Erotic Boredom: A Book Review of The Mister by E L James

[@toetotipthatsabart5048]

I absolutely love that Onision’s book has become a benchmark of how awful a book can be

[@lokiprime9108]

This book reviews really helped me with my writing! And I realized that I'm not that bad at it too. :D

[@Awesome_Pichu]

It's basically a helpful guideline to show your work can be improved and to make sure spellcheck is on

[@BlissfulMidnite]

Toe to Tip That's a Bart I shall be your 1,000th like have a nice day!

[@ibeamy]

Toe to Tip That's a Bart fucking hilarious 😂😂😂

[@jadedragon6222]

I have all three of his books and am currently reading them aloud to my boyfriend. It's been hilarious.

[@cw2010]

Bilingual people written by monolinguals: Deti! Deti! The sea! Oh I forgot to switch, hehe Actual bilingual people: Uhhh I forgot the word, what was it called in english? You know the,, hand shoe? GLOVE I MEANT GLOVE

[@anapm2927]

The amount of time I've explained things as '' the thing for you know the thing'' It's like I'm bilingual how am I blanking this bad? You know the saying "I'm bilingual meaning I can make an ass of myself in two languages" 😁

[@ej4j4i38wGwgeb8]

if i had a dollar every time i stopped in the middle of a sentence bc i forgot a word in english i'd be a billionaire

[@incognitoburrito6020]

I'm learning Spanish and used to be conversational in German, but this is _still_ me in English. If I talk to someone fluent in all three, maybe I'll finally sound like a functioning human.

[@thefruitsong]

I have a bilingual friend who will just translate things into english. For example: Him: You're rubbing against my foot with yours? Are you foot flirting? Me: Foot flirting? Him: You know, when you play with each other's feet under the table Me: You mean playing footsie? Him: ... WHAT

[@n14d14]

Cecil W that and (well at least me) we’ll have like, go to words in that first language? It’s too much of my muscle memory and I’ll say entschuldigung instead of excuse me when I bump into someone.

[@Eriennexton]

The italicized thoughts represent his inner goddess, obviously.

[@turtleanton6539]

Haha hahaha 1😂😂

[@AnnabelRoss6789]

Yes.

[@colorblocked1]

Lierin York lmaooo

[@skyblade7438]

@ I mean, Jame's books are a plague upon humanity, so I think the analogy is accurate.

[@totallynotalpharius2283]

Oh fuck you , you're probably right

[@StudioThirtyEight]

I've never heard anybody say the words "Then he pulls a gun . . . And there's a fake pregnancy thing . . ." with so much boredom in his voice.

[@IncredibleMD]

Can't that also describe the last 50 Shades book?

[@QJ89]

Anatole Assahola sounds like a guy that, if this book were ever adapted, would be played by someone who would so hateful that it would be unwatchable.

[@justin2308]

That almost sounds like School Days... 🤔

[@slevinchannel7589]

21:20: Frankly, thats B.S. Where do you get this from?

[@gurmyigoll3535]

@@slevinchannel7589 What the hell are you talking about? Don't tell me you are a sex addict in denial

[@DrPepper280]

“As an American, I don’t really understand that British Aristocracy does.” As a Brit, neither do I.

[@ibeamy]

DrPepper 280 is that seriously a thing in modern day?

[@GriffinPilgrim]

@@ibeamy They still exist but most of them don't have actual political power any more. There is the House of Lords (part of our system of government) but you need more than a title to get in there. They can have some clout still but that's only because they tend to have lots of money and own land and that gets you ahead in most countries. Also some more traditional-minded types, particularly in the countryside, are impressed by titles but that's getting less and less of a thing. The royal family is another matter of course, but anything below them is just a fancy title.

[@etcetera1995]

@@GriffinPilgrim And what does the royal family do aside from sit around in an obscenely fancy house and wave at cameras?

[@GriffinPilgrim]

​@@etcetera1995 Not much, day to day. But my point was unlike most of the aristocracy they do still have a hereditary position of power, albeit only de jure. And the more important members do therefore at least have some paperwork to fill out from time to time. The chances of any British monarch actually utilising their power at this point is basically zero but technically the Queen is still the head of state for the entire Commonwealth which includes the UK, Antigua and Barbuda, Australia, The Bahamas, Barbados, Belize, Canada, Grenada, Jamaica, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, The Solomon Islands and Tuvalu. That's a touch more than the average guy with a big house and a useless title.

[@emmascanlon5505]

up the republic

[@TheSleepysleep]

Can we just establish that TRAUMA IS NOT A PERSONALITY TRAIT.

[@janetcheddar2549]

Janet Cheddar I read two pages and have not pick it up since. Boring

[@alicedarhk9790]

Thank you

[@silverquinones3420]

Louder for the people in the back!

[@Aix_Plainer]

´You got a Trauma´ -> -1 Charisma, -1 Wisdom

[@alicedarhk9790]

@@Aix_Plainer not necessarily. Wisdom can be earned and developmed in their situation. Charisma is just being attractive and lots of survivors can be that

[@annabanana7659]

'Erotic Boredom' Looks like EL James now has her own genre!

[@TryanaTheGoober]

Haha Absolutely agree

[@bthsr7113]

And she can keep it!

[@annabanana7659]

@VayHeksAir 1998 Colleen Hoover claims the Romantic Abuse genre. Codependency and toxicity are her books' main selling point.

[@annabanana7659]

@Rachtop So true that it hurts my soul.

[@Emmryrose]

True

[@LiLloftmouse]

"BITCH YOU DON"T EVEN KNOW IF SHE HAS FOOD ALLERGIES YET" is my new favorite reaction to absurdly fast-paced relationships in media

[@chillitheconqueror3567]

It's good, my reaction is checking if the characters know each other's favourite color. If they don't, that's so fast paced it's practically insta love

[@whiteraven562]

EL James did such a bad job depicting Albania that the Albanian ambassador to the UK yelled at her

[@nerdieone1]

Wow really??

[@SoWhosGae]

@@nerdieone1 Lol, pretty sure he doesn't even know who she is.

[@haggisa]

And he was fantastic. It was hilarious.

[@SoWhosGae]

Lmao, I saw it and he was too tame imo. Also @EL James doing "extensive research" on anything looool. 😂😂

[@wannabehistorian371]

...Holy Hell, it’s real!

[@lotusthemermaid]

"Trees died for this." And I, too, am now deceased.

[@person14876]

My life is now anti life

[@ohmiasi2538]

Do you mean you ~ rapidly ceased to exist ~ ?

[@tompossessed1729]

@@ohmiasi2538 you mean ripped apart and crushed to make it

[@rachelmcquade8910]

You a tree peep

[@pandorasangel2747]

@@ohmiasi2538 oh god the onions!!!

[@Kub1na32]

Roasting Onision for 1 hour per video, that's great. Roasting E.L. James for 2 hours in a single video, that's more orgasmic than all of her bibliography combined.

[@GreatBooker]

Crabby McCrab I cackled at “more orgasmic than all of her bibliography” thank you so much

[@TryanaTheGoober]

Oh boy yeah

[@Dreus0201]

I think you set the bar waaaay to low... 🤣

[@wittycult7696]

I must agree!

[@ArendAlphaEagle]

"Long story short, I am never welcome in Albania ever again." -Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz (and probably E. L. James too)

[@SorowFame]

Probably true but please, for the love of God, never compare Heinz Doofenshmirtz to e.l James again.

[@crowthewicked8344]

@@SorowFame Doofenshmirtz is too good for that

[@jdatlas4668]

See, that’s the core issue, isn’t it? “Long story short“ isn’t part of her vocabulary.

[@filmandfirearms]

@@jdatlas4668 She would write 3 whole books describing just that, then another 4 describing how it happened

[@sin3358]

It felt weird seeing the name of my neighboring country. Is that an actual quote?

[@michelleg2743]

E L James inspired me to be a writer because I think I would do better than her.

[@psychonautmaddy7409]

Omg I feel the same! Lol I've been writing my novel for four years so far and every time I read/hear something from E.L James, I'm instantly inspired 😂

[@lotusthemermaid]

I don't know you and I've never read your writing, and yet I can confidently say that you would.

[@mmmhhm]

Nah, you definitely can do better. Hell, the entire country of Albania currently hates her, so you literally cannot do worse

[@alextheglitch1101]

Glad I’m not the only one inspired by bad writing.

[@vihaze6725]

Same, to be honest. I wasn't sure about publishing because I didn't know if I was very good, but then I read some of her work and saw how undeservedly successful it was, and now I believe I could win a fucking Pulitzer.

[@magdalena7013]

“I’m An American, we sustain our diets entirely on Coca Cola and hamburgers. And sometimes war” 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@sicko033]

Accurate

[@devynmalu]

@Leaf nah we just like war

[@scottrauch1261]

Okay, I'm feeling a little called out. But 2$ for lunch or dinner cant be beat.

[@TaoScribble]

Replace Coca Cola with Pepsi.

[@devynmalu]

TaoScribble replace Pepsi with beer

[@joeq3838]

So, she had Netflix and HBO, but has never seen a credit card.

[@baneoftechnology]

In Albania. Pay for Netflix with carrier pigeon.

[@lemonywater2979]

@@baneoftechnology That's true, I can confirm this. I just send my carrier pigeon Sokol to pay for my Netflix subscription :) You guys should try this.

