Ep. 351 | Funeral for Things

[@TheMinimalistsPodcast]

You have to have a funeral for something in your life TODAY-what is it?

[@micheleharris9617]

TK is a great compliment to the two of you! 👍🙂

[@SFoureman]

"Minimalism is the thing that gets us past the things." It really does. I got rid of EVERYTHING. Packed a bagful of clothes; and, lived in my van for 4-months. Got real quiet; to really hear what is important to me---verses all that has been projected onto me, as other's expectations. Minimalism isn't about living "without things." ...but, my extreme approach gave me a clean slate; freed the weight of historical burdens. I'm no longer my past. I'm living fully present; and, moving only forward in what I can do, in the right now. Now, my "essentials consist only of those things that are functional to my life; or, bring me joy. Anything else is an added distraction to chaos and time wasting. Unload; and, let go!

[@natashyas4149]

I love the dimension TK brings. Thanks for coming on board!

[@t.k.coleman5398]

Thank you, Natashya.

[@ArleneAdkinsZell]

This has been sitting in my in-box for quite a while, I finally listened to it today and it was perfect, today was exactly when I needed to hear it! Thank you so much for never editing out your ramblings, those rambles contain the best nuggets!

[@trailrunmel]

I'm probably 5 minutes into your Podcast on Google Podcast with your new co host TK, I had to jump off Google Podcast and come over to KZbin to comment I am already busting at the seams 😆 this is going to be awesome! What a great collaboration I love his channel as well!

[@t.k.coleman5398]

I appreciate the love, Melanie. We’re going to do our best to have lots of fun over here.

[@dailytheology1689]

You have value and worth because you are made in God's image. Life's purpose is to love and worship God, thanks for your hard work and helpful excellently produced shows. You guys do things very well.

[@tierneycreates]

I think TK is a wonderful addition to the podcast. I’m not particularly religious but I did like his Jesus parable about the two brothers. It meant a lot to me and a personal life situation. However I had to shut the podcast off after that advice to the daughter whose widowed mother is dating someone a year after her father died. As a widow who lost her lifetime partner suddenly having a new relationship under a year is not about no longer grieving your spouse. Unless you’ve been through it and understand you just can’t judge it. I would think the best strategy would be for the daughter to talk to her mother in a respectful manner about how she feels. It would give an opportunity for the mother to explain if she chooses to that it’s not about not grieving her husband/the girls father. It is actually quite common for people who’ve been in long-term marriages to be married again or with a partner within a year or so and it has to do with spending a lifetime in the security marriage in and it’s what you know. Luckily for me I met a widower and together we can enjoy a life together as well as understand each others grief journey. I don’t think it was appropriate when you don’t have this type of background to give advice other than suggesting that the person talk with her mom about it. I appreciate the funeral directors comment in this comment thread that mentions the complexity of grief. The complexity of losing a lifetime partner is beyond losing a parent. I appreciate that you needed to segue discussion back to minimalism and things but I did cringe about the segue from death of a person and funerals versus the death of things in your life and a funeral for things.

[@Sims3Freek123]

Randy Carlson of Intentional Living often says “Expectations minus reality = disappointment “. Sometimes we need to lower our expectations and we’ll have more joy.

[@patdennis2586]

Let’s put the FUN back in FUNeral!!

[@SimplyBeautiful516]

I used to listen to that hilarious British podcast with my daughter. Love the reference!

[@thisvagabondlife7132]

You guys made me a minimalist years ago. All my favorite photographs are in my memory I remember all the important things I let go. That’s where they live in my memory and I’m fine with that.

[@Radsnark-]

Congrats to your platform. You’ve gained a wonderful addition in TK. Great episode. Looking forward to the next one. 🎉

[@sharamorillo9467]

My very favorite episodes are the ones with TK! Thank you guys!

[@sharamorillo9467]

Wait… we get to keep TK for good? 🤩

[@jesusismysource1]

Thank you all... God knows I needed to hear all of this in so many different ways. And thank you TK for using biblical stories it is great reminders for me that I so needed to hear, God is certainly using you where you are....God bless you all

[@garrardmcclendon1]

Thank you for bringing TK in the mix.

[@pinkroses135]

That part about acknowledging people are on different timelines when it comes to moving forward is good. The suffering and little kids state bit too.

