Empathy with All 10 Personality Disorders | Cognitive vs. Affective Empathy

[@HM-rw5dz]

I suspect that I have BPD or BPD traits, and my empathy fluctuates based off my mood or is dependent upon my relationship with the person. I get really upset when my mom, who is one on my closest relationships is upset or hurting even though she hurts me more than anyone. Then people who are good to me I feel less empathy for and have lower tolerance for their actions. I think a part of it is because my mom's emotions affect how she treats me but other people are "safer" to be mad at because they are less likely to react in a harmful way. I am working hard to overcome this though so I can have healthier relationships.

[@AntifascistAllDay]

We do tend to hurt the people closest to us because, more often than not, they will forgive or overlook bad behavior because they care about us. Maybe when your mom is feeling badly she neglects you or has less patience when hurting which is normal for people in pain. This is my interpretation based on what you described, something to consider maybe. 💙

[@ND-or5so]

Maybe the others are fake and your mom is real. Also your mom may see herself in you which bothers her.. or you are way too sensitive and that's a no - no the way she was brought up. You must have had a strong bond as a baby with her. There was a deep bond between you two.

[@Merzui-kg8ds]

My daughter has cyclothymic disorder. The more empathetic and kind I am to her, the less empathy she shows. Actually, in the last ten years, she has shown empathy only twice (deaths of my parents) by putting her hand on my back. She shows a "normal amount" of empathy toward most others. I am at the point where I must take care of myself by distancing from her, as my mental health is suffering mightily with hurtful interactions with her.

[@angrydiver_4220]

@@Merzui-kg8ds i doubt she has just cyclothymia, if it would have been just that it would be just switiching moods back and forth kinda like bipolar but way more mild. I do say she at leaat has a cluster b personality aswell or sever traits of it that could be intensified by cyclothymia, especially if she has undiagnosed adhd that could boost that even stronger, much stronger to be precise. I have cylcothymia, adhd, depression and mixed personalitydisorder with most % of behavioural traits towards aspd-bpd and when i get a down mood swing it makes me way more prone to lashing out but on a down swing i usually try to distance myself but on an upswing only if irritated due to conflict i may become literally obsessed with hurting my loved ones because of way worse inhibition control, and due to not so good affective empathy i literally rationalize the reason why i should make you feel bad, what ends up in lots of emotional distress for the people closest to me, its a very bad cycle but its getting better slowly with lots of therapy.

[@sneak-a-leek2135]

The people that treat you nice make you end up feeling like something is wrong with them for being overly nice to you. You might think…”Why is he/she so nice to me?! Something must be wrong with them!” Since they aren’t your #1 source for “survival/attachment”. So it’s easier to externalize and displace anger on them even though they might not even be the problem. It’s just easier to displace the anger on the people that are somewhat irrelevant to our emotional regulation. Also-they might make you feel overwhelmed since we tend to perceive those people that are very nice to us as clingy and depend on us to regulate their emotions and that’s not really possible since we feel we are the ones in need of that. Your number 1 source most likely your mom. She is most likely the one you depend on to regulate your emotions. A lot if it has to do with child-attachment styles. Most likely avoidant/anxious. During your toddler yrs, your brain maladapted(defense mechanism) to emotionally self regulate and this is no longer working for you since we were neglected of that part and hence why you depend on your mom to regulate your emotions for you. Just my opinion based on those the exact patterns I used to have 20 yrs ago.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Ive been told I have a lot of empathy and it can be to my detriment. Personally I think its a mix of codependency, CPTSD and the hypersensitivity and hypervigilance that comes with that. I used to hold my tears and emotions in but now I cry at anything and everything to get it all out and hope I heal.

[@anonymouspeacefulperson6199]

Jess me too Jess !

[@pointsbeingmade7996]

Wow you read my mind ha.

[@pointsbeingmade7996]

Toxic Masculinity Shock Syndrome Bunyan thats ok we are all human. Noone has the answers

[@PhoenixtheII]

I've been told too... Scored on that read the eyes test with 33/36 On the EQ: 60'ish of 80 (... been a while) Am diagnosed as PTSD, Autistic, (Quiet) BPD, AvPD, DPD... Persistant depression.

[@PhoenixtheII]

@AREN it really shows, yeah.

[@fenzirulfr]

I have BPD but I can turn off my empathy for periods of time. I can flip a switch and become cold for as long as needed. Maybe it is a result of black and white thinking, where I can view someone as being so awful that they deserve it. When I am feeling grounded and more centered, I have great empathy. My empathy seems to be linked to my self-image and the state of my sense of self. When my self image becomes negative, I can easily justify not having empathy. When I feel good about myself (maybe even feel superior to others) there is less desire to manipulate. I think I developed the ability to be ruthless as a survival tool.

[@DinaDinoNews]

Same here

[@dissonantiacognitiva7438]

@@DinaDinoNews Sounds more like aspergers, cognitive empathy is when you are able to understand because you understand the reasons why x feels in a particular way, but you won't be able to share the same emotion Specially after an argument where the other person calls you this that and the other, you search yourself and thing, nope, that is totally wrong, empathy goes off. What they feel unless coginitively described is pointless - it's the "my facts don't care about your feelings" reality of aspergers...

