Episode 1: Anatomy of a Deadbeat | Bad Bad Babydad Podcast

[@biscotti_8820]

Don’t even get me started on the family court an dead beat dads 😂😭😭🤣💯

[@JoshlynGalarneau]

I always did everything. I just did it, every night because I couldn’t NOT do it.

[@kd14marketing]

❤❤❤❤ you're amazing!!

[@MalyssaWashburn]

My personality has totally changed. And it continued to change during the last 3 years of motherhood and experiencing the abuse from my sons dad and watching him treat my son the way he does. Being pregnant 4yrs ago was miserable with the symptoms of pregnancy plus the abuse. Like i was sick 8 months all day every day. I couldnt keep anything down. As an infant your child needs you so much and experiencing abuse while being everything n more your child needs.

[@CailynZen]

I agree with the deadbeat dude before he becomes a deadbeat dad. Some pretend that they will be a hands on dad or help in the community and have a reputation for being a “great guy” but behind the mask at home refuse to contribute to parental duties or disappear altogether. They have almost ten months to also mentally prepare for their child being born into this world, and most of them choose to not do that work. No research, parenting classes or videos, or refuse to change or prepare to change their lifestyle to accommodate a child.

[@lyndseyebdon3308]

This!!! You described my ex to a tee❤

[@april1kohn]

You got it! ✊🏼

[@biscotti_8820]

The worst is a bitter dead beat dad that does false child abuse claims😭

[@Porkchopguy]

This is true and females do this on the daily. Lies, false allegations towards the father, shit talking the father to the kids, this is very normal for females.

[@Mamarachel78]

That's been happening to me for 17 years 😭

[@kd14marketing]

How does that go exactly?? What's the defense?

[@lisamarienegron748]

The reason why the girls love and except you as a male and a safe space ..... is because your not a threat, your experience and content is accurate and relatable. Most of all your like one of the girls😘

[@Ariarosesmommy]

I’m dealing with a narcissistic baby daddy. He pays child support, only because it is taken from his paycheck. I’m so lucky that I have an amazing husband now, but I still get a stigma for getting child support like I’m less of a person for getting child support.

[@lishbrooke9957]

Thankyou for bringing light about the court system and how the evidence you think will help will be thrown out sometimes. Then having to give every other weekend and being terrified is the exact thing im dealing with. I also have to deal with my bds mom. It feels like I'm in a counterparenting relationship with the gma and the bd. It is so chaotic. I hate when people say just take him to court. You can't explain this type of shit to people that have no idea. I hope your video's get tons of views so they are more educated .

[@amandayuill8031]

The court is a joke. My ex was a homeless and an addict, the judge told me its discrimination to use his drug addiction against him. Dropped 15 thousand dollars off his child support and gave him visits. He lived in cars yet had access to my kids because his mom let him have visits in her house. It's mind-blowing.

[@fitnesswithatwist2.05]

The deadbeat man theory is point on!

[@ObligatedStarsify]

When you speak about post separation abuse you are speaking the truth! My divorce took 2.5 years due to Covid and it was awful. More ppl need to know about this!! And the courts definitely aren’t for the best of the child- they want what is best for the court.

[@leahpadget2515]

This is such an amazing start! I’m so excited for you! Can’t wait to hear the next episode.

[@assaltnpepperm117]

Great start and I’m here for it! 💗💗

[@kmigdon]

I started out with sole legal custody years ago. Then I had modified joint legal custody, which meant I was the deciding factor if we couldn’t agree. All he had to do was say, he wanted to see his child during a zoom hearing. Then he threw his clipboard in his truck and stared out the window for the rest of the proceeding, including when the judge was directly, asking him questions, and he still got 50-50. In Indiana, the guidelines are very specific and detailed for each developmental age. Fortunately, Indiana also states that when parents have made child rearing a battleground, joint custody is not recommended. So I’m hoping to get sole legal custody again. I didn’t even have to fight to get it the last time. Her father ignored the court for six months, and then no-showed the day of the hearing. It defaulted to me. I actually was naïve enough to think that, after that, it would be smooth sailing. that was a year ago and he has made my life a living hell ever since.

