Exes: I Wouldn’t Change A Single Thing | {THE AND} Aubrey & Shei

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Aubrey (she/her) and Shei (she/they) have been dating on and off for about 3 years and have decided to take a break from their romantic relationship. Yet, they still live together and are trying to navigate their post-breakup feelings. They both agree that they will always care for one another despite the title of their relationship.
As we explore new perspectives we invite you to step into the emotional space of connection and experience the deeper lessons that shared experiences can afford humanity. To everyone who has participated openly and vulnerably in our project - we appreciate what you have shared with us and hope others do as well.
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DIRECTOR | Topaz Adizes
PRODUCER | Jenya James Hamidi
PRODUCTION MANAGER | Mari Delgado
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY | Luis Goyanes
CAMERA OPERATOR | Kat Hennesey
COORDINATOR | Juli Vasquez
SOUND | Joe Hernandez
EDITOR | Rosie Gardel
AC/MM | Tania Espinosa
WITH THE PARTICIPATION OF | Aubrey and Shei
I Wouldn’t Change A Single Thing | {THE AND} Aubrey & Shei

[@StrayScouter]

My heart literally broke when she choked out "not a single thing"

[@Mabhonzoo]

Damn love hurts 😢

[@cebaa8969]

Same 😭😭

[@darigaaitkulova6270]

Time code 6:27

[@courtneycobble]

Girl on the left is ready to move on but doesn't want to hurt (right) anymore. What a guilt trip.

[@ene1818]

Living together just drags the inevitable out. Figure out who gets the cat and then you each move and get your own places.

[@shanesemathis5568]

Yep… separation and your own breathing and dwelling space is necessary.

[@joy7367]

i'm going to copy my reply to another comment but idk, i see myself (or my past self) a good bit in the red haired girl (even though my version of this wasn't as long, months rather than years) and I feel like though it really helped me when i went away on holidays for a few weeks i'm very grateful we are able to maintain our friendship and still live together, and being away had to happen at the right time for me, right after the thought of living separately was really scary so it would have felt quite violent so it's one of those things that you just have to let time do its thing sometimes

[@Grace_Psychology]

I was in a relationship similar to this dynamic. I was like Aubrey, the one who loved the other more. It's so heartbreaking to revisit those emotions and memories. Now I'm much happier and in a better place! I hope Aubrey knows that things do get better.

[@larissapienaar2436]

It’s not ‘more’. It’s different. Not everyone experiences or expresses love in the same way.

[@emmabunch-benson4795]

How can you make any determination about more? You’re assuming. You don’t know anything

[@diamcole]

@@larissapienaar2436 For some people, getting into an argument about "more" vs. "different" is just delving into semantics and personal truth. As long as no one is demonizing, I don't see the issue with two truths existing in the same space.

[@antisin123]

The perfect example of loving someone more than you are loved back 😭

[@Everyonecallsmesophie]

I say this as a queer person that we in the lesbian/bisexual community should try to make our breakups neater. I too was in a relationship with my girlfriend for two years, on and off in this same dynamic. Yes, we were roommates too lol. And I held on for too long in this same situation, asking all these questions and having all these talks and I tell you that wish I had walked away sooner. It hurts to let go, I know, the community is a tiny and close niche, and when we find love it seems like a soul connection even when all it's doing is draining us. Lesbians suck at breaking up! If you are reading and you're in a similar situation, walk away. Pack up your heart and walk away. It doesn't matter the connection, if you're crying this much, it's not worth it.

[@earth2ellie]

Right! The community needs to set firmer boundaries when breaking up and have an abundance mentality! Your next romantic partner is out there and to hold onto a dead situation because of fear of not finding someone else is really damaging and co-dependent. We need to do better.

[@indiajoseph4292]

@@earth2ellie couldn't have said it better! it's not love if it's "worth" hurting yourself over. you will find people capable of loving you just as much and more if you take good care of yourself and channel good vibrations.

[@tricetrixie]

I too was in a relationship like this, I was like you Aubrey. I loved her more than she loved me and when we broke up a decade ago, I left that door open and she would come in and out of my life at her pleasure. She came back into my life recently and professed her undying love for me and I got sucked right back into her web. But, this time, I really took sometime to analyze the past decade and how this has always been a trend and I came to the conclusion that I had to shut the door that I had left open for her all these years. And I shut it. It took me ten years but I finally shut it and immediately a weight lifted off of the depths of my heart. I hope you find the strength to shut the door as well.

