Every Joke In Captain America: Civil War

Every last one of them!
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#civilwar #avengersfunnymoments

[@mcuhub4618]

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[@MrCocospy]

MORE COMPILATIONS PLEASE

[@AdzzieMac]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/gZ6vnGaZmpitbpI

[@aaron6402]

⁹⁸

[@TheEditor4587]

What about Iron Man?

[@Gastly-iz6hf]

“I retire for 5 minutes and it all goes to shit” He’s not wrong

[@arifzhofriariffikri7245]

Endgame too

[@afterstaar]

Every avengers movie hes not in is an apocalypse

[@zigzaghyena3633]

And that is why he is the best avenger.

[@cyberseai9305]

Infinity war proves it

[@AdzzieMac]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/gZ6vnGaZmpitbpI

[@LittleLiamGames]

¨Shes a kid¨ captian america complains about a 23 year old before beating the crap out of a 16 year old

[@obi-wankenobi8999]

Lol

[@Airkong423]

If we being true cap technically didn't even hurt Spidey he just stopped him......if Cap really wanted to beat the crap outta Spidey.....well you know Gi-ant would have win against War Machine

[@eiriken5316]

@@Airkong423 well... Spidey is way stronger than Cap so yeah

[@Airkong423]

@@eiriken5316 did you just a say a radioactive spider's physical strength is stronger than the guy who is the perfect super soldier I mean what???lol

[@butthead772]

@@Airkong423 Yes.

[@Escuhnor]

Howard Stark: “Studying abroad? What’s her name?” Tony Stark: “Candice” Man was truly ahead of his time

[@milesravens]

So true

[@iloveaquariums4776]

Candice dihhhhhh

[@justsomejoyousj]

HOLY SHOOT HE REALLY IS A GENIUS

[@shaunsamazingcontent9797]

I didn’t get it anyone 😔

[@justsomejoyousj]

@@shaunsamazingcontent9797 Candice is basically an alternative to ligma.

[@LyfSukz]

Just noticed for the first time that when Ant-Man meets Cap he says "thinks for thanking of me!" lol

[@inson9014]

6:42

[@trevorvanallen642]

@@inson9014 talk about being for the people💯

[@darthrevan5976]

I just saw that movie again today and I never realised it

[@lauras5359]

Really? I noticed the first time

[@kadex2123]

@DBHE ummm wat?

[@maharehman1782]

00:49 That one barf joke led to Jake Gyllenhaal gaslighting Peter Parker, revealing his identity, ruining his entire life, making him lose another guardian figure, and giving us one of the best crossover events in history. Gotta love it.

[@cortezmartinez8659]

Tony firing Quentin Beck led to the near destruction of the multiverse

[@winterlstorm4794]

@@cortezmartinez8659 tony fired quentin? I thought he just quit his job

[@cipher-one]

@@winterlstorm4794 I can't remember but either way Mysterio was clearly unhinged if all it took was one joke to set him off the rails. Him getting fired wouldn't be that surprising.

[@Kaiizerr_]

@@winterlstorm4794 no he got fired

[@blissinvariety]

Lmao "Jake Gyllenhaal". Like, it's not even Quentin Beck. It's just Jake Gyllenhaal the actor trying to get revenge on a teenage superhero

[@djgaben6187]

6:15 "Can you move your seat up?" "No 😡" Never fails to make me laugh.

[@akmaldanial67]

I think they referenced this moment in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

[@HamnimationStudios]

As if they're bickering bros on a road trip🤣🤣

[@bennyduverna3018]

Natasha: “We’re still friends rights” Clint: “Depends on how hard you hit me” Peter: “That doesn’t obey the laws of physics at all”

[@ethanmjs2]

No replies?

[@LonaMisa9]

2 replies?

[@zerocraft3608]

Ayo

[@surprisedfrogy6502]

Lol

[@soueucaasi]

i remember laughing so hard from that "who's this?" "your conscience, we don't talk a lot this days" joke so hard I almost couldn't breath after

[@elvisvan]

i find that incredibly amusing too lmao

[@soueucaasi]

@@elvisvan just a very genius joke

[@DapperNurd]

I love how the fight was in this movie. Neither side was out to kill or even really injure, they just wished to stop each other. Led to a lot of great conversations too.

[@echo_ironside8006]

*cough* black panther *cough*

[@enigmatic2878]

@@echo_ironside8006 yeah, T'challa wanted revenge

[@echo_ironside8006]

@@enigmatic2878 yes. That's the point of my comment, lmao

[@enigmatic2878]

@@echo_ironside8006 i was just agreeing

[@echo_ironside8006]

@@enigmatic2878 aight, cheers

[@lauras5359]

I love that Bucky smiles and Sam nods after Cap kisses Sharon. Love their friendships.

