Attachment Styles and Personality Disorders | What is Attachment Theory?

[@mireillelebeau2513]

When I was younger I didn't trust my mum for my basic needs, sometimes she had protected me sometimes she had put me in danger. oftentimes she just forgot about me. So why should I been trusting anyone for anything now? They say avoidant personality disorders, I say avoidant survival strategy. Thank you Dr Grande

[@keeskoekert6358]

We avoidants want relationships, but we just cant do it. Im living it for yeaaaaars now and its always the same. Like my memory gets erased the moment I go to sleep.

[@hamarthomas48]

Psychotherapy can help a bunch

[@tc5290]

@@hamarthomas48 going myself, diagnosed bpd years ago, reengaged with therapy the past several months. Therapist said I fit disorganized… Definitely important to get sorted Mireille, hopefully you did. We all deserve to be happy and experience positive and strong relationships, some just need more help to get there :)

[@irinad4081]

Anyway, the base is always about survival

[@leigholding1397]

It can all change, either life is happening to me , or life is happening through me, meaning, I am the architect and pervaya of My life, having responsibilities, no victim mindset, If I don't like how life shows up.. I get to choose again. If you don't know who you are what you like... then it's your job to try different things out, taste and see that it is Good. You may find I don't know what I like but I do know what I don't like.... good keep going.

[@nakji37100]

Dr. Grade is batting a home run with a streak of interesting videos.

[@JohnPaul-le4pf]

With spring training about 2 weeks away, Dr. G is in midseason form.

[@HM-rw5dz]

For real. He is great

[@Mountlougallops]

He knows his stuff for sure!!

[@FrancesShear]

Good thing it is always on the same team.

[@Mountlougallops]

V Siddos right!

[@RianneMision]

ATTACHMENT STYLES: Secure 3:50 Dismissing 4:07 Preoccupied 4:28 Fearful 4:48 PERSONALITY DISORDERS: Paranoid 10:37 Schizoid 11:06 Schizotypal 11:25 Antisocial 11:48 Borderline 12:22 Narcissistic 12:53 Histrionic 13:23 Avoidant 14:12 Dependent 14:32 Obsessive Compulsive 14:54

[@jennie7599]

Ty for the chart, helpful.

[@Love.America]

Yes, I agree... it was helpful! Thank you!

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

This was a profound analysis. Dr. Grande always setting the bar very high in terms of content and delivery of information. Thank you Dr. Grande!

[@HumanimalChannel]

every time i listen to Dr Grande I give myself a different diagnosis.

[@Seabird41]

😆

[@fxceghost]

Yeahhh don’t do that lol

[@rachelsimbhu4383]

Me too ! Seriously !

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

🤣🤣🤣 Me too!!! I think I need counseling🤣🤣🤣

[@chrysanthemum3065]

Yup.

[@yasmintomic]

Reading about attachment theory had a profound influence on how I relate to my children. I am now more aware of the impact parenting can have long term. I find this topic extremely interesting. Thanks Dr G.

[@bthomson]

Good to hear of the actual application of the knowledge Dr. Grande imparts!

[@elarakamai]

Well done! Aligning attachment styles with the personality disorders is quite a task. Seems like we could merge these taxonomic systems into a more unified theory of personality and psychological disorders.

[@conniethingstad1070]

oh my. i will have to listen to this again to take it all in. I raised a stepson (no mom around) with attachment disorder. The only personality disorder mentioned was oppositional defiant disorder...very dangerous child. Finally found great counselors in Indiana at a treatment center focused solely on AD and then a counselor in Iowa that had a specialty in AD. He's an adult now and even said recently..bet you never dreamed I'd turn out as well as I did. I could never imagined it considering where he started. AD is treatable but many counselors have told me it's unusual. This is one heavy duty video!!

[@gabriellavictory3080]

Can you please provide a link to the treatment center?

[@elisamastromarino7123]

I watched this four times. It makes me wonder how many mothers realize the importance of their role. 🤤 Thank you as always, Dr Grande. 👍🌹

[@joywebster2678]

If they did would we see so much infant daycare?

[@LuciaInman]

@@joywebster2678 great question

[@comingsoon2155]

Elisa Mastromarino was thinking the same thing. I mothered with incredible seriousness, so much love, kindness and care because I was not. She’s 15 now. I feel good about the job I’ve done so far. Good thought

[@parrotshootist3004]

Its why they turn to so many forums and magazine articles. To soothe their egos because they know what they did. But messages like 'self soothing' and 'children just bounce back' makes it easier to avoid confronting what they are doing and feeling, and to keep doing 'it' to their kids.

[@przedmarancza2767]

@@joywebster2678 I think it's quite ignorant to think that mothers (and fathers) who make use of infant daycare don't know or don't care about the importance of their role. In many places families need two incomes to get by and employers don't give yearlong (or couple years) motherhood leaves. Also, where quantity of time spend with your baby is of a big importance, I think that quality of this time is even more important.