[@sabsab878]

Unknown Anon you named your pigeon „falcon“? Must be on hell of a bird :D

[@madcircle7311]

Jsss fkn christ WAHAT

[@lemonywater2979]

@@sabsab878 Thank you! I named him Sokol because, just like the son of our communist dictator Enver Hoxha, who doesn't show up as a first result when u Google "Enver Hoxha children" (even tho his 2 other kids show up), so is my pigeon Sokol sneaky and quick to escape :)

[@Lucienchol]

"The world's most financially successful fanfiction author." Most depressing words ever spoken. So many good fanfic writers, yet this dangerous garbage is what gets published and idolized just...depressing.

[@victoriashevlin8587]

Some people are lucky enough to be able to forget Cassandra Claire...

[@athenajaxon2397]

@@victoriashevlin8587 she was a fanfic author?

[@megmo272]

@@athenajaxon2397 yeah in the Harry Potter fandom

[@celinahatton2653]

I love that you care so much about good story telling that you're prepared to spend so long deconstructing a terrible book.

[@sarahamira5732]

Yup, it's really hard trying to get people to take fanfiction seriously when they immediately associate it with shit like this

[@sivula17]

"I'm an American. We sustain our diets entirely on Coca-Cola and burgers, and sometimes... war!" Had me dying XD

[@MartybaRyba]

Was it a reference to a song "We're all living in America" or something like that?

[@sivula17]

@@MartybaRyba Nothing comes to mind to be honest but if it is a song I'd love to check it out

[@ZuraZentiara]

@@sivula17 The song that immediately came to my mind when I heard that phrase was "Amerika" by Rammstein. They're my favorite band, so my opinion here is biased, but I think it's really good and clever. I'm German myself so I don't need a translation for the lyrics, but I'm sure there's one available. I hope I could help :)

[@MartybaRyba]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/iKObnZ2InMh9hK8

[@francesca1687]

ZuraZentiara that’s what I thought as well “We’re all living in Amerika, Coca-Cola, sometimes war”

[@arachnideer]

"The pacing in this book is like watching a snail trying to make his way through a lake of syrup after getting injected with a half-lethal dose of tranquilizer."

[@punchyboi6915]

*Poetry at its finest*

[@tinniesealjiji]

Punchy Boi 💀

[@PbChemist]

I want to like this but 666 likes is too perfect

[@alysmorenocarbonell8584]

We should make fake covers of books with summaries, quotes from critics and all but instead of "a breathtaking terrific novel" or some shit like that we put the most unattractive and negative stuff people have to say about this book. Like this would be the quote at the bottom of the fourth cover, and the summary would be something like "When a boring self-insert Albanian girl with a dark past becomes the maid of a genuinely insufferable aristocratic sex-addict, allegedly "kinky" boring erotica ensues." And the title would be well, "Erotic Boredom", something short and to the point that sums up what people who hate the book have to say about it. Add to that a mini author's bio that just says: "The author, EL James, is the most successful fanfiction writer in the world, and her writing worsens as time goes by. If you hated Christian Grey, then this is just the book for you, because you'll hate Maximillian even more." Then we should print those as book-jackets, go to the reader's section of a Walmart or something and replace the marketed book-jackets of a few copies as a prank (not stealing the og book-jackets of course, just stashing them elsewhere) as a prank. Honest book covers, think about it.

[@conway-jr4ce]

if i was the author i would put that on the back of the book.

[@ZaptheZombie]

I love the recurring theme of “EL James thinks abuse and brainwashing is love”, cause she did the EXACT same thing in 50 Shades

[@turtleanton6539]

Msybe she is a victim

[@Galvion1980]

@@turtleanton6539 or maybe she is a predator? Because female predators DO exist. And I've watched interviews with E.L. James, she acts as entitled and arrogant as I have seen abusers act. And at least financially, she IS preying on people who don't know better...

[@ZeroOmega-vg8nq]

@@Galvion1980 that and theres been a huge uptick in female predators in the recent years couldnt even figure out what cultural reasons could be making women so blatant hmmm

[@Galvion1980]

@@ZeroOmega-vg8nq There has been a huge uptick in female predators being caught and recognized as predarors is what you mean. There have always been female predators, it's just that sexism provided a cover for their actions: A boy raped by his female teacher was not considered a rape victim, but a lucky guy who scored. A wife was considered incapable of abusing he husband because women were "the weaker sex". Mental and emotional abuse didn't exist in most people's minds, because one was expected to tough it out and laugh it off. Less sexism = female predators recognized as predators. E.L. James ties to hide behind sexist cliches and laughable fake feminism, too, but real feminists see her for the vile scum she is and hate her.

[@joseystrife8780]

@Strawberry Cheesecake Lover yes men and women are physiologically different but physiology is not everything there is nothing stopping woman from competing in the same sport leagues as men except those sports that require full body contact like American Foot Ball Hockey and of course Boxing and MMA since the only upper body strength that most sports need is what's required to throw a ball really really fast

[@swimmyswim417]

As someone who’s trying to put together a mystery crime thriller/werewolf erotica between a headstrong female character and a clueless but handsome multimillionaire, it’s really helpful to see what NOT to do to make an interesting thriller/erotica. I‘ve started by making my multimillionaire the CEO of a toilet paper company, with the unofficial motto of “There’s always going to be shit to deal with.” I think it’s coming along swimmingly.

[@commandersane3161]

Bruh id pay so much money to get that on a t-shirt

[@ryker8338]

That motto though has me dying.

[@chacharealsmooth9394]

Love it so far

[@Dreigonix]

I NEED TO SEE THIS

[@GothBiDemiGirl]

Let me know when it's available.

[@solomosos5230]

I'm a simple gal, I see Krimson roasting E. L. James for 2 hours, I click

[@teddyfurstman1997]

LOL! same.

[@ReturnToSenderz]

Yoko Cainz Good Lord, I’m only ten minutes in and didn’t notice the time on the bar. 😱😱😱 I’m going to have to schedule this thing out.

[@ihatewonderwall4843]

I see Krimson roast ANY book, I'm clicking. The fact that it's E. L. James is even better.

[@miraenofficial]

Yoko Cainz holy crap. I just got to the end and didn’t even notice how long it was. I need a job.

[@annehelatrix4627]

@@ihatewonderwall4843 same here

[@katagenesis]

I saw this book on my mom’s desk and I was like “ah shit, here we go again.”

[@hmph3262]

I found a fifty shades book.

[@Dunsiti]

I found a drawer in my moms bathroom filled with trashy romance novels. I have yet to confront her.

[@cthulhuhoops]

@@Dunsiti Nothing wrong with romance novels.

[@Dunsiti]

Krist S. I meant trashy erotica lol

[@edwardevans5759]

@@Dunsiti Nothing wrong with trashy erotica either. Hell I'm quite a skilled erotica writer and some of my work could even be considered trashy, but the people that have read my stories are usually very entertained by them and if they were entertained then the work stands on its own merits.

[@heliopyre]

"why couldn't it have been more consensual?" consent is a nebulous idea in E.L.James writing. I see your Thames and raise you an Arkansas

[@KrimsonRogue]

Lol, touche.

[@sagecolvard9644]

@@bokrugthewaterserpent3012 I hate that that's a real place. I swear the Welsh are just fucking with us.

[@odd-eyes9463]

I actually had a great aunt that I've never met -passed before I was born - and her name was Arkansas and she pronounced it Ar-Kansas. I wish I was kidding

[@aaljustaal1890]

@@odd-eyes9463 Great Aunty Ar-Kansas is the only person and pronunciation I trust

[@Neon_Swing]

Sage Colvard Wales isn’t real.

[@kikiblair5132]

Suffering from hyper sexuality myself, I can tell you that it's terrible and can put you in a lot of bad situations if you don't know how to handle it. Also I'm letting my players know that you're the reason that they're going to have to deal with an NPC named Wrinklespank Upperbottom.

[@erickgoins9199]

Krimson is like the English teacher/professor I wish I'd had. If he were to do a tour and it ended up simply being a literary analysis course I'd be there in a heartbeat. The man starts with "holy shit this is the most boring thing ever" and churns out two hours of riveting content. That is a hell of a skill.

[@KrimsonRogue]

Lol, thanks! That's a glowing review! :D

[@katierasburn1093]

The Gothic Introvert right?? I’d love to have him critique something I wrote so I could improve

[@Wistful77]

@@KrimsonRogue See? We think about you even when we're not on your channel! :) Your work has made an impression upon us.

[@MadeOfConfusion]

@@katierasburn1093 omg same, that would be an honor

[@soapyteethmcgee7324]

He just sits onstage with a book and rants about it for two hours. I'd see it.

[@starsshinedarkly77]

"I felt more thrills the last time I misplaced my keys"

[@darkthunder301]

@@ceolmund7835 **flashbacks of misplacing thumb drive** ...yeah

[@faithgerdes6730]

hi justin

[@cab47attacks]

I just about died at that part.

[@1Thunderfire]

Well, misplacing things like keys can be pretty scary.

[@augustusrookwood4993]

I once saw "The mister" in a book store in between Shakespeare and Les miserables in the classical literature section, and I had never been more offended and choked with laughter in my life.

[@ps1hagridoufofcharacter]

i saw it in a supermarket next to questionable-quality store brand ice cream

[@peachtea7269]

@@ps1hagridoufofcharacter right where it belongs

[@oddluck4180]

@@ps1hagridoufofcharacter They knew their target audience with that placement.