[@Lindsay--uh8zo]

that is really brave of you and im happy for u that u you have moved on and was able to not go back to the easier path and faced the real issue

[@bushranikhat2326]

Same thing is happening to me as well from almost half a decade. I hope I get the courage to shut the door.

[@okonkwoifunanya9029]

Thank you

[@ndaubeneck]

aubreys heart is so open and transparent. i truly felt every tear she shed.

[@R0995]

It seems like the girl on the right is not ready to let go at all. I wish them both the best thanks for sharing.

[@jessicat6561]

And you can really see this from her eyes

[@elixirdelatierra]

''I wouldn't change a thing because it got us here'' what a beautiful way to state that everything happens for a reason and that we are exactly were we need to be, even when it's painful. Thank you for sharing such intimate conversation, you guys are inspiring! I wish you both the best. Love from Spain 🧡

[@lovemaira7509]

This was hard to watch, just because it’s always the saddest thing when two people are not on the same page, and when one is ready to move on while the other isn’t. Sometimes ripping the bandaid off is a lot more merciful and considerate.

[@jazzyboo100]

Oooof 💯💯‼️‼️

[@purplecarrotstirfry]

Looks like the classic anxious-avoidant trap

[@jenniferh3827]

Yes, I think you've nailed it! Girl on left (gol) has feelings for girl on right (gor) but is scared by how much gor needs gol. Gol wants to be with gor but doesn't want to be the sole cause of gor's happiness or unhappiness, and feels weighted down by her keenness, made worse by gol's distance. I was gol, once. Gor said that she felt like she was close to suicide if I didn't move in with her. I loved gor and I've never loved anyone like I loved her, but I felt weighed down.

[@az6462]

Exactly what I was thinking ! The nail on the head...

[@quiqui6424]

yeah it does. it was also interesting that Shei was mostly asking the questions and not answering. but i guess they chose to keep more of Aubrey's answers in the video @Jennifer H i was also the one on the left once. i suggested taking a break when i had an identity crisis + my mental health was really bad. and they said 2 weeks apart would make them too anxious. so i said we should break up. when we tried to talk about it, it felt like we'd been in 2 different relationships. Feeling needed can feel nice at first but feeling wanted is a whole different thing. im still learning how

[@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721]

@@jenniferh3827 You were right to feel weighted down. Threathening with suicide is quite literally abuse. As an avoidant myself, I have find that my avoidance is so strong because the moment it starts leaving it leaves completely and I am left having no clue as to how to put healthy boundaries, even forcing myself to do things I don't want. So that might be also what is happening to you. Believe me, suicide threaths is enough reason to break up.

[@xloohoolizzyx]

Being vulnerable is a superpower, thank you for sharing your experience so openly!

[@danclovski]

"It's still the purest thing I've ever experienced" and so it is. It's almost impossible to replace. Sometimes you really just don't want to. A love that is so pure and natural to you. Sometimes, you just dwell on it. You just never really want to leave. I mean, how could you? I know I don't.

[@earth2ellie]

"falling in love is the stupidest thing you could ever do!" she preaching! 🗣

[@thaeljeanfrancois6330]

It is so hard to let go of someone that you were deeply in love with. You shared with that person every important thing of your life during the time you were together. Coming to term with this type of relation is very hard

[@whitneyhunt1157]

Whew. Wow. Y'all were super vulnerable and open to sharing your pain, healing, and love. The added layer of being so open about not knowing what's going to happen... that takes so much courage and vulnerability to put it out there like that. 👏 Wishing you both the best on your individual and collective journeys.💜

[@TMB62]

They have to truly set one another free. Disconnect fully, they are way to entwined for this to be healthy. I'm glad to hear them acknowledge this but they need to work harder on true separation.

[@sophiezena7034]

I feel bad for Aubrey, it seems like she is suffering and hasn’t moved on unlike the other girl 😢

[@Tsitak420]

Me and my partner have been together for nearly 3 years on and off as well… we are definitely co dependent as well and toxic but I understand what they mean when they say they are scared to actually break up and find other people. Ugh my heart breaks for them

[@drakmaya9438]

crying my eyes out while watching this. relating to the girl on the right so much.

[@madisonwallace]

Oh boy. Aubrey needs to let Shei go. Shei is done.

