Ex-Inmates, What Was The Stupidest Thing You've Seen A New Inmate Do First Day In Prison?

Ex-Inmates, What Was The Stupidest Thing You've Seen A New Inmate Do First Day In Prison?
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[@firezone8770]

Andrew on his way to play the worst games of rocket league imaginable

[@thetester755]

Glad I'm not the only one that pays attention to the games!

[@ryzukumagawa7143]

So I wasn't imagining that he sucked at rocket league don't play so it was hard to tell

[@-Psy]

Made it hard to enjoy the video

[@fartyturd4084]

@@ryzukumagawa7143 ngl though he plays like Leonardo DaVinci paints compared to me

[@colemclain3579]

Yes

[@donnycarrier6220]

Brother was a CO. He said the loudmouths that think they're tough are always the softest and get put in their place. He said it was the quiet squirrely ones that needed to be watched out for. He told me there was this short, 150 lb dorky dude with glasses that kept to himself and was cool and complied with the other COs doing a few months for a DUI and property damage. Anyway, two inmates tried to jump him for supposedly being a snitch or whatever when he was in his cell. Dorky dude had those two other inmates laid out with multiple fractures to where they had to be admitted to the hospital. Come to find out, dorky dude was heavily trained in martial arts and boxing and just made a stupid decision that ended up with him crashing his car. Moral of the story, you're gonna meet someone badder than you are. Stay humble.

[@Tyreker]

Damn even in prison you gotta watch out for the quiet kid🤣

[@paddington1670]

Some of the best advice I ever got as a young man was _"you dont actually know who anyone is, respect everyone first, until they give you a reason not to"_ - foreman i had after i was being mouthy. He then told me about dragging a man in his door jam when a road rager opened his door in traffic, just to teach him a lesson for thinking he has the right to bully my foreman. I have NEVER forgotten that. He had a lot of good advice actually, here's another he told me when I didnt lock up my belt at the end of the day, i just hung it up because it was wet, and someone stole my titanium hammer after we all left, or in the morning before I got there, pretty sure i know who stole it too, _"if your stuff is in plain view, consider it already stolen and not actually a theft, you lost it for being foolish. Once your stuff is stowed away or locked up, is when it becomes theft."_ I dont quite agree with this one, but he's not wrong either, it's just life experience to know better. The next time I was at my parents' place, I moved all my Dad's tools and junk that's worth a lot from being visible, to not being visible, and even locked the ladders up, because it was easy to do so.

[@Skoopyghost]

I go by this rule. You're loud and need attention. Unintelligent person probably, but the quiet person who says nothing, just watches and listens. It's the person who you don't mess with.

[@josetteandres]

Never been to jail/prison, but I'd hardly speak to anyone if I did. Would only speak if asked a question, responding to someone greeting me/saying goodbye, apologizing for something, or trying to get medical help for myself or a fellow inmate. I'd also be the inmate that you shouldn't fight with, because I'll do what it takes to defend myself. Would stay away from drugs, gangs, and fights.

[@neil12011]

Can confirm this. Worked as a CO for about 10 years. The quiet ones were always the ones you kept an eye on. We had a guy in for murder (strangled his wife), and he was loud, and tried to run the dorm. He continually picked on smaller guys (he was about 6’-4” 250lbs). One of the smaller guys went up to him and without saying a word proceeded to beat him unmercifully. He was a former amateur boxer and the resulting beating left the big mouth guy looking like Quasimodo. It was the fastest thing I’ve ever seen, just a few seconds and flurry of unrelenting punches.

[@byronwolf8692]

I love how a Canadian prison is still more wholesome than society in any other country.

[@DjGrimmace]

As a Canadian even I was surprised.

[@samuelshin593]

By wholesome you mean letting child rapists and murderers free while imprisoning people who defend their children

[@shawntilton9170]

It's a crime to rape another inmate in Colorado prison.

[@Icalasari]

@@samuelshin593 You're mixing up the shit legal system with the inside of the prisons there

[@triggerlicious9464]

@CITRUS that shit dosent even count as a prison at that point

[@xetlas5938]

I've seen that faking a disorder to go to a mental institution is the worst idea as if you got nothing, it's gonna be even worse than prison

[@marquisdelafayette1929]

Read an article about how our country uses the police to handle mental illness and the consequences of that. One father had his son arrested because he had checked himself out after a 72 hour hold and wanted to get him help. Said it was the worst decision he ever made. The son broke in to the fathers home and took a chef boyardee ravioli can and he was arrested for that as he was ranting about nanotechnology under his skin. He was held by the judge after he was ruled to be incompetent to stand trial and was to be remanded for psychiatric care. Of course, that didn’t happen. He was put in solitary as most of the people with severe mental illness usually are because they don’t follow stupid rules. But he decompensated to the point the guard told his father that it was pointless to visit because he wouldn’t recognize him. He spent over 600 days like this “waiting for a bed” in a facility, but once a story ran they magically found a bed the next day. His father said it was the biggest regret of his life.

[@MyHighHorse]

They do most medical testing on mental patients since they are state property. It is done more nowadays since the government stopped medical testing as much on the soldiers. The u.s. military accounted for 85% of human testing at one point.

[@handlsarelame]

I have a friend who did this the first time he went away. Said as soon as he got there he went noooope just playin get me out of here.

[@gabrieladebisi5828]

If you aren't crazy going in you probably will be by the time you get out

[@Christopher-ej2bs]

They say that so you will not seek the coddling you will get at the psych shop!