[@ricancubandoll]

Yes court need more work smh 🤦‍♀️

[@Arayvek]

I found it impossible to coparent with someone who didn't want to parent at all. Never beg your kids' dad to be present for them. If he wants it, he will be there.

[@paulaortiz2234]

The worst part is when the judge has sentenced the baby daddy multiple times. From drug charges to multiple domestic violence But wants to give them a chance to be a dad.

[@nicolecox4524]

Omg it’s so bad and worse when the judge gives unsupervised visits! 😢

[@paulaortiz2234]

@@nicolecox4524 that was the worst day and trying to explain it to your child who is already scared of the father.

[@jessicaabbassi1140]

This 🙌🏼😞

[@april1kohn]

They don’t care about kids

[@thebrandijessica]

THIS 100000%! I've had the same judge for support, my pfa, and custody and after 6/7 hearings they finally realized how much of a POS he is

[@Krazyt90]

I love everything about this!!!!!! Thank you guys for being our voice ❤❤❤ BUILD-a-family 😂

[@sianmorris6599]

This is my life! It's so hard and painful for the Mothers & there children. You really need to watch the tips and tricks on how to deal with a narcissist. It will be one of the most challenging situations you will ever have to deal with

[@jennifermorales1721]

Can't wait for more videos!

[@jessicaabbassi1140]

Ty for this, loving this conversation and look forward to more! What’s interesting is dads who give money, but not time…or time but not money. I will say my daughters dad has heavy unresolved trauma, addiction issues etc. He’s had some help, never stuck with therapy or rehab etc consistently to really grow. However, Im also in recovery and have trauma and I chose healing and chose that for the sake of our child. For so long I felt bad for him and went above and beyond, but I had to realize at this point in life he’s aware he has issues and it has to be him who wants the help and that if he’s toxic which unfortunately he is he cannot be in our child’s life because he couldn’t and wouldn’t be consistent, healthy etc for our child at all and I just got to the point I couldn’t stand by and watch her be rejected and have anymore emotional trauma and as she got older she expressed not wanting a relationship with him because of his actions, or lack thereof. It’s been a hard road, But I’m glad I did what my mom wasn’t strong enough to do and that’s put my daughter first and make sure she is around love and stability. Some people say negative things about single moms, however I’d rather my daughter see me single, happy, at peace, surrounded by love then in a relationship being mistreated, and all the things. It’s definitely been freeing and I’ll never regret doing it alone for the sake of my daughter having a better emotional environment. Ty for making this a conversation.

[@KingDamon_M]

And your off, couldn’t be more excited for this … I’m here for it all LFG!!!!!!!

[@carlarukavina-gignac6999]

Amazing! Super relatable. Scary relatable. ❤️

[@keishadixon3694]

Keisha Dixon Congratulations on your first episode! You two are off to a fantastic start! However, it's essential to remember that each case is unique. In my situation, our court proceedings have lasted for 14 years (this case started when my children were 3 & 7), and interference from those unaware of the history has led to more significant harm to the children. As a woman, minority, and military combat veteran, I have my three strikes on top of dealing with being in a men's court and sprinkle that with triangulation and a dash of demonizing. You could not believe the sigma, stereotypes and social expectations (placed on such a delicate flower like me). It is unbelievable. Unfortunately, my deployment was used against me as abandonment, abuse, and neglect. The last visit I had with my daughter was in 2014. The last visit I had with my son was in 2016. My children are now 17 & 21. I waved the white flag at the last court hearing on September 11, 2023, but we still have to return to court in April 2024. TO EVERYONE, before anyone gets involved, please ASK QUESTIONS and conduct thorough RESEARCH. Your good intentions could do more harm than good to the children and the individual.

