FACING DEATH: What Doctors Don’t Talk About

[@melh.5248]

My husband died in a local ER from a PE. After the ER doctor called it, I never saw him again. The nurses, though, stayed hours past their shift to wait for me. To pass their condolences and to hug me. They had spend several hours with me and my husband before he died and seeing them get choked up - while I would never want anyone to feel the pain of grief - I appreciated that they were not robots like I felt the ER doctor had been. It meant something to them that a patient had died. So, when I see medical professionals such as yourself feel it and take it seriously, I appreciate it and I am certain there's another widow like me who feels the same. Thank you.

[@drnsdevi]

Melissa M. Why don’t u think the other way like mayb the er doctors r busy n they have to save another patient. It’s unfortunate though sorry for ur lost

[@irwfcm]

Mel M. thank you for sharing that story. It reminded me of something I saw when my mother passed away. She was end-stage pancreatic cancer and my family was in the room with her when she passed. The nurse that came in right after that started to cry and apologized for getting emotional. Then as we were leaving the room, I saw her off to herself crying. It always meant a great deal to me that it meant so much to her. I know this post was awhile ago and I hope life is finding you well after you loss.

[@ChristophProbst]

I don't think for their own well being and sanity that doctors can get themselves emotionally invested in all of their patients. It would just be too much for a person to handle.

[@benjaminsorenson]

@@ChristophProbst I'm sure they don't try to but they will at some point get emotionally invested in a patient.

[@hildelovesyou6721]

Mel M. I’m so sorry

[@erictaylor5462]

I was driving down I-5 one winter, about 100 or so miles north of Bakersfield it was really really foggy. Visibility was about 50 feet and I was driving about 30-40 MPH, afraid to go faster because of the fog and afraid to go slower for fear of some idiot coming up behind me at 75 MPH. I saw headlights come out of the fog and the car passed me and was gone again almost faster than I could say "Crap". A few seconds later and I saw the car again, now up-side-down on the side of the road. A middle age woman was laying in the fast lane. She was already dead, but her husband was still alive laying on the inside shoulder. The car rolled over his body and he was very badly busted up. I stopped to help but there wasn't much I could do. Others were stopping as well. 9-11 was called and I grabbed a sleeping bag to cover the man. He was in a lot of pain and all I could do was hold his hand. He wasn't bleeding much, at least externally but it was clear most of his bones were broken. All I could do was hold his hand and try to comfort him. It took about a half hour for the paramedics to arrive and the guy passed not long after that. It was one of the worst half hours of my life. I have no idea how you guys can do that every day. You deserve respect even if that was ALL you did.

[@rebeccalucas6063]

Eric Taylor You showed compassion, and eventually when you meet again, he will remember your kindness.

[@DemonLord_D]

Rebecca Lucas if*

[@rebeccalucas6063]

I am bored I'm not necessarily referring to heaven, some people believe in reincarnation, ect. My beliefs have changed after meeting 2 people who died, and were revived. I respect each person's belief, I don't fear death anymore.

[@hanklogsdon8390]

Eric Taylor Great story.

[@kiara_7822]

The fact that you were prepared with a sleeping bag to at least comfort this man in his last moments gives me reason to further believe in destiny. I hope you found peace in that. There’s not many ppl like you in this world.

[@ThatMedic]

As a generation we are awful at speak about death. Ive found that being as open as possible is the best strategy - often we don’t have discussions about the end of life plan patients have. I always chat about the wishes of the patient and family if things go any set direction of ways. That way we can maintain what the family and most importantly the patient wanted!

[@Drzeezy]

Absolutely agree dude !! Death is one of those things which is both difficult to handle and also tell the relatives of the patient who passed away!! I know its a sensitive topic ! but overtime i guess we all will handle it !

[@benjaminsorenson]

Death, in general, is a taboo topic being involved in the medical field or not. There is a or was documentary on PBS about death called passing on and they say death is a taboo topic, not me and there are people out there trying to turn that around www.google.com/search?q=passing+on+documentary&oq=passing+on+docu&aqs=chrome.0.0j69i57j0l2.8491j0j8&client=tablet-android-samsung&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8 .

[@ashleyjennings3728]

I’m a police officer. This is surprisingly, incredibly relatable. People forget we’re first responders. With the heroin epidemic, CPR not being enough and leading to death is a daily thing. As soon as it’s over, it’s time to go to another call. You don’t get a chance to find closure until you get home and your house is quiet and the day comes back to your head. I love my job and being there for families when they lose a loved one and it’s wonderful that you’re reaching out to people to be open with each other. To talk!

[@ViolinMD]

Thank you so much for sharing Ash!

[@Sevisstillalive]

Thank you for what you do. I know it may not seem like people care about Officer's but We do. People do. Thank you for all you do. God bless you on Ur next Shift.