[@sheyderyen5821]

They're serving MAD Scorpio (Shei) & Capricorn (Aubrey) energy and I'm loving it 🖤

[@desiloui]

This comment hit WAY TOO CLOSE to home LOL …

[@tiliaevm]

this reminds me so much of the unconditional love i still have for my first girlfriend

[@quenchtv5436]

Are you still single

[@khf729]

Same

[@procrastinartist2825]

i feel pain with them speaking, it hit home cause i went through a breakup similar to theirs where it was hard to accept it bc there was no bad blood between me and my ex and she was basically my bestfriend and the worst part that it happened during the pandemic and we lived in different places which made it hard to talk it our. i really hope for Aubrey and Shei to find their middle ground and sort things out and i believe time will heal their pain no matter what it is, looking forward is a good thing that someone would do to disract us from the past that can hold us from getting better. i wish all the happiness in the world for these two sincerly.

[@attackofthedro]

Well… I’m glad some people felt something watching this bc all I felt was a drag. This concept of “we’re together but not together” in my generation is terribly embarrassing. Stop hurting people you claim to love just bc you’re afraid of the unknown.

[@treebles]

dang, i feel bad for the girl with the blue eyes. she deserves someone who is *still in love* with her. the other cutie seems to have a grip. really, i think they need to rip the bandaid off. sad, but true.

[@mylou1231]

So wholesome! I'm so impressed by the way Aubrey expresses herself! 😍 Sometimes, not knowing how to let go means we're not supposed to let eachother go!

[@d1g1t4l1b4th]

this really hurt to watch after going through a similar messy breakup. i felt like i was watching myself when i saw the girl on the right who was crying. like i was so in love and emotional invested while the other person wasn’t as much. we were off and on for a little bit but all it did was end up getting me hurt more in the long run bc she wanted to talk to other people. i saw someone else comment this but if they are making you cry this much, it’s not worth it and they aren’t good for you. she wanted something more casual and i would cry all the time bc i couldn’t do it. i loved her too much to be in that kind of relationship. as difficult as it was i’ve walked away from the situation now and i just hope i eventually i stop feeling how i feel rn

[@romu3252]

this is so touching …im so glad this video got on my recommendations

[@_sacar]

i love this channel. such beatiful deep meaningful conversations

[@SnapszDuhh]

The way i relate to the on the left is crazy. This broke my heart. I hope she finds someone who loves her and her expresses that TO HER as much she expresses it. She really deserves that. I wish them well🥺❤️

[@Eleni1998]

What a beautiful video, it truly touched me. Love this channel.

[@masterpej8139]

Literally shedding tears. This hurts so much but also, their love is so beautiful. Wish the best for both of them!

[@Hummingbird25]

That was such a grown and real conversation. Wish them both the best ❤

[@reemoh1368]

OMG that's so heartbroken.. Touching.. I wish them a better and healthier relationship in the future

[@procrastinartist2825]

i almost forgot about this youtube channel until recently i was having a shower and it just crossed my mind, what happend to the skin deep, then this video showed up on my feed today, i'm so happy to see content from you guys again, i really love this channel!

[@haller8357]

It literally came to me today but for the dear life of me, I just couldn’t remember the name.. well not until a few minutes ago 😅

[@freeeee10]

this is so heartbreaking:( just wish happiness for both of them

[@y4girlang]

i’m so glad to see these videos! for awhile, i thought you guys stopped posting new content

[@jjjeeesssiiieee]

Damn. They need to break up all the way and stop living together so girl on right can move on.

[@barrycahope9460]

I cried throughout this episode 🥺 anyone else? I was in a relationship like this for 6 years i don't know if I'm still in this! It's such a torture 😢

[@jaamesfn]

I wish I could sit down with one of my exes and do this. There’s so much I wish I could say. I’m a mess watching this since I just resonate so much. Beautiful and heartbreaking.

[@EmEm872]

Wow this was tough and beautiful to watch

[@blahdelablah]

I thank you both for being vulnerable in this coversation. I don't know what the future holds, but I will say that you really need to consider not living under the same roof anymore. Time apart will help you build independent lives, which will enrich your friendship. If the thought of living apart is scary, that's all the more reason to do it, as otherwise the sense of co-dependence will only grow as you insulate yourselves from the outside world. I hope you have the financial support to make such a change. I hope for the best for both of you.

[@jamielondon6436]

I agree. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", is the idiom, I believe. If their ways lead them back together, all the better. :-)

[@lovemaira7509]

Agreed. It’s hard to find your new normal when the reason you feel all out of sorts is still in your face as a painful reminder.

