Handbook for Morons Part 1 | A Review of Handbook for Mortals by Lani Sarem

[@tespenkr9924]

A shelf of books, a throne of books, perfect hair management, and a cat? Is crimson the perfect Gary Sue?

[@a-mellowtea]

Either that or Book Jesus.

[@seafoam6119]

@@a-mellowtea book jesus was a type of Gary Stu. He literally was the son of god.

[@haggisa]

Sarah Tilgner Book Jesus, née Sue.

[@florlozana6289]

Yes

[@K.Marie119]

@@seafoam6119 Depends on which interpretation you're going with... ELCA maintains that Jesus and God are one and the same.

[@Zulf85]

"She's here for a quick action scene, then she disappears in a Lamborghini" Goals tbh

[@vleedingrainboom3618]

golden boy ep 1 i believe missed anime reference- was stoked that he chose fruitbaskets though one of my favorite. very inspiring at the time watched it many years ago.

[@Zulf85]

@@vleedingrainboom3618 have you seen the new fruits basket series? A total must imo - they're readapting the manga

[@birthdayfruitecake8158]

That's the life.

[@vleedingrainboom3618]

@@Zulf85 i have not actually, though i shouldn't be surprised everything is being remade these days. Almost like history is rewriting itself. Guess it is bored waiting on everyone to write their futures. 😅

[@starrynight7783]

Same

[@MireVale]

Quickly, I grasped the door handle quickly, and quickly realized quickly that I had forgotten to quickly move aside and proceeded to quickly hit myself in the face with the door quickly.

[@JaceSomers]

It's astonishing how I astonishingly managed to get astonished by just how astonishingly much worse a single sentence can astonishingly get by astonishingly repeating the same astonishing word and its astonishing derivatives. Astonishingly, that's astonishingly not to say that I have not astonishing done so here to astonishingly provide further astonishing examples, for, astonishingly, I have.

[@isdrakon9802]

@@JaceSomers this is one of my biggest pet peeves in reading

[@warriorwolvez]

I hate that you made me read this with my own two eyes

[@the_revi8762]

I thought I was having a stroke when I was reading those parts.

[@theskepticpirate156]

Reminds me of something Dante Basco did in that one Nostalgia Critic video. "You have dishonored the franchise and so have dishonored me. The time has come to reclaim my honor you dishonorably dishonored by honorably honoring my honorable honor."

[@jimblejambles7103]

“I’m not like other girls, I’m worse.”

[@erinsweeney3326]

“I’m not like other girls, I have multiple severe mental disorders”

[@woagnya]

“I’m not like other girls, I killed a man in ‘92.”

[@patrickfrost9405]

"I'm not like other girls, I have a penis." "... my best friend is Merlin. This is normal."

[@skeletonwar4445]

@@patrickfrost9405 Thanks Artoria.

[@mori5271]

Im not like other girls, im actually clinically insane

[@lesmiserabby4892]

Main character: *starts describing herself* My brain: HI MY NAME IS EBONY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY

[@christiancolon8748]

Get back, you Porterhead.

[@GOFFBITZH666]

STFGU U PREP!!!1!11!!!!

[@heavystalin2419]

Hi, my name is Johny, and welcome to Jackass

[@lcross796]

Sounds like every Episode story written by a 13 year old

[@GOFFBITZH666]

Nyaemal Hrruna ITZ TATA U PREP!!!1!!1!!!

[@PiratesRock]

This book is basically what happens if someone thought Terrible Writing Advice Videos on Mary Sue and love triangles were serious writing advice.

[@nohintshere]

iT'S THE *LOVE TRIANGLE*

[@apples6684]

BUT WHST IF WE ADDED A LOVE TRIANGLE

[@lacijuhos7613]

@@apples6684 THE TRIANGLE IS THE STRONGEST SHAPE

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Wait wait wait, there’s a video series called terrible writing advice?

[@lacijuhos7613]

@@jazwhoaskedforthis There is actually an entire youtube channel called that, you should check it out, it's hilarious

[@Max-gb9nz]

In the words of Caleb Joseph, the trees didn't deserve this.

[@Grumplebumple]

I keep half expecting that to pop up

[@suppasitsup]

"Trees died for this..." -krimsonrogue

[@meganfurtado6229]

@@Grumplebumple Binod

[@andershoffman7196]

The sad thing is that the idea behind it is actually really solid. An honest-to-God sorceress gets a job as a stage magician and has to use clever tricks and misdirection to hide her secrets not from the audience, but from her crew? That has a ton of potential. Wish that book could've been written by someone halfway competent instead of Lani Sarem.

[@Allison-qz5yr]

The Night Circus does this quite well, though the timeline is a tad confusing. Other than that, it's a 10/10.

[@anarchomando7707]

So Zatanna zatara

[@creed8712]

Zatanna, though I don’t think they ever played with her having to hide the magic much

[@anarchomando7707]

@@creed8712 it's more of her wanting to add an extra magical Flair for the end of her shows

[@nbv6975]

100% check out The Night Circus, it uses that idea and sooooo much more, super good book with an amazing writing style

[@fandomtrash7672]

4:41 She says it’s not a YA book because the MC is in her 20s. By that logic, The Boy In The Striped Pajamas is perfect for small children.

[@gracekim1998]

Yeah…..😅 I read that in high school (and yes I get the joke)

[@TravisBroski]

Damn I can’t watch Up for another forty years

[@meloneatingwolf1882]

Then how the hell are we going to watch Highlander!?

[@opalyasu7159]

Same with Night (Oh God…I didn’t like that book and the response to my opinion was pretty divisive)

[@alexjewett7455]

We watched the movie version in history class. Perfect for little kids.

[@TheArmyOfOne100]

Had to do a doubletake because I thought the thumbnail said “Handbook for Mormons”

[@witherrose1566]

Is it like grilled mormons?

[@lordkermit2647]

I didn't know of this book before, so at first I just thought the book was called "Handbook for Morons"

[@InoMercy]

So did I

[@johannesseyfried7933]

You too? 😆🤣

[@baraness24]

Same

[@benderc.moriarti3419]

Dyslexia is an impairement to READ. An impairement to write would be "dysgraphia".

[@teakrcmar7090]

This! Yes!

[@benderc.moriarti3419]

@@teakrcmar7090 So annoying when authors won't make the bare minimum effort to get this kind of things right.

[@usoppfangirl8153]

as a person with dysgraphia the fact she names it as dyslexia really pisses me off. Even then, no one with dyslexia ever has wrote words backwards by accident. Dysgraphia is more "my letters are too big or small, and I can't write words in a straight line"

[@louscrewed1060]

@@usoppfangirl8153 I also have dysgraphia and I suspect it's because dysgraphia isn't as well known as dyslexia. Given she clearly didn't do any research she might not have known it existed.

[@crowthewicked8344]

It's worst when author do shit like this when fucking google exists and is easy to access

[@mareeyoung3865]

Is anyone gonna mention the fact that, to be called a YA novel, the characters do not have to be young adults. The book has to be MARKETED to young adults, but the characters themselves can be any age?

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Talking about Boring Parents... Clark Kents Parents were Badasses, especially the Father, though. Talking about Power-Systems though: 'Nen' from "HunterxHunter" is the arguably Best; so check it out and make your own Ability-Set regarding it, will ya? Honestly, Krimson Rogue hopefully reads and even answers this comment.

[@anarchomando7707]

@@loturzelrestaurant no Alfred was a badass Ma and pa kent just had nerves of steel And they had to learn how to reason with the child that can destroy planets with a sneeze

[@matttriano]

Yeah and I think she probably knows that; she only started taking about it randomly because she couldn't keep lying about the NYT list thing.

[@shinymetagross1666]

@@anarchomando7707 I will never forget about Ma Kent and Krypto during the Blackest Night

[@Hephaestus328]

I really like the idea of a 75 year old woman who then has to save the world

[@Anddroiden]

how does this woman write women like r/menwritingwomen

[@Dreigonix]

“You’d be surprised how little some women know about how women work.” -A female friend of mine

[@multilad816]

@@Dreigonix Is it possible that there are men who knew little of other men?

[@Dreigonix]

+multilad816 Undoubtedly.

[@crowthewicked8344]

@@multilad816 Uh... Definitely not me.

[@catalin2766]

@@multilad816 A good example is Onision and how he doesn't know how to write a boy, girls man or women or even a god damn phrase

[@PommeDeTerre8]

I feel like the author found the Terrible Writing Advice channel and unironically followed it.

[@Dreigonix]

Because WE NEED A LOVE TRIANGLE!

