower class this is the insanity of the leftist elites at this moment. They are reluctant adults dreaming of world of unicorns and rainbows believing that they can legislate such a fantasy land into existence, while despising all realpolitik as the bad man who wants to take their unicorn away.

[@goldie4106]

Brie Larson doesn't even understand "Vergils". The anatomy of a Vergil is as follows: white, slick back hair blue kitana motivated white

[@Hys868]

And power

[@fredrikgranstrom6743]

Vergil is best boi. Dante is close though

[@pinkskie5536]

Honestly, she has no idea what a real Vergil is. Foolishness, Larson. Foolishness.

[@alexlee4154]

Make sure only add a little motivation And if in doubt, it needs more power

[@Adorni]

Alex Lee _Especially_ if in doubt. Might controls everything, and without power you can’t protect anything. Least of all yourself.

[@jtfromsomewhere]

STROOOOOOOOOONG FEMAaaaaLE LEEEEEEEEEAD!!!!!!! where is Arya teleporting when you need her?

[@valentinward3657]

Teleportation only works against the patriarchy.

[@aayushpatel6471]

JT Has A KZbin Channel was that a Adam does movies reference?

[@jtfromsomewhere]

@@aayushpatel6471 Haha Yes!

[@rosesongoku6980]

(She comes in and shanks Brie when she’s talking to the unicorn)

[@RanMouri82]

@@rosesongoku6980 I'd actually watch that.

[@lukevankleef4245]

''This is a legitimate place of business, and the opposite of murder.'' this movie is bad, but my god that made me chuckle. Also, Samuel L Jackson looks like Medea in this movie.

[@cokeman582]

All that wasted potential... I'm talking about Samuel L Jackson of course.

[@The_Jackpurgis]

Brie Larson gets several restraining orders: The Movie

[@____uncompetative]

Apparently Brie did all her own stunts. She could easily have lost an eye to the Unicorn.

[@speedyacorn2520]

The real unicorn is the friends we made along the way

[@SunDropVT]

... I need better friends

[@exquisitecorpse__]

There is a DC comics character called the Flamingo. He wears a bright pink suit and rides a pink motor bike and he skins and eats people's faces. I'm getting that vibe from Samuel L Jackson in this movie.

[@DeepEye1994]

Brie Larson claims to be so not-racist and progressive, yet uses Samuel L. Jackson for a magical negro character. Tsk tsk tsk...

[@MCCrleone354]

I didn’t think of that. You could be on to something. It’s lazy writing but I doubt it’s racism.

[@anthonywarren9885]

" negro "??? You sound like a racist.

[@GigaChadh976]

Anthony Warren He’s quoting Jlongbone. A black woman

[@TheSlammurai]

@@anthonywarren9885 Magical Negro is an actual trope. Educate yourself.

[@SteveSmith-ty8ko]

@@anthonywarren9885 he’s not using it to be disparaging. It’s a term.

[@GiovanniPrince]

"This isn't a vacuum for your house. This is a vacuum for your soul!" I agree, I can feel this movie sucking my soul away from me. Thanks for the confirmation.

[@Zero-ry2rc]

I almost had an Anuerism form laughter at, "it's a vacuum for your soul".

[@silverscorpio24]

*Describe this movie in seven words:* "This is a vacuum for your soul."

[@GoblinKnightLeo]

+Mauler Speaking from long personal experience, women who are into horses - unless you live in a *very* rural area - are pretty weird. Owning a horse is a huge money sink, and while horses are friendly enough they aren't as smart as dogs.

[@ajsouza3720]

I live in a more rural area and what you're saying is very true. They are a HUGE money sink.

[@larryfish9272]

Horse girls are a real and terrifying phenomenon

[@thekinkypinkies7437]

"How is that lamp on?" Asking the hard questions there Rags 😂

[@drliamo9049]

Yup definitely getting into existential territory there lol

[@BirdsElopeWithTheSun09]

"Is that Chris Stuckmann?"

[@jcaesar19871]

"Midlife crisis movie." And Larson is not even 30 yet. 🤣

[@benedicitesol4429]

Shes a 29 year old wine mom with no kids.

[@connorberger8970]

EFAP is the only quality show

[@connorberger8970]

As well with the memes

[@convoyds]

There’s another quality show called Cory in the House.