[@suezuccati304]

maybe someone put it there as a practical joke

[@theinternetscaresme1724]

i found it on display right next to Twilight on the English Learning section overshadowing Agatha Christie’s books and honestly that’s says a lot

[@SuperEekie64]

How to pronounce Anatoli: 1:28:57 Anatalie 1:28:57 Anthony 1:29:34 Anatoli ✔️ 1:30:00 Antanoli 1:32:00 Antolini 1:31:04 Antolino 1:34:59 Analoni 1:39:22 Analonia 1:40:10 Antoine 1:40:46 Abernathy 1:42:24 Android 1:42:39 Abloid 1:42:58 Abalabathy 1:43:37 Abalabadingdong 1:43:51 Argon the Terrible 1:53:34 Anatoli ✔️ 1:54:22 Antoinette

[@biancab9092]

omg YES!!! I kept hearing different names, and it took me until "Android" to realize what he was doing! Thank you for writing this out so I can enjoy each of them at leisure!!!

[@dirkjehovah4731]

@@biancab9092 same, this is my favorite running gag of krim’s.

[@Gearhead221]

Here's a fun game: come up with more of your own! I'll start with Alabaster, Anathema, Anesthetic, and Abalone.

[@safala]

@@Gearhead221 Arithmetic, Algebra, Arthropoda, Alabastard, Alabama, Anthony

[@thebigsida6645]

I went through these just now and his deadpan delivery fucking killed me I could not stop laughing. thank you for this

[@lauryn8766]

“Doink the Daily” Far better alternative title for this book

[@milkglassfairy7641]

Honestly I’d pick up that book lol and it could be set in a time where that word was more commonly used and it could be kinda humorous... but erotic... in a comedic way. Idk. It could be entertaining. EROTIC COMEDY. Let’s make that a thing.

[@bonniea8189]

@@milkglassfairy7641 I think that's what this review is.

[@NachoCheeseDorito-Kun]

If only there were actually enough erotic scenes to fit that title XD

[@carloshernandez2561]

However there needs to be enough comedy that the reader cant get into it.

[@definitelyadarkangel9225]

@@milkglassfairy7641 a new take on the lusty argonian maid

[@hannahluden2245]

"Sunstone is basically 50 Shades of Grey done correctly, and with lesbians." Alright, well I'm hooked.

[@Aurakyuki]

Hannah Luden I hate to comment just one word but... same

[@averyramskill678]

It's such a good comic! The writer for it is doing Harleen, a short series, as well for DC!

[@chloemarso1778]

Gentlemen, you had my curiosity, now you have my attention.

[@keo549]

You should absolutely read it, the author/artist is incredible (he also has several other series, and his wife has a few good series as well)

[@Grim_Sister]

So much better! Try Mercy. Same creator, from the prospective of a different couple

[@dappermancer]

E L James has always been an inspiration to me because when I was around 15, I said “I can write better smut than this” and so I started writing fanfic Five years later, and I’m still writing, but I’ve moved onto my own characters and am currently in the process of writing a book, so... Thanks E L James!

[@pikapower_kirby]

Good luck with the book! I've also got one in the works and reviews of terrible writing really help me (and not just in the sense that there are horrible books out there so I should have more confidence!)

[@ysucae]

excellent character motivation

[@lainhikaru5657]

Amen! The first experience I had with EL James was 50 shades. I've been in a couple relationships with people into bdsm and I can tell they were all offended by her books. Like,of course during horny times I'd be mean with my sub,but guess what? During most of the day we would be having normal conversations about very mundane things. Christian Grey is a psycho though. He mentally abuses Anastasia when he's not physically abusing her. And i may be wrong because it has been so long since I read,but I don't remember a single mention of a safe word.

[@Dreigonix]

+Lain Hikaru They do establish a safeword, but Grey often guilt-trips Ana for using it and punishes her for forgetting it.

[@geekygamez3879]

I love how terrible books inspires readers to write better stories. 😁

[@easternlights3155]

A few notes about writing multilingual people: - we don't generally mix languages within a single statement. At least in my case, the languages are so different it would actually be harder for me to switch into my mother tongue for a phrase I don't remember than to either figure it out or describe it in the "foreign" one - a common thing is forgetting completely mundane words - also translating idioms that don't really make sense in the language - *not whatever el James did in this book*

[@datguy5272]

In shows and stuff I see a lot of foreign characters switch into their native for simple words like yes or no, but is that as common in reality as it is in shows?

[@easternlights3155]

@@datguy5272 I will not claim that it never ever happens, since I don't know every bilingual person on this planet, but I've never done it or witnessed it. "Yes", "no" and so on are the easiest to commit to memory and very soon become pretty automatic. What happens often is forgetting how to say "train", stuttering and instead saying "the fast thing that goes on rails". What movies and tv shows tend to get right though is swearing. I tend to switch to my first language when swearing and I know a lot of people who do.

[@datguy5272]

@@easternlights3155 thanks for the information man

[@ps1hagridoufofcharacter]

@@datguy5272 as a bilingual i find it happens a lot more when surprised or in great emotion. for example when i bump into someone on the street i would instinctively say 'sorry' in my first language instead of english even though i'm abroad. 'yes' and 'no', as eastern lights mentions, are pretty basic words that are often the first ones you remember when learning a language and don't really slip out that often - or, completely opposite, slip out the most BECAUSE they're so basic. (it's kind of like with maths; the more complicated things you learn the more difficult the basics might become, at least in my experience). it's probably also different for everyone - if a person is more prone to anxiety or something they might be more likely to slip into their mother tongue etc.

[@datguy5272]

@@ps1hagridoufofcharacter never thought about complicated stuff making the basics harder, but that makes sense. Thanks for the comment PS1 Hagrid

[@lemonywater2979]

Hello, yes, Albanian person here! Kind of embarrassed that my country would be brought up in this goddamn awful book, but I just wanted to say a couple of things. 1. Ah yes, when I look at the sea, I go "Deti! Deti!". In the same way, when I saw this book, I went "Mbeturinë! Mbeturinë! Na faltë Zoti për këtë harxhim të kotë të pemëve!" No bilingual person ever randomly starts speaking their mother tongue if no one in the group speaks it. 2. Human sex trafficking is a really big deal in Albania. I'm not one to get upset at most things, but it pisses me off a bit how badly it's portrayed in this book. This book can't do fun and sexy scenes right, and it definitely can't do dark and serious topics any justice. ESPECIALLY when a lesser known culture is involved. Why would the author even try? It's ignorant.

[@cw2010]

Not Albanian here but it seriously pisses me off that female characters from eastern Europe in western media are 99% of the time; -a prostitue -a criminal -sex trafficking victim -or combo of the above And the serious topic it brings are usually not explored properly :/

[@lemonywater2979]

@@cw2010 Might have something to do with the fact that most western writers just look at Eastern Europe in a very superficial way. The way Alessia was portrayed in this... it's so weird. It's like someone's third attempt at a believable OC, where the writer just picked a remote country that no one can complain about if she's inaccurate. Alessia must live in an isolated part of Albania, because I haven't seen nor heard of anyone abiding by Kanun laws in the last few decades, because they are fucking awful for women. However, it still exists in parts of Albania isolated by mountains, where horrible shit like blood feuds (gjakmarrje) also exists. A girl brought up in that environment would not have the education, nor the talent she has. She would only know to cook, clean, bear children for her husband and be basically a servant to him and his family. If anyone wants a better view of how terrible Albania was/still is in some places for women, Migjeni portrays it perfectly in his 2 books. Amazing researcher Robert Elsie would also be a far, far superior choice. LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE WOULD BE BETTER

[@HattiesVlogs]

I'm not even Albanian but it really feels like EL James just randomly picked Albania up from a list of countries off the Internet and decided to use it just because.

[@lemonywater2979]

@@HattiesVlogs That's because she definitely did. EL James probably went to Albania on holiday because it's dirt cheap, and then thought to herself "This is a small enough country of non-English speakers that won't give me too much flack if I portray a totally inaccurate view of their culture. It's basically free childhood trauma for my character, and it doesn't even have to make sense". :D

[@SoWhosGae]

Also weird af she has never seen the sea tbh considering how small Albania is and her travelling to the UK. Esp in these days. At least in my opinion.

[@largerooster587]

I love James' writings because she talks about EVERYONE'S favorite things! Abusing trafficking victims and dehumanizing women into complicit vessels for sex. Amazing how we can so clearly see the author's fetish for submission turn itself into a sick envy of sexual victims and traumatized dependents.

[@samkuperman9035]

I once read someone theorize that, considering EL James’s track record of being controlling and awful to the people around her, it’s really the male love interests in her books that are the self insert and not the POV character. Feels relevant to this tbh lol

[@Galvion1980]

I know, right? that woman is as disgusting as she is talentless

[@wolfbones666]

You're a poet.

[@TheLuckySpades]

The fanfic predating Masters of the Universe (which was turned into 50 shades) was from the male perspective and apparently was the inspiration behind Grey, which is 50 Shades from Christian's perspective

[@DarthBigBen]

I seriously wonder if she’s ever heard of Gor.

[@semisentientchainsaw]

Whenever the name of Alessia's kidnapper changes I immediately imagine a switch out to an entirely different actor playing him with no warning whatsoever.

[@punchyboi6915]

Honestly that would make the best live action sic com

[@nariathedorklord6262]

You know, E L James writes books that would be better as WARNINGS rather than romance. 50 shades? Great warning for abuse. This book? Great for warning predatory behavior. As romances? THESE BOOKS ARE POTENTIALLY HARMFUL. Who sees this as romantic? It's disturbing!!

