Examining Intimacy Outside of Abuse

[@yogaju1352]

I’ve realized that we also sometimes have to rewire our pace! Often we’ve been entrained to go faster. Those of us who may not have received the attunement from our parents as infants- when we SHOULD have been pedastalized and treated as so special- when we receive that from an abuser, it doesn’t NOT feel amazing! It feels like we are finally getting a deep, deep neurological need met that has never gotten met before and that is how we literally get chemically addicted to someone. That chemical addiction can often make us “uncomfortable” with a slower pace. And that must get rewired. We have to retrain our brains and bodies to feel comfortable with slow, with what is actually healthy. And that can be so hard to do if we don’t have any context of what healthy actually feels like. But it IS possible! And this channel is helping with that! I recently found your channel and I really appreciate your videos- the way you externally process, and extract and explain the wisdom of your life experiences in a balanced and self honest way-Thank you!❤

[@annastone5624]

💖

[@KaitenKenbu]

Your channel is very easy to dive deep into. Very interesting thanks.

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

Now my heart cries. To be 'protected' in the way you explain here. 😢 I hope you meet a man like that and you both can build SLOW a life, a fruitful life, starting with a little seed, growing step by step and be ok with it. You smacked my heart. I never met a man like that either. In the way you want and why in this video. 😢

[@thetopcat8946]

Basically a close relationship with God is the only thing that saved me. I prayed for my freedom. He gave me it.

[@creativesamproductions]

intimacy = something w roots .. Yes Indeed!

[@annastone5624]

Excellent video!! I’m so sick of being pathologised! So much of my healing journey has been made into a total mess, by my natural responses of fear and hesitation being framed as me somehow being ‘messed up’ - it has just ended up being another cycle of abuse.. my responses have been totally appropriate to my environment

[@FifiMaestro]

I love your channel, insights, and hearing how you formulate your thoughts. I tell my straight male friends that they should assume that every woman they are intimate with has a history of sexual trauma. I too have not encountered men who want to protect me. I consider intimacy to be the feeling of connection that arises when we are vulnerable with each other.

[@norah9739]

Thanks for making this video. After being groomed it's easy to feel like I can't get close to anyone. But it's not that. I get close to people, it's just I'm not going to get entangled to the point where I'm repeatedly violated and cut down. That can feel like a lack of "emotional closeness" but all it means is I'm not going to be chronically on high alert around someone, not going to be a drug addict getting high on the few if any times they're nice. I had literally no idea that people could sink so low as to essentially infest your emotions like worms, but they do indeed and it's never the wrong thing to protect yourself.

[@dianathomas2674]

Such an important topic, so well spoken. I'm far from an expert, just sharing: I feel I have an intimate and strong relationship with my son, but I have never acted like an educator, but as me, as a person parent, emphasizing what I believe is valuable, sharing my knowledge and weeding what's not appropriate. We can be ourselves in each other's company, me in a more grown up way, and he as one younger. We know each other, have seen the other's best and worst due to some exhausting circumstances. We can set boundaries to each other. As two different persons. We can say no. We can say yes and change our minds later. We can express an opinion and change it, because we already feel safe in each other's company. We can laugh till we cry and cry till we laugh. But we never tell untruths or trick each other.

[@thetopcat8946]

I had childhood trauma. Although I had many relationships bad relationship I did have a long marriage, my husband passed away and I fell into something very bad. I was analy violated. 4 and a half years ago. I'm doing so much better now. Intimacy, well I don't plan on it now at 53. I'm actually enjoying being alone for once in my life. Love isn't sex that's for sure. I don't think I could take a risk to open up again. I don't have a sexual desire now. Not at all.

[@ehrensjournal]

Thank you for sharing that. I know what you mean about enjoying being alone, 100%. I didn't enjoy myself for most of my life and so it feels like a lot of catching up to do

[@thetopcat8946]

@@ehrensjournal Same here. I was addicted to sex due to the abuse. I had to have a lover to feel loved. It isn't so. I'm 53 now. Have adult kids and two grandchildren. My husband died 6 years ago..then the rapist came, set up by non other than my so called best friend for anal rape. Now a friend isn't even someone I trust anymore, let alone my mother who makes excuses for her pervert brother. I just told her the other day "mum, I love you and will help you, but lets not change the narrative to accept what he did" ..I'm done. I have nobody to love me, hold me, or hold me, but I cry to God. I know He here's it..and will come and do something to help me

[@healing_1]

Omg IAM so sorry, did u do some kind of therapy. EMDR worked just fine for me

[@Abberlain]

so true!

[@creativesamproductions]

thx 4 sharing these vids. It's really informative as I try to build a healthy-foundation & mindset hoping to get into a relationship soon.

[@pyttpytts2690]

you seem pretty good, at talking about this stuff..

[@RoughDraftChristianVids]

That mutual protective desire cones from two equally yoked (Spirit filled) people. Basically, it is hard to find people who understand love. Most are empty, or demon controlled, and selfish seeking to be satisfied. --- clue number one people who think sex before or outside marriage is ok if you "love one another" aka fornication. Biblucal Christianity is not a subjective application of God's objective truth, and love design. When we walk outside the design, we walk in the kingdom of darkness and put ourselves in legal position to be exploited by the enemy / deception and a road the can't possibly result in peace or freedom or joy or love.

[@SimplySurrender]

I really love this comment of yours... And thank you for it... You're right, people look at the Bible like a suggestion .. That book is not a suggestion.... And you're right if we step outside of the will of God, we are absolutely walking in darkness and at the will of that darkness..... It took me a long long time to realize what was going on, and embarrassingly long time lol..... My goodness if I could have taken seriously what I take seriously now I wouldn't be so horrifically beat up inside, it doesn't just affect your mind and your spirit and soul but your physical body as well..... I guess people have to really go through it sometimes to finally surrender their life and will to the will of the Father..... I was one of those people..... It's very difficult to put into words what's really going on and how the dark side works, there's a lot I definitely could say but even just to say it isn't enough for some people, there's just an understanding that is hard to relay...... It's just like explaining Christ and his salvation for us to someone.. You could tell them everything you know and they will still look at you with a blank face until the holy spirit moves them.... Give some revelation and understanding... Until then, it's just words....😊

[@RoughDraftChristianVids]

@@SimplySurrender You are welcome! Thank you for the response. I hear you. I am in the same boat, . . . having valuable experience and wisdom from what I went through and at the same time, still recovering and at times. . feeling horribly beat up inside. I can relate. Mind, spirit, soul, and body are all wounded in "these diabolical" relationships. I have some life coaching background and want to use it to help others, but it's a challenge. For many reasons. I need to find people like me to connect with and work through stuff. I have needs to be coached and desire to coach. So. . .ha. . it's . . uh interesting. Life. If you want to connect, I am open to it. Let me know. I am a 61 year old Christian man. Just looking for genuine Christian friends who get it.