[@Kencan254]

I thought police thrive in and look forward to death. The way they are so trigger happy to kill another black victim. Fucks.

[@GaryCameron780]

Thank you for everything you do.

[@sunshinegirl1967]

It's so true! You take these bad days or nights home with you, in fact that's WHEN I would process grief, when the house was dark and silent. Then it would all come rushing back to me, all the moments I did not have time to deal with because of the busyness of that day. It can take quite a toll on a person emotionally.

[@cliffcollins6685]

We lost our grandson to DIPG. We were lucky to have world class doctors and staff helping him and us through it. His lead doctor shared this with us and now I pass it along to you. "Grief never ends ... but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith ... It is the price of love. " Best to you and thank you for sharing !

[@carlynowoj5232]

cliff collins just seeing this, I recently lost a friend to DIPG, I hope you are doing okay❤️

[@cellogirl11rw55]

I lost my nephew to DIPG about two years ago. 😭

[@JG-bp8dh]

I needed to hear that about greif. Thank-you for posting.

[@cristina6657]

Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@ellenorbjornsdottir1166]

dipg?

[@beckybarrow7993]

As a retired lab tech, I remember working night shift, by myself, and cross matching unit after unit, thawing FFP, running to process a blood gas, then a hemogram, then more blood. I was not part of that ICU team, but I still felt the pain of death after working so hard. I think hospitals and doctors forget about the lab sometimes.

[@ViolinMD]

Thanks for sharing Becky! Lab techs are definitely unsung heroes especially in emergency situations - sometimes when all we see is a number popping up on a screen, we forget there are people in the lab working hard to give us rapid, accurate results. Thank you so much for doing what you do! 🙏

[@Michiganbeerdrinker]

My mom is currently in the ICU, been there since superbowl Sunday, congestive heart failure due to the flu, the icu nurses and doctors have been amazing in both hospitals we've been in. You all are doing amazing work, easing not only our minds but calming my mom down. Just remember how thankful your patients and their families are, you may not hear it often, buts thanks for what you do.

[@khouse1554]

JhoeGames god bless you man, praying for your mom.

[@Michiganbeerdrinker]

khouse thank you so much, means a lot to hear that coming from a stranger.

[@footyfan101ful]

JhoeGames hows your mum going?

[@Michiganbeerdrinker]

footyfan101ful currently doing well. Out of the ICU as of March 14th. Slowly working on gaining her strength back. Walked 60ft yesterday with a walker. It's been tough she's only in her 50s so she's been feeling down bc she knows she was able to do so much more before she got sick. Good thing is she doesn't remember anything before she had her vent removed.

[@itsmeagancasssey]

JhoeGames praying your for mom 🙏🏼

[@davidwilmothall]

A childhood friend of mine knew when her dad, a heart surgeon, lost a patient because he came home from work, he went into his study, and closed the door.

[@rebekahbridges-tervydis5054]

I'm so glad you did share your feelings.

[@luntatagamingGamer]

Oh okay 😇

[@katie4335]

How do you process your feelings? I am going to have surgery and I am demoralized and a bit sad. I love your videos by the way. I can't wait until you introduce yourself and say you are a doctor.

[@KiwikimNZ]

I’m a nurse too and there are some deaths that really get you. Not that all deaths are not extremely sad, but sometimes the stress builds up and it can hit you really hard. Some patients and families you do get very close to and I have shed tears many times. I had one elderly man who was NFR and was in heart failure, he grabbed onto me and we hugged and cried and hugged and cried as he died in my arms. It was a privilege to be there with him in those last moments and reassuring to his family that he was nit alone and was being comforted in his last breaths. Some say it is unprofessional to cry, but I am human and I think that the human aspect of medicine is extreamly important. Family appreciate you caring about them and their loved one. I’d rather be fired than withhold a natural human emotion. Don’t get me wrong, you remain professional throughout, that is extremely important. These people need to trust in you and feel you are in control. Bless you, you are one incredible Dr and I love watching your videos. You may not see this as this video is old now, but it is so refreshing to see a Dr who is so down to earth, who does not have that superiority complex, not saying all do, but you come across as an equal to the nurses and less senior Drs under you. You explain things so patiently and willingly share your knowledge. You are my idol x

[@AdrienneDennison]

I was the mom whose daughter spent months in the peds ICU with her heart problem. The docs and residents like you made it bearable! I know it's hard but keep feeling and loving and being a compassionate physician.

[@Keith-fk5wh]

My wife was in the ICU for over 2 months in a medical induced coma. I gave the order to take her off life support, that decision has haunted me every day for over 20 years now. Please do a living will or what ever it's called so you family does not have to make that decision.

[@IsaacIKE]

I know you posted this a long time ago but I am so sorry to hear that. I hope and pray you have found some peace. And if not, that you will.