[@latinaalma1947]

Absolutely correct that as psychoanalytic theory went out of fashion when Skinner and behaviorism was at its peak in the early 60s and the,70s, attachment theory fell out of favor. Developmental theorist Erik Erickson also had placed a high emphasis on attachment theory as the foundation of trust of others. I imagine you expand upon the theme of the historical theories of etiology in psychology in your grad lectures. It is important that we understand what has come before and the effort it took,to,get where we are in our field which of,course,will continue to develop in future. What concerns me most now that I am retired is how our field is put to,use in public policy and politics. WIth mental illness in particular, when I see popular movies that take an expose' tone I cringe because each step that was taken since the mentally I'll were first taken into religiously sponsored asylums through to today,with so much emphasis on pharmacological management of symptoms, each step was thought as more humane than what went before. Burning at the stake of the mentally ill believed to be possessed by the devil or demons ....to religious asylums where patients were often naked and chained not to punish them, but to prevent self harm.... .... to the later government run asylums and hospitals of the 19th century that used insulin shock and cold water therapies ...to the mid 20 century when Thorazine was the treatment of choice to tranq patients to oblivion ala "The Cuckoos Nest" .....to the wholesale closing of those institutions heralded as progressive community mental health ala,Thomas Szaz, The Myth of Mental Illness, which politicians cited to save money so that the mentally ill were left to fend for themselves ....to today's situation where pharmaceuticals are used FAR too thoroughly to the exclusion of everything else. Too few get other therapies (Besel Van der Kolk: "TheBody Keeps the Score")that research shows CAN be helpful with some diagnoses... And so each development,has been believed at the time, to be an advancement in treatment policy over what it replaced only to,have policymakers ie. politicians who fund each solution in modern times overuse the next "great" solution. Now the severely mentally ill are too often homeless on the street, untreated, self medicating on alcohol or other even more faster acting lethal substances, the early deaths.....How does society see these as more HUMANE? THose movies do not show how society's policies esp,In the US, have evolved into something only slightly less horrific than the one I described at the beg of my rant. LIke the research physicists who developed the atomic bomb feared its ultimate use, we as psychologists have learned to fear how our profession's research will be turned into public policy in the future....... Thanks for another excellent thoughtful discussion Sybil Francis PhD

[@ferasdour]

in all fields i think thats a common issue where policies and bureaucracy plays part in condemning or limiting usefulness of the field's research and efforts. Its sad for those both needing help and wishing to give it. i know a homeless bpd adult, i am an adult who cant leave for proper care, and ill burn the place down if they send me back. hehe. Yours, - nobody, no credentials.

[@meera2531]

As a lay person, I do believe attachment theory has many merits and helps a person understand what's happening and has been happening with them. I think capitalism has much to do with the abuse of psychological research and of research and developments in other streams of the sciences as well. It's become such that big pharma and psychotropic drug makers are all looking for customers and looking to create dependences for their products. In such an environment what Psychologists like Dr Grande and others at doing on KZbin and blogs is democratising and giving people access to knowledge about psychology which those who choose to can use it to analyse and help themselves or help identify others who need help. It's a really good thing. The information age is and can help undo some of the wrongs of capitalism. Very nice to hear your thoughts.

[@TheFreshTrumpet]

Hi, Doc, I love asking psychologists this question if you (or anyone else) ever see it: what are your thoughts on psychodynamic psychology as a branch? I see much more merit in it than how I typically see it referenced, and the merits of attachment theory and overall childhood experiences impacting them as they age seem to speak to psychodynamic’s accuracy. Although I guess people have different understandings of what psychodynamic is exactly

[@sandrashaw6298]

Same thing cultural anthropologists fear!

[@9oh7music63]

I gotta just say this.. you have the perfect intro. Simple. To the point. Short enough I don’t feel the need to skip it. Good shit

[@mongo3522]

Dr. Grande doesn't get enough credit. This man ALWAYS has an impressive like/dislike ratio on his videos.

[@ethanpoole3443]

I recently finished reading the book “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and...” by Dr. Amir Levine over Christmas and highly recommend it for anyone interested in learning more about attachment in adults and the importance of understanding attachment type in relationships (and to be mindful of the anxious-avoidant trap). The book also offers advice on how to relate to and improve communication between partners of differing attachment types. As someone who has struggled with Complex PTSD, and the physical disability and chronic illness all that past abuse caused, for the past 36 years (since age 12) and who has not been in any sort of relationship whatsoever in more than a quarter century I found the book very enlightening (I doubt if I’ll ever have a partner to test the advice against as I have never seen myself as worthy of love, but it was extremely enlightening and very well written nonetheless and I highly recommend the book...and I may still dream at least!).

[@TheRealJeffers]

Your education is putting you on the right path to healing your C-PTSD (I assume you've read Pete Walker's book on Complex PTSD), and I hope you'll continue with Polyvagal Theory, the neurobiology and neurotransmitters that keep your malware running your wetware, and how none of it is your fault (ask Dr. Robert Sapolsky about Free Will). Visit Therapist Uncensored if you haven't already (they interview and adore Dr. Levine among many other cutting edge researchers), and visit Christine Askew for a gentle walk through Schema Therapy. As a fellow C-PTSD kid with a high ACE score, I get the lack of self worth, but this is what happened TO you well before any age of consent, and you survived through adaptation skills like a true warrior. As you look at your 'fate' from every educated angle of both nurture AND nature, eventually your built-in compassion will even extend to yourself (with a clear view of others' devils & deeds, and relative safety), to quiet that inner critic and embrace the wisdom that comes with that big picture. Then work on the pattern interrupts to your cycle of doom & gloom, and the positive *small* (so not insurmountable) steps using hacks to your Central Nervous System to form new neural pathways using neuroplasticity. Dr. Stephen Porges himself mentions a few biohacks to calm your amygdala, and stop braising in cortisol in this friendly interview. Keep at it. You're worth it. kzbin.info/www/bejne/iae0o5qcZrh-m7c

[@ybrueckner5589]

this brilliant psychologist makes me hopeful for people like you

[@MH-cv5ye]

I have to admit to being somewhat fearful of relationships, due to narc abuse. So, this video is helpful to reinforce truths. Taking time to assess someone's character is obviously essential to forming any attachments other than with dependant children. Thanks to these topics, it's likely that everyone's life improves. Nice one, Grande. 😎✔

[@ravendelafleur1400]

I'm also fearful for this reason.