[@Minuteman_Medic]

I spent three weeks in a county jail and absolutely agree that the best advice is to just mind your own business and not act like you're someone you're not. Once the other inmates learned I was in there on a gun charge and nothing sexual, no one had a problem with me and it was a pretty laid back experience. No one cared about my race and I can't say there were any inmates I had a genuine problem with.

[@LastBastian]

Young Native American kid's first day at Max security prison. His cellmate, a big older black dude, starts talking about how pretty the kid is and how that night he's going to "R" him, etc etc... Door unlocks, older dude lays down for a nap. Kid goes to another cell, and uses a borrowed crock pot to *boil a full bottle of baby oil.* Calmly walks back to his cell, and pours the entire pot of boiling oil on his sleeping would be R'ist's head. ...they had to life-flight the dude out of prison in a helicopter. Seen him come back a couple years later. ... nothing like a melted head to teach you not to threaten and underestimate people like that.

[@NAT-turners-Revenge]

😂

[@coreyspray1546]

I've only stayed a few days in jail but I learned some people will test you. This guy asked if I was gonna give him my food and I said I'd give him anything I didn't care to eat. He basically told me good answer and never asked for my food whenever I got it. I did give him the stuff I didn't care about though out of mutual respect.

[@HeyitsthatguyMatt]

My Grandpa was a C.O. and he had a prisoner set fire to his matress in order to get all the guys on that block to have their doors open to evacuate. Anywho my Grandpa walks right up to the cell and the guy said "hey you got to evacuate me!" And my Grandpa replied "you're smart enough to start a fire, I'm sure you're smart enough to put it out." And carried on with his day.

[@GrayRain0]

Fuckin savage.

[@itoe.1495]

😂😂😂

[@mathiask7959]

I spent a week in county jail for a driving offense Doing chores, the door wouldn’t close correctly The jailer comes to the window saying the door isn’t closed I replied ‘’Don’t tell me we’re stuck in here!’’ Long pause, laughter from everyone else,and a mild glare 😂😂😂

[@MSP_]

You're the kind of guy that makes the pen bearable, or any situation for that matter, cheers m8 🤣

[@d3ro876]

@@MSP_ yup, they need them

[@jsock8091]

Would you say that was worthit to pay off the ticket? Like im being so fr rn i got no money lol

[@duewhat9815]

Most prisoners, including the hardest ones don't give a damn what you did or who you did it to, the only thing they care about is if you're weak or you fight, kill, or smuggle, if you can't do one of these three things you have no friends and if you're weak (which child rapists tend to be) with no friends you wont last.

[@tillyfuller370]

unless its to do with children, i think its a universal thing around all prisons worldwide

[@chiefbigtoe7260]

that is mostly hollywood . They just don't care unlessif you are a kid diddler or woman rap3r

[@RaspberryHugs]

also women. prisoners have been murdered for targeting women

[@ryanbadgett9107]

Most prisoners *hate* child rapist or rapist or SA’s however sometimes if it’s like a fight with a woman I don’t think they’ll care

[@anonymousanonymous6796]

@@RaspberryHugs nobody cares about women anymore. Its just children.

[@donaldsalkovick396]

I love all of the prison professors offering their expertise and "the rules" I did a couple years minded my business didn't disrespect anyone zero problems

[@shawntilton9170]

You must have been in a minimum security prison. Because I started in max, then I got shipped to medium, where they call it gladiator school. I tried my best to do my time, go to school, participate in anger management classes, and I was still forced into fights that I didn't ask for. I won several, and lost several. It's difficult to defend yourself against two people in a tiny cell. But never was I sexually assaulted. Nor was anyone else sexually assaulted. As it's a serious crime to rape another inmate in Colorado state prison.

[@aliliz7204]

@@shawntilton9170 it's horrible to rpe anyone period

[@10thletter40]

@@aliliz7204 I don't know personally but crimes aren't viewed the same in prison homie. Laws outside aren't laws inside

[@shawntilton9170]

@@10thletter40 The laws are the same, but the rules are different. There are rules by the prison, and rules by the inmates. If you stab someone, regardless if you kill them, you will be taken to solitary confinement, and either be sent directly to maximum security, or the local jail in the county of the prison, where you will be formally charged, and likely wait to be convicted. And if they can't take you to the local county jail, you'll be kept in solitary confinement, until your sentenced or found innocent. I do know, because I've seen it happen.

[@jsock8091]

@@aliliz7204 do you think they cared? The only reason they didnt do it was because the risk:reward where risk outweighs the reward

[@greenapple9477]

Imagine getting punished for laughing at a fart, I mean, come on.

[@MSP_]

Please, as if you can handle, even a fraction of my power. 🗿 *BRRRAAAAAAAAAPPPPP*

[@MA-oz2rn]

That stupid guy ironman remix absolutely killed me from laughter, I wasn't expecting that, it just killed him not from laughter.

[@FigmentPigmentCrosserTosser]

fr that shit was funny, i'm not gonna lie when it said ' until some guy tripped him' i burst out laughing.

[@stupid4867]

I may be 25 but I’ll always have the sense of humor of a 9 year old

[@MA-oz2rn]

@@stupid4867 “When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” ― C.S. Lewis

[@LemoneVR]

Rules of prison you need to know to survive: if you did anything illegal to a child, you are dead.

