ep.48 How can I feel safe in my own skin again? | Ask Kati Anything

[@ray.deathray]

4:31 What is a crisis? 14:11 Rating anxiety 1-10 20:52 Hypervigilance 26:05 Therapist attachment? 31:30 Emotional numbness 38:16 Physical abuse? 44:15 Rules for minors and sexual assault 48:51 Qualifications for trauma 56:34 Asking for help 59:56 Falling apart after getting better

[@toni2309]

Your cardigan looks so cosy!

[@gabbyyak2080]

I'm a teacher and have started to use the feelings wheels with my students who struggle with behavior. (I found some simpler ones for little kids.) It has helped them immensely to be able to figure out how to express themselves and cut down on poor behavior in the classroom dramatically. Thank you for always using this idea! I got it from you! ♡

[@elabits514]

I would have loved this in school! Heck I think I'm going to put one in my home

[@piyusha1912]

where's the person who makes the timestamps ?? 😅😅😅

[@AznDudeIsOn]

SAME

[@SirCatsoverhumans]

Wow there's somehow still no one! Lol but hey, timestamps or not, I'm grateful for this episode 👍

[@lindsayroney3717]

Thank you ❤

[@marygracestein4965]

Cannot agree more with the first comment/shoutout you read! Thank you all for everything you do, especially over the last year ❤

[@heidib5482]

Thank you Kati for doing these! So from years of stuffing my emotions and not dealing with my PTSD, I have hyper vigilance and constantly exist in crisis mode. Tomorrow I begin my therapy intake, and have such anxiety about actually going through with it.

[@Blessedup69]

This episode really calmed me down. Thank you Katie!

[@SomeoneLikeYou186]

I find your voice so soothing! I listen to these when I’m feeling down and it’s comforting 🥰

[@NovemberMe5213]

Hi Kati, the prompt to ask questions for this week was posted 9am Wednesday here in Australia, East coast. Usally the prompt comes through around 4am Tuesday and we have to wait til Friday to see you, but it's a really good way to end the week and I so look forward to your videos. You are a gift

[@lozza0810]

When you were reading the first statement/question I was almost in tears, just in agreement with what was said. So so thankful to you Kati and to all of the kinions!

[@kat1984]

I have a bank vault of trauma boxes. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and the two new medications have been making me process trauma. Yesterday, one of the most traumatic sexual assaults came back full force where I remembered everything. I'd grown up with them and had to continue going to school with them for another year of high school. I didn't tell anyone it had happened for fear of being blamed because I was intoxicated. I stuffed it down into a trauma box and visualized locking it in a lockbox followed by a safe followed by a bank vault with chains and more locks. It's where I stuffed all of the trauma that comes from having a bipolar and alcoholic father. That vault has more trauma boxes than I know what to do with. Before, I'd have one traumatic incident push through once ever 6-12 months. Now, it seems like I'm barely getting one week in between. The two new medications are helping level me out as I've been having mixed bipolar symptons. I'm not sure why the medications for my bipolar disorder are making my traumatic memories pop out of the boxes instead of my conscious self visualizing unlocking each set of locks in order to open one box.

[@marrodriguez8859]

As always, thank you for this. Invaluable 💗

[@CalibanTaylor]

