Episode 012 | Managing Relationships After a Faith Crisis | Faith Unfiltered Q&A

Today on Faith Unraveled we dive into your questions about managing friendships and family relationships after a leaving the Mormon Church. Is it possible to share those pesky "truth claim" issues with active believing loved ones, without harming your relationship? How does one make new friends after leaving the church? And how do we handle the loss of friendships after walking away from the church? We address all of it in today's episode!
If you'd like to submit a question for an episode, please submit it to our Instagram DMs: www.instagram....
-----
WELCOME TO FAITH UNRAVELED:
TikTok: www.tiktok.com...
Instagram: www.instagram....
Jamie and Elisha invite you to join us on our journey of unraveling the complexities of Mormonism after a lifetime within the church. With a vibrant community of over 70,000 on TikTok, we understand that the challenges of faith deconstruction transcend any single denomination. Across the globe, millions are awakening to new perspectives, questioning norms, and seeking truth in their spiritual paths.
In our series, we delve deep into the awakening process, exploring the impacts of patriarchy, toxic positivity, purity culture, and heteronormativity on our faith experiences. But our exploration doesn't end there. We're committed to reconstruction-rebuilding our faith, beliefs, and sense of self after the unraveling.
A highlight of our series is the opportunity for you to shape our discussions. Submit your burning questions to us on Instagram at Faith Unraveled, and stay tuned as we devote entire episodes to answering them directly.
Join us as we navigate the twists and turns of faith, embracing the complexities and uncertainties while forging our unique spiritual paths. Welcome to Faith Unraveled!

[@kentthalman4459]

Managing relationships is often the worst part of leaving.

[@Faith.unraveled]

Absolutely agree

[@smileszim7709]

I really enjoy your guys’ conversations. Thank you.

[@Faith.unraveled]

So glad that resonated with you! 🫶🏻

[@CheeseCake5990]

That idea that if religion asks for big sacrifices, IT BETTER BE TRUE... is hugely important. This line of thinking liberated me from my own indoctrination. So wonderful to hear you all mention consent as well. I think a lot about the concept of "informed consent" when it comes to religious conversion and whatnot.

[@SynThenergy]

This podcast is excellent. It has a range of topics and focuses on many things not covered by other podcasts. Thank you!

[@Faith.unraveled]

Thank you so much, Bryce!

[@LarsCallahan]

I have 2 children getting married this summer. I will be that father, sitting, waiting outside the temple. Twice.

[@Faith.unraveled]

I am so so sorry to hear this. So painful and unnecessary.

[@LarsCallahan]

@@Faith.unraveled ♥️

[@marlenemeyer9841]

It’s unfair and unhealthy for the church to do this to families! I’m so sorry you have to go through this!

[@BoromirTolkien]

Ugh. Sorry to hear this. I mentioned to my wife we could elope because her family wouldn't be able to come to the sealing. It wasn't something I really wanted to do and my whole side of the family (aunts and uncles too) was coming to the sealing. The timeline is just so short, it is hard to get all the details worked out and everything gets moved down the production line. I wish we could have included them.

[@rooheath]

Totally agree about making friends outside of the religion. I feel like my friend-making muscles are like when you’ve had a cast on - all underdeveloped and weak! We’re taking the opportunity to make friends who share our hobbies and interests. It’s hard though, especially when we don’t know what the friendship expectations are! I don’t want to be a burden but I also don’t want to be standoffish 😂

[@Faith.unraveled]

I feel every bit of this!!

[@JIKOKALOL]

My wife's daughter can't get in the temple to see her daughters wedding so they're doing another one somewhere else where everybody can attend. Supposedly everyone is happy.

[@Faith.unraveled]

Yeah it’s so nice that it’s become an option, so much heartache thinking of the many who don’t have this alternative

[@BoromirTolkien]

I wish this was an option for us. It made me sad to realize that Romney was given this option for his wedding.

[@letahamilton]

What I’ve come to realize is that those in my life who are super entrenched & invested in staying in & not looking at the evidence that so clearly shows it’s all made up BS is that they believe wholeheartedly that the church is the only thing that will save their kids from drugs, alcohol & all the “bad” stuff. There is a lot of fear around exposure to stuff that can derail a life - like drugs. It’s fear.

[@BrianWaller-qe7gr]

I bailed after only 15 months after baptizing. I just didn’t fit in. Middle aged no kids, dating has been a lifelong massive struggle. As a recent convert I was at an extremely disadvantage in the dating pool. I’ve conceded that I’ll probably be alone the rest of my life. 5 of the 6 missionaries that I’ve worked with are now married and I’m still stuck being single and I had 9-12 months ahead start on them. It’s extremely disheartening to see people that were still on missions when I entered the lds dating pool and they are married and I’m pretty much invisible in the dating pool.