[@M_K_M_K_M_K]

As someone with avoidant personality disorder I totally feel I understand the cognitive empathy being high. I read people quickly and constantly, and feel it is because of self protection and fear. Like a (disfunctional) defense mechanism. Although, I also have very high affective empathy, and came across this video in my search for learning how to “change” my emotional empathy into compassion, so that my heart does not constantly break because of other people’s pain and suffering.

[@juhcru649]

Thanks a lot for this. As somebody with AvPD I've been struggling for a long time with the fact that I often have reduced affective empathy, even to the point of self-doubt in relation to NPD, despite knowing NPD doesn't match up with me. Thus it's nice to finally have some validation towards that.

[@TheMadnessandTheMadMan]

I always thought it was crazy the lack of empathy for bpd, npd, and antisocial. The irony is its always someone who claims to be an empath. These disorders are meant to clarify and understand...as well as treat ppl with these disorders...not demonize them. Be better than that..do not hate. It's just not helpful for you or others. We need to think about the future.

[@sunnychoudhary1323]

Bpd do hv empathy.

[@JusticeForNicholeAlloway]

lol like a BPD or NPD will seek help.

[@GreyMirror]

Right?! Cluster B personality disorders are closely linked with intense+long-term trauma. Individuals developed those skills to survive their environment. When people demonize BPD and NPD as monsters because they were once hurt with someone with the disorder I think they're garbage humans. Like aren't you supposed to be neurotypical and have the scope/insight/empathy to handle distress in a healthy way? Everytime I see someone post a comment about NPD or "a narc" (lol, do you know how dumb that sounds?) I immediately write them off as a simpleton who was once hurt by a self-entitled, mean person and decided to demonize an entire group of mentally ill people to justify their hurt. Neurotypicals are far more abusive - they just throw the blame to an obvious scapegoat. 🤷‍♀️

[@religiohominilupus5259]

@m norton buswell Great comment! Perhaps, the term "disorders" should be substituted with "adaptations" which would destigmatize, imo. I understand that people with PDs are prone to injuring others, but I think it would help to separate the person from their deeds.

[@amicamio2435]

As Someone with BPD that knows a lot of other people with BPD I do feel like we have empathy and we do care about other people and we’re not more or less self driven then others, I think the difficulty comes when BPD is comorbid with NPD or NPD traits. Or with antisocial traits

[@katieb.9556]

Dr Grande, can you do some kind of topic showing the behaviors, habits and interpersonal issues of someone with BPD/NPD? I know there’s so much crossover with traits between BPD and NPD, and it’s tough to find examples of someone with both, and how they are different from people with either. Maybe a case study? Thanks always for your great content!

[@joshy2joshy]

Narcissists want supply (multiple people often), borderlines want validation (usually one favourite person at a time), where borderlines aren't trying to hurt you, they're so lost to themselves and following their emotional compass to no avail; while the narcissist is more often calculating their next move on how to get the supply they want. From the outside it can look pretty similar, but on the inside it's a whole different thing, with completely different motivations.

[@arroscinpollo]

Your good to listen to, when I can't actually watch! These are always interesting.

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

Incredibly interesting study results! Thank you Dr Grande. 🐛📚🦋 Oh & YIPPEE! You've passed the 200,000 mark! Well deserved.. here's to 200k more 🥂

[@vsk398]

Been waiting for this subject! Thanks, Dr. Todd Grande.

[@chrissearcher3563]

Did you suggest it? It's a great topic!

[@vsk398]

@@chrissearcher3563 I did not.

[@ai172]

You have a very detailed approach in your research and a calm, unbiased tone in your voice and demeanor, Dr. G. I was able to pay total attention and am now ready to take the test ;) Thank you for such an informative video, Dr. Grande💛

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

Very interesting study! I was also surprised by the no correlation of cognitive empathy with BPD and Cluster A personality disorders, as I remember from your previous videos you mentioning that there was a deficit in cognitive empathy with these disorders. This video was very thought provoking, I personally enjoy trying to understand the nuances of empathy. Thank you for the great video Dr. Grande!

[@pocoeagle2]

I can understand what you write Rejane. Psychology isn't the same as maths, where 1+1 is always 2. Studies in the field of psychology often get therefore different or even contradictory outcomes. That can make me feel confused sometimes. I'm hoping you're doing good today 😃

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

pocoeagle2 So true Ben! Yes I am doing fine, thank you:) Btw, just wanted to say that you are from a lovely country! I actually spent a night in Amsterdam due a flight connection but I would like to go back to visit. Particularly interested in the Van Gogh museum and of course the tulips, windmills etc..😌 Enjoy the rest of you day Ben:)

[@pocoeagle2]

The Netherlands is a good place to live and it's a nice country. For example the health care is very good arranged. Most people are friendly. The country is very well structured. We have even our own King with the Royal family. Orange is the color of my country, because traditional the last name of our Royal family is Orange. When our king is celebrating his birthday he's with his wife and children visiting one particular City. His wife comes from Argentina by the way. That particular day most people are free and wearing orange clothes. Hahahaha, so funny always. One disadvantage of our country is because of the see- climate, often lots of rain. It's winter here now. but OMG it's sooo much rain at this winter....pffff..... hehehe. Have a nice day Rejane!

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

pocoeagle2 Good to know, I will make sure to add some orange color garments in the suitcase as to honor the country😉

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

Lucia Right Lucia?😃

[@loverainthunder]

Very easy to understand description of affective vs cognitive empathy. I already understood it, but somehow I understand it even more clearly. :D Thank you!!