I just want to say thank you for answering my question. I know you know everything you said was spot on, but it really was. I almost didn’t post it, but when I saw that the Community post had been made just a few minutes prior I panicked and pasted it. I did make a “passive” attempt a few days ago; it might have been ruled an accidental death, one of those, “I’m going to cross the street without looking,” types of things. To hear someone just talk about what leads to that is so comforting. I would be crying right now if I wasn’t in the throes of a relapse. You are like this giant, intangible teddy bear. My therapist told me I deserve to be comforted and know the soft things, but I didn’t realize I could find that kind of comfort, safely, from a random KZbinr. It’s not just having my question answered, however. It’s knowing that there are so many who have the same question and seeing it answered for them. It’s knowing that you plan to make a video to help those who might not know about this channel and this podcast. It’s knowing that you have the clout and knowledge to make it pop up in search engines so people can find those answers before they’re sitting in a car at a rest stop, just waiting for something to happen, or not. Hearing someone else say that I need more help is motivating, but it doesn’t stop the terror. The terror of the judgement at the hospital. The terror at the thought of losing my job. The terror at possibly becoming yet another mentally ill homeless man in California... Like the first commenter said, thank you. You’ve done so much for the world. The fact you keep going despite (or in spite of) the detractors is inspiring. It shows a strength beyond what even the best therapists generally possess. It shows an admirable compassion that would bring some funeral directors to their knees. I have a session tomorrow evening with my therapist. My first in two weeks. I just recently moved here from Texas, so I’m going to ask her how to find resources. I understand I should be in the hospital, but that isn’t feasible right now, I don’t think. I do have one more question that is never addressed in a professional way, but it may be too triggering to post it openly. It’s something that warrants an answer outside of, “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Not all of our problems are temporary. I’d argue that, for those of us who have reached a point where we see that sentence, our problems aren’t temporary. Mine aren’t. They are a gift that I can’t return; the gift that can’t (and shouldn’t!) be regifted. When the pain is concrete and never ending, why fight for survival? Why seek help when the memories of trauma won’t go away? Why seek help when my life has been stolen by the anxiety, depression, and hyper vigilance brought on by repeated assaults? Whether we were abused as children, spent years in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, we’re impregnated by date rape, or any of the other millions of traumatic experiences that could happen, those memories, and the way they infinitely impact our lives, never goes away. Even the time and/or money we spend on treatment is part and parcel of the blowback of these events. That’s time and/or money spent on things other than what it COULD HAVE been spent on. So what is the point? Cancer patients are, in many parts of the world, to make the choice of whether they will undergo the debilitating treatments to help assuage their bodies of the disease that will kill them, or to die a dignified death free of the side effects of a treatment that can be just as deadly as the disease. For what reason should we, those for whom the the cancer is not physical, suffer through these treatments? Years of painfully remembering our torture in an effort to “get better” is an entirely new form of torture. Even the thought of it can be it’s own torture, like hearing the executioner sharpen his axe. Why is it wrong for me, or anyone else, to exercise our “existential freedom” and escape this burning train car? I know there are many who have this same question. Perhaps Albert Camus was right and suicide is, in fact, the only true problem in philosophy. My self harm support group always comes together to talk each other off the ledge, despite standing precariously upon it ourselves. But why? Why is the only acceptable way to vacate that ledge to go back inside? I’m including a link to two poems I’ve found helpful in the past few weeks of my struggle. I include them, not as a resource, but to flag the comment because, despite wanting it answered and feeling it fully deserves to be, I feel it might be considered far too triggering. It’s a question that, when asked, can brighten the day of a suicidal person and make them feel less alone, but drive someone else into the deepest depths of sorrow. m.kzbin.info/www/bejne/rHPZn6h9frKFpdU m.kzbin.info/www/bejne/oIncdaetqbOGbdU

[@SusieQ78]

Thanks Kati for yet another great set of answers to a great set of questions and for taking the time to create these videos :)

[@alisonprendiville5484]

The title of this video is screaming out to me 😍

[@NiinaSKlove]

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼- And yes, you help people in so many ways, and also me - you are a true gem 💎❣️

[@LifeDisc]

Your voice is miracle.thanks a lot

[@annarostagno8599]

Hi Kati! Are you planning something special for episode 52 to celebrate 1 year of podcast? It's such a great achievement

[@eloisemarie5219]

Answers to that first observation was so good. I needed all these particular definitions. So perfect. The feelings chart exercise was really good. I've been missing my therapist so it's good to listen to your answers.

[@brendak4291]

Really good episode!!! Thanks for helping us.

[@thestatusquoy]

Thank you in regards to the time zone stuff 🥰🥰 I know it's a pain for you and we truly appreciate it 💖 💖 💖 💖 And such a good ep this week! The questions I didn't know I had!

[@toni2309]

For me personally, I usually feel much more like I am in a crisis and in need of care when my executive functioning gets so bad I struggle to care for myself, get myself fed and hydrated and go to a doctor, because I get scared that I'll just end up starving myself. This doesn't mean that I'm suicidal, I'm just really really tired, and I am likely unable to speak in these times. I once went to a psych ward in a state like that, and they told me that I'm at the wrong place if I'm searching for food. On the other hand when my mood gets really bad and my thoughts get really negative, and I'm thinking about harming myself, I tend to need rest above all and just calm my emotions and can't actually deal with mental health professionals because they overwhelm me. I don't really seem to fit into the system and it makes me sad.