[@velvetsparrow]

30+ soccer moms

[@Grinnerz1]

People who see the Twilight series as romantic?

[@heroofthewinds7765]

If E.L James had just written these as sexual fantasies for women, and not something to emulated in real life, they'd be fine. But E.L. James seems to genuinely this this is romantic and her work has brainwashed people into thinking the same, so yeah, fuck her.

[@agquad]

James is a genuinely dangerous and creepy person. This work and 50 Shades are a threat to its more ignorant readers.

[@sirramic202]

@@agquad Lmao dude its porn for women. Thats like saying "pornhub is a threat to the less ignorant because they will fuck their step sister who is stuck in the dryer"

[@MareeSirius]

My favourite scene from The Master is the one where Maxim gives her an umbrella and she’s so freaking happy! “Master gave Dobby an umbrella, Dobby can be dry now!” I quit after 101 pages. Fuck that book. Thank you for reading and reviewing this!

[@stuffandalsootherstuff]

loool nooo Dobby deserves better than that

[@DarthBigBen]

I hate Harry Potter, but not even Dobby deserves that.

[@olivia7438]

"I'm gonna lose so many subscribers" me: *after pressing the subscriber button* am i joke to you?

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

There's an audience for rape romance. There's an audience for erotic thrillers. There's an audience for anti-erotica. There's an audience for cautionary tales. ...This seems like it's trying to be one of those but can't decide which. Who's this for? Also: the idea of vampires originated in Albania. Stephanie Meyer's inspiration for writing Twilight was supposedly a dream about a perfect woman falling in love with a perfect vampire. 50 Shades of Grey was originally a Twilight fanfiction. That means James owes her entire writing career to Albania. With that in mind, she seems to have an extremely low opinion of Albania.

[@maggiebee1005]

As an Albanian , I don't want her to owe her writing "career" to us . Keep that shit planets away pls .

[@emptyaccount9821]

Love that

[@mrhotpinkbanana1081]

@Oxygen Destoroyah They dont want to be raped they want it rough and confuse it with rape.

[@Moony1568]

Rape and romance don’t belong in the same sentence.

[@Moony1568]

Oxygen Destoroyah some people have a rape fetish and I’ll never understand why.

[@mjrhmekssh]

OK but what confuses me the most is... She's Albanian and has never seen the sea? The author knows that Albania's left border is basically only a coastline right? I mean OK maybe she never left the house, but hell even I've seen at least the north sea before and I'm German.

[@blueshell292]

Ok that really doesn’t count, it’s after all a staple for Germans to have spent most of their youth's holiday breaks at either the North or Baltic Sea, to the point where you never wanna go there in your adult years again... But I still agree.

[@michiganscythian2445]

I’m also curious about all the snow in Albania. Granted, there’s the Dinaric Alps (I was in the Dinaric Alps in northern Croatia in late March and there was plenty of snow) but they’re just north of Greece. It’s a Mediterranean climate, even inland.

[@sin3358]

@@michiganscythian2445 not much of it. It's quite a warm place. So much there's a lot of fires these past few years during summer

[@filmandfirearms]

@@sin3358 Essentially, surprising absolutely no one, E. L. James doesn't even know basic geography. She probably thinks all of eastern Europe is like Russia. That being said, much of western Russia, like Saint Petersburg, has a climate more similar to the northwestern US. It's really only once you get as far east as Moscow or Tula where it starts to get particularly cold, and even then, it's not that bad outside of winter

[@voilvelev6775]

@@michiganscythian2445 Albania is next to Macedonia and Serbia, close to Bulgaria. It snows here. Given, due to climate change there's significantly less snow nowadays than when I was a kid 25 years ago, but it still snows. Hell, it even snows in Greece some years. I think westerners imagine mediterranian climate as ''tropical''. Its not.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

All hail the noise bringer! May his Majesty always interrupt filming with unnecessary noises off camera! All hail he who brings the noise!

[@notmocka]

HAIL

[@petehill7280]

HAIL.

[@ej4j4i38wGwgeb8]

HAIL SPACEFISH

[@ninafloyd18]

HAIL

[@alextheglitch1101]

All hail Ash. we should make r/imsorrykrimson to honor him

[@halfpintrr]

One of the best opening lines: “Let’s start with the end of the world, why don’t we? Get it over with and move on to more interesting things.” N. K. Jemisin

[@jonchilders7363]

My favorite is this: "A long time ago in a dimension far, far away there was a collective of midgets fighting over a hummus snack, who have nothing at all to do with our story, which really begins in a small and very unhygienic bedroom in what humans call 'New York'. -George Miller. Francis of the Filth

[@pikapower_kirby]

Whatever book this is, I think I'm gonna have to read it now...

[@halfpintrr]

Pikapower Kirby The Fifth Season. It’s really fucking good.

[@RAFMnBgaming]

"Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches. Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans. And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, one girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything. Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone-about it, a terribly stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever. This is not her story." -Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[@Galvion1980]

OOOOH! mentioning an actual writer in an E.L. James review! You are summoning a guardian spirit!

[@GloomyFish]

Since you've been reviewing fanfic-level books, I'm wondering when you're going to dive right into fanfic territory and review My Immortal.

[@anarchomando7707]

@@satireknight look up Moon daughter it's the My Immortal to the Percy Jackson Community

[@nessyness5447]

i haven't read that fic " My Inmortal" but..i have a feeling that is good i didn't.

[@anarchomando7707]

@@nessyness5447 Mister internet historian did it so much better

[@haydenpatterson4720]

It's shit. The pacing is the worst, the grammar is the worst, and the sentence structures are not disguised at all. On top of all of that bad writing, the author had or has the worst possible taste in music: she writes in the Good Charlotte was playing at Hogsmeade and writes in that Draco Malfoy was wearing a Simple Plan shirt at one point.

[@sleepysera]

@@haydenpatterson4720 Well most of the internet is convinced that it is *deliberately* bad (though I've seen equally horrible writing from people who I sadly know were serious). Also, why you gotta drag the bands just because of the author? 🙃 I like most of the music she mentions. It doesn't belong in Harry Potter, but that's true for 99% of things she writes about (guns, satanism, sex, etc.).

[@lastquarter3992]

Oh boy, now this is interesting. Not only did E.L. James write another trash book but she decided to talk about the Balkans and specifically Albania. Well, I just so happen to be Albanian so I will update this post about the foolishness this book offers for your own enjoyment!

[@lay5395]

Google translate always translates stuff into overly formal speech. I can always tell when somebody used translate to say stuff in German (I'm German) because google makes everything sound like an ancient German vampire at a job interview 😂

[@lastquarter3992]

@@lay5395 It must be absolutely hilarious to witness 😂 Just ancient German vampires hanging around and looking for jobs

[@gaga.markez]

From the perspective of an italian with many 2 generation albanian friends, I was able to tell this book was gonna be bad with representation for the start, but thanks for the added context, it really helped, since i don't know albanian traditions that well but hey we're still neighbours, so i get how hurtful it is when someone butchers your colture that way P.s. i see the adriatic sea everyday too ehe

[@lastquarter3992]

@@gaga.markez Yw, I'm glad this was of interest to others! Tbh, I'm not really upset or what, it's just funny to me. I would never have expected anything good to come out of EL James's hands lol Also, lucky you! I live abroad as my parents are some of the many many Albanians that left the country after communism fell so I don't get to see the Adriatic often! Please enjoy it for me too ;)

[@gaga.markez]

@@lastquarter3992 i will for sure, hope you're having a great life in your new home (btw it is funny when ppl mess up ur coulture so bad but sometimes it's just sad cause literally a google search would've settled it! Also i'm of the opinion that if u wanna write ab other languages or coltures you should get some kind of sensitivity reader, a native to tell you what you did right or wrong, cause there is so much that google trad doesn't cover)

[@beetljam792]

*krimson:* slow build *me, a veteran fanfic reader:* _slow burn_

[@jellybean1528]

At least those are good slow burns with tension that keeps you engaged

[@andreas_iced8297]

_slow burn, enemies to lovers_

[@m.b3839]

@@andreas_iced8297 *that's the good shit*

[@anarchomando7707]

@@m.b3839 200k words tell first kiss

[@nessyness5447]

@@m.b3839 those are fun with all the bickering between the characters.

[@OneTrueBelmont]

One of the best opening lines to a book I've read was something by Jim Butcher:"The building was on fire and it wasn't my fault."

[@kaydwessie296]

Now THAT'S a first sentence that'd get me to keep reading

[@lowwwgan]

I read that one but I can’t for the life of me remember the title, I agree though, I was pretty much instantly engaged with that line alone

[@NotAFighterALover16]

I don't believe him lol

[@OneTrueBelmont]

I can't remember the title either but I think it's the book where he gets his dog.

[@OneTrueBelmont]

That's an awesome starter!

[@chadschmaltz9790]

He should read The Troll. It's about a woman getting into a relationship with an internet troll. It's bad.

[@23Koneko]

Is that the one where the girl's dad shows up and the guy pulls a machine or shot gun out of no where?

[@who_the_fuck_is_riley5813]

Oh my God yes please. Jenny Nicholson did a video on it, I think.

[@23Koneko]

@@who_the_fuck_is_riley5813 She did that's where I heard about it.

[@DerVasto]

Did she get trolled?

[@cassualtea2040]

@@DerVasto plot twist she was rick rolled

[@creepypastapudding3531]

I worked at a bookstore when this book was announced, I misread the title of the bad black and white photocopy of the cover I was given as 'The Miser' and I briefly thought EL James wrote an erotic story of a woman falling for a modern day Ebenezer Scrooge and changing his cold heart through love and mostly sex.