[@marthlongnell6315]

Dr. Grande, I seriously appreciate your scientifically informed insider look at mental health topics. The format of the videos, the information driven insights rather than emotional reactions. Your content is incredibly helpful with traversing the world of human relationships and psychology. I was wondering if you could do a video about "ambiguous loss" in all its different forms? I recently came across that phrase and it seems like something that most people have dealt with to some degree, whether it be a sudden physical loss, a slow cognitive decline, a confusing relationship fizzling out, friends changing, people growing. Thanks again. Awesome stuff.

[@attheranch873]

marth longnell YES, this would be a good topic!

[@tidalvibez1065]

Oddly, I am an empath with avoidant personality disorder. Most of my life I thought I was overly sensitive or assumed I was moody because I literally feel what others feel while they are feeling it. It's overwhelming to be so freaking affected by other people's energy. I was def not hugged or given attention ( third daughter, an accident and in the way. ) Regardless, I react to most negative emotions by isolating myself and avoiding conflict. Not because I don't care or am cold, but that's what everyone thinks. In reality I don't have a clue how to express emotions or offer hug without feeling super akward. But trust me, I feel and care about you and the kids who are bullied, elderly persons neglected, dog left out in rain and even the narcissist who ruined my life I worked hard to rebuild BUT I don't seem to care about myself enough to ask for help. So now i live in my car and pretend to be tourist as I dig through garbage cans to get bottle return. Two months ago I had home and vet tech assistant! I realize now how I come across as rude and brash or distant and distracted. Optimism annoys the piss out of people wity negative emotions. I thought when we feel bad we are supposed to physically remove ourselves from the sitch and find something to do to feel better. Out of sight out of mind. I haven't cleared my voicemail in over 6 months. I suck but I have sincere intentions towards others and go out of my way to not burden society or even counselor with my issues.

[@nid2598]

You are a kind soul! Trust me!

[@aidan420]

Can you do a video on the utility of empathy for the everyday person? ie. "10 reasons empathy is good for us". Also interested in why low empathy is bad.

[@EllesenSeymour]

As someone with SchizoidPD I am not surprised by these results at all. I am very good at recognizing the emotions that others are experiencing, but not feeling what they feel( cognitive empathy only). As a younger person, I used to think I had very high empathy, because when other people were displaying a negative emotion, I would burst into tears and feel completely overwhelmed. However, I now know that this reaction was because I couldn't deal with their intense emotions and felt my boundaries being breached. I have often been the 'good friend' who will listen to whatever sob story somemone has, but I would quickly get burned out and cut that person out of my life, as their emotional expression was simply too overwhelming for me to deal with. I wasn't experiencing their emotions, I was experiencing my own negative reaction to their emotions. Since being diagnosed, I have been able to accept who I am and what I really want from human contact, without thinking I should want more.

[@MajinSayon]

Oh, I already knew that narcissists have cognitive empathy, they know exactly when their prey is hurting. They use their empathy to torture others where it hurts the most.

[@MaximusCrixusDb]

Polymelodic Sayon Can you give examples? I might be dealing with a narcissist too.

[@hailburgerking9080]

lol

[@damien.9076]

Everyone has narcissism just different levels

[@The_Food_Police]

I think narcissists must love the way that non-narcissists perceive them

[@MaxOakland]

SW3RZ1E 2HANDS That’s nonsense. Everyone can be a little narcissistic occasionally but that doesn’t mean that everyone “has narcissism” or that it invalidates the serious problem of narcissistic personality disorder

[@kausamsalam8543]

Makes much sense as always, Dr. Grande. Thanks for this clear distinction between the personalities perceived.

[@billhildebrand5053]

Comment 96 : 1925 views At 2:45 you mention the Empathic Concern Subscale test which mentioned, which weighs the willingness to feel compassion and concern for others. I think this is an important evaluator....🤩😀 Thankyou for being able to help me conceptual empathy. I did not realize how affective and cognitive empathy were dependent one on the other. I know willingness is a big part, perhaps I too can develop it. Thankyou Dr. Grande.😀😀😃

[@snippysnacks9193]

My theory is that the people with Avoidant Personality Disorder are ranking high on that reactivity/sensitivity because it may actually contribute to why they're avoidant. Imagine being an avoidant and going into a public space and just feeling assaulted by all this emotional sensory data from people and not really knowing quite what to do with. I'm not an avoidant but I'm an introvert with HSP characteristics and sometimes just feeling and weathering all the "vibes" or "emotional tone" of certain spaces gets so exhausting.

[@rhiannondavies7522]

Can you do a video on signs of a Narcissistic sibling! Your videos are so insightful :)

[@yourenough3]

Could you do a video on examples of theory of mind and how it appears in autism and how it appears in personality disorders? This video was very helpful thank you Dr Grande.

[@marykaykeller7978]

Fascinating. People who experience truama can also exhibit some of these traits. Thankfully we have progressed with Truama Therapy and healing supports.

