Examples of My Dating Conversations: How I Assess Strangers on Apps

Showing how I spot boundary testing and people possibly attempting to manipulate me on dating apps.
"Storyteller Techniques of Groomers and Manipulators" video: • "Storyteller" Techniqu...

[@yakljgaklg]

It’s not confidence, its arrogance

[@Cutest1TheGame]

Your storytelling video was eye opening! I’ve watched it 3 times. No one in all of three years of binge-watching manipulation and cult and narcissism and psychopath and CPTSD videos has mentioned storytelling as a grooming technique in the love bomb phase. Thank you!!! Ok, now to watch this video…. love 💕 from internet stranger Cutest1TheGame

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

Every man who said to me very early, 5 minutes meeting even! >>> I think you are affraid of me. Are you not affraid to be with a man alone in an elevator ( we where! ). Are you not affraid to step into a car with a man ( he invited me to help people with food ). Do you allways have to be so vigilant of men ( him of course ). Do you have so much bad experiences with men? I am not like other men, like you encountered ( i must have encountered a lot of bad ones allready in his eyes, because i was slow and cautious, not wanting to meet in his house ). I am not a serial killer you know. Or... Do you think i am a serial killer? Do you think i am going to rape you? You know what? All men with those sentences/remarks WHERE jerks. I did not listen and yes, they where toxic, no good, scary af, kreeps, dominant, overpiwering me, narcissists sociopaths, psychopaths, manipulative, very demanding, crossing boundaries, players, mysoginists, etc. This males where men to avoid at al cost and not fit for a healthy relationship and a danger to your persona.

[@TheAZT3150]

I agree about keeping privacy. Especially if they are predators they will prey on vulnerabilities and zone in on it. Smart! ❤

[@mendey14]

You are wise beyond your years blessings to you

[@arielalexis3139]

Saw your story on KZbin! I just want to say I’m sorry you went through so much and you deserve the best

[@sarahconal738]

Hey Ehren I saw your story on Unfiltered. I hope that you know that you took a very traumatic event and you probably saved alot of children from the abuse you went through. Knowledge is so crucial thanks for being an advocate and truth warrior. Not gonna lie as a mother myself the mom in me wanted to go track the man that abused you and do things that pretty much can't be written here. You are so valuable and pure hearted you deserved so much better.

[@Abberlain]

to find your videos and know this assessment process is so reassuring. I tend to analyse my conversations in the similar way and at some point not having a lot of people around me doing that, I started to think I'm a little bit "too much". But now I know! I'm not alone in this. This makes so much sense to me.

[@mitch18291]

The way you read into this was spot on and it’s amazing that you’re sharing this info! I would just add that I don’t think anyone should feel the need to continue these interactions after they feel like their boundaries are being questioned. Anyone worth your time will be more than willing to take things as slow as you need to. I’m a dude and I know it’s frustrating that so many men are impatient about getting sex but they are seriously worth 0% of your time if they are rushing anything. Like yea they’re not necessarily “evil” but they are valuing sex more than your thoughts and feelings

[@alethea6781]

I agree about the reasons for those questions. I sometimes miss these and other power plays if I have an easy answer.

[@Auroramariaxo]

I saw you on unfiltered stories. Thank you for sharing. I can totally relate to some of the things you were saying. I am now 33 and am discovering mindsets and behaviors within myself that I can see why and where it started in my young life. I also was very prideful in the fact that I was "strong" and essentially "unaffected" by negative things that have happened to me. The older I get the more I realize that it's just not the case. Although I don't see a counselor (have yet to find one I trust) I am really working hard on changing things within myself and KNOW need changing! Thanks again for sharing. You are brave! ❤❤❤❤

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

Its not 'confidence' alone. It is arrogant It is cocky. Players are all 3 'boxes'.

[@Cutest1TheGame]

Great examples! I’ll look 👀 out for them in the future.