[@zachstapley5585]

I knew at 13 I was like yep this isn't for me and I should get an academy award for pretending I was still into it. Although, I struggled with addiction across the board and I just felt so alone and attempted suicide when I was 17. Of course the men in my life said Zach you took pills and that's the girl way and that I was just asking for attention. I also dealt with being a gay member of the church and was put in a men's same sex attraction therapy group at 19 through an LDS therapist which just exacerbated my trauma. When I left the church officially at 20 which was the year I came out and let me tell you when I came out ,I came out swinging and full of rage and hate against the church. It became my daily mission to destroy and bash the church and my heart and soul grew dark as I loathed any religion but especially the Mormon church. I pointed blame and took no accountability for my destructive actions during my 20's and used my story as a weapon to continue to wreak havoc on myself and others around me. Presently through healing from addiction and religious trauma I have managed to find peace within myself and realizing I have the right to connect with a higher power of my own understanding and that God knows me and that I can still walk on a solid path and make peace with life and death. I let go of so much hate and resentment towards the church and I am no longer plagued with dark thoughts and the chains of addiction. I can go to LDS events and not feel judged at all because of the energy I exude and the confidence I have because I know who I am and people can see that. I feel more love at LDS events than ever before because of that. I am so grateful that I reached this point in life and can be myself proudly and with strength and my head held high. It makes me so sad that young gay men and women in the church and in other faiths won't ever reach this point and to know that they are worthy of love and a spiritual connection to God or higher power. The church has a lot of responsibility with the shame suicides and overdoses that have occurred with it's members. Whenever conferences are happening it's the only time i'm triggered and I book a weekend getaway so I don't have to be around family or friends that are members. I truly appreciate what you two are doing and keep up the good work! Thank you!

[@Faith.unraveled]

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this Zach. The trauma and rage that you describe is to me such a predictable and natural response to leaving a high demand religion without support and connection. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve found peace, even in those circles. What a painful and beautiful journey 🙏🏻

[@zachstapley5585]

@@Faith.unraveled Thank you! Also, sorry to type all that I just felt like this was a safe space for me to share, you guys are great!

[@Faith.unraveled]

@@zachstapley5585 So grateful

[@beckywheeler9372]

When I left… I refused to talk about it with my friends and most of my family! Why announce it??? I’m still me! I have lost nothing! Why test others to see if they agree with me? I’m 70 years old now… been leaving for the last 3 years! I’ve been all the things in the church including RS President! Raised 6 kids in the church! Did all the temple stuff! My experience in the church forced me to choose my family over the church! “Family” is not the most important to the church….financial, power, and personal control over every individual is what motivates the church. The truth claims of this church are abusive. Completely false! All members are under different degrees of mind control and coercion. Judgement, fear, control, indeed the practice of secret combinations to control and extort. Just leave…. Don’t announce to get support! You will be talking to people that are hamstrung by generational deception!

[@RobSwith]

"awakening"

[@SynThenergy]

Being exposed to true history instead of hagiography definitely wakes you up

[@TheSaintelias]

Yes. We need to start using that word rather than faith crisis or deconstruction.

[@tawnyachristensen7310]

Great video!

[@Faith.unraveled]

I’m so glad that resonated with you!❤

[@kirbykortum2373]

by tithing don't you mean membership dues?

[@BoromirTolkien]

There isn't a "membership due," but members are taught that God commands a sacrifice of 10% of our increase to increase our faith and open the windows of heaven for blessings. Many a financial windfall is correlated to paying tithing (or 10% of your income) to the Lord (Church).

[@TheSaintelias]

That accounting bishop needs to be reported to the state and accounting bodies. So unethical.

[@catherineb5]

Unless that convert didn’t become a convert until they moved to Utah annnnnnnnd married into a very generations long active LDS family. I swear I’m the only one in this very difficult and lonely disposition! 🫠

[@Faith.unraveled]

Ooooh I feel that 🙏🏻 Thank you for pointing that out

[@BrianWaller-qe7gr]

I moved to Utah alone with no family only know 3 people, two current at the time coworkers and one former. I baptized 9 months later. I quickly found that I didn’t fit in. Middle aged with no kids and pretty much undesirable to the opposite gender as dating has been a lifelong extreme struggle. Now in Utah for 3.5 years and only 7 dates to show for it. 4 lds and 3 non lds. I stopped attending over 18 months ago, when I realized a temple marriage was extremely unlikely, which is a huge part of the religion. I’m now at the point in my life where I’ve had enough, seen enough and I’m done. My life is coming to a close. Joining the church was my last ditched effort to salvage things. But instead it was the biggest disappointment I’ve ever experienced.