[@Seemashe]

Dr Mary Kay Keller I am a BPD , have anxiety and depression. I have gone through trauma in so many stages in my life especially the last 2 years. I used to have lots of affective empathy when I was young. For the last 4-5 years, my affective empathy has completely died. I think I had developed this psychologically to protect myself from being over emotional and getting hurt. For something that I used to be sensitive to and sympathise with , now that same thing does not move me one bit. It is like I have become emotionless and so detached that I really don’t give a sh.. and I am very happy that way. Being BPD .. I always cared too much and my emotions and care got me in strife. Over the last 2 years.. I wished I had no emotions as I always was guilty of being over reactive, over emotional and impulsive. I think the mood stabilisers like lamotrigine has stabilised my mood and reduced my emotional responses also.

[@kellyannallen2454]

Thank you for this. Any chance you would do a live show?! Hope you have a cheery day😉

[@robertimmanuel577]

Yess!💯💯

[@carolnahigian9518]

Dr G is a fine man-neither mom, MN , nor father Rvn had empathy I LOST THE PARENT LOTTERY!!!!!

[@t5396]

Thanks again, Doctor. These videos are priceless. Something that I have pondered is whether there is such a thing as "paternal instincts." I've heard people deny there's something of this kind in the same way there are "maternal instincts." I just cannot help but feel, especially as I get older, that I have a concern or an impulse to care for younger people. Should be an interesting topic!

[@dudanunesbleff]

Avoidant personality disorder traits here. If the person is or was good to me, I will care about what she/he feels and I will be ready to help in any way. The others, the people who treat me badly or did so in the past, I don't care much if they are suffering. I perceive pretty well what they are feeling, but I don't feel compassion towards them. They are more or less dead to me because of what they made me endure.

[@irismiddaugh9868]

Very interesting Dr. Grande. You are making us all very knowledgeable. I have learned to trust even more the mental health field and the need of going to a psichology through watching your videos. I really appreciate your empathy for all of us needing to get to know ourselves better and others. 😮😉👋👍👏

[@juneytoolooney2165]

Before watching I have to say, this is a topic I've wondered alot about recently. Being that I'm a man with bpd and have been feeling empty for almost a yr now. I don't think I can feel empathy, but I also think I can. Certainly after this video I may have a deeper understanding on what empathy is.

[@katieb.9556]

JuneyTooLooney 216 hi. Do you think your BPD traits are different from what you’ve seen in women with BPD? From what I’ve seen, a lot of people with BPD think they are highly empathic.

[@juneytoolooney2165]

@@katieb.9556 yes I have the same traits, being I'm a guy I probably dont express things the same. And I very empathetic, but if I dont like the person even tho I'm aware of their pain idc. That's my problem with empathy, another part of me feels like I was empathetic for so long(childhood), it ate my soul to be reciprocated. So I became cold, I think I can see and feel but still I'm quite detached from the true concept of empathy. Feelings are complicated.

[@MentalDeviant]

@@juneytoolooney2165 You don't care about them in my opinion because people with BPD split(switch to the protective side of their Brain I gather) on people that they see as bad. Black and White thinking. People are all good or all bad. So I could see you not caring about people that are bad or mean to you. Also I think people with BPD are very loving and emotional but like you said in childhood it wasn't reciprocated or discouraged. It's ok to be emotional or loving. Telling yourself that possibly can help but also learning to regulate those emotions. DBT helps with this. There's hope.

[@katieb.9556]

JuneyTooLooney 216 ah I see. So if someone hurts your feelings, you feel no empathy towards them, regardless of whether they meant to hurt you or not?

[@juneytoolooney2165]

@@katieb.9556no not exactly, if its family or someone I love it'd be rather difficult to not care. I fucking hate my sister, like I think she's a real piece of work. But if something happened to her I'd still feel a way even if I dont like her.

[@ClaireSamuelsVA]

Very interesting video. I have comorbid NPD and OCPD and I find that I have extremely high cognitive empathy and extremely low affective empathy. The findings of this study seemed to suggest that this was consistent with what is to be expected from my disorders. I agree that this study was very well-constructed, so the results have a good chance of having high generalizability. The findings were consistent with my experience, at least.

[@josehenriquefs888]

Very interesting study! Could you talk about this measures of cognitive empathy? How does it work and how do we know we can trust this measures?

[@confusedowl297]

Definitely not an expert here, but I wonder if empathy levels could be a differentiating factor between Avoidant Personality Disorder & Social Anxiety Disorder. Since it seems that social anxiety is more concerned about the feelings and opinions of other people, whereas APD is more concerned with the feelings of the self. I could be totally wrong about that, but that was just a thought I had!

[@naturallyme7231]

Lower levels of affective empathy among Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) sufferers could also be explained by the correlation with Vulnerable Narcissism. Out of all the 10 Personality disorders, AvPD is the disorder which is most related to this construct, even bypassing Borderline Personality Disorder: www.researchgate.net/publication/10680002_Interpersonal_Analysis_of_Grandiose_and_Vulnerable_Narcissism Does this mean every AvPD sufferer is a Vulnerable Narcissist? Probably not. Could it mean that some who has AvPD would qualify to be one. Probably. Just a theory I had.

[@christopherpoblete8562]

Interesting theory, but I see a large overlap between APD and SAD in people.

[@macmedic892]

Dr. Grande, I appreciate you citing the papers you use to develop these videos. Please note that when you post a link it leads us to a Wilmington University log in page... there's no way for us to access the paper.