[@BloodiedDoomguy]

She failed at that too, where is the sponsor from Skillshare? Exactly

[@Pillzpop]

Am I the only one who wants to see J. P. Beaubien lose his mind while he dissects HFM?

[@Dreigonix]

+Morgan Hall YES. This needs to happen.

[@wannabehistorian371]

Morgan Hall YES. SOMEONE GET HIM TO DO THIS.

[@rainylupin]

I love the backstory of Lani Sarem. It's like she WANTED to be an industry plant and it failed miserably.

[@joearnold6881]

Im sorry but I can’t get past the sixth word you wrote H…how do you pronounce that, exactly??

[@TravisBroski]

Hilariously enough, some copies of this book literally have the sticker, "#1 New York Times Best Seller for 23 Hours"

[@skeletonwar4445]

lmao ngl that's a great sticker

[@SergioLeonardoCornejo]

Having any NYT best seller label feels like a shameful thing at this point tbh.

[@pluto3194]

It's in the video at 4:26 too!

[@lulu8218]

The throne is almost as glorious as those locks^^

[@MagpieDynamics]

He’s like the God Emperor of Terrible Literature.

[@kainbellejangles]

They are thoroughly lovely locks

[@maymay5600]

imagine moving day or he has to minimize the throne for new books, that's gotta be a big ass box

[@juliastrawn2113]

The 1, SINGLE way I think you could wrote the "she's beautiful, but thinks she's ugly" trope is: if it is made extremely clear that these beliefs have been internalized from years of being told by others that these features truly aren't pretty. It isn't false humility, it's genuine love self esteem and self confidence.

[@Lucifersfursona]

If only being a consistently terrible person for years and years didn’t literally show on her face. Instead of working on her self esteem and personality she decided to make who she is as ugly as possible :/

[@jadeharley7190]

Weirdly enough that remind me of the Uglies book series

[@cesiluzherrera5342]

plus, it's already a real life phenomenon suffered primarily by WOC whose features were criticized for not being conventionally attractive (white) enough

[@ameliajames1463]

PLEASE everyone go find Caleb Joseph's "I wrote handbook for mortals 2" video because it is honestly a perfect sequel to HFM and had me fully rolling

[@melissavancoppenhagen3756]

It watched it, and it honestly could have been the actual sequel 🤣. He did a great job

[@adrianinha19]

I actally listen to it on a regular basis! It cracks me up everytime, that and the original review

[@loverboymadita7811]

Yeeeeessss!!!! Caleb's video is hilarious!!! Lowkey I wouldn't mind seeing Krimson react to it after finishing the actual book

[@peppydogdog12]

definitely doing it later

[@maisie4598]

Was just about to comment this too! Krimson should definitely react to it after this 😄

[@starshapedseal]

i'm a tarot reader, so for the tarot reading at 1:05:29, here's what those cards mean: 1. eight of wands: this card generally signals haste. in romance, it might represent a short, flighty fling, but it's a card meant for rushing with no attachment--not just in romance, but in life. 2. three of pentacles: this card generally represents hard work! for a relationship, it means you're already in the relationship and are working your ass off, but it doesn't just signal 'a relationship'. 3. three of cups: parties and good times. this one's probably the only semi-accurate card she mentioned. 4. the sun: often when this card comes up, for a relationship reading, it's cause there might be a pregnancy. as in, a current pregnancy. otherwise, it's a good luck card. 5. five of pentacles: i think this is why she said it would be rough? but it's more than rough. five of pentacles is a hard card--it signals bad times, bad luck, and most importantly, turmoil. for relationships, this is generally pulled with divorce. 6. nine of cups: kind of a haughty card. i generally think of it as an adrenaline card--fame, entertainment, good adult fun times. 7. king of wands: this is an interesting card for this? she seems to be really picking and choosing, and i'm guessing she might have picked this one 'cause it can mean loyalty. however, it can also represent someone who's emotionally closed off. now, that's everything in the upright position. she doesn't mention if they're upright or reversed. reversed is essentially the opposite of all that. from that reading, i'd gather she'd have a short, fun relationship that might end up with her being knocked up.. but i also don't really read for the future. the future is mutable, so cards can't tell the future. the way i like to explain it, essentially the cards are just advice, and the advice is based on the concept of 'there are no coincidences'. it isn't a coincidence you drew the card, there's a reason you drew it. also, off the top of my head, i have no fucking clue what spread she did. it's seven cards, so i'd guess.. horseshoe, maybe? but she's not reading it like you really would read a horseshoe spread. idk. the whole reading and description is a mess.

[@KrimsonRogue]

Quite informative. Thanks for the input.

[@starshapedseal]

@@KrimsonRogue of course! glad i could help out. thanks for the awesome video!

[@olivierluisin1790]

Thanks it's pretty interesting to learn as a fan of tarot... Can say a question?

[@olivierluisin1790]

@@starshapedseal what should I do if I want to create a card? To imagine one?

[@starshapedseal]

@@olivierluisin1790 those are called oracle cards! unlike tarot cards, these cards are unique and aren't part of a standard deck. while you can buy oracle decks, it's often thought better that you make them yourself, because then the meanings are specific to you and what you find important to divine. (:

[@Atalanta01]

If it takes a paragraph to explain how to pronounce "Lani", my name requires an PhD thesis LOL

[@alexandrosvayakis4195]

Same here if you took my middle names as well.

[@thethmooteresa]

Mmhmm, feel yas

[@JoPlaysSims]

Is it PA-na-go-sha ?

[@RatRatRattyRatRat]

I will read it if you write it.

[@SC-kz8pp]

Best comment goes to:

[@lilanthia]

I tried buying this book to rip it apart, but Amazon cancelled it because they couldn’t find it. The universe was clearly trying to save me from my own poor decisions.

[@eldritchabomination9726]

Yeah, don't waste your time and money

[@StottOnTheDot]

Not worth supporting the author even to spite them.

[@itscjrodgers]

Did you try getting a second-hand copy? That's how I got my copy.

[@iwakeupandboomimarat]

try to find a second hand copy or a pdf online!! its not worth supporting the author tbh

[@chickpea]

Try Thriftbooks! I really like them and it's all second hand

[@adriannethornheart8516]

When Y/N was “standing up” to the mean girls feels like it came out of Wattpad

[@sadrabbit53]

"Y/N" 💀💀💀

[@friendofdavid]

actually though. that exchange made me cringe harder than a Y/N "my mom sold me to One Direction" fanfic.

[@thatlycantomboy]

this comment gave me psychic damage

[@xc_gwpl]

@@friendofdavid the what fanfic

[@alyssaj8779]

At least most Wattpad writers are just kids and teens just starting out ... this is a grown woman writing this trash.

[@knshinn2]

As soon as Skye Turner described Sarem as having 'a bit of a gypsy soul', I could hear the alarm bells ringing.

[@kirbysthiccthighs]

literally- especially because the g slur is well…. a slur (not a lot of people know this but a Roma person or anyone who knows anything about Romani people and culture absolutely would, so if Lani really _did_ have a “g***y soul,” she wouldn’t be comfortable being referred to as such.)

[@hungryburger1170]

Sarem's Romanian? Explains the stealing

[@HaliaStone]

@@kirbysthiccthighsdepends on the person, I imagine. Tyson Fury markets himself as the gypsy king and even calls himself such in his Netflix series.

[@kirbysthiccthighs]

@@HaliaStone 1000% yes- people absolutely can reclaim terms used against them to take back their power, i was more so referring to having someone else (who hasn’t had that same lived experience) refer to them like that

[@crowthewicked8344]

What the hell does that even mean?

[@mahnoorjamil3732]

A silver lining within this pandemic: seeing KrimsonRogue become the Rapunzel he is always destined to be

[@bradleyhandsonjoehallschro5419]

"It's an honor to be taken off the list. I'm the only one i'm like a rebel" Isn't that like a scientist saying that they were the only ones who got their noble peace prize revoked? Or if someone's trying to get you to hire them and their selling point is that they were the only ones fired from their last job for embezzling? Or if a pizza place said that they're the only place in the area that got bumped down from a Health rating of 90 to a Health rating of 10? Those aren't good things. They just make you seem all the worse. And then people start asking "why did your prize get revoked? Why were you fired? Why is the health score so low? What did you do that made them remove your book?"

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

She and "Dr" Wakefield can go celebrate together in a corner somewhere: "Yeaaaaaahhhh, we suck! Now which one of us did more damage to our own reputations with our terribleness?"

[@sugarveins]

i honestly have a feeling she only said that to save face, she's definitely butthurt about it, you can see it in her eyes.

[@trygveplaustrum4634]

Scientists don't usually get Nobel *PEACE* prizes, but I get your point!

