Episode 71: Meet Your Habit Self

We are creatures of habit. If we want to know who we truly are, we must first meet our habit Self. We all come from a unique set of circumstances, experiences, and environments as children that have created who we show up as in the world: a series of habitual thoughts, patterns, and autopilot reactions. In this episode, we talk about how to identify this habit Self and break out of that autopilot, becoming the conscious creator of your own life.
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[@portalsandpathways]

I find I experience a combination of Jenna’s and Nicole’s reaction.I had to be very self reliant at an early age for myriad reasons so I can default to that lack of compassion when it feels to me like another person should also be able to “suck it up” like I did. Then it’s like a boomerang and I fall into a place where I drop my boundaries and become very codependent. I do a “quick check” of my childhood and hear that voice telling me “so many people had it so much worse, what is your problem?!” Then I switch to the caretaker role. It makes me feel crazy, like I don’t even know who I am. Deep breathing and yoga Nidra help center me. I then SLOWLY reset my boundaries and do whatever I need in that moment to re-regulate. Thank you for these healing conversations.

[@divyapuliani]

I have had a mix of these experiences too.

[@portalsandpathways]

@@divyapuliani it can be really crazy making for me when it’s happening. I am leaning to not make decisions when I feel that disregulation. I’m sorry that you go through this too but thankful that you commented because it makes me feel connected.

[@divyapuliani]

@@portalsandpathways I am glad you said this. Ditto - I also am learning to not make decisions when I feel disregulated. Long walks + vagus nerve massage + asking a loved one to hug or just look into my eyes (cheesy, I know:) ) helps me regulate.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Resonate so much with this sharing, Kristin! You're certainly not alone and here and we really appreciate you taking the time to share this here for others to relate and be validated as well through your articulation of this experience. So much love to you and gratitude for your being here on the journey alongside us.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

@Divya thank you so much for connecting here. It's a gift to have your presence and sharing and we are so grateful. It's so helpful for so many to see what this can look like in action and day to day life. Appreciate you sharing what has been helpful for you

[@namitaraghav2303]

Amazing sharing! Immensely grateful

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

So grateful for this and your presence here, Namita! Thank you for being part of these conversations and connecting with us here

[@nicoleholt7245]

Loved this one so much. I have the workbook and really enjoyed hearing you speak about it. I’d love more podcasts like this one for sure!

[@kimmywinky6825]

Me too!!

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

So glad, Nicole! Thank you for tuning in and letting us know. We'll definitely keep more of these workbook episodes coming for you! And THANK YOU for being in the Circle :) It's so wonderful to have you in the community.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

We'll keep them coming for you, Kimmy! Thank you so much for tuning in and connecting with us here :)

[@jonf9204]

Just want to start by saying how beautiful it is as a listener to see both of you share the differences in your experiences, at times almost opposite in your thoughts and patterns, and how ok that is and how you can still be in a relationship with someone with differences like that. There is no one size fits all for everyone's trauma journey or healing journey. I generally tend to identify more with Jenna on topics, because of similar childhood experiences. However, this is the first time that I can recall where I felt I could identify personally with both on the topic self-victimhood thoughts. I have had lack of compassion thoughts of "if I had to go through tough childhood times and deal with all that, then what's their excuse." But also, have had moments where I use that upbringing as an excuse. "Well, what do you expect, look at how I was raised." Or not embracing the radical responsibility of my past. I took the stance of the world and negative things having happened to me, NOT for me. Either way happy to have the power to be able to edit my thoughts and patterns. Thank you as always for the inspiring and enlightening topics and discussions. ... Also those wise child Tik Tok videos I watch on Instagram (haha) are so helpful. Please keep em coming

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you so much for sharing this reflection, Jon! It's so affirming for us all to honor both our differences, similarities and uniqueness. We love hearing what and how you're resonating and seeing the ebb and flow of everyone's journeys and healing. Celebrating our shared power of choice, big time! :) So grateful to have you part of these conversations each week. And yes, will certainly keep those TikTok videos coming (and posting them on Instagram for you to see!) @jennaweakland @the.holistic.psychologist

[@divyapuliani]

Loved the "you spot it, you got it" bit. The good thing is it applies to traits we consider both "positive" and "negative". So, if we observe that someone is very smart and are awed by it, chances are we have the same trait, possibly in a different form. E.g. street smartness and emotional smartness.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Absolutely. Thanks for sharing this here, Divya!

[@jenniferali2596]

What an episode! I have so many notes from this to put in my journal!😊 I'm here staining my fence listing to you guys. Thank you!!