[@jenniferferguson1517]

We in the medical profession don’t take care of ourselves nearly enough! I have worked in EMS for 20 years and I’ve held dead baby’s, I’ve seen dismembered bodies, I’ve even had a gun held to my head by a patient. All of this takes an emotional toll on us. Yes we need to pick up the pieces and go on our day, but we also need to make time to decompress and calm down. I am a huge proponent of both formal and informal debriefing. It doesn’t happen nearly enough. We need to normalize it more. Thank you for tackling this very important topic!!!

[@matraclm5422]

Thank you for having chosen this profession. I'm a chronically ill patient, and your sacrifice means the world to us. We might not let it show much, or even have the courage to tell you outloud, but we are so very thankful for skilled and caring doctors like you. You are our heroes. Thank you.

[@Iamkwabsatuahenee]

ICU nurse here and it's true

[@erintrapani932]

Wwqqww

[@srinikavlogs4485]

Yes

[@brettanymichellelawson-top5197]

Exactly

[@mandigurl2341]

My little sister attempted her life last March. She took so many pills...they were shocked she even made it to the hospital. Two others attempted as well that night at the hospital, with far less. My sister was the only one to make it. She was intubated three times, got bronchitis, and was in the hospital for about a month. The nurses and doctors were really attached to her, and anytime we bump into one of them they ask how she’s doing. She was there for an entire month, and her medical team was so kind to her and I am so thankful for the amount of empathy shown and that her life was spared. It’s really hard to talk about , and it still feels fresh, but with her permission I like to share the experience for anyone who may need to hear.

[@kkartiki182718]

I can truly understand.. as a paediatrician, in India, where the government health setup is inadequate to deal with the huge population.. our call shifts are like this almost every single time... multiplied by 10 almost.. the hospital that i used to work in had only 2 ventilators in the NICU .. for the number of births that happen it is nowhere near adequate.. and at one such call shift i had to juggle four babies who required resuscitation at the same time and i was the only paediatrician on call... it was the worst day ever and I ended up saving only one of them as we had run out of ventilators.. I dont think a first world medical resident can even imagine the horrors of a government hospital in India.. dont get me wrong.. we do have high end private hospitals which have all the infrastructure needed at par with any hospital in the USA or Canada but the majority of the Indian population cannot afford it... having worked in both kinds of setups I only truly wish India gets universal healthcare soon and the government hospitals improve enough to manage the huge population.. by the way love watching your vlogs.. especially loved ur postcall video.. totally relate to it..

[@jaecamillerose]

Wow, how utterly heartbreaking. Thank you for your service.

[@chatsworth777]

I'm sorry to report that things will get much worse in India. " Currently, holders of Indian government debt have been dumping 4.7 billion rupees ($73 million) of government bonds on average every day this year" www.armstrongeconomics.com/world-news/sovereign-debt-crisis/india-enters-the-sovereign-debt-crisis/

[@broadwaygeek4478]

Im so sorry, and we are all praying for you over in India

[@cellogirl11rw55]

India has been in my prayers a lot lately. On the Internet, I see lots of horrible things going on there, and I really wish I had the means to help.

[@spacelinx]

Government run healthcare or universal healthcare won’t solve the problems you’re facing. In the UK or Canada where it’s standard now, there are waiting lists to get tests for a medical concern. Long lines to get through the emergency care. Heathcare is rationed by a bureaucracy that puts a financial grade on the cost of a patient’s recommended treatment and denies it if the person is deemed too old to need the treatment or otherwise not get much long term benefits from the recommended treatment (the so-called “death panels.) In the USA we have what’s called the Veteran’s Affairs, a bureaucracy that runs a network of free healthcare facilities for US military veterans and its level of care is worse than many of the state-run hospitals. The state-run hospitals manage to get adequate funding for healthcare, but it’s still not enough to match what a private hospital can offer and it will always be like that unfortunately.

[@ianbell4816]

This video touched me deeply. My father was a doctor. He was among the first generation of doctors trained post World War II. A lot of battlefield experiences had trickled down into medical education during his training. That manifested itself in a certain stoic "matter-of-factness" when it came to dying and death. I used to go with him on rounds occasionally. When I was old enough to process mortality I asked him about how he was able to detach himself from it. He said "I don't, I can't. I compartmentalize mentally. In one compartment I am a physician, an analytical, data driven realist. I cannot serve my patients or their families any other way. In the other compartments I grieve and I rage against the unfairness to those taken too soon or those who linger too long." My father enjoyed a long, illustrious career being able to detach himself. But he felt the wins and the losses. All of them. It sounds, from this video, that you're on a similar journey.