[@Enzaio]

@@trygveplaustrum4634 That's why it would make sense if it got revoked, actually.

[@k.morningstar7983]

the twit whose bad science published in *The Lancet* who started the modern fear of immunizations causing autism being proud of it would be fitting

[@lynn4840]

I love how the cat immediately left once you picked up the book. She doesn't wanna deal with this shit either lmao.

[@lazydelibird]

If the cat were to sit through that, that emotional support animal is gonna need an emotional support animal.

[@litemitan7244]

On the topic of Scheherazade, pronounced Sheh-her-uh-zaad, is the name of the Arabic queen from One Thousand and One Nights. It also means "World-freer", so it seems to be a horrible attempt at linking our self insert mary sue to a revered figure. It could also be a sorry reference to the queen's legendary story-telling/survival skills, as she uses her wit to survive the thousand nights.

[@mercurywise4047]

LITEMITAN all that time on pronunciation and we still have zade when it should be zaad? I wish I was surprised

[@androidinblack5291]

Crispy Win I’m a native Arabic speaker, can confirm we also pronounce it as “Zaad”.

[@ninavale.]

Methinks it's second mostly. Since Lanieuo later in book states her mother is a great storyteller that when she told the story of how her and Charles met he was sucked in as much as Mac. Even tho he obviously knew the story. And then Labi gives us the story. So she is complimenting herself on how emersing it is. Spoiler. it's not. Also Krim didn't touch upon it but other reviews did(like Jenny Trout and Blandbook for Cholrtels). Zanei finds Sherezade's story romantic. Not the tales she spins but the framing device. Bc you know. Having to think up stories on fly bc your husband will behead you in the morning, bc his ex cheated on him so that means all women on earth deserve death is epitome of dream romance.

[@nancyjay790]

As an aside, I had a friend who wanted to name a future daughter Scherazade. To discourage him, when my husband and I acquired a kitten, we named her Scherazade. A few weeks of us calling the kitten for supper knocked that idea right out of his head.

[@masondang8161]

I knew that name from Starkid's musical "Twisted" and I feel actual pain seeing that name being used for a Mary Sue

[@JuFated]

Well for the record, Stephanie Meyer didnt go around trying to falsify her book sale numbers or plagiarizing other people's artwork =7=. As bad as the book is, it earned its success all on its own. Empress Theresa also didnt do all that and Norman himself drew the cover, even if it is really really bad. The book and the author are obnoxious but never resorted to well....this.

[@multilad816]

That's either sad and pathetic or horrifying and eerie

[@hollieginoza7935]

Norman wouldn't know how to do it if he managed to think up a scheme like that.

[@feedthemeat543f]

Norman is a bit too insistent on the "quality" of his cover to think about stealing one tbh

[@a.m.3000]

I think the closest Norman came to anything like Sarem's falsified book sales is that he created ANOTHER Amazon listing for Empress Theresa as a way of trying to skirt around bad ratings. Several reviewers caught on, of course, and the listing was taken down.

[@agilroy2226]

Lani also misspells Stephenie Meyer's name. twice

[@dashingapothecary7118]

I hate when people use learning disabilities as a quirky character trope it's frustrating especially from normal people because they don't know what it's like, how to write about it or the struggle with social interactions

[@ninavale.]

yeah. She makes it like some super ability, where she can do what normies cannot. But when you really have learning difficulty it's...well a difficulty. Teachers, even tho they're trained to know better will treat you like you're either an idiot or lazy or both. Put worse grades on your assignments, as if again you were just lazy. They sometimes even neglect to inform you that you are legible for aids. Like maybe a computer-with no spellcheck or internet ofc- during your finals so your writing is legible. Or that your notebook won't be judged by teachers when you have dysgraphia. Both of which happened to me. I didn't know I could write my finals on a computer until I was in Highschool and I've noticed that I actually did better on those exams and scored higher when I wrote them on a machine vs. handwriting. I could've had it easier before, scored better, and have better grades in previous schools but nobody told me. And some teachers still marked me down bc my handwriting was poor. Even though they were repeatedly shown my diagnosis and recommendations from the experts that diagnosed me. And told me that I can't be graded on my note-taking. Because to acknowledge my disability meant giving me a bit more of their attention and time. And it was too much of a chore for them. The attitude of many was like 'could you try and like...switch your disability off, please?'. I frigging wished all my life I was normal and didn't have my difficulties bc they made school even more hell than it usually is.

[@Notfallkaramell]

I hate it when fanfic authors use Dyslexia as excuse to not take criticism. Besides that it would be Dysgraphia in the matter of writing...

[@Shapes_Quality_Control]

I don’t want to blame “Rain Man” because that movie’s depiction of a seriously autistic man was quite good but the counting cards scene started the bad trend of “super movie autism.” You can suspend disbelief somewhat when your plot calls for it, but for every “Split” you get a “The Predator.”

[@cbplayz2374]

One example of dyslexia actually being used well as a character trait is the Percy Jackson series. It's actually important to the character, it shaped much of his life up to the start of the story, and continues to come into play multiple times throughout the series. You see him start off in a special ed boarding school because of his struggle with maintaining grades, and the resulting outbursts when teachers would give him shit for it. At the start of the first book you see him really buckle down for the one class he actually liked, not because of the subject matter, but because his teacher was the first one to not give up on him, and he didn't want to disappoint someone he looked up to. Not to mention having dyslexia was an important part of his character even outside of school, since all of the judgement and prejudice he received from it made him distrusting and standoffish, which is a *flaw*, and something that he makes a gradual effort to improve throughout his *character arc*, things this writer seems to have zero understanding of.

[@abidizzne892]

@@cbplayz2374 also the smart girl who likes to read struggles too with her dyslexia

[@brettdallman3885]

You see, chapter 0’s title is actually referring to the person who decided to read the book

[@maximellow5745]

Book throne - check Cat - check Perfect hair - check This is gonna be good video.

[@boomstickmick5652]

MERMAIDER MERMAIDER MERMAIDER MERMAIDER

[@jeusmaxrex7089]

Zade: I saved your life! Sophia: No, you ruined my death! Zade: 👁👄👁

[@lunabearsong2043]

Ha! Love The Incredibles!

[@RogueAstro85]

Funny thing, I watched the Incredibles hundreds of times growing up and I always thought he said "You ruined my bet." I was so confused as to why a man would make a bet that he could jump off a skyscraper

[@yonatanyonatano1192]

"Yes, the most useful aspects of men: Putting up tents." Well, depends on where you're putting the pole

[@dirkjehovah4731]

Yonatan Yonatano *careless whisper begins playing*

[@dylanchouinard6141]

Heyoo!

[@eldritchabomination9726]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@anarchomando7707]

@@eldritchabomination9726 how the hell do you type that face

[@eldritchabomination9726]

@@anarchomando7707 just look up "lenny face" copy and paste.

[@jessicamarshall1975]

The whole dyslexia thing annoys me as a person with dyslexia. “That’s not how dyslexia works” indeed. I have never written anything backwards and know nobody else who has. Even when this girl has flaws, her flaws have that “not like other girls” flavour. Edit: When I said I know nobody else who has written backwards either, I meant I know no other dyslexics who do it. I know some left handed people do it (my father is left handed and he’s done it). Sorry if I wasn’t clear.

[@themysteriousmista4922]

I some times get 'who' and 'how' mixed up and misreading a lot of things.

[@jessicamarshall1975]

The Mysterious Mista I get there, their and they’re mixed up and I have really bad spelling.

[@themysteriousmista4922]

@@jessicamarshall1975 same, I've gotten better with English but not so much my native language.

[@corathestoryteller]

I write okay, getting better at it, but when reading something I'll mistake times for ten, put a word where it wasn't originally, swear up and down that the sentence started with "The" or "And" the first three times and around the fourth time, seeing it gone. It's really irritating. Im smart, just not when I'm reading outloud. And simple math I'm a little slower at recognizing the numbers

[@sixrabbits3972]

Right? I also have dyslexia, I never wrote backwards but had the damndest time figuring out how to write q (seriously, b,d,q,p it's freaking stick with a ball!) I don't think this author had the first clue how dyslexia actually works.

[@ForcedHandleName]

I like how in the interview, L-Annie describes the book as not 'YA' because the main character is in her twenties...when that has nothing to do with a book qualifying for YA. It just means that the book is suitable for teens, not that the MC is a teen themselves.

[@mattc2306]

I've written characters who are teenagers, as well as young adult characters. I don't really worry about describing my work. Partially, because my stuff are mostly from Deviantart or Google Docs, but I'm aware of what I write and not try to worry about genre comparisons.

