"How do you handle parents with mental illness?"

This week Kati dives deep into how to come to terms with not having any memory of a childhood trauma. She explains why this can happen, and what we can do to heal anyways. She also offers some ideas on how to deal with a parent who has a mental illness, what to do if we can’t actually talk in therapy, and how to stop thinking we are a burden to those around us. She then talks about the stigma associated with mental illness and sexual kinks as well as how to stop feeling like we are behind in life because of our illnesses. This and so much more in this week’s episode!
Ask Kati Anything ep. 176 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
Audience questions:
1. How do I come to terms with never actually knowing if I was sexually abused? I seem to have all the signs (extremely scared of sex, body memories, don’t like being touched, hypervigilance, etc) but I have no solid memory of an actual incident.
2. How do you handle parents with mental illness? I struggle a lot with my mom being so emotional and irrational. Her mood swings like a rollercoaster and it is really uncomfortable being around her. She has so many bpd traits although being undiagnosed. 39:37
3. I am 16. Is it bad that in therapy, I can't talk about anything? I have to write it down and hand it to him? Also my mom wants to talk to me about things but I can't because she shares it with my dad... 45:20
4. I know suicide is never the answer, but what if I genuinely am a burden and would be doing everyone a favor? 49:13
5. How would someone best deal with mental health problems brought on from kink shaming / fetish stigma? Shaming or ridiculing someone for their kinks is unfortunately common and socially accepted, but there's no information on how it can negatively affect someone's mental health, and if so how someone would deal with this. 56:07
6. How do I cope with the feeling of falling behind others because of my illnesses? Trauma, Ptsd and physical pain illnesses have been taken so much from me, especially... 1:06:15
7. I was just curious about how your role as a therapist relates to your family. Does your husband or do other family members ever say or do things that are red flags to you as a therapist? 1:13:10
Timestamps created by: MrEpsilonZero
#podcast #psychology #katimorton
Journaling
Every Tuesday & Friday Kati posts a journal prompt to help keep you motivated and working on yourself www.youtube.co...
Kati's Books (in stores now)
Traumatized geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? bit.ly/2s0mULy
Amazon Suggestions
www.amazon.com...
Online Therapy
I do not currently offer online therapy. My sponsor BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online counselor, please visit: betterhelp.com...
Patreon
Do you want to help me support the creation of mental health videos? www.katimorton...
Business Contact
Linnea Toney [e-mail]
Mail
1779 Wells Branch Pkwy #110B
Box #353 Austin, TX 78728
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room

[@Lemonady]

Timestamps! Q1 - 1:04 Q2 - 39:32 Q3 - 45:20 Q4 - 49:12 Q5 - 56:05 Q6 - 1:06:14 Q7 - 1:13:07

[@sugarandspice2136]

I was sexually abused and was withdrawn and wetting the bed a lot as a kid and my family shamed me all the time. They knew about the abuse and never got me help. Plus my mom was a corporal punisher in the house.

[@kj-sf4md]

How do i handle primary care with mental illness? I have CPTSD, ,a mix of abuse / neglect, and had a lot of childhood medical issues. My T, says to fibd a foc that understands trauma. The truth is, many Therapist don't understand trauma, medical providers get even less. Its amazing, hiw aggressively medical providers treat a person, even knowing the patient has ptsd issues.

[@mistypfitzer111]

Can you please start putting timestamps for each question? It's SUCH a pain trying to skip to the specific ones I'm interested in hearing 😅 id be very appreciative! 🥰

[@suzer77539]

I also loved when she used to list that!

[@suzer77539]

​@@MrEpsilonZerothank you! It's so helpful to have that!!

[@TheOrignalTRockz]

My father and I can remember things when we were babies and couldn’t speak or walk. We both proofed this to our family, I can describe the old flat, each cupboard and detail, can tell stories that occurred during that time they had forgotten about, even tell the colors of walls, details, ect. It is NOT true or “science” that babies can’t do that.

[@sophiachenault05]

Quickly become one of my favorite podcasts

[@missygee-c9g]

Kati, you've set the bar sooo high for other therapists. I hope to find someone as good a specialist as you are to work with.

[@pendafen7405]

It's amazing how insightful and encouraging she is, and how much content she's offering gratis. In the past I've had several qualified therapists who I paid well that were mediocre or even terrible by comparison with her.

