ENFJ vs ESFJ with Denzel Mensah and Dmitri Scheerer of Personality Hacker | Type Talks E36

Denzel (ENFJ) and Dmitri (ESFJ) contrast their types with each other. They also go over the differences between Fe males and Fe females near the end.
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Hi there! I'm Joyce, a certified MBTI® Master Practitioner, Enneagram Coach, Jungian Typology Expert, Master NLP Practitioner, and Gallup® CliftonStrengths Coach.
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#ENFJ #vs #ESFJ

[@Iceman219]

I find it fascinating that ESFJs all have this urge to serve food to people.

[@JoyceMeng22]

I find it to be the most interesting thing. Dmitri even likes to make the birthday cake for his own birthdays.

[@greenlimabean]

A need they get to meet with something physical. My ESFJ husband doesn't cook, buy he loves to make sure people are fed, if that's the need going on at the time.

[@LelaBria]

😂 it might be my favourite thing about them 😂getchu one. My partner is esfj and figured out pretty fast his normal crap isn’t very effective but finding snacks and providing them is an in 😂 -estp

[@LelaBria]

Y’a lol but seriously i think I’m se first ni fourth so it’s crazy interesting hearing this it does feel backwards. Bec I’m going how can ur in real time day to day life not matter lol like knowing what someone is going through or experincing is s huge factor in building rapport intimacy or knowing someone. Sure I also hate small talk meaningless minutia but I’m hearing alotnof y’all’s (from my perspective of course ) undervaluing of ur connection to the actual real world ur living in and actually realizing that impacts you and me and us all. It impacts and it a whole realm of context that you can’t just slice out and only talk about the deep stuff. Don’t get me wrong I actually feel like I’m my circles I’m often craving wishing they had more interes in deeper lol but y’all is an next level 😂 I wouldn’t be able to keep up with that I think. And yes would feel like hello can you care or touch base with y’a knoe thé living human being existing right here tho too. Lol not just the things I think about sometime deeply

[@Goldforever-vp8zq]

ESFJ wants to make sure everyone physicals needs are met and ENFJ wants to make sure everyone emotional needs are met.

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

I think Ne is just quicker with language because language is external and abstract, which is exactly what Ne is too. Ni on the other hand is abstract but internal, so it does not need a language to communicate because on itself it is not "meant" to be communicated. Therefore it conciously needs be converted into language before it be extroverted, which logically takes more time. It is kind of the same principle with Fi , which also is more detached from language because it's both internal and not directly connected to language either. Unlike Ti Fi can not be expressed that easily into words, and thus has to be converted too. Types with POLR Ne are one of the least talkactive ones (ISFP the most because Fi not good for language, Ni is not good for language and PORL Ne even more) ENTP is the best with language because of Ne at top and no Fi or Ni

[@JoyceMeng22]

EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS SO SMART. Ne users are blessed with the ability to communicate their intuitive thoughts more easily. Lucky :P You presented a great point on how introverted functions are languageless. Their "point" isn't to interact with reality, it's to refine their inner contents to get as close to perfection as you can. Yes, I agree that ISxPs are the least talkative types. THE NE USERS IN THE COMMENTS ALWAYS LEAVE THE MOST THOUGHTFUL IDEAS. If I had gold stars, I'd hand them out to you each time you give out your Ti Ne opinions.

[@NicStride]

I also think Ni actually takes time and is trying to come to a conclusion via processing. Ne doesn't really care about a conclusion, and isn't really used for processing. It's just exploring and taking in abstract, much like how Se doesn't need time to process, it's just exploring and taking in concrete reality. Si is a lot less fluid and spontenous than Se for this same reason, it has to process every piece of sensory information for later recall, which isn't the case for Se users, who are fluid in the moment and will use Ni to recall. :) It's generally a Pe vs Pi thing, I think.

[@flyonthewall4366]

I've been wondering a similar thing about the internal functions. I think it is important to also consider that what is communicated has to be taken in and understood by the recipient as much as just being expressed outwards, and could be about finding that balance. Where in the process is this language limitation for an individual and why? It seems important to understand the overall process inside a mind. (Sorry I'm not very good at this myself, balancing condensing versus retaining details).

[@greenlimabean]

I wish I could follow commenters so I'd know when and what you've commentred.

[@J11_boohoo]

ISTPs and ISFPs are the most quiet INTPs and INFPs move the least haha

[@hfortenberry]

Yeah that's so true about how Ni speaks slowly. Depending on whether I'm using Te or Ni (as an INTJ) I will speak very quickly or more slowly. I have a friend at work who is an ENFJ and she speaks very slowly all the time. It's so cute. You can see her almost pulling words out of the ether.