[@chrisquiett1776]

“We don’t know or agree with him” Me: please don’t take away our commissary, I just got it 😅

[@davemeads859]

Didn't see the incident but saw the consequences. Guy I knew thought the old fairy tale about "you find the biggest meanest man on the yard and knock his ass out" was true I saw the photos that were taken at hospital, turns out swinging on a convict twice your size is pretty bad for your health 🤕🤒

[@Tyreker]

There’s a reason why their the biggest and meanest guy in jail😂

[@dragondude9637]

Don't forget that big huge mean looking guys are also often in a gang.

[@baconsandwhich]

💀

[@godemperorletoatreidesii6971]

Now that I think about who ever said that probably never got locked up 🤣

[@davidhowell1415]

Lesson 1 in prison, watch what shoes people are wearing. If flops are on it’s going to be chill but if boots are on then we’ll get ready

[@prisonmike8214]

Mexican got on boots

[@nicedward7544]

@@prisonmike8214 lmao

[@TheSandwhichman108]

Let’s be honest the best thing to do when sent to prison is just keep your mouth shut,follow the rules and keep to yourself.

[@DinnerForkTongue]

It's like life everywhere, really: zip your mouth shut, prop your eyes and ears open, and do your damndest to stay away from trouble, coz if you want it, you're for sure gonna find it with free second servings.

[@Tyreker]

My dad was in prison when he got a new cell mate, dude was telling my dad something about my dad going to bashed next (my dad was in for sleeping with a minor he picked up from a bar and the other guy was there for sleeping with over 100 kids since he was a babysitter) My dad beat the absolute sh!t outta him, guards got there after a while. My dad walked out asking the guards if he was in trouble and they basically said he wasn’t cause they wanted to that themselves

[@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307]

Why does your dad hate pedophiles when HE himself slept with a child?

[@Tyreker]

@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 because the one he picked up was 1. At the bar at the time when he picked her up (since your a kid I’ll explain that to be in the bar you must be 18 years old) so she lied about her age 2. She slept with 4 other guys and put them into jail all for a 20K pay out each time (my dads the 5th guy she’s done this to) 3. She tells everyone she’s 18 on all her socials and says she’ll sleep with any one for some green (she done this during the court case between my dad and her which is being used as evidence against her) So in other words my dads the victim here and she’s the one purposely sleeping with older guys lying to them about her age

[@Tyreker]

@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 there’s a big difference between ped0’s purposely sleeping with children and guys that got tricked into sleeping with a teenager

[@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307]

@@Tyreker well tell your dad that I'm calling him a hypocrite and would love to give him a piece of my mind

[@Tyreker]

@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 you don’t see the flaw in your thinking do you? So if you goto the bar/club one day and pick up a 17 year old chick telling everyone that she’s 18 and sleep with her. Does that make you a hypocrite even tho you were the one that was lied to?

[@packerpacker556]

When I was 17 I went to state prison and saw a dude tell everyone he “demanded respect” literally said that to a tank of 48 inmates. By the end of the night he had to be taken to infirmary

[@shadowstrider42]

Basically, don't even consider rocking the boat before you know the boat, or you'll end up swimming with sharks.

[@standard-carrier-wo-chan]

I love how even for prison inmates, there are some lines that are not meant to be crossed. Now don't get me wrong, people who entered prison for violence, murder, heists, and stuff like that are evil, and I don't dispute that, but I feel like I can rest easy knowing that even they won't stoop down to the realms of child predators, and if there's one that was caught, the predator would be crippled or dead the minute they entered the general prison complex.

[@shawntilton9170]

In my 5 year visit to Colorado Department of Corrections, I learned that there are separate laws and rules. Laws and rules from the correctional facility, and laws and rules amongst inmates. Colorado prisons have a severe punishment for the rape of another inmate. You are not allowed to touch a rapist or child molester. Most chomos spend their time in PC. If another inmate has their food or drink in the gen pop microwave, you don't fucking touch it, and you don't fucking walk away from it. Both outcomes will be an automatic fighting challenge. And you have to respond to the disrespect you have just received. I saw a new booty get stabbed to death, because he removed a burrito of a 2x killer, who had just been approved for parole and mandatory release. This guy was at home in prison and didn't want to go. So this new booty gave him the excuse to pick up another murder charge. I've never seen something so violent in my life. He was slinging that dude's blood everywhere. I was one table away, and had blood all over me, that the guards thought I had also been stabbed. Everyone was ordered to the ground, and a rubber ball explosion went off next to them, peppering a bunch of us. I got out on Jan 4 2004, and I still have one of the rubber balls that I grabbed off the floor. I've sense never gotten in trouble for anything. Not even a speeding ticket. And I have several fulltime law enforcement friends who know that I did time, but I have fought to make a good name for myself. For those of you who are active criminals, it's not worth the loss of time, friends, family or everything you have built for yourself.

[@andrewpinkham9904]

i was making a delivery to a tractor store.The guy i was delivering to used to be a guard at a federal prison but lost his job when he was beaten so badly that his kidneys quit functioning.He complained about his fellow guards abandoning him when he called for help.Shift change and his replacement told me dont have any sympathy for the guy.He brought it on himself.He used his position as a guard to cause trouble between inmates then he would call for help.After months of this his coworkers told him"one more time and were not coming to your aid"obviously they meant it

[@NAT-turners-Revenge]

😂👍

[@anonymousbosch9265]

A guy was “jokingly” calling guys chomo in the brig who were there for minor offenses and he was dealt with roughly

[@DinnerForkTongue]

That was just asking for it.