[@oddbaii6322]

Probably would’ve been more interesting

[@KM-hv1jg]

“You there, boy! What day is it?” “Why, it’s Let’s Fuck Thursday!” “Let’s Fuck Thursday? Then I haven’t missed it!”

[@queenfighterfly3888]

I mean that sounds pretty close to what happened anyway.

[@kreatona4219]

Ok but now I really want that book/movie

[@NiBelangrijk]

I need this book though

[@kayundae4411]

What really sucks is that I’ve actually read engaging and beautifully written fanfics that have actually made me cry... And then E L James comes in with her rewritten Twilight fanfic and it makes me sad.

[@midgetwthahacksaw]

Same

[@sw3602]

thing is, fanfiction is not inherently bad or cringy. it can be just as good as, or better than, 'actual' books. it's just 'writers' like E L James that give fanfiction a bad name

[@midgetwthahacksaw]

@@sw3602 Well said!

[@kayundae4411]

Maisy Peris I used to be a fanfic writer from the age 12-16. Were they terrible? Hell yes they were. But it helped as people would give constructive criticism or give praise. It gave me confidence and gave me a safe place to post anonymously while I improved my writing until now I’m in the middle of a first draft for a novel. Writing fanfiction gave me as much passion as published books to study English. No way would I ever just rewrite a few names and then try and publish them, that’s what it feels like when I see quotes from Fifty Shades let alone this The Mister. If I would see any fanfiction author published, George Devalier would be my first choice. He could honestly write something original and I would read it in a heartbeat.

[@nimblewick7540]

“Beautifully written fanfics that have actually made me cry...” I see you too have read the Hat Fic!

[@bthsr7113]

Don't blast Krimson for not knowing the lives of British, "nobility," Blame E. L. James for not doing proper research before publishing this snooze fest.

[@lemonywater2979]

She didn't do proper research on literally anything in this book, so of course Krimson is confused. I'm Albanian and I'M confused.

[@qrowbranwen8698]

@@lemonywater2979 I desperately need to know how Albania is doing these days after listening to this review....

[@lemonywater2979]

@@qrowbranwen8698 If anyone from Albania worked hard enough to learn English, I don't think they'd be wasting brain cells on reading this book tbh. Maybe that's why EL James chose a small, non-English speaking country... there's virtually no backlash. Hmmmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔

[@Vely1]

@@lemonywater2979 The Albanian ambassador in London criticised the book for it's portrayal of his country. But the worst part is that she claims she had travelled to Albania for research and still wrote it as being stuck in the 1800s.

[@lemonywater2979]

@@Vely1 Wow, really? Was this book that famous? I was under the impression that EL James was only famous for 50 Shades. I can see bits and pieces of the truth in Alessia's character. Just by that, I know what EL James learned in Albania. The sad thing is she just wanted us to feel pity for Alessia's hard life in this toxic environment (which definitely still exists in isolated parts of Albania), but also be impressed with her knowledge and education. You really can't have both.

[@BitterSimplicity]

"The song always reminded Alessia of her childhood. It was those early piano lessons that had led to the diagnosis of her synesthesia; like many children, she resisted lessons with a baseless but determined stubbornness, her fleeting attention span a bane to both herself and the stout, salty woman that taught her scales twice a week. But unlike other children, she would often complain about the nauseating yellows and browns each misfingered key produced, eventually leading to tedious doctor's appointments where adults would speak in hushed, serious tones, glancing at her over their shoulders as if she had done something awful. Alessia had never thought her condition abnormal, nor even thought about it at all, until it had a name, and suddenly the reality she had taken for granted became more of a curse. Something wrong, even ugly, even if it wasn't really hurting anyone. Her mother insisted she continue playing piano, but she became so obsessed with trying not to see the colors that her skills only deteriorated, leaving Alessia frustrated and sullen. But then one boring, cloudy Wednesday, as she crossed the threshold of her teacher's living room towards that dreaded piano, something changed. Rather than the usual silence, she was greeted by a teasing, lilting melody, wrapped in sharp, icy silvers and blues like fluttering sheets of ice, a river frozen yet flowing, pulling her towards the source. In all her eleven years of life, Alessia had never encountered a loveliness that made her very heart ache in her chest, a beauty that made her feel as if she might die were it to stop. Her teacher, a woman that had rarely spared so much as a kind word, seemed softer as she poured herself across the keys, drawing more of those wavering, wintry blues with every gentle press of ivory. The woman spared her a sideways glance and said, "I do not know what you see when you hear music, but judging by the look on your face, it must truly be wonderful." In that moment, Alessia realized that synesthesia was a gift--or it could be--and begged her teacher to let her play. She left that day smiling, humming that song and feeling sorry for all the people who would never be able to see the world as she did. Although her teacher still rarely said more than, "Wrong. Start again," since that day, whenever Alessia seemed particularly down or frustrated she would play that song again, Les jeux d'eaux à la Villa d'Este, and the magic would return." There. I haven't read the book, don't know dick about the character's actual history, but I've just established a genuine, emotional connection to the song AND two key plot points of her past.

[@gracekelley2907]

Your prose is lovely, please tell me you write professionally, or at least recreationally. Because I would read a novel of this.

[@BitterSimplicity]

Grace Kelley Thank you! I am a writer, but sadly not a professional. Not yet, anyway!

[@cw2010]

That was very beautifully written, do you publish your writing anywhere?

[@BitterSimplicity]

Cecil W I do have a book that I self published, but it was quite some time ago so it’s not as polished as my current works. ^^; I’m really grateful for the compliments, I honestly just threw that comment out as a goof.

[@cake4462]

@@BitterSimplicity whats the name of the book?! your writing is awesome

[@IOxyrinchus]

If Onion Boy has written a more engaging book than you, then you have officially failed as a writer.

[@ohshit4860]

"ONION BOY" JEEBUS

[@ohohothisrocks]

Onion boy has always written engaging books, but those 'engaging' books are nothing but an excuse for his own narrow minded philosophical dribble. It's a fun trainwreck filled with hypocrisy and fallacies if you don't take his book seriously

[@adlilzafri2322]

@@ohohothisrocks So his book basically falls in the category of so bad it's good

[@coneyislandqueen476]

they’re engaging because he has to include a school shooting in every book and you’re also intrigued because they’re like a car crash that you can’t look away from

[@victoriashevlin8587]

And to think she's legitimately published...🤦‍♀️

[@foxhoundkat3295]

*The woman I love has been kidnapped by a abusive man* Better go shopping! 🛍️

[@epoillaKory]

Protagonists Be Shopping

[@samanthabond3772]

Hey, it's still better than My girlfriend is inside a school and an active shooter is also inside the school. Better put on my roller skates

[@lainhikaru5657]

Priorities 101

[@robinlaceishere]

Who keeps letting this woman near a publishing company

[@evies.1018]

Rith Trelin Probably Satan himself

[@Speederzzz]

Aww, shizz, E.L. James escaped again! Quick, close the gate to the Publishers!

[@Tamaki742]

Well, sadly, it makes money.

[@moustik31]

uh because she is a blockbuster writer (at least she was a one hit wonder). although I'm surprised her books get published without more editing. what's happening inside publishing houses? are they in such a financial dire place that they cant afford some proper re-writing sessions? why isn't her agent doing something at least? E. L. James need some serious ghostwriting input and I'm surprised her fans dont complain more 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@Tamaki742]

@@moustik31 Not trying to be rude here, but the demographic she's aiming isn't necessary critical about what they're reading. But regarding the lack of editing, I'd like to forward you to Folding Ideas' Lukewarm Defense of Fifty Shades of Grey (the movie). It went really in depth into the movies, like how the first one is actually decently made with real creative drive from the director, the screenwriter, the costume designer, the editor, the cinematographer, the actors and actresses, etc. only to be bogged down by how terrible the source material is, how James is just generally resentful at attempts to edit or change the script, how the movie just kept going downhill because the director and screenwriter of the first one got fired because James threw a tantrum, so they're replaced with her husband and the director of Glengarry Glen Ross (which should have brought the movie to the level of decent, but surprise surprise), and how the movie studio basically relented because... Money.

[@Veryy_Victoriaa]

The raging about how he’s ring shopping while his soon-to-be fiancé is kidnapped was gold.

[@Pablo360able]

One minor nitpick: The world's most successful fanfiction author is still Neil Gaiman.

[@sugarveins]

And a damn good one, at that.

[@elisinwonderland1306]

Ineffable husbands for the win

[@chibiy1913]

Why did this comment make me cry? (Probably because of how true it is.)

[@VictorGuterres-kl9im]

My favorite author since i was a kid.

[@Safer7Sephiroth]

That's a funny way of spelling Karen Traviss

[@vihaze6725]

Everyone: It isn't possible to write a more dull, unlikable, misogynistic pig than Christian Grey. E.L James: Hold my drink.

[@cidevant002]

"Don't worry, I will be quick" Literally no one wants to hear that on bed, James.

[@TravisBroski]

Candy Von Bitter I would if a James character was with me

[@RAFMnBgaming]

"Good, I have a dentist's appointment in half an hour"

[@HattiesVlogs]

That made me laugh more than it should have ....

[@TravisBroski]

Hattie's Vlogs Hey baby, I love you, I have 180 seconds to get my shit off

[@beepbeep6200]

Christ, she's setting up a 50 Shades Cinematic Universe. If this is where the Earth is going, I'll get off now please.