[@nicolecox4524]

Everything you guys touched on tonight is so close to home!!!

[@destinyortiz591]

Yes so love this u all nailed it 🙌

[@tammy61572]

I am happy to be on this podcast journey with you!! This is awesome❤️

[@MsMelmo87]

I didn't know there was a term for what my ex puts me through until watching your videos. Post separation abuse. Thank you so much for this!

[@michellecorona2683]

Thank you, Mia! Everything you said is exactly what I felt and am feeling! From pregnancy to being a mom everyday. You do change completely and no one else gets it until you go though it yourself.

[@melindaartzer5791]

You are so right on. Thank you so much. It’s such a breath of fresh air to feel so understood. It was like the entire time you were talking about what I’m going through ❤️

[@dignamanotoa6379]

What can we do to change the court system??? What can we do to save our kids?? What can we do!???? Let’s get together to change this !!

[@sparks6554]

You truly are amazing!

[@CamillaMasters]

Fantastic. Just brilliant. So glad you’ve started this podcast ! Absolutely loving your mix of fun and laughter with talking about the cold hard truth. ✨

[@dianaperez9471]

I love you n makes me so happy to know people see us single moms ❤❤

[@desireeberg6546]

I love this podcast! Im a single mama of 4 && this podcast helps a lot. ❤️❤️

[@beautyisintheeyeofthebehol6225]

I’m so excited for this This is real life and we need more topics like this !

[@soniczack6171]

Just breaks my heart. I don’t know how ANYONE could kill their own children. But so many great points on here. 💜

[@bnicolette14]

Mia is right! Using the divided plates can lead to feeding issues! But a kid also might just want more control over their food or it might just look differently than they expected it to

[@jennantonious8441]

Watching and liked honey! Always support you J!!

[@bboles45]

I'm so happy for you! Congratulations on this and many many more good things to come for you in life! ❤❤

[@greatestever4327]

My kids father is a clown and his gf ? Bigger clown smh who tf don't care for their kids. It's gross

[@ricancubandoll]

Tbh mines ain’t seeing my child without supervision especially of his well known background.

[@lauramyers4547]

Oh, snap, you came up on my KZbin!! Love it!! ❤Your content is SO SPOT ON I swear your content heals my soul. Especially the church lady 😂😂 Excited to hear the podcast

[@erin227]

I LOVE that you have started this podcast!!!! ❤️ Maybe one day it will be on Spotify so I can listen at work too!!

[@terminal.orphan]

Love you and this podcast! So relatable

[@LexyGRC]

This had me in tears of how real it all is. You are amazing. Listening to you has helped me cope with so much.

[@devindontdie]

SPOT ON WITH THE SINGLE DAD SH*T

[@april1kohn]

Thank you for this important discussion! We have the same issues in Wisconsin. We had to use a parenting app for an annual fee of around $120, because the judge wasn’t familiar with Talking Parents, and my ex refused to use the free one. The standard is 50/50, but that isn’t the state law. Thank you for your work with Piqui’s Law 💜 We need light shed on the situation in WI.

[@LeahBTravelin91]

We really do! I filed in March of 21 for child support as ex walked out at 8 weeks pregnant. I gave him 4 months before realizing he didn’t want to be present. He doesn’t show and there’s still no order

[@nicolecox4524]

Oh I love that about judges!

[@destinyortiz591]

Omg I've never heard of Triangular but this is so my baby daddy I've lost so many friends and pushed away family because they believe him he's a narcissist

[@tanyaolwell4389]

Hi this is Tanya we spoke on the phone today . Thank you so much for taking the time to speak to me . I appreciate you so much .

[@jennnnn10]

I think the thing to recognise most importantly, is that changing their priorities and responsibilities once a child is born for men is essentially optional. Most don't experience the abrupt 'rebirth' of their identities like that of a mother.