[@65minimom]

Me, too. Only this man was a sociopath, very clever & cruel.

[@coffeepot3123]

My base response to negative outcomes/worries is to boil everything down to the point that nothing in life matters. It's like taking every positive advice you hear people give others and taking it to the extreme. Saps all the joy out of my life as i start to view family/friends as strangers that i have loose ties with (when deep down that's not the case) Every celebration i partake in i feel no joy. The past 2 years I've suffered from emotional numbness and i'm still recovering. Last summer i was at my worst with that condition and i was on vacation for a week. Lived with my sister and her fiancee that week and we decided to meet up with our younger sister. Second i met my younger sister at the train station she just stopped and looked at me, I wasn't malnourished or anything, i had nice clothes fresh haircut and all that, I reckon it was the eyes that put her off. Her reaction to meeting me scared me more than having the condition itself. I remember my sisters fiancee was on edge the whole week i was their guest. I felt like a robot/serial killer. But after this vacation i had a wake-up call and started to work on improving my mental health. Getting my own apartment drastically improved my mental state and now after a lot of work i can feel emotions again. Anyways, these videos has helped me out a lot and i appreciate the work you put into the videos.

[@gaillewis5472]

I work in Special Education and your videos are invaluable. Thank you for expanding on the professional development classes we have on mental health issues.

[@srmillard]

Wow, this requires a few re-watches. Loaded with good info. Thank you!

[@jeanettewaverly2590]

Sean Millard Absolutely. But I hope we will not be tested on this material, lol.

[@begily]

This is so useful thank you Dr.Grande. I work in a Mentalization Based Treatment (MBT) service for men with personality disorder. One of the key theories underpinning MBT is Attachment Theory. One of the most challenging aspects has been to make links between a clients personality and their attachment style. Your breakdown of the differing attachment theories has really helped in that regard; we often found ourselves becoming bogged down by terminology from the differing models without realizing they were from differing models! Speaking of MBT, it would be very interesting to see you talk about it. I suppose to some extent it could compliment this video, as there is some evidence in the literature I believe that links different attachment styles to mentalizing capacity. The work of Peter Fonagy is of particular note.

[@begily]

Furthermore, the literature attempts to link mentalizing capacity to personality pathology.

[@MrChaosAdam]

Excellent video! Could you make a video on how to avoid raising a narcissist/borderline? Does narcissism/borderline have a genetic component?

[@chrissearcher3563]

Yes, please!!! So scared of this with my kids!!

[@kingkong8974]

There's ways a genetic component

[@jaredmello]

This would be a great topic to cover

[@Nico1952]

See unconditional parenting.

[@cloudattack3279]

The New Sun I would never rule out a genetic component. However the socio-economic is the primary driver.

[@galedivaris6487]

This video on attachment style, I found particularly interesting as attachment is the beginning, so you would think it would be a vital block to the picture. Thanks Dr Grande, so pleased when I saw you posted.

[@cherylewers6322]

I have a lot of respect for the very lifelike notion of disorganized attachment. It leaves so much room for interpretation in the best way. Being mindful of everything that *disorganized attachment* could mean for each of my friends, family, partner, even my cats and dog(!) and people I work with ... has allowed me to manage my expectations significantly better than I think I would've been able to without this helpful idea. And this seems to be leading to steadily more secure/organized attachment for us all. "Meeting people where they're at" is probably something I attempt to do as a consequence of this, where it makes sense to do so. Sort of a lifesaver. Very informative video, btw -- thanks for doing it. I think it's important for sure.

[@livictori]

I believe based on how, I was an anxious preoccupied. When I had my second daughter I saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ocpd. The fear of ruining my children caused me to seek years of therapy. My attempt to avoid them being abused by men and avoiding interacting with men on a deep level made me develop dismissive traits as an adult. I just ended my engagement because I truly believe his intentions are insincere. Over the last couple weeks, KZbin has exposed these theories and I’ve been binging on videos. I will be seeking therapy because this is overwhelming

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

At university my last superior's area of expertise actually was attachment theory. I never liked it too much, I found it to be square and narrow minded, uuhhhhh... made me want to escape, so I worked in some other project there. I don't know how exactly you manage to do this, but your video about it is done in a sweet manner. People might get a false impression about academic psychology through your vids (too positive), but who cares... cutely done, doctor. 🐹 💗

[@AWanderingEye]

Dr. Grande is our Mr. Big*! Haha *Sex in the City Ref

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

@@AWanderingEye Oh, then you must be Carrie? Hi, it's me, Charlotte. 😊

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

The funniest thing about this video for me happens around min. 9:14, when a positive & negative view of oneself plus a positive & negative view of others is characterized as "disorganized attachment style".To me this is simply a realistic view of the world and oneself, very organized. I've learned that a disorganized style comes from a approach-avoidance conflict, I think Dr. Grande mentioned it just yesterday in the last video (the one about schizoid personality disorder), which means that one desires something that is potentially dangerous at the same time. It is seen as (extremely) positive but with a price attached that is too high. For me this is not the same thing. Am I simply hairsplitting here or is this distinction justified? Any comments (agree, disagree) on that? 😃 Edit: sorry I think I was indeed a bit hairsplitting here. When something is broken down to make it easier to understand, of course the whole thing loses precision. I think I know how it was meant in the vid, thank you.