[@6ft2yamaha87]

So glad you expressed your emotions to us. Being vulnerable is there, but not talking to other coworkers or someone who is in the healthcare field twill tear you up so quickly .Been a medic and working in a morgue, I’ve seen some things people should never see or even hear about. And have lost several coworkers that it got too much and they ended their life. Have that good support system. Talking doesn’t make ya weak. We all are human beings with a heart and have emotions. Thank you violinmd. Your a god send!

[@starforge5663]

Me personally… this video really cuts deep for me because my family has a history of helping people, my mom is a nurse, both my grandparents served in the armed forces and one of my uncles on my moms side had his legs amputated due to agent orange. But most significantly my grandfather and 2 of my uncles on my moms side were Eagle Scouts for the Boy Scouts of America and I am one myself, and one of the merit badges that you have to earn for the eagle rank is first aid. We did that one as a troop and our troop has 2 people who have practiced first aid, one is our scoutmaster as he is a paramedic, the other is another adult leader who works as a nurse. And me personally I have never been involved in a life threatening emergency as a boy scout but to me it’s only a matter of time until it’s my time to shine ✨ on the front lines of medical care. Thank you so much siobhan for making this video and honestly I can’t image what it must be like to have someone die when you put in so much time and energy to saving their life. But Thank you so much for sharing these experiences and how you deal with them as who knows maybe when the time comes I’ll need it but I hope that, that day doesn’t come anytime soon. Also to anyone who disliked the video, ahem; grow up and get some decency or maybe I should teach you something called common sense as I would image that this video must have been an emotional one to make. Especially for a medical professional.

[@benteIford]

I really feel like her channel should be so much bigger. She really opens a door about what really happens behind the scenes inside hospitals and how doctors/nurses really feel

[@AaronAtkinsonProfoundHouse]

My wife is an ER physician and doesn’t discuss work or the details of those tough cases she encounters, that often anymore . I remember having these discussions when she was a resident, so this brought me back to those emotionally tough rotations she was on. Good luck on your journey and thanks for being willing to share it with us.

[@kymberlymorley8700]

Thank you so much for this video. I’m an RN and I lost my first baby in a horrible code. Things went by the book during the code, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. We did debriefs, but that didnt make the pain go away either. I talk about it frequently still, months later, and always use that experience to educate anyone I train. I truly think that patient will just be one that weighs on my heart for my entire career. But I always want new RNs to know it’s ok to keep taking about it- you’re not annoying or needing to move. These experiences are important to our careers.

[@josiefrank8616]

This is so interesting, people don't think about the emotions that medical professionals go through in the workplace as well when tough things happen with patients! My dad recently had a stroke and he lost his vision because of it. The doctor was so dry and blunt when he told us he would likely not get his vision back. As a daughter and a family member of the patient you don't want to hear that. But in those moments maybe doctors have to remain emotionless because it is a difficult thing to have to break bad news to families...

[@samanthamahadeo3374]

Thank you for sharing your feelings. We need more people like you in the world. I recently lost my grandfather to a heart attack. We could to the hospital a bit too late and all the people in working in the ICU were really rude, the doctor disappeared straight after. I was standing outside and the nurses were just pushing past me and one even told me that if I wasn't being "productive", I should get out. It was really hard to process that at the time and just made me mad because they weren't even busy, just standing around and talking and laughing. Yet I was such a huge inconvenience. Anyway so sorry about the whole rant. But it was to good to get it out there. Not really anyone else I could talk to.

[@joseoswaldo712]

I'm glad I found this video. I'm a medical student in El Salvador, and I've experienced similar things for which I can relate with you. Thank you for sharing.

[@alishab1853]

I can already tell your bedside manner is most likely amazing! Empathy as a doctor goes a LONG way for a patient. How lucky your patients are to have you :) great videos!!!

[@JMcdon1627]

I am now retired. I served as a Medical Corpsman from 1970-1974. The rest of my career was as a Respiratory Care Practitioner. I can relate totally. Thank you for this accurate report on medical care practitioner's work experiences.

[@merediths.6613]

I enjoy your videos a lot. This video hits home last year my father was diagnosed with GBS it was a terribly traumatic experience. He had a stroke while in ICU after several attempts at a sedation vacation with no response we withdrew support. The doctors were terrible throughout the experience. We were dealing with mostly specialist who seemed inconvenienced by our questions. Even one of the nurses was uncaring to the point I had to report one of her unkind comments to my sister. If you can show a family that your human with feelings that's a plus. There's nothing wrong with showing compassion especially when a family is making such difficult decisions. I can't stress enough the importance of a living will and documenting your wishes!

[@fjoppis]

Meredith Smolen sorry you had to go through something that hard. And sorry for your loss..

[@meghanf2012]

Huge thumbs up to this! We do formal debriefs as well after codes but we also very much have a culture on my unit where we can feel comfortable talking about things and being honest about how codes or traumatic experiences made us feel. Sometimes we'll talk about situations and go over them repeatedly after they've happened and I think talking about things is one of the most important ways to help understand things and not let them eat you up inside. Im very much an introvert and need to process things within myself but having a team where it's okay to be honest and vulnerable and allowed to just talk or vent is so so important.