[@natasamilenovic591]

Yes lol

[@rezin9714]

Good bros are good bros

[@oujimandias6485]

Still got that magic with the Carterussy

[@soulftw8375]

@@natasamilenovic591 They Boys

[@melonie_1510]

The Boys lmao

[@GojiraFan-in9oo]

"Give me back my Rhodey." My favorite line of the movie

[@jameswyse6546]

“Hey buddy I think you lost this!” I’m dying 😂😂

[@NebulousVendragon]

One of my favorite lines in the whole movie, kills me every time 🤣

[@2xakl173]

Bro this is my favorite line from Peter in this movie cuz then he just casually almost knocks buckys entire fucking head off 😂😂😂

[@snowrider289]

Perfectly cut scene

[@BRESHADISL]

@@2xakl173 I'm sayin😭😭😭☝🏾💯

[@thewovenmantis6813]

Gets me EVERY time! 🤣

[@jamesperez4790]

"Jesus tony how old is this guy?" "I don't know. I didn't carbon-date him. He's on the young side"

[@and-ant984]

"You wouldn't find a lot of C14, this guy isn't toxic."

[@kaceyjohnson4440]

Pete's "HOLY SHIT!" and Clint's ever so accurate "I retire for what? Like 5 minutes and it all goes to shit." Line's are my favorite

[@thanatosstorm]

No Clint's line is on point but, *TRUCK GOES GIGANTOR* War Machine: "OH COME ON!"

[@dijolola3579]

love Peter retelling the fight to his aunt

[@hellboy19991]

And the only part that Peter lied about was that Aunt May didn't know him

[@debmalyadey1064]

@Fabian "I missed that part where that is my problem" - Peter

[@caitlinrussell841]

@@debmalyadey1064 does Tom holland ever use that famous line? I can’t think of him saying it

[@debmalyadey1064]

@Caitlin Russell I missed that part where that is my problem.

[@akmaldanial67]

​@@caitlinrussell841 Only Tobey's Peter said the line. But Andrew's Peter's version of the line is "Not my policy."

[@ethanfuller3367]

Yeo when Starks dad asked which broad he said Candace, Tony stark was seconds from being the first person to make the Candace joke.

[@joshuagoh1087]

Who’s Candace?

[@obi-wankenobi8999]

😂

[@brennanknudsen6942]

Who’s Candace? 😂

[@fnanimations980]

🎶All…for nothing at all….🎶

[@cortezmartinez8659]

Candice repulsor blast fit on YOUR face son?

[@beyonder7817]

You left out the best one. Sam: that's cold. Tony: warmer than jail.

[@Cheesecake_desu]

“Self cooking hotdog” what an idea😂

[@haydenator4751]

Sound like AIM all over again

[@watsoncouch3800]

Like a glow stick

[@gabrielpadilla7839]

Sounds Dean riffick

[@gabrielpadilla7839]

Lightsaber embedded in the meat shaft

[@LnPPersonified]

An idea on how to poison people, maybe. Or set them on fire. Or both.

[@roamer.edits.]

“Or B.A.R.F.” Beck like 10 ft away: *mission failed, we’ll get em next time*

[@Bouncybeatle0]

"Really I retire for like what five minutes and it all goes to shit." Damn right

[@owlantiegne]

Ant man had like 5 lines this whole movie but they were all hilarious 😂

[@jules9906]

I love Clint and Wanda's relationship

[@ajsgaming474]

There was never enough of it, and like the writers have always done Clint dirty but you trying to tell me Clint wouldn't have tried to help Wanda in Wanda vision when he knew she went off the rails like so many more moments Clint should have been used

[@yest1992]

@@ajsgaming474 Clint was having problems of his own? He had to get back to his family, deal with Black Widow and Tony Stark’s death. If your gonna point that out then why didn’t other avengers like hulk, captain marvel, ant man etc help her?

[@user-vo1yu6hb1v]

@@yest1992 They don't even know her that much, Only Steve, Clint, Nat maybe Sam only close with her ! (I don't have to mention Vision)

[@yest1992]

@@user-vo1yu6hb1v all the original 6 members know her bruh. Sam doesn’t know much shit bout her. It’s like your saying as if Spider-Man isn’t known much among the avengers

[@user-vo1yu6hb1v]

@@yest1992 Tony, Thor, Bruce not close to her only Clint is left that close to her and just like you said Clint have lot problems and family so can't stay with her !