[@Mike-om4tv]

macmedic892 you may be able to find it if you're a student through your University's library, or through a paid service...sometimes even google scholar or just googling the title/doi if given will get you there.

[@dannacarson-clark8060]

macmedic892 e

[@Marcelube]

Thank you so much always, Dr Grande.

[@ida-majadernestam2401]

Would love more videos on bipolar and eating disorders! Keep up the good work ^^

[@LintuLumessa]

That's surprising for me. I have schizoid PD and have a lot of kognitive Empathie.

[@whateveritwasitis]

I like these bread cutters. They are so easy to get ,not so easy to finish from the top if not proper technique. I got a bread cutter from standing in closed guard uesterday!. I didn't realize just how important proper technique was until I watched a video on it thanks coach!

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

Empathy is a hot topic at the moment, but I feel like it's a red herring. In my opinion, we are looking for binary answers to something that is in a constant state of flux. In my experience with my ex who I'd describe as both BPD and a covert Narcissist, I'd say her ability to feel empathy is very dependent on her own state. Without a doubt it was there, but I think both disorders are selfish. By that I mean when a sufferer is under stress, empathy is superseded very quickly by the need to satisfy their own requirements, Saying that, I think that is also true for the rest of us. I consider myself fairly well balanced, but I'd say my ability to feel for others is variable depending on my own state. For example, a bout of depression can easily shut off feelings or concerns for anyone or anything. I just don't think NPD or BPD are constant state conditions, which makes it very difficult to be on the receiving end of, but also gives some hope for managing them.

[@melissam597]

Agreed, I was abused by someone with BPD (I think she had a few narc traits but not enough for co-morbidity) who screamed at me for a really long time and didn’t give a shit when I told her she was frightening me and I was considering calling the cops. Once she calmed down she eventually seemed to realise her behaviour was wrong but they never take full responsibility for their actions.

[@evelynwaugh4053]

You make a really good point. If one knows people for a very long time certain patterns emerge which aren't always obvious at first. And many people have traits as opposed to diagnosed PDs, the expression of which will vary depending on how permissive the environment is, or how much stress the individual is under.

[@anonymouspeacefulperson6199]

I used to work in healthcare and be too empathetic towards people. As a spiritual healer I would sense pain and trauma and sense the mental reasons behind the pain. Sometimes I would have to distance myself from the patient to become less drawn into their anger, issues or anxieties and just be there to give comfort and help the patient breathe through their pain. Sometimes I would sit and hold their hands and pray that they find the strength and personal peace whilst they had a panic attack when they were on PCP (end of life personal care plan) and struggling to breathe. I would often cry for hours after seeing the patient pass away and get the patient’s body ready for the morgue. I had to learn to detach my emotions and empathy from the patient in order to stay within my own energy and mindfulness.

[@midlifemeltdown9028]

@@aeris2001 Sorry, I didn't mean people suffering with BPD are inherently selfish, I meant the symptoms that can be associated with it can be. Probably a poor choice of words. Consuming may have been a better choice. What I meant was that in my experience, when people are struggling to cope with fear of abandonment etc, there isn't much space left for feelings for other people.

[@anonymouspeacefulperson6199]

Richard Harris big hug and a hot chocolate. I cried buckets at Christopher Robin and sent healing with Ron 🙏🏻🙌🏼😔

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

Doctor, I'm not too surprised that you're surprised with these findings as they may not fit into the perception that I would assume you might have of your former or current patients/clients/fellows/listeners etc. It's my perception over quite a bit of time that you concentrate so so very much on clinical aspects with great depth and detailedness and sometimes seem to forget that there's something like general psychology, biological psychology etc. Empathy in general is a difficult thing for complex beings. I've learned a long time ago of a finding in a study in...could have been social psy., not sure... that it was already difficult for people with marked differences in intelligence to empathize cognitively once the difference in the IQ score was 15 points.(I'm afraid, I don't remember how empathy was operationalized in it and who the autor was, I read this about 20 years ago) It seem practically impossible when the difference was 30 points and more. Now think of an everyday situation where an average score person simply meets a person with let's say 135 - what problems might already tend to evolve here.. Add possible cultural differences to it, let's say one person of these two is abroad... So, no differences here between boring normals and the so called crazy guys. Difficult is difficult. And don't forget that being normal is quite crazy in this world and being crazy is quite normal. However I'm very grateful that you brought up this topic and covered it so thoroughfully despitethe fact that maybe the results of this study were NOT perfect in line with your own perceptions. Shows personality in it's best meaning. Thanks. 🌺

[@pocoeagle2]

Well said Esther 👍 😃, but where is the doctor today. No single ❤❤️ at all . Maybe he's shopping with his wife to buy some good looking pink shirts 😂😂

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

@@pocoeagle2 Hahaha. Thank you, Ben. I hope, he sometimes does things like that! My personal burn out warning detectors are running wild in recent times, when I watch his working style and productivity level... Am a bit concerned, don't think it's healthy... P.S. You might want his heart too much, Ben. 🙂

[@kingkong8974]

Well, a much smarter person might get frustrated because they may not understand that you can't comprehend what it is they are talking about. If you can't understand them, it is hard to empathize with them entirely. But, I think it really is more significant if the person is very stupid because most things that affect your emotions should be understood by most anybody

[@fionamolina1324]

Hi Dr Grande! I love your channel. I was wondering if you could make a video on comorbid AvPD and BPD/avoidant borderline mixed personality?

