r/KidsAreFreakingStupid | THIS is the cursed child!

[@basementdwellercosplay]

Kids don't need a reason to do dumb things like licking a hand rail, they just have a passing thought and go for it

[@itsjustmenova]

yeah I'm convinced theres no level of thinking or filter for like the first 10 years of kids lives. Whatever pops into their heads is just something they must do because they thought of it

[@zeldaglitchman]

Kids don't have intrusive thoughts, they're just thoughts lol

[@justace73]

No impulse control lol

[@aprilk141]

Now that's hustle!

[@fireballfilms]

the rail was covered in rain she was licking the rail to lick the rain

[@matthewhalo1799]

You gotta love that childhood innocence where you say things without context that sound absolutely horrible at first. Like once got elbowed by my mom on accident. She was washing dishes and I went behind her and she spun around and accidentally hit me in the face with her elbow. Here’s the thing though, it left a noticeable bruise. So when I went to school the teachers were concerned and asked what happened and innocent kid me said “Oh, my mommy did it” with no context One authority visit later they ask me to explain **exactly** what happened and then everything was sorta resolved

[@ay-dionne]

Lol I had a similar incident! My parents used to smoke when I was young, I think one time I was playing outside when my mom was smoking and one of my flailing forearms caught her lit cigarette and I got a burn. I never had a burn before so for some reason I thought it was cool and started going around saying "my mom burnt me with a cigarette!" After about the third time she heard me say that she told me to stop because it's making her sound bad. I still have the scar

[@MatecaCorp]

@@ay-dionne smoking around children is bad tho lol

[@myrielt]

I did a similar thing where I wrote my younger sister’s name on the wall. My dad asked “who wrote that?” And I said “clearly it was Emily. It’s her name”. I was the only one old enough to know how to write 💀

[@balls_gaming]

ok but that's still genius lmao

[@thestoryKeeper123]

I wrote my name along with my siblings. But I put my sister's name first. Still got caught because me and my sister were the only ones who could write, and I have difficulties with spelling people's names right 🥲

[@myrielt]

@@thestoryKeeper123 oh no 😭 at least it makes for a funny story when you’re older!

[@narazdjgirl]

I scratched my stepbrother's name into a DVD player and he ended up getting in trouble. No one ever found out the truth 😀

[@ZIM_skol]

@@narazdjgirl HAH smelly boy

[@ipadbabyArmand]

The kids who did the recipes have great futures ahead of them. They're going places.

[@cftyftyufyfuyfty]

They're going to walmart by the looks of it

[@tallynnyntyg6008]

The first and last one to doctors for premature diagnoses of ADD or ADHD.

[@ChaosBlitzBeta]

@@cftyftyufyfuyfty And target.

[@Skyioun]

I want more!

[@stwaberrystawlker]

I’m hungry.

[@Arc_5]

the second kid is going places

[@Pinkcircleguy]

Fr tho

[@lesliemaytubby-oh3le]

Fr

[@homelessRash]

Is the second kid trying to seduce the English teacher

[@Cool_dood256]

Your pfp tho 😂😂😂😂

[@Shiny_goomy_real]

Hell and prison

[@baliyae]

Something tells me that second kid is *definitely* curious. Hope Mom and Dad have the answers.

[@Milk-ck1wv]

​@@moon-moth1I doubt america is the only place with misinformed teenagers. Sex ed isn't even presented in most schools from my personal experience and it's a debate sadly if certain people should even be included in that option

[@moonglowdragon]

@@moon-moth1I wasn't going to think much about it, but your comment made me curious, and i think this kid might be Indian

[@BaldCoryxKenshinfan]

@@moon-moth1his parents are failing him too by not teaching him about this stuff. It’s sad, really. 😭

[@TylerZeta]

Yeah and the kid was smart enough to google it.

[@John.Fitzgerald.Kennedy]

"A letter after her husband died: Dear Mrs Kennedy..." GOT ME DEAD, LITERALY

[@MaryMcKennedy]

Dang

[@Whyiseveryhandletaken6942]

The passport kid really went “you’re not going anywhere.”

[@Smileythesilent]

Actually, it was proved that the dad did it because visa shenanigans, 'his daughter' conveniently covered just the right info suspiciously perfectly

[@cozykomala]

When I was 5, I had to interview my dad for a school thing. I put "his favorite food is beer." After 25 years, I still haven't lived this down.

