Ex-JW: "Should I get reinstated to fix my rage and end the shunning?"

[@kendrabond7647]

I couldn't think of anything worse than return back to that misery again.

[@rochelle_johnston2703]

Actually I liked the fact that I didn't have to talk to anyone while attempting to reinstate, and then I had your reaction of 'yucky, misery' no thank-you... :)

[@Bananachan289]

Even if he was reinstated and reunited with family again, I doubt those negative feelings towards them would go away.

[@rdhawk929]

Same here

[@Sam_reflexio]

Yes, it will be still conditional love with accepting of master's condition by victim's side. Some kind of sadomaso...

[@bruderk4257]

Ralion Exactly right.

[@erenjeager4369]

My question is if satan really just letting people to go to that cult like so easily... "the satan who controls world now""""""" ;; WUTT;;;;

[@connieishihara1411]

I did this very thing. It is the worst decision I've ever made. The one thing I regret the most because my values and beliefs are so opposite of what is taught. Trying to untangle all of my emotions around this is so complicated. At the end of it all, nothing has really changed. My parents love is conditional. Period... so, I had to learn to love myself more than anyone or anything. That is when real freedom is found.

[@ariab2741]

Are you still in the religion or out? Just wondering 💭 I’m in the same boat as the man in the video. I need my fasfa for college, however my mother won’t sign it because I’m disfellowshipped.

[@MaleahsDiary]

@@ariab2741 Wow. That's ridiculous. Contact FAFSA for alternatives.

[@Darkness-ie2yl]

"i have not come to bring peace but a sword"

[@hikingviking859]

This beautiful soul is in so much pain. I hope he gets help and finds peace. Don’t bring your baby son up in this toxic belief system to win your family back. I’m sorry you lost your Dad.

[@cindyarnold8165]

Dear caller, they just want you back to exploit your time and energy. Your time is precious, spend it doing what makes sense for you!

[@ready2danceagain]

So true.

[@caystaack6783]

Spend your time with your children.They are the future,they need protection against this destructive cult!Best wishes from Germany!

[@lisacurfman6169]

Your existence doesn't depend on your family. You are the person you must live with for your whole life, your self worth and respect depends on you.

[@Neville60001]

Exactly that, Lisa.

[@sidemonsters-x2j]

Precisely

[@Bruceylancer]

I have a couple of disfellowshipped acquaintances (I'm disfellowshipped myself) and it's absolutely heartbreaking and enraging to me when they speak about the same "maybe I should get reinstated" thing. Because it shows clearly how much pressure this emotional blackmail puts on people. I feel this pressure too, but there is no way for me to get back, since I'm an atheist now, so it's a bit easier for me than for them, since they still have those little bits of faith left.

[@iamnotjojo1]

This poor guy. My heart breaks for him.

[@phoenixchick5088]

To get reinstated after being fully woke would def have to take a huge psychological toll. If he's already struggling w rage I could imagine it getting worse having to do all that pretending. He might end up resenting the contact w fam bcuz of putting himself thru all the fakery.

[@HiddenMeadowMus]

Reinstated to what? A bunch of lies and coverup and mind control? HA!

[@ozie4779]

Did you notice they request he only come back for a month before he puts in his reinstatement letter. That says a lot. The minimum time previously was six months to a year; closer to a year. Goes to show how desperate they are. Especially for brothers to return.

[@phoenixchick5088]

Ya that screamed desperation for someone to return.

[@KudukUngol]

Yes! Their numbers are in decline, hence this "new provision" from the GB. The organization needs him more than he needs them.

[@jasonuren3479]

Made me wonder if it was a 'white lie' to try and make him think returning will be easier than it actually is 🤔

[@ozie4779]

@@jasonuren3479 They have a critical member shortage and an even more critical brother shortage. I don't think they can afford to play bait and switch with any potential returners.

[@jasonuren3479]

@@ozie4779 Fair point, I know the numbers are dropping, didn't I hear they're having 'negative growth' at the moment? It was just a thought, based on personal experience. I'm not saying it's an across the board thing, but it is the sort of thing that's been tried on me in the past, being deceptive and then turning the tables. And tbh I can't see that their behaviour has improved over the last 15 years. Edit: Hell, I'm still cynical after all that time! Who'd have thought it? 🤣

[@MandleRoss]

Absolutely heartbreaking to hear this man speaking about the loss of his feelings.