[@thaddeussmithiii8065]

I think falcon is just Anthony Mackie cosplaying as himself at this point

[@ryan29550]

10:55 It's so sad that it jumps from here to the last scene with him & Rhodes. No jokes were told during the fight with Cap, Bucky, and Tony. Shows how intense that third act really is compared to other Marvel movies

[@sahasraveda4505]

thought the same

[@Sorfex1]

One of the things I'll miss most about Tony is no more Rohdes/Tony moments. Same with Bucky/Cap. They did a really solid job on making you feel the bromance between the friends in the MCU

[@mutantsandmemes]

Well the Sam and Bucky bromance is great too. Honestly I prefer it over Steve and Bucky's

[@zunaidparker]

You left out Tony's quip to Bucky: "hey Manchurian Candidate can't you see there's a truce here " Also a longer extract of the Tony Stank scene...Rhodey gets in quite a few good jokes there.

[@ia2799]

I just realized why Clint was so mad at Tony. Tony revealed Clint's family, which makes sense since Clint was put on house arrest, after Civil War.

[@Tom-oz7wk]

Clint revealed his family in avengers age of ultron when he needed a place for the avengers to lay low. He wasn't mad at stark for revealing his family, he's just annoyed cos he ended up in prison. Your incite was still a good one though. I think if you wanted to analyse it on a deeper level, it's fair to say Clint feels betrayed considering Clint and stark helped save new York and then the entire earth together but now ones in prison because of the other

[@aarushijha5772]

He revealed the family to the Avengers, not the govt and the rest of the world

[@princesscadance197]

Hearing Vision say, in his regular spoken tone, ‘Alternatively, we could order a pizza?’ made me laugh more than it should have.

[@laurabos661]

"Give me back my Rhodey" lol this movie was great.

[@blaze8529]

1:20 HAHAHAHAHAH! "The door was open so i thought i'd go through the wall" xD

[@kelly6114]

Makes no sense 😂😂

[@MC_Viewing]

"I think you dropped this!" *proceeds to yeet a huge sheet of metal at Bucky*

[@nicksterdisneyandpixarclub]

0:22 I love Falcon's joke about Redwing 😂

[@dionadair8195]

"Unless you need to move a piano". They say that wit and humor are indicators of wisdom. We only knew T'Chaka for a few minutes, but I missed him anyway.

[@poltronafrau]

“You got heart, kid. Where you from?” “Queens.” “Brooklyn.” HILARIOUS!

[@GoodBoy-cw2fg]

Could you explain hat that joke means? I never understand.

[@MsIvalane]

@@GoodBoy-cw2fg boroughs rivalry

[@MagicMason1000]

"I'm gonna sit here so you move the leg" That line was made up on the spot because Tom forgot to move his legs and they just went with it.

[@bongumenzibhengu159]

I assumed since the door was open 😆what an excuse for popping out of wall

[@jackychang9148]

He's learning. I'm sure by Infinity War he understood what was appropriate.

[@hiccuphufflepuff176]

There's so much comedy potential with these super-people just living their lives at the Avengers compound, particularly with Vision learning about humans and social norms. I wish they'd spent more time on it... Imagine: Normal-human-being Sam Wilson making a sandwich in the kitchen, and Vision silently floats through the wall behind him and starts watching over his shoulder. "..." "..." "Does the mayonnaise add nutri--" "AHH!" Or they get take-out for dinner, Steve: "Someone needs to tell Wanda the food's here." Everyone: "Not me." "No way I'm going to Wanda's room." "Have you seen the mood she's in today?" "Send Vision he's indestructible." Wanda, opening the food: "You know I can hear all your thoughts, right?"

[@raventherogue]

We were robbed of domestic avengers content fr

[@lml6791]

It’s funny how everyone says Marvel is nothing but jokes but this is only a fraction of the movie

[@nickm775]

the biggest joke is probably Elizabeth's fake Russian accent morphing into American every three words

[@niallreid7664]

I like how she sort of did it at the start of the movie then completely stopped halfway through or so. I mean it. The accent was a bad idea to begin with.

[@antonkirilenko3116]

@@niallreid7664 It wasn't, actually. She's not US citizen, she's never been in America and english is not her native language. The idea of giving her accent was correct. It's the execution of that idea that's the problem.

[@niallreid7664]

@@antonkirilenko3116 I'm not saying the character shouldn't have had one, it was just so comical that it was distracting. So they went with "don't worry about it" and dropped it. Which was the right choice imo.

[@antonkirilenko3116]

@@niallreid7664 Because the execution of that idea was bad, just like I said. But the idea itself was correct. Dropping it after they realized it's not working was a correct decision as well.