[@itsheidi3093]

It is so good to hear that you have debriefs! They help each individual so much. Dealing with death is soo tough. I work in aged care, its different i guess because they are coming to there end of life but boy have i seen some horrific deaths while working in aged care. I thought they all pass peacefully without any troubles. Boy was i wrong. After the worst passing me and a co worker were an absolute mess as we were close with the person and his family and just witnessing how horrible his death was was so awful. Our boss told us to act more professional and if we cry everytime someone dies we need to find a new profession.... i was taken back by that comment thats for sure. Its been a few years since then and its alittle easier now to deal with the passing of all our patients, but its so surreal. I was 20 when i first started in aged care and i remember i used to always think to myself 'why have i choosen a job with so much death when im so young i shouldn't have to witness this weekly'

[@brookek5922]

i started working in a nursing home at 18! i completely understand that perspective but know that you are so important to your residents lives and you make a difference every shift. thank you so much for working hard and sticking with the best population on planet earth!

[@catchingmotivation2944]

I really enjoy every aspect of your channel. I was a nursing assistant several years ago. It was a small hospital without a morgue so the CNAs would clean the patients up and take out tubes and such to prep them for the funeral home pickup. It's one of the reasons I didn't want to go into emergency medicine. I was glad to find that out sooner than later. I'm now going to school for physical therapist assistant and may continue beyond. I am also just now picking up the violin so finding your channel was really exciting. You're my perfect role model

[@DrAdnan]

Thanks so much for sharing! I feel like death is going to be extremely difficult for me to deal with in rotations and especially as a resident, so it was helpful to hear your thoughts and perspective.

[@LolaRyck]

Thank you for being a dr. For giving your love and sanity for us patients. 💜

[@NurseLiz]

Can very much relate to this, especially having to go from one situation to another without really being able to process. Those debrief sessions sound like such a good idea. I don’t know why but after a rough Code or event it is SO helpful to talk about it. Thanks for bringing awareness to the side of healthcare we don’t usually talk about!

[@jasonhottle6813]

Thank you for being real and showing people a small glimpse into being a doctor. Your true passion and love for medicine is so inspiring.

[@enteiraikou5845]

I'm so glad that you open these conversations out here where, like you said, it might be swept under the rug. My mentor is also a resident and he tells me that his coping mechanism for death is in two ways, Spending time with his loved ones and cooking. Yes, cooking. He loves to cook and he just let his creativity goes wild whenever he's stressed. I know that you said that you like to talk but what other methods do you like to do just to destress sometimes?

[@marynewton2774]

I know I’m late on this but I have done medical social work for years and one of my favorite jobs was working with hospice patients and families. I felt that it was a privilege for me to be allowed into a family during such a hard time in their lives. All of my patients died but I was so humbled to help give them and their family a “good death”. Always keep that empathy because I’ve seen many MDs that have lost it

[@sarahmeza7448]

I'm so glad you made this video. I've been an intern in the ED (I'm still in undergrad) and we would see these horrific trauma cases come in and then people would just keep going like nothing happened. It shocked me and I had a hard time dealing with what I saw and what happened. I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling like I need more acknowledgement of the situation to process it.

[@Mobbsey118]

I can’t remember how I stumbled across your channel, but I’m taken aback how positive and professional you always are. Your videos provide an amazing insight to your profession to us outsiders, and leaves me feeling even more admiration for the incredible work you do. This video however touches a nerve, having lost my father recently I wondered how all the amazing doctors and nurses that cared for him that we all as a family had bonded with could go through that day in day out. Your video and raw honesty as always provide wonderful insight. Thank you. And keep doing all the amazing things you’re doing.

[@simplyTaMa]

I’m not a doctor or a nurse but I’m a med tech at an assisted living. The past month we’ve lost 12 residents due to the flu. No there wasn’t any blood or any traumatic cases but I totally understand how you feel when there’s death all around you in such a short period of time 😢 love your videos !!! 😘

[@cannibalcatgirl]

My grandma lived in assisted living for years and when she passed the staff cried and mourned with us. they loved her like family, and we grew to love them all. We still keep in touch with two of my grandmothers care givers.

[@gwenwilliams5609]

I love how real your channel is! You don’t fabricate being a doctor and I’m blessed to have found your channel. I am planning to go to college to be a doctor and your videos have helped me better understand everything. Thank you so much!❤️

[@natedennis1371]

When I was 7 years old my grandma was in the hospital for what seemed like several weeks when in reality it was probably only a week or so. She had a lot of issues - diabetic, heart disease, smoker - I don’t remember what really caused her death, but I was in the room when she passed. The whole family was brought to a room and let us go in groups of 3 to say our goodbyes. I felt her soul leave the room. I still get shivers thinking about it. I guess since then I’ve never been afraid of death because I was introduced to it at such a young age. I know it’s a part of life as sad as it is.