[@Theflowergeekcrafts]

Wow, you’re so right. It’s never just about the “cinnamon”. I see my 7 year old twins going about their lives and there’s constant moments where I see them and I just want to cry. Their father walked out of their lives when they were 1 1/2. So they’ve never known what it’s like to have a father. I see that gap he’s left in our lives.

[@MalyssaWashburn]

I cry all the time. Eveeything gets me. I also couldnt imagine doing even half of half of what my babydad does. I couldnt imagine not having my son at any given time. When i went to meet my now fiance for the first time i literally called my son every second possible. My sons dad was so good at hiding who he was. Iv experienced every abuse possible.

[@sarahstrahm3072]

Thank you for doing this and being real about it. You're giving a voice to the voiceless

[@profcheesecake]

Great episode! I am SO excited to hear more. And the set looks awesome too. Thank you for telling the world about our pain. We love you Jay!

[@shantawinzer1214]

So happy for you and the show❤ I wanna be on here.

[@LeahBTravelin91]

Yesss. Guys either change or don’t. Mine was seriously perfect. When I was 8 weeks along he left because “I’ve changed”. He doesnt do anything for her. She just turned two in november.

[@Awayfromkeeboard]

My ex husband only pulls up to take selfies with my son, then he leaves tops 10-15 mins later and then doesn’t pull up for another month or 2. He just wants to show his kid to his new girlfriend. It’s kinda disgusting

[@anonymoususer4866]

Love this! Looking forward to the next episode.

[@christopherzadeh7120]

This was great!! I cant wait to see the next one!!!! Love the energy and love the connection of you both!

[@eveolszewska1975]

It totally does go back to how your raised . When I first met my ex his biggest complaint in life was that my dad never played ball with me. Everyone that I've ever met that's known my ex since he was a little boy has said that his babysitter raised him because his mother and father were too busy putting their lives first. 7 years later they had another child and his father retired and he saw his father do everything with his brother that he never did with him . He was never a parent to my daughter. Except if you know how it feels you should be doing everything in your power to not repeat the pattern. I think sometimes it's a very good cop out.

[@ricancubandoll]

This was really good sorry for all the comments I literally commented to parts that was said. Keep this going 💜💙🫶

[@ashleyebrecht3176]

I'm five minutes into listening to this podcast and Mia was talking about the moms walking away and that hit way too close to home. I was raised by a single dad for that reason. I'm a single mother of 3 fighting to see my kids. If you guys ever want a guest I would love to chime in on that perspective.

[@Neequu78]

Subbed instantly from Instagram! Love you. Thank you for seeing us.❤

[@TheDeadbeatDiaries]

Ahhh thank you baby!! Love you too!!

[@bnicolette14]

Thank you two for this. The set up is RICH. I love it 🤎 & the single dad discussion is tough because it's so hard to trust men. You never know if the guy is actually the narc & will just join to bash and make the mom look bad or they may be just trying to join the group to go after the moms. Lets be honest, it's mainly men who are the narcs & the deadbeats. And actually, part of it is like she said, men not knowing what being a parent means but i think its mostly society putting men on a pedestal and also not holding them responsible for anything. When a teen or young woman or unmarried woman gets pregnant, she bears the brunt of the backlash. She is shamed and pressured and turned against. While the man or boy gets off the hook. They coddle him and protect him. When i got pregnant, NO ONE went off on my then-bf about how i wouldnt be able to follow my dreams. But how many times was that said to me? More than i can count. Meanwhile, it didnt matter if i had the baby or not (i did 🤎), the father's life changed in no way whatsoever; he went down the exact path he planned on before i got pregnant. So his life was unchanged but he was treated like a baby, like some horrible injustice was done to him bc he got me pregnant. Meanwhile i was shamed. And i gladly chose my child over the plans i had for myself. Gladly. And I'd do it again. And i disagree a bit with her; i did not change AT ALL when i became a mom. Maybe its bc im neurodivergent. But im exactly the same lol. Ive always been high anxiety, always hated going out, i didnt ever like partying, never drank or smoked or tried drugs, always been extremely responsible, always put others before myself, always been highly empathetic and gentle, and also always been super goofy and playful lol. I never gave much thought to becoming a mom but once i got pregnant, i just was like cool this is what im doing now lol i cant describe it. It was like i was MEANT to be a mother to this kid. I do think as a mother, generally you have an unbreakable bond with your child (even the moms who "walk away" from their kids) but i dont think that being a mom has to change your personality.