[@peterwindhorst5775]

Wait till the Hollywood focus groups come in and say - "I am sorry, you are not playing Zade, but you can play her mom or something", "the focus group has also decided to make Zade gay, so we are rewriting characters to reflect this," etc. I kill to be a fly on the wall to see her face when she is told that.

[@autobotstarscream765]

And the book is suitable for nobody, so it passes the disqualification for YA with flying colors.

[@autobotstarscream765]

@@mattc2306 Cool, where do you post your work? Are you Matthew Cool on DA as well?

[@mattc2306]

@@autobotstarscream765 Actually, my DA account name is MattC230 and I mostly abandoned the site given its renovations. I have a few stories written on Google Docs, but nothing too concrete.

[@Mathee]

Big pet peeve here: Sarem keeps hammering down how Zade's name is pronounced, that it's like "zay-d". Then she says it's short for Scherezade. Problem is, the "zade" in Scherezade is pronounced like "zar-d". So we have an author who gets so offended when people can't pronounce her "oh-so-special" name, who writes a character who also gets miffed when people can't pronounce her super-special name, and then the author fucks up the pronounciation of the character's full name!

[@sharonspears-mandeville2369]

Exactly,my dear person of the interwebs. Just imagine if this chick actually existed,and told you both her real name AND/OR nickname..I'd be like: "Um,excuse me lady? I mean,other _than the fact you've got a..really interesting name,but..I'd hate to ask you this-But was and/or were your mother and/or parents on some seriously weird shit/on some serious drugs when they named you at birth..? Because-no offence and all,to be fair-um,what kind of parent would consider that name for a child,let alone someone like you,honestly..? No offence here,but STILL!?!"_

[@agilroy2226]

In the book Zade goes, "I hate it when people pronounce my name like ZOD, like I'm a superman villain." And then like three chapters later you find out what her full name is. So Lani fully admits it's supposed to be Zhad, but just chooses the different pronunciation cause... it sounds cooler to her i guess.

[@anapm2927]

I imagine the writer has not interacted with or known any Turkish person.. Ever

[@plant707]

Makes it even more funny, because Lani, as in the Hawaiian name, is pronounced LAH-nee, not L-Annie. Idk, as someone with a name that's hard to pronounce for native English speakers, I do not expect anyone to immediately master it lol. Nor am I ever annoyed by it. If your name is pronounced differently from the usual version (like Scheherezayd and Lannie) and someone doesn't get it right, just correct them and move on. It's such a weird thing to be offended about.

[@agilroy2226]

@@plant707 Hawaii is my home state and yeah, if I see "Lani" I pronounce it the same way I would as Liliuokalani. It's the difference between stress and unstressed, but Sarem is SO offended by this she has to put like three different instances of pronunciation in the book. My name has eight letters and four syllables, it gets mispronounced ALL the time, but I am certainly not writing shitty YA novels to rectify that.

[@LeeAnnaHolt]

She's still trying to sell these bulk bought books to this day. I see her at the Las Vegas Ren Faire every year with an enormous pile of these things.

[@iwakeupandboomimarat]

oh my god thats AMAZING

[@jge8144]

How the heck did she have enough money to even buy her books in bulk?!

[@iwakeupandboomimarat]

@@jge8144 im guessing it was her publishing company, maybe the books shes selling at cons/faires are the ones that were ordered to get her on the bestseller list?

[@andrester88]

She's at the Ren Faire?

[@theotherghostgirl337]

I miss the ren faire

[@mynaemismoos]

Sarem: "Life is short." **Proceeds to hold everyone hostage with unending rambling.**

[@SorowFame]

Maybe she gains life for every moment she wastes of someone else's and this is all just her bid for immortality.

[@cam4636]

@@SorowFame She's not just a witch and the chosen one and the long-lost daughter of a famous magician, she's ALSO a vampire!

[@lazydelibird]

There's no audience quite like a captive audience?

[@bunnymoonvii]

I think "chunky pieces" is supposed to mean that her hair is cut in chunky layers, which are just big, visible layers of hair, but... "chunky pieces" isn't a good way of phrasing it.

[@srbrant5391]

“Chunky pieces” brings to mind kitty litter.

[@bonniea8189]

I thought she meant the color. Like balayage done wrong

[@JamesMC04]

“Chunky pieces” sounds like petfood - *catfood* , maybe.

[@Ashethetics]

That sounds like what she’d probably been going for, but at best it sounds like Zade’s let a kid at her with a pair of scissors and at worst, like bits of vomit are stuck in it or something.

[@LegitTapeSplicer]

Normal person: *celebrates Independence Day by lighting fireworks* Krimson: *toils through a bad book and uploads a review at 3AM Pacific*

[@DazeDawning1]

Zade's last name being Holder makes me think her name during the writing process was "Place Holder" while Sarem hunted for a proper Mary Sue name and the first name was all Sarem changed 😂 you can't tell me the woman who named a magician character "Charles Spellman" has too much subtlety or creativity for that

[@arturfernandes101]

there's a line between writing style and bad writing, and this book not only crosses this line but kills it and dances on its corpse

[@Lulu-ze3hq]

Yeah i LOVE stream of consciousness when it provides confusion and makes you fell overwhelmed with the main character. Fahrenheit 451 is a good example, I fell disoriented and suspicious with the protagonist, but people love to abuse this style and make it boring and drawn out.

[@jasonellis4330]

The whole tarot thing pissed me off. Those aren't what the cards mean. At all. So it doesn't even work if the reader is familiar with tarot either

[@lasura]

What do you mean? Tarot cards originated from gaming cards where the Major Arcana were the trumps each numbered from 1 to 21 with the Fool as the zero. Of course it's less interesting than the Tarot reading interpretations but it's not exactly wrong. You could still use modern cards for a game.

[@jasonellis4330]

@@lasura I was talking about the reading that the character did, not the number system...

[@jasonellis4330]

@ Death just means new beginnings though...

[@lasura]

@@jasonellis4330 yeah I saved half the video for the morning and saw that today 😂 oh jeez I really hoped an actual reading wouldn't be in there

[@SergioLeonardoCornejo]

The only way it could make sense is as a JoJo reference. ZA WARUDO!

[@RedNovaTyrant]

The fact that Zade/Sarem brings up dyslexia as a trait of being a witch feels like just one of many grabs at being the next Percy Jackson

[@tslater8372]

wait a damn minute krim u cant just gloss over jasper being in a band and his manager simping so hard she puts him in her book i'm genuinely Shaken

[@johannesseyfried7933]

I wasn't aware that simping is something that Women do as well.

[@LiamNajor]

@@johannesseyfried7933 you learn new things every day, weather you know it or not. Your brain is always absorbing as much information as possible.

[@crowthewicked8344]

@@johannesseyfried7933 In this context, it's Sucker Idolizing Mediocre Penis. Examples: Helga from Hey Arnold, Yuno from Future Diary, really any Yandere

[@firmanchristiansianturi4794]

@@crowthewicked8344 Arnold is not mediocre

[@crowthewicked8344]

@@firmanchristiansianturi4794 Its just a label that defines the one who's lusting for them.

[@mintytrifecta5504]

You know what I'd love to read? An adventure book featuring a married couple. A good healthy married couple who loves and supports each other yet gets annoyed and sassess each other. Give me the banter, give me the sass, give me the loyal love and strong relationship that doesn't fall apart during the story. Please just give me a good married couple adventure.

[@dee_is_tired]

I didn't read it but isn't that basically what The Buried Giant is?

[@mintytrifecta5504]

@@dee_is_tired I am checking what that is Right Now

[@gliscorpropagandaaccount1764]

I can think of a few series with happy married couple side characters

[@em84c]

JD Robb In Death series has a great married couple. But it's not adventure. The main character (the female) is a homicide detective and it's set like 50 years in the future which is cool. There are resorts on other planets, virtual reality and hover cars and stuff.

[@imogenhope8949]

I know that you asked for a book, but the mummy film series is exactly that

[@purplehaze2358]

She’s not just a Mary Sue, she’s an _archetypal_ Mary Sue. She’s extremely close to Mary Sue, the actual character.

[@AnimeLuver0604]

Could you image if Sarem took the "loved by everyone" trope and turned it into a reverse "yandere" scenerio? Everybody loves you so much that they would kill for you, possibly kill you, definitely try to come onto you. It would have made for better conflicts, I think. Like Future Diary, but anyone could be Yuno.

[@autobotstarscream765]

I've thought about how a deconstruction of "desired by everyone" would be about the character living with a permanent target on her/his back, living as prey and constantly on the run from potential attackers looking to abuse them.