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

@@juliettailor1616 Oh, I can help you with that. The term "disorganized" is a common clinical term. In attachment theory it originally refers to the seemingly aimless, confused behaviour of the child in the experimental situation of Marie Ainsworth' 'strange situation test' and is at a later point in time used for behaviours of grown-ups in their relationships. The child went back and forth and didn't know what to do. This is not splitting, in which purely positive and purely negative feelings are held over a certain amount of time and then alternate. Disorganized means literally been torn apart between positive and negative characteristics of a situation at one point of time. The term was also used in this way to describe a certain subtype of schizophrenia in the DSM IV, since this type of conflict can be experienced in the illness frequently. Hope this was helpful.

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

@@juliettailor1616 Thank you for your kind answer.⭐ It's obviously that the inner conflicts are a bit different, you described this actually very well, but to what degree and in which way precisely... you've got me stumped here.🙂 You know what, I will ask him directly if he might give some clarification on this issue in an extra video. This should be a nice topic, I think. 💛

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

@@jeffkoe310 Yeah, exactly.

[@ybrueckner5589]

actually I got confused at exactly the same place thinking good and bad is how I see myself and the world. I presumed that as balanced So I was confused by that too

[@caitlin2418]

As someone with BPD, the correlating attachment style you described (disorganized) really resonated with me. I'd also just like to add that I find your voice and facial expressions very soothing, and watching your videos always helps me to feel more at ease, no matter what sort of day I may be having.

[@mattbeckwith]

I was quite confused by all this until you arranged them by positive and negative view of self and others, especially when you said you can have both a positive and negative view of self or others. Now it makes sense.

[@tammyschaad4012]

I have watched many of your videos on personality disorders. I majored. In psychology in college and dropped my theory of personality class and now I’m sorry that I did. Thank you for the interesting and informative video!

[@Holypikemanz]

I was anxious avoidant for a long time, bipolar OCD mom, I didnt like being completely alone, found doing things for others way easier than doing stuff for myself, and felt uncomfortable when people got too close. Increased social practice and neurogenesis from Ayahuasca and increased brain connections from magic mushrooms seems to be helped ALOT. Nootropics as well.

[@suras8984]

How did nootropics help you?

[@atilla718]

This is the best channel on KZbin. It literally explains every relationship to everyone in your life. It makes you understand everything. Please make a video about how to fully heal trauma and transform an insecure attachment style into a secure attachment style.

[@sharonroberts225]

Dr Grande, thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise on attachment styles. I am in my final year of Criminology and Forensic Psychology, and found your videos extremely helpful. Thank you 🙂

[@joywebster2678]

I found eriksons developmental tasks also very important throughout my career to help understand the behaviours I saw in front of me. Many failed task one, trust vs. Mistrust which certainly spoke to the more complex attachment theories. Thanks for a great explanation.

[@chloem.872]

Thank you Dr. Grande! Relating attachment to personality the way you have is exceptionally helpful in understanding my own self and my own family dynamics, as well. I really appreciate this explanation. As a side, I find it so interesting that schizotypal personality disorder has no sense of self at all. I'm curious now about the relationship between it and schizophrenia, which I assume would have the same feature. Anyway, thank you so much for the content you put out onto this platform, it's worlds away from the content we usually get on mental health!

[@rosemuseli8933]

This was both compact and comprehensive enough for a university lecture. Thanks so much.

[@tsukareppi]

The great thing about Dr. Grande is that, though what he doesn't know about psychology could fit on a pinhead, he can explain concepts and give examples of everyday behavior in an easy-to-understand manner. I find that if there is anything I want to know about psychology, I'll search his channel and, more likely than not, there will be a video about it. Am I showing my attachment style if I say please, please, never go away Dr. Grande ?

[@sunyoungpark910]

This is so great. I would love to watch it again and again. The only thing is that I wish there was something visual to look at so that I can remember what he said better.

[@cecitrigos5810]

Love it! Thank u. Even though we can´t go thru life judging others by their attachment style/personality issues, it is soooo useful to know these theories. Especially to get to know yourself! :)

[@Adara007]

Wow - Dr. Grande you're on fire with the number of excellent uploads both late last year and now in 2020! This is a very complex, important, and fascinating subject matter. The conceptual model you've provided is definitely a good way to fairly quickly examine someone with a personality pathology using attachment theory, and I found it very interesting to examine the different attachment styles, modes of self, and of others, and the beliefs held by individuals with different personality disorders. Thank you for examining this complex subject with your combination of scientific research and evident empathy.

[@nethervvoid]

Man, another great video. I've been reading about Attachment Theory a lot and watching a lot of videos on it. You really do your research. Great info. Thanks!

[@poppyblue2509]

Thank you Dr Grande, your intro helps me on personal and professional level!

[@cocoskirt]

This is gold. Been looking for a discussion of the relationship between attachment styles and personality disorders. Thank you.

[@helenannelder8860]

Very informative and helpful in understanding family members. I would be interested in knowing what maternal behaviors create the different personality disorders; specifically anti-social personality disorder.

[@mamabear776]

Just a thought, Ted Bundy was left in a Home for Unwed mothers for 2 months before his mom's parents went and got him. Also, Casey Anthony's mom worked 12 hours a day and we dont know what her infant attachments were or if they were consistent. I think that infant attachment is crucial and more influential than we even realize.

[@Adara007]

Thank you once again for an excellent, scientific-based analysis of attachment theory and its relationship to personality pathology. I remember one of the first essays in the 1st year of psychology (at University) was about whether a child's experiences during his/her first few years of development was important, and how. It involved studying various experiments typically conducted in the 1960s and earlier which were quite cruel (such as Harry Harlow’s Rhesus Monkey Experiments), as well as those involving institutionalised children such as those in orphanages who were not provided with much or only perfunctory physical attention, affection or loving treatments from any 'caregivers.' Not once did we study the relationship of attachment styles to personality pathology or personality traits in general which may have been due to the decrease in the popularity of attachment theory and the rise of interesting cognitive behavioural theory and therapies. Do you think the Preoccupied and Fearful attachment styles are often generated by trauma rather than just innate personality or genetic/hereditary?