[@Kutthroatkawaii]

Dimitri’s tertiary tool function Ne comes into play there with his humor to keep the connection and good mood going for the group. That Fe-Ne ability is incredible.

[@milaalaniva775]

Which people keep forgetting that ESFJ can jump/loop Fe-Ne.

[@icanrelate]

I can see why Denzel would break the silence only if he sensed the other person wanted or needed it.

[@hfortenberry]

This was SO interesting to hear Dmitri's perspective because my Stepmom of 45 years is an ESFJ and we've never really understood each other. We've managed to get along over the years just out of sheer will of wanting to but it's never been natural. I've explained a lot to her about MBTI so I think that's helped somewhat but she's never really taken to it. What Denzel said about ESFJs wanting to bond over the little things is so true. She will ask me about a new blouse and compliment it or tell me a recipe or show me something she got to decorate the living room. I can tell she's really trying to bond with me so I always respond positively. But it always feels so shallow to me. But at the same time, it's meaningful because I know it's her way of trying to be close and that means something to me.

[@sweetsoul3145]

what type are you, for reference?

[@hfortenberry]

@@sweetsoul3145 Oh sorry, I usually say it. I'm INTJ.

[@mjade1673]

Have you gotten into enneagram? (I liked that visual test thats available)

[@manamemajeff6283]

@@hfortenberry Oh hey, my best friend is an INTJ, but I guess it works differently for child-parent relationships...

[@greenlimabean]

Let the esfj lead. That's what they do naturally. You "yes, and" them, comment positively on what they say. It's like they throw you a ball (the compliment on the blouse) and you catch it. Receive that compliment. They know the exchange isn't out the blouse. They don't really care about the blouse. They compliment to establish connection. So receive the compliment and you throw the ball back, "yes, and" technique. It doesn't have to be a compliment back to her, but maybe a comment about what feature of the blouse you like. I'm Intp and I can rock the social game! I decided to learn the social game a few years ago, tired of getting negative looks for my sincerity and honesty and silence.

[@Kutthroatkawaii]

Fe and its superpowers cease to amaze me. The differences here are really interesting! Thanks for this interview.

[@JoyceMeng22]

Happy you enjoyed the episode, Shannon 💗💗💗

[@hfortenberry]

Ni is always looking for the deeper meaning, whether that be your favorite color or the reason to remember your name. This is so true for me as well. I will literally ask somebody their name and really want to know but then literally 3 seconds later I've forgotten and I feel bad because I have to ask them again. lol If it's a new coworker or someone who's name I really should remember, I'll repeat it to myself over and over again and also try to tie it to some meaning or something unique about the person.

[@RetroXRicardo]

As an ESFJ, this is true that I will remember all the small details of a person, especially when it's experienced together. Sometimes I'll even remember the clothes a person is wearing and what kind of hairstyle you had. That Fe-Si ability is very strong in us and I absolutely love it! I absolutely love experiencing food together with people. I want to make sure my favourite foods are experienced and shared the way I enjoy it. I'll even buy coffee or treat a person to a meal when I first meet them, to make them feel welcome and special! A wonderful panel to have both An ESFJ and ENFJ male!

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

You are on a role! I fucking love these dynamics and people you bring into this Joyce!

[@JoyceMeng22]

I'm glad. I try really hard to make these engaging! :) I love your videos, so it means a lot for you to watch mine.

[@Dani-jo9yr]

Ni rambling 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️👌👌👌😅😂😂🤣🤣ps. I laughed so hard when Dimitri dropped off when Denzel was rambling on🤪😂🤣🥲😂🤣🤣

[@TheReelAnna]

Oh my gosh, your analogy of the faucet was PERFECT! That sometimes you gotta start running it to get out the dirty water for it to finally become clean and drinkable for the other person to drink! I'm going to use that the next time someone questions why I ramble to finally get to a point 🙈 haha. Another great interview!!!! You're such a great host, Joyce! And I love love love hearing your thoughts on things!

[@JoyceMeng22]

Exactly!! Thank you, Anna. I love hearing your takes too!

[@icanrelate]

Omg such an informative paradigm shifting video. "Focus on what you have in common vs don't have in common " Thanks guys!! I can totally relate to not remembering faces even if I've seen a person several times and they've gotten offended. Which makes me feel bad, but I can't help it. My husband is an ENFP and he remembers faces, not names and that totally adds to his likeability despite not remembering the names. He'll just avoid that in the conversation lol

[@Claego]

This is such an interesting comparison to me as I have several ESFJs and ENFJs in my life. Excited to see how this goes.