[@erikawithee]

THANK YOU KZbin for not allowing me to subscribe!!!!! Being facetious

[@MalyssaWashburn]

I am going to court next week. Im nervous this could happen. My court situation is crazy seeing what my sons dad is asking for. Its 100% not black and white. There are so many aspect in play

[@maiaem7690]

Just Jay practically describing my baby’s dad to a T. We deserve/d so much better.

[@pandorasgirl3584]

If you want an example of "Mommy enables him": not one person in my ex's entire family would tell me that the asshole was still married. It came out from his mother as i was planning the wedding (which didn't happen): "Why are you marrying a married man?" Cause it was just before the days of readily accessible info, all i could do was say, "He's already MARRIED?"

[@angelinaangelina2702]

Omg 😲 😢 the supervised visit

[@jlynn7893]

I'm so excited for this! I haven't made it to any of the zooms but would really like to try to make it to one. You're amazing and thank you!!

[@beahaze5891]

Love you guys for doing this. Looking forward to the episodes to come 🎉

[@ricancubandoll]

Yeah they don’t think about the kid and what it can affect them too , this why I don’t want to even put her in the damn court stuff because as much I try to explain get ignored at times. Yea it’s good a survivor escapes and sucks the ones have to go through it. Then the kids intend to be troubled. Yes you only can give chances. Especially if they don’t even want to go through court because they don’t like court or more. 🤦‍♀️

[@ambalinaai5570]

You guys this was so great and almost theraputic

[@danicalkins6169]

I am SO thankful I found your podcast!! Also, my bd checks all boxes, except mom enabling him. Including new girlfriend & baby on the way..... He is on family number FOUR.

[@TaylorPreston-p6r]

I was so sick I couldn't glow. I lost 40 pounds I did not feel beautiful. But now as a mom I do feel that glow.

[@janellemonique1351]

GREAT JOB GREAT SHOW JAYDEE 👏🏾

[@angelinaangelina2702]

The mom bond ❤ 🥰 🔄

[@lisamarienegron748]

Hey mamacita. Are you on IG?

[@lisamarienegron748]

OMG I have a ton of comments based on the content you shared!!!

[@lisamarienegron748]

The answer to why you don't cover single dad's in your skits etc.... is because this is based off your experience with your mom as a witness to her being single mom.

[@ammieunruh1441]

When I was doing my last court date, the first 2 cases that were called up were cases of domestic violence. The judge was asking them about mediation to get the visitations set up so the perpetrators could still see the kids. And I thought that was dumb because if the mom is putting in a request for a restraining order against the person who hurt her, that perpetrator should not have the right to try and see the kids; because if he can't hurt her the way he's been doing for who knows how long, the next person available would be the children.

[@paulaortiz2234]

Yes where I from I begged my judge to only allow contact through TalkingParents. This way it was not a he she said battle, and he actually granted it he agreed because I allowed open communication through that.

[@nicolecox4524]

I had similar scenario. It’s awful when judges let them have unsupervised visits. I agree. The judges need educated. I was so abused via text and email and I understand exactly what you are describing.

[@paulaortiz2234]

@@nicolecox4524 yes, the bd was in his court room for other charges and the judge said ok well kids need their dad. Wait wait he had 3 pending felony charges! Plus 5 misdemeanor. But yes let’s confuse this child and add more trauma and confusion. In the event you actually sentence him.