[@tintinismybelgian]

I think he's feeling afraid of numbing himself to the point of complete apathy, if not psychopathy. Recognizing that potential is important, but also it is a good sign since it would be more troubling if he didn't care.

[@jessicaa.6690]

Lloyd always has the BEST insight!!!!

[@vickirichards5186]

The elder husband gave her your number to call. They seat you up.

[@Denariusjay]

This is exactly what watchtower wants. Take away your family so you come crawling back, even If you have no interest in the religion at all. Dont do it, I did this in 2018 , got reinstate simply to have some contact with close friends and family, but the elders hounded me non stop for my field service time, why I was missing meetings, why i didnt comment, etc. It was mental torment and ended up being disfellowshiped again Feb last year anyway. Now I know better, yes it sucks having family treat you like you dont exist anymore, but being back under the watchtower yoke was actually way worst.

[@Beleen-gw3vw]

i completely agree. the thought of it alone leaves me vomiting at.

[@sylkelster]

My extended family includes a doctor, some lawyers, a few engineers, and at least 1 archaeologist while my immediate family are all JW religious nuts on both sides and are 100% longing the end-of-this-wicked-wicked-system-of-things indoctrinated. I can relate to this man as I escaped at 18 and 30 years later still have to deal with similar crap.

[@joanmh5241]

I was raised in the JW org. I left when I was 20. My father who was an elder latet wanted to have Bible studies with my kids. I told him that he could spend time with them but only to be a grandpa, not to preach to them. He never did spend time with them. 😪 It's very sad because it was very hurtful to everyone. Especially my children.

[@jadedstar7442]

Wow! Forgive them father for they know not what they do. So sad. They lose all sense of being a human with a family 👪.

[@estherrivers6840]

My mum did something similar. She shunned me for 3yrs after leaving the JWs even though i wasnt baptized but started talking to me occasionally again a few months after I gave birth to my son. When he was 5yrs old she started asking to have him over the weekends. To cut long story short I found out she was trying to indoctrinate him after my son came home one weekend saying we had to get a bible and serve Jehovah or he will make us die at Amageddon. I was furious because he was clearly anxious and frightened. Guess I should have known better. End of lone weekend visits to Nanny permanently.

[@clarity2478]

@@estherrivers6840 hang on tight to your son, he does not need to hear about god & his killing machine! This FABLE has ruined millions of lives!

[@estherrivers6840]

@@clarity2478 oh I did. He's now in his early 30,s, in a Thrash Metal Rock band, has a lovely wife and daughter and is an atheist. 😊 We have the best mother and son relationship you could wish for 👍 That sick Cult turns you into an dysfunctional being while sucking the life out of you and all in the name of some twisted 'God' called 'Jehovah' pfft!!

[@bergljotlothbrok3730]

Coincidence that they may be fast tracking disfellowshipped ones thru the reinstatement process to help an eroding publisher count, a publisher count that is fading faster than1976...?

[@TheLovelyRarity]

Dude is having a perfectly reasonable reaction and setting proper boundaries. Sometimes you have to cut off emotions with people who clearly won't change or have yet to wake up. Sometimes that's the only way to protect the rest of your heart

[@taaadaaa5256]

No! Reverse Psychology Shun them! Enjoy your Life! & Freedom!

[@tulinfirenze1990]

And send pics to them enjoying your life with your son - photos of him with surrogate grandmothers and aunts lavishing love on him! Make THEM realise that THEY are missing out!

[@knowthyself8233]

Voilà. Never give your power away.

[@milham76]

This is not a game. He misses his family.

[@tulinfirenze1990]

@@milham76 And what's the solution? Those of us who've been JWs know the shunning family feel COMPLETELY justified in their behaviours. Quite frankly, going back to the JWs is THE WORST THING he could do. The answer, as painful as it may be is to move ahead with life. Anything else is fantasy wishful thinking. Life's hard - at some point we all have to make EXTREMELY difficult choices.

