Enneagram: Breaking Free From Approval Addiction

[@Chells_Bells]

“I need to have everyone like me, even though I don’t like everyone.” Wow, this video is so spot-on and painful, and exactly what I needed. My whole life I’ve always said things like “I wasn’t mean to her, so why was she mean to me?” Or “I haven’t been anything but nice to her, so why does she hate me?” I’m still not 100% confident on my type, but this is definitely food for thought in considering my type and what message is driving me to feel and behave this way.

[@brittanyroyce6797]

Thank you for this content. I am a four that leans heavily into my three wing. On one hand I want to achieve and people please, but on the other hand I just want to be different and be more my authentic self. I am learning the skill of self acceptance. This was a great reminder of how skewed our thinking and intensions can become when we live our lives with the goal to be liked.

[@JH-yj7kk]

I'm a 5. While there are many 2s in my life who I love and cherish, that unhealthy 2 energy really puts me off. They try too hard to be "nice" to me and it makes me very uncomfortable and feels disingenuous. I don't want or need their flattery, gifts, offers of service, etc, it actually makes me want to run for the hills. This usually only makes them try harder and we get locked in this stalemate of "why don't they like me" on their end and "why can't they just leave me alone" on mine. I still haven't figured out how to successfully navigate this situation when it occurs. A lot of the time it's not even that I don't like them, I just don't WANT anything FROM them, and it's hard to get them to accept that. Still figuring that one out.

[@ANGEL-eh6pd]

I am a 2. And I am very intuitive and Empathic. I'm trying to break free. My Mom has little empathy, and it hurts to see her like that. I live with her too. I have stopped trying to get her approval. God Bless.

[@connordutton674]

Yes so much type 2

[@joycemaranon5462]

Type 3 here, and I cannot express how much I needed to listen to this. I’m involved in different ministries in my church, specifically in the worship department. I cared too much about how others viewed me as a leader, as a friend. I thought by befriending everyone they’d feel known and seen, but it got to a point where I depended on them telling me how I made them feel. I internalized every glance or comment that felt negative and let my thoughts consume me at night to the point where I fatigued myself from stress and anxiety. I planned scenarios in my head that would seemingly fix my image, and I’d do my best to make them come to life. My reputation of being loving and authentic became my worth and my value. I’m learning to remind myself what God speaks over me when I miss the mark, or when I worry about how others see me. He sees me, knows me, and loves me through and through, no matter what stage of life I am in. I am no longer allowing my addiction for approval reign in my life. Thank you, Dr. LaHue once again for this! Ministered right to my spirit today. 🙏

[@jillmappin3316]

Dr Tom! I live in Toronto,Canada and on our local news this morning in a segment about running your business online they used your image. They must approve of you ☺️

[@twlahue]

Wow...crazy.

[@Nylbereth]

Ty for this video Dr Tom! Patreon here. :) I’d say that when all you do is try to please people, even if you avoid all conflicts and you get all the praise, you’re going to crash monumentally eventually, because you need to be true to yourself and your body and soul won’t stand being fake for too long. I have a type 2 friend and coworker who absolutely love to please everybody. I once asked her if she was aware that she ultimately do it for herself (it’s not bad to help people far from it but we do thrive on that energy and we have to make sure boundaries are still standing). She was shocked by my statement. Ahah.

[@sonyagirodon9510]

Brocoli is good for you, even if not everyone likes it. Ha-ha-ha! Sooooo true!

[@ashleyching3166]

This. Is. My. Life.

[@Brian-Daniels]

I really enjoy your content!! I’m in the process of becoming a life and enneagram coach. Your videos and descriptions are spot on. Thank you.

[@w_polaczeniu]

It is so goood. Thank you🙏

[@twlahue]

Glad you like it!

[@JH-yj7kk]

I am a 5w4... I can't say I really struggle with any of what you discussed too much! If anything I think I could try to care more about what other people think sometimes... lol

[@riverkarma3471]

Yes. It can be a compulsion.

[@silentsabbath]

I found your channel recently. I really don't have a lot of interest in the enneagram, but your videos like this one (and the ones on people pleasing, not being responsible for others feelings, saying no, etc.) have been really helpful to me. Thank you!

[@twlahue]

Glad to hear it!

[@patrarus6097]

Thanks, Dr. Tom. This was very informative. I am a 6w7 and sometimes come across as a 2. However, I have no trouble say "no" to others.

[@veronicapatino7184]

I am E4 in one point in my life I took the worth of the E2 and really was sad. I dress like a rug and cry because people stand on me. Always given without limits. Not thinking in me. Trying to obtain love. And guess what? I received more rejection. I received abuse instead.

[@ecarl12]

Good stuff! Thank you.

[@twlahue]

You bet!

[@johndalenino]

Just the advice I need to hear today. Thank you, Dr. Tom!

[@lezlieporter5960]

Ouch! I kept finding myself answering “yes” to your questions. Thank you for asking them. Excellent video.

[@twlahue]

Happy to help!

[@bramblebear3121]

Relatively tall...Dude, you're tall. Love your content, thx.

[@ANGEL-eh6pd]

That is me. God Bless.

[@jeanettejohnson-boynton5532]

QUESTION: so ... what if criticisms evoke ANGER first ... is that just anxiety dressed up??

[@twlahue]

I believe so, yes.

[@jeanettejohnson-boynton5532]

Dr. Tom LaHue sigh .... we twos ... we’re a strange and needy little lot 🤣👍🏻❤️

[@KristenLouiseTarot]

I definitely seek approval. But I can't figure out my number. I am really obsessed with finding out my identity. I have had a long quest for Who I Am and what spiritual tradition is For Me and what the Ultimate Truth is. I do this with the Hogwarts House sorting quizzes, too, lol. Just obsess and ruminate on which number or House defines me and where I would fit, which is strange because I am such an introvert I prefer to be alone. Which types are obsessed with this kind of identity-finding?

[@JazzminJiwa]

Possibly a 4.. like me : )

[@twlahue]

I am happy to help. www.tomlahue.com

[@Oshin_Life]

I will always believe in my twin flame

[@Oshin_Life]

Word

[@patrarus6097]

Oops, I meant "saying."

[@alyssarogge8621]

Oof. Ouch.