[@fandomcringebucket]

Not with this book, friend.

[@AstralMarmot]

Unfortunately you'll have to wait another 150 pages before you can get off.

[@FalonGrey]

Just wait until they have their biggest crossover in Erotica: Endgame that has a scene of Christian Grey standing next to Maximum and Edward, summoning a BDSM paddle to his hand, then calling out "PREDATORS....assemble."

[@oddbaii6322]

@@FalonGrey oh no-

[@dyedshirt3206]

e l james writes like shes trying to get a word count on an essay for high school

[@Locutus0fBorg]

"Yeet... Yii?" -small pause- "I'm calling him Bob."

[@animebutter1971]

Damn. I've seen better erotica on Wattpad and that's saying something

[@sanfransiscon]

@brandon roberts I wanna read it

[@NotAFighterALover16]

I love Wattpad lol great place to improve writing skills

[@animebutter1971]

@@NotAFighterALover16 I agree! I use the platform as well^^ and I'm not kidding there is actually pretty amazing erotica and books on there!

[@kaydwessie296]

I've legitimately read way better and more compelling Homestuck fanfiction

[@wannabehistorian371]

I think I’VE written better smut, and I suck at descriptions.

[@akuma4321]

krimson's a cute guy who has cats, owns a thousand books, and has no problems with tearing apart the plots of shitty books. he's basically the best man alive.

[@FalonGrey]

He's who 98.935829% of all romance novels are based on.

[@NotoriousLightning]

Indeed. He's a real Mister!

[@safala]

@@NotoriousLightning Please no

[@AudreyKey9653]

If these are your qualifiers, I suggest you look into Dominic "The Dom" Nobel. He reviews and analyzes books on his channel, plus he's doing a charity reading of The Mister right now.

[@NachoCheeseDorito-Kun]

KrimsonRogue and Dominic Noble are the kings of having cats, thousands of books, and making fun of E.L. James.

[@UnprofessionalProfessor]

You know it's bad when he opens with a defense of Onion Boi...

[@TheCherri306]

Unprofessional Professor don’t let Onion know. He doesn’t need anything else to stroke his ego

[@UnprofessionalProfessor]

@@TheCherri306 Preach, sister!

[@mistressdarkness7441]

Two of my coworkers who are married actually met because the wife had been trafficked by the family she worked for and her future husband was delivering mail and talking to her every day. She got sick one day and he took her away and took to the hospital. Human trafficking is far more common than it should be.

[@giraftlop7047]

Oh god talk about turning a blind eye.

[@awesomeMSE]

My sister is a social worker and she deals with a depressingly large amount of human trafficking victims that she has to help. We don't have the right to call ourselves a "Developed" society until we stop human trafficking, and I'm really glad Krimson did that little PSA to help spread awareness.

[@antisocialal4799]

@@awesomeMSE That’s why I believe America is not a first world country. It’s second to third. We aren’t treating our people right and first, it’s the elite first and then we get the scraps. Fuck capitalism.

[@Grim_Sister]

Television?! In Albania?! Why, next you'll tell me there is internet in Tel Aviv! Most unorthodox!

[@francesca1687]

GrimSister off topic but did you know that the country with the best internet infrastructure in the world is Rwanda

[@SoWhosGae]

@@francesca1687 And Albania is one of the top 10 countries for data use in the world, lol.

[@wannabehistorian371]

It always seems to be the weirdest, most random ones with good Internet. Rwanda, Latvia, Romania, Albania...

[@alkahina5458]

Im a german Software engineer. My company has a Location in Romania and i had a project in university With one. They all seem to have great language problems and lower education, but Well, they try their best.

[@Grim_Sister]

I live in Tel Aviv. I'm not saying we're the best in high tech, but we try. El James is just a giant snob and a condescending bitch. Most of these countries have low tax policies, which allow big companies like google, facebook and Ubisoft, to exploit them.

[@vraolet]

I love how French sounds fancy to other languages when "Les Jeux d'eaux à la Villa D'este" litteraly just means "Water games at D'este's Villa" In my French head, it basically means playing with water with the Bois at a fancy house.

[@erynlasgalen1949]

I have been to the Villa d'Este, and the fountains in the gardens kick absolute ass. Liszt is describing those fountains in his composition. And may I say that any pianist who can master a piece by Liszt needs years of serious piano study.

[@cassidylastname8844]

Oh man, this shit is so reminiscent of bad wattpad erotica. I can't believe this is a published book. God truly is rapidly ceasing to exist

[@Xehanort10]

EL James is a teenage girl in the body of a grown woman.

[@TheElf_Online]

I’ve read better bad Wattpad fanfiction that’s better than this.

[@Dragonatrix]

Bad wattpad erotica *also* become published books. Yep.

[@hmph3262]

A stolen past

[@leiferikson9884]

I’m just saying, I’ve read way better Wattpad erotica (and you know what FFN smut too) from UNDERTALE FANFICTION AND ANIME FANFICTION. And I haven’t read the book but from the rants I think that the fanfiction smut is better.

[@claytonmiller3345]

I never get more hyped than when I see a thumbnail of a book with a bunch of tabs on a plain background.

[@lunabearsong2043]

Your profile picture is the best! Hahahahahahaha!!

[@mothantics]

Krimson has stuffed animals on his bookcases Now that's soft boy energy

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

You know, all this pining and back and forth would be alright if James had considered the trafficking: Maxium: "Oh, I like this girl, but I don't want to make a move because she's had bad experiences- what if I scare her?" Alessia: "I want to be with this guy- he seems so nice... But so did *he* before all this happened!" And boom. Pining and back and forth makes sense, Maxium is more sympathetic, trauma is acknowledged and not fetishised, could even put some good messages out on how to learn to love again if you do a little research on how people have done it and then have characters do it- thereby actually making a positive difference with your writing by providing a role model to readers. Really wasn't all that hard, James.

[@NWolfsson]

I mean... would need a bit more development too, IMHO, rather than going from "I'm never touching her" to "Spongebob Squarepants is moist with her lady fluids" like you flip a pancake. But yes, acknowledging trauma at least would make the male character more likeable.

[@xLiLlyx98]

​@@NWolfsson Bro, your comment slapped me in the face like a thrown moistened spongebob pj bottom would

[@dudebucket60]

With the "sounds seen as colours" thing the female protag has, that could have been a great thematic element. A good opening line could have been "She found the colour of his voice strangely soothing" or "His voice was the colour of rage". I don't read erotica but either of those opening lines would make me curious enough to read a bit more. That wouldn't help the rest of El James writing but it would be an improvement. Edit: It could also be used as a hint at abuse, she may hate a certain colour because she associates it with Abalabadingdong or her father. So in the clothing store seen Max could suggest a top of that colour, and she could respond by freaking out, saying that she hates that colour. An overreaction in that situation could build character so much, an make Max less of a dick if he just puts it back without making a fuss. It could be made (slightly) more tragic if it's a colour that goes well with her natural skin tone and complexion. James really dropped the ball with that.

[@Aurakyuki]

Donovan Hall As excellent an idea this is, and how now this gives me a lot of inspiration, I think you're giving James too much credit that she had a ball to drop so to speak xD But seriously, thats a really clever thing I may use for a character in future.

[@dudebucket60]

@@Aurakyuki frankly the opening line, "she really had to fart" would have been better than what this book gave us. I don't doubt El James could write that.

[@kiram.3619]

Those are amazing suggestion, I especially like the edit. 😍

[@ForcedHandleName]

See, the problem is that El James doesn't have that kind of artistic ability. Great idea, but I think she would still find a way to mess that up.

[@odd-eyes9463]

I have a friend who plays volleyball and has synesthesia he loves it because when he or others hit the ball it literally bursts with a specific color and the color changes depending upon the hits and who does it. He became friends with a teammate because he thought the color of his voice was cool and they built a friendship around him and his friend practicing together so he could overcome the moments that the synesthesia got distracting during games and he and his girlfriend actually met because they both have it and she weirdly blurted out that the color of his voice matched his eyes and was pretty. He's planning to propose to her soon.

[@WolfGoddess77]

Ahh, the words that every girl wants to hear from her father: "My daughter is your problem now." Seriously, E.L. James, this is not a good profession for you.

[@turtleanton6539]

Yes it is she makes bank

There is a line from a Gor novel just like that. Father hands his daughter over to her new husband, who will treat her as his slave in the most sordid meaning of the word, and as she cries out for him he gleefully remarks he seems to hear a girl he doesn't know. Burning a stack of Norman novels was one of the more satisfying acts of my life.

[@awooingstops]

I will ask my dad to say this at my wedding.

[@queenb1119]

@@awooingstops When my husband was very young, he went to stay with his grandma for a few days. Every day she would tell him to put on a clean pair of underwear. When his dad came to pick him up and they got home, his dad realized at bath time that he had 4 pairs of underwear on. When he asked my husband about it, my husband said "well, she told me every day to put the clean ones on. But she never told me to take off the other pair." This story came out one night at dinner while we were dating. So on our wedding day, after my father walked me down the aisle, he leaned over and quietly asked my husband "how many pairs of underwear do you have on?" My husband started cracking up and I had no idea why. We had to wait for a minute until he finished laughing. During our reception he told me why he had been laughing. We still laugh about it, 18 years later! 😂

[@Around_blax_dont_relax]

I just googled her and she looks like Boss Nass from the Star Wars prequels. Its uncanny.