[@kaylag231]

Kati, I just wanted to let you know that you’re such an amazing special human being and we are so grateful to have you in our lives. Your patience and dedication to helping people heal is truly incredible. 💕💕

[@suzer77539]

💯

[@suzer77539]

Oh my word!!! I so needed Question #6 ... I'm 55 and feel that I've wasted my life bc I didn't know or deal with numerous sexual traumas ... I think that is why I chose a bad mate and have been divorced for over 25 years. I want a healthy relationship, but I'm so held back from fear. I'm afraid that now it's too late to have the life I dreamt of before all the abuse started. 😢 I'm gonna continue with EMDR, but my life has passed me by. Thank you for giving me hope. I really appreciate you. ❤

[@ab70434]

I’m not sure what your dream life is , but it’s def not too late . It may need realistic updating . I’ve def had to adjust my dream after years of being a shut in in my case .

[@suzer77539]

@@ab70434 I'm going to try to starting imagining that I can have a new dream... Thank you.

[@thatdutchguy89]

Your outfit looks 🔥🔥 great podcast thanks 😁always learning a lot about mental health.

[@katiunddu]

Thank you, Kati. I also struggle with accepting the possibility of trauma. I am not sure, if there was SA because of my symptoms. Also there were many other experiences where I shut down in therapy.

[@rkx5408]

Thank u for your feedback. Highly appreciated. I mostly feel stupid cause i am 44 right and should b able to talk a little better than i have been. Slowly getting through it though. Thanks again.

[@Jennifer-us9oz]

Question 6 helped so much, so thank you to the person who asked and thank you Kati for your response. I didn't realise how much I needed to hear it. Will save and relisten

[@melissarey2973]

In my opinion, HALT is missing a vulnerability: physical pain/in pain. I think of it as PHALT (pain, hungry, angry, lonely, tired) or HALTI (hungry, angry, lonely, tired, in pain). I think I like HALTI better.

[@twinkletoes800]

What an incredible podcast 😢 Katie THANK YOU. You touched many deep issues with such kindness and gentleness. I've been in therapy a long time yet this podcast brought up things I need to process and I appreciate that and can feel more healing happening.

[@msxeunybunxy]

I liked question number 6 the most. Thank you for the reminder.

[@justathot5173]

You are amazing, Kati. You clearly explain with knowledgeable insight and empathy. I know that You know this shit! Thank the goddess that psychology/therapy has made advances. Very well done!

[@corithefrugalflower]

Wow, this episode has given me alot to reflect on in my own life! 🤔 Thanks Kati for all you do 👌👏Sending ❤ from Ontario 🇨🇦 😊

[@njjen3953]

I watch this series every week and always learn something from it. I really look forward to it. Today was the exception and I do not totally understand why. I had lunch before I watched and had a hard time. I purged for the first time in 6 weeks. I was in pain from eating and I had to make myself throw up. Then, when I was watching, I got really triggered by all the abuse issues and found myself crying so hard, I had to turn it off. I still cannot grasp what happened. I never react this way anymore. I am sad that I could not watch the entire video.

[@janetslater129]

I feel this. A lot of her comments have made really think about how I handle my mental illness (major depression and PTSD), and I think it's normal to have stuff get stirred up. If you're in therapy, all I can say is to talk about it. It's not going to make sense, and that's okay. Therapy can help with that. I also find that journaling what I'm feeling helps me sort things out, or, since I really like to do art, even draw it out (even if it's dark because it's validating). Give yourself some grace (I know, easier said than done) and some space breathe and soothe your system. The great thing about the internet is that you can go back to back to this episiode when you're ready to do it (just mark it as something to watch later).

[@njjen3953]

@@janetslater129 Thank you.

[@michelekriewall5423]

I've heard/read that our brains don't maintain memories accurately. I have a few memories from when I was very young...one or two yrs. old. One of them is when my mother yelled at me. I was not more than a year old. It scared me and I fell down a flight of stairs just outside the room she was in. The only body memory I have is the shocking feeling of being slapped across the face.

[@ajc4314]

Compliments don't come naturally so when they come to me I try to share them. I LOVE that shirt (?) On you. It looks great!

[@jessicaabbott10]

Wow. I really struggle with all the questions on this one! I’m so grateful for your podcast.

[@angko-pe]

Thanks for answering my add-on question again!