[@moniqueeebite]

i've been studying more ESFJs in my life!! suchhh an interesting convo. -infj

[@JoyceMeng22]

Hi Monique! Thanks 💗 ESFJs are rare in the type community so it's nice to have a case study. :)

[@moniqueeebite]

@@JoyceMeng22 do you think it's because sensors aren't looking into type as often as intuitives?

[@JoyceMeng22]

@Monique Khac Yes, and they also mistype as intuitives when they do like MBTI.

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

@@JoyceMeng22 ENFJs are also quite rare in the typing community, so it makes sense that esfjs could be even more rare

[@greenlimabean]

My husband is ESFJ. I'm INTP. I wish the ESFJ first paused and connected to their intuition to know if the person alone in the corner of the room (Dimitri's example at 10:30 or so) really wants to be included, made to laugh, all the things ESFJs do. We all don't need ESFJs powers

[@ombrifugeix4129]

I love listening to both the different and similar ways the two types (and with the occasional input from you, Joyce, three types!) implement their Fe, their perspectives, and as an Fi user, just getting a better feel for how Fe works! It does seem like a very warm way of existing. Thanks for facilitating this fascinating video! I also was pleasantly surprised and grateful for the group’s kind handling and understanding of the quirky ways of Fi. (Thank you ☺️) Keep on keeping on with the great things you’re doing here!

[@mjade1673]

Could tell by Dmitri's face he's the esfj, so funny thats true😄 what an odd phenomenon

[@diplomat2623]

I can tell Denzel had to speed up his speech and speak louder (vs other videos with other types), to match Dmitri’s hyper ESFJ momentum that he can sense.

[@the-life-changing-book-club]

Oh my, witholding my truth to maintain harmony rather than saying my truth to the tribe. Inferior Ti - very helpful.

[@paulbruce5414]

That idea of De-types (Fe, Te) looking for commonality between people, and Di-types (Fi, Ti) looking for differences is really fascinating. Both approaches get an element of truth; we are all like every other person, and like no other person. The Di focus on differences could be a means of ensuring they themselves feel unique, protecting their ego. But in a more constructive way, it could be a means to find opportunities for complementing. Members in any collective need to have a common value/goal (De), but each member has to have their reason for being within in the collective, the role they are to play (Di).

[@JoyceMeng22]

Yesss. Great analysis, Paul! I agree with everything you've said. I'll take a stab at it too: De is all about getting the tribe on the same page towards a common objective. While Di is consulting their inner truth to evaluate and reassess the beliefs held by the consensus.

[@paulbruce5414]

@@JoyceMeng22 What an excellent way to put it. That's great. I mean... don't know if De's like that dissent Di's present... The combination is so important, though. For a great goal to be achieved, there must be both a great goal and a consensus. The Di can assess the goal for accuracy (Ti) or morality (Fi), to ensure it is a goal of worth, and the De can ensure that goal is agreed upon (Fe) and achievable (Te).

[@boryman2999]

Rapport to an Intp is much like "eat your veggies!" I much not like to, but i do it because its a healthy consideration.

[@manamemajeff6283]

GUYS I LOVE THIS VIDEO SO MUCH! I can relate to Dmitri on so many things, I can't be bothered to write them all though. Oh and I have an ENFJ friend and that one part where Denzel got told by his ISTJ friend "So you couldn't just say this?", I could 100% relate with my ENFJ friend, it's a bit irritating talking to him cause he'll just extend his speech so long when he could've just said it shorter... Anyways I love you guys ❤❤❤ -ESFJ

[@dk6071]

I have an ENFJ son who has always gotten along better with girls! I always thought it was because he is so much more verbal than stereotypical boys!

[@samuelunias673]

I loved Denzel's honesty at 1:00:00 haha

[@JoyceMeng22]

😂 😂 😂 I love his brutal honesty

[@Zain-eo4eg]

Admirable how idealists hold these asymptotic ideals; knowing, they may never reach the mountaintop, yet they can get infinitely closer in their pursuit. Idealists dream of a world worth waking up to.

[@hfortenberry]

Wow, Dmitri really does favor Antonia.

[@icanrelate]

Love this video!! You guys are great 😍

[@JoyceMeng22]

Thanks so much!! You are so kind. 🙂

[@greenlimabean]

ESFJs are funny. They are very quick. Someone trows them a ball (a joke, story, observation ), they catch it and throw it back (a new punch line, a funny comment .) They want to keep the mood light and continuing and silly humor is a tool for that. They need people to feel light and good.