[@milham76]

@@tulinfirenze1990 The RIGHT thing to do, of course would be to tell them to f*ck off but but it's sometimes just about healing from the crap. I was a reg pioneer and all that other stuff and am so glad Im out but it's harder for others, sometimes.

[@motorway2roswell]

Such a great question, caller! I really feel for you, please do hang in there.

[@andrewxjw]

There's no way I would allow someone to shun me in front of my children. I also wouldn't leave them alone to be indoctrinated. I agree that seeking reinstatement for association would be a hurtful experience. Maybe worth it for some. I don't think I could do it.

[@mamesmck5236]

To me this voicemail sounds like the caller already knew what he was going to do, but just needed some moral support to say that it was okay not to re-join for the sake of having a relationship with his family. Its such an alluring prospect isn't it. "Sign in blood on the dotted line and all your cares will disappear". It doesn't even work in fairy tails, theres no way it will work in real life. I'm very saddened to see people being torn apart by a belief system 💔

[@cindys9491]

Worse, if he rejoined and someone else he knew got disfellowshipped, he'd be expected to shun *them*!

[@wishusknight3009]

One of the things that sort of helped me direct my animosity and anger was working hard to view the individuals more as victims than perpetrators. And it allowed me to push the anger to the organization and draw a circle around what the real issues were. For the most part I almost live life as though my former biological relatives don't even exist anymore. ... I can't say it has worked for me 100% but it has indeed made things a bit easier. I still have days of animosity and anger to ex family, especially those that went above and beyond to be intentionally toxic to me and my 2 sons. Lloyd and me may share some same feelings there, they will never get my forgiveness. But thankfully those days seem to get to be less and less with time as I focus on my act 2.

[@schwangster]

Each person needs to decide what is the right thing for them. For me, I can’t support ‘reinstatement’ because I don’t acknowledge the practice of ‘disfellowshipping’. If others, including family, wish to ignore me and treat me like I’m dead, and blame their actions on direction from god, then there is nothing I can do to sway them. Life goes on. They can deal with the pain and consequences of their delusional conduct. Much love to all you who are suffering because of the cult’s policies.

[@URPndJs]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@Shera178]

I love how cheerful you say “welcome to the bunker!”

[@anotherexjw8235]

Yesterday was my Disassociation Anniversary--9 years out of the cult now. I must admit, in the early years, after the full weight of the shunning hit me, I too thought of going back and getting reinstated. The only thing that stopped me was the realization that I would have to pretend to believe again, even for a short time. One of the main reasons I disassociated in the first place is that I couldn't live a lie after finding out what deceit I had been taught my entire life. I realized that even better than having my family and "friends" back was the fact that I was now free to live my authentic life. And I can honestly say that even though leaving the organization was the hardest decision I ever had to make, it was also the best decision I ever made. I hope the caller can cope with his pain. Therapy was an amazing breakthrough for me. I have dealt with this pain for a long time now, but I have grown as a person and my life is so much better now. I wouldn't go back now for anything.

[@rwssel2.052]

Just one month to get reinstated? They are desperate, they are GOING DOWN. Allelujiah! Lol

[@bh6344]

I’m sorry you are going through this. I would def get help from a therapist to help deal with the bitterness. What you went through with that “sister” is a trap. I know you want your family back but I don’t think it would change your bitterness IF you don’t want to be a witness. You’d be exchanging one pain for another. That’s how you know it’s control. My heart goes out to you!

[@jasperfagbuyi9520]

Lloyd, that's a nice Advice given to this fellow. My Wife and myself left Dec 2019 and our family members which we helped to join the Organization 20years ago are all Shunning us but me as an ex Elder in a German Congregation here in Germamy see no reasons to go back bcos the Teachings I knew from JW are 99,5% false. I only hope that the young man will take to your Advice. We left after many Researches and hope that this fellow will also do the same about JW Teachings. I am now 77 years old and happier now as during my Time and wasted hours with JW

[@Bringon-dw8dx]

Congratulations! It’s been a bit rubbish since you’ve been out with corona, but hopefully as things start to settle you can really start to experience the world and do things for your own enjoyment, rather then having the serve an organisation

[@milham76]

Really well done.