[@Yuruble]

6:30 - I remember doing this for my younger sister's girl scout class. & I wrote down EVERYTHING they said. Which means it took like 20 minutes per kid because we were both giggling too much. But it is interesting to note that those girls actually knew the basics for how to cook while the boys don't.

[@midoriya_mumble]

That kid talking about beans making them sick... Me too kid. They are NOT the magic fruit, if they were magic at least I'd be puking rainbows or glitter.

[@MayHugger]

Maybe if you add some jellybeans you might get the colour a bit closer lol.

[@Ui_Kozekis_Friend]

Childhood memories are great, especially when I remembered that I put a stone in the motorcycle and the owner saw me

[@retarded_certificated]

wild

[@helloolleh_dis]

I remember playing with a spray that was in the bathroom closet and a lighter tried it at my backyard firepit It was fun to burn leaves with a mini flamethrower then I realized how stupid I was and how I could have went to the hospital

[@Bryce_the_Woomy_Boi]

Even kiki knew how to fly a broom better

[@Intelligence_Core3]

*fly Hope that helped :)

[@Coolguy2F47]

@@Intelligence_Core3Looks like it did.

[@lucariogames456]

From the Studio Ghibli movie?

[@Bryce_the_Woomy_Boi]

@@lucariogames456 yup.

[@lucariogames456]

@@Bryce_the_Woomy_Boi That movie is so nostalgic

[@KiboSanti]

3:08 I used to be a passholder and I can PERSONALLY guarantee that this happens ALL THE TIME. You never get used to it, either. Assume every reachable surface in Disneyland has been licked by someone and wash your hands often.

[@retrorygaming]

2:17 When i was about 9 i took a stick and scratched up the neighbors car. The problem was i scratched my name on there. I was wondering how i got caught then but looking back, I was dumb. Another prank i pulled at that neighborhood was i opened all the cars gas tank covers. Everyone thought their cars got siphoned. I just opened the cover, not even the lid over the actual gas tank. I never got caught for that one.

[@bim282]

your neighbour here, very dissapointed to hear the truth

[@Alex_the_goofball_boy]

Bro is evil

[@RipVanFish09]

I have a good suspicion that the kid with the toilet seat was genuinely trying to become a skibidi toilet.

[@animaster2023]

Second kid is going places. Not quite heaven, but he's definitely going PLACES.

[@Barakon]

0:21 hmph, slick, y’a betta go talk to em bout why him & the English teacher ain’t gonna work but it’s okay if he just a has a crush. Maybe even give the birds & bees talk while you’re at it if need be.

[@BinglesP]

20:18 To be fair, that was basically the thought process behind the Sonic & Knuckles cartridge's Lock-On Technology gimmick.

[@t.kersten7695]

some kids use pens and markers to draw or write on the furniture. i was told, that i apparently used markers as a kid to draw pictures on the wallpaper to make it look better.

[@_Blanchett_]

I used scissors

[@BaldCoryxKenshinfan]

@@_Blanchett_😟

[@wantedbird55srandomchannel28]

That student letter was beautiful, even I started to cry a bit.

[@nationalinstituteofcheese3012]

Why do sweet things from kids end up on this subreddit? The kid helping his dad wasn’t stupid. I saw someone mocking a kid for picking up trash

[@ClownHoundII]

The dumbest thing I did as a kid was I threw up on my bed late at night, cleaned most of it, but didn't know how to change sheets or that the bed was also dirty. 6 year me was so close yet so far from the perfect coverup.

[@PeaNutttyyy]

NO WHAAAT

[@BaldCoryxKenshinfan]

@@moon-moth1you’d get surprised by how mad parents can get for no reason. My mom got mad at me for throwing up on the floor, when I couldn’t hold it in any longer. .. I was on my way to the bathroom to throw up. .. 😭

[@Skoopyghost]

To be fair. The more stupid you are as a kid. The smarter you are as an adult until you are a stupid 20 year old. You spend your 20s being a stupid 20 year old until you are 40.