[@ratgirl4626]

that'd be really cool. sort of like what happens in junji ito's horror manga "tomie," where people are so compelled by tomie's beauty that they actually cut her up. (spoilers.)

[@theskepticpirate156]

Here's the problem with that story concept: that would actually be interesting and engaging.

[@greatandmightykevin]

@@autobotstarscream765 holy shit and then the whole thing with the cover would kind of make a little bit of sense

[@caoilfhionndunbar]

thats the backstory of C.C. in Code Geass

[@jessip8654]

"Love triangles almost never work!" Me, thinking: Yeah, the only story I ever saw it really work in is Fruits Basket. "The only story I ever saw it really work in is Fruits Basket!" Okay I guess it's a universal truth now that Fruits Basket has the only non-awful love triangle. Fruits Basket Love Triangle Bonus: Two guys are in love with the lead, Tohru. It's not the two you think it is.

[@mori6434]

Wait, am I forgetting something about Fruit's Basket? Who are the two that aren't who I think they are?

[@jessip8654]

@@mori6434 maybe a bit of bad wording on my part haha. Guess without saying spoilers I just mean the love triangle doesn't go the way love triangles traditionally go. Someone you think is in love with Tohru isn't.

[@mori6434]

@@jessip8654 ah, I see what you mean now. Hey, who would've thought, the only love triangle people like is the one that turns out to not be a love triangle in the end. It's almost like they're terrible and no one should write them

[@caoimhepower395]

The Infernal Devices trilogy actually has a pretty decent love triangle too. But then, it's approached a bit differently than most love triangles.

[@gwendolynstata3775]

Also, Fruits Basket is a cute little slice of life drama story with a touch of supernatural elements, whereas HfM tries to bill itself as an urban fantasy action story written by a NLOG.

[@MoarCheeseBirb]

"It's technically not a YA book, if you ask someone who's very in the book world, because nobody should be reading this, not even young adults."

[@nb8817]

This book is just a rich, connected, person complaining about how they just want to be “normal” while also talking about how amazing they are.

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Talking about Boring Parents... Clark Kents Parents were Badasses, especially the Father, though. Talking about Power-Systems though: 'Nen' from "HunterxHunter" is the arguably Best; so check it out and make your own Ability-Set regarding it, will ya? Honestly, Krimson Rogue himself should do that.

[@musicgal365]

*sees the number of tabs* Oh, we're in for a treat. Edit: For some reason, the thing that pisses me off most about this book is the tarot card chapters. Like, that's such a cool idea and it's wasted on this crap.

[@Rivenlore99]

musicgal365 So True. The chapter titles don’t make sense

[@billygleim4641]

Yep, if your gonna name a chapter "the moom" you need there to be somesort of lie, or betrayal, or something but NOPE, JUST USE IT BECAUSE NIGHT SKY PRETTY.

[@lasura]

It sounds like the most unoriginal idea to me. I was considering it and thought "I'm sure that's been done a number of times, nah". There's at least one album where each song is named after a card (or three) too! (Tarot by Æther Realms, definitely recommend if into metal)

[@ghostoflazlo]

@@billygleim4641 "moom" 😂😂

[@littlekuribohimposte]

For those who care about the order of the Arcana: 0 - Fool 1 - Magician 2 - Priestess 3 - Empress 4 - Emperor 5 - Hierophant 6 - Lovers 7 - Chariot 8 - Justice 9 - Hermit 10 - Wheel of Fortune 11 - Strength 12 - Hanged Man 13 - Death 14 - Temperance 15 - Devil 16 - Tower 17 - Star 18 - Moon 19 - Sun 20 - Judgement 21 - World

[@punchyboi6915]

I see arcana I hear jojo

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

@@punchyboi6915 za warudo

[@TupocalypseShakur]

The fool is also 22

[@littlekuribohimposte]

@@TupocalypseShakur I can see that, since asI'mfamiliar with the chards, they all are notated with roman numerals except the Fool, which has the arabic number 0.

[@codexstudios]

I love Get To The Orange Door!

[@AssumeASphericalMinjerribah]

As someone who constantly has their name mispronounced, Lani's really stretching the bill. Personally I don't care to correct unless I'll be interacting with them frequently.

[@infiniteshay8660]

Is it see-air-uh or ki-ar-uh? I'm leaning on the former but knowing my luck it'll be neither.

[@jamesm.zippay8867]

@@infiniteshay8660 I bet it's pronounced like Joseph.

[@bellarkcox1243]

I never give anyone my full name because despite it being the easiest name ever, everyone mispronounces it. Nicknames are a blessing.

[@infiniteshay8660]

@@bellarkcox1243 Yeah I'm lucky my name is two English words smacked together so it can never be mispronounced.

[@m_e_nere]

My name is Melchizedek so almost everyone new I've meant has mispronounced (or misspelled) my name

[@PhantomSkitty]

Scheherazade is actually pronounced sha-hair-ah-zahd. So... Zahd is probably how Zade should be pronounced. But yeah, this book is trash.

[@kees_hoe]

Lani herself has actually pronounced it “Zade” in interviews. I think just cuz it’s a nickname it sounds different, like how someone called Matthew is nicknamed “Matt” you don’t pronounce Matthew “MattHue” you pronounce it “Math ew” but the nickname isn’t Math.

[@skeletonwar4445]

@@kees_hoe Another possile explanation is that Lani has no fucking clue

[@RainbowAnimeCupcake]

I had to pause the video when that came up, like really? Of all the undeserving names for her sorceress character lani picked fuckin Scheherazade? I was dumbstruck

[@sickcrabfactz]

she definitely just picked it from some "cool witch names for girls" list because she clearly doesn't know its origin lmaoo

[@PhantomSkitty]

@@kees_hoe Okay, valid.

[@JessieMimi]

"what are you doing" "i need you to go" "why are you like this"

[@SilimSavertin]

Always remember, Krimson, there's good books out there. Before you go insane entirely from reading these sucky pieces of crap.

[@legofan6669]

Some where over the rainbow there’ll be good books

[@QJ89]

But where's the fun in that?

[@SergioLeonardoCornejo]

Well. Good books are harder to find on the YA related sector.

[@addicted2mako]

A lot of those good books are right behind him, so he won’t have to go far

[@robbiehughes8382]

Fun Fact: Jackson Rathbone was also Sokka in M. Night Syamalamadingdong's Disaster-Opus "The Last Airbender".

[@FullMetalWhovian81]

M. Night Syamalamadingdong 🤣🤣🤣

[@NapaCat]

You mean Souka. He traveled with Aung and Katara.

[@Tamaki742]

@@NapaCat *saitama face* Sou ka?

[@ViewingChaos]

There is no movie in Ba Sing Se...

[@TheActualMarcy]

What ATLA movie? There is no ATLA movie.

[@TheAirBear2000]

"Doors are in twenty minutes." "Hot damn, I thought those guys broke up decades ago!" There Lani, I wrote your Doors joke for you.

[@Lucifersfursona]

This is already fantastic but it can be read in Jenny Nicholson’s voice for free serotonin

[@justanotheranimeprofilepic]

"Doors are in 20 minutes" "Didn't think we could afford such a good opening act"

[@eirinym]

Can I just say, the thing about 'love triangles' that always confused me, is that when they're brought up they're usually presented as a romantic involvement of one person with two people. The thing about that, though, is that from my perspective a triangle doesn't work that way. It sounds more like a line geometrically. A triangle's vertices have two lines each, so you'd think for it to be a love *triangle* you'd need each of the three people to be interested in the other two, so then all the points would be connected.

[@georgethompson913]

The circle of sexual frustration

[@Enoemen]

You could argue that usually the two people in love with the one person are connected through hatred or a feeling of rivalry. But yeah, it's mostly an easy way to sell 'Team Edward,' or 'Team Jacob' shirts. Capitalism, yo.

[@phenjaws569]

Twelfth Night by Shakespeare is the only genuine love triangle I've seen

[@silvermagpie1071]

It's more of a V in most literature

[@roshpotter06]

@@silvermagpie1071 'love V' doesn't have the same ring, though, which is a pity.

[@wcapewell3089]

At least the cover is better than the one on empress Teresa, despite plagiarizing.

[@NapaCat]

Empress Theresa isn't hard to be better than.

[@jamiedoesstuff5871]

I get what you mean, but I'd personally consider this one worse. At least Teresa's wasn't stolen...

[@eve6262_]

I can respect a shit cover done yourself. At least you tried, and that's what matters. If the book didn't get so creepy I could almost respect Norman for trying, despite failing.

[@zevaronxz7288]

emperess teresa tells you what you're getting though

[@wcapewell3089]

@@zevaronxz7288 trash, thats what we got.