[@t.k.coleman5398]

Amen. We all have a different pace.

[@jeremytorgersen]

This is timely, I unfortunately missed a friend's funeral a few months back and felt horrible even though I was able to view it online. Also, having a funeral for things is a helpful way to view a new chapter of life letting go of the remaining stuff as I go through another letting go session of my belongings.

[@t.k.coleman5398]

I didn’t think quickly enough to share it on the podcast before the moment passed, but I had a similar experience too and it felt like I wasn’t there for them when they needed me. It took me awhile to let that go, but it also had the positive effect of making me more proactive about giving people their flowers before they die. Thanks for sharing this. All the best.

[@imbonnie]

At a funeral one should pray for the person's soul in case they are suffering in purgatory. Imagine you just died and are suffering in purgatory wishing people would pray to relieve your suffering. Meanwhile you watch your own funeral as your friends and relatives "celebrate" your life or talk about how certain they are that you're "in a better place." Praying for the dead is a mercy and can shorten their purgatory time. It's too late for them to merit anything so they are completely dependent on our charity to pray for them which can merit a reduced time in purgatory.

[@alethiag285]

Love TK. Great addition!

[@GypsyWolfGina]

Welcome, T.K.!!!

[@t.k.coleman5398]

Thank you, Gypsy. Glad to be part of this.

[@theunscriptedsuccessstory8898]

Welcome TK. Long overdue!

[@PS-bs8oe]

Saw a documentariste about a guy on tv who switched profession from nurse to opening a funeral parlour. He said: " Your funeral is the last gathering (party), you may organize, so you better have a blast at it and get it right." He was very concerned with respecting the directions people had given him or trying to find out more with help from family or friends about the essence of a person & what kind of celebration of his/ her death would be adequate.

[@t.k.coleman5398]

Oh wow. This sounds very interesting. Do you remember the name of it?

[@kolitiokada9825]

Hey Ryan, TK, & Josh! When someone irritates me, I ask myself "Are they irritating me, or am I really irritated at myself for something I did or didn't do?"

[@t.k.coleman5398]

That’s a VERY interesting question. Thanks for sharing.

[@RDOwens]

Not only are funerals for the attendees, so are wedding receptions. I liken it to inaugural balls; you are providing entertainment for your supporters.

[@breec3346]

I need to have a funeral for all of my baby pictures. I even took pictures of my stuffed animals so I can look at them instead of having them clutter my room! I will be keeping those!

[@almostzentv]

Love the Steph/Klay/KD reference for TK! He just better not leave to Cal Newport’s podcast after Ryan tears his ACL snowboarding!

[@t.k.coleman5398]

This made me laugh so hard. I’m now imagining doing a podcast with Cal Newport and Kyrie Irving.

[@PS-bs8oe]

"In order to move on I had to let go of what had served me for a period of time. Deal with all the sentimentality of that situation when you're moving places. I held a funeral for that chapter of my life." Celebrating the past in order to get closure and to move on. "Clinging is going to drag you backwards, not forwards."

[@monicacreates]

The feelings of both Ella and Mike is that of not seeing their parents as just their parents and not persons of their own. That is natural for children and as you as parents helped her with so easily and great. Unfortunately many adault children don´t seems to have enough respect for their parents as teir own persons and that is truely sad. You gave Mike a great advise though.

[@PS-bs8oe]

Euh, the opposite is also true; many parents depend on their children to create their happiness and won't understand and accept that their children have their own independant lives to life and the right to live their own experience. One stays à parent gor life, but children need independency and freesurfing to discover and learn the ropes of life. Because parents are not eternal.

[@monicacreates]

@@PS-bs8oe For sure that is also true and just as bad. Both sides need to respect each other and treat each other as equals, but the subject now was that of how children view their parents, no need to be offended.

[@mojamoja3962]

Good job.

[@sarahlockridge7879]

I recently had this situation with the funeral; I sent a card.

[@xtina1610]

Hey Mike. I respectfully disagree with Josh's answer in this situation. Everyday life, sure. Grief, absolutely not. I'm a funeral director, and grief completly changes you. Of'course you're not okay with this. One year is not very long when it comes to grief. Grief takes several years to process, assuming we are actually doing the Grief work. I would say, you need to talk to your mom about this. Let her know how you feel. It's not likly going to change her. But hopefully she will respect you enough not to push you to spend time with him right now. Odds are, she rushed into this out of fear, grief, avoidance, etc, who knows. Even if she is truly done with her grieving process, you aren't. And she needs to respect that. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It must be adding even more pain to your life right now.