[@MissRandomNomad0o]

0:05 Depending on the depiction, that's actually the correct way to ride a broom, with the bushy end of the broomstick emulating a horse's mane. However, since quidditch is mentioned, the girl is riding on the broom incorrectly. Feel free to correct me on this, I only remembered reading the tidbit in Horrible Histories.

[@TylerZeta]

The kid could have also sat on the broom like that as a joke and a bunch of nerds got upset over it.

[@MissRandomNomad0o]

@@TylerZeta I want this to be true.

[@KiriChan99]

Wait, really? Also...why is there a history of broom riding???

[@Handles_suck444]

*I LOVE HORRIBLE HISTORIES*

[@immagical7036]

1:27 I too, have a dumb kid + pen story: So when my twin and I were like four or five, we found a bunch of markers, I can’t remember what kind but permanent marker comes to mind. We had the bright idea to not use these markers on objects as surely Mum and Dad would find out. You wanna know what we did instead?? *WE DREW ON EACH OTHER*

[@TheMiningMeteor]

14:57 am I going mad or did Damien make the minecraft villager death sound when he said “class”?

[@fedethegreat88]

I think you may need to get off the cube game

[@TheMiningMeteor]

@@fedethegreat88 nothing can stop my hyperfixation. I haven’t slept in a week

[@abricotproduction9782]

No

[@atomicnumber202]

​@@TheMiningMeteor I assume 3 months of no sleep now?

[@TheMiningMeteor]

@@atomicnumber202 I can see the hat man.

[@StarkOnYoutube]

1:36 my sister once wrote bitch on the family desk and lied about it, then my brother got blamed and we soon figured out it was her, she got in trouble for not only writing it, but lying AND letting my brother take the blame.

[@lithellylbeleth4426]

0:05 I don't want to be one of those "WELL AKCHUALLY" people but in fact, historically that IS how witchcraft practitioners held the brooms they "rode" * when they danced around the bonfire so the kid isn't dumb, she's just esoteric *also when they rode the broomsticks around the bonfire they did so skyclad (naked) and they......ahem.....RODE the broom, as it was part of the magick in their rituals to bring themselves to.....ahem, a feverish extasy

[@cftyftyufyfuyfty]

Magically based

[@NikiGothBunneh]

Only according to men writing later, originally the broom was held like that to act as a distaff when spinning, which was also part of some of the pre-christian religious practice, to the extent the Norse "witch" was symbolised by a distaff (also where we get magic wands from)

[@brianartillery]

Broomsticks used in a ritual way often had a salve spread on them that could cause hallucinations, including the sensation of flight. Being naked, meant the absorption of the drug through the tissues of the female genitalia. Sorry, but there's no delicate way to say it. Makes Harry Potter look a lot less innocent now, eh?

[@Noobpopcan]

​@@NikiGothBunneh As a man, not my fault 🫄

[@Eranell]

Am I the only one who thinks that Jesus on the cross at 9:34 looks like JarJar Binks? XD

[@SorielHDTBers]

9:51 This isn’t stupid, it’s wholesome!

[@BinglesP]

17:32 Wait, that toddler _doesn't_ appreciate Buttered Toast? Ed would not approve.

[@ChaosBlitzBeta]

The cookbook is just adorably, and comedically golden.

[@charlesajones77]

Okay, I legit laughed at the "Emo men screwing in a light bulb" joke. And the watermelon one was pretty clever.

[@randomidiotonyoutube]

yeah those jokes were rlly clever tbh

[@Moehre040]

to the kid signing under something he smeared and then shifting the blame i've got a similar story: Neighbour's kid and me were friends. One day he decided to write his name on my wallpaper, and when my parents found out and got mad he tried to shift the blame to me. Only problem with that story was that i could write propperly and he was called Max, but constantly wrote Ma+ instead.

[@gamegod6859]

mah- plus

[@carlynotcarley]

Damien’s laugh is so contagious I love it so much

[@AlexanderScott66]

The secret to making kids not do stupid s*** is to make them realize that what they're doing is stupid. If they write on the bare table, simply ask them why they did that and what they thought was going to happen.

[@unknown20005]

i look up alot of random weird stuff out of sheer curiosity and it’s alot of stuff that if seen by any other person would make me look like a psychopath or something so yeah remember to educate about how to properly delete your search history and teach about incognito mode and how to use it

[@josephdavis9234]

"None, they just sit in the dark and cry. Category: Dark humor" I mean, you're not wrong.