[@niallreid7664]

@@antonkirilenko3116 yeah I agree.

[@oliviahermes4646]

"Your being uncharacteristically non hyper-verbal" "it's cause he's already made up his mind" "*Boy, you know me so well*" God this man is such a mood

[@dffntneega0272]

Say what you want about this movie, we all watched this just to see Spidey in the MCU and he did not disappoint in his debut

[@kpm_ikyla]

idk what to tell you but spidey's not the only interesting character here...

[@iloveaquariums4776]

@@kpm_ikyla Not gonna lie, I feel like this was the movie that brought lots of Spidey fans to the mcu

[@kawaiiafangirl]

Spider-Man is one of my 2 favorite superheroes growing up and I loved the Raimi trilogy but people would've watched Civil War with or without him. If we all watched this movie for him, then the 2 MCU Spidey films would be the highest grossing films in the MCU outside of the Avengers films.

[@shealupkes]

Didn't he though?

[@jqxx2538]

no lol half the people watched it to watch the avengers break up and to watch other characters like black panther but sure everyone watched for spideu

[@cursedlostgirl]

“Does anyone have any orange slices?” 🍊✨🍊✨ Cracks me up every time; never fails

[@VuyoNasGold]

"And they don't give visas to weapons of mass destruction" 🤣🤣🤣

[@ethansutherland3786]

I love how you can see the temptation in t challas face to just let nag fight his bodyguard and just see what happens

[@DigitalOps]

3:52 As many times as I've heard this joke about his teeth, it just occurred to me that this joke is here/ funny because Chris Evans' father is a dentist...

[@kevonshaw9859]

"...So you like cats?" "...I got homework " "Move...or you will be moved Panther: as entertaining that will be..." "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT " " YOU HAVE A METAL ARM!? THATS AWESOME DUDE!" all favorites

[@Mfalme254_]

"Move or you will be moved" was the best line in this movie 😂

[@thepogoplayer4938]

You missed the one where Rhodes brings out the shock stick and says “alright cap this won’t kill you but it ain’t gonna tickle either”

[@atedalynvlog5975]

"That's cold" "Warmer than jail"

[@jazzstar145]

I’m just now noticing how honorable it was for Clint to disarm himself before introducing himself to T’challa lol

[@virtuoso2991]

He wasnt disarming, he was turning his bow into a weapon he can use up close.

[@grimm6176]

5:24 apparently in the original script, tom was supposed to sit in a way that had space for rdj but he forgot so he told tom to move the fuck up while still in character :P

[@Tekno994]

The way Sam and Bucky were cheesing at Cap was such a bro moment 😂

[@ruthzkipaderna4079]

"secretary Ross has one congressional medal of honor..." how this become a joke??!!

[@kristy9535]

i feel like it´s the sentence after, something like "that´s one more that you have" that it´s supposed to be funny

[@crystallxix1493]

The joke is that the other guy has none. It toys with the fact that congressional medals of honour are literally almost impossible to get and treats it like some minor competition

[@AFlyingSwive]

@@crystallxix1493 also because ross made his own mess when he tried to deal with a green guy

[@Rheubie]

"A pinch" of paprika would never be the measurement for chicken paprikash, so Wanda's correct, that's not paprikash.

[@todogirl1258]

Scott and Peter’s scenes are the best

[@kaizen1496]

0:48 Well someone didn't like this joke.

[@enigmatic2878]

And now someone's identity has been revealed to everyone he knows. Ouch.

[@RockinReads]

5:55 “really, I retire for what, 5 minutes and it all goes to shit?” I fuckin love Hawkeyes character

[@civadan8006]

Everytime someone resists the winter soldiers metal arm he has a facial expression of surprise always better than the last 1.

[@leaernst]

no one's talking about the "i detected them too" yet here i am laughing about it every time i think of it..

[@quagmire1130]

4:48 The way he looked at him like "Dont fuck this up kid" 🤣🤣🤣

[@xanthos9641]

7:56 best part lmao

[@afolabimishael147]

8:31 🤣🤣🤣best Ant-Man line

[@naikosei1585]

3:11 pretty rich coming from a dude named “falcon”

[@katalystkatapatheticalyssa5987]

"I retire for 5 minutes and it all goes to shit." Yes, Hawkeye. Yes.

[@julianned2187]

4:48 I LITERALLY OWN THE MUG HE IS HOLDING!!!!

[@TheScania1991]

"Move...or you will be moved." Chad was right, that would have been a sight to see :D

[@Devilke]

5:18 In reality it turns out Tom really didn’t see through those 😁😁

[@bennyduverna3018]

The captions said so as well

[@ltrain7715]

Ant-man’s reaction to cap would totally be everyone of our reactions

[@pransis]

Scott: Thinks for thanking of me.

