This Mistake Teaches Your Toddler To Ignore You…

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks for watching! Do you think this will work with your toddler? Don’t forget to get your communication milestones chart here: brightestbeginning.com/communicationmilestoneschart/

[@MRM_241]

I love your videos! Sorry to be slightly off topic but can you please make a video about your opinion on sleep training methods, particularly Ferber? And their long term effect on the psychological health of babies? This is a controversial topic and I can't find a conclusive answer. I think your input will be very valuable. Thank you!

[@sarahrobertson634]

Who has time to stop multi tasking and focus on a toddler? It would take an entire village worth of people helping with the kid in order for mom to be that focused...hmm...that sounds familiar...

[@sarahrobertson634]

@@ChiefHerzensCoach You sound a bit mental, my friend. There's nothing in this vid that states that there's an expectation of total submission. Toddlers do need to pay attention to adults. Adults need to time their instructions properly, and stop multi tasking when it's time to parent. You missed the point of the video entirely. When children are calm and submissive, they're the most mentally healthy. They are slowly and gently elevated in the pack order by their parents, until they surpass their parents and become self actualized, but parents are the pack leaders first. Hierarchy is natural law. Power and responsibility go together, and the reason children can't handle power is because they lack the experience to be fully responsible for themselves. Just because you're butt hurt about authoritarian parenting doesn't mean you should misunderstand and attack authoritative parenting. Too emo to reason.

[@jammRJ]

Does this work with older kids like first graders ?

[@bradendestiny2]

I'm having an issue with my toddler spitting his drink on everything(floor, toys, shirt). Any advice?

[@bubblebuffy]

As this video began, I was thinking: “it’s bedtime!” isn’t an instruction... So, yes, to agree with you, telling them something like “please go and choose the PJs you want” (for example) does tend to get a better response. I’m constantly surprised by how specific I need to be! (“Wash your hands with soap! Sit on your bottom!”etc.) Just getting used to it and my youngest is 4 😆 (my oldest (8) is autistic with language challenges so we continue to use short, clear instructions for him.)

[@bevfitzsimmonds3382]

Yes. With autism on any level, an implied instruction is absolutely useless! At any age, even adult.... 😏

[@MNkno]

Our younger son as a toddler, when told it was bedtime, the first thing he would do was to turn off the family TV and stand in front of it until we stood up and put things away along with him, and we ourselves got ready for bed when he did. It was irritating, but impressive.

[@fouadatwi4842]

omg he uno reverse card-ed you

[@miyounova]

@@anjafrohlich1170 what's up with god ?!

[@Kreuzrippengewoelbe]

Tells you who's in control.

[@Ghorda9]

@@miyounova why do you care?

[@The_InfantMalePollockFrancis]

@@anjafrohlich1170 You sure about that?

[@dendritolotl]

I was discussing with my nephew about whether or whether not we are putting on shoes. He wanted to go outside. Turns out he didn’t understand the connection between going outside and putting on shoes (it was cold and wet outside, in summer I don’t mind barefoot). For him it was like „I wanna go outside“ „okay. We‘re going to do this completely unrelated thing now though“ and he got frustrated, so after saying let’s put on our shoes twice I explained it and said „you said you want to go outside right? We cannot go barefoot because it’s cold. We have to put our shoes on in order to go outside“. He sat down happily and was very glad we were finally putting on shoes and going outside. It didn’t even occur to me that he might not understand the connection at the time. Tbf I was 18ish back then and have learned a lot over the years 😁 but yeah, sometimes we just have to keep in mind their brains just work differently and see why they don’t do what we would like them to do

[@talkingbirb2808]

I think that a loot of kids in school have the same problem: they are taught to do something but they don't form connections, they just learn the algorithms and it's really bad

[@WitchOracle]

It's such a simple thing to say "I want to go outside too! But it's cold out so we need to put on our shoes and jackets" etc but it's deceptively simple because as adults we just have that thought process almost automatically after years of experience with cold=shoes (etc). I think I'm going to try practicing just narrating what I'm doing and why to see how many "this result requires this action" processes I take for granted.

[@SoMagicalMichele]

Half of your children need eye contact to hear. The other half are unable to hear while being forced to have eye contact. Learning this is powerful and explained to me why some of my kids listened to me and others didn't.

[@blackfiree91]

This is the best explanation of parenthood that I have ever read 😂

[@Jlove85]

Good advice. It's really about how they receive

[@lorrimang]

This only happens with kids whose parents didn't know the vid above. If the consequences of not responding are adequate they hear you alright. It's only the conscientious ones who hear you otherwise.

[@SoMagicalMichele]

@@lorrimang I would recommend Body of 9 to learn why I am accurate. It is a physiological thing.

[@genxx2724]

That kind of catering does not prepare them to function in the world.

[@yoyohanaBR]

I'm not a parent, but I'm pretty sure this advice will work with some adults too... 🤣 joking aside, great video!

[@mammutMK2]

My ex wife is a great example, running around "let's go, let's go" but she was still starring in her phone and didn't got ready. And even as an adult your learn pretty fast after sitting around fully dressed and sweating, just wait until she gets pissed and starts screaming around that you just scream back in response "your screaming around since 15 min to get ready and your the only one that not ready".

[@ldc4817]

It does! 100%, people respond to clear positive communication. Just add in normal adult tone to prevent condescension

[@kellharris2491]

Works with animals as well. Big Dogs need clear guidance or they can hurt someone. And that's on you not them.

[@yo6285]

adults are toddlers

[@pulsar22]

@@yo6285 beg to disagree. Some are babies ...

[@justinahole336]

Engagement is key - being fully present and undistracted is how I got my kids to pay attention. This has carried on into their teens...at least so far...check back in a few years to see how that went. 😜

[@mayathebraveofkitwanga448]

What do you mean? Can you explain please?