[@TheoMcAllister]

Feeling like chicken nuggets is very relatable, this kid got it all figured out

[@Yuruble]

13:45 - I've babysat the same family for 10 years. Last year, I asked how old the 12 year old thought i was. 19. His mom trusted a 10 year old to drive him & his brother around & watch them by themselves

[@adndgoblin]

Okay, so I have a story similar to this. 4:31 A little background when I was probably 11-12 I was tasked to clean the living room, we had something on the carpet to make it smell better. My mom and dad worked so it was just me cleaning, what my mom wanted me to do was take the *vacuum* hose and get the corners, but when I got the text saying "Use the hose to get the corners" I thought she meant a water hose. I got more information and didn't hose down the living room with water, but I almost did.

[@obnoxiousbluebird6634]

The wheelbarrow in the house kid reminds me of when I asked my 4 year old son to "put the milk away", and found out 3 days later that he thought by "away" I actually meant "anywhere you feel like" when I found the milk carton sitting beside the little "boy and dog" statue in the backyard flower garden!

[@elijahjarman2837]

Wait, no... That kid with the 'backwards ' broom had it right, historically speaking

[@KiriChan99]

Wait, what? Explain please!

[@elijahjarman2837]

@KiriChan99 historically speaking, most lithographic prints depicting witches flying held their brooms with the bristles facing forwards

[@KiriChan99]

@@elijahjarman2837 Really? Weird...

[@elijahjarman2837]

@@KiriChan99 reality is often stranger than fiction

[@KiriChan99]

@@elijahjarman2837 I guess so lol

[@mikaeloverfjord9047]

Wow, that part with the kid's recipies reminded me of an adorable book (although it is in swedish) "Gud som haver barnen kär har du någon ull".

[@GymbalLock]

2:05 my little brother tried the same thing. He wrote on the couch with magic marker, then wrote my name. However, he wrote some letters backwards, which my parents knew i'd already grown out of.

[@Riley_Studios]

3:04 when they tell you that Disneyland is a world of pure imagination, but it’s not quite the same as the chocolate factory

[@ZeroGT_]

my younger sister once drew all over the dining room walls in our brand new house. she was about 5 or 6 years old at the time. when my mom confronted her,she said whiskers did it. whiskers was my pet cat. my dad said incredible! we've had whiskers for all these years and he's never colored on the walls before.

[@SuperMarkerComicBro]

20:18 I wanted to do the same thing, but with my computer games. I wanted to combine _Freddi Fish_ and _Blue's Clues_ into one game. I think I told one of my parents I wanted to do that, and they told me it wouldn't work, so I didn't try it. In hindsight, glad I didn't. Also, that may have been foreshadowing how much I'd enjoy crossovers when I grew up.

[@Shinyspddmn]

1:05 never before have I felt so attacked by something not even directed at me

[@UmmmmmmmWhat]

3:06 reminds me of going to a nearby amusement park for a friend's birthday. One roller-coaster had a certain wall just plastered with pieces of gum. A dare was made... yeah, that was gross to see my friend do. Honestly, i have quite a few fun memories from that park. They also had one of those spinning rides that the floor drops out, with a viewing area above. Got to see one guy barf when it was at full speed from above, and it kinda just spread around at head level into other nearby people behind him in the rotation. Gross as heck, but absolutely hilarious to 10 yr old me. 😂

[@euosvarietychannel6986]

The fact they wrote EXACTLY what the kids doing the cook book said is really, really funny to me. Like that teacher knew this would be hilarious

[@wr3nche5]

18:23 the amount of psychological damage the term "big shot" does to me after 2021-

[@wantedbird55srandomchannel28]

@@wr3nche5 kromer

[@T1gerTaylor]

10:53 me and my sister would tell "yo mama" jokes to each other too, and the ones she told me are the only ones i remember nowadays One of them doesn't have any funny punch to it at all and it kinda falls flat, but it's my favorite for some reason: "Yo mama so big that she walked in front of the TV and I missed 4 seasons!" Seasons of what? The show? The weather? No matter what the answer, it is profoundly stupid and I love it.