[@NavesNiche]

So fascinating

[@hfortenberry]

That was a wonderful insight Denzel had about how Fi users bond over their uniqueness whereas Fe users bond over their similarities. That resonates with me. I find it very enriching to be allowed into another Fi user's inner world and I hold that space precious for them...unless they are total jerks of course, but usually it's just a really cool difference and you learn something from each other and grow more as a result. HOWEVER, when Denzel said that about how they get excited to see they have something in common, Fi users totally do that too! My INFP best friend and I do that all the time too. I LOVE that when that happens. Maybe there is a difference though in the amount we do each one depending on our feeling orientation. Maybe you need to study that Joyce. :-) And the whole forest vs trees and ocean vs droplets were SUCH GREAT analogies! Wow! Denzel is really good at explaining these nuances too, just like you Joyce!

[@DeezyRYG]

Thanks for this insight, Aubrey!! ☺️

[@jimmygarcia6766]

Enfjs to me come off as show offs and know it all. Esfjs come off a bit reserved and studying towards a situation.

[@diplomat2623]

ESFJs are more group oriented ENFJs are more individually oriented.

[@LelaBria]

Lol the impulse to be like NO UR WRONG ALL THOse things MATTER SND LET ME TELL TOU WHY 😂 to cutie enfj chatter guy 😂 -estp Also loving how Joyce even with the baby Se understands how seeing ans taking in live examples of type and types interacting with each other and discussing it is a huge learning angle that would help helllo hiii se users to learn this stuff more. Bring that theory live into action in front of msg fayce ! Lol sorta a screen but you get me. Love it !

[@g4e4rman54]

Now i feel like iam an fe dom (esfp)

[@brucelee4763]

What OP type is Dmitri?

[@JoyceMeng22]

Denzel is officially typed by Dave and Shan as FF Fe-Ni BS/P(C). My guess for Dmitri's OP type is MM Fe-Ne PB/S(C).

[@paulbruce5414]

@@JoyceMeng22 I think you are right about Dmitri. He has tons of Fe immediately present, and he seems very comfortable with his Ne, especially with his humour and his openness to different ideas. He is generally very comfortable with the give-and-take of Play. An argument could be made for BP instead of PB, perhaps, both of which would give him tons of Fe use.

[@milaalaniva775]

@@paulbruce5414 oh yes. So much Fe. Active eyes and nodding. Connection with discussion. So interested in others. Reactions to comments. And then the Ne speed.

[@milaalaniva775]

Now it would be interesting to see a more Fe-Se jumper (Frasier type people and luxury fanatic 😉).

[@paulbruce5414]

@@milaalaniva775 I will never unsee Dr. Crane's type now. Thank you. Brilliant.

[@LelaBria]