[@justinahole336]

@@mayathebraveofkitwanga448 I'm always aware of where they are and what they are doing and why. In that way, if they are not responding, we can stop and talk about it, which we did - usually calmly and lovingly. I gave them lots of room to wander and play and work through things, but by being aware, I was prepared and informed - the message was always, "dad is on the job."

[@theknight1573]

@@justinahole336 make sure they also get privacy (especially as teens) but otherwise you seem to be doing very well, keep it up!!

[@justinahole336]

@@theknight1573 Awe! Thanks! Agreed! Privacy and autonomy are really important in the teen years - it's all about separation and independence. but, again, check back to see if I got it right.

[@walqqr1]

@@theknight1573 privacy is important, but even privacy has limits, when you're a minor your parent still has to check on you now and then, safety always comes before privacy.

[@rubym3915]

Toddler parenting is the most difficult thing in the world because no matter what IT"S NEVER THEM.. it's always you. What YOU can do better, what YOU can train yourself to do more of, less of, none of. It's the most exhausting journey I've ever encountered. The amount of emotional regulation we have to pull out of our asses, because many of us were never taught that skill, it's astonishing. We have to constantly be better so that they may or may not pick up some of those traits. Can you tell we are in the thick of it? Can you tell that I'm over trying so hard? There's no solution other than do better parents. UGH.

[@tarajerard8968]

Just know that all of your efforts will be passed on to your grand children and onwards. There will always be a point in someone's family line where someone needs to break the cycle. It's my turn.

[@esecallum]

really? you call their name. make eye contact and speak. works.

[@esecallum]

@@AmoebaInk i see you all have been jabbed and and never made the connection between the jabs and your conditions. Too late for you.

[@NutsNBerries]

That’s why I tell people I will love the teenager stage better

[@IllidanSturmgrimmDeusVult]

You sound very egoistic and infantile. Are you a single mom? Of course it is the responsibility of the parents. A toddler can not go vote or drive a car. He is not aware of consequences. There is nothing more time consuming or nerve eating yes, but also nothing more beautiful and fullfilling than the time with little kids. I do not know you but your text gived off depressed single mom that does not want responsibility vibes.

[@goawaypleasethanks]

Mum always hated parents who did that "1,2,3" bs because it teaches the child to keep acting out until 3. You only give them one ask and if they don't listen, act accordingly.

[@michaelenglish839]

It also incorrectly teaches them that timers start at one instead of zero.

[@nbceveningmusic1649]

Wrong. 123 works brilliantly for me because there’s always a punishment at 3. Always. Without fail.

[@michaelenglish839]

@@nbceveningmusic1649 If there's always a punishment at 3:00 then that means they keep acting out until you get to 3 which proves their point.

[@Tyrisalthan]

​@@michaelenglish839That logic is flawed. If the child gets punished at 3, they pretty soon figure out that they must act before it gets to 3, so at 2 at the latest. Nobody wants to intentially get punished several times per day. Well, maybe if you are a masochist, but even in that case there is consequences that they don't want, so it's a matter of how you implement the punishement. But I don't think that it would be necessary to be that strict either, and punish the child constantly. As long as the punishement is on the table if things don't eventially go as they should, it's usually enough. If the child has understud what they are supposed to do, and had sufficient time to do it, they usually do it. At some ages children test their parents intentionally and see what reaction they get from them, and at those times you have to follow up on what you have said. But most of the time there is no need for punishements, the praises for doing right is usually much better incentive anyway.

[@michaelenglish839]

@@Tyrisalthan You don't have kids obviously

[@AllThePeppermint]

"It's bedtime!" That's a declaration. And if you as the parent keep doing whatever it is you're doing, you're modeling a declaration that means nothing. If your declaration is followed by ritual habits, then the declaration means *something*. It means preparing to go to sleep, such as brushing teeth, possibly a bath, putting on pajamas, etc. I rarely have to even consider discipline, because I'm doing everything with the child/children and we are enjoying the process together.

[@100bgeagle]

Thanks for all your help being a first timer grandpa. Just one item I want to bring up is when my little 4 month old girl is crying I take her to my aquarium 100 gal with big colorful fish, and she is completely enthralled for about 30 mins!! I love my aquarium along with the little one!!

[@jennifernorman9655]

You sound like a fantastic Grandpa :-)

[@100bgeagle]

Thank you, I try!

[@KarlainChrist]

You’re an awesome grandpa God bless you and your family and grand babies to come ! In Jesus Name Amen 😊

[@jackdeniston6150]

wow, good she has learned to swim so young

[@janetmichel3009]

Pregnant with my first right now. Glad that all the practice I have in training 3 dogs can be applied basically the same to toddlers!

[@thechancan5254]

There are loads of parallels between dog training and raising kids. Also congratulations! 🎊

[@Ark-Angel44]

Almost identical. No treats though. I always used praise rewards with my shelties. 😂

[@rubthesleep]

It depends on the kid. Good luck it's rough out here. Enjoy the baby moments 😅 her stuff works for some kids but noooot for mine. Love him but he's just super independent, stubborn and loud. At least I know he doesn't give in to peer pressure 🤷 "it's time to get in the car" actually means, I'm going to pick you up and drag you or you can get in the freaking car nooooow 🤣

[@Ark-Angel44]

Love Shelties! 😂 Consistency and keep it simple.

[@mwahha6965]

Haha I was thinking the EXACT same thing, two dogs and a baby due! Have a background in dog training. Dogs have a brain size of a two year old human so the similarities must be strong.

[@S.Clause]

Don’t just feed them food; eat your food along with feeding them; and be excited about eating your food.

[@jadeenglene]

Noone should eat alone. They learn by looking at you. And we socialize by talking about our day simultaneously. In my country we do that every evening and even sit down at holidays to eat with our family and friends for like 5-6 hours straight.

[@thedayidied]

I'm going through this EXACT ISSUE with my toddler right now. Thank you for this advice - I can't believe that, despite having studied psychology over half my life and having worked for years in that field, I haven't realized this pattern. I truly, TRULY am grateful for this video.