[@dignamanotoa6379]

Everything you saying is so true!!

[@eveolszewska1975]

I refuse to even start dating after 2 years of ending my abusive narcissistic relationship because I know I have a lot of work to do on myself . I realized that I pick the worst men . It's so different now that I am a mom . It's not just about me . And, I refuse to be the kind of mom that has my daughter see mom go from relationship to relationship.

[@goldie1160]

loved this!!

[@lisamarienegron748]

When are you going to do live podcast and take calls 🙌🏽🙌🏽 I got some shit to get off my chest and would love to chime in. Pinky promise valuable content and possible different perspective post trauma - spiritually resurrected, clear about who I was sucker aka puppet to and why.

[@JennySkeel-bo1rq]

I'm excited for your new show! So, if we are going to repeatedly double back on male violence 🙄 and how female violence exists too 🙄...let's figure out how many men are violent - if 98% of violent crime is committed by men, and 1 in 3 women have experienced male violence? There is a spectrum of male violence from coercive control to the wars raging all over the world. 👍. And we really don't need to make constant retractions when we talk about this guys. Otherwise - amazing job on this!

[@michellenolet3168]

Love this

[@SarahToker]

Mom here that is roles reversed. He won in court when it got nasty. I moved. He painted me as bad.. people still to this day say to me they don’t know how.. and me neither. I still ask to see our kid. P.S. the emotional abuse stuff you talked about will stay with you ( just relating ). I had to go to counseling for along time and it helped, but some days are harder than others.

[@monicagoddess1]

I also think you're either born with the WANT to be a parent or not. No amount of anything will MAKE you be a parent IF you don't shutter the thought of not being in the child's life.

[@VivaGlamJae]

The kids food thing is real 😅 my daughter is 9 and absolutely dislikes her foods touching. She loves all of the ingredients but heaven forbid they touch! 😂 like wait I thought you liked pickles on your sandwich? NO MOM, I EAT MY SANDWICH AND THEN MY PICKLES. 😅😅😅 send help!

[@kmigdon]

My ex said I was a “worthless excuse for a mother” in an email… After a year and a half of no contact. It was the second time he had gone over a year without seeing our child. This was because I had sole legal custody. This was after 5 1/2 years of him not being involved in her medical care or therapies. He has been telling anyone who will listen for years that I’m the reason why he doesn’t have a relationship with his daughter. Meanwhile, he testified earlier this year that after August 2021, he just gave up trying. Kinda interesting, huh? His new supply and his mother were there and heard everything. How embarrassing to sit in court, and hear that he’s been lying about all of this for years.

[@MultiJuicygurl]

100000%%% agree with a deadbeat man before deadbeat man for sure so true & the enabler mother so trueeeeeeeee

[@rose_quartz_loveandlight]

great pod ❤

[@devindontdie]

Thank you for this!

[@lisamarienegron748]

OMG I can go on and on

[@amyschultz44]

I never knew what to do when my child was at play dates or scouts. I alwats sat in the car outside until he was 15.

[@kaylachoate100]

Some moms just CANT do it. There shouldn’t be a stigma of “dead beat” if they just CANT do it. Just because women get pregnant doesn’t mean they HAVE to. There’s moms that give their kids up for adoption and they are praised for strength etc. but if that same mom was to give their kids up to the baby daddy then they are a dead beat mom? Just like dads. Just because they get a woman pregnant doesn’t meant they should HAVE TO stay. It’s a shitty situation. But a dead beat is someone who says they are there but really actions speak louder. Rather than those that from the jump just say “no I can’t” right? I would rather my kids dads be upfront with me from the jump rather than the inconsistency of not being around or the toxic behavior which is them claiming to be the best parent when really they are the most absent.

[@Winy-e5y]

I absolutely love you, you help me through a lot. I really wish I could zoom with you