[@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307]

Why do prisoners hate pedophiles while actual devils not care. Is there ANY place on earth where you could talk about pedophilic stuff and people wouldn't mind?

[@sphereyahya]

@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 name checks out.

[@pokemuco]

@@sphereyahya ong

[@Emily-the_funny_guys]

Stupid thing I saw in prison of a new inmate was asking where the hairdresser was. Young girl, who was a mummies girl.

[@burymeinjhenny918]

Do u remember what she was in for?

[@HighAdmiral]

It's disturbing how some descriptions of these prisoners make them sound more like beasts than men. Then again, there's a reason they are in prison...

[@Eterna7Forms]

A lot of them have sub 80 IQs they are functionally animals.

[@killeanmcchesney5138]

Guys first time ever locked up for anything. Good guy kept to himself barely spoke much English but no problem. He went to take a shower and slipped out of his shower shoes because he “didn’t want to get them wet” we had to break it down to him that that is what they are for lol. Another guy from awhile back was mentally off and plugged the shower drain so he could take a bath. With the tile entrance there’s a step that basically keeps about a little less or more than a foot. He took his bath and got out. About a day later he starts scratching his legs and balls nonstop. He ended up getting some form of athletes foot all over his balls and upper legs. You could walk by his cell and he would be putting layer after layer of lotion on trying to calm it down. That’s why you need shower shoes because of all the bacteria and viruses you can catch. Probably catch an STD from it as well.

[@hanast.claire2546]

It's very depressing how disgusting our prisons are in every sense of the word

[@Samual_33]

That is nasty shit

[@killeanmcchesney5138]

@@hanast.claire2546 well here’s the thing dude. You have hundreds of thousands of people coming in and out and a lot of them were in some absolutely atrocious living conditions that basically led them to getting busted. You have all these guys using all the appliances and showers and trays and cleaning supplies and sharing everything. You can only use so many of the top shelf chemicals to kill that Bacteria before it eventually grows immune to those said chemicals. And they don’t wash those trays cups and sporks all that great either and they get traded out to a different person sometimes several times a day every day at every meal.

[@killeanmcchesney5138]

@@hanast.claire2546 you are not supposed to have this many guys living together in a crowded space for long periods of time it’s just begging for problems to happen. How the system thinks it works and operates is alright is beyond me. It’s just a racket protected by the state and government

[@EneTheGene]

@@killeanmcchesney5138 Is your alternative to not have prisons at all?

[@ronaldstriker]

I Know i shouldn't of laughed at <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="302">5:02</a> but the way it was sang by andrew just broke me.

[@zdane5524]

I can't stop laughing because I'm trying to imagine everyone's disbelief and because I can't understand why he thought it would be a good idea to do that. xD

[@ryanreedgibson]

Even in county jail rapist or anyone who victimizes a child get's hurt. I had ninety days in Maricopa County and it was a great. Literally the best time of my life. You have to chose your gang on day one and its by race. You have no choice and will have to be jumped out of your race if you wanted to join another. I became the head of the woods (white gang) after 30 days because I was respectful and helped out. I was also given the title of honorary Paisa (Mexicans from Mexico gang) after 14 days so I got the greatest hooch for free every day. Being head Wood meant that I had "torpedo's" which is big ass-kickers who settle issues of violence on behalf of your race. Never used them. I have never been in a fight or been violent. On my 50th day, a new terrifying-looking white guy came in and called me a bitch. Big no-no and being head of the woods I had to deal with it. Went into the bathroom and thought to myself "I had better fight like my life depended on it". My arm length make it so easy and I regretfully put him in medical. Anther wood who was looking at ten years took the fall for me out of respect! From that moment on my nickname was karate kid. Jail shouldn't be fun and I am sure it's not for most. I consider myself very lucky because I don't look tough at all.

[@RedoAll]

Respect for Anther Wood

[@phantomspaceman]

🙄

[@henny6943]

R/that happened

[@hoangling4344]

You are full of it. I did two rounds in Maricopa County and it's nothing. It's jail. You stay in Pods and there is no recreation outside or mess hall. Everyone stays in their pods and pods hold about 30 cells. People separate by race in the pods when it comes to playing cards, chatting, or eating but that's about it. There's very little violence because you're so closely supervised. That's why people say that prison is better than jail, you have more freedom in prison. You have a yard, sports, rec, classes, jobs, etc. in prison but in jail you just sit in your cell or go out to your pod to watch tv or play cards. You're trying make jail into some sort of tough prison that you saw in movies. You're full of it. You're not going to be an 'honorary Mexican' and beat up white guys enough to put them in the hospital and have someone else take a fall for it. You've been watching too many movies. The guards are right there in front of you all the time, they see what is going on. It's jail, not prison. You're exactly the kind of punk who would get his ass beat when you arrive at prison. All talk, all BS, but you can't back it up, punk.

[@martinverner7390]

Uh huh huh 'wood'

[@-BUILT_LIKE_A_BAG_OF_MILK]

Telling a new guy to put his name down for the swimming, a new guy saying he couldn't be locked behind his door because he had claustrophobia, he wanted the door left open and he promised he wouldn't leave the cell. A new guy saying to screws he worked in kitchens outside and was going to get his certificates sent in to prove it because he wanted to serve the food out on the hotplate. Probably many more I could remember but that's what springs to mind.

[@matthewbergman6803]

These stories illustrate why the prison system needs to be reformed.