[@Adara007]

Dr. Grande, would you be able to look into C-PTSD and PTSD and the theory that certain personality types and/or people with certain traits are more likely to develop a trauma-related disorder, whether it be PTSD, C-PTSD, DID or OSDD? Also, it would be helpful if you could bring your expertise to bear on the concept of three (3) subtypes of PTSD, internalising, externalising and "simple PTSD". There's been some researchers who have connected high negative affectivity as a risk factor for PTSD and also the combination of this trait, neuroticism, with marked introversion or social inhibition, which some call "Type D personality", as risk factors for developing this trauma-related disorder. I am wondering if there's a case here for correlation not equaling causation i.e. that some individuals who develop PTSD or C-PTSD become more introverted and score higher on the neuroticism scale - as per the Big 5 or OCEAN test - *after* they've been exposed to trauma and develop PTSD or C-PTSD rather than being innately introverted or neurotic beforehand. The seeming comorbidity common to PTSD with findings from a few studies showing those with PTSD have higher rates of antisocial personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder (or BPD) is a matter I'm interested in and would like your thoughts on. It would also be very helpful to hear your analysis of the apparently three (3) temperament -based subtypes of PTSD - internalising, externalising, and "simple PTSD" - and the relationships of these subtypes to certain personality disorders e.g. schizoid and avoidant personality disorders being associated with the internalising subtype of PTSD, the externalising subtype apparently being associated with antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders, and the "simple" subtype of PTSD is, as the name suggests, believed to be typified by relatively normal personality profiles and low levels of the features of comorbid personality disorders. I find the division into externalising and internalising problematic considering that the traits deemed characteristic of these two subtypes often appear or in or are exhibited by the same individual with PTSD which strongly suggests that an individual with PTSD can have both anger, aggression and anti-social traits which characterise externalising PTSD *and* social avoidance and withdrawal, anxiety and depression which characterise internalising PTSD. Also, since the research on this three (3) temperament-based subtypes of PTSD appears only to have been undertaken using combat veterans, whether these categories truly are appropriate to be applied to anyone with PTSD o C-PTSD seems questionable without those with PTSD from other trauma-related circumstances being studied such as survivors of sexual abuse or assault.

[@carmieenriquez7860]

Thank you, Doc. I've been hoping you could discuss this topic. You're very helpful, as always. Love from the Philippines. 🇵🇭❤️

[@Andromeda_M31]

This theory has helped me understand people while dating. As far as I'm concerned it's very accurate in romantic relationships.

[@Andromeda_M31]

@@kevinhornbuckle Having good boundaries with their mothers, not making excuses for her behavior, standing up to her, NOT living in denial that he has the perfect family. I won't make long term plans with a guy if his mother is narcissistic or histrionic. It's not his fault but he needs to not allow her to harass his partner. We can't pick our parents but we can work on ourselves and have realistic expectations. I've been in situations with "son-husbands", these guys need to be left alone. Just as well as woman might not have a good relationship with her father but if she's working on herself and a good person, then her chance of having a healthy relationship is better than someone is who will not address their issues. People can't choose their parents but they can become better people, you can tell by how they conduct their lives.

[@Andromeda_M31]

@@kevinhornbuckle Mostly I learned to stay away from avoidant men. Been happy ever since.

[@TheRealJeffers]

There are four (4) "Fs" that are responses to an NPD 'mom' - the Fawn you despise, Flight, Freeze, and the Fight that is just as frequent you may have missed. Once made more self-aware through education, we warriors of Dickensian childhoods are *more* small-z zen with balanced leadership and loyalty than neurotypicals, demanding honesty and safety to go with their empathy. I'm not looking, but you're missing out on those with 'examined lives' well worth living.

[@sciencebeartimberwoods7610]

How in the world do you manage to crank out so many videos at that quality? Keep up the good work but please don't burn out! You wouldn't be the first KZbinr.

[@treatmenice1564]

Dr. G is a hard working man. I hope he takes care of himself as well.

[@jeladsnikpoh1289]

He is amazing and life changing, no question. There is still hope for humanity.

[@christinley5213]

This was definitely helpful... I'm realy understanding cluster b alot more.good way of looking at it from another angle.

[@tdesq.2463]

Excellent Presentation, Doctor! Like a bullet sheet: Clear, concise and packed with valuable information. Grazi!

[@mariarivero9567]

Thank you Dr Grande for this very clear video regarding attachment styles. Now I understand!!!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Nice job explaining a very complex topic!

[@timzarkfluting2121]

If there is one thing that I have gained from watching your videos it is this: complexity and the unsuredness (provisionality) of connections of ideas (theory), which leads me to say , 'thank goodness I am not a clinician, responsible for the mental diagnosis of patients'. How in a field of research with so many disputed, unverified ideas (names), can one act , in practice, with confidence? I have spent, as a layperson, a lot of time gaining some purchase on feelings following psychological abuse , ie. validation of emotions , and that is just MY emotions, never mind your complex hypothetical scenarios and the wider world of situations. I can't help feeling that my 'validations' might fall below the mark set here! Or, alternatively, you are simply making things far more complicated than they really need to be.