[@xrentabrainx]

As a volunteer for an anti Human Trafficking Organization I can honestly say without a doubt but Crimson is saying here is absolutely true there are more than 40 million people currently in human trafficking and its $150 billion industry so people he ain't lying.

[@kaydwessie296]

I haven't been trafficked but thanks for what you guys do

[@hana__banana]

This is scary...

[@xrentabrainx]

@@hana__banana i know

[@carlcarlington7317]

@@kaydwessie296 "I haven't been trafficked but..." Is officially my new catchphrase

[@kaydwessie296]

@@carlcarlington7317 LMAO good

[@irinakermong1217]

For those of you still wondering whether Alessia's sharpshooting skills are believable or not... Annie Oakley's targets were at 60 feet (or 18,288 meters) at most and she didn't miss a single one of those. For Alessia to get 50% of her targets at a 100 meter distance, when mathematically, it would be more than what Annie Oakley would be able to get (it would be less than 25% versus her 100% at 18,288 meters)... unless Alessia is an expert sharpshooter and not a first timer, it's literally impossible. That would mean she'd be better than a child prodigy who made an entire career out of it through her entire life and still practiced every day like Annie.

[@possummagic3571]

I lost it when Google translate read out that line in Albania! "My apologies to the entirety of Albania" 😂😂

[@hemmingwayfan]

1:26:22 Harry awoke with a start, his scar searing him for the first time in more than 20 years. "Something terrible has happened," he panted.

[@anathemat-002]

Of all the comments that I've read, this one is the one that took me out. I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time.

[@intertenera]

I got terrible flashbacks right now

[@ayyylmao101]

_Not again!_

[@leiferikson9884]

It was a sinus headache. Ginny was approaching the book, her pure blood curiosity getting the better of her. She was opening the book, her eyes slowly passing over the first words- “Ginny, don’t! It’s a trap-“ ‘/No. No./‘

[@cameronpeterson6734]

I love when Krimson not only roasts bad books, but he spends 1-2 hours going into detail

[@Speederzzz]

I'm pretty sure he'd explode if he didn't make a 2 hour long release of frustration.

[@RoryRichardBrown]

While im not a traffic victim, I am a CSA survivor with multiple instances of abuse. And while i personally am AroAce, i guarantee us trauma victims dont wanna have our trauma sexualized with the intention of it being a ego boost for the male lead 🙄

[@vin.de.camelia]

Overproducing a book/novel is a very real thing. E.L. James boasting about how she spent more time on The Mister versus Fifty Shades didn't impress me - it only triggered my warning signs. Some times taking TOO much time and attention to your book can lead to a dragging story, empty descriptions, and ultimately a bored audience

[@asenseofyarning5614]

Absolutely! Jean Auel made that mistake in spending... I want to say close to two decades on the final novel of her Clan of the Cave Bear series. So much of that book was just copy-paste of either a five page long creation myth poem or "this plant looks like ___ and can be used to cure ___ if you process it in the following long-winded manner." 20% of the book could have been chopped because it just kept repeating the same stuff incessantly.

[@desdes5622]

She wrote too much but edited much too little. I've always been told that good writing is heavily dependent on lots of careful editing.

[@1che3mau]

@@desdes5622 Definitely. Sarah J Maas has the opposite problem where she's bragged that she churned out a book in the span of a week and reading some of those books, you can tell bc the work is hardly edited and there's a great deal of it that's pointless and unnecessary. Careful editing may not have fixed all the issues (considering both SJM and ELJ are both mediocre writers) but it would have greatly improved the work. But neither of them are receptive to criticism, oh well.

[@jpelletier03]

It seems as if EL James keeps publishing her first drafts. She has ideas, plots, that circle around and then just disappear. She drops new things smack in the middle of the story and they feel so much like something she came up with exactly on the page where she wrote it. First drafts are supposed to be a mess. That's the foundation. That's where you get your story written. Subsequent drafts are where you smooth it out. Do a full re-write of that initial piece. Tuck all those loose threads neatly into the narrative, remove the babble, the unnecessary exposition, add to your characters' character, now that you have a firmer grasp on who they are. Find and fix or remove entirely those sections that don't-fucking-make-sense. But no. EL James is publishing . . . her . . . first draft.

[@TheLuckySpades]

You know that 50 shades went through at least 1 round of editing from the original fan fic to the book? Apparently the 2nd book was from chapters she was writing mostly just to have more output on her fanfic, they were a chronological mass and had so many dropped plotlines turned red herrings it looked like an eco disaster. Apparently the book cut out some, tied others together and reordered some of it. Source: Dominic Noble's and/or Folding Idea's fantastic series of videos on the series

[@blackhalo317]

Sadly, I think that the published draft might actually be a later draft . . . A “better” one. Imagine reading the original draft.

[@fightingmedialounge519]

Folding idea also points that original manisricpt wasn't worked on enough.

[@harmonicajay91]

Maxim cannot marry Alessia! He's supposed to marry his first cousin Lady Margaret Pennyfeather Winkleweather of Cheswick. Or something.

[@sharonspears-mandeville2369]

Oh,boy-It would definitely suck to be miss Lady Pennyfeather-Winkleweather of Cheswick right now.. Eh,besides-She was already seeing Rupert Blakenshire-I think?

[@punchyboi6915]

@@sharonspears-mandeville2369 no Rupert blakenshire is seeing Margret of thiseltire

[@MissCaraMint]

What is this? PG Wodehouse?

[@Tiger89Lilly]

Who's going to marry Allegra the Bishop of Winchester's niece?

[@harmonicajay91]

@@Tiger89Lilly It's going to be Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

[@purplehaze2358]

“Do not attempt this. Krimson is a professional moron.” Me, an elite moron: “That sounds like a challenge.”

[@jensanruby6739]

As a fanfiction writer myself I feel like I need to denounce EL James or something.

[@simonakatsman974]

Same. I'm gonna say I'm 10 times better than her published trash.

[@leiferikson9884]

At least the weird crack ones that have way too quick pacing you can put to early works on a public site. This was published. People went over this. She’s written books before. She has no excuse. I’ve written better lines before. I’m writing for fun and as a coping thing, sometimes. She does this as a job. Get a grip, E L James.

[@Toberumono]

Leaf Of a Tree Quick problem: Crack fics can be really funny if done well. El James is just bad.

[@leiferikson9884]

Toberumono Yeah. And mostly when crack is written, it’s to be absurd wild humor written in a random way. EL James sucks.

[@Toberumono]

Leaf Of a Tree Not entirely sure if this counts as a crack fic, but... fanfiction.net/s/12986165/1/A-Monster-s-Marriage It’s not written randomly, it’s a complete story, and it has certifiably the worst couple’s counseling session in history... actually, come to think of it, I’m pretty sure that the relationship necessitating counseling is healthier than anything El James wrote... Oh. Right. Crack fics don’t have to be short/purely random, I think? Honestly, I kinda distracted myself by reading the counseling session scene again...

[@ninelivesstealer]

Clearly Alessia fought in the Albanian Civil War as a child soldier, which is why she was so good at skeet shooting.

[@MotherofThePearls]

Maxium sees the main character's underwear because she's wearing pink bloomers and that's what I'm sticking to

[@celinak5062]

Very traditional, very old fashioned, victorian? Clothes kink??

[@暧昧-u8e]

What a cultured man; he reads erotica for the plot.

[@JackedThor-so]

Are we sure that E L James isn't actually a man and an incell? The weird sex stuff, the mysogony, and all self worth being placed on how "manly" and "alpha" you are versus how good of a person you are really starts to make sense.

[@andrewollmann304]

I assure you...she’s a woman. Usually, authors in the “harlequin romance” genre (just pretend...) write under pseudonyms because they know their work can be....distasteful in some peoples’ eyes (in James’ case, most peoples’ eyes).

[@marilu3173]

Noah Ariss Women can be incels and have toxic mindsets as well. 😬

[@lainhikaru5657]

Lol women can be incels too,though very,very rare.

[@thatswhatshesaid6743]

No you dum dum she’s a chad

[@Nockgun]

@@lainhikaru5657its common just not called out

[@buringplumbranches]

I have synesthesia and I kinna hate when (fanfic) writers use it to make their characters "interesting". It is hard for me to explain how music looks/feels to someone who doesn't have it, so someone who doesn't have it is trying to describe it, it's very irritating to me. Something isn't just "Orange", it's "Orange in a spicy way that also makes me think of certain flowers, and it moves like oil mixed into water, and it has the texture of a woven rug." Having synesthesia is a complicated experience....

[@onyxrose4349]

I'll be honest, synesthesia sounds so interesting and I wish I could understand it better. If I was ever going to write someone with it I would really need to have a long talk with people that actually have it. Seriously tho, how could you understand it if you don't have it? It's pretty obvious that EL James read the definition and that's all the research she did. I would love to hear any description you could give.

[@manicpixiefangirl4189]

Man, I hope you write, because that description is gorgeous! Better than anything el James farts out.

[@sierrajade7875]

And that’s infinitely more interesting than something just being orange. Even the color orange isn’t just orange, and music isn’t just music. Humans don’t think like that. A song is a feeling, it’s “driving through a city at night and you’re the only one on the road,” and that’s so much more interesting than just “it’s a pretty song.”