[@grantwiler7898]

Or not. Maybe we need societal reform so people can have some self control and stop themselves from going to prison. Not committing felonies is actually really easy, believe it or not.

[@matthewbergman6803]

@@grantwiler7898 Innocent people go to prison and jail all the time. If you’re arrested by a crooked cop and can’t afford bail, you’re stuck in jail until your hearing (which can take years). If you are told to confess to a crime you didn’t commit for a lighter sentence, you go to prison. Cops are scum.

[@grantwiler7898]

@@matthewbergman6803 in an innocent until proven guilty system this doesn't happen near as often as you think. Fact of the matter is, prison is a punishment, not a vacation. No one cares what happens to you in prison.

[@matthewbergman6803]

@@grantwiler7898 We don’t live in that system, contrary to popular belief. We live in a system where if you have money, you can afford a good lawyer, not one who will tell you to take a plea deal to avoid trial.

[@shutup6731]

Idrk about that. It's incredibly easy to avoid going to prison and getting felonies, so the people who do these things are just horrible people and I don't see why they should have it easy. Like the other person said, prison is a punishment not a vacation. People don't need to have an easier time in prison, it is used as a way to deter people from doing anything to get imprisoned in the first place. Obviously it isn't bad enough if people are still stupid enough to commit the worst crimes known to man. It seems bad enough for ME to stay out, but others see it as almost a rite of passage for whatever reason.

[@FurryEskimo]

Ignoring the real monsters in jail, it super scares me how many of these stories are openly about killing or nearly killing someone in our prisons, and next to nothing about programs to help them become better people..

[@Shiruvi]

look up 'penal labour in the united states'. there's a lot of money tied up in the prison "industry" that relies on keeping the prisons full. that's why.

[@FurryEskimo]

@@Shiruvi I’m aware, but to fix that the prisons need taxpayer money, and people are stingy, even when the investment will literally save them money on the long run and improve the town. When Covid first started my local prison asked for extra money so they could prepare and were told no. Everyone in the prison became sick and they needed to let people out to bring down the prison’s population density, then people complained that they hadn’t been prepared for Covid. (I don’t like that taxpayers have this amount of power and ignorance..)

[@vixen878]

@@FurryEskimo then take the power away from the taxpayer and give it to the worker.

[@FurryEskimo]

@@vixen878 How would that fix anything about the prisons? Regardless of who’s paying or in charge, people generally don’t like programs that benefit criminals, especially in America.. The workers in prisons are reported to beat the prisoners they don’t like, they would also have biased opinions and policies on how the work/money should be handled. Imagine if they decided to cut funding for heat/air conditioning for the prisoners they dislike? (Oh, wait, no, they already do that. Dang, we have a legit problem..)

[@vixen878]

@@FurryEskimo by workers i mean collectively. Only those who work in a job may decide, not the ones on pension or college etc. Political power to the only people who matter. As for the prisons, they should be turned into those we see in Norway or sweeden forcobly amd private prisons (and all private property) should be abolished and taken over by the state. No one can say or do anything about this with a fully unionised workforce.

[@trusttheprocess5618]

Only time you should fight while your locked up is if someone try’s to test you if you let them beat you up your a target for your food ,commissary ect, you atleast try to fight and pass (even if you get your ass beat ,take it) then they won’t really bother you.

[@BasicCoverMan]

"In Canada we don't rape people in prison. It was my first day and I didn't know this golden rule" Thought that one was going somewhere dark

[@MirelurkMaster]

At least some prisoners have morals

[@leahartman4354]

Poor Gentle Giant :( I hope his legs are better now

[@XsnipxrmainX]

My 1st time in I was laying on my stomach in the lounge room ( I was in residential) as that was also my bedroom at the time. All 5 of the blokes came up to me with no pants on and tried to freak me out... I stood up pulled mine down made it hard and said let's go blokes and they all ran back to their rooms 🤣🤣

[@LastBastian]

...weirdest coming out of the closet story I've heard in a while.

[@XsnipxrmainX]

@@LastBastian yeh bro I'm gay as

[@lesliemartin3]

This girl thought she was this bad ass because she had been charged with battery on a Leo among other things and she tried acting like she was happy to be back and tried getting other inmates to hand over their commissary. Basically just being a bully. Well the COs weren't happy to see her already foraging relationships with inmates strictly to manipulate them so right after classification she was put into solitary for her own safety. When they were asking her to get her stuff we could hear her screaming a bunch and we all had a collective laugh....

[@NAT-turners-Revenge]

You look tough 😎

[@lesliemartin3]

@@NAT-turners-Revenge yes, very tough indeed. My nickname in the joint was the bricklayer. It was on account of my culinary skills. I could do some amazing things with a cup soup and some cheese sauce😆

[@literallyleo3247]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="16">0:16</a> once someone in my family *I forgot who it's an old story* was 12 years old he was walking down the sidewalk and the hells angels were driving by. But he forgot THAT HE HAD HIS HITCH-HIKING SIGN OUT so there he was with the leader saying wanna ride sonny boi and he tried to say no but they kind of forced him. Anyways the leader said ever used a motorcycle? and he said no but I've used a scooter and the leader said it's a bit different. Then they took him to where he had to go. He said they were pretty nice to him though. This story is like at least 40 years old.

[@alexanderfretheim5720]

Honestly biker gangs are mostly pretty great people. They have A LITTLE BIT of a violent side, but if you act reasonably and treat people well they're very unlikely to target you. Also, to clarify: they don't actually have to kill someone to earn their jacket, they just have to take an oath that they are willing to and be believed.