[@ArtU4All]

I am so glad KZbin sent Dr. Grande’s channel to me. 😌 How often does one encounter people ANYWHERE than can lay out things so succinctly and logically, and especially on the subject of human nature and behavior! Enlightening and surprisingly entertaining 🙏🌿🌞

[@laetitialalila7390]

Hi Dr. Grande, thanks for another tought-provoking and well reseached video!

[@mariskamiessler3261]

Absolutely brilliant and understandable conception, thank you! Have you done a video, or will you please do a video, on clinical interventions for the repair of each insecure attachment style? Any resources on this are gratefully accepted.

[@heatherc2939]

I only found you recently. I suffered neglect. I had BPD which turned into avoidant as a coping mechanism for BPD which I assumed I grew out of, but really haven't - I've just spent 20 yrs alone.

[@lissacablerware8475]

Thank you Dr Grande 🙏🏽 This video is appeasing to my analytical approach in understanding the links to behaviour based on trauma (bonding and attachment). The analysis is pertinent to accessing a best therapy to unlock these patterns ~ if such a thing is possible for some. As I was recently able to unlock a belief that has been running since birth - not nursed/nurtured - I do sense hope for others if they are willing to accept their traumas and to heal them. This requires letting go of those formulated beliefs and recreation of healthy alternatives 💞

[@jimena6264]

Thank you so mich for writing the references you used for the video. Greetings from Mexico!!!

[@genevabecker8441]

This might be the best video you have made. Thank you so much...

[@NarcissisticAbuseRehab]

I’ve been hoping that you’d cover this topic! What a pleasant surprise ☀️

[@rubbertwain]

I've been watching your channel off and on for probably a year or so and this is my first comment. I watched this video from start to finish, and my comprehension up to 10:21 was probably in the teen percentile, and I almost turned it off. When you started to describe the personality disorders, my comprehension increased to about the forty percentile range, I wanted to understand the subject matter here. I rewatched, backed up when necessary which was often, I mean a lot, and listened repeatedly to the same sentences, thoughts and explanations until I reached my maximum level of comprehension. I probably spent an hour, maybe more with this video. Based on my total comprehension which I still don't think is very good, I believe I am a preoccupied dependent AVP. My brother, whom I love dearly but cannot stand due to his irrational and abusive behavior, is a malignant narcissist in the fearful dismissive attachment style (I think). I once scored 129 on an an I.Q. test given by a friend who was a university professor. I either lost a few dozen points since or need a score higher than 129 to understand what was said here.

[@gsafadi2]

Very interesting topic! Love those dives in the mind. Great video Dr.Grande! 😆

[@vampoftrance]

Dr. Grande, I was lucky to see my own limitations and learn psychology to help those around me. My mother, sister and extented family's lives as everyone has problems. It wasn't enough for me to be a punk rocker blaming my mother for my failure. Patients can heal with CBT in personality disorders like mine. My advice to anyone listening to the video, don't give up on your relationship first to avoid pain even if they break off with you" last "it still is painful. Goes for job seach or working for a new job as well as love attachment.

[@im19ice3]

thank you for sharing! that was very concise and helpful :D its a really good way to overview a subject as ample as personality pathology, the bitesized bidimensional view of how self and other are comparatively makes it less overwhelming and comfortably systematic since it can get overwhelming when the lines between the cluster classifications can get so blurry

[@beautyandmind]

Thank you so much for looking into all these clinical studies for us. I have never heard anybody talk about this in such detail. If you wouldn't teach this, I wouldn't know. You should write books and give courses that could be booked internationally. Excellent work, thank you, this is motivating me to also do better.🌷🌷🌷

[@pocoeagle2]

Dr. Grande is busy writing a book about narcissism.

[@beautyandmind]

@@pocoeagle2 Awesome, when is it out on the bookshelfs?📚📖🤓

[@pocoeagle2]

@@beautyandmind probably in 2021

[@malabuha]

54 likes, 4 views... that's when you get that grade in school that is higer than A+ 😎

[@louisianalady7105]

Parents: truly love your children- just as they are! ♥️ I am so thankful that I gave my children all of my time when they were growing up. They were not overindulged, they were held accountable so as to help them learn the importance of self responsibility and self contribution to situations. They were allowed the opportunity to state their case when a sibling disagreement or a parent-child disagreement arose. They first had to take a cooling off period, then we would have a discussion with those involved; followed by a forgiveness and an acceptance period. All in all, I know my three adult children feel loved, valued, understood; and they know how to enact the feelings of accountability, responsibility, and forgiveness. They can “tuck themselves into bed each night knowing that they are loved very much”. My pediatrician once remarked, “I wish every parent felt like you about their role of being a mother.” I’ve never forgotten that huge compliment, and the sense of validation of what I was hoping to accomplish. All in all, I feel like I did a good job of being a mother. Of all the accomplishments I’ve undertaken in my life, motherhood is by far the most important. I’m so glad that I put my children first, that I poured so many life lessons into their upbringing. My eldest son is now a doctor (anesthesiologist), and he has a 13 month old baby. Recently, he sent me a photo of his baby daughter tightly hugging a stuffed animal (tiger) that we made years ago- when he was just 4 years old. His remark, “Seeing your kid play with a toy that your mom helped you sew when you were a kid... priceless”. I never knew this future hug would happen, and it exemplifies the importance of spending time with your children all through their lives, but especially when they are really young. I left every gigantic whip stitch in that tiger exactly as my son made them... resisting the urge to “straighten things up”. I’m so glad I gave my children the freedom to do their best at the various stages of growth. If I had “fixed” those gigantic whip stitches in that tiger, then I would have robbed my son of his best work and sense of acc. Even more- I would have regretted not being able to now see the authentic work of his once tiny hands. Imagine how fabulously he now “sews” up his patients! ♥️

[@ST-kr7hz]

I wish my mother had been more like you. She was critical, entitled, overbearing, enmeshed, and was prone to hysterical behavior in front of me and my brother that terrified us. I did not turn out okay to say the least. Good for you for being conscious of how you raise your kids.