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

So glad you enjoyed this and tuned in, Jennifer!! Thank you for being here and connecting with us. Love envisioning what you're up to while listening :) Much love to you

[@kimmywinky6825]

This was my first time watching one of these. Wow!!! After decades of therapy, medications, books etc...nothing has hit home or helped more than the introduction of Dr. Nichole's Instagram posts and now finding this platform. I have so much to learn and am so grateful for finding what I need finally!!! Do either of you do one on one therapy?

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

So grateful you've found us and are here with us, Kimmy! And so glad you've found the instagram account :) Divine timing. We do not work one on one. We do have our own virtual private, global healing community- SelfHealers Circle. You can join the waitlist here, as we open enrollment again in a few months! selfhealerscircle.com/waitlist/

[@szenka43]

Thank you for the video! This content is so helpful, I wish that your book and message reach more and more people.🤓✨... And last but not least I loved the stickers on (I assume) Jenna's book. 😁🙃 Brave and bold decoration filled with love and playfulness. 🥰💖

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

You are most welcome :) Thank you for being part of these conversations and by doing so expanding this reach! Yes, that's my (jenna's) workbook and I love that you noticed the stickers. Had my own reparenting fun by encouraging Little Jenna and cheering her on :). Much love to you always, szenka!

[@eunicedetoiles9901]

great conversation...gave me a lot to consider...thank you! :)

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Loving your curiosity, Eunice! Thank you for tuning in and connecting with us here ❤

[@sheindyone]

Identify with Jenna all the way 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm laughing my ass off. Love you guys

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

:-D :-D Thank you for tuning in (and laughing) with us, Sandy! Much love to you always.

[@BookdragonCarina]

Glad to start my week with these fascinating insights and things to consider. I’m excited to start the workbook soon. I’m a bit nervous as I only have the audiobook and am uncertain if that will work or if I will have to get the physical book as well. But currently I’m holding of on starting as my mindset is very negative at the moment and it might make me spiral further down and I wouldn’t be able to truly grasp the great input. Always know your limits. That’s as much selflove as I’m able to give myself right now, but it’s something.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you so much for tuning in with us, Carina! The workbook (and our podcast) will always be available for you whenever you choose to embark on the journey (which you're already doing being here and engaging with us-thank you!). We're celebrating the self-love you're offering yourself and are holding you in our hearts and thoughts

[@leoniedittmar9431]

I loved this episode so much! Thank you, I really appreciate you made an episode of habits. Jenna, I really loved your explanation about the forest and the neuropathways! I feel like I can really understand that. Nicole, what book did you get the poem from? I really like the poem! 🦋 Thank you for sharing.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

So much love to you, Leonie!! So glad this visual resonated and love the visual display you've now created for yourself with it :) A beautiful forest. The book is called 365 Tao Daily Meditations by Deng Ming-Dao

[@braydenk.8348]

Does anyone have advice on where to start when it comes to changing my morning habits? I consistently wake up and get on my phone. Even when I put it outside of my room, my sleepy self makes a decision with least resistance and grabs the phone (because sleepy brain doesn’t have time to fight the urge) and it just sets the tone for my day in the worst ways. But every youtube video I see on morning habits and routines, it doesn’t feel like I can relate to anyone on how difficult it is to quit. My brain always chooses the thing that hurts me in the long run.

[@shabgerye]

I am a true fan of Nicole and I follow your pages and work from the beginning. Love your approach ❤️ However the shift in the podcast lately from Nicole to Jenna, is something I have trouble digest. Would love if the focus of the subject went more to Nicole

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for tuning into our work, Aida. The Soundboard was intentionally created + designed to be a shared, co-created conversation between both hosts. If you would like to focus your listening of any subject matter on only Dr. Nicole, we suggest tuning into the many episodes she has appeared on as a guest. If you type her name into any podcast platform or here on KZbin, you'll be able to find them.

[@kimmywinky6825]

I like both and both views

[@RH-ep7if]

It would be good if in all your content there was a balance between self disclosure and content. It often feels platforms are opportunities to talk about yourselves a lot. Don't mind a bit but its a bit too much

[@saryfairy555]

What is the difference between content and self disclosure, to you ? Because I think that when they talk about themselves it’s helpful , insightful , and relatable . I think their self disclosure counts as content !! What else are they supposed to talk about ? 😂

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for tuning in, R H! If self disclosure is to mean sharing ourselves, story and experience, then yes (as Sarah mentions above) it is all shared to make up the whole of our content