[@PS-bs8oe]

Welcome T.K., really great, hope we are as welcoming as you are nurturing the community. A bit feeblish, because if this means Nicodemus or Millburn will leave, I will have to work over the advice and techniques given in this "how to deal with loss" ;))))

[@ff2154]

I think they will probably do a rotation thing

[@PS-bs8oe]

@@ff2154 😁🥴

[@mojamoja3962]

For starters, let's stick to CO-HOST.

[@t.k.coleman5398]

It’s the most fun when it’s all three of us together. And I’m hoping to do a LOT of episodes with Josh AND Ryan. By the way….for fun… I think I need to make a black tee shirt that says “Not Ryan” on it.

[@PS-bs8oe]

@@t.k.coleman5398 You mean: " not Ryan Air it" !? Typical European joke

[@PS-bs8oe]

Don't give over the power over your emotions to another person ( or abstract event.) Expectations lead to discomfort & dissatisfaction. A woman doesn't enjoy Paris, she enjoys herself in Paris. Your heart can't resist the damage caused by judging and résistant.

[@laneymae]

Tk always has some profound shit i'm not expecting

[@amcgee5222]

I love TK!

[@davlynking]

I can’t decide if I should keep watching/ listening to you guys. I love your origin story, and I’ve been very motivated by a lot of what you share. But it used to come from a humble place, now it doesn’t seem that way anymore. Your ways are “right” and everyone else is “wrong”. While I still get good tips from you, I find myself more annoyed.

[@Nazgull123]

TK bringing in that whole Jesus metaphor was the final straw for me. Ditched this sub from my Spotify playlist.

[@t.k.coleman5398]

@@Nazgull123 I have Christian friends who say the same thing whenever I reference guys like Neil degrasse Tyson and Sam Harris. I get it. It’s genuinely annoying to hear someone quote a book like the Bible when people are accustomed to hearing it quoted with a spirit of self-righteous condemnation. For me, the Jesus parable wasn’t about judging people who don’t go to church. For me, it was just about sharing a good story with a good point about actions speaking louder than words. Although I’m a Christian, I happily share points from atheists too. Nevertheless, I appreciate your position and decision. Thanks for your support thus far. All the best.

[@she-ra0622]

Clutter coffins.. 😂☠⚰

[@bjwilliams]

Hate funerals\ no caskets, already paid for cremation_ a special, only $1,200.==. Told family toss ashes in Pacific Ocean, wine, balloons ,a party__ he would have attended that!! No speeches, sadness, prayers, Bible verses, etc.-\ couple of jokes__ I'm a funny person!!😄🎤🏊‍♀️.

[@lisacarlson997]

Check out the effects of cremation. It's hard on the environment. Consider the option of planting your body in a cocoon to decompose and grow a tree.

[@PS-bs8oe]

@@lisacarlson997 yes, many trees planted in forestcemetary in Germany ( people go for a walk there on Sundays) or the U.K. ( sheep maintain the grounds!)

[@Goalier95]

Once TK started talking about Jesus and Biblical quotes, I stopped listening. As a minimal atheist, this was my signal to check out.

[@t.k.coleman5398]

I hear ya. Most of us (including me) are only accustomed to hearing people quote Jesus as a way of forcing their religion and being judgmental. Had I shared the same parable and attributed it to my Uncle or an old professor, it would have been easier for people to see that the point of the parable doesn’t require the listener to hold religious beliefs. It’s just a simple story about the importance of valuing our actions and not just our words. But…this is where we are. We live in a world where religious people have a hard time listening to something that comes from an atheist and vice versa. I hope that changes.

[@mojamoja3962]

...or maybe you are just an atheist extremist.

[@brg2743]

As a Christian, I like hearing talk about Jesus. Best friend I've ever had.😊

[@dailytheology1689]

You have value and worth because you are made in God's image. Life's purpose is to love and worship God, thanks for your hard work and helpful excellently produced shows. You guys do things very well.