[@connorberger8970]

Twinkings my favorite anime

[@SteveSmith-ty8ko]

@@connorberger8970 Have you finished the manga yet tho

[@ATG_reviews]

So, it isn't a coincidence that she played in the "Room"

[@iamthewizardwhoknocks2845]

She should go back to The Room, she actually useful

[@RobynReanimates]

Y'know before Captain Marvel I really really liked Brie Larson because I had only seen her in Scott Pilgrim which is one of my favorite movies. I wish I could go back to those days

[@alexlee4154]

Well i mean nobody in scott pilgrim quite acts like a human being She fits right in

[@RobynReanimates]

@@alexlee4154 Good point

[@t.thomas8919]

I want to go back to a lot of things... one day. *eyes the debre of a time machine* ONE DAY! XD

[@UltimaOmegaZero]

@@alexlee4154 How so?

[@anthonywarren9885]

Brie Larson is having a midlife crisis in her 20's. Her career is all downhill from here folks. Years from now we'll all be wondering, whatever happened to that chick from Captain Marvel???

[@benedicitesol4429]

29 yr old wine mom with no kids

[@alexandermarier6847]

When I saw she was a failing artist I thought, "here comes wwIII."

[@Nova-sama420]

that movie clearly shows that her Oscar was just for political points and had nothing to do with her acting talent.

[@GeneralWinkster]

It's ok Wolf Jay will be sacrificed for something better.

[@ricardoandres914]

petition for the next efap movie to be Madea

[@dragonknightleader1]

At least a Madea movie is potentially entertaining.

[@Ashkihyena]

Thanks for watching this so we don't have to.

[@aldoluiscantu9406]

Mauler was the nostalgia critic AAALLLL ALONG

[@MisterNightfish]

"This is a like a film made by an alien" If that's true, we need to cancel SETI right now. Immediately.

[@Kernwadi]

"Objectivity is objective, in my subjectively subjective opinion." -Bilbo Baggins

[@Max-kv1xm]

Brie Larson is unironically on the spectrum.

[@Aspi3Gam3r]

I'm on the spectrum myself and I take offense to the idea that I possibly may share being autistic with someone insufferable like Brie Larson.

[@trvecvltfvckboy]

But...I don't wanna share tisms with Brie :(

[@alicesheep6394]

More like this is what she thinks being on the spectrum is like.

[@megashark1013]

Autistic people are vastly superior to Brie Larson. Well, autistic people are vastly superior to all other lifeforms, actually.

[@megalodon7916]

You do realize autism doesn’t effect intelligence right? It’s not the same as mental retardation. It primarily effects your ability to communicate. It makes it difficult to express yourself and understand what others are trying to say to you. Your mental faculties are not worse than someone without autism. In fact, some autistic people are extremely intelligent. The idea that autistic people are stupid is a common misconception that needs to stop. Autism does not make you as stupid as Brie Larson.

[@Hailfire131]

9:22 Rags: Why am I here? Me: Just to suffer? Every EFAP He can feel his leg, and his tail, even his paws........

[@Just_normal_youtube_channel]

Rags is a true Diamond Dog.

[@skeletalmesh9872]

Wow. Thank you for watching this so I don't have to.

[@jakefrost7404]

Björk: *_"You're doing it wrong, Brie."_*

[@agentcarter2219]

Thank you VEEERRRYYY much

[@butthz8850]

Tommy Wiseau's acting is better than ALL of these actors (except Sam Jackson). At least Tommy put some heart into his role.

[@Tronathon242]

Tommy thought his film could get an Oscar nomination. That says so much about his conviction.

[@goodman4966]

Man Chris Stuckmann you with Channel Awesome? and now this !!!!

[@Tibasu]

I saw who was in the thumbnail and all I could think was "Oh no... is this a personal attack or something?"

[@endrelad1306]

We all know why Brie wants a Unicorn... Am i rite Wolf ;)

[@denkerbosu3551]

"he is all flamboyant. he is gay! noooo..."

[@CrashWeezerman]

"He is THE gay"

[@dragonknightleader1]

@20:21 So, Brie Larson's character has backup dancers to enable her insanity? Also, her crawling on the table has to be the least sexy thing I've ever seen. Ya Boi Zack made another bad call with this movie. These little snippets have emotional validation and YAS! QUEEN SLAY!