[@monicasantos091]

Hi Siobhan, thank you for sharing this. I begin medical school in July but I am currently working in the ER, where I’ve already witnessed some deaths. It can be really difficult. Thank you for sharing this. I can’t wait to embark on this journey of becoming a physician, and I am glad that vloggers like you share these snapshots of the reality that is medical school & working as a doctor.

[@eclecticgirl94]

ICU doctors saved my life. Thank you ❤️

[@glamissunburn6010]

I know I'm way late to comment. It was really nice seeing you talk about this. Seeing your empathy. My father passed of a stroke 11 years ago. He was in ICU by the time I flew across the US and my plane landed. I rushed up to spend 3 hours with him before he died. My mom, sis and myself were there in the hallway balling our eyes out afterwards. A nurse walked up to us and told us they were sending a professional to counsel us immediately. We stood in the hallway for two hours with shocked and saddened faces. We were numb. Nobody showed up to council us... we were exhausted with grief and walked away feeling let down even more. No comfort or words to explain what happens next. Always keep that.. don't let yourself get "use" to seeing it and reach out or have staff reach out to comfort.

[@brianaxo8265]

I’m glad there’s people like you who have the passion and dedication to your work 💓 I’m very thankful for everyone who decides to become a doctor and help others! I always wondered what doctors felt when a patient passed away, I use to work in an urgent care as an MA and I noticed that there’s doctors who have no sympathy for patients and even made fun or made jokes of them after they left . Which made me sad and made me wonder if all doctors were like that . But anyways you’re such a great human being and I’m glad there’s doctors like you ❣️ great video

[@kathrynschaller8875]

I am just starting my career in radiology and am watching your videos to prepare myself for hospital life.. Your emotions are what will make you a fantastic doctor. Thank you for sharing.

[@paulaalberto9994]

Aww!! Doctor! That’s only shows you have a kind heart! I wish most of our Doctors are like you!❤️❤️❤️ we wish you well and may God continue to keep you and your family on his grace. We’re honor to hear your thoughts. This opened our eyes that there’s a Doctor like you who’s very attached and willing to help sincerely!

[@mrsardesch80]

Ahh the discussion about death. As hard as it is, I think it's extremely important! When we were losing my mother in law, I kept saying, I am an adult, but I feel like a child with this. Nothing can prepare you for it. It's something that we are along for the ride with. Definitely helps to talk openly, about the good, the bad and the ugly! There is no right or wrong, just whatever helps calm the soul. Thank you for talking about it from your perspective! Xo

[@capturedbyken2936]

When I was a kid, I was scared of death but now that I’m older, I know that even though it’s an unfortunate part of life, it’s also a necessary part that can’t be avoided. It’s definitely a teaching process and as long as there’s life, there will be death...one cannot exist without the other. Cherish each day, show appreciation towards your loved ones and just live life to YOUR fullest (emphasis on “your” because one persons definition of the “fullest” will differ from the next)

[@rebeccalucas6063]

Kenny 92 Couldn't have said it better!

[@glenstinson1254]

Kenny 92 no we aren't in this together, doctor's are being paid to drive people drugs you don't need. By big pharma, the FDA pays doctor's to prescribe drugs. They get show up fee's to tell other doctors this drug is great. If they sell multi billions and they only have to pay out a few million then the lost of life I okay the percentage is like tipping your waiter after an expensive meal. Been going on for years, it's gotten so good to them, why they came up with a new hipacratic oath. Why do you think that they call it the Hipacratic. It's because the old says. through dietary every disease known to man even AIDS can be cured Dr. Sebi proved that in a Magistrate Court. With 200 people with second opinion doctor's of people that had stage for cancer aided many other depilatory death sentences. With documentation. Sitting in court cured. Nothing to do but drop the case against him. They call it the Hipacratic oath be it says right there in black and white do not prescribe pills that people don't need and operations and chemotherapy that isn't worth a hoot pills are designed to keep the sickness going hence the Hipacratic oath. The new one pretty much says make that money man. How stupid do you have to be to let them fool's bombard your precious body with lethal doses of radiation. Especially when they hurry and either run out the room or behind lead shielding. We've become money making prositutes to a gazillion a year scam like NASA it's also Physically impossible to get to be the Moon. the writer of Huck Finn said the two most important days of your life, one the day your born and the day you find out why your here. The writer of Sherlock Holmes with my spin on it, said if take out the lie extract the bullshit then what's leftover indubitably must be the truth. I hope you have a good day Madame or Sir

[@capturedbyken2936]

Glen Stinson not really sure what that has to do with my comment but ok

[@BlackSheepNara]

I've never liked it when people say "live your life to the fullest". To me that's such a rich/upper middle class thing to say. They can afford to have nice things, travel, take time off work, go out on the weekend, etc. Poor folks have to work to the bone 'till the day they die and don't have much time for anything else. Yeah, that's a full life alright 😒

[@capturedbyken2936]

BlackSheepNara that's why I said "your fullest". Someone may be happy just to have a day to walk in the park or even just to have a few moments to just read the newspaper... they may get their happiness for helping others. It doesn't always have to be some extravagant thing or something that has a monetary value.