[@frostbite5607]

My family would always have debates when we ate dinner together, and some got a little heated. I thought this was funny, so one night when I was about 12 years old, I started a stupid argument and recorded it. Because I thought it was so funny, I wanted to send it to someone. However, because my family was a part of the argument, I decided not to send it to them. Having no friends who I thought would enjoy the video, I decided to send the video, of my family arguing, to my therapist.

[@attackfrogs]

that kid licking the handrail poll, it looks like it was raining, so she was probably licking the rain water off the poll 😬

[@florian8599]

Well, that's actually accurate to some Early Modern Period depictions of witches riding brooms that I have seen in historical collections of some libraries. Yes, GERMAN libraries with Really Old Books and Incunabula.

[@DeliciouslyRep]

11:33 I was able to decipher the search history and got this (starting from the bottom): •"Uptown Funk" by Mark Ronson •Possibly "The Simpsons" •"Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus •"You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift •And obviously Tommyinnit the gaming KZbinr

[@AWholeBeew]

The birthday card one seems more like an r/thathappened. That handwriting is way too neat.

[@nikkivillemaire4855]

The Kid's Cookbook; I almost peed myself laughing!

[@osheridan]

1:11 Sounds like something from BadWomensAnatomy or NotHowGirlsWork 😭

[@Obs3ver]

5:30 in Britain we had our own version of AFHV called “you’ve been framed!” (Hosted by harry hill, if my memory serves me correctly) Good times watching that show with my siblings, couldn’t breath at times…

[@ViperMageRB]

the mention of tom burgeron and afv just made my day, thanks damien

[@OnlySimpFor2D]

I love the history. Reminds me of my little bro

[@Zynixed]

Fr

[@Yuruble]

5:15 - My sisters & i thought it was funny to run around giving each other rhinos, where you would knee someone in the butt.

[@vertanishock7900]

I do believe Disneyland girl was thirsty and the pole had water. I did the same crap as a kid.

[@tafae08]

I have a cavity and its getting better but i screamed bloody murder because it hurt so bad and you are helping me forget the pain

[@PPlISS]

Hey guys, the second kid is just doing research. Hes going somewhere!

[@unitedcacti1885]

11:33 IS MY POST. OMG I WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN I SAW IT

[@フィッシュラス]

16:21 he just wanted some cake :(

[@Luna-Taxers]

I saw it and was "Wait that isn't a normal cake"

[@FormerChildProdigy]

Hey, Damien--my sister did the "writing sibling's name on stuff" (wrote my name on my wall) when she was 6 and I was 8, and they still believed her and blamed me for it!

[@twobrosincorporated]

14:21 two great ones in a row. I don’t say this much but I cried of laughter 😂😂😂

[@blackbird7889]

When I was 4-5 yrs old, I watched Willy Wonka. I was enchanted at the idea of wallpaper with flavours, and even though I was pretty sure it was just fiction, I tried it. I licked the only wallpapered wall in the house. The bathroom wall. It tasted terrible XD

[@burnt-potatoes]

Was it next to the toilet?

[@blackbird7889]

@@burnt-potatoes lol, it was beside the sink. But it wasn't a very big bathroom XD

[@batchampa]

I met my brother in the library once and my niece was so excited to see me that she ran up and sack whacked me. It dropped me to the ground but I don't think I've ever encountered anything so funny in my personal life before. I will never let her live that down, but I know it came from a place of love

[@liatrisblossomheart4013]

gonna be real i was not expecting a 9/11 joke from this particular subreddit holy shit

[@lilycross1356]

Unsure how old I was - but when I was young, I was looking at two giraffes at the zoo, turned to my Mom and said they looked exactly the same. She responded with the fact that they only looked similar because they were yellow with brown spots. I came back with, "They're exactly the same - just a little bit different!" I was a stupid kid, and my family still won't let me live it down nearly 20 years or so later.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

The recipe ones are so funny! You know they just do it for the parents to have a good laugh.

[@deweyduckey]

10:22 why is this on r/kidsarestupid? It’s so sweet man

[@Fluffymintthecat]

I remember writing a Christmas card to my grandma on my dad’s side and it went something like “merry Christmas! Did you know it’s also your son’s birthday? Did you get him a gift?” And when my grandma went up to me and went “I thought this was a Christmas card!” And I said “it is. I wrote merry Christmas on it.”