[@algo7330]

great video keep it up man❤

[@malokk5773]

Now I'm going to have the Iron Man parody stuck in my head all day, thanks.

[@DJShire_ATL]

lol I know right. Today at work I literally had to stop myself several times from singing that shit out loud. Especially near one of my black coworkers.

[@Space-Milk]

I dont know if it’s wholesome that people fuck up rapists or people who mess up with kids in anyway, but it’s nice nonetheless:)

[@Tyreker]

Couldn’t be prouder of my dad for messing up a guy who slept with over 100 kids in prison

[@Space-Milk]

@@Tyreker you go random persons dad!

[@cheeks_of_the_boreal_valley]

@@Tyreker over a 100 kids ?? WTF ? That should be death penalty

[@Jc-sd2rj]

It really isn't, most child rapists die before finding all the victims.

[@Space-Milk]

@@Jc-sd2rj I don’t understand

[@redlimes4808]

I'm impressed that the reader knows how the Houston gang pronounces their name. Most people would naturally assume it is pronounced the same way as the city

[@ijustdocomments6777]

Ah, you answered the one question I had, which was, "wtf is he saying it like that". 😂

[@andmicbro1]

Well and in Texas they say "Youston". The H is basically silent.

[@humanoidbig3679]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="797">13:17</a> this reminds me so much of cyanide and happiness big hug bill

[@The_Forgoten1]

love how everyone ruins rapists

[@lalaonsixthh1809]

I asked this to my husband who has been to prison, he said "Someone actually went and asked for their F-15-H form. We felt kinda bad for him after" I was so confused and had to ask him to explain it to me.

[@radiantphoenix_5147]

I really hate it when they put ones in there that just drone on and on. The two british guys in bankok could have been about 2 minutes shorter

[@BewareTheCarpenter]

If saying you're a badass gets you jumped by 5 guys, aren't they sort of admitting they believe you since none of them are willing to take you on solo?

[@Jc-sd2rj]

lmao it took 5 of you to stab me There are no rules idiot

[@alexanderfretheim5720]

Mostly they're saying you're a chum. The criminal world isn't about fighting fair. It's not a melodramatic Tom Mix Western.

[@sixstab2967]

Thats not the point. It shows you are nothing special.

[@TheSonshade]

13 was the most Canadian Prison story ever.

[@alabastergreen7444]

OK the Ironman one was 😂. Can't even imagine the complete disbelief on everyone's faces

[@darthbiden8675]

“I am n***** man, running through the hood from the ku klux klan.”😂

[@nightsoul395]

I would hate to be the guy in story number 11, imagine taking survival advice only to get more time served!

[@NAT-turners-Revenge]

Hilarious 😂

[@BigBird-]

No matter who you are if you go to prison and your asked to translate… be sure your in for a great time. 😂

[@DarkDragonSlayer]

story 7 got me cracking up like crazy around 5am PST on a saturday morning (i'm an ADHD autistic early bird. go ahead and judge me) with that iron man parody.

[@guilhermegoldman]

US prisions sound so cozy and inviting!

[@mypli3959]

not me paying attention to the backround

[@dumbbiiihh1204]

frrr game play been pissing me off missing all those easy shots

[@mypli3959]

@@dumbbiiihh1204 exactly

[@kdplayzyt]

IKR

[@imsouglymycatlaughs]

The jumping jack story though... 😂🤣

[@RJFPme]

The first wrong thing they’ve done is go to jail in the first place ?

[@versatileduplicity9313]

Bro shut up

[@Voydskii]

:0 first also love your videos man

[@TheAntiTrope]

As a writer I can almost always tell the difference between the true stories and the fictional ones in these reddit videos. There's something about the way they read and the level of detail in them 😂

[@smooklee12games30]

honestly that last story was beyond satisfying. if you do something people will commonly beat ur ass for never tell them a weakness easily used against you ☺️

[@aprilmcquesten5126]

Apparently if a rapist goes to jail the other inmates will do what they did to other people

[@kpopplanet2907]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="490">8:10</a> Nah, I would be rolling on the floor.😭✋🏽

[@gremlininblue2601]

the voice sound like it giving a middle school presentation but was the person who didn't do anything and showed up late for it and has to go off the notes because they're not sure what tf they're doing

[@lekoraxx5406]

How do inmates actually know the reason for charge from other inmates without telling them. Are some COs telling prisoners that a new inmate is arriving who raped a child? It's a myth to me

[@LastBastian]

Sometimes yes. But also most inmates have access to the news, and to friends/family outside. Chomos make the news, and word gets around.

[@nickwoyurka6820]

Lmao I was detoxing pretty hard from being a dumbass and really out of it but other inmates were tryna get me to eat cause I hadn’t in like a week and my cellmate told a guard my situation and he gave me two soups and I was so grateful though I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat it yet lol…. An uhhh yea….. I asked the guard if there was a microwave 😆 which he just laughed his ass off

[@noahmcfarland3781]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="163">2:43</a> has got me doing a triple take

[@Mostly_Roblox]

When I do that robbery, I'll make sure not to do these things

[@tsukishadow5715]

Oh please, getting punished for laughing at a fart is literally so stupid. It's probably the most harmless thing that can happen in prison and the guy gets bunk restrictions??? I call abuse of power.....

[@Megaman8880]

I was a sergeant in florida state for 8 years. You really do see some crazy shit, these stories were pretty tame.

