Embrace the Chaos of Recovery

[@racheltheshadesoforange8700]

Thanks for this. In my experience, an organized path to recovery does not lead to recovery at all. That organization and control in recovery just left space for my ED to stay alive. It wasn't until I truly shook up my life and eating that I saw real progress.

[@emilyspence2961]

I couldn't agree with you more: shaking things up, embracing the chaos, diving in without all the answers and just starting really are crucial to starting the process of change x

[@findingkoanne628]

Hi emily, not sure if you're still gonna be see this but just wanted to say - I resonate a lot with most of your videos and I cant stress enough how much youve made me feel less alone in this journey. Thank you for letting me know that its okay to have such mess and not giving a fuss about it. Thank you for giving me courage in this re-learning process. Lots of love. x

[@phawaah]

really nice to hear all of this! Mainly the part when you say that your body is like "I want to eat everything". Gives me reassurance that I'm not alone with this "problem". I have no problem eating more in recovery (which is indeed chaos in my head bc of the ED screaming back) and often read people saying "I get full so rapidly" & Im like ? What? I feel like a bottomless pit😂. you explain it so well !!

[@emilyspence2961]

You are absolutely not alone in this and your hunger is to be honoured, not judged- no matter what. Feasting in recovery is totally normal and nothing but positive :) Thank you for this comment and your positivity xx

[@harmonyhope1709]

Thank you!!! Definitely feeling chaotic. Up and down, start stop, definitely not linear, lurching through the days.... It doesn't fit in a neat package of meal plans or perfect weight graph. Always feel like I'm getting it wrong!

[@emilyspence2961]

Just keep going: recovery is not about perfection (there is no such thing!), its about trying your best, doing what you can, picking yourself up from slips/set-backs and ploughing on regardless. The chaos is part of the journey xx

[@harmonyhope1709]

@@emilyspence2961 bless you thank you. Think because in every other aspect of my life I'm so organised and everything is so sorted and predictable (as much as possible) I get frustrated when I get thrown a curve ball from the ed but I am definitely riding the storm and ploughing through it, thanks for your words of encouragement xx

[@emilyspence2961]

@@harmonyhope1709 No problem at all, I am happy to help :) And you keep doing just that: riding the storm and keeping your focus forwards: look at the distance between you and total freedom and close that gap :) x

[@harmonyhope1709]

@@emilyspence2961 I will, thank you.. have a good weekend;)

[@ellis-4854]

A BIG thank you for sharing this !! I struggle with this all the time and i’ve definitely been feeling i’m doing recovery all wrong and i’m never going to fully recover this way and i’m not consistent enough and it’s too hard and bumpy road etc. Hearing this gives me a real relief 🙏🏼 can I ask you did you experienced that at some point recovery starts to get a bit smoother, less bumpy and up and down and easier? And the decisions get easier and quicker? Or is recovery going to be more or less this kinda rollercoaster? 🥲 much love from Finland ♥️

[@emilyspence2961]

I certainly did: with time, commitment and repetition things got easier. The more I ate and rested, the more clarity I had over my hunger and exhaustion. The more I rebelled against the ED rules, the less of a hold they had on me. And the more I challenged fear foods, the less I felt frightened. Taking action is the key thing with all of these: action creates change. Keep going, you CAN do this x

[@susan_e]

Thank you for reminding me that the process isn't neat and orderly like I WANT it to be. If winging it is right for recovery, then I am killing it.🙂 I regularly say in a very frustrated voice that I don't know what I'm doing. I see a 'Happy Engagement' balloon behind you - Congratulations!

[@emilyspence2961]

Walking into the chaos and towards the 'I don't know what I'm doing' is a good indicator that you are moving in the right direction! And thank you =D xx

[@valeriakorotkikh508]

Hello!How can I see new problems intime?Forexample I start practice meditate every day but sometimes I have to do it without any pleasure.It seems to me that looks like new obsession.Although I try to prove myself that ritual for my mental health.

[@emilyspence2961]

You have to be vigilant when it comes to recovery: if you get even a flicker of doubt that something is disorder driven or supporting your ED in any way then you have to jump on it and stamp it out. The fact that you use the world 'without pleasure' and 'obsession' tells me everything I need to know: instead of meditating go and get something to eat- I am 99.9% sure that the urge to mediate is a time-filling/stalling tactic that your ED is driving to protect your energy deficit (AKA distracting you from being hungry and keeping you busy instead of eating).

[@valeriakorotkikh508]

@@emilyspence2961 thank you

[@abaslesregimes.sarahb.8366]

Gteat video ! Thank you.

[@abaslesregimes.sarahb.8366]

You’ve got style Emilie !

[@gabrielaleszynska895]

Thank you for sharing your experience! But...have you experienced this strange type of hunger- like it doesn't matter what you eat (the taste is not important here...🙄) the only thing that matters is the amount. For me it looks like eating some strange combination or just eating the same thing everyday (pasta!) or eating even frozen products or changing consistency of my meals- making every meal more 'liquid-consistency'... 😳 I know it sounds strange but my recovery is... so messy. 😟 Hugs!

[@emilyspence2961]

Hunger can certainly take many different forms in recovery and wanting to eat lots of the same thing is very normal: particularly if that thing is something that you have been restricting. I often found that when I started eating something that had previously been disapproved by my ED that I went through a phase of wanting it ALL the time! And I certainly also experienced caring less about the taste of the food and more about having LOTS of it... again this is all normal and needs to be honoured without restriction or judgement :) xxx