[@cherrybae43]

i hate parents i hope you all d1e😂😂😹

[@Sarah-ic4yu]

I also have a background and psychology and have definitely learned just how difficult it is to recognize patterns in your own behavior-I think knowing your intentions (regardless of whether or not they come to fruition) behind your behavior can certainly cloud your perception of yourself. I really struggled training my dog bc he isn’t the most trainable (he’s half husky) and would’ve likely been very successful with a dog who is eager to please, highly motivated by food/praise/play, and not strong willed. But my dog presented challenges that made me change my behaviors to make things easier, and my approach wasn’t as effective. I reflected often on how I was approaching things, and I was fully willing to admit mistakes I made, but i didn’t have success identifying the issues in my approach until I decided to go to a trainer. She helped me see things I was simply blind to, no matter how hard I tried to be objective and how often I assessed myself and reflected on things I needed to improve on. It’s especially important, I think, for those of us with backgrounds in psych to remain humble, reflective, always willing to admit mistakes or weaknesses, and be eager to learn from others! My mentors always encouraged us to seek counseling to help us stay aware of ourselves so our own shortcomings didn’t get in the way of our job.

[@tobuslieven]

I think this is super important information for teachers and teaching assistants dealing with slightly older children who didn't get this input at a younger age. Brilliant video. Thanks.

[@Eatbutternow]

I’ve been trying to explain this concept to my family members my whole adult life(15 years) and all they do is argue with me claiming that since I don’t have kids I can’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve had to watch as they do the exact wrong thing and then whine about how they think they the fact that their kids don’t listen is just because they are victims of bad luck. They think the parents who have kids who listen are just lucky and aren’t doing anything different than they are. It’s infuriating and heartbreaking at the same time.

[@boxbuddys8544]

Just realised I have no children.

[@dendritolotl]

Same but the parents in the flat above ours constantly shout at them and i was wondering why 😄

[@hezeli4511]

Lol 😂😂😂

[@brigittemurphy879]

She is GOOD!

[@kendallmcguire]

Same, but fascinating nonetheless

[@ProWhitaker]

And I should be asleep

[@kamilavalic6967]

Emma, you are a true gem! This is the perfect level of parental education we are missing out there. No exaggerated emotions, just simple instructions without losing our minds. Sometimes I do wonder: since when we pay more attention to really investing ourselves in, say dog training, rather than developing a effective communication with our kids? Not comparing dogs to kids, but sort of I am… Because if you think about it, both require our clear leadership and as less negative emotions as possible with support! Thank you for your content!

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thank you Kamila!

[@kellharris2491]

Applied behavioral Analyses is like this. It's fancy Psychology......that feels like dog training.

[@Mat5881]

@@kellharris2491 I second that.. It most certainly does.

[@Girlypop3232]

You can also give them choices such as "would you like to walk to the car like a dog or like a bunny". They are so caught up trying to figure out which one they want they don't even consider that there are other options. LOL

[@juiice]

This made me laugh. My kids would spend more energy thinking up other options to avoid doing either than it would take to do the actual walking!

[@Girlypop3232]

@@juiice :D

[@RoseTheRealest]

Lol this is genius, thanks for the tip

[@abigailloar956]

​@juiice yup, I've tried the option stuff and it opens a portal to hell everytime.

[@jasjeetkaur5639]

Mine would simply say "no I want to dance"

[@smileyface702]

I'm a primary school teacher and this advice was really helpful for behavioural management. Thanks!

[@otpays8552]

scary youre already a teacher and dont kno this. not just you im sure. this is why i pay for private for my kids

[@ChemEDan]

@@otpays8552 Not as scary as the fact you reproduced.

[@Emma2537ly]

@@otpays8552 and u think privat schools are any better the teachers who learn to become normal teachers teach in privat schools I was in one and it was a waste of money some are good but u have to be lucky enough or search long enough too find them

[@friendgray1]

@@otpays8552 the benefits of private education are the class sizes, extra-curricular opportunities and long term connections and biases that will help the child when applying for uni/jobs etc. The teachers are not necessarily any better or more qualified. If you’re happy sending your children to private school, good for you. You don’t need to try and tear someone down in the process of boasting about being able to do so, though.

[@judyb1643]

@@otpays8552Teachers and educators are educated and paid accordingly to teach children a set curriculum, with up to as many as 30 children at any one time per class, all with unique temperaments, from an array of rich cultural backgrounds and all manner of socio economic backgrounds, learning styles and and requirements, etc, teaching is definitely not an easy gig. It is a parent/s or caregivers responsibility to raise up and role model adequately to their own children first and foremost and seek outside help if they are finding this a difficult task.

[@nicb4526]

I like to give my 3yo a choice related to what needs to be done. Something like "Time to get in the car! Would you like to take your airplane or your helicopter in the car with you?" I don't always remember this but it really helps to get the focus off of stopping what we're doing and more on what fun thing we're doing next.

[@csillabarna2052]

My little one has a very good temperament, and I luckily applied all of these tips with him, so he's cooperative even in the unpleasant acts (nose vacuuming, brushing teeth), is willing in packing his toys and helpful in household work.

[@djl3009]

"... you need to be fully present with your toddler ...." -- in my personal experience (which includes the role of a parent), raising the moment by moment level of "presence" is all that is ever needed to face any challenge -- not just dealing with toddlers. By simply being more present you need not clutter your mind with endless lists of (well meaning) rules and guidelines. Through personal experimentation it has become clear that right/appropriate action always flows forth in presense.

[@rubym3915]

No shade, but what if you are exhausted and unable to stay present? What if you have adult ADHD and staying present isn't always a capability? This is neurotypical advice that I severely wish was as easy for me as you are mentioning it is.