[@joy7367]

idk, i see myself (or my past self) a good bit in the red haired girl (even though my version of this wasn't as long, months rather than years) and I feel like though it really helped me when i went away on holidays for a few weeks i'm very grateful we are able to maintain our friendship and still live together, and being away had to happen at the right time for me, right after the thought of living separately was really scary so it would have felt quite violent so it's one of those things that you just have to let time do its thing sometimes

[@blahdelablah]

@@joy7367 "being away had to happen at the right time for me" You were lucky that you had that time, but it's not just about it happening "at the right time for me", what about the right time for your ex-partner? If you were in a similar situation again but living together was hurting your soon to be ex-partner, would you still think it was acceptable to start living apart "at the right time for me"?

[@Amanda_Jele]

This was so beautiful and sad to watch 💔💕

[@WONDERSTONEENTERTAINMENT]

These two are breaking my heart...I can see their love, pain, fears, and strength.

[@lav7161]

Gonna be a rough recovery for Aubrey. Shei has already accepted the separation

[@raquels9880]

This is codependency right here, they're not ready to transform the relationship yet, specially the girl at the right (she still thinks with the "we" in mind). They can't see anything but the projected idea of their "special" bond. And they said they were together for 3 years On/off, that's usually a huge red flag for me in a relationship. They need to fully split up before restarting anything together again.

[@loko7051]

I feel like they address all of this pretty clearly, and acknowledge plainly their strivings towards interdependence. They're fine-- just navigating a really tough zone where they're staring down their codependency looking to change it.

[@jcc152509]

Thanks, Sigmund.

[@sinyilam5469]

Beautiful to watch! Thanks ❤

[@sandracarrollo]

Oh man I feel like know this pain she’s feeling so well. 🥺

[@ashleighs7884]

I've been with my gf for now 9 years( lesbian couple 12 year age gap) was 20 when we met she was 32 We often talk about our feelings and what we want in life so we're on the same page as each other. Even after 9 years I still can't wait to get home to her. Yeah we've had our ups and downs over the years but never broken up cheated or gone our separate ways for some time. Some people need to be away from the person they love to see if they still feel the same. It's hard but unconditional loyaltie and love is rare and hard to find. They need to support you and your dreams as well as your future together. I hope these girls find someone to love.

[@anjaling]

My partner was also 12 yrs my junior, and I totally agreed with your statement, and also that couples need to grow fonder with each other, grow together and align in dreams and aspirations

[@quenchtv5436]

Im also 32 never had a gf im too scared to be in a relationship with someone who's younger plus im not that attracted the younger people and with a bigger age gap cos i think they are not serious i guess we should judge people im glad to read your comment stay strong 💪

[@jasmingodoymusic]

Sobbed the whole way through.

[@spaceforthesoul6286]

If you can love her so much..where is the love, in your heart, you are a very loving girl! Feel that. Focus on that. You cannot loose that. Wishing you both lots of love.

[@amidthechaoss]

You are back! FINALLY

[@Luvluna19]

Are there earlier videos of them pls link if

[@hathawyn]

I'm less than two minutes in. I already don't think these two count as exes.

[@adaezenwaokolo5456]

So much sadness in their eyes and ineffable emotions.

[@LandandHomesHawaii]

well..geez my heart is breaking and I have tears in my eyes. Poor Aubrey..I do not understand why thy broke up

[@JaaneJung]

Watching this video was so hurtfull for me because I know the feeling of being the one that "loves more" and after everything stil feeling this strong love. I would talk about this video and my situation during all day but if I do, my tears would dry.

[@shastajustice3753]

it's uncomfortable to watch this dynamic. enmeshment is not the same as love.

[@samchen2618]

Got me crying. My ex broke up with me. He is so ready to move on. While me was depressed for so long

[@arellytran]

Wow Shei is gorgeous… both are so beautiful. Beautiful life isn’t it? To have loved. I wish you both the best. ❤

[@BrownEyeZo3]

Ouch. I hope they can get to a place where they can smile again without any hurt feelings.

[@ron8090]

aubrey's eyes r so beautiful nd telling

[@tarabrown740]

I have an unhealthy attachment with someone atm so I understand.. thanks for this vid

[@janaestephens2593]

I swear this is the story of my life right now!!!!! 😢😅 😩😔 I feel for them both!!!

[@atanilative]

this is so heartbreaking to watch :(

[@savoyia9167]

I will never understand how people can get their words out while they’re bawling I can never speak 😭

[@swanny18]

damn. I see us so perfectly clear in them.

[@phillipsanchez4192]

Wow, these videos are so damned honest. Let me get this straight. These two are not together after making the inroads they have?