[@JL-nk3vz]

Not an emotional guy myself but listening to this guy really got to me. Raised in this cult and having most family still in it I totally understand every he is saying. However, I remember clearly what my grandmother used to say... family comes first. A 3rd generation witness herself. She used to say nothing comes between family members, not even the cult. She made sure everybody was meeting that expectation. She never shunned one of my cousins for being gay, or when my uncle divorced and got disfelloweshiped. I wish more people in the cult were like her.

[@runeaanderaa6840]

He should not be reinstated unless he also would decide to shun his own son when he leaves.

[@clarity2478]

Oh wow there's a thought looking ahead! He might think putting a patch on the problem will work but ...eventually it will all come tumbling down!

[@Beleen-gw3vw]

wow👍🏻

[@cindys9491]

Exactly.

[@URPndJs]

They are using your family as bait.

[@michellejarvis7878]

I'm so glad Lloyd advised therapy and counseling. Also I was impressed with his logic, it's not the caller's fault here, he is not the one behaving horribly, his family is. Boundaries, boundaries boundaries. They will save your life. If they don't love and respect you enough to speak to you, then no, they shouldn't have access to your child. They want to indoctrinate him, remember the WT teaches that is a religious responsibility.

[@El_Briones]

It hurts to listen this man’s Feelings, but I think that even getting reinstated won’t make his feelings disappear. He needs professional help. It’s just my thought.

[@jadedstar7442]

Great advice. Was thinking the same thing. Psychology treatments are very costly in the US 🇺🇸. Rarely covered by insurance. But probably just a couple of sessions would be needed as he seems to be together. Just another reassurance to redirect the anger.

[@SKY-wt2pp]

1000% solid advice from Lloyd here. Good stuff Lloyd

[@jillcassill8743]

I can't imagine any scenario where it would be reasonable to return to the cult ...would like to hear your ideas Lloyd. I am not and have never been a jw but have studied cults for a long time. Thank you for all the help you are giving the jws....

[@jimmyb3158]

I agree with Lloyd in the sense that you could go through the entire process of getting reinstated and still you get shunned. The difference however is that right now your family is being mandated to shun you. If you do get reinstated and then quickly fade, your family is no longer being mandated to shun you, they will now have to take it upon themselves to shun you. Not sure if that matters to you or not but that would be the difference as I see it. I had a friend get DFed, go through the entire process of getting reinstated. The meeting that he got reinstated was his last meeting ever. He told me he wanted to get reinstated just so that there was not an official reason to shun him. That doesnt mean nobody will shun you. Best of luck to you my friend

[@michaelcorder4205]

Great advise!

[@lachicarivers51demilo52]

These Q&A video segments are proving to be one of my favorite must watch as an exJW. I tend to even follow Mormon Stories at times. Your different formats Lloyd have been such an avenue to awaken so many that are part of the WT. But even as important if not more through your videos, is the learning process afforded to the exJW community as they sort out and navigate their journey into this world. In this particular video, the sober and balanced information you gave this exJW as to the mind field scenarios that crop up of reinstatement to WT were on point. Start therapy first...... Thank you always for your dedication.

[@francocosentino8514]

After listening to all these voicemail it makes me feel blessed that neither myself or my families life has been stained by this evil organisation. Governing Body... If there's Hell below, your ALL gonna go

[@Beleen-gw3vw]

i don’t believe in hell below- sadly, some sort of it we’ve got on earth already-but i like the rhyme lol

[@milham76]

Why would you be interested in watching this then?

[@francocosentino8514]

@@milham76 my son ask the same question ... tbh watched Caleb and Sophie thought it was funny to start with but once I learnt more about the organisation fun turned into shock

[@phoenixchick5088]

The book u were reading a little at a time in the beginning of the last days Livestream came to mind. I forget the title but that would prob help this guy a lot

[@catht9653]

As usual you hit the nail on the head. This man seems wonderful, and he is blaming himself for not smiling while he's taking a licking. He has a right to feel his rage, and I agree, talk therapy with a caring therapist could really help him. I also wondered if he were to go back, how could he ever even want to be with them, knowing that they would only be with him because he's being submissive. I really wish him well. He sounds like he's a very good, decent man with a great head on his shoulders.

