End-of-Life Visions and Other Experiences with Barbara Karnes RN | EOLU Podcast

This week I'm welcoming back my recurring guest Barbara Karnes RN, hospice nurse and international speaker and educator. She is also the author of the "little blue hospice book" Gone from My Sight and the recent book for caregivers, By Your Side. Barbara and I discuss common phenomena that occur during the last days of life that can be upsetting to families if they don't understand what's happening. As usual we share lots of stories and experiences along with our own approach to handling these situations. Learn more about Barbara's work at her website:
www.bkbooks.com/
This episode includes:
🍃 The frequency of unexplained phenomena at the end of life
🍂 What it's like when a patient experiences a deathbed vision
🍃 The symbolic language that patients may use prior to death
🍂 What is terminal lucidity and how to help loved ones understand what is happening
🍃 How to respond to patients and caregivers when deathbed phenomena occur
🍂 Why it's important to validate and normalize these experiences
🍃 Why we should avoid interjecting our own beliefs and interpretations about these events
🍂 How to help loved ones find the gift in these experiences rather than be afraid of them
Links mentioned in this episode:
🍃 Get EOLU Podcast Merch here: eolupodcast.com/merchandise/
🍂 Book: Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley - amzn.to/3n5ikwe
🍃 Book: Death is But a Dream by Dr. Christopher Kerr - amzn.to/3oOeBn8
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7 Lessons for Living from the Dying : www.indiebound.org/book/97817...
The Journey from Ego to Soul: www.indiebound.org/book/97809...
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🍂 Intro Music Credit:
"Bright Wish" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
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[@Tom_From_Alpharetta]

The last night I visited with my brother dying from the rejection of transplanted lungs, he asked that I bring him a chili dog, chili burger and onion rings from the drive in, the Varsity, an Atlanta institution that was a very wonderful place of family memories. His last meal in the ICU of Emory university hospital in Atlanta was of my brother eating a meal that symbolized the culmination of joyous family memories for my brother. For the remainder of the evening, we called family members and expressed to them how much he loved them. It was a marvelous evening of farewell that left all of us blessed to know that when he passed later that evening, he did so at peace. Today whenever I eat an onion ring, I feel my brother’s love.

[@kathyterrell4264]

When my father was in the hospital & we were speaking to the Dr in the hallway that it wasn't looking good, my dad called my name. I ran in & he had only time to say I'm dying. Then I could tell he was going through his life. All I could understand was "oh the whales... they're so beautiful". I remember he used to tell me of the whales he loved to watch in Hawaii while in WWII. Within a couple minutes he was gone

[@missyfix3508]

Thank you. Now I understand that my friend left me with a final gift. I thought he was just hallucinating, but now see, we were sharing a moment in his eyes, a visit to our favorite place to watch the wild horses out on the desert.

[@TheMelaniebarber1]

I wish I could have came across your podcasts before my mom died. None of it made sense at the time and had I known some of this stuff I would've asked her more questions 🙁 The nurses sedated my mom and I asked them not too becuase I wanted to be able to talk to her if she had something to say. I think they robbed us of our last moments because it was easier for them. I didn't know if she needed it or not. Maybe it was better for mom to be asleep but I sure wish that if she could say something I would've loved to hear it. I miss her so much

[@terri5757]

Back in 2004 my MIL had been in the hospital after having a heart attack. My husband had been up to see her after work one night. He came home and told me his Mom had been talking to her Mom, Sister and her very best friend who died years before. He didn’t know what to think. I worked in Nursing Homes for years and I ran across people often who passed not long after seeing loved ones. I went to the hospital the next morning but my MIL had had a stroke to where she couldn’t get out words, but she could still point and motion. She was very much alert. When I came in the room she started pointing to a corner of the room and was trying to get out with all her might that someone was there. Actually more than one person as she pointed at separate people. I know they were people because I asked her by name if it was the 3 people she told my husband about. She was all excited and shook her head yes and waved her hand at each person’s name. I had such a peaceful feeling. I just acted like I seen the people and that made her really happy. I knew she was terribly afraid to die. We had talked about that many times. I needed to go but I told my MIL that my husband, her Son, would be there that evening after work. When he got home from work that evening I told him he needed to go she his mom. He had an extremely rough day at work and he told me he thought he would just rest that night and go the next night and that the nurses had told him the night before that they weren’t expecting his mom to pass for at least several days. I told him I didn’t think she had that much time and that I couldn’t be sure she would pass that night but I knew she didn’t have long. Thank goodness he felt led to go. She did pass that night. I’m so glad he did go to visit as I promised he would. And I’m certainly glad my MIL had her Mother, Sister and best friend to take her home, especially since she was so afraid to be alone. There was more to the story that was a little strange on the day I went to the hospital, even the fact that I went to the hospital at all but I might be able to tell that part another time if anyone is interested, but I got out the part about her visits. I have no doubt that these visits are real.

[@carmenwg]

Share the rest if able, I’d love to hear more!! Thanks for sharing that touching story

[@ArnoldZiffle-jw2mv]

👍Yes, please tell the rest

[@charlotter4656]

We are going through this process now, my mom is 100 with advanced dementia. I'm her primary caregiver and I'm observing much of this as she is in in-hospices. She stares at the ceiling alot, and talks alot by herself.

[@timh3252]

Thank you so much for this conversation!!❤ The end of life process truly is a gift!

[@williampopper59]

Thanks so much to both of you. This is such an important issue, I really appreciate your stories and perspectives! 👍🙏🙏

[@user-ub3ft8ml9k]

Brilliant

[@victoriajohnson3034]

I gain so much from the conversations you both have together! Thank you so much!

[@nicolenatalie1010]

loved this so much thank you both!