[@suzettesharpe6618]

That's a most excellent reminder♥

[@djl3009]

@@rubym3915 What I wrote is simple but not necessarily easy. I'm not sure how this will land but I'd like to clarify that what I'm about to write here, comes from a place of caring/compassion. Being diagnosed with ADHD (or any similar condition) could be seen as a double edged sword. On the one hand it may provide some kind of 'comfort', in that, the difficulties being experienced can now be seen as not your fault. And to be completely clear, it is true that it is not your fault. On the other hand it could also work as a trap for the mind. All labels tend to trap us once we start to identify with them. None of what I've written so far is intended to minimise or diminish the challenges that you face in any way. As a suggestion, consider reading/listening to Eckhart Tolle's teachings on presence -- specifically on acceptance -- acceptance of "what-is". What happens after that is unknown. You'll have to discover it for yourself.

[@ecidnac1988]

I'm not a parent yet but I love your videos. I'm learning not only how to best interact with a future child 🤞but also with my niblings. We see them weekly and it's great learning better ways to navigate these situations.

[@EmmaHubbard]

So happy to hear you are finding these videos helpful! It's awesome to hear you are watching these in preparation for when do have kids in the future.

[@stickyfox]

Another way to model desired behavior is to put your phone down and respond to your kids the first time, instead of mumbling "mommy's doing wordle sweetie."

[@gomigirl]

I'm a Preschool teacher and I use these methods with my Toddler class. They are the sweetest bunch of littles! 🥰

[@axcolleen]

Most key important here is to be honest and caring while doing these. Kids are very perceptive. Talk to them like a normal person that is age appropriate. Nobody likes being looked down on. When your kid realizes they are being understood, they will follow. Things are also easier for kids to do things when they do it together with their parents or guardians. Patience is important. Kids rely on you to learn, since they are on their learning stage and vulnerable to emotions. Please be nice to them.

[@gummybears4lunch]

Needed this! I've started falling into the pattern of repeating myself a lot and using negatives frequently. But we've done well so far with modeling behaviors and giving heads-up before a transition. So I need to create that pattern of full attention and request with a planned consequence. The consequence will be the hard part. Situations and requests can vary so much.

[@TheNativeTwo]

My wife has consistently had this problem with the kids, even up until today, when they are 10 & 12. It has caused her much heartache and drove a wedge in our relationship. Lots of fights and I can’t stand her yelling at the kids all the time. I keep telling her she needs to be more assertive, because I don’t have these problems. I am glad you have outlined it into specific steps because i was unable to, but this is what i was doing that worked for me. The kids listen to me, because if I say they have to do something, they have to do it. There is no option. And I give it my full attention, make sure to have their attention, and make it clear it is not a suggestion. And if I have to, there will be consequences. But at this point they just do it for me.

[@ahe79]

Have you thought of using the same firm, but loving approach with your wife that you do with your kids? Sure, she is an adult. And yes, she is responsible for herself. But she likely learned bad habits herself. And/or is ineffective at follow through, due to stress in other areas of her life, such as your relationship. Has her patience and overreactions gotten worse over time? You have to look back at yourself as well to explore the full answer as to why. Usually, relationships issues are not one sided. Though from each person’s perspective, it can feel that way. Look, not one of us likes to be judged or reprimanded. Many times, we don’t use clear communication when expressing our concerns, and it can come across as chastising and telling someone they aren’t good enough, and how to be better. Because spouses are supposed to be equals in a partnership, one telling the other how to parent is likely to have the OPPOSITE effect intended. Pointing out how they listen to you and why isn’t actually helpful. If you two aren’t able to discuss things without one or both of you being offended, perhaps a competent counselor could guide you through. Even little things like this can become a seemingly unsurpassable mountain before either realizes it. Your kids deserve for you both to have a better relationship. It’s hard. Relationships. In ways we aren’t made fully aware of until we find ourselves in the thick of it. Then we either feel stuck and act like a caged animal, using poor coping skills that do more damage than soothe, or we run away, because it is easier, and we convince ourselves this is the only way to be happy. We make happiness our highest priority. When happiness is only the bonus of life that is not guaranteed. Yet we tend to feel it is our birthright, due to false messages from society. The priority should be our responsibilities, developing compassion and understanding, and learning what sacrifice truly means and how it is relevant to our personal progression in this life. I know it isn’t easy, but I have a feeling your wife has everything in her to be what your kids need her to be. It is harder to discover this and flower under duress, in particular for certain personality types. Maybe give her the same patience and care you show the kids. See her as the unfinished being that she is. If you’ve stopped believing in her potential, perhaps work on that. Maybe your grace and faith in her will be the catalyst she needs. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m NOT blaming you for her choices and behavior. I just know enough from experience and observation of others that when one partner has a complaint, while simultaneously pointing out how they do something correctly, there is usually more to the story. Even if one or both parties are not yet fully aware of the unhealthy dynamic that has formed. Let’s say there is nothing you could improve on. (but realistically, who among us DOESN’T have SOMEthing?) Sometimes taking the high road yields better results. And I don’t mean the holier than thou high road. I mean the humble and benefit of the doubt high road. Your negative feelings towards her will only translate to your kids, inadvertently. She has much to give, as you do. And you each have different strengths and weaknesses. Find a way to use this to your collective advantage. To become the unit you both desire and your kids need. Round each other out. Find reasons to praise her. Reinforce to your kids that they should respect mom. She doesn’t have to be perfect to be deserving of it. Just as your kids don’t have to be perfect to be deserving of respect and love. I truly hope you two find a way to communicate better so each is understood, without it causing too much harm to the other and to the relationship. You’ve made it this far, which says a lot. You aren’t alone. Most of us go through this stuff, in some way, shape or form. Although you couldn’t tell by how we tend to present ourselves in person and online. I guarantee the most seemingly perfect family has their challenges that may be unseen in public. I’m not an expert, nor have I mastered my own life and relationships. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned anything in my 43 years. You can overcome what sometimes appears impossible. Hope may wane, but don’t let it go entirely. The future is unwritten.

[@dunkel776]

This seems really good advice. Easy to follow and so clearly points out how the error happens. Also gotta say, I really appreciate this video just getting right to the point. No delay or lead-in.

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thank you!