[@DJShire_ATL]

Can you share one?

[@Megaman8880]

@DJShire When I get home from work I'll copy/paste a reddit post I made a few months ago about the sickest thing I ever seen.

[@Megaman8880]

@@DJShire_ATL Back in 2018 my prison had an elderly inmate in an SHOS (Self harm observation) cell because he had scabies and it was bad. He was elderly, if I remember correctly he was about 75 years old and what made his case of scabies so bad was him having a weakened immune system. I don't know how or why this happened but he sat in that SHOS cell for over a month and of course no one ever did anything about his condition. I didn't even know he was back there until my first interaction with him. He was conscious but not really mentally present. All he could do was moan in pain. His skin was brittle and was textured like corn flakes. His whole body. Anywhere on his body where his skin was supposed to have any flexibility, there were deep red fissures separating the two plates of corn flakish skin. His eyebrows, his lips, his fingers, his knees, the palms of his hands, his toes, all brittle with deep red lines that were bleeding and leaking a strange fluid. Parts of him would break off as we moved him around trying to place him on the stretcher. One of the EMT's that showed up commented that he was leaving a trail of bread crumbs everywhere he went. Literally if you were to drag the palm of your hand over any part of this inmates body, you would see particulate floating trough the air because just a light touch like that would create a cloud of it. He obviously had to go out to a hospital and I drew the short stick on my shift ending up being one of the two officers that had to go with him. I rode in the ambulance. After doing whatever an EMT does, the guy in the back of the ambulance with me decided he needed an IV to get hydration, so he tried finding a way to put the IV in. His skin was too dry to hold a needle, it would just slip out of him as soon as the EMT let go, I'll never forget the EMT looking at me and saying " Watch this! " with a silly smile on his face. He reached down into one of the compartments in the back of the ambulance and pulls out a power drill. Places the drill up against the inmates shin and literally drills a hole into this guys leg, then hooks the IV up that way. The inmate let out a pretty audible cry of pain but otherwise did not seem aware of his surroundings. We get to the first hospital and sit there with the inmate for a while, nurses come in and do their thing. I noticed that none of them were wearing gloves so I would try to warn them that he had scabies but they disregarded anything I had to say. One of them actually looked at me and said that there is 'no way' this is scabies. I just shrugged. Nothing I could say would convince them otherwise. Funny story, one of these nurses was the wife of one of my coworkers. He actually got pretty pissed at me, because his wife ended up with scabies after this and he blamed me for not saying something.. which I did. The medical staff at this hospital also tried putting an IV in this inmate but nothing would work because their needles would literally just droop and fall out of him the second they let go. They ended up cutting into his neck, I guess to get to an artery. That worked. Some time passes and I guess they realized they were not equipped at this hospital to deal with this problem, so off we go to the second hospital. I've already given you guys a small book to read about this experience so I'll wrap it up. We get to the second hospital, they put this guy into quarantine. Anyone that comes through is wearing fully protective hazmat like clothes. They took his temperature with a rectal thermometer and it was something like 84 degrees. His skin was in such bad shape it was not holding his body heat in. They hooked him up to some kind of incubator blanket with a hose blowing hot air into it, then a few moments later.. he died. If you want an idea of what his skin looked like, search for Norwegian scabies. You will see images of a hand, or a foot, some of them pretty bad. This inmate? Worse than anything google will show you. And it was his whole body, not just a foot or hand.

[@PickleRick65]

When you go inside it's the Law of the Jungle. Period. The 3 words Everybody Needs To Remember are, Please, Thank you, and Excuse me.

[@ReallyNoOneAtAll]

It's insane to me how many people will just do as their told.

[@alexfunk6575]

"While your sexuality may not be an issue outside of prison" is a wild way to start a sentence

[@HavianEla]

I would’ve been impressed by Canada’s prison system if their new M.A.I.D program didn’t drive me to tears with its inhumanity. Ever since learning more about it, I can’t look at that country the same. It’s so much worse than “just” an Assisted Suicide service.

[@hezhuoyuan3574]

Genuinely curious, but why is it inhumane?

[@woods2424]

I dont know a whole lot about the program, other than that its an assisted suicide program for older people or whatever, whats so bad about it?

[@HavianEla]

@@hezhuoyuan3574 If it were just an assisted suicide program, I wouldn’t say it would be. But people who just don’t want to be alive due to mental or physical disability are “euthanized”. There was a woman who WANTED to live, but was in constant pain and kept getting rebuffed at every opportunity, medically, so she did it, hoping to spark debate and get medical reformation out there. All they did was make an advertisement about her “right to die”, when she’s quoted saying she didn’t want to. Homeless people who are afraid of death, but more afraid of the reality of being homeless, are also eligible to die. There’s a waiting list, and it’s so systemically organized that it reminds me of Nazi Eugenics Programs. This year it’s supposed to be opening up to minors.

[@HavianEla]

@@woods2424 Well, it’s not just for older people - this year it opens up for minors, too. It’s awful because there are people signing up who want to live, but can’t handle the pain they’re in so they sign up, instead of receiving the healthcare they’re supposed to have access to. Homeless people are also “eligible” to die, so they’ll take any reason to “euthanize” you. A famous case of a woman who appeared in a commercial advertising her “right to die” was that of a deceased woman who didn’t even want to die, but kept getting piss poor healthcare that she “slipped through the cracks”.