[@2112emilio]

I think this is the perfect information, organized in the best way to start exploring these important things.

[@ennvee3354]

It appears to me that if one is able to recognize this concept earlier, it may be easier( or quicker)to understanding which personality types of individual we are dealing with (again easier and/or quicker ) this would be helpful for those struggling in“toxic relationships 🤔 My thought.

[@alexgraves85]

Hi Dr. Grande, I really appreciate your videos on different theoretical orientations. I'm using them for supplemental information/support while I study for my clinical exam and the way you lay out the information has been *so helpful* in solidifying the information I obtained from a study program I am using. Thanks so much! :)

[@kevinsommerfield6341]

Dr. Grande, Thank you for the video! Very interesting! One thing that confused/surprised me was when you said the attachment style of ocpd was preoccupied. This surprised me because I thought you said in previous videos that people with ocpd were brought into therapy because they were not paying enough attention to their personal relationships. That seems inconsistent with a preoccupied attachment style as you described it. If I am missing something could you let me know? I know that you don't usually answer questions from the comments directly, so maybe you could discuss this in another video? Again, thanks for all of your hard work, you are the content provider I watch the most. Kevin

[@FrancesShear]

Dr. Grande I believe what you are saying. As a caregiver I would see it as far more worrisome concerning Personality if someone trying to cope with recovering from a potential fatal illness wasn't grateful for the treatment they were getting there while constant looking for an exit from there after being brought to the medical facility for treatment for COVID-19 if I witnessed some inappropriate behavior indicating that someone has a secure attachment style when not wanting to go home and back to work yet because it might be too soon. That to me showed they were not overconfident about how well they will be able to fulfill their duties after leaving the hospital. And so I wouldn't automatic assume that patient has conduct disorder, Dependent PErsonality disorder, Hystrionic Personality disorder etc. just because they threw a tantrum without hurting anybody there. At least that patient is capable of forming attachment to the people who are caring for them. I'd be far more concerned about that patient's personality problems maybe developed through a high fever and childhood experiences if they were always trying to leave the medical facility while they had no children under the age of 8 to protect from others who had harmed them permanently. To me breaking confidentiality about a patient like that would not be part of my Hippocratic oath nor would it be showing any kind of respect to my elders. if I were a doctor. People with PErsonailty Disorders for sure often believe they are unique and special while believing that others are not equally as so while at the same time believing that all of us human beings are far more alike than each of our own uniqueness.

[@user-wj3yr7xr2f]

This will definetly be my favorit video. And I will save it for future referens. You really cleared up the diffrent theories and made it easy to see the connetion with personality dosorders. I can fit my self in there. Hahaha! I have come a cross this concepts both as a student of behavior science and in my privat life attending a 12 step meeting. ACA (Adult children of alcoholics and other dysfunctional families). Now it will be a bit easyer to navigate my own healing. Thank you!

[@JennyNobody]

Thank you Dr. Grande! I think attachment style is possible a symptom rather than a cause Edit: without my BPD I would probably never have had enough drive or desire to find myself a good partner. I'm happy for that.

[@sio831]

Can you talk about infants who don’t bond with their biological mother and and go into care. Particularly early on before 9m.

[@gabriellavictory3080]

I recommend the documentaries of orphans in Romania and Russia as an example of the results of institutionalized care.

[@joywebster2678]

Sio so like dr Grande mentioned in this video the dismissive attachment? And then u are suggesting this lack of attachment sent them into care?

[@terierichards1366]

my desire perhaps the (lack of)“care” at the orphan age sent them into lack of attachment

[@joywebster2678]

@@terierichards1366 that wasn't what sio asked she/he said those who don't bond and and go into care. So I was trying to ask if she meant orphans, straight up which is a known attachment problem, or was she suggesting that mother's got rid of kids who didn't attach.

[@terierichards1366]

my desire my bad 🕊

[@vanessamanchester8140]

I have to do a research paper about attachment and personality. This video and the links will help me a lot. Thank you.

[@SethHMG]

Attachment theory might not be supported by a lot of empirical evidence; therefore, it’s not a sound scientific theory. However, as a functional model, I think it works very well. For the layperson, I think flawed but functional beats peer-reviewed but marginally useful. Very good video. It terms of personal experience, I’ll accept the possibility of having a personality disorder, but statistics just don’t support my having dated so many Borderlines! (Fearful/Disorganized, however, offers a very practical grouping of common characteristics that I seem to keep encountering).

[@charlieangkor8649]

My personal simplified description is this: Secure=normal Dismissive Avoidant=evil Anxious Preoccupied=clingy Fearful Avoidant=shy

[@Sunset553]

Do you have a simplified description for disorganized attachment?

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

So much information in one video!!! Amazing!!

[@sachab6098]

Previously I thought I had anxious attachment, and then I switched to being more avoidant. My therapist agreed with me on that hypothesis. She used an assessment with me and turns out I'm disorganised. Well, it makes sense now. My mom was hot and cold when I was growing up. I hated her, she hated me, and sometimes she would be nice. I've always wondered when she started hitting me. I feel like that matters since my therapist has alluded to my having a weak sense of self. Interestingly, I don't experience much dissociation, and I'm glad for that because the disorganised thing is enough of a curveball.