[@riannelynn110]

The urge to rewrite the book as a story abt the theatre crew saving Mac and Jackson from Zades weird witch pheromones and kicking out Spellman for preying on younger less experienced girls like Sophia and having the team be a family is strong in me

[@pikapower_kirby]

I'd read that. Reminds me of how I want to write Empress Theresa from Hal's perspective, where Theresa is controlling and ignores Hal's concerns and wishes in favor of her own mad quest for power and attention.

[@HappyBirddi]

Please do both of those thing and take all my money XDXDXDXD I honestly have the urge to do the same

[@justin2308]

@@pikapower_kirby Funny you should say that: I actually had an idea to write a version of the story from her husband’s perspective where he pretty much corrects all her BS- well, either that or Hal is a leech that causes Theresa to lose both her mind and her mobility. We should both try to write our versions. 😂

[@pikapower_kirby]

@@justin2308 Let's do it!

[@ichimatsu13]

I'm sending you both my energy

[@l.francesca4780]

Something I appreciate about Krimson over, say, Dominic Noble, is that when Krimson critiques a trope, writing convention, or just a pet peeve, he goes into why he doesn't like it and why it's not appropriate for the book itself and not why it's "just bad and you should never do it." Don't get me wrong, Dominic Noble does great work and he's more focused on adaptations versus straight book reviews, but I watched the Live Stream of "The Mister" and some of Dom's critiques felt like REALLY bad advice for a beginning author to hear and made me feel bad about similar tropes in my writing. Krimson can totally get into bloodsports and just tear a book apart like with "Empress Theresa," but I never get that same sense of "condemn all books that do this" like I did from Dom's review of The Mister. Don't misunderstand, "The Mister" is definitely a bad book, but I think I like Krimson's review better because Dom just went in for perfectly normal writing conventions and painted them as bad without really giving a reason why he thought it was bad or at least why it was bad for "The Mister" to do it. So thanks, Krimson. A refreshing way to get both righteously mad at bad writing while learning to improve my own without feeling self conscious that I'm "just as bad as this bad author" for doing similar things. As you said. Things like Love Triangles and long italicized passages can be done right and have a place. It's using them for the wrong reasons (i.e. just because Twilight did it/just because it differentiates the writing) that stuff like that becomes a problem.

[@keyman1737]

I agree, I like the Dom, but krimson give a good break down on why a trope is bad in a give book.

[@keyman1737]

@@blueberrymuffin_144 it depends on what you are try to write. Such as themes or elements, you are trying to get across to the reader.

[@sixrabbits3972]

@@blueberrymuffin_144 One important thing for writing is to remember that your first draft is going to be trash. That's okay, its job is to get everything out onto the page (or screen) and then you can go back in and tidy it up.

[@keyman1737]

@@blueberrymuffin_144 try working out the world lore and backstory. And how you characters fit into it.

[@simj202]

Cliches and tropes aren't inherently bad, remember this.

[@TheBonkleFox]

It's honestly kinda sad. The arcana thing started out promising. Chapter 0 literally starts out with Zade going off to find her own fortune. The Fool card fits that to a T. So why did Lani get so fucking lazy?!

[@kcorphan308]

I think chapter 0 was an accident. She didn't get lazy, she just got slightly lucky on her theme in the 1st chapter.

[@TheBonkleFox]

@@kcorphan308 That does make sense, now that I remember that every other tarot card is pretty much out of order. It's like The Fool was the only one she remembered the number of, and then didn't feel like actually doing any more research on tarot.

[@sadrabbit53]

@@TheBonkleFox 1, The Magician, is also in order but then she goes for The Hermit (9) instead of The High Priestess (2). Like I think it could've been an interesting writing challenge -- keeping herself bound by the correct order of the Arcana, constructing chapters that made sense as a story without chapter names AND chapters whose names could easily be seen as themes of the text within. But no. Sarem not only used the Arcana out of order, many of the chapters lack any meaning to connect them to their titles aside from superficiality. So she could've ordered the Arcana properly, kept all her writing the same, and it would've made the same amount of sense (i.e. none).

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

Honestly? Might nick that idea and do it properly. I don't even get why you'd shuffle the Arcana around and then not make them relevant to the chapter. Like, shouldn't the lovers be when she and Mac get together? How perfect would that be? But no. What a waste of an idea. A non copyright-able idea though >:) Chop-Chop, guys!

[@tumbleweedfish]

Love to see adults writing the way I did at thirteen when I could barely speak English. It's so good for my self esteem.

[@MechanizedAngelz]

Fun fact: Scheherazade's name is from the famous story "One Thousand and One Nights", and is the magnificent storyteller in the story... something that Zade *_isn't_* and bonus fun fact, if Zade's name is pronounced like Scheherazade( pronounced as Sh-air-Ah-Zah-D) then Zade actually isn't pronounced as Z-ay-D but rather as Zah-D so, the reason she gets upset about her name being pronounced wrong is probably because of that but, I mean can you blame people for getting it wrong? The name's origin is Arabic, and I'm quite sure Zade *_isn't_* Arabic.

[@aaljustaal1890]

In defence of her nickname being pronounced Z-ay-d (and I hate defending this damn woman), it is fairly common for nicknames to have a different pronunciation than their counterparts. For example, Matt being a nickname for Matthew. However, she has no right to be so anal about the pronunciation of her name because she doesn't introduce herself Scheherazade; she introduces herself as Zade, so I really don't know how other characters are supposed to make the Zade-Scheherazade connection

[@sirsoftspoken]

Another fun fact: Scheherazade is the German-usage equivalent to the Middle Persian *Čehrāzād*, which basically means “noble blood.” It’s like the author thought, “Hmmm... what’s the queenliest name I could possibly use?”

[@MechanizedAngelz]

@@sirsoftspoken, ha! That's hilarious.

[@MechanizedAngelz]

@@aaljustaal1890, what do you mean she mentioned it halfway though?! How could you *_not_* know that _it came from a story that was made in _*_c. 1706-1721._* It was _so,_ obvious! (On a serious note, yeah... no clue why Zade gets mad that no one knows, and fair point that names can be pronounced differently than where they originate from.)

[@RANima71498]

Lol I’d just pronounce her name as “Zay-d” anyway cause I don’t care about “hurting her feelings”.

[@glg3805]

KrimsonRogue: "What are you doing I need to film." Also KrimsonRogue: *Aggressively and lovingly scratches cat's head*

[@Firefly07]

Me: Cat you are ugly and fat and gross and I don’t like you Also me: *rocks cat in my arms and fluffs his belly as he purrs at 1,000 hertz*

[@elainagilbert7663]

Her mentioning dyslexia and then inexplicably fixing it in only a few years, reminds me of a manuscript I read where a character had an asthma attack and his friend told him to "just breathe" and then he was fine. I've noticed authors mention these sorts of things to either make their characters/book impossible to criticize or to artificially give their otherwise perfect character a "flaw."

[@peepopopo7140]

Hey, i know its been a year, but as an asthmatic person myself, I just wanted to say, "what the fuck?!?!"

[@elainagilbert7663]

I hope this was in response to my story and not because you might've interpreted it to mean asthmatics are flawed.@@peepopopo7140

[@spacebassist]

@@peepopopo7140 did you breathe before saying it?

[@BuglordSupreme]

As a Tarot reader, that “reading” part was so damn cringy. Where did she even get that info from?

[@BrainWitchSiv]

Silver Ravenwolf?

[@koramagna]

Wikipedia?

[@hollieginoza7935]

Her rear end?

[@TheArceusftw]

Hell, even an absolute pleb like I, who's only knows about the Tarot Cards(specifically the one's of the Major Arcana) because of Stardust Crusaders, even I'm shaking my head at this BS....

[@stonefree7973]

@@TheArceusftw Same lmao.

[@JohnnyElRed]

I have to say: this novel feels much like the first draft of the novel I'm writing. In the sense that I was worried about explaining too little, or giving so very few details that the reader might not understand what I was talking about. Only that in reading that draft, I realized I actually was explaining too much, and drowning everything in inconsequential details, and unnecesary character explanations. Doesn't seem like Lani Sarem went through that second draft.

[@ayajade6683]

This is why you edit and let other people with red pens make your draft bleed

[@pikapower_kirby]

As an aspiring author with a bad habit of over-explaining, I completely sympathize. Thankfully, my best friend is also a writer and he helps me out by critiquing things. I'm very sensitive to criticism but I know I need to hear it, because oftentimes it really helps ^^;

[@isdrakon9802]

When I write I have the opposite problem because I'm very short and to the point in writing so I'll give a good scene but it might not be an entirely clear picture

[@mrlasagna5894]

"I will smack you with a book" Aight, reasonable response "And if you only publish an e-book ill hit you with a computer" HOL' UP

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Self-Insert is at least Objectively Wrong in Manga though: It has caused some of the most insane Failures in that Genre of Literature.