[@ashlee6675]

on god I read this comment before the part of the video where he mentions it I thought you were talking about the computer program and I was very confused

[@lolwhat4606]

you sound like you might have ideasthesia! I have both, synaesthesia for letters/numbers and colours and ideasthesia for letters/numbers with personalities - it's rly hard to explain but you definitely have much more than just synaesthesia. also: completely agree, ppl without synaesthesia talking abt it rly don't know how hard it is to explain and they talk abt it like it's super simple and rly, don't know abt what thought process they come to when thinking abt it, but brain hyperactivity is too insane to *explain*

[@ghostsngoths]

As someone who actually has C-PTSD (trauma) from events that occurred in childhood I can say for certain that I agree with your points about Alessia's trauma. I'm also a writer and I tend to write a lot about trauma in my poetry and prose. It's such a complex thing and can affect your sexuality horribly, in my case I have issues building lasting relationships with people due to trust issues and I am afraid to have romantic/sexual relationships. Despite my trauma not being caused by acts of sexual assault, I still have these issues. It absolutely pisses me off that E. L James is, in a way, downplaying the real effects of trauma. If I had just gotten done explaining my past traumas to a potential boyfriend and he immediately asked if he could kiss me, I would be so furious. I don't think James necessarily tried to sexualise/romanticise trauma ON PURPOSE, but it can certainly be interpreted that way by victims of trauma (like myself). I appreciate you talking about this!

[@GreatBooker]

You articulated this super well, thank you! I have C-PTSD too (similarly not from sexual trauma, but of course it still impacts my relationships of all kinds) so it means a lot to see a KZbinr I respect acknowledge that trauma shouldn’t be fetishized. I hope you’re finding peace and happiness where you can

[@ghostsngoths]

@@GreatBooker Same to you :)

[@MarcelWilsonLynch]

Omg this comment just reminded me! A similar thing happened in a Japanese drama I watched *it was horrible* and this girl was molested by her father for idk like 2 years? But she had repressed the memory. As she started to remember flashes of the trauma she would have anxiety attacks from touching people. When she finally remembered everything she told the love interest of the story and that same day he takes her back to his place, tries to kiss her. She resists and he still persists in kissing her and they hooked up if I remember correctly. Man that pissed me off. Why is impossible for media to have accurate portrayals of trauma and ptsd?

[@GreatBooker]

@@MarcelWilsonLynch Wow that's almost a comedically bad take on trauma. I'm so sorry you had to see it but I'm just... in awe of how bad that is? Like "yes let's hook up to because obviously people can be fixed by kisses from an attractive love interest! That's DEFINITELY a legitimate take on treating trauma!" Reminds me of a webcomic I read, in one comic one character says (sarcastically) "man I was kinda hoping you'd say wow it feels great to have that off my chest, let's have sex" and the other responds "if trauma were that easily dealt with psychologists would work pro bono"

[@MarcelWilsonLynch]

@@GreatBooker right? And I think I had to pause because I was so heated about it because she had JUST remembered everything about the trauma and prior to that would have anxiety attacks if someone so much as brushed against her on the street. But sure let's violate her consent and kiss her when she clearly doesn't want to. That's not triggering or anything🤦🏽‍♀️ and to tell you the truth the love interest was the most boring and dull Male lead I've ever seen😒 the funny thing is this isn't even the worst drama I've ever watched in terms of how trauma and abuse it treated

[@sanityplusmilkshakes]

EL James has enough unresolved Chekov's guns to start an army.

[@asalways1504]

All I've gotten from this book review is that E. L. James truly has neither a shred of originality nor creativity as a writer.

[@HoneyBabySarah]

Where are the editors?

[@asalways1504]

@@HoneyBabySarah Nowhere. She self publishes I believe.

[@HoneyBabySarah]

@@asalways1504 That would explain the complete lack of direction, research and common sense 🤔

[@wolftitanreading5308]

@@asalways1504 have you met her shes so narcissistic about it she got a ediot fired for trying to change stuff in fifty shafes of grey

[@Friggsdottir]

Alessia *cough* Anastasia Steele

[@katha-chan3410]

The whole piano thing actually could've been integrated into the plot well. He's got a piano. she's always loved piano music but couldn't play in her home environment. he notices her interest and allows her to play on the piano, maybe even teachers her/gets her a teacher when he realizes how much she likes it. and her synergy can come into effect there, with her picking it up very easily due to having a good 'feel' for it due to her color connection to it. That would a) add plot, b) add personality, c) add character development, and d) actually give the couple sth to bond over. Of course it'd be sth pretty basic, but sth doesn't have to be deep to work well.

[@Avellania]

My guess for the forbidden room: his ex-wives preserved Bluebeard-style

[@1che3mau]

Or a Jane Eyre style "hidden crazy wife"

[@folded_pizza]

No, it's his playroom; where he keeps his Xbox and stuff... 🙄

[@leonardogomez8812]

@@folded_pizza Dear God...

[@azaleaacevedo5124]

That’s the first thing I thought of!

[@maivaiva1412]

Legit what I thought too

[@Anna-tk7ui]

Every sane person: Noo! You can't just badly implement trauma and romanticize controlling and abusive behavior! EL James: Ha, ha, Maxim and Alessia go burrrrrrrr

[@theghostiesttoast8824]

Doitsu.

[@smileplease_91]

Is this also a RussianBadger nod? 👀

[@matchamelon330]

As someone with lotsa trauma, i am almost always disgusted with these books

[@bigdaddycoldcuts]

Ok so straight up. I listen to this literally every night. And end up falling asleep before I finish it. It's been a month. Each day I get like 2 minutes further. What I'm saying is, make more of these long reviews, they're better than ASMR and love them. One day I'll finish this.

[@skyblade7438]

I'm guessing you like the Theresa Saga.

[@bigdaddycoldcuts]

@@skyblade7438 never even heard of it before this, I'm just a sleepy boy with a penchant for book reviews.

[@skyblade7438]

Quinn I meant Krim’s 5 part book review of Empress Theresa.

[@Grim_Sister]

I’ve been falling asleep to Linkara’s rants for years. It’s not that Krim’s boring, but it’s soothing to listen to

[@zio4590]

@@skyblade7438 I always listen to them while playing Cuphead, haha.

[@hazydaze9921]

40:40 Not to defend this 'book', but she probably means the underwear can be seen through the white fabric of the housecoat. Most women would know not to make the mistake of wearing anything but beige or white underwear under white fabric.

[@vilwarin5635]

There was a trend when I was a teenager to wear a dark tong under white pants. Our school was very strict with the clothing rules, but it didn´t said anything about underwear colors, so many girls used that to be edgy

[@1Kitty19]

She could just say "I could see the soft pink of her underwear beneath the thin fabric of her housecoat" instead of making it so confusing >.

[@TheRonnieaj]

(Most white women) Not to be an ass, but one of the most humiliating incidents of my life came when a white woman pulled my shirt to the side in front of 100 kids to prove my bra was black, because she couldn’t conceive that white bras show up really starkly on Black people wearing white. I’m over 40 and haven’t owned white underwear since I was in elementary school.

[@hazydaze9921]

@@TheRonnieaj no, thank you for for correcting me. I actually put 'white underwear' there because I incorrectly assumed that would work for black women (most white women i know would wear beige). I should have given that a little more thought. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[@HP10000]

OR. She wore i backwards Hank Scorpio style.

[@Kit5une131313]

"...this is Sooo boring!" (Says it and starts a two hour review about it.) He is a little bit of a masochist, isn't he? :)

[@Dragonspoetofdeath]

yep, he is. Krim stated that in one of his onionroasters ;)

[@lunabearsong2043]

Yep, yep, yep! (Ducky's voice)

[@whatthehellisthis]

69 likes...

[@williamlieske4503]

Wig snatched,

[@bunnyandherstuff]

that bilingual mood when you just pause for 10 thousand years mid-sentence because you're trying to translate "chair" from chinese into english but you're stuck in the japanese one because you heard it in an anime once.

[@lotusthemermaid]

I'm both concerned for and side-eyeing E.L. James' husband if this is how she sees literally all men she deems desirable.

[@NotAFighterALover16]

That's an interesting point

[@elvellarambles9151]

I would side-eye Erika Mitchell (EL James) herself. The thing about 50 Shades (and Safe Haven before that), and now THIS book, is that Christian Grey (and Edward Cullen) and THIS guy are actually the author-self-inserts. The women are not the author-self-inserts, the men are. Look at it this way: these men are petty, controlling, unreasonable, utterly lack all self-awareness, and throw tantrums when they don't get their way from every single person in every little thing - all traits that are native to Erika herself. If anything, it's her husband whom I personally am concerned for. Fun fact: Erika Mitchell is the kind of person who was such a micromanaging asshole to the director and screenwriter for the first 50 Shades film that the script for the other two films was written by her husband Niall Leonard. Who submitted all his drafts for HER approval before they were shot.

[@moustik31]

huh hello, have you read any trendy erotic romance lately? it always makes me smile to finish an erotically cringy book and read the editor's note on the author: "X or J is happily married and living with her husband, children and pets in X or J American smalltown. she enjoys cooking and gardening". those American housewives are on fire. I wonder they whether or not they include those descriptions to reassure the reader and make her realise that there is nothing wrong with her. what happens in the book stays in the book and all that 🙄

[@lotusthemermaid]

@@moustik31 I actually don't read erotic novels at all personally. It's just not my thing. But I don't believe that E. L. James is a good enough writer to be subtle and refrain from making everything a self-insert. This includes her taste in men and her perspective on them.

[@lucyann1573]

I don't know what's up with El James except that she might super insecure. She seems to absolutely hate women, especially pretty women. Her female characters are either stupid and subservient or they're bad and wanna steal yo mans. There's a large amount of side-eye coming from my direction...