[@JustJ-Me]

Hey Ehren! I just saw the video of your journey on Unfiltered Stories. Thank you for sharing your experience. I find a lot of it relatable.

[@ap40oztofreedom]

Hi Ehren. I came upon your video for Unfiltered on Facebook while randomly scrolling. I just wanted you to know that your words and story meant so much to me. Thank you for having the courage to raise awareness and share your experience. I went through a similar trauma, and I have never felt so seen. I feel so much less alone and it felt so healing to hear the things you said. I’m so incredibly sorry you went through what you did. Wishing you all the love and healing❤️

[@gabriella6299]

That guy asking you to be able to predict at what speed you’ll want your relationship to go with him is ridiculous. That’s kind of pressuring, as if you can just force yourself to feel feelings for him etc …. How horrible, I’d be pissed off talking to him too.

[@Chucanelli]

This video came up in my feed, but I ended up watching the previous one for context. The storytelling explanation made sense in a broad way, but I found myself wishing I could see examples. And here they are! Nicely done, solid explanation of the concept in the other video, and then this one fleshes it out in a really helpful way.

[@Handlewithluv]

You’re a precious gem. Thank you for your fortitude and validation, it has helped me so much…empowered me at my weakest. ❤

[@Chucanelli]

Oh, and it’s interesting your read on “I think you’re afraid of me, winky face”, I read it as like, “Oh come on, I don’t bite. You can open up to me.” Still not good, just different reads from the receiving end. Edit to add: This seems like a good illustration of something you said in another video, where you withhold/put a boundary around something and see how they respond. You said no to diving into certain topics so soon, and, as you pointed out, he got fixated on that. It’s that weird thing where they can’t abide being denied something. They must have what they want. Yikes.

[@void________]

Online dating is such a waste of energy. You could get lucky and meet your forever person but mostly u walk away with dating PTSD.

[@ritafarruggio2025]

I think your work can help a lot of people, myself included

[@crs509]

Hello! I’m from Spain, keep going you are extremly clear and well spoken

[@tc9528]

Wow. Nailed it.🙏🙏🙏

[@Sarahbtee]

I've never met anyone who claimed to have mind reading abilities and did not reveal themselves to be an actual sociopath at some point in the future. I don't overthink stuff like this. Even if I doubt myself to be wrong in judging them, it's never been worth it to wait and find out. I just run as fast as I can away from shit like this

[@ehrensjournal]

Congratulations on having the ability to not overthink and to run away. Being less mentally handicapped than other people in this area is definitely a blessing, definitely cherish xo

[@sarawelling5271]

No way I'd be talking to anybody on a dating app. Way too many red flags. Those sites are practically fields of them. I think I'd just as soon be alone and self-sufficient.

[@watchingthewaves1]

I agree!!! Dating is so hard and I just can’t find myself to get on a dating apt .

[@redstar7292]

Don't get into these, conversations on dating apps, just say your not interested this isn't going to work out. If they won't accept that, say you have to go out, and block them. He should be talking about his Tennis back hand, or books that he likes. Or a language he is learning.

[@alethea6781]

You’re good at reading people. Me too! We have that in common!

[@stravagantares]

I like the smart way you think things through. I agree about that "you are afraid of me" 🚩💯 Weird thing to say and puts things in a disturbing power perspective. I would not like that either.

[@henniannariina5877]

GREAT video

[@noose1911]

How good looking was this guy and how much money did he make that had you bothering with him with these texts?! Like, if he ain't using text solely for setting a date/time to meet up and do something/go out somewhere with you, then why are you going at-it, back-n-forth with him like this in the 1st place?! You should've ghosted him right from the get-go via the nature of merely how he was handling the texting. No man whom has his shit together, is on his purpose, is out there grinding, chasing excellence is wasting their time texting back-and-forth a girl they got some early interest for going nowhere like a dork. Dude's a dusty-ass DORK 😅.

[@mrRambleGamble]

Really well described. God bless.