[@rochelle_johnston2703]

Holy Poop, I have actually ruminated on this very question from 'anonymous' and was almost re-instated twice!!! For me both times when it came to being close to re-instatement, I couldn't go through with it. One reason was I had two children that didn't know much about the religion only enough to answer any questions that may have been asked, another reason I included my kids in a lie by still celebrataing birthdays, christmas, easter, etc and it plagued me whenever I was at the meetings just waiting for my kids to 'out me'...lolz This second time was over 15 years ago and I still want to try again but I know I won't go through with it in the end. Anyways, I didn't think I'd write this much only wanted to thank anonymous and Llyod for letting me know that it's 'not my fault'... Thanks again Rocky.

[@milham76]

Me too. I just COULDN'T go back to it although I considered it for about a year. If I had gone back, either the revolting GB or the overlapping generations would have made me leave again.

[@candiceyoung8244]

This is such a sad situation. I can hear the hurt in this young man's voice. I agree lloyd,hes not the 1 to blame. I don't even know how I would handle this situation myself. I'm glad he came to you, and is apparently apprehensive about going or wouldn't have called and asked for advice with this. I wish him all the best

[@jeneb52]

Whose to say that they drag out the reinstatement process, only to cause him more anger and depression? I think he should find a therapist who deals with religious trauma first, then see how he feels. And if they want to see his child, they come as a package like you said - it's both or none period! Good luck to him too!

[@slymm619]

This caller needs to be a radio host

[@milham76]

Yes, he has a great voice.

[@janedoe8446]

You nailed it here, you just nailed it! Don't expect any other result as what they already gave to you... wow...

[@radraph9649]

I also had the thought as this man. for 15 seconds. Then nearly threw up at the thought of doing that. My life is great while out. I miss the relationship with my mom but its NOT WORTH IT.

[@evalindqvist1253]

Well I'm not an exJW, guess I can't grasp the situation fully (but I do know a bit about family troubles). I just have a question for the anonymous caller to think about: are you sure getting reinstated really will fix what you are feeling? Even if you get contact with your family again, they still have treated you terribly. I can't see that I myself would get less angry with my mom (who I haven't spoken to in years) just cuz we got back on friendlier terms. She's still the same person, who never will acknowledge what she has done. Also, I'm thinking: how much does the loss of your father play into this? Mourning makes us do things, and I've learned that you never should make big decisions while mourning. And finally: you have every right in the world to be angry, frankly they've treated you like shit, and they will only "love" you if you change to what they want you to be. That's just ugly blackmail. Wishing you all the best, whatever you decide. Sometimes you just have to move on in life, and find a new tribe. There are people who will love you for who you are. (Hope what I said make sense, English is not my first language.)

[@clarity2478]

Eva ...just to say what a kind message you bring to this dear man.

[@helengrace6553]

Very wise Miss Eva!

[@Beleen-gw3vw]

you gave a lovely comment, eva🥰

[@milham76]

I usually resent comments from people who have never been JWs as they have their own agenda , usually. Your comment, however was very well written and made a lot of sense. I think the loss of his father is a real contributing factor here too. Thank you for your kindness and empathy.

[@ResearchThis]

This is so relatable ❤

[@grammawpayton]

My husband and I were baptized in 1986. Back then we were aware that elders would regularly visit disfellowshipped ones, usually once a year. How is that now a "new provision?"

[@changesmustchange2063]

To the gentleman in the voice mail: Lloyd hit the nail right on the head! I'm did exactly that, I got restated and still have those bitter feelings, but nothing's changed, the shunning is still happening. I have my family speaking to me, but they invite me to JW events like the memorial and its bloody annoying. I don't want anything to do with it. I'm running away, very far away. As for your family, its your family, it's a package deal, they don't get a relationship with your kids without the parents, doesn't work like that. Good luck!

[@pamelasellsell6084]

As with a Narcicisst they are trying to trauma bond. A trauma counsellor is very much required in this case.

[@danjones5585]

Absolutely agree. “Disfellowshiping” is all about control, designed to fear, shame and guilt trip the individual it’s a disgrace and I believe you should protect children from an organisation which believe it to be normal behaviour. Sorry to hear about your situation.