[@LeeBrenton]

Reading through the comments, I can say that i'm pleasantly surprised and happy for the people this video was helpful for.

[@deniseclepper1436]

I can see this working well with adults too. 😊

[@abpho207]

And puppies.

[@HKFromAbove]

These techniques I have used as a teacher. Very practical and it works. Great explanation video.

[@sarac.3259]

Makes a lot of sense. My daughter is now 14. I currently work as a primary teaching assistant, so I work with children mostly aged 7-10. For things like bed-time or something like saying good-bye/leaving (and therefore packing up or getting ready etc), I would always say, "another 5 minutes, then we will need to pack up/stop what we're doing or whatever". Children like a warning so they can adjust to stopping or switching, and most people I know tend to do that. For "easier" things, no warning necessary.

[@NicholasAlm]

This totally makes sense. Occasionally, I'll be in the middle of a task and my wife will ask me to do something right now. I understand the urgency but it sure is irritating to have to stop something right immediately without at least 2-3 minutes of warning.

[@surv2239]

Once told means do it and follow through with the consequences don't waste any time. I used the statements of let's do this or that. We grew up with the only time the word no is okay was if it was an answer to a question.

[@kellychristieforti238]

That’s amazing! I’ve read many of what you said in different sources but I had never put everything together by myself, and the way you organize it is great to understand the logic toddlers follow and how to improve our daily routine with them. Thank you for being so clear! 😊

[@gaurinayyar4754]

You have precisely described my household, And I tried your solution. It worked wonders Thanks Emma

[@Nativeblasianx]

This really helped me because I was feeling very worried since I never knew how to handle my own emotions, it's even harder to do that with your own child. It made me realize a lot of the things I was doing was wrong and makes me want to correct the behavior. Even though my child is only 11 months, this resonates a lot. Thank you so much for sharing. Would love to see more videos like this.

[@EmmaHubbard]

So glad it was helpful!

[@RickWeberEcon]

I’m going to use most of these tips with my boss from now on. Great advice!

[@Osprey850]

Meanwhile, your boss is watching this video, thinking, "These are great tips to use with Rick to get him to do his job instead of watching KZbin." 😄

[@fannysalgado1726]

😂😂​@@Osprey850

[@WaterNai]

You can give the child a heads up that things are changing from playtime to bedtime, etc., too. That way your telling them it’s bedtime actually means it’s bedtime, rather than that becoming an ineffectual first or second comment from you. It also gives the child some autonomy and an opportunity for learning to plan the end of things, since it’s not just sprung on them when they’re in the middle of something.

[@cathykrueger4899]

The heads up can also trigger all kinds of other behavior. Like saying they’re hungry. Or suddenly launching into sone kind of hyperactive play. Or running away. Or throwing a tantrum.

[@runenorderhaug7646]

I admit there is one part I worry about how this could be interpreted from my own psyche. The consequence part actually can enforce the not listening part cause of a fear response. I know this because of issues with how I myself reacted naturally to my father from the way he had raised me versus how I reacted to my mom. She was the one who did actually make sure to pay attention to the context while my father was the one who quickly raised his voice and attempt to also set in consequence. The two together dont necessarily help it either and I think that is something I see many people even in the comment section confuse. Much more emphasis should be put on the second part where in you focus on how you are communicating to the child themselves though consequence are still part of that. From research I myself have explored in relation to social and behavioral studies, this can become even more problematic when it is mxied with more authoritarian behaviors but when we understand more about what a "consequence" is and think about the rest of the video it can exemplify a lot of the often suggested to be beneficial "authoritative" response style that ensures truer understanding rather than focus on the consequence alone

[@patmaurer8541]

I remember as a child being constantly upset by the behaviour of adults--disrespectful, demanding, and aggressive. I complied (resentfully) because they were bigger and stronger, and learned to strategize (lying, manipulation) to avoid conflict. Thankfully, as an adult, I read about P.E.T., a communication course developed by Dr Thomas Gordon. I learned how to interact with all ages of humans in ways that are mutually respectful and cooperative. Everyone's needs get met and the home is full of trust, peace, and fun! ❤

[@jeanjaz]

When I'm helping young parents and telling them about "consequences" one of the first things I tell them is whatever you and your spouse have decided the consequences are to be, they are NEVER to be administered in anger. The main goal of discipline -- teaching a child to obey -- is teaching a child self-discipline. Anger does not promote self-discipline. With self-discipline, a child will grow up to go to eat their veggies before their dessert, go to sleep instead of watching TV, do homework instead of playing video games. Another great reason to teach your child to obey immediately is SAFETY. When your child doesn't run away from you in a parking lot, steps away from the edge of a pool when you ask, doesn't run into a street when they see a dog. As an adult who has been taught obedience without anger, they will follow instructions from authority figures (teachers, police, supervisors) with respect. Respect and boundaries. They are key in raising a child to be healthy, happy, and a successful member of society.

[@rachelreichert1966]

As a preschool teacher, I really appreciate your video and advice. Thank you!!

[@PlaidFox]

Excellent video, really opened my eyes to what my wife and I are unintentionally doing to our daughters. Could you give a couple examples of "Immediate Consequences"? I like how every other point shares a real world example but this one seems to skip any. Thanks!

[@misscarmen491]

Dear Emma, Thank you for sharing this! So helpful for our 2 1/2 yo who is refusing to pick up toys and other tasks. I look forward to viewing more of your content. Thank you again.

[@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646]

Try doing the task with a child that age. It aften works better than expecting them to do the whole lot themselves.

[@MWHAAHHAHA]

@@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646 yeh I agree with u on that

[@misscarmen491]

@@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646 Thank you. I will do that!

[@KLR2322]

What do you do when they say they don’t care about said desirable activity you’re trying to replace with? 4:59

[@carok6817]

Thank you so much, my toddler is 18 months old, you really help us to establish a very good relationship! I watched your potty training video, it was really well explained. You are a baby whisperer!!! 🥰

[@minglewis]

Raising voice was not allowed in our home growing up. And I always respond the first time my dad called me. And this is exactly what I do with my students now. Kids CAN be train.