[@lizzieochoa913]

So on point!!! Thank you so much for this. I experienced this last week and what a waste of time freak this dude was! This was just one dinner with someone I just consider a fellow artist/colleague, not attracted to him at all in anyway or stretch of the imagination.

[@zuriahbaby]

Thank you for your sharing it’s made me decide to start therapy because I see that I need it…you put into words what I couldn’t I just felt. Thank you

[@watchingthewaves1]

I feel like “safe” people are busy with there life’s and usually don’t have time to text like this and should keep it short. Especially in the beginning they don’t know you and you don’t know them. It should be a build up of mutual trust and respect before it’s safe enough to even ask questions like this guy is asking .cut the cord wish him all the best but bye boy✌🏻

[@mendey14]

All scams be careful

[@kzy1457]

Hey, i have been talking to someone older than me that i think haw exhibited grooming behaviour in the past with me. What's interesting is, he gives me the power. He tells me he's scared of me because o don't reveal. Which is mind boggling to me because i have been vulnerable, but not a lot. It's sort of like an invitation to me to enter a space where i am being told that i have power, but i know I don't. It feels crazy thinking about conversations this way. Telling someone they that you intimidate them cuz you don't open up a lot for safety reasons is also a gateway to loosening up the gaurds, maybe.

[@Trizzer89]

That guy was definitely weird AF and shouldnt be trusted

[@tc9528]

🙏💞🙏

[@user-zy8gk2nn7d]

you fried him wonderfully - you know this predator and his motives and reactions better than the predator himself:))). Very high quality content. You have also mentioned something very important - joyful greyrocking - the only thing that really works.

[@ritafarruggio2025]

❤

[@ProfessorBorax]

If you look at it the other way round (subconscious way), I can imagine he is probably insecure (as abusers generally are), and afraid that the reason why you don't want to tell him about your past relationships is because he isn't trustworthy... and when you are insecure it's painful to accept that someone may not find you trustworthy (especially when prone to black and white thinking - I don't trust you right now feels like you're an untrustworthy person in general). I'm not saying you should have reacted differently, it's just a potential perspective :)

[@IbHustln]

stranger danger!

[@KCrvr]

I don't like the confession of his psychic ability either. I smell a sign of unhealthy ego on top of the text pushing for the power role. Not attractive at all to me. Thank you for laser zooming on these signs.

[@mendey14]

No sex before marriage

[@mendey14]

Who cares what they say or think 💬 You have to do what's good for you Let them go get dinner from the garage can

[@mendey14]

You are very smart 🤓 women I just hope you put G-d first thing in your life

[@princekermit0]