[@chihuahuatricks2962]

My mom got reinstated then started studying after. She was "really busy" so the study was very hit and miss! Then finally she cancel her study after a few months and faded out. Went inactive, except whenever the elders would call her asking for feld service time she would just make up a number. Lol even tho she never went out

[@CAG247]

I thought about doing the same about 5/6 years ago. I concluded that I just couldn't be fake. My mental state would be worse with me knowing what's going on.

[@sidemonsters-x2j]

Wonderful Vibes here and so much truth! I’m happy and proud to see, that others come back to self worth, self love and freedom. Much love ❤️ and thank you!

[@brigaled]

This episode hit the spot . I could relate in so many levels! Thank you for sharing . ❤️❤️❤️

[@justinthyme3396]

Hi Lloyd I believe that you're the nicest atheist I've ever seen, you have so much practical information and advice, good to see so many people waking up,

[@timbothegreat7767]

when people go back for the wrong reasons, it just goes to show yet again that the holy spirit isnt at work otherwise they wouldnt be let in

[@pamelaruth7400]

Boy they are desperate to get their numbers

[@SalsaforV]

All your information is excellent! Thank you for everything!

[@evsalas3]

The petty and cold ones are the people who shun their loved ones because a magazine says to do it.

[@S_vanna]

I'm sorry for the loss of your father - that is hard enough to deal with alone, without the added challenges you are facing with your family. I completely agree with all Lloyd has said - this is not your fault and you are not cold, you have been hurt and are protecting yourself and your family. I was disfellowshipped 13 years ago and suffered dreadfully with guilt and the overwhelming feeling that it was all my fault because I was the one that left. Counselling was one of the best things I did and I too would absolutely recommend it if you are able to do it. My mother shunned me, but she was so distraught that after a couple of years of her not coping (I won't give the upsetting details) that I decided to be reinstated for the sake of her mental health. By then I knew it was not the truth and so this was purely a part I had to play in order to get the result I needed. It took almost 2 years of attending meetings to be reinstated. In order to not make it so obvious as to my planned reinstatement and fade (again for the sake of my mother) I had a study for several months after reinstatement. I then gradually faded. Once faded, my brothers and all former friends cut me off again despite the fact that I am not disfellowshipped. It has made life easier for my mother so I got the result I needed, however, if your goal is to get your family back, please be careful as the risk of doing it all and still being shunned is real (other than my mother, my whole family and friends shun me). Wishing you all the best in whatever you decide x

[@ginaweiss3787]

I did it... went back to get my family back. I was disfellowshipped for no reason but, I might commit fornication because I was dating non member. Took 6 months to get reinstated and I never returned after the announcement! Fading is not returning.

[@tintinismybelgian]

What you're saying is a bit confusing. Did you go back twice?

[@ginaweiss3787]

@@tintinismybelgian I edited comment

[@takeyouryokeandlearnfromme1771]

@@tintinismybelgian Reinstated, then faded. So at least his family can speak with him, but he isn't declared as disfellowshipped anymore.

[@maryannlockwood7806]

🙋🏻‍♀️

[@ginaweiss3787]

@@maryannlockwood7806 🙋‍♀️😃🤗

[@lynnfulcher8865]

I’ve had to do this scurrying away “make yourself scarce” with my dad on his deathbed and my youngest sister and then daughters when their JW elder dad was visiting their homes - I’d say get away from all of it and set those boundaries - never ever think of going back - it’s abusive and toxic - outside jw box nobody thinks this behaviour is normal and nice families don’t do this - any counselling will tell you to trust your gut and if your not happy stay away and certainly avoid the jw mindset at all costs - to me it’s like dabbling with the devil/ie dealing with people who do not value you at all - I really hope you realise you are worth more and don’t accept controlling behaviour - especially abusive controlling behaviour - I’d never venture back in a million years as it’s like accepting a huge lie and zipping up your mouth

[@petalparker5]

The reinstatement process is brutal, putting yourself through it will not fix anything and your rage will probably get worse.

[@molsondutch93]

This is a fucking tough spot to be in. I feel for this caller so much

[@phantomchester]

I think it is critical for this person to remember that if he gets reinstated successfully, his family will be expecting him to make sure that his children become Jehovah's Witnesses too. Then, later on, if he chooses to leave again, he could lose them as well. Ultimately I feel like he would have a terrible choice to either try to protect his children from becoming witnesses while simultaneously going through the motions himself, or allowing them to become Witnesses, knowing that he was allowing them to join a religion that will control them in a very unhealthy way for the rest of their lives.

