ep42 "How do you deal with feeling discouraged when symptoms of mental illness return..." | AKA

[@nisafinnegan]

*Timestamps:* 02:02 How do you deal with feeling discouraged when symptoms of mental illness return despite doing everything to prevent it? I have been taking medication for depression for over a year and consistently going to therapy, but my symptoms seem to be returning full force... 08:49 Why is it so hard for me to bear my therapist's silence in sessions? Is it part of me wanting to hear her opinion, so I don't have to be confronted with my own thoughts? I always get anxious and... 16:30 Why do I feel so responsible for other people's words/actions? I am often on edge when around others because I feel responsible for their words/actions and if they say or do something offensive or hurtful, I can feel super guilty. I also often feel super responsible for how others feel. If someone is in a bad mood or... 28:58 What is an appropriate gift for my therapist for the holidays? What gifts have you gotten and what gifts have you had to decline? 32:17 I am a frontline healthcare worker and I am so beyond exhausted, I’m not sure how much more I can take. It is so heartbreaking to watch people so sick and dying every shift and it seems nothing is helping. I started having panic attacks at work but I cannot take off my masks for the entire 12 hours except for one short break because it’s too dangerous and the risk is too high. So I try calming techniques but they aren’t helping anymore. I am in therapy and it does help, but every shift is still so brutal. I have PTSD from childhood abuse and the... 41:26 Could you please say some calming therapisty things, in your therapist voice? I often listen to your podcast to calm down and remind myself of my own therapist in between sessions. But recently my anxiety levels are... 43:30 Hi Kati. I feel scared. The therapeutic relationship/emotional closeness is making me terribly afraid. I've known my therapist for years now and I am terrified because all I can think about is "eventually she'll leave. Therapy has to end at some point". This is causing two things... 53:11 How can I wire my brain to do something despite my fears or negative thoughts? I struggle with executing my plans because I am terrified that something might go wrong. I always end up stuck in going through the motions, lose motivation and interest, and go back to square one of... 59:01 Dear Kati: Please accept some socially distanced holiday cheer, and my personal gratitude for all that you do on both of your channels. My question is about the working alliance between my therapist and I: can you please describe how a client can create or fix their alliance with their therapist? My therapist and I were recently on the verge of termination, for administrative and not therapeutic reasons, (e.g., so she could be freed up to see other patients, who are on a waitlist) which has temporarily been lifted. For the next four months, I’ve been tasked with making therapy a safe... 1:03:38 How can I deal with being attracted and falling for older people? I was sexually abused as a little girl, since the age of 6 till I turned 8. I've been in therapy on and off since I was 11. Now that I'm 21, I realized that I tend to fall for people who are much older than me. Right now, I really like a woman who's 15 years older than me. We're both actresses. Lately, I've been getting kind of really close to her, I feel so connected to her and that I can talk with her about stuff I never could with anyone; but I really...

[@mr.glassman5412]

This episode couldn't of come at a more perfect time.

[@liahlow1435]

Dear Kati (Hi Algorhythm) I really like your podcasts. They help a lot and give me so much input. And it is very calming. Thank you

[@askkatianything]

Thanks for being here Liah!

[@사라-x5r]

I love her so much, the things that she says help me a lot. I thought nothing could help me I thought this was a deadend but maybe it’s not after all

[@sarah7773]

Thank you Kati for taking the time to answer my question, your response was so validating and helpful!!! I appreciate you!

[@georgiamae6557]

‘I hear you and I see you’ uhhh that gets me every time. Loved that question and I really needed that, thank you kati

[@MyBoredPhotography]

41:22 Calming therapist-y things (writing this down for myself lol 😂)

[@marrodriguez8859]

Thank you for posting on the holidays too. For many of us is truly the most amazing gift. Hope you are doing fine Kati!