Hmm well, since you asked for our thoughts, I will offer mine. I think you're right about hyper sensitized dopamine junkie society at large. Based on the texts that you shared, my read (which admittedly will be superficial) of the nature of his texts. While I'm no guru with special revelation into the inner prefrontal cortex workings of the fellow in question... the vibe comes off kinda of foux autist. Pretty one dimensional thinking, and more to your point. It's unnatural dialog between strangers. I see more and more men have read into and have some manosphere / PUA culture dogmatics and I think his pushiness might be accounted for in simple insecurity while pretending to be confident. Confidence/cockiness still ranks high as an indicator of interests by women. A lot of men are terrified but feel the neccessity to 'man up' and adopt an orientation towards confidence or just 'go home'. Guys tend to be one tracked minded/goal oriented. Perhaps he is pushy because he has some hangups and operates from a scarcity mindset, or an inferiority complex. Who knows... but he's either oblivious to the many social clues/context hints that you dropped and/or he's very tone deaf. I would like to pose a question Ehren... without telling me all the background and past history... and perhaps my question will come across as a little too forward. But here goes. Given how high sex partner counts correlate to failures in pair bonding and the divorce numbers seem quite high. How would you know that your past promiscuity wont adversely effect the ability to make a long term relationship stick? Like Marriage? [You are an exceptionally bright, well spoken and attractive woman. And seemingly well adjusted.] If, I were courting, or intending a long term relationship with someone like yourself... I know that I would want to know, what you are doing to offset a serious potential handicap. Maybe not a day two or even month six conversation... but sooner is better than later. I speak in the hypotheticals, when I ask. I'm not looking for a salacious cup of tea to be spilled here. 1. Women Who Have More Non-Marital Sexual Partners Are Less Likely to Have Stable Marriages 2. More likely to end up as single-mothers 3. Less overall happiness 4. More likely to be depressed All this is especially the case when someone has started being sexual under the age of 18. (source: the National Survey of Family Growth, a survey fielded in 1995 to a nationally representative sample of roughly 10,000 women between the ages of 15 and 44) Research from the Medical Institute for Sexual Health illustrates the importance of oxytocin when it comes to bonding. *“When an individual chooses to engage in casual sex, breaking bond after bond with each new sexual partner, the brain forms a new synaptic map of one-night-stands. This pattern becomes the “new normal” for the individual. When and if the individual later desires to find a more permanent partner, the brain mapping will have to be overcome, making a permanent bond more difficult to achieve.”* While I don't know what your asperations are. But I am quite curious, for the sake of conversation. In the hypothetical, I don't casually date. I date with intent to marry. I don't engage in premaritial sex, I am looking to build a family with kids. I want a stable future in an intact home, as this is a major contributor to a successful outcomes for kids. I will reiterate that I don't know what your asperations are, and perhaps that's something that You wouldn't want to divulge on youtube either. Perhaps you've made a video where you've already answer this. I'm new to the channel, day1 newbie here. Gotta say the video production quality and subjectmatter/content are +97% percentile quality. [oh noes, I may have given you too much praise, redflag. I kid, I kid]

[@seaneckhart9914]

You overanalyze things a bit because of your past trauma so understandable. In reality most dudes just try to smash and dash

[@ehrensjournal]

I don’t think someone pursuing a casual sexual experience instead of a long term relationship negates the use of manipulative tools like this being used. If you’re a person who has a habit of using manipulative tools to achieve what you’re wanting in life, that can bleed into any variance of situations- workplace, intimate relationships and also to achieve getting casual sex, as well. And I don’t assert that every person is using these tools, that’s too black and white. There’s plenty of people who aren’t. But the belief that someone merely pursuing casual sex therefore equates to a lack of manipulative behavior existing, or tools like I’m describing in this example video being used, doesn’t personally resonate with me, but that’s just me :-)

[@JennaHasm]

​​​​​​@@ehrensjournal Read the book/pdf "How to lay girls guide". If we can get in touch I can send you a copy. By the way, what he did was a pickup technique and a neg. It is clear you aren't aware of the information men share to each other to get cheap s3cs from atractive young women (the only kind of women men care about). Since you're in a metropolitan city, it is a breeding ground for R selected men that go for short term mating with dark triad traits. Your chances to find a man that is interested in long term marriage there are small, because of their lower reproductive rate. The ones that can't talk to you on a first date are the ones you should look for (you'll have to carry the entire conversation).

[@EdwardMannino9688]

Ehrin. Male/Female romantic relationships are very complicated. It involves a great amount of emotional vulnerability. If we add sex to the equation, then we opening ourselves up to a deeper emotional vulnerability. Sex is the strongest attribute to engage in to prove we are committed each other and a sign that we are one. If we decide to engage in the sex act before marriage, then we are giving permission to the other person to leave. We are saying that, now that we have engaged in an act that solidifies into one, it is ok if you want to leave me. This opens up the opportunity to become emotionally damaged. It just doesn't make sense. If somebody has been traumatized, now that person is pouring gasoline on an inferno. For sanity's sake, let's engage in sex as an act proving commitment to each other instead of a commodity. I think this way, we can protect our emotional well being from a lot of unnecessary pain.🎉💐