[@jeremydegraaf.nz.1471]

Wow If That's True They Have Reduced There Reinstatement Time To Appeal To Disfellowshiped Ones. They Are Trying To Limit The Damage Of Their Shunning Policies..

[@Samantha-rs3xq]

My neighbour is a JW,I thought them to be christians,how wrong I was,the entire 2020 my wife and I went through extremely tough time,me not being employed and soon the money ran out,we went without food for two days and he knew what we were going through and did nothing to help us,is that not all contrary to the word of GOD,he only every talks to me when he wants me to go to a meeting with him,these people have no clue what the word of GOD commands us to do from the book of Acts to Revelations

[@milham76]

Very true. I really hope life is better for you now.

[@liliabenavides4052]

This is emotional blackmail. BIG TIME!!

[@ready2danceagain]

As I have come to realize, the world isn't like WT paints it, and my time alive is limited. Use your time to develop warm & loving relationships with your wife & children who WILL reciprocate and appreciate your love. WT has stepped up the game in conditioning people's brains to be ready to disconnect... at any moment, over petty things. You will be very disappointed going thru all that mental pain and anguish just to realize the futility. I wish I could hug you. 💜❤💜

[@clarity2478]

Oh wow Lloyd .... if there were only one thing you were meant to say ...THIS would be it!!

[@jeannec7558]

I feel for this guy, its like the last resort to give up everything he stands for as to why he left in the first place. Having his arm up his back to be able to speak to his family is abuse mentally. All I will say is take courage to stand by what you believe because its obviously not what they believe and your not helping them to see they are in a cult. It's tragic. I know a few that have been reinstated just to speak to family members and it didn't last and did not end well.

[@90daan93]

I went back, got reinstated to talk to my family, my children. now I am fading, time will tell when I will be shunned again? I assume its just a matter of time. But in the mean time I am enjoying the love from my kids.

[@michaelcorder4205]

The elder sounds desperate.

[@katew.9402]

What a terrible quandary for the caller! I fully second Lloyd's advice.

[@TheSaladKing]

The one dislike has gotta be Tony Morris

[@TheSaladKing]

@Art& Minecraft he's got the alcy shakes so bad that he missed 😂

[@UtopiaXXX]

Yup

[@Jk-bu6nw]

It's not a good feeling that you change... It is something you don't want to feel.. But going back for those reasons os even worse.. It hurt your child as well.. Indeed looking for help is better.. Going through those anger feelings and leave them behind.. 💕

[@jasonuren3479]

Feel for this guy. The question is, does he believe it? If he doesn't, could he be happy just going along with it, getting 'reinstated' to get his family back? Agree with Lloyd on this one, how does it make you a 'better person' if you're going against what you feel?

[@Jk-bu6nw]

I think your right Loyd.. Wouldn't know what other advice to give.. Hope the caller is okay... 👍

[@yvonnemuse]

I returned after having children because I wanted a family for them. I was MISERABLE. I still did not fit in and the recollection sexual elders the elders hid rather than calling the police and getting me help caused a trauma response each time I went to the KH. The sources of pain was from many fronts and I couldn't process it then. It took many years to even begin to heal. I was DF again and I'm in for some lifelong healing . I'm so glad my children were minimally exposed to that congregation and my parents.

[@bawngtimkh9196]

I could see why some people would stay in and or reinstate. But once you see things outside the box it will never be the same again. They believe that they are doing well and there is obviously something that attracts people to this region.

[@SalsaforV]

They have never revisited me after my disfellowshipping... My daughter a publisher faded away...It took them over a year after my daughter and I moved back to a new congregation to give my teenage daughter and I a pastoral visit (I think thats what its called in english) ... Im mad at myself for going to that meeting I got disfellowshipped at. I shouldve been smarter... The elders did not do their job. So then We woke up...

[@cherylseebreth328]

You are too well educated to go back to that crazy cult. Good advice from Lloyd. See a therapist.