[@th6218]

Dr.Grande, could you do a video about paraphilias (what cause them, who is more likely to have one, ...), please? I'm specifically interested in teratophilia. I've tried to find psychology videos about this topic, but they're scarch and not very convincing :/

[@cynthiaallen9225]

There's not much research out there. I'm interested in this topic, too and have also asked Dr. G to do a video on the subject. The current research makes me tend to conclude it's a choice because less than half have were victims.

[@meganeff]

YES! I’m so excited to watch this!!

[@maidenmarian1]

This is a great topic. Need to take notes!!😊👍

[@applesmae1845]

Hi Dr Grande. Thanks for posting another fascinating video. Can you do a video on the Gaberial Fernandez case? I would interested in what your thoughts are about his mother and step father.

[@masan.4211]

Could you do a video on empaths from a scientific point of view? Is there a way to become less emphatic/empathetic (not sure of the right term)? I often avoid social situations because I "feel" everyone and it exhausts me.

[@tomorrowaboutthistime2958]

I certainly trust this person and if we were ever need to vent Something to each other that really was concerning I will trust and try my best, but this person would totally take me up higher

[@aaronnikels5706]

Dr Grande, do you think it would be possible to improve your level of cognitive empathy by a significant amount? Are there any specific or particular skills or approaches that could help with this? Awesome video as always!

[@injinii4336]

I would expect schizoid and avoidant to both have very high levels of empathic perception and low levels of empathic distress tolerance. That is, other people's emotions affect them strongly. This is my experience, and one of the reasons I've often avoided people. I have difficulty coping with their feelings.

[@chrissearcher3563]

I absolutely loved this video, Dr. Grande. 🧡 I immediately found the IRI online and checked myself. High on EC, low on PD . Lol! I have a question, however, I've always had a problem with empathic boundaries. What I mean is, if I see someone cry, I tear up.I am not distressed by it, but I can't control the physical reaction. I am very able to be present, and comfort them. Other emotions have the same physical affect on me: happiness, anger, sadness, etc. Physical, not mental. I always know it's their emotion, but my body picks it up. I've been trying to control the tearing up, because its embaressing. I've done a therapy groups, and no one else does this except me if one group member starts to cry. The others are easier to control. Does anyone know if this has a name?

[@evelynwaugh4053]

I think the phenomenon is caused by `mirror neurons' in neuroscience terms. Our brains have the capacity to understand and frequently mirror another's feelings on a physical level. Don't feel odd, it is a normal phenomenon, and even seen in the animal kingdom. It also is why certain advertising is very effective, because we do feel deeply for others, and it makes parenting and living in groups possible. Perhaps the other group members have been deconditioned to openly display feelings because of employment or their gender. They may express their empathy differently (by `fixing' things, etc).

[@chrissearcher3563]

@@evelynwaugh4053 thanks for your kind reply. I'll look more into mirror neurons! :)

[@ksa3254]

Holy moly the negative reaction to others expression of emotions being salient in avoidant personality. It can be stressful, but also it’s interesting that it’s a distinguishing trait from narcissism and psychopathy. What are the clinical manifestations of this negative reaction to emotions? I’m especially curious with avoidant types because it comes off as callous punishing response. Thank you for a gem of a video Dr grande, as always super insightful and eye opening.

[@kamilkarnale3585]

Very clear explanation!👍👍👏

[@valeriesmith6173]

Could you do a video on the dangers / concerns of a family member with low empathy, as well as how to build / maintain a good relationship with said family member.

[@tdesq.2463]

Very comprehensive and enlightening, as I've come to expect from Doctor Grande. Especially useful information here in equipping us to interact constructively with the various characters that we encounter in our daily lives. Thank You, Doctor!

[@gracevalentine1666]

Affective empathy in Spectrum natives ? Many of us cannot name the feeling we or others feel or show, but we feel them intensely. I’ve been told I’m too tender hearted, thought provoking, thank you

[@Vanyx1000]

great topic!

[@sammyjo8035]

This is off topic, but im wondering if you'd be interested in making a video on the topic of exorcism! What illnesses can cause "possession" symptoms and alleged multiple language ability, ect? There's a lot of debate on social media whether its real or just straight child abuse over misconceptions and misperception. Please, please, pretty please?! :)

[@sammyjo8035]

I'll even wait until october if you wanna give your video a spooky halloween aesthetic lol! Could be fun, just saying.

[@t5396]

@@sammyjo8035 awesome topic

[@sammyjo8035]

@@t5396 thanks ^-^

[@anonymouspeacefulperson6199]

DJ Sammyjo I think you are on the wrong thread, this is empathy and spiritual healing! Maybe try the reverends that do exorcisms - only the trained are able to do this.

[@sammyjo8035]

@@anonymouspeacefulperson6199 my intent is to hear a scientifically informed explanation of why people believe in possession over mental illness from a licenced clinician. I do not know any reverends that would be willing or licensed to speak on this as Dr. Grande could, but im open to referrals. I do not believe in the fundamental ideas of demons and possession as catholics do.

[@xristinarose2409]

This is so interesting, thank you!

[@John-3692]

I'm loving every bit of this. I recently read a similar book, and it was nothing short of incredible. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

[@Gunsforshow1]

Very interesting video. I do wonder how low empathic concern can coexist with high personal distress.