[@katemiller5990]

Great advice and so well explained. I’ll have to show this video to my husband. I was trying to explain this exact same concept, but struggling. Thank you ❤️

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks Kate! Hope it helps 😀

[@helgaherbstreit5102]

Those are really good instructions. They build on the relationship with the child. It also helps prepare children in good time for what is to come. When a child is painting, like in the movie, they can finish what they are doing. You can say: It won't be long before it's time for you to go to bed. You can paint for a moment and then clean up. It helps if the child can complete what they are doing in peace. This makes the next step easier.

[@Somewhere-In-AZ]

I had three sons. I would say “can someone take out the trash?” My middle son always got right up and took out the trash. I missed him when he left home…😊

[@pernormann4869]

I often told my kids to "look me in the eyes". Most of the time i followed up with things such as do you want go to the play ground, do you want to have a bath, i love you etc. Worked like a charm everytime.

[@TheFeaz]

As I listen to this, I can't help but think of this new age thing that I see a lot of parents do where they start the whole counting thing ... they'll often give the warning, "I'm going to give you to the count of three!" I actually encountered this sort of thing when we were reluctantly forced into the position of having to Foster our grandchildren. I was renowned for interrupting such episodes saying, "I'm going to count to one!" They very quickly learned to listen to me the first time I said anything. Children don't come out of the womb particularly well educated, but that does not mean in any way that they are not smart. Kids, like most living creatures, are capable of observing and learning from patterns. Ultimately, they are a product of what you teach them.

[@dhanrajbhure6406]

Don't yell at the children. Make sure they've your full attention like if they are playing with toys, just take it from they hold their hands, look into their eyes and say in a calm but firm voice. Give them clear instructions and wait for them to process it and respond. If they don't listen, they should face consequences the first time not second. They don't like to pack their toys, so tell them what they'll like to do. Like first pack your toys, then park.! If your child is not playing safely with the toys(throwing of damaging intentionally) then tell them first cars are for driving on the roads not for throwing. And if you're not playing safely then I'll put it away and you'll not get to play with them, and DO IT.! If you're yelling at them then it's going to be difficult first time. But the key is CONSISTENCY and following through. It's important for them to know when you say something, YOU'LL FOLLOW THROUGH.

[@helenalderson6608]

My husband fell into this trap. Unfortunately, that meant that he wanted me to manage everything. I tried to train my husband, "you have to make them mind, even when it doesn't matter" I spent their first 7-8 years teaching them that when I say it, I mean it

[@mammutMK2]

The problem is some people understand a question as a question. Like your boss telling you "could you copy these documents", it's not a question, it's an order, but it sounds nicer...and you know when the order tone comes up its serious. Saying "could you bring down the garbage"...no, I'm just drinking my evening beer..."bring down the garbage, NOW"...first you asked me, now your ordering me?. No, you just wanted to be polite. Honey, don't you think the grass is to high? ... meaning : that grass is to high, it needs to get cut. Understanding : is not sure, needs second opinion.

[@deadparrot5953]

@@mammutMK2 The situations you describe are incredibly confusing to a small child. My mother is like that. Expecting children to "read between the lines" and understand that "Could you take out the garbage" is a command couched as a polite request, is frustrating and confusing. Say what you mean. If you want to be polite, use "please" and "thank you," not "could you" or hinting or beating around the bush.

[@mammutMK2]

@@deadparrot5953 and it is so easy: "bring me the box of lego" , not "could you bring me the box of lego?" ... the kid directly thinks, I'd that a question, is that an order? But even as grown up, depending in the situation, a friendly order since better than a dumb question

[@LydellAaron]

Pause devices and toys is huge. Eyes are sensory organs, taking in simulation for their brains. These are all really good points. Looking forward to desirable activity, after non desirable activity, is also huge!

[@kldavistxlittlegad2943]

These are techniques are used in Verbal Behavior. Very effective with consistency. Social praise after they comply is also key to reinforce the desired behaviors.

[@kiritokirigaya5972]

I'm so happy I found this channel. I was trying to find parenting advice and learn before I have a child in the next few years. I love that it gives step by step instructions and explains how if you get in the bad pattern it will be difficult but worth it to change

[@cstout185]

Yes I love the toddler info! I have a 20 month old and I’ve been hoping you’d put out more information on toddlers

[@mrsbethanyelise]

This is great advice! Definitely trying it with my toddler. I have a 2 week old and we're discovering a lot 🥴

[@okaycola2]

Congratulations!

[@gw6667]

Ditto. Three weeks! Lots to learn, should be an interesting journey

[@iwantabiscuitplz]

This is brilliant advice. I just recently started a job as an ESL teacher for 3-4 year-olds, they're a little older than toddler age but its still useful to know this stuff to manage their behaviour and get them to listen and follow instructions in effective, gentle ways. For example, the tip about telling them what to do as opposed to saying "don't do that" is surprisingly effective when I use it!

[@viharsarok]

Your toddler doesn't pay attention to you because you don't pay attention to him/her unless YOU need something. This is how adults treat each other. Just treat your child as an actual child, give him/her constant attention, prioritize him/her over adults and he/she will always listen to you.

[@leonardonetagamer]

This! My mother did this and minus a few occasions I always listened. It also helped that God was in the mix, so raise your kids to fear God, and get yourself and them saved!

[@ursulasmith6402]

@@leonardonetagamer yes, absolutely

[@argusfleibeit1165]

@@leonardonetagamer How utterly creepy. Do you threaten eternal damnation from imaginary forces, instead of just accepting you are the power in their lives? Way to end up with a bunch of atheist teenagers in the house.

[@leonardonetagamer]

@@argusfleibeit1165 I didn't end up atheist, so my mother did something right, and ill be doing the same. You are the creep, probably gonna change your kids gender using surgery the moment they say they like something different.