[@danieljgore1]

That’s frustrating. Until the right professional came along (who understood what was really wrong) I found it hard to turn the corner. I hope a moment of insight comes and you have a ‘clicking-in’ moment where it makes more sense

[@markjabbour5154]

Hi Kati, was watching this and - I do a mood checkin every morning using a scale From 0 - 10. But my baseline is 5. Above 5 is positive, below less than. I function best from 4 -6. Below 3 (uncommon) is the danger zone. But so is above 7. That's where my expectations become too high. Also, I do a 0 - 10 pain checkin, physical. Zero being no pain, 10 unbearable (i.e. suicidal). You are "comfort food". Best wishes, mark

[@poisonivy745]

Thank you for the videos!

[@tanhuang_nua]

Just the intro made my day so much better ❤

[@DanilaPit]

Thank you Kati! I feel calm and peaceful when I'm listening to your podcast. And of cource I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and experience with us. I wish all the best to you and to your loved ones. Your content helps me a lot.

[@DanilaPit]

Lol I swear I wrote it before I heard the first comment of the video. That's great to know that so many of us all over the world share similar feeligs towards you and your content. ) P.S. Questions from people are also of a great value!

[@DeathAngleZoe]

I keep having extremely awful nightmares/sleep paralysis/panic attacks after walking in on my sister's suicide attempt 2 months ago. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm seeing a therapist but it's still not helping. It's becoming unbearable. What can I do?

[@CalibanTaylor]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[@danieljgore1]

That’s very tough- you’re on the right track it’s just such a long road :-( Wishing good things for you.

[@baneblade4202]

Are you taking any medication to help with your symptoms? I know some people don't like medication, but going to a doctor or psychiatrist and getting on a medication to help with the panic could help you "stay afloat" while doing therapy. I don't like the idea of being dependent on medications to just be okay, but if I never got on ssri's and something to help with my anxiety I don't know how I would have been able to get out of bed or go to work. I really hope you can get the support you need. What you're going through is so hard but you are doing the right things.

[@mammamonssterr]

You should talk to a psychiatrist and start thinking about taking medication, just to be able to keep going and "surviving" this stage of grieve. If you don't want to take medication for a long time you don't have to, you can do it just to get by till you feel a little better. If nothing is helping I would consider this. I'm sorry you are going through this 😞 please hang in there!!! Sending you lots of love 💕

[@mimibelta259]

Hi Kati can you discus completed grief and how the pandemic may cause that in same cases right now .I was wondering because my family just had my stepsister funeral the other day and some we had to wait a whole month to have it to know if the grief is now considered completed grief because of how long it took to have the funeral because my stepsister actually passed away last December do to car accident?

[@Becca-lh7mr]

Follow up to the question about what is considered physical abuse: what if the intention wasn't necessarily to harm or cause fear, but the person wasn't aware of what they were doing at the time? Also, if it didn't leave any visible marks? For example, someone starting to suffocate you but not remembering it later? Also, does the frequency matter?

[@aliceg2890]

Hey kati, thank you so much for such a great video. You’re amazing. I have a quick question, I think I have dermatillomania is this related to OCD? sorry for the bad spelling! 💜

[@melissahatfield2475]

Yasss Kati you’re the best! Have an amazing day

[@Progressivelyyou]

My first time here... this was so eye opening and helpful... made me tear up a few times. 😱

[@emilyjane6252]

This podcast means a lot!!! Your so fantastic!! :)

[@rinciel4999]

31:29 5. Hi Kati, Does long term emotional numbness ever fully go away? I am 24 years old and I have been pushing down all my feelings and emotions since I was 11 years old, for multiple reasons. I am completely numb

[@audreyw9784]

Me yelling at the screen during question 8: It's a core memory!!!

[@stoffls]

I totally agree with the top comment, you are so helpful to us and at the same time I am glad we can brighten your days in the livestreams etc. And as always, great questions.

[@diablominero]

Saying that 10/10 anxiety is exactly equivalent to a panic attack seems to lack a bit of nuance. The time I can clearly remember having a panic attack, I felt my heart suddenly pounding and thought to myself "this is probably what it feels like if someone injects you with synthetic adrenaline." That was the moment when I dissociated too much to really feel the emotional weight of what was happening, and only felt the physical symptoms from a distance. Feeling like you can't get any value from breathing is really uncomfortable, but I was certain I was going to survive (worst case, I fall unconscious, and I was reciting a poem in front of a room full of people and pretty near a hospital). I've felt a lot more emotional weight of anxiety when I didn't have enough adrenaline in by bloodstream to kick my soul out of my body.