[@sophiefrankis9476]

My own story. My sister (let's call her Holly) wrote her name our wooden bunk bed. Then she tried to blame me. Mum didn't just call her out. Instead she called me and asked me to write her name. And I did. H-O-L-I. (I have dyslexia) My mum just looked at my sister. And my sister was defeated.

[@deweyduckey]

2:43 better put that kid in adoption

[@Graytail]

03:00 What do you do now? Tap it on the biometric scanner. Well, assuming that country has the contactless biometric data chip in the passport anyway... we do in the UK. i see.. chinese, or japanese? So I'd imagine they do.

[@TiotyMelon]

8:50 these children speak like I do on Discord

[@NachoCheeseDorito-Kun]

I'm a KFC/Taco Bell worker and the Food Menu entry cracks me up SO much. I'm allergic to cinammon so I have to avoid the TB line, and Cheesey Rollups are the ONLY TB item I know how to make lol

[@georgemcclelland5207]

3:06 I think it's raining, so the kid licking the pole might be doing it for the water

[@blueyoshi8517]

Actually, the broom traditionally goes brush first.

[@lithellylbeleth4426]

came to say the same thing also considering tradition it's probably.....inappropriate for a kid to be riding a broom

[@NikiGothBunneh]

​@@lithellylbeleth4426the "inappropriate" reason was a later addition. Originally it was that way round because brooms were used as improvised distaff by poorer women, and the distaff was used in some forms of ritual and such in pre-christian Europe. (It's also where we get magic wands from, look at what a Norse distaff looks like)

[@lithellylbeleth4426]

@@NikiGothBunneh I am aware, I have a ritual distaff, I was referring to the use in sex magick rituals

[@Matias-lt4iu]

I want more of this subredit

[@darcydreaming6931]

Aw man, I remember when I used to think kissing was how reproduction was done. Yes, I was (and still am) a dumbass. No, my parents weren't any better. No, I do not know how I'm still alive. Yes, I frew up

[@wyzolol]

does that mean when you were kissed by relatives you thought a baby would be born

[@darcydreaming6931]

@@wyzolol yeah lmao

[@theprimegamer7086]

i remember being blamed on mutliple occasions for drawing on shit in the house because my sister put my name on her work

[@whitepearlreaper]

Oh man I remember doing that cook book as a kid. I took it so seriously and worked on it the night before with my mom and wrote it all down and submitted that. Just a normal ass recipe.

[@LessaCaira]

lol. My little brother and I *still* do Yo Momma jokes to each other and I'm 50. Yes, we have the same mom. It's still funny.

[@Smartlion1]

20:18 i remember i put multiple DVDs in the slot style dvd drive. I interpreted the hard disk drive activity light as a "multiple dvd light" so i tried to put 2 dvds in. it had to be serviced

[@nikitatavernitilitvynova]

My mom once made a your mama joke on me in Russian and I looked at her funny and said: "You realize you're making fun of yourself right?"

[@kieranduffynumberonefan]

13:17 something similar happened when me and my little brother were kids. he put the paper dvd cover in the wii and i couldnt get it out and i was so pissed. i dont remember what happened after that but i do remember he did it while we were playing m&m wii sports (we went to happy's for the first and only time before it went out of business) and the game was either too hard for a 5 and 7 year old or it was too laggy to play

[@cftyftyufyfuyfty]

20:15 kid learned how to sous vide from cryptic symbolism in his dreams

[@xnamkcor]

"Slay" is just the new way of saying "Get some".

[@Sacknana]

emkay is no longer running out of ideas istg

[@ayoayo1044]

2:00 i tried doing that to my sister. I wrote her name on my mom's wall. My mom later brought everyone in and laugh at me, I felt ashamed

[@TheCorazonPawprint]

9:17 Had me rolling 😭💀

[@OctoPlex24]

13:41 at least its kinda better because once I had a card like that when I was in like 1st grade and they asked "how olds your mom?" and I didn't know so I guessed 58, my mom was 27

[@Zinervawyrm]

Well duh! The first president was Getty Imeges, what do you think the Gettysburg Address was talking about? LOL XD

[@CourierCat-isGod]

2:48 that adoption center over there looks like it could use some more kids 3:07 that kid is dead