[@ahe79]

@@argusfleibeit1165 That’s a pretty flippant response. Are you always this judgmental? I was raised Christian, but have become atheist in my adulthood. My children (19, 18 & 15) all consider themselves Christian, (no specific denomination or church attendance) despite not being raised as such. I did, however, teach my children to respect all beliefs, (or rather, a person’s right to their beliefs) even if they don’t agree with them. You know, common courtesy. We’re all here trying to figure this thing out, and not one of us can prove the other wrong, when it comes to the existence (or not) of deities. We each have a right to believe what we wish. It’d be nice if we didn’t get insulted for our personal journey by those who disagree.

[@assai74]

This works with my 5,7 and 12 yr old boys, too. Thank you. Never too late to do the right thing.

[@danielserrano6867]

As a teacher and a parent, I really agree with this.

[@Ggdivhjkjl]

Good on you for saying to crouch to their level.

[@ChefMimsy]

In retrospect(my kids are almost 40+/-) I didn't have these problems with my children. That doesn't mean I didn't have them, it just means that behavioral issues weren't so much of an issue that they take up memory space in my brain, so I must have done ok. My daughter had her first child about 9 mos ago. She told me that she had a great childhood and that I was a wonderful mother. It was the single most wonderful thing anyone ever said to me. Anyway, my point is, when you're dealing with your kids, always treat them with respect, love and common sense. It'll all work out (Unless they're psychopaths, in which case, I don't know what I'm talking about).

[@eileenfb1948]

I always gave a reminder a couple of minutes prior, when possible, then just as you described I made sure it happened when I gave the instructions . He is grown up now.

[@芳玫唐]

Hi Emma! This is super helpful! I wish I had this insight a few years back when my kid was a bit younger. Can you suggest what steps I should take if I have already “trained” my kid not to listen? How do I go about undo this magic spell? 😢😂

[@leonardonetagamer]

Just start doing it, it should work pretty quickly

[@sharks1281]

Something thats working well here is making a plan. For example, daughter wants a bedtime story but we have no pj on or brushed the teeth. Then we make a plan. "How about this, we brush the teeth, put on pj and then story?" Sometimes I need to repeat it a few times in a happy voice cos kids like then it feels and seems more fun. Switch it up and maybe suggest pj first and then teeth or I come up with something crazy that they know I cant do if it gets to serious and then go back to the original "deal". It makes it alot easier for us.

[@SamAndFam311]

This is more challenging with my toddler because I also have a 3 week old and I'm normally feeding or changing the newborn when I'm asking my toddler to do or stop doing something.

[@EmmaHubbard]

It is really hard when you have a newborn and a toddler. Just do whatever you can at this stage.

[@Antyweszka]

Same here😣

[@SointexJambis]

Jeez... good luck.

[@francesniffenegger5605]

Yeah I have a 2yr old and 7m old. And yeah it's tough. And we've gotten in a not listening till I raise my voice habbit🤦‍♀️

[@SamAndFam311]

@@francesniffenegger5605 same here and I hate that so much. She doesn't get me to that point everytime, but it's more times than not 😫😞

[@ghousejetsfan]

I don't usually remember to give likes on videos. But today I did because of that bit you did, when you asked for a like. Was funny to me. Thanks for the reminder

[@EmmaHubbard]

Awesome, thank you!

[@kali1629]

So glad I came across your page!!!!! You have helped so much! I appreciate you!

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thanks so much!❤️

[@Zormac]

This was probably the nicest way I've ever been asked to give a video a thumbs up - and the most efficient one, too. Made me smile and click that button.

[@strangebird5974]

While I'm not sure I'm completely comfortable with the underlying behaviorist paradigm that seems to be peeking through, I think there were good advice here. I would add that sometimes it can be a good idea to tell your small child ahead of time that they will have to pack up their things and do something else. If a child is engrossed in play, it can be jarring to be pulled from that right away. The child might need time to mentally get ready.

[@jadeenglene]

I’ve seen children react with tears over things they got told ahead. I’m not sure why?

[@agirlisnoone5953]

She did mention telling the kids ahead of time what to expect. Did you not watch the video

[@jadeenglene]

@@agirlisnoone5953 Are you writing me?

[@suzettesharpe6618]

I'm a grandmother renewing my skills with my grands that scale is 21yrs down to 3yr & 1yr and one due in October 2024 needless to say they have been busy..... 😊 Thanks for helping me guide our Future in Truth, Love and Respect. Grandma Suzy❤

[@EmmaHubbard]

It's so nice to see you're open to continuing to learn and be the best grandmother for your little ones! They are very lucky!

[@missymiss2357]

In the U.S., this is very common among poorer households.Typically, it leads to schools that must resort to harsher and strict discipline because students are used to parents yelling before they comply and respond to teachers the same - or worse.

[@exosproudmamabear558]

Please also consider if your chilren have adhd my mother and I have adhd people needs to call me multiple times before I can even notice . I dont even hear them

[@sunnyday4055]

Thank you! I will try these new techniques on my husband

[@BigbossEssential]

Yes that’s a good tip about packing up toys. I take care of a class of kids on Sundays and they love going outside but only after they pick up the toys!

[@Dana-mb1hd]

emma💖 as a first time mama to a toddler this video is perfect timing! i’m guilty of doing these things and will be implementing your advice thank you!💖💖💖💖💖

[@EmmaHubbard]

I'm so glad it's helpful! 😀

[@Dana-mb1hd]

@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 thank you so much i needed to hear that today!!!!! i’m trying to be the best mama i can but some days i fall short. thank you for the kind words 💖

[@3enegerling773]

Thank you for this video. As a kindergarten teacher and father of two, I see the behavior mentioned so often. Especially when sentences are asked as questions instead of statements, or when parents are not consistent. If you tailor your communication to the needs of the children, you have already saved yourself a lot of work and the child a lot of stress. As someone who works with children every day, I can only agree with this video. Greetings from Germany.

[@EmmaHubbard]

Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience.