[@arrow_of_ravenclaw5155]

I’d smack them with a book then ice the book. It was innocent and didn’t deserve that

[@deathkorpsofkriegguardsmen8488]

If it’s published on a tank he will hit you with a tank. Same goes for plane,Gun,bayonet, and tree

[@justanotheranimeprofilepic]

Excuse while I print only in paperback

[@np8139]

The 9 dislikes are from Sarem and 8 of her alt accounts.

[@allhailthecartlord7256]

Real talk they might just be from people who don't like hearing about shitty books

[@RestlessThoughts]

Other books: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Handbook for Mortals: I'm dating the guy from the real life band Plain White T's lolz.

[@mad-hq4cz]

i like to think krimson is just samson but with an english degree his hair grows long and his patience for bad books grows with it

[@arshellnut2730]

Useless 2 cents on the chunky hair: I think chunky is often referred to large chunks of coloring. She's basically saying large sections of the bottom of her hair have been dyed - because only interesting people dye their hair.

[@asalways1504]

I thought it was referring to parts of her hair that had snarls and or dried up dead split ends. Meaning that she doesn't take care of her hair at all or goes to get it trimmed.

[@ayajade6683]

@@asalways1504 why not both dyed crusty ends

[@hernehaugen6878]

@@ayajade6683 I hate this comment, so much. Have a like for my agony.

[@TravisBroski]

This could be terrifyingly true because Lani does in real life

[@sadrabbit53]

From her author photo, it looks like she dipped the ends of her hair in paint and let it dry. So I'm not sure which "chunky" she means...

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

king of wands for Jackson, king of cups for Mac "The eight of wands, which is meant to represent Cupid's arrows, which meant he likes me" The eight of wands represents urgency or an unexpected change of circumstance. The two of cups or the lovers represent a deep personal connection. "The three of pentacles (a relationship)" In the sense of a BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP - the three of pentacles represents cooperation, collaboration, teamwork. "The three of cups, the sun, and the five of pentacles meant it would be great - but it wouldn't be perfect" the three of cups is the cup of fellowship, getting to know someone, breaking bread together the sun is hope, rebirth, the dawning of a new day the five of pentacles is destitution, ruin, desperation "The nine of cups, which meant all would be content" IT MEANS LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF THAT! It's getting what you _think_ you want, with the implication that you're forfeiting what you need to get it! The eight of wands is the heart of the matter - something needs to happen now. Make a decision and make it quick because your situation is about to change dramatically. That's contrasted with the three of pentacles, which, given that one of these two men is her coworker, tells me her job is on the line. There are three people trying to share a single asset and it's going to tear them apart. The BUSINESS relationship is what's at stake. The third card is what's happening under the surface - the three of cups certainly fits there, the whole reason she's doing this is a stupid, pointless love triangle. The fourth card is the past, the background - her life certainly has been fucking perfect up to this point, so far so good. The fifth card is ideals, expectations, intentions - that being the five of pentacles means someone here has an ulterior motive and is trying to sow chaos and bring someone to ruin. Sixth, the nine of cups - a future of meaningless, vapid, superficial victories. And then the king of wands, representing ambition and imagination, in the position that marks how the character sees herself she sees herself as a source of wonder when really she's an illusion. The 'deeper meaning' is that she's a total fraud, setting herself up for disaster. This is what I, as someone who _knows literally anything about tarot,_ get out of that reading.

[@johannesseyfried7933]

Now THAT sounds very interesting.

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

@@johannesseyfried7933 a lot more interesting than the story we got, sadly

[@ayajade6683]

Including the spread it's done in and if it's reversed or upright would also help as depending on the spread like a Celtic cross etc could change where the meaning lies. It's just so frustrating as a tarot reader and an author

[@artofthepossible7329]

"she's a total fraud, setting herself up for disaster." Well it is accurate, just in a completely different way from how her character interprets it. "The Arcana is the means by which all is revealed" indeed.

[@pikapower_kirby]

@@ayajade6683 I know absolutely nothing about Tarot and one of my first questions while Krim read that passage was "are the cards upright or upside down?" Sarem, do your research, for God's sake!

[@thepigeonmanlyon7155]

Handbook for Mortals is what happens when a G-list celebrity manager falsely believes that they have enough connections to cheat their way into a best-selling book and a movie deal, with all of the misplaced self-confidence and/or ego that follows from that.

[@bliss1819]

krimson: *mentions skyrim* me, who’s playing skyrim while listening to this video as background noise: 👁👁

[@woagnya]

👁👄👁

[@lavenderlylin]

The last time I was this early Empress Theresa was still falling from the sky with a trash bag full of soda bottles

[@chrissyevans2017]

Underrated comment

[@nancyjay790]

🤣🤣

[@rokch1ck]

Oh man do I have a story for you. LOL. Okay so. I was at a con. Wizard world. (Won't say where) but the author of this book was at a table by her lonesome and i was like "meh im bored might as well" bc thats how I am at cons. So I met her. She was super nice and surprised I was coming up to her. Now, I have NOOOO idea about the controversy. I didnt know what a booktube was up until two years ago.... and I haven't kept up with YA fiction since I was a young adult... so She was like "can I get a pic for my IG?" I was like "heck yeah" and then I bought a book for my roommate and she signed it. Im on my train back home and I was looking through my haul and decided to look up the book on Google. 😂😂 absolute MAYHEM. All this stuff about how she bought her number 1. How this is the worst book ever, and how anybody who reads it and enjoys is dumber than a doorknob. Needless to say, I was shocked lmbooooooo I gave it to my roommate and never told her the controversy surrounding it. she has never cracked it open and probably never will. The best thing about this book is that everyone has a story with it, not even realizing it.

[@HappyBirddi]

Omg that's amazing XD

[@gracekim1998]

Wow

[@Remoniq]

Krimson to his cat: "what are you doing this isnt helping" Me hovering over the subscribe button: "I think you need to rethink that statement."

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Talking about Boring Parents... Clark Kents Parents were Badasses, especially the Father, though. ...Talking about Power-Systems though: 'Nen' from "HunterxHunter" is the arguably Best; so check it out and make your own Ability-Set regarding it, will ya? Honestly, Krimson Rogue himself should do that.

[@HackerWarrior84]

Empress Teresa and Zade: *Meet* Me: Let them fight...

[@dylanchouinard6141]

Whoever wins, we lose

[@aceinspaces]

Why would they fight? They're basically the same person

[@TheFoolishSamurai]

Onision tags in and takes Zade's place in the ring

[@odd-eyes9463]

And feed them cake.

[@GOFFBITZH666]

LEMME FITE DA BIITCHJES!!!!1!1!1!!!

[@cyanidesmile7263]

So the MC is the author's self insert, the singer guy is based on a person she actually used to manage, and these characters are in a love triangle? She's writing fanfic about herself and a self shipper. Normally nothing wrong with that, except here it's based on a real person and that crosses so many boundaries.

[@AleTitan]

Not to mention she published it with her own name attached to it. At least on fanfics on the internet, it's anonymous

[@cyanidesmile7263]

@@AleTitan I don't even care about the self insert or fanfic part, it's the part where one of them is based on a real person! So, so, so many boundaries have been crossed. Like, do what you want with cartoons and OCs, who cares? But there's lines, man!

[@justanotheranimeprofilepic]

​@@cyanidesmile7263especially that she herself admits who the character is based on. Thank God this book has no audience or the guy would be hounded

[@REDACTEDbox]

Self ship fan fiction with a real guy who hates her. Sounds fun

[@treadingwater86]

19:40 That is a perfect example of what I often refer to as a 'false character-flaw'. That is, a flaw that sounds good on paper but due to the way the story is written never affects his/her life negatively. I see it a lot in fanfiction where the author shoehorns a generic flaw (like short-tempered or clumsiness) onto their character just so that they can have something that they can point to and say "my character is not a Mary Sue!" but at the same time they never let that flaw actually cause anything negative in their lives due to it either nobody important to the character having a problem with it or it being seen as endearing.

[@beefcakesmchunkerson9079]

When I write short tempered characters, I love throwing them into situations that would piss me off and writing them into a situation where they just blow a fuse. It’s fun

[@loverboymadita7811]

Wow, my name gets mispronounced all the time (to the point where everyone refers to me by nicknames now), but even I was never this bad about correcting people.... Edit: lowkey sad you haven't mentioned my boy Caleb Joseph; he did an awesome review of this book, and I think you of all people would appreciate his snark and dry wit.