[@anonymouspeacefulperson6199]

Ben Peeters it’s called having empathy but drawing the line at allowing people to attack innocent people!

[@gabork5055]

Simply by being disconnected from society in general by default, but not from the self and certain individuals.

[@musicobsessive123]

empathy is endlessly fascinating. i've noticed i express empathy strangely, and can have difficulty with cognitive empathy and correctly identifying concerns or the feelings of others, but at the same time i have an abundance of affective empathy.... can't wait to finish this video and see what clicks for me the most... i have a difficult time understanding my own feelings and behaviors when i don't have the language to convey it. these videos have helped me sort out many things within myself. thanks again! edit: i like your jacket. the color is nice... :) second edit: ah. the avpd description fits me best i think. what a shock.... hahaha. super interesting video!

[@juliegarceau5414]

As usual so interesting !

[@margaretphillips3576]

Affective empathy sounds taxing and difficult. But I can see how it is the basis of relationships and connection with others. I tend to rely mostly on cognitive empathy, Since I've been on Lamictal I noticed a decrease in suspiciousness and an increase in my ability to connect with others. During manic states, I sometimes have psychic powers and I can know everything about another person through direct contact with their energy field. Doesn't really count as affective empathy but feels euphoric and leads to many interesting conversations. Mostly with myself of course.

[@nicoblaytherealflamingo445]

My name pops upeverywhere i go as a to look out for. Many feelsorry and many want to know and many are afraid who might act out as a hero to put or take it out. My mind is some goooood play dough

[@qiuwbr091]

I worked in a kindness bubble. I retired in about 2008. My whole profession has changed drastically. Now I am retired it upsets me to find out how cruel people really feel. Why wouldn’t I feel disappointed. I thought there was true hope in the world. Being wrong in this way is upsetting. From time to time I cry because humans seem so futile. I really worked in a bubble. We did all that work and for whom?

[@angelaengle12]

This study would be great if they had filmed those people with each disorder with someone who is crying. Seeing how they react would of been fascinating. Camera would have to be hidden though.

[@silverriver7866]

Dr. Grande, Does ASD have low cognitive empathy? And according to what you said, wouldn’t all disorders that have low cognitive empathy’s affective empathy be off too?

[@rajalovescake2180]

Someone with BPD may avoid eye contact or looking directly at someone that why an outside study may have said they are lower on the spectrum. Not cus they don’t understand

[@bettyjeanpetrinovich7373]

Very interesting. Thank you!

[@christianhill8681]

Thank you 🙏

[@hope4215]

As a borderline it seems that any emotion in my presence is immediately absorbed into my body. It’s unpleasant and I often just don’t even bring it up, even in therapy. It’s especially frustrating with emotions like anger and annoyance because I’ve often misinterpreted the emotion in the first place. What a fun paradox to live out!

[@lizl1407]

I have sometimes felt like I was unexpectedly"splashed" with someone else's emotion, they have to be in a very highly charged state like rage or intense shame. I definitely feel it in my body, it's almost like getting doused with a bucket of water coming from the direction of the other person!

[@yaelfeder9042]

Same here!

[@yaelfeder9042]

@@lizl1407 Yes!

[@davidsoto4394]

Excellent video.

[@burnettaallen2492]

Another mental health professional on KZbin has stated that the Histrionic Personality Disorder is probably going to disappear as a diagnosis on its own and be recognized as a Narcissistic diagnosis. I think that these findings are demonstrating a distinct separation of the two.

[@user-sr1kc6jj2b-p1q]

Could you please do a video on trauma bonding and transference? Especially in the situation of one friend helping another in a crisis and the dangerous psychodynamics that this can create. I've seen it happen many times. Everyone ends up hurt and confused. In the social sciences it is understood that the party giving help is in a position of power and that, even if it is not overtly abused, the vulnerable party can be kept in a position of eternal gratitude and servitude which negates the help or charity given in the first place. Unfortunately I find that people are resistant to hearing it because they romanticise their helping actions and dismiss my warnings as rather cynical.

[@Aman-jo5rm]

amazing explanation

[@blinkrogue1344]

I feel i hit very very very very high on the "feeling distress when others show negative emotions" ting avpd, and i legit just check tf out when im drained, and then i feel like the biggest narcissist because yeah, im "aloof" and just done at the momemt, shut completely off and i cant feel empathy temporality.

[@ImadeUlook]

Damn - this *whooshed* over my head. Had I been in a lecture, I'd be that annoying student always having a blank expression on my face unless the lecturer literally drew pictures. 😂😂😂

[@Meepmoop369]

Dr. Grande, do you think you could make a video on mothers with OCD and/or GAD and how it affects the daughter/people involved?

[@loverainthunder]

If you cry when you see someone else cry you don't have to have strong cognitive empathy. For instance, a small child might cry if they see their parent cry, or, a, for example, a person with autism might become upset if they see someone crying even though that person is crying over something that doesn't even make sense to them. You do have to be able to perceive and understand distress. But that's a very low level of understanding.

[@LuciaInman]

That's a great point.

[@franmellor9843]

GOSH there is so much too this ,but always super interesting..