[@withlovehenata2342]

Hi Kati! I didn’t know where to ask this so I’m writing it here, I hope it is okay...So when I was 16 years I went to a party to celebrate the beginning of uni. I got really really drunk and later I learnt that they putted rohypnol on my drink, I don’t remember much, but I remember the pain. They ripped my pants open and assaulted me I remember one of them putting a beer bottle inside me, my body just went numb. I remember turning my head while I was laying on the bed and looking down the window just trying as hard as I could to leave my body, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t scream, I barely could breathe...When they finished I remember looking at myself,my legs, my stomach everything was hurting. After a few hours I was able to get on my feet and walk home...I didn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t! I feel like it was my fault for drinking so much...I was in so much physical and psychological pain, I later went to a doctor because I had so much pain inside me and I found out that I had lacerations on my vagina. The doctor asked me what had happened but I wasn’t able to explain all that happened I just said that I had sex and the guy was a bit rough. I know I should have said something but how could I bring myself to say something like this. Now, I can’t let myself be vulnerable around men... I can’t have sex, I tried! I freaked out so much, the guy was trying to penetrate me and said that I was to “tight” because I was so freakin scared that my body started contracting. Random things triggers me, like the other day I was seating outside my classroom reading my book and all of a sudden I started sweating and crying, I couldn’t stop and I couldn’t say what was happening. I feel like I lost control over my own body I just want to be back to my old self again, but I don’t even remember how I was like! I became so self destructive after all that happened, I started to smoke, I’ve been hurting myself, I take pills for no reason, I masturbate until I’m in pain. I hate myself! I hate what I have become!I hate what they did to me! If you have any advice or anything that might help me, please!

[@Maison_limérence]

Consider going to therapy. I hope you get better

[@l.c.8781]

I recommend you post your question in the community tab and your question might be answered. It's shocking how people can be monsters. I think you should tell your story to someone you can rely on. Maybe a family member or a close friend. Seeing a therapist seems terribly important.

[@nikkimckay860]

This is a very sad and very important question I never like to hear about someone being abused or hurt on some way your question honestly is in very much deep personal detail this was a lot to share and open up and say well done to you for being able to share this hope your question gets noticed and answerd definitely best you see a therapist or psychologist and tell a friend or family member you can trust that will understand you and support you x

[@112musician]

I am also a survivor but my story is very different in circumstances. I am not a therapist and initially thought I probably shouldn’t reply here because I don’t want to say the wrong thing. but I can’t stop thinking about this! So as just a “regular person” (not a lawyer either) I want to say that in my opinion you were violently and criminally violated. I urge you to start the process of speaking to a trusted person in real life about this... a therapist or other mental health professional. I really “get it” not wanting to “admit” to the doctor you saw about the truth of what happened. I get not trusting anyone. Holding this in eventually really takes a toll and by writing here you are saying it’s time to take that leap of faith and get it out there and supercharge your healing. (I don’t say “start” healing, because you have already started!) You can trust again, and healing comes in different stages over time. Would you be ok sharing approximately how long ago this was? Even vaguely, like are we talking a few weeks/months ago or 10 or 20 years ago? What happened to me happened more than 30 years ago so legally the statute of limitations has passed in my state, and I’m still not sure I would have pressed charges. But this is one of the other things a therapist could help you work through, the legal aspect of the incredibly illegal violence that happened to you. It was IN NO WAY your fault, NOT AT ALL. Dissociating like you did was your brain’s way of protecting you. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. I know how the shame feels, and even now I am married to a good, kind man and the “shame cloud” floats through if I discuss it even with him. The bottom line is you are incredibly brave and strong to share your story here, but you REALLY need to get help in processing and healing. Everything you talked about (self-injury, destructive behaviors) are all coping mechanisms that turn our pain back in on ourselves. And those too can spiral into shame and take on a life of their own. Addressing them early is so good and will keep them from becoming a dangerous habitual response. (I totally went that route and it’s awful). I wish I had the power to send a team of helpers to you right this minute to help you through the journey of healing and recovering. You CAN heal. You CAN find peace and joy again. There is HOPE. By writing here your brain is saying it’s ready start taking those steps. I know I don’t know you but I am proud of you for sharing here. I guarantee there are others here who have a very similar experience with yours and you are helping them... you helped ME to remember my own healing experience and how strong I am. I wish you all the best. I am sorry that some human beings could ever do such things to others, and that you went through this. Please try to be gentle with yourself. This is a VERY tough season for those of us recovering. You will be you again, likely an even better version of you. Love and Light and Recovery to you. You are stronger than you know. 💗✨