[@DinnerForkTongue]

@@HavianEla Considering the Prime Minister and the government's relations to the British, are you surprised this pot of zionism has an eugenics fetish?

[@jackirish9022]

Prisons and jails are completely inhumane and need to be defunded

[@Tyreker]

You do know that if you defund the prisons, the inmates will only be inside their cells for longer periods of time which will cause more riots right? Like what’s the goal in defunding prisons??

[@usernameisusernam]

some prisons arent as bad _because_ of their funding. Prisons aren't going away

[@UltraCenterHQ]

If prisons get defunded, then where are the inmates gonna go? Just lock them at your local basketball court's gates or something?

[@sixstab2967]

Shut up

[@mrqcumber]

keep up the good work! (here before famous)

[@mrdgenerate]

I saw a guy who came in running his mouth all day long get punched his first week in.. 1 hit KO and he literally hit his butt and slid like 10ft across the floor and had an Apple sized cheek for the next ~10 days.

[@ethanwei7353]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1140">19:00</a> big mistake, if theres a white guy in a group of black guys, you know hes tough shit. That guy had to do some crazy shit to get the respect of the others.

[@Trephining]

that was a good bit by Dave Chappelle

[@chadthunderstroke]

"...he is the most dangerous motherf**cker in the group!"--Dave Chappelle talking about a white dude in a group of black crips/bloods

[@jasonhalverson1180]

This is very interesting information, if I ever go to jail.

[@externity9569]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="748">12:28</a> I haven't been to prison but I can agree from experience, how messed up it is to be stuck in a mental hospital, especially the two acute bridge units. It is a very violent place to be.

[@LovelessPrince]

A friend told me one. He said there was a new guy who shouted “where do I set cause there’s a lot of Ns everywhere” in the cafeteria.

[@20SG20]

Last story was good.

[@sBOYKISSER69420]

Love Andrew Don't love the rocket league skills

[@seemykids99]

So I guess prisoners have an unlimited supply of duct tape?

[@dgenergene4418]

Isn't prison supposed to be about rehabilitation at least according to State myth? Seems to me if you survive you have shut down emotionally become hardened if not insane more of a danger.

[@itzskizzyk5472]

Stupidest thing I seen was someone brag about why he was in there, got one hell of a beating with pool cues and pool balls in socks. My first night as well just got processed and end of rec time boom 4-7 guys went in his cell and decimated the fucker. No gonna lie I was shiting myself but luckily found out why he was in and that's the reason they did it. I also almost got stabbed over a pot noodle so never play/bet on a game if you are shite at it that's pretty dumb

[@aedanokelly5794]

“Not an ex con but…”

[@MrCcking]

The shot for your second point was a decent shot

[@berenscott8999]

Did 3 months, worst thing a dude ever did was he transferred into a workers unit, even though he was being transferred out of the prison, on day 1 in the unit, he put himself and his cell mate into covid isolation. Now, want to hear the kicker? They still tried to transfer him out of the prison 3 days after testing positive, he got all the way to the van before someone realised he was still positive and out of isolation. Dumb.

[@benwagner5089]

Story 15: If you don't actually want the guys to do jumping jacks, why would you order them to do it!? You want them to obey your orders further down the line, why lie to them on their first day like that?

[@DharshM0]

Probably trying to calm the new guys who are scared about prison life. I agree though, not the best idea

[@usernameisusernam]

he was being funny, which was quiet evedent by the dance battle part lol

[@alexanderfretheim5720]

Because you're simultaneously providing some amusement to the people who will be there a long time, and putting the new guy in his place. At the same time, you're also communicating to the new guy that he is in fact part of a real world and society, and he better start listening to the people who know something about it.

[@dogebrando8902]

Andrew.. just passed the ball to his enemy and they scored……..

[@danielleroush7127]

Pretty confident that in Story 12, "The Workhouse" is referring to the Franklin County Jail (aka The Pike) in Columbus, Ohio! I have been told by every person I know that has been there that it is HORRIBLE!!! I'm sure it is ranked #2 in the United States for being "The worst jail"! I believe it was #1 for a while!

[@NAT-turners-Revenge]

*Story 12* had me dying 👍😂

[@jeffhileman944]

nice RL play. looks like me in a 1v1 :)

[@xCharonstyxx]

I did two years in state and these stories are something you see in a movie.

[@XenoTronusWeePoo850]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="326">5:26</a> bro what lmao I was just listening to that song

[@ianh1504]

Im from minnesota, everyone ive ever met bragging about being "affiliated with the bloods" has been a fucking liar.

[@ligmaphat]

Andrew played like dowager but somehow manage to get that comeback on rocket league the first game

[@kristenmoon4405]

I was a CO for about 6 months. Job and I just didn’t mesh well. Inmates liked to mess with us, especially on the first few days, but overall they were good guys. I still remember during my first nightly lockdown, all the guys were cool and the only request they gave me was to lock the doors in reverse order to give them some time to finish a card game. I obliged and we basically had a mutual respect where I didn’t mess with them, they didn’t cause me issues. They kept trying to jump scare me when I’d do my rounds and looked into random cells. I’d just laugh and roll my eyes. Honestly wasn’t a bad experience on my end. The only cabinet is I am a trans woman in an all male prison. Other than being looked at like a piece of meat, they were mostly respectful. Now… if I was an inmate… yeah no, I’d prob get messed up and preyed upon. Unless I somehow was assigned to my old prison, lol. Only reason I left was because of other CO’s and didn’t feel like I had any support if anything happened.