So interesting (I think I’m estp) listening to this. So a few things and I don’t want to accidentally offend anybody lol so I’m putting that out there 😂 bear with me Fe Jedis. 1) when y’all were talking about the choosing to be offended (😂 I can imagine fe strong pekple are alreadh going oh lord here we go whst estp 😂) i find it really interesting Bec i personally expeience often a sort of pervasive automatic objectivity at times that alotnof feelers would not. that I think is misunderstood as lack of feelings from some others lol but with the offended thing. So. I have a theory. There’s two sides of the coin. On one is people leaning to feeler side (more comfortable navigating and experiencing emotjonal realms/issues etc) , leaning to (in terms of attschment wound spectrum possibilities) anxious leaning and codependent side (proximity and frequency of attention equals care) , and then the same coin on other side would be jsut the opposite side of all those spectrums so thinkers (more comfortable with the navigating or analysis of things/issues), typically leaning to dismissive avoidant (the tendencies for hyperidnependence or even counterdepependence come with that - boundary respect equals big part of care ). So I find that for some reason even in this idea the feelers have a hold on Emotional expeience ans navigation, for some reason anger specifically is excluded from that. And given to our side of the coin on the thinker side imo. It’s like separated from the rest of the range of emotjons and we actually are more comfortable existing in, navigating and issues related to anger only lol as far as emotions go. And y’all have like a total blindspot and in m’y “humble” (lol estp humour for You) opinion, arojnd what ans why ur hardcore unconscious to or blind to or repressing lol anger a lot 😬 and then form all these interesting narratives around why. I bring this up Bec when cutie (def not ugly 🤪) enfj chatterbox guy here says about drops and oceans , I’m not sure if I misunderstood lol which is totally possible Bec thé places y’all took those analogies after sounded more about a personal purpose and such for like a heal the world vibe but. At first at least , and then Joyce jumped in to discuss neural circuitry and that delay bw feeling ans observing etc like. Idk for me all I hoenstly hesrd was a bunch of feelers trying to justify why they are not in touch emotionally with their anger 😂and imagining it as a good thing or skill that is goals. And while I get for some people that may be true and in some contexts. I think a lot of feelers are really out of touch or like kinda alexithymic (yes we can make up words with no hesitance and too bad lol -estp) when it comes tk their anger. Bec it sounded like ur saying when the drop comes and ur unaware which part of a long large past ocean of repressed anger it actually comes from that one drop, when I view it as if you’re expeiencing anger regularly when it naturally comes up, and taking the time to process its source and ANALYZE lol from when and where ur feelifns came. Ur not going to carry it around and then potentially add anger from this built up pressurized well of vague in terms of context and source now. unconnected anger. Idk if that makes sense to you whst I’m trying to say but. Choosing to be offended to me comes from the same blindspot. A person healthily connected to when they SHOULD feel anger , is not choosing to be or not be offended. They’re justifiably offended lol Bec they feel anger. This other cocnept thst I often experince the other side of the coin thinking isn’t true but I believ to be is , anger is not bad. It’s not wrong. And it’s not harmful. It’s only what you potentially choose to do after with that snger that could or could not be healthy, good or harmless. And being offended is a feeling. We don’t choose them. But we can choose how to respond or what action we take or what we do with that feeling. That is where the separation is supposed to healthily exist imo aeound emotions and anger /being offended is in fact sn emotion. (Lol wan a troll people on m’y side of the coin? - yes I’m aware you don’t want to troll anybody but hear my out lol 😂, tell them they are emotional when they’re clearly angry af. And remind them anger is in fact sn emotion and then just make this face 🌚🌝 Lolol. ) so y’a i actually think if you have healthy boundsires and sense of self you should regularly feel varying levels and types of “anger” so if ur separated from that actually that’s an indication of emotional work that needs doing and healing , not some enlightened niceness that should be goals. Ijs. But hey don’t ask me I’m estp 😂i obviously am biased about anger Lolol. Okay and more

[@LelaBria]

So when y’all are talking about memory it’s crazy Bec it’s coming alive for me the cocnept of perceiving functions. As cutie enfj chatterbox talks about his relationship to Ni with memory lol and his words choices about “what matters” and doesn’t lol or what’s the point or has one or doesn’t etc. And why he rmemebers. I realize holy shit that is exactly me but with sensory. I alsways say that my memory is infused with such rich sensory detail. I literally rmemeber oh last time i turned left here at this intersection oh ya. And can be sort of shot at with sensory memories. Pictures sounds smells etc a lot of things. And it’s how I realized I managed to rmemeber enough to get though school and study and get a degree 😂now I understand what I was doing and why mypeers are like what the fuck r u doing that for. Well fellow science program person, Bec i dont rmemeber what I ate for breakfast yesterday. And I need to memorize for a midterm 😂sooo i better figure it the fuck out 😂and I’m realizing like Joyce maybe a video or exploration of hacks for memory for high Se users would be really useful. I was often doing things like re writing notes and purposely aesthetically grouping things together. Highlighting diff colours and shapes underlining and bubbles and stuff. And would legit rmemeber which category was that in, oh right I rmemeber I wrote it in top left in spiky blue bubble. Which was X. 😂 and having to put new information into. Basically understsnd the large moving metaphorical machine that the information was part of. How it existed relative the machines parts and dynamics. And once I got that I would rmemeber forever. 😂which now I realize is super Se. Mechanistic thinking😂and if I don’t do that I’m like so lost. My peers would be like stop trying to understand so much just memorize it. And I’m like but it’s meaningless if it’s not part of a machine of parts and movements i understsnd 😂 plus kinesthic learning into taking study notes and stuff 😂idk lol anywho i digress. I keep listening now. I love ur Channel Joyce ! And these panels !! I thought I was ISTP or estp but cannot imagine myself extroverted. But when I started watching ur panels and videos like these it was immeidately obvious to me I’m estp 😂esp the female estp video 😂😂😂 and ISTP videos I’m like no i don’t think I’m these people anymore 😂unless they’re just way nerdier examples 😂or something

[@LelaBria]

You should do a video with Se dom women /Te dom women & Fe and Fi dôm men !