[@Ahmed_Phenomenal_Ali]

Thank you Kati Ma'am for everything.❤❤❤

[@SpreadKindness7]

I hesitates to even comment. I’d like to know why I seem to only have trauma memories from 4-6th grade and not much else. No good. No bad. I’m in my 30s now. My fight or flight is through the roof. I relate to some of the comments of feel like I’m lying how my emotions and/or what happened. Although it wasn’t physical to me but narcissistic abuse; emotional, alcoholic parent, and witnessing physical abuse to a parent. Most days I just feel like I’m here, no emotions, I’m just okay. Is that normal?

[@HomeFrendsten]

There should b lot of awareness about it

[@jaynep367]

What do you do if your mother says child abuse was your fault , age 7 , 9, 13 🦋

[@allisontork]

Interesting my comments aren’t posted

[@Gwenx]

I am SO sorry for the kink shaming.. I feel like the Foot Fetish thing has been SO much up and used in a rude way, and i hate when it happens.. In my own life i never kink shame even in jokes, and i try to educate others not to either, for me the secret is not to correct their un-tasteful joke, but rather wait till another point where i sneakily imply that kinks in bed are great even the ones we cant relate to. Personally everyone thinks i am a kinky lil shit, but in reality i have sexual trauma and penetration is not even an option. I love the idea of kinks, but i don't feel safe in them. I joke a lot and imply that i love kinks, because i do, but they stay out of the bedroom for me, though many of my friends are way more open about kinks and what they would like to try now then they where before so, yeah, some people will judge, and you never have to tell anyone what you enjoy doing! But sprinkle a little sass in there and people can be surprisingly open to it :)

[@AmandaMG6]

I have preverbal trauma and the offending parent has passed. What to do?

[@michelekriewall5423]

I've had therapists lead me into imagining types of abuse with the intention of trying to remember sexual abuse - but it didn't work

[@NataliaBlaker]

Q2 39:33

[@mozhdehbesharatifar1999]

I love you, kitty, ❤

[@HomeFrendsten]

Mental ilness passes from one person to another if not recognised and treated , young children are also at risk

[@Bennyjet77]

As usual you do an amazing job--but a bit disappointed because I was interested in how to handle parents with a mental illness--as the title indicates you were going to do. Please consider another video that covers this

[@janetslater129]

She talks about it as her second question.

[@Bennyjet77]

thanks...I listened to the first one-had to walk away for a few minutes and came back to later questions like the first one...my bad. @@janetslater129

[@katiegreenwood8738]

Question 2 is 39 minutes in. 💕

[@aleciabernardoni1255]

Medical trauma is a form of trauma

[@abby4027]

ABSOLUTELY! The first question really resonated with me.

[@suzer77539]

I never even considered this until Question #1 !!! I've had 16 surgeries... some very painful, etc. 🤔 very interesting!

[@ilovepickle]

THANK YOU! 😭♥️

[@katherinemnusa]

Trauma is Trauma 💯

[@stefaniamirri1112]

I would have loved to see this video 20 years ago. Now is too late for me, everyone and all is lost.

[@aspidoscelis]

@28:45 - Not my experience. Without emotional expression, people don't think it's real, including therapists. Of course, emotional expression doesn't necessarily mean crying, but if you look calm and have a flat affect, people don't believe it.

[@aspidoscelis]

I think this is a pretty common experience for autistic people... maybe communicating emotion without emotional expression goes better for neurotypicals?

[@allisontork]

Katy you sound like you have lived experience. A lot. Great info re boundaries Re mentally challenged parents. There has been no mention of cross transference from dysregulated parents to their kids. Unconscious patterns are also inherited… hence teens, young adults, adult adults also send their own boomerangs in their parents direction. Compassion needs both sides of the street. The model that parents are wrong and we are right…is the beginning…. As awareness grows it is imperative and merciful to once we have self compassion to extend this to parents at least within oneself. Check himself… comment builds a wall… not a bridge….. clearly you are adult. Do you have children that you raise, step parent… curious.

[@NataliaBlaker]

Q3 45:22

[@pendafen7405]

If anyone's got tips about handling living with a narcissistic grandmother or borderline father, let me know😅

[@NataliaBlaker]

Q4 49:13

[@rufustfirefly7389]

as someone who was abused 24/7 by a schizophrenic mother, my only advice is LEAVE

[@edithguzman7277]

Glad you changed up the intro. It was sounding too much like Colleen Ballinger's Vlogs intro and that's not a good thing.😂

[@tamiwigginton7137]

❤❤❤❤