[@barose1]

When I was growing up as a JW, I have seen many people get disfellowshipped, reinstated the next year, and then fade out again. I'm sure we know that is not unusual.

[@humbles19]

Hi, to your caller.. It's understandable that you're feeling bitter and angry. It's logical for a human to feel this way given what you've been through. Shunning and exclusion from family is the most cruel punishment and they know it. Its their last chance saloon to get you back. Unforgivable practice.

[@rikeag4057]

My thoughts: He sounds like someone who has experienced a form of abuse early on and takes on the responsibility for the relational breakdown, trying to fix it from his end even though it originates entirely from the other end. I have only seen that in people who experienced an emotionally abusive childhood where the adults' behavior seemingly (from the child's point of view) depended on the child being a good child or very sweet or getting good grades, having a sense that somehow the environment depends on their behavior. I hope he realizes that this is not in his power nor is it his responsibility. It takes a lot of grieving to realize that this is out of your hands. All the best!

[@j.c.b6473]

I considered going back to be able to talk with my mother. Even when I told her that, she continued to treat me like 💩 so I never tried. She's dead now. My JW aunt & uncle are what's left. I love and miss them, but I find it appalling that their love is so conditional. If they can't love me as I am, they won't truly love me if I follow all their rules. Plus then I would be miserable. And it would never be enough for them. I would have to give up my many friends and non-JW family that have been there for me for decades, my values, my holidays that I love, my birthday celebrations, beautiful Latin Masses that I enjoy (I'm not a devout Catholic, but I enjoy Mass), my Thelemic philosophy, etc etc. I would have to pester people with ideas I don't believe. I would have to sit through BORING meetings. All so two relatives who abandoned me for 40 years would speak to me. And speak about what? All they do is read & preach about Jehovah.

[@bevenbusu7]

I really feel for you brother. You obviously love and care for your family. Unfortunately, your family neither cares for you nor love you back. They want contact with your son so they can brainwash him down the road. You are agonising over people that love a printing company more than they love you. I really hope you can receive professional help as Lloyd suggested, and never go back to Watchtower. The reasons you left are still there, and now probably things are worse as they have become more irrational and depressing with their increasing worship of the governing body. Please don't let Watchtower beat you and win using their evil tactic of shunning. And, please never, ever blame yourself for how you feel now. They have damaged you, but you will certainly recover and go on to enjoy a better existence outside of the clutches of Watchtower. Your family does NOT deserve you!!

[@goldiehonn3764]

The therapist would definitely help with coping.

[@exploatores]

For reasons other then religion I have lost all contact with the family on my fathers side. I cant think of any that would make me care about them. I rather spend time with firends. that care about me and I care about.

[@bradypustridactylus488]

Sometimes one has to submit to evil and injustice. This fact has to be weighed. But freedom can be won only in the defiance of tyrants and bullies.

[@NDB82]

Somehow my mom and dad who are still in, still speak to me even tho I am inactive. However other family members do not speak to me and if they do, it always feels disingenuous. I understand his feelings, but I have decided never to go back. I definitely enforce my boundaries consistently with them. I am kind to them but not invested in those relationships anymore; instead I use my energy for self care and building relationships with people who genuinely love me and care for me unconditionally.

[@paulsmith8109]

You did nothing wrong. Its the JWs that have done the wrong. Lloyd was right please get some help before making a decision. I was never disfellowshipped but they shun me!!!

[@rachelrogers6795]

There should be an international list of psychiatrists that exwitnesses could see. Professionals that were witnesses or at least understand the cult. Now you don’t even have to go to their office. You could talk to someone anywhere in the world.

[@nickrowland1904]

Seeking help should be top priority. Returning to an organisation you no longer believe in, you would not be true to yourself. Nothing is going to change your family members. Move on. You can do what you like and befriend who you like. Have you thought about higher education? You're allowed to now. This is not only a harrowing story, but it highly indicates how dangerous this organisation is.

[@7eyeswideopen177]

Sounds like this new provision is to bluster the numbers up more so then showing genuine love and concern. Even if the caller was at fault why must he serve a life sentence. I sincerely hope he goes to a good therpist so this burden of guilt can be lifted of his shoulders, he has carried it for far too long. Please don't let how you feel taunt your baby boy's life there has been enough damage done.