[@mksabourinable]

I have a character named Oisín. It's a traditional Irish name, character's Irish - tbc from Ireland. I explain the pronunciation in two lines. "Oy-sin?" The man regarded Oisín with a bemused expression. "That's an odd name..." "It's pronounced oh-sheen, not oy-sin. It's Irish." Oisín sighed. _Bloody tans_ There. That's it. No need to dedicate a drawn out paragraph to it. It's not that hard. Do it the way it would happen in real life. [Sorry for those that don't know: tan(s) is a derogatory term (punching up not down tho) that the Irish use to refer to the British, mainly the English rather than the Scottish, Welsh, etc. tho. The man Oisín was talking to was an Englishman, so.]

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Talking about Boring Parents... Clark Kents Parents were Badasses, especially the Father, though. Talking about Power-Systems though: 'Nen' from "HunterxHunter" is the arguably Best; so check it out and make your own Ability-Set regarding it, will ya? Honestly, Krimson Rogue hopefully reads and even answers this comment.

[@annijaklamer]

I have a rare/weird name irl and I like to give my characters one, too. Usually, as in real life, it can be solved in two lines. Any more is just melodramatic.

[@Vooman]

oisin man, take me by the hand lead me to the land that you understand

[@Dreigonix]

@@theshamurai5767 HELL YEAH

[@justin2308]

That actually reminds me of how I named my main character in my first book idea too. Man, good times, good times...

[@troo_6656]

About the self-insert characters, the best executed example that comes to my mind is Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton.

[@haggisa]

Vojta Janda That was a self-insert? 😦

[@troo_6656]

@@haggisa It is kind of obvious. The message of the book is that man can't control the nature and should not tamper with power he dosen't understand. Ian Malcolm is telling this from the moment he entres the story. Honestly I love that book. It is written like a horror and phylosophycal lesson as well as lesson in science in one well construced story.

[@left-2-write28]

That was a great book, though! I highly enjoyed Ian Malcolm's character and the unique brain food at the beginning of each chapter.

[@sorcerersapprentice]

Dipper Pines from Gravity Falls is also a pretty good example. He's based on the show creator, Alex Hirsch. The show is pretty much what he wished happened when him and his twin sister, who is the inspiration for Mabel, spent time in the Pacific Northwest as children. But considering the fact that Dipper makes mistakes, has huge personality flaws, fails at some things and even gets turned down by his crush, I doubt that many people would've guessed if they never heard that tidbit.

[@gliscorpropagandaaccount1764]

Rick Riordan also said that whenever he wasn't sure what Percy Jackson would do, he'd put himself in the situation.

[@superfish0012]

"reminds me of Chris-Chan and Megan" No. You can't do this to me. My sides are not strong enough to relive that.

[@gwendolynstata3775]

There's also a chapter/issue 0.

[@TheBonkleFox]

I'm imagining Lani doing the fucking Chop Chop Master Onion Rap now.

[@AngryCerealMilk]

If you don't mind me asking, what happened with Chris Chan and Megan?

[@addicted2mako]

Angry cerealmilk There’s a documentary series about ChrisChan out now, and one of the early videos talks about what happened. A condensed version is that Chris kept overstepping Megan’s boundaries, and even put her in the comic they were making. It didn’t end in a fun way :/

[@AngryCerealMilk]

@@addicted2mako Oh ew, that's quite disturbing. I'm not surprised it ended badly, I just hope Megan is fine now

[@ShayLaLaLooHoo]

A 60yo, button-collecting retiree named Esther could be an interesting protagonist.

[@justanotheranimeprofilepic]

I can imagine a sweet old woman becoming the protagonist reluctantly

[@Mathee]

I REMEMBER THIS BOOK! I read a post about it, and then read a blog where someone reviewed the book chapter by chapter, and this book... This book is probably the closest we will have to a published My Immortal

[@laurieallen436]

My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie is actually available in Amazon for 9.99

[@Mathee]

@@laurieallen436 That actually surprises me, considering it contains characters and location owned by J. K. Rowling, and I doubt that it's the original author who put it up on Amazon

[@JohnnyElRed]

"... and this is my cat, to make sure I don't go insane!" Krimson, you have made yourself a chair out of books. I think the book already has done its job, and turn you insane. Be careful of not charging against windmills thinking they are giants to slain. XD

[@shosty575]

Is that a Don Quixote reference? Awesome!

[@XxHarrisongxX]

You know, Madoka Kaname literally becomes a god at the end of her series and she's still significantly less OP than Zade. Also there's way less interesting thematic stuff about Homura creating her own Audie Murphy out of a teenage girl's corpse and obsession.

[@Koffiee]

Another PMMM fan!!! :D

[@beefcakesmchunkerson9079]

The thing about Madoka: the entire show she’s weak and helpless and basically protected. Zade is just....hghgh

[@cam4636]

@@beefcakesmchunkerson9079 I'd say the thing about Madoka is she's actually dealing with problems beyond what any normal person could handle and the stakes are huge, so her power-up feels necessary while also fitting the basic rules of the world. Zade is just, hghghgh

[@beefcakesmchunkerson9079]

@@cam4636 agreed

[@gracekim1998]

I need to finish that anime😅

[@castielnovak400]

I just finished your Empress Theresa series this morning; so glad you're starting another series for a book that's got A LOT of colourful tabs!

[@JohnnyElRed]

Her name is Zade. Her dream was getting a job as an stage magician. Her supossed tricks are actual magic. ... Is Lani Sarem ripping of Zatanna?!

[@grayscribe1342]

Considering how overpowered Zade seems to be? I'd say yes. I'd even go one step further and say someone has read the comic Zatanna: Everyday Magic in which Zatanna finds her everyday life boring (remember, she can just conjure up gold or diamonds) and returns to Las Vegas because the excitement of being on stage trumps even being a superhero on the side. In the end she even relishes in being congratulated being the number one stage magician in Vegas by the former number one. Which tells us that the most important thing is the show, not the act. Mundane illusions and tricks matter as little as real magic if you can't draw the audience in. A detail that seems missing in this book, which alone could have made for an interesting main story.

[@evelynvas3800]

The throne of books, the perfect hair and the cat curled up on his lap gives me villain vibes, not gonna lie.

[@bonniea8189]

It sounds like this author got interested in paganism then thought she'd write a book to show how cool/edgy/knowledgeable she (thought she) was.

[@sugarveins]

as an actual pagan, i want to slap her

[@bonniea8189]

@@sugarveins As a former pagan (now atheist), same

[@spooky6703]

@@bonniea8189 As a person who enjoys quality literature, same

[@sadrabbit53]

As someone who falls into hours-long rabbit holes researching things so I don't write inaccurately or offensively, same

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

As another pagan writing tarot card readings into a book of my own, same

[@astralframes5351]

Slightly concerned (read, salty) that the triple goddess symbol is used on the cover when I’m near completely sure that none of the contents of this book relate to Wicca, especially when it’s made evident that the author has no idea what she’s talking about in terms of tarot, often used by practicing Wiccans.

[@hannagreen1271]

Honestly, this whole book is spitting on wicca, paganism and romani practices. It’s super gross and cringe to see someone writing about things they’re clearly very ignorant of.

[@uselessalpaca6777]

Y E S! THANKS FOR POINTING IT OUT, it is such an important and sacred symbol for us and barely anybody seems to realize this! I bet they only put it in because "oooh it is related to occultism, so edGY, the book has tarot reading huh? That's edgy, let's put it in!". Smh, these days we barely get any respect anymore, it's heartbreaking T.T

[@artofthepossible7329]

Give me Persona fanfiction any day.

[@bee9892]

yes thank you that bothered me so much

[@isdrakon9802]

@@uselessalpaca6777 I don't know much about wiccans but I have a lot of respect for you based on the few things I do know

[@TheAdrift]

I actually had the idea to give Sofia a happy ending by having her stay resentful of the main character, then one day she somehow realizes that she’s a fictional character and finds a portal to go hang out with other fictional characters from other universes. She learns the nature of a Mary Sue (realizing that her resentment was actually a huge red flag to the fact that she’d been cast as the villain in a protagonist-centered-morality-type story) and, figuring that the lot NEARLY killing her might be a prelude to the plot ACTUALLY killing her, she hatches a plan to hitch a ride to another story with a nice, caring guy who isn’t a womanizing prat. I know I probably can’t call it “Handbook for Fictional Characters,” but I might still write it anyway 😆

[@andretthew]

If Lani Sarem wanted clout, she should have just put your cat on the cover