[@moonbaloon172]

Hey, i am sorry you had to go through that. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you can edit this and put a trigger warning at the front. I would have really appreciated the warning before reading this. All the best to you, i hope you get the help you deserve.

[@charleslaleau7764]

Happy holidays kati morton Merry christmas everyone

[@Sashas-mom]

I’m so thankful for your content Kati. You’ve helped me survive this year. I’ve been using your bridge statements like CRAZY this week. You share so much invaluable content but for me right now, actionable steps like practicing bridge statements are my lifeline.

[@miniharez]

you are amazing as always! your videos have helped me and im sure so many people!

[@nikkimckay860]

Miniharez. I'm nikki and I completely agree with your comment and true kati is amazing and her videos are are helpful yes to many people including me kati s podcast help to calm me because my depression is sometimes to much for me to handle I watch kati to help how I feel so completely agree x

[@LonelyUtahLib]

Kati, I had my intake yesterday because of you and it was wonderful. I've had therapy in the past, but it has never really been a good fit until now. It was really stressful, but after the session I felt happier than I've felt in years. I understand the therapeutic relationship infinitely better now. So thank you for everything you do. You really are changing people's lives for the better and I'm SO grateful. Happy Holidays! 🥰

[@simsalabimdubistweg]

I'm really glad I found your channel! Love the podcasts, they help me alot. Thank you

[@nikkimckay860]

SS. Good comment we all are glad we found Kati s podcast and channel nice to meet you 🖐

[@minervaroman6107]

We are greatful to you Katie. It really helps me get through this covid-19. It helps me to understand myself.

[@laurennickerson6281]

Thanks so much for answering my question, I appreciate all that you do 💕

[@Maya-yt3xn]

About the question on thought stopping, when u said to fact check, with the example of I wasnt home I couldnt have upset her, my mind went straight to- well of cause shes upset, u left her all alone and didnt take good enough care of all the things u do when u are around 😅. Just made me realize how ingrained it can be... (my parents are divorced and have a difficult time accepting they had to share custody)

[@pipersecretp3]

Katie at 52:00 - termination is letting a grown bird fly vs. Kati at 59:59 clinics are doing some bullshit because of waitlists. I needed that affirmation! Merry Christmas.

[@janetslater129]

“Falling Apart”...it makes me think of the Facebook meme of “Even when tacos fall apart, we still love them.”

[@_maia_m]

😂 That's a great picture ❤️

[@danieljgore1]

I hope this isn’t out of line but I have a joy to share: my sister got married in February and the wedding was the best day I’d had since 2017! I was a bridesman and I got to give a toast~ we have a great relationship. Two days ago I learned I’m going to have a nephew by May. Silver linings. Maybe your 2020 feels like 2018 did to me but 2022, hey, who knows? I almost *gave up* (irreversibly) in 2018 and I’m glad I didn’t

[@RyanSmith-qn8wj]

Seeing strides goals reached overtime. Great advice!

[@mjarkk]

I though silence was just a therapist thing to get people to talk, whenever you stop talking in a conversation the other person will almost all of the time start talking.

[@thestatusquoy]

Thanks for the Christmas gift Kati! Happy Holidays everyone! 💖 💖

[@foodie22vancouver32]

what's your take on using medication and weighing the cost and benefit of antidepressant?