[@m9ten]

I feel so bad for Aubrey

[@tathow1218]

They are almost at the point of acting on the reality they love eachother but are not in love. Meaning a true separation need to occur to finally be ok.

[@BinaMalina42]

Asian girl definitely done with the relationship. She seems to slowly be trying to end the relationship without hurting the other girls feelings too much.

[@luis.bermudes]

Shei is so strong... I feel like learning from her. Perhaps I have already.

[@Nikthehermit]

she's literally billie eillish in a different font

[@quiqui6424]

HAHA

[@0130JU]

This is why I don’t want to be in a relationship but still want one😂😂 I think I’m not really capable of loving someone and I’d just break the other person’s heart but at the same time I want to have a relationship bc I want to experiencerelationship but just without the romance and sexual part😂

[@okonkwoifunanya9029]

Lol

[@crenmao]

Hits home pretty hard. Same setup. Same situation. Still co-parenting a dog. Same roof.

[@michellepedersen3422]

This shows a relationships where both partners experienced romantic love. They were in love, but now those romantic feelings have disappeared, as they always eventually will. They are left with love, but it's difficult to choose love, when no romantic feelings are involved.

[@RN-um4il]

Completely agree with what you’re saying here

[@patman9419]

Brutal. Run!

[@bananajas3640]

It’s making me think how Shei says that she doesn’t wanna really have it happen that in the very end they don’t end up together. So hard to know what to do. Deep deep love for one another. I am wondering if romantic feelings are too overrated in a relationship ? And if wouldn’t work for them to work on both on their independence or maybe consider opening up the relationship ? What do other people think ? Like generally? It’s up to Shei and Audrey to figure how it’s best for them

[@larissapienaar2436]

Opening things up to ‘fix’ them is the worst idea. Rather actually split, find some independence, then if you decide to come back together again, decide on the relationship dynamic from a point of strength.

[@manumachado08]

I don't even know these people but I felt it all as they were my closest friends )':

[@beckham48]

I cannot bear to see the other girl cry, can they get back together? There is so much lacking of love in this world, if someone say I love you to me, I would nv gave up on the girl

[@jimWalden-c4m]

These ladies are gorgeous...but one sided love is a tough emotion to overcome...

[@leebutcher2260]

Relationship is like reading a book with many chapters. After reading the last chapter you closed the book and move on. No need to re read the same book again. Goodluck

[@sandraskumar3135]

Now I'm more afraid to fall into a relationship 😂 i don't understand if there's love then why they didn't end up together I can't figure it out

[@corday32]

Heartbreaking….u need to leave each other ❤3 yrs on and off 🚩

[@sammy9888]

Mahn..... I'm actually crying

[@Zaein95]

not me sobbing 3 minutes in

[@whitebear2935]

Please bring back Ben&Sidra and Keisha and Andrew!!

[@shanesemathis5568]

Yesss I’d love an update on them!

[@earth2ellie]

I get the headspace they are in, I really do especially so suddenly after the breakup. But how do you hope to end up together at the end, but talk about finding partners better suited to the other while being apart? idgi

[@nicoleplumley4094]

I feel like the girl on the left is just over it. Her body language literally is just like “whatever”

[@MA-rn2xp]

That's how it is when you have moved on and are not in love anymore . You are checked out but I do find it odd that she wasn't empathic towards someone she used to love and claims to still care about. I agree I think Shei doesn't care at all she's done.

[@kaevile6729]

I hope they are doing ok

[@13thAMG]

Oh my goodness. That was heart wrenching to watch. Like the Neil Sedaka song says, 'Coz breaking up is hard to do.' They do truly love each other but they're clearly choking each other. Probably more the red-headed girl than the other. She just lost her way and got overwhelmed. Deeply sad. Hope they go on to have amazing lives. I cried for them.

[@reyuserolf456]

Y love isn't just enough 🥺 just hug her it so sad to see her crying 😔

[@RobertSmith-rj9md]

Both Beautiful Girls xx wish them the best xx

[@catlovers6441]

I just cry 😭😭😭

[@jennyfemmepal]

I luv u aubrey! *hugs

[@HappinessTheBrand]

Adorbssssss

[@DeniseSantos-qe5ee]

Uff i can feel the girl pain and its hurting me too

[@confuseme2727]

At the end of the day its still a choice....We choose eachother...

[@taylorrobert9495]

Not the one on the right looking exactly like Sarah Miller from ink master and having the exact same facial mannerisms

[@mirar5515]

OMG YES!!!!!