[@meninpursuitofpurpose3331]

Love your work Kati

[@nikkimckay860]

Late watching this weeks Thursday podcast. Very good questions this week its 9.59pm uk and I'm calm and relaxed while laying down listening to the question s. And kati s helpful advice to each person question honestly been waiting for this new podcast. My week has just been a struggle with my depression and my emotions and moods. Hope everyone s coping best they can with there Mental health take care all ❤

[@katie5972]

hi kati! i really desperately need to see a psychologist, and i know that i definitely do have some sort of mental illness(es). however, i’m a minor and i can’t get over the hurdle of telling my parents i need to seek help. i feel like there’s an undercurrent of embarrassment, and i really don’t know how to ask because i always put up a facade around them. how can i get over this and get the help i need?

[@melissarey2973]

My own perspective on spanking, probably because of how different my parents were. The female parent didn't spank, she beat on us. Hit us in the face, head, body. Threw things at us. Threw us. Yanked hair, arms, legs. Was completely out of control and there was no way of knowing the end. My dad was in control of himself. There was a conversation of why the spanking was going to happen, then a spanking on the butt with a paddle. We could count, we expected the end because of the conversation. I agree both are abuse, but I appreciate that my dad approached it the way he did. She only did it when my dad wasn't home and manipulated is into thinking he would condone it if we told him. She knew what she was doing wasn't okay.

[@lindas.9647]

Thank you ❤️😘

[@askkatianything]

You’re welcome 😊

[@daydrmrofficial1966]

We live for floofy cardigan sleeves :)

[@NiinaSKlove]

Love the cardigan 👍🏼🤓🤓🤓🤓

[@corsofrenchie]

Hi. What mic is that? Love the sound quality

[@ray.deathray]

It's an Electro Voice RE20. Great mic, though pricey.

[@keelyschemmer]

Soooo about the abuse question...I not only experienced abuse but seeing my mom get physically abused is a trauma as well?

[@keelyschemmer]

I have five siblings and we didn’t usually experience the abuse together (the rest of us would be sent to our room -yes, singular- while one would be beat). I, however, saw my mom being thrown, things being thrown at her, and getting beat (as the rest of us were). I never really thought it was abuse, though, because I was always told it was a normal family experience. Because of that, I never processed that trauma...so thank you, honestly, for helping me see another aspect of myself that can be healed 🖤 much love

[@Lily083]

@@keelyschemmer yea that would be abuse if you saw your mum getting abused. I have 6 siblings also and have seen my mum be abused as well

[@lillianwiley1822]

Just wanted to put this out there for anyone to see. I asked question number 6 but I am not a parent, I’m only 15. 😅 I think I might have made it sound like I was an abuser but that’s definitely not what I meant! I asked because I wanted to know if what I had experienced when I was little was abuse cause I wasn't sure. I probably should have worded it like that, using my specific situation, but it's sometimes hard to put yourself and words like abuse in the same sentence, especially for other people to read.

[@danieljgore1]

I think you’re good, honestly. As you get older and your friends start having kids you’ll run into this issue; it probably helps to figure out how you feel about it

[@Michelle-sw9uj]

Don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure the Bible tells people to scold their children. That book was written a while ago, many people don't believe in any of its contents anymore.

[@Michelle-sw9uj]

Also, it depends on how badly you were beaten. Did you have bruises, scars and broken bones? Were you actually misbehaving or did your parents just enjoy hurting you? I'd much rather be hit on the bum once than receive discussions about my behavior years later.

[@danieljgore1]

Here’s a story about how my friend disciplined his daughter. It’s exemplary of how to be in-control without being physical: The girls’ mother made a delicious supper (I lived with them at the time). One twin refused it; she demanded macaroni and cheese. An indulgent parent might have caved; an impatient parent might have spanked. Cold as ice, her father says, “you can eat what’s on your plate or not eat; if you don’t eat, you can’t have candy or play Nintendo.” The terms were set. When we finished eating they moved her plate to the refrigerator. “You can still eat but you’re not having any candy.” She didn’t relent. Meanwhile, her sister is carefully playing the game- eating dinner, being polite. Her moment was coming. At long last, she asked to pick something from her Halloween stash... a massive bag of peanut m&ms! She goes straight to the console and turns it on. Their dad unplugs the second controller and puts it in his pocket. Twin 1 starts to plead but the time for negotiations is long past; imagine watching someone who is *almost your clone* having a great time, smirking at you! She breaks down crying. “You would feel better if you ate; if you’re not ready to eat what’s on your plate then go to your room.” She did. That was the last anything was said about it. There were no more protests. My friend later commented that it was a crappy night but it was necessary. She had her breakfast and recovered but I doubt she’ll ever forget watching her sister scarf down m&ms and play old school Nintendo- sister was on cloud nine, getting something all to herself! Roflmao

[@explained7966]

@@Michelle-sw9uj the Bible also says to stone adulterers. Let's take things with a grain of salt.