[@adeled153]

is this available on apple podcast? :( couldn’t find this

[@gracetanner4132]

Have a wonderful Christmas Kati! ❤️

[@nikkimckay860]

Kati Morton. hello hope you have a nice Christmas and enjoy it best you can love your podcast this week and all the questions theres never a question that you dont share as much information as you can and in deep detail as always you are so calming and I wait for your podcast s every Thursday Christmas wishes to you

[@rebeccas8054]

I may be too late now that Christmas is over, but in addition to Kati's answer to question 4: aren't hand crafted things also appropriate? I once gave my therapist something I had painted (about a topic she'd told me about) when she left. It seemed like she was okay with that and it is something thoughtful which doesn't cost a lot of money, so I can't see why it wouldn't be. Besides, I like it because you're giving something personal

[@melissavonlintel213]

Thank you Kati.

[@askkatianything]

You're welcome Melissa.

[@nikkimckay860]

Hello I just want to take this time to say take care and stay safe we can all get though this Christmas best we can and lastly have a nice Christmas people 😊

[@nourfattouh6547]

Thank you for this

[@tstanley3772]

Hi kati thank you your amazing merry Christmas to you and Sean xx

[@dinlpn45]

My foster mother must be right all the time, even if she wrong I don't remember her apologies for anything in 10 years I have been there, but they are the only family that really raised me right. Basically finished 12 years of school and got my diploma lol. My biological mother probably still drinking.

[@vetz7]

I usually listen to this on Spotify but I wanted to write in a question on the OTDM board. I was way late on my entry I think 😕.. I’ll send it in again if you don’t mind

[@ryana8246]

Merry Christmas kati and sean! 🎄

[@chrisknight5758]

Am i failing myself for returning to a treatment program after 1 month after discharge. Maybe. but im struggling to stay alive. Everyone hang in there you all matter.

[@amydeatherage2714]

you got this. you will make it out the other side ❤️❤️❤️thank you for still being here

[@natalieriddle8737]

Hi Kati! I have a question for your AKA podcast! First off, thank-you so much for all you do. You have given me when I felt hopeless. Anyways, I have been seeing my therapist around 6 years already and my attachment to her has only grown stronger as the years have gone on. Unfortunately it started hindering my sessions with her. The last several sessions were affected negatively by my serious and very strong attachment to her. This is making it extremely hard for her to help me any more. So she is having me find another therapist I like to try to help me more. I am having a terribly hard time with grieving this relationship we have developed and had all these years. Could you possibly talk about grieving a therapist and the relationship when you have no choice but to say goodbye? Thank you!

[@christina-tinarose5660]

Gosh i feel so bad for my children. I have BPD and PTSD, and my ex- their father- is a narcissist. They’ve got both sides 😳😭

[@davidk.7264]

Love ya thanks

[@dennisami]

Looking good here.

[@kaydeebug24]