[@erickcastillon1613]

this was the right amount of humor in any modern, marvel movie. unlike nowadays movies, there's a joke being unnecessarily made every couple of minutes, and ruining important character building and such

[@oliviahermes4646]

"....So you like cats?" "Sam" "What? Dude shows up dressed like a cat and you don't wanna know more?" "Don't thank me" "I'm not thanking that thing" "His *name* is Redwing" "Still not petting him" "He's cute right? Pet him!" "I have an equation" "Oh, oh this'll clear it up!" "Aren't you the same woman that told the government to kiss there ass a few years ago?" 2:39 *No text needed* "I better not look out the window and see anybody flying around in that" Truly why Sam is the best character in the mcu

[@jeanettelori1439]

9:40 lets just appreciate peter, who caught bucky's arm, was stopped effortlessly by tony

[@_j5126]

Imagine having such a good joke that it creates an entire villain

[@despacito2.843]

T’Challa: two people can get more done in a room than 100 T’Chaka: unless you need to move a piano

[@mayochup]

"I'm Clint." "I DON'T CARE."

[@jeanettelori1439]

10:31 shows such good attention to detail. While now $3 seems like maybe two turns, since it was 1940-ish that would have been around $64 dollars. THE DETAILS

[@Roysin]

Holyyyy

[@nathanielfrancisco4284]

5:18 the moment i'am just laughing of RDJ's stupid sound

[@October-oj3nz]

WOoooAAHHhhhhOOOO

[@kyrcamille9106]

wanda: what are you doing here? clint: *disappointing my kids*

[@rrows5803]

Vision trying to be human is, to be frank, the best part of this movie

[@CaptainOblivious69]

The Avengers are just a bunch of comidians that save the world from timt to time

[@infinitygaming5219]

Everyone is like aunt may is attractive and hot xD

[@skyshatter3633]

well .. she is

[@jameswalton5733]

Peter in a fight is too damn sassy for his own good lol

[@loka7783]

Fun fact: Peter quips to keep from screaming in terror, at least in the comics. :)

[@akeemtinsley3498]

The nod from Sam and Bucky always makes me laugh.

[@babayaga8963]

6:27 best😂

[@queennoneya601]

Chris Evans is one of the most socially tuned in actors of our times. And, he kinda fly.

[@timyang2996]

"Manchurian Candidate, you're killing me here" is my favorite line lmao

[@Minetic]

Props for there not being jokes during the Cap/WS vs Ironman; if Joss Whedon did this movie there definitely would’ve been jokes during that fight Tony: “I don’t care he killed my mom” WS: “My bad dude”

[@kagithkagith]

Notice how the jokes in the early marvel films were way nor intentional. Comedy to build character, show the dynamics between characters, or occasionally even drive the plot forward. They felt way more integrated into the narrative. They didn't bring the story to a halt or undercut the seriousness of the moment. Marvel adopted comedy in the completely wrong way

[@joshuataylor8316]

6:20-6:29 has gotta be my favorite joke in the movie. It's simple, relatable, and doesn't require dialogue to be funny.

[@Raceboy66.2]

7:16 my favorite scene even if its just a second long. shows that peter is not to be underestimated which Bucky severely did at this point which is why hes like "the shit? how did this kid stop my punch with not much effort?"

[@williampolli986]

0:40 lmfao he hit him Candice

[@andysyark4696]

Clint Hawkeye "i retired for 5 minute and everything goes to shit" Avengers literally lost in infinity war. .. and theennnn come the Hawkeye Disney+. How much shittier its going to get after he actually hang his bow for good?

[@ChaplainPhantasm]

"Lordie, can you even see in these??" *looks through mask* *[STROKE NOISES INTENSIFIES]* I think that sums up the entirety of all Spiderman masks (Especially the 2099 costume)

[@singularitygaming4893]

7:43 I think I found the only time Tom Holland's accent has slipped

[@astervix]

11 minutes of humor in a 2 hour long movie

[@scarletwitch8085]

Its not a comedy

[@sleepingrrandom2876]

Almost as if it... its not a comedy show...

[@dominictuma5709]

"what's your name" RDJ: candice

[@saskruffriders8234]

Peter: His friend was huge. Like HUGE. LMAO Welcome to the MCU Mr Parker!

[@that_one_random_person7776]

i love how at the end, peter actually did tell aunt may the truth, he just left out the details

[@JusstDexx]

“Table for 2 Mr Stank, please by the bathroom” A shame this wasn’t put in the video