[@camilleskovell1884]

Has anyone else not getting/seeing the Monday AKA prompts in the community tab? Been going on a couple weeks..

[@scenepunk09]

Same for me too! I think maybe she posted for this AKA on tuesday though. I'm not sure..I thought she might have been taking a break since she did the live one monday.

[@nikkimckay860]

Kati Morton. 🖐Hello I like your cardigan looks nice on you and very cosy

[@danieljgore1]

My old-pains mantra has become “am I still carrying that? I don’t need to.” Also, when I do that I often bump into things I felt awkward about that weren’t necessarily bad- I just never knew if others were thinking less of me or not. TOTALLY drop those thoughts if you can!

[@ashley-8612]

Edit: Just started watching and I second that comment ❤️ I didn’t watch the video yet but I saw the thumbnail. Oh lord having to rate things on a scale of 1 to 10 🤦‍♀️ No. No. No.

[@nikkimckay860]

Ashley. Hi quick comment hope your ok and doing ok I know we haven't talked much but you was helpful to me when I wanted to know how to get a question to kati also told me reason s why it wouldn't get notice with thumps up and you was friendly and you replied when other people on here didn't I consider you a nice person and will always say hi if I see your name lastly good comment and I can relate to what you wrote when I was in therapy my psychologist would ask me to rate a number from 1 to 10 on how I'm feeling each time I'd go to my session s and change my number would go up and down most of the time it would be 7 or 8 if you have anxiety hope it's not bad and manageable take care x

[@ashley-8612]

@@nikkimckay860 Hi Nikki! Nice to see you :) Oof I hate the 1-10 scale with anything! I always overthink it. Hope you’re having a good week! Talk to you again soon.

[@theflittingbutterfly]

❤😘

[@bitterapple]

It's hard to imagine how one could hate on Kati. The world is becoming weirder and weirder.

[@rockchik676]

Don't to a permenent soultion to a temporary problem But what if its not a temporary problem, what if you've been feeling like this for a while, everyday mostly. Just no one understands and professional help is non existent despite the amount of times you've reached out what if the professionals have given up on you and so has everyone else.

[@Vice2410]

So how do you know when you need to get help with "intrusive thoughts" I call them intrusive because my therapist calls them that, to me they are normal thought, I've lived with them my whole life. The thought of hurting others is not intrusive to me. But when do you know you need help with them, or when to reach out.

[@scenepunk09]

I think they are negative thoughts often reoccurring even when u try not to think about them that are causing a lot of stress. Like they are invading your mind.

[@Vice2410]

@@scenepunk09 right that's what intrusive thoughts are but I see these thoughts as normal they don't bother me

[@scenepunk09]

@@Vice2410 she probably thinks these thoughts are affecting you without u realizing it like it is subconscious.

[@Michelle-sw9uj]

Isn't it the whole point to have your child fear doing something wrong on purpose? If the child continues with bad behavior after being told to stop, I would spank my child.

[@jessman8597]

I've always been a fan of Kati, but she really messed up this time. She said online therapy isn't appropriate for suicidal people, but she is defending online therapy. Apparently quality therapy doesn't matter. We are simply told to settle for second class therapy. Why aren't clients worth quality care anymore? Do therapists simply not care?

[@ivysplays7096]

Can you please stop saying you burped! We know! We heard! No need to point it out.

[@DontWantToBeRecognized]

Sounds like your having a rough day, hope it gets better for you 🙏

[@ivysplays7096]

@@DontWantToBeRecognized I am not actually, what is wrong with not enjoying an emphasis on every single burp while a serious emotional question is being answered?

[@AznDudeIsOn]

@@ivysplays7096 Ain't nothing wrong with not enjoying the emphasis. At the same time, Katie just being authentic dawg. Let a homie burp and point it out

[@Michelle-sw9uj]

Same here. But then I ask myself why such things can't just be edited out?

[@explained7966]

I see what you mean and had the same initial feeling when it happened. I thought it was just me. Then I thought that it was an instinctive response to burping and maybe it's important for her to leave it in to stay authentic. I doubt it comes from a place of disregard for the seriousness of the question.