[@kathyterrell4264]

My MIL heard people coming upstairs to her bedroom in our home a few days before she passed while she was awake & not bedridden. One night we were up talking til 3am & I stepped away... she said someone is bouncing like their hand on my bed. So I said Billy Jr (deceased husband) we'll go to bed if you stop that. The bouncing stopped & we went to bed.

[@dianesmith3338]

Truly lovely

[@michelles9897]

Love listening to you and Barbara! Thank you to you both.

[@ElisaHawkes]

OMG, this was so good in so many ways. TY.

[@DoeMal]

What an absolutely beautiful video! I am in tears right now. Having been at the bedside of both my parents and my mother-in-law in their last moments, I can relate to a lot of this. My only regret is that I didn’t have this knowledge before my loved ones passed. I wish I would have had these videos to watch and your books to read beforehand so that I would have been better prepared for what was happening. Thank you so very much for sharing this conversation. It helped me understand some of the things that were happening and gives me the knowledge that I will need if I am with another loved one in the future during their journey.

[@davidgingerich2230]

WOW Super awesome stories. Thankyou both.❤❤

[@melodyharcrow5940]

I am so greatful for both of you!!! That was great!! Now ibwant onion rings 😂

[@IntrepidFraidyCat]

My grandmother was in the hospital right before she passed. One day she looked at the ceiling in the corner of the room and said that it fell down. But everything was fine. That ceiling fell down the next day. 😳

[@jmjohnson7504]

How about extra ordinary instead of non-ordinary?

[@billshepherddog3508]

Hi, your Video was very Good, My Dear Mother passed away in 2011, things were not good Sibling wise in our family, with family members fighting about things, it would take 2 long here to tell everything, Heres what i can tell in a short message, 2 of my sisters ( Meddlers is a better word) , when Mom went into a nursing home, they both started controlling things, i at first was a Power of Attorney, but i backed out when the talk was going on that Mom was going 2 b shut Off, I said I Wont b any part of that, because i thought Mom had a Chance Yet, " If She would have gotten the Proper Medical Care, but i got voted out, a few days later i got called at 12 midnight, because the nursing home said Mom was getting near the end, well I hurried and got there, but She wasn't any different from the day b 4, then the meddlers came and started a party, i got so Upset i left, ( Mom and me were So Close that She didnt even have to tell me to do something, i just could feel what She was saying, " Well a feeling like that came upon me saying ' I am Going to be Ok, please leave, ( She knew the meddlers were going to start something, and Mom told me 2 Leave, not even a half hour went by and i get a call saying Mom Passed, and nothing was explained as to how She went, ( what i found out later, was She was given someone to make Her Pass on, ( if i would have stayed i would have Thrown a Fit, because I was Against anything like that, ( thats why Mom told me in her own way when that feeling came upon me telling me to leave, ) I didnt get to be on the funeral planning because the one sister smarted off to me and i left, ( the day of Her funeral, i got there and the meddlers were at it again, and i Got that same feeling ( Please leave and i Did, Somethings i heard later i would have thrown a fit at that, in Moms Defence of Course) so I left, the meddlers later tried taking so.e Money that Mom put away for Me because i took care of Her since 1988 after Dad Passed, i had to leave the home we had, i started living in my Truck, and the lawyer did get the money back for me, and i put a Down payment on a Home of my own , and here i am today, Yet i feel I Failed my Mom for leaving , i felt i Could have Stood Up for Her alot more, Yet She was telling me that i should let it go theres been enough fighting in the family, Sorry this went on so long, Your Video Touched me that i had to Write this, Thank You Again

[@ArnoldZiffle-jw2mv]

Sorry you lost your Mom she is proud of you for letting it go about your sisters. 👍

[@sapphirerain70]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. Death brings out the worst in people. You did a great job with your mom, I know you lost the house but you were able too make a fresh start for yourself.i think your mom would be very proud of you. If your family was bullying you I can’t imagine what your mom felt, which is probably why she asked you to go. They should be ashamed of themselves. You did the best you could helping her and taking care of her. Your mom is always around you and I can’t see her being disappointed at all in you. You were the one who loved her, and cared for her. My dad is declining fast, my brother was always the favorite, he’s getting everything. 2 houses, a summer house,a business,multiple vehicles,tractors etc. I was pissed at first but I take care of my dad every week. I stay multiple days and nights with him. I live an hour away..my brother? He is 5 minutes away from my dad. He don’t want to be involved in his care. It’s ok because I never had a relationship with my father, and these past few years I have learned so much from our conversations and nightly movies. Stuff is stuff, memories are priceless! I send you love and hugs from PA❤🙏🏻🦋

[@billshepherddog3508]

@@sapphirerain70 Thank You 4 Your Kind Words ! Seems like U R going Through what I went Through, I will pray 4 U , U R Right Stuff is Just stuff, yeah I lost the house, ' Mom wasn't there anymore so it was just a house then, nothing worth fighting 4, the house was sold " As Is , so I got what things I could move and left the rest, what part of PA R U From if I can ask ? I got my Girlfriend out in Maryland and whenever I can get out there I want to visit PA , in 1988 I went Through there Through Pittsburgh with a Friend, we were hauling cattle and couldn't stop 2 enjoy things, so I want 2 get back out there and Spend some time there, My Girlfriend and me R getting real Close Friends , I don't know if a marriage will happen , God will decide on that thank U Again !

[@sapphirerain70]

@@billshepherddog3508 I Grew up in Pgh but I live near Belle Vernon area now. (South of Pgh) . I am happy to hear you are doing ok and a marriage may be happening in the future! I been through so much heart break that I have been single for 5 years now by choice. It’s lonely but I have other things to focus on lol. Hugs to you!

[@billshepherddog3508]

Sometime We need a bit of Space 4 Ourselves 2 Sort things out, I can understand that all the way