[@karoshi2]

Needed that explanation, although a good decade to late maybe. ;-) Will def try that anyways. Btw a pro tip for teens (prolly also for younger kids, though mysteriously it wasn't an issue back then): when they don't get ready for school in the morning without you raising your voice, tell them a simple consequence: "When you're not getting ready without me reminding and you're not at the breakfast table fully washed and dressed (!!! be specific) at x:yz then you seem to be tired, so you'll be going to sleep an hour earlier." And do it. In the beginning and the times they will forget that you mean it, there will be yelling, slammed doors and maybe tears, but it'll go much smoother all the other days. PS: love it when sometimes I have to remind: _knock knock_ - "WHAT?!?" - (sweetest voice) "Fine minutes leheft ..." - and then you hear them hurry in a panic. PPS: don't feel angry with them, though. A saying goes like "Puberty is a time limited mental illness". Guess that's also why I'm sure this here will work out.

[@SimplyBogusia]

Thank You! I’m currently struggling a lot with my 2.5 yo Son, this video is so simple and understandable I feel already supported and more calm. Motivated to use this knowledge asap 😎

[@kristinessTX]

This applies to teenagers as well. I just have to say it was so intuitive and yet it eluded me their entire time I was raising my son. I turned 18 last month and has left for work and further education. My job is done.

[@juliastockhausen7173]

You still have years of parenting to go...it's just different from afar!

[@voltexvoltex3283]

So true! I always get involve in my toddler's playtime/activity and listen to his demands while playing before I get him to follow my orders. Have to be fair and toddler's learn thru the parent's examples.

[@wordforger]

I need to work on this for working with students. They're older than toddlers, but it still applies, lol.

[@Didgadidg]

As parents, we found a very effective technique that works pretty well. Kids need TIME to integrate information. They need a clear BREFFING. So, whatever they're doing, tell them something like .: in 15 min (even though they don't understand time... you can show them the "big needle" of the clock. Then: in 10 min, then 5, then: It's time! Warning: YOU are the one in charge and toddlers are not very sensitive to words. They react to acts! So, bed time? You go with them; shower time? You go with them etc... it takes energy and patience.

[@marthas9255]

That's how my British teachers handled it at school while my Asian parents would yell, beat, then do the task themselves, and then insult you some more for not learning and then the situation repeats another time so all you end up with is, the kid never learned anything and now you have bad blood.

[@the2ndgem]

Listening to this makes me realize how we parents, technically speaking, are essentially dictators LoL. Very VERY good video, I got a lot from this

[@Andtherewasguitar]

Great video! I have a very will strong three year old and I feel I already did some things right like giving a preview what's to come, but the tip about stopping what I'm doing to give full attention was new. I'll give that a try next.

[@SepiaMaddy]

I don't know why KZbin recommended this and it's a nice video and all... but I'm very, very glad I'll never have to go through all this exhausting work.

[@tom940]

I dont personally have kids but listening to this reminded me of some adults i know. Have to wonder if this behavior can carry through ones entire life

[@ijustneedmyself]

I believe so. I know a couple of people who will use fidget toys or crochet while sitting in a training. Initially I found it to be disrespectful but, according to them, they actually learn better by not just sitting there, looking ahead, and doing what most would consider "paying attention".

[@katetheteacher]

Another great video, thank you! I like these video extracts you use, they are always so accurate. Can you please give the example of consequences? Do you mean punishment or something else?

[@jesshallock5346]

My mom had a bin that she would scoop everything into if we didn’t pick our toys up-then we’d have to earn the toy back through chores. If we didn’t respond the first time, she’d calmly says she’s getting the bin and shrieks would rise up as we frantically scrambled to grab anything we could 😂

[@mnm3755]

Thank you for this video. Like in your video, I softly tell my 20- month old daughter to do something & when she doesn’t, I resort to yelling, which terrifies her & make her listen. I will take your advice. Thank you so much! Would you mind making a video on examples of the kind of instruction we should give our toddlers? I feel some of my instructions are too complicated. Thanks!

[@chibigirl8545]

Most mammals in general learn best through mimic. If you want your toddler, that has limited communication and social skills compared to the average adult, to pay attention and respond without raising your voice, then you need demonstrate that.

[@mschmuller4506]

I can't stand the crying and screaming of my child (almost 2 years old) so I do most of the time the error, to let her win... I'm terrible, but I told myself always "as long as she's happy..". Omg I have to be consequential, I know...

[@TaLeng2023]

Please guide her, we don't want more of this... kzbin.info/www/bejne/m53UpZ5uor2Am6csi=VY9ezfnImvtdefxx

[@stephaniemosher8611]

Great advice. I feel like my babe is learning not to listen since my dog is going deaf and o repeat myself all the time 🤦‍♀️

[@goktimusprime]

Never phrase an instruction as a question. If you want your child to do something, don't ask. Command. You are an authority and you need to appropriately exercise it. Everything else is pretty super obvious. Be firm. Be fair. Be consistent.

[@L-we7ry]

Ick. Do you want others treating you that way?

[@josephyeo6966]

Consistency is also very important, with both parents. Especially with the working or frequently absent spouse. You can smell trouble when a child says "but mommy/daddy let me do this". Always backup your spouse and discuss disagreements quietly in private. Gets worse when you are a grandparent.

[@dawneozz]

now do pre-teens 😂

[@alyanahzoe]

i have autism and started talking at 3 years old.

[@StacyCox-ew7pw]

Same advice. After teaching for 34 years, I always joke that there is no difference between a toddler and a preteen. Except the preteen is taller and has more vocabulary. 😅 I love them!!!

[@kendreamer6376]

Me too I love my kids there annoying but fun too. I like to see when there gears are turning and their trying to solve problems

[@pawesokoowski1294]

I actually planned to use this exact advice on adults. And I believe it will work the same as with toddlers. It feels very universal.

[@JW-dc8hk]

@@StacyCox-ew7pwAdults as well then for that matter lol.