[@LeviathantheMighty]

Hi, Dr. Grande. Do you know if personality disorder patterns are heavily related to systems in the brain like dopamine, adrenaline, histamine, serotonin, and other types of hormonal regulation?

[@markmulligan571]

I enjoy your shows, very informative. One thing, though. Your presentations are extremely info dense, with multiple lists of terms of art that you compare and interleave orally. There is no way I can follow your presentation from beginning to end in detail as your rattle various lists off verbally. I would suggest you greenscreen the talking face video with written lists corresponding to your oral presentation, or highlighted lines of text from the relevant paper. Help us keep track, especially this one with its multi-dimensional lists. Thank you and keep the good work up.

[@MissWhiskers]

Hi Dr Grande! I took a social intelligence test, the so called "reading the mind in the eyes" using a test from a site called Lab in the Wild. But... the strangest thing happened. I performed really well. I scored 31 out of 36, which is "equal or better than 89% of all participants." How can that be? It puzzles me as I have Asperger's syndrome. Is it something wrong with the test? Or might it suggest that one can in fact learn social intelligence and cognitive empathy? I'm thankful for any answers that can shed some light on this conundrum of mine. As always, thank you so very much for your content!

[@christinley5213]

This was a good one..interesting!!!!

[@antihistory_3122]

Dr. Grande, is it possible to be diagnosed online? That may be a stupid question. What do you personally recommend if I want to figure out my personality flaws?

[@ethcenilpexreicene6095]

3:16 why is this considered an inaccurate expression of affective empathy? Isn't it the definition of affective empathy to feel what other people are feeling? Therefore if someone is expressing a negative emotion the only accurate response in terms of affective empathy would be to feel that same negative emotion in my logic?

[@melissab4710]

This was extremely helpful for me Dr Grande. Thank you.

[@deanapecorale3549]

All my empathy is cognitive. I have no ability to feel other people's feelings. I have up until now been convinced no one can feel other people's feelings literally. I do feel sympathy though and can experience the entire spectrum of feelings if they're organic, in other words, self or family-centered. The first question I have for you, is that why my cognitive empathy is scary on point, sort of to make up for the deficit of affective empathy? People ask, "How did you know... ?". It's all based on non-verbal communication and context clues. 2nd Question: When bad things happen to other people I can get disturbed if I think, "what if that was me?". Would this fall under cognitive as well? Honestly, I'd like it to be a sign of affective empathy.

[@willek1335]

No, I doubt it. Cognitive empathy relate to identifying emotions in others, as well as yourself. If you had only affective empathy and perhaps high levels of affective empathy, e.g. autism can be like, you'd feel generally distress when other people were in distress, but you couldn't understand what lead them to feel distress. The same goes for their own feelings, and why they feel distress in a given circumstance. An ASD woman I talked to today said it was a revelation for her when she finally figured out that her mother's funeral anniversary was what triggered distressing feelings in her. At the time, and for the longest time, she thought the distress she felt was something concrete happening in that specific moment. The feeling of affective empathy is like an impulse, like adrenaline. It hits you automatically, just like cognitive empathy instantly tells you why someone feels a certain way. I could be wrong, but you could experience a vulnerability, which means insecurity within you. Perhaps you're hypersensitive to vulnerability, so in a round-about-way, you feel great ditress when contemplating yourself.

[@tomorrowaboutthistime2958]

This is the only person I will believe will give me a real diagnosis

[@hoseinfarjami8431]

Hi Dr. grande Is higher/over sensitivity officially diagnosed ? IS Empath or over sensitive person a real thing ?

[@drbarney1000]

Have you ever studied where affective empathy goes wrong in Dante's Divine Comedy? As Virgil guide Dante down through the circles of Hell, he experiences affective empathy with the souls of the damned because he is conned into falling for the excuses and rationalizations they make to claim their damnation is unfair. The Teaching Company has a beautifully crafted video course on Divine Comedy.

[@diegotruebagonzalez8350]

Mr Grande, please, make an analysis about Daniel Plainview (there will be blood) or Frank Underwood (house of cards)!!! Greetings from Spain

[@juliegarceau5414]

Thanks! 🙂

[@chloegreen7738]

I could be wrong but I remember reading that people with BPD have trouble misinterpreting neutral emotions for anger. Maybe this explains some of the research that found a lack of cognitive empathy in people with BPD if it's based off of reading others emotions.

[@mayrawellington1130]

Really interesting! 💕🌷💕

[@Thedanielproblem]

Thank you

[@bettyfreddy8377]

Interesting.

[@andagain9826]

the habit some parents employ of ignorning their small child's tantruming etc. is causing the lack in affective empathy in my studied opinion

[@Makewayproduction]

Please can you do SAM VAKNIN. His insights on narcissism as everyone here probably knows are ground breaking. He says he has been diagnosed twice to have NPD. I would love to hear your thoughts on his definition of Cold empathy. Thank you.

[@shahjmir]

this makes sense.

[@betsyn.6748]

Would you share your thoughts on people who believe they are Empaths...as in someone who claims to have unique or perhaps magical/paranormal gift of understanding others.

[@kognitivescientist]

Basically half-narcissists, coming from the same families with broken boundaries in communication. Bonded with NDP for a reason - the communication feels familiar. Too much attuned to others’ emotions usually because had to fulfill wishes of NPD parents. “Empaths” need therapy too, but usually become proud how sensitive and helping they are, instead.