[@CadDriftarus]

"This is a vaccum for your soul!" Joke's on you, my soul's long gone. -I told mom not to throw out the vaccum bag-

[@harry426]

19:42 Can't have that. We need the biting commentary about marketing agencies' lack of creativity, mega-corporations' "bro" culture and the objectification of the femal form for financial gain... or something?

[@infiniteflame2374]

I think that guy saying he has a girlfriend is like an autonomic response. You see Brie Larson coming and you shout "I have a girlfriend!" even if you don't have one. You have no control over it, your body is simply trying to protect itself.

[@InceyWincey]

It was when she said “it is a vacuum for your soul” that I realised that Terry Gilliam wrote this under a pseudonym and didn’t tell anyone that it’s actually a parody. I should have seen it in the product placement scene.

[@samhouston9162]

Oh no, I sense a loss of brain cells coming with this movie

[@cosmicchicken]

When will you release A of critique star wars force awakens part 3? Also:- short man bad

[@dodojesus4529]

That what she said

[@lennyfieldy]

See, there was this pretentious, psychopathic failed painter this one time, and he had a superiority complex and was so angry at this one ethnicity and blamed them for everything bad that happened to him and the thing he loved... sorry what were we talking about again?

[@jedibrooks7235]

Why is Samuel humilating himself so late into his career for this Unlikeable plank

[@benedicitesol4429]

Following Robert Deniros lead

[@SteveSmith-ty8ko]

I don’t have any clue why he’d show up for this film. I don’t think it’s money issues, he’s probably banging Brie or whatever.

[@MiltonGagliardi]

Virgil sounds like the name of a storm that is approaching, provoking black clouds in isolation.

[@rockerknight25]

"Everyone is everyone, it's all in her head, and the film ends with her in an insane asylum." Close, MauLer, but no. It's actually a dream Samuel L Jackson is having in that place he gets sent with Bruce Willis and James McXavierman.

[@NikoJr.]

It feels like some movies aren't aware of the fact that people can have a normal, boring career and do art on the side. And if the art gets successful enough, they can do that full time. But instead, some movies are like "I'm an artist, and that's all I'll ever be; I'd rather be dead than be stuck in an office!"

[@delta_dellas2839]

The Unicorn oblivious has the most objectively best cameo in film history, in my opinion.

[@666lupine666]

"its so heavy..." "that'sh becuz its full of LUvvvvvv" ... ... ... yep

[@paragonpoints8420]

“Don’t have a next time, Brie.” “Yeah, kill yourself” -Bilbo Baggins

[@Le-cp9tr]

Watching EFAP Movies and then trying to plot of the film is more entertaining than the Movies ever could be

[@VaporSulla]

Brie Larson is 100% female Jared.

[@dimas3829]

we should arrange their meeting.. somehow.

[@thekunninglinguist2397]

She did it okay the way she did it???

[@voxvire2350]

>is a failed artist I don't like where this is going...

[@Oozywolf]

Man I cringed hard watching that vacuum scene. You guys are brave for watching that

[@BKPrice]

You can tell which unicorn is SLJ's: the one that says bad motherfucker on it.

[@VvazMHNY]

Thank you for making this only half an hour long, 15 minutes in and i barely here anymore

[@llimar263]

This is exactly what I needed after a long work day. You guys are the best. Toxic Brood for life!

[@wopjohn]

Even Neil Breen couldn't comprehend this plot

[@draca6426]

Can’t wait for that Rian Johnson and Brie Larson crossover

[@jester9217]

Brie lifted Sams horn of love...it was heavy

[@Lauren007E]

it's really weird seeing the guy from black mass in this movie.... that dude isn't a bad actor but after this it certainly looks like it

[@doctordiscord1399]

"I'm glad we're watching someones mental illness." - MST3k Mike Nelson

[@mophead3078]

8:59 I love Samuel, he always puts his full ass into his work

[@DarthMerlin]

Hey MauLer, going forward, could you possibly put an audio track of the entire commentary on Soundcloud or something?

[@SomeGuy-cp1km]

DarthMerlin he said he wouldn’t because this is basically all the times they talked super cut together

[@MarcAlcatraz]

I really like the zoom in of the pfps with the back and forth you guys have.

[@liquidladdy]

I love how this movie is all about validation childish actions because "YOU WILL GET YOUR UNICORN SOME DAY" (obviously being a gross perversion of obtaining one's dreams)