[@bthomson]

So well spoken! Never a misstep! Well organized and amazingly thoroughly researched! 🎖🏆🏅

[@MsClever26]

this was so insightful. I wish there were more videos detailing each type and their influence on choices, relationships etc

[@iluvj50]

Dr. Grande: What do you feel is the Nature vs. Nurture ratio? Attachment is part of environment and, I suspect, a huge factor. But I suspect the genetic factor will increase as neuroscience learns more. I know there's no definitive answer but what's your hunch? I suspect it's not 50/50.

[@rhondamarshall4152]

Well, this would seem a helpful tool, though it would not explain everything.

[@joywebster2678]

If mother's have such profound effects on child development, personality, and life, genetics may only shift how the infant copes with the not good enough mother.

[@iluvj50]

@@joywebster2678Or maybe it's the other way around. That's why I asked my question.

[@joywebster2678]

@@iluvj50 don't get ur other way around point sorry

[@iluvj50]

@@joywebster2678 The other way around is the possibility that genetics exert the stronger influence and that poor attachment activates the genetic predisposition.

[@martcichocki5571]

The Voice of Reason speaks sensibly on difficult psychological concepts/theories yet again! Thank you for the meticulous illustrations. Glad I subscribe. Very interesting & myriad of subjects regarding personality disorders.

[@DrgnTmrSirGawain]

Can you do one correlating 16 part personality profile, attachment type, and the personality clusters? Maybe insights on personality profile and how it might corelate to attachment theory. Also very interesting to see how partnership dynamics change depending on their personality profile and how their attachment style adjusts to the partnership. thanks!

[@GGiblet]

I had such a wonderful relationship with my mother 💖🌈💖 my da too I wish everyone could have (at least) love to begin with! Thank you as always Dr Grande 👏👏👏

[@slynn8301]

Thank you so much, your videos are entertaining and informative. They are an excellent research based critical analysis of important topics in psychology and I’m learning so much from you!

[@HaleyStaleySeattle]

I have bpd and I always get "anxious attachment", which is true. I am always feeling insecure in relationships, scared of abandonment, clingy, constantly needing reassurance and making assumptions.

[@yourenough3]

Thanks Dr. G . Appreciate the content. Have a great sunday.

[@harlotteoscara686]

When I was a social worker, I had a case of a 6 y/o boy with Disinhibited Attachment Disorder. His caregiver seemed utterly clueless about how dangerous his condition was. I lost more sleep over that kid’s safety than I can articulate.

[@bthomson]

Thank goodness for truly involved therapists! But hopefully you can also keep yourself safe!

[@anamello674]

Very educative video. The kind that I like. Thank you so much, Dr Grande.

[@octoberskye1049]

The question arises concerning attachment styles in infants and very young children with Autism Spectrum Disorder, and the reaction of "Neurotypical" mothers who find these (undiagnosed) children uninterested, incomprehensible, and either frustrating or a reason to consider themselves maternal failures. Additionally, mothers and infants who experience a prolonged period of separation through situations of prolonged illness or incarceration, thus losing an opportunity to bond until the child is older - and no loving female surrogate is available. Would these children be predisposed to unhealthy attachment styles throughout their lives?

[@andrewphillips-hird3761]

With respect to terminology, I was taught to refer to the styles as secure, anxious-ambivalent, anxious-avoidant, and disorganised in children; in adults, they would be secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. With respect to self-esteem/opinions of others, I was taught that in the fearful-avoidant quadrant, attitudes can also be unclear/confused in place of simply negative.

[@lauraprofit5561]

Thanks Dr. Grande great information also very helpful!

[@Ptxlive]

Thanks for explaining the links here, you were very clear.

[@The_Tortoise_and_the_Hare]

I have avoidant personality disorder and I always thought I had a mix of dismissive attachment style and the fearful attachment style. I just don't feel like I fit the preoccupied on at all, but the again I always feel very confused about what I feel, I'm not sure I feel what I should be feeling most of the time.

[@face_nemesis]

Ohh, the opinions of self/others made this make so much more sense. I always thought this was really dumb because I would get different results a lot. But it makes sense if my opinions on myself/others change with stuff like mood swings

[@rebekahcrossman4690]

Dr Grande do you remember seeing any research done on those who were colic as babies - typically the first 3 months of life? My daughter was colic with a capital C. She screamed and cried unusually loudly (I was sure she’d grow up to have an incredibly powerful voice!) and while I spoke with several mothers who said they couldn’t take it and had to hand their baby to a neighbor, relative or friend willing to endure the non-stop crying, I continued white knuckling it day after day for Long Lonely hours holding, rocking or singing to her because I felt leaving her to cry alone would be abandonment. I’m not one to take the easy road in favor of doing what I think is best (unfortunately). I also saw the benefit of leaving her in a room to cry - but she spent the entire day crying/screaming. Of course I was horribly fatigued and stressed and felt the tragedy of my baby never making eye contact with me. 20 yrs later I feel those colic days never ended. I still white knuckle it. She was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder but has always had the irritability, distrust and angry outburst issues but now all the 9 traits of BPD. Her father has all the same traits but milder. And - he WASNT colic! I can certainly see that disorganized attachment theory fits her. Can you shed any light on “our beginning” and how it may have shaped her character or recommend any readings? This is one of the most enlightening videos of yours that I’ve seen. THANK YOU.

[@lindadunn8787]

Thank you. Please, a video on projecting? Cause and effect? Thank you.

[@louisianalady7105]

I could use a PowerPoint slideshow of charts to compare and contrast the important information being presented here. Thank you for the interesting discussion, Dr. Grande. Respectfully, Dr. Lana Brumfield