1. 2:00 Hi Kati, how do you deal with feeling discouraged when symptoms of mental illness return despite doing everything to prevent it? I have been taking medication for depression for over a year and consistently go to therapy, but my symptoms seem to be returning full force and it has left me feeling like I should just stop trying. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated, thanks :) 2. 8:49 Hi Kati! Why is it so hard for me to bear my therapist's silence in sessions? Is it part of me wanting to hear her opinion, so I don't have to be confronted with my own thoughts? I always get anxious and insecure whenever the silence gets too long and I always fear I said something stupid. 3. 16:27 EDIT!!!! Why do I feel so responsible for other people’s words/actions? I am often on edge when around others because I feel responsible for their words/actions and if they say or do something offensive or hurtful, I can feel super guilty. I also often feel super responsible for how others feel. If someone is in a bad mood or they are angry or sad, I constantly think about what I must’ve done to cause it. Even when it's completely illogical for example if I haven’t been around my mum for a few days and I go home and she’s in a mood, I immediately blame myself even though I haven’t even been at home. My therapist noticed this at the end of our last session and asked me to be curious about it this week but I really have no idea why I feel this way. Any insight would be appreciated! Hope you are well, love from Ireland x 4. 28:56 Hey there! :) What is an appropriate gift for my therapist for the holidays? What gifts have you gotten and what gifts have you had to decline? 🎁 5. 32:11 Hi Kati, I am a frontline healthcare worker and I am so beyond exhausted, I’m not sure how much more I can take. It is so heartbreaking to watch people so sick and dying every shift and it seems nothing is helping. I started having panic attacks at work but I cannot take off my masks for the entire 12 hours except for one short break because it’s too dangerous and the risk is too high. So I try calming techniques but they aren’t helping any more. I am in therapy and it does help, but every shift is still so brutal. I have PTSD from childhood abuse and the trapped feeling of this pandemic is making my PTSD symptoms so much worse and it feels like there’s no escape from any of it. So many of my coworkers are sick with Covid and my boss is now intubated on a ventilator. I am surrounding by the virus and it is suffocating. I feel like I’m a drowning, and it is so hard to breathe when you feel like you’re underwater. And I am terrified. Terrified that I will bring the virus home to my kids and family. Terrified that I won’t live to see 2021. I am in my 30’s but so are many of my sick patients. It seems there is no end in sight. Even on my days off I can hardly force myself to get out of bed and I am having nightmares every night. I feel so trapped. Is there anything I can do to help get me through this really difficult time? 6. 41:23 Hey Kati, could you please say some calming therapisty things, in your therapist voice? I often listen to your podcast to calm down and remind myself of my own therapist in between sessions. But recently my anxiety levels are through the roof. And listening to all these problems that others have is triggering the shit out of me. So could you please say some trigger free, calming things? 7. 43:28 Hi Kati. I feel scared. The therapeutic relationship/emotional closeness is making me terribly afraid. I've known my therapist for years now and I am terrified because all I can think about is "eventually she'll leave. Therapy has to end at some point". This is causing two things: 1. I can't let her in. I am terribly guarded and don't want her to get to close. 2. At the same time I constantly self-sabotage and act out in different ways so that she will not leave me or stop caring. This seems like such a vicious cycle and I'm wondering if there's a way out. I know therapy is there to help me get better, but therapy seems to be a major trigger. My therapist says I have an "attachment trauma". What does that mean? Is that the reason for all of this anxiety and frantic abandonment fears? I want her to care about me. But I am just too scared she'll leave me. Hope this makes some kind of sense. 8. 59:01 How can I wire my brain to do something despite my fears or negative thoughts? I struggle with executing my plans because I am terrified that something might go wrong. I always end up stuck in going through the motions, lose motivation and interest, and go back to square one of trying to get myself motivated to do or want something again. What can I do to give myself that big push and feel okay with the risks? 9. 1:03:31 Dear Kati: Please accept some socially distanced holiday cheer, and my personal gratitude for all that you do on both of your channels. My question is about the working alliance between my therapist and I: can you please describe how a client can create or fix their alliance with their therapist? My therapist and I were recently on the verge of termination, for administrative and not therapeutic reasons, (e.g., so she could be freed up to see other patients, who are on a waitlist) which has temporarily been lifted. For the next four months, I’ve been tasked with making therapy a safe space and proving that I can trust my therapist (again, and more) to continue therapy. I’m having a hard time making a plan to do so, even though I agree with the goal, in part because of how close to the verge of unjustified closure (or administrative abandonment) we were. Is there any advice you can give me on ways that therapists build safety and trust? I’m hoping I can pilfer a few useful ones. Sending love from the Big Apple!

[@SusieQ78]

Lol, you are correct..."I'm curious" and "journal it out" is NOT calming!! ;-) BUT it is therapeutic 😄

[@maddiek3352]

Kari I really wish you had clarified that bpd parents can still be great. You kinds made us sound like abusers

[@seafarer_]

53:11