[@mtoralf]

Thank you for sharing. I am currently a 5th year Medical Student in Spain, and for a while now I've been struggling with finding/seeing a lot of disconnection between doctors and the real-ness (that you talked about in the video) of the reality of their work and their patient's lives. This sometimes lead me to think that as a very empathetic person, I wouldn't be strong enough to give the best opprtunities/care to my patients and their famílies; that being empathetic was what somehow lead doctors to disconnect from their emotions and their patient's emotions -as a way of finding balance between their work and personal life-. But today your words have given me hope. The reality, the raw human-ness(I am making up words) of the practice of medicine is what lead me and has kept me in Medical school, so today I am very grateful for finding your words, thank you for sharing your struggle and thoughts on such an important matter. I needed it.

[@acf427]

Thank you so much for making this. Facing death is one of my fears in going into medicine but this made me feel that it's okay to feel like that :)

[@cuongynguyen]

I’m glad there are young doctors like yourself who haven’t been jaded by their experiences yet. Hold onto that. It makes u better

[@emilym.1755]

This is so interesting to me! I am a college student, and I'm currently taking a course called Death and Dying. One of the topics we have been discussing is how medical professionals handle death, although usually more in a sense of telling a patient they are going to die. This was so interesting to watch and see the other side of what I have been learning in class!

[@maryh6074]

Now see, you are the exact type of person that I would love to have as my doctor. Very REAL and PERSONABLE! You would probably actually LISTEN and be INTERESTED in your patients. Love all your videos....and the fact that you are a fellow violinist! What a great combination for you. It's been a couple years since this video, and you are probably well into your own practice now and helping with this Coronavirus pandemic! God bless you!

[@Socceryumyum]

Do a video about your relationship with nurses and how you rely on eachother

[@mandy9288]

Lana Martel yes!

[@sarahsherrod2012]

I think this is a subject that needs to be talked about. Death happens all the time, and even for the most experienced, it can still hurt. You’re purpose is to try to help these patients feel better and go home, and if that doesn’t happen, it can be difficult. Everyone processes differently and that’s ok. When I did my external ship, I was in the ICU for 2 days. A larger lady had come in bc of the flu. She’d been laughing and painting her toes nails one day, and the next on a ventilator and her stats were circling the drain. She’s developed pneumonia and her body just couldn’t hang on. She ended up passing, despite everything they tried. I couldn’t be in your shoes Chevon, but I’m very glad we have people like you!! Enjoyed your video and can’t wait to see you next time!!

[@ceeq3997]

a topic handled with grace and wisdom ❤️

[@sunshinegirl1967]

I'm a nurse. I recall one time while working in ICU, walking from the supply room to my patient's room around the corner. On my way I walked directly toward a room where an elderly female patient was dying, The patient's nurse had brought in the husband, an elderly man, and let him sit beside her. He was seated there with his head down. Tears filled my eyes as I saw him because I knew he was losing his wife. I still get choked up thinking about him. But at the time I had soooo much to do for my patient that I literally had no time to go in and comfort him. That's the part that families and friends don't understand. It's not that we don't care because we do. It's that we have so little time.

[@lbo6050]

Bless your heart. I would've loved to of had someone like you back when my mother was in the ICU. She had a brain aneurysm and stopped breathing on her own while at the hospital for an entirely different and non life threatening reason. Happened randomly in the middle of the night & they moved her to the ICU where she was 100% reliant on life support. I remember one nurse trying her best to be nice.. And I do understand they see and deal with this everyday and it's a job. Most of the doctors were just too business like about it. And don't get me started on the organ donor people.. They were vultures. Anyways my point is, as someone who's been there.. I appreciate your kindness and that little smile that you do. I'm sure the family does too even if they don't realize it at the time.

[@jdfnp]

I’ve been a Nurse Practitioner in urgent care for nearly 20 years. During training, I was an ER nurse as well as a firefighter. I’ve seen some horrific things. Some I still see as vividly as if they were yesterday. I wish I had processed these things more thoroughly. Talking to other professionals, finding that individual way to find peace and utilizing resources like critical incident stress debriefings are essential. May you be blessed in your career and come to realize that death is as much a part of life as birth is. We can provide compassionate and loving care throughout it as well. Love your videos!

[@brodyharris7631]

I stumbled across your channel yesterday. So informative and inciteful. Keep up the great work.

[@JM-ie5bp]

Thanks for everything you do. I got revived multiple times from cardiac arrest from really bad endocarditis. Had dialysis, coma, open heart surgeries and all that. They somehow saved me and I'm very grateful.

[@wafanomani9074]

Thank you for your videos, they are truly inspiring and motivating!

[@ViolinMD]

Thank you Wafa - I really appreciate that!

[@wafanomani9074]

I'm curious to know how you deal with not personalizing with patients. Often times it's difficult not to get to know a patient and not feel sad when they leave. How do you deal with this?

[@lizzyd5158]

I just had my second spinal surgery. As part of this, I have nerve damage that impacts my bladder, bowel function, etc. I recently landed in the ER with abdominal pain and had a doctor tell me to “suck it up” - she lacked empathy on every level and treated me like someone with a tummy ache. I think one of my biggest issues having been in and out of hospitals most of my life (and even in a nursing home under the age of 36) is that some medical professionals choose not to hear patients or really talk to them. It is so nice to watch your vlogs and see how you care for your patients with respect and how you try to approach them with empathy.

[@84953]

I am a guy that was a respiratory therapist for some years and two incidents stick out. One was a female resident (1st or 2nd year) who had the unpleasant task of telling family members that their loved one died. There was a very unexpected response when one of the family members struck her in the face. Ouch! The other was with a new patient in the surgical/burn ward who had come in with burns, much of it on his face. I went in to draw an ABG on the patient and was noticing that he was getting very antsy and also said that it was getting hard for him to swallow. I went to the resident at the front of the unit and spoke to him telling him that the patient needed to be intubated ASAP. He was right near the end of his phone call with the attending and the decision made by them was to hold off until he got there and they saw the patient in rounds. While I was still upstairs in our report session between shifts they called a code. It was him. If I remember correctly he did survive, but it still leaves me even to this day that I had been more assertive told the resident to call the attending back and talk to him again about the intubation, or contacted my supervisor or my department director. Good luck on your residency, and when possible, stay more than an arm's length from family members when you have to give the worst possible news.

[@laurabejarano9917]

I just found you a couple days ago, and have watch all your video. I do not want to be in any medicine but love watching your videos. You are such a brave, and kind person. I agree with you there needs to be outlets for people in the medical profession to process more, and yes have that open dialogue. Death is hard no matter how many times you see it. I wish you the best, and thank you for sharing with the youtube community! Sending you positive energy for those tough days. Love from TORONTO

[@sumairhassan1082]

I never comment but I had to on this post. I have worked on itu for 3 years and I have had many conversations with families about loved ones not making it, I have had many discussions with patients about how far they want escalation of their treatment. I have voiced my opinion that we have gone too far and I have gone home and not slept for days thinking that I did not make the right call or do the right thing. As a intensivist I feel we all grow stronger by talking it through and by reflecting on our thoughts but it never gets easier. I still remember a good majority of patients that have died under the care of the team I have been on and the talks of the family I have had. Those are the moments that make me think medicine is a special choice. You said it so well (I have to paraphrase)- we are there in the good times and the bad. I have so many stories I want to say but I’m not a KZbinr. Thank you.

[@kevinmoore2501]

Great vid Siobhan. I still vividly remember being inpatient at a children’s hospital at the age of 15, and getting great care from the staff there after 30+ neurosurgeries for brain cancer. Being inpatient really helped me see people’s good side, and you seem like a great doctor, who’s not dead inside yet. Keep up the feelings, it’s what makes you human, and, may help your patients be able to connect with you on a more personal level. Liked the vid Siobhan. Best of luck to you with your residency.

[@SOLOIIguru]

What a lot of people outside the medical industry don't know is that it is physicians and doctors who have the highest suicide rate of any profession in the world. Those who are most accustomed to an experienced with death are also the most affected by it.

[@5pctd2br98]

The positivity and energy you irradiate is amazing, especially even if you face some of the saddest and shocking aspects of life almost every day. God bless you and all doctors!!

[@mackenzieb2218]

i love your freckles so much. sending you a package soon xo

[@ViolinMD]

aw wow thanks Kenz!

[@user-lu6yg3vk9z]

@@ViolinMD u take questions?

[@cottoncandybunny4385]

MacKenzie B she has a PO BOX?? Can u pls tell me what it is?

[@oxanaarkhitko2701]

Your dimples are so cute. You have too much empathy. When you learn more and become really experience, you will be confident you did everything you could. The bad feelings will ease up because you will not even question about whether you did something wrong. Right now you emotions are amazing. You are learning with your emotional intelligence, which is the best way and it’s learning for life.

[@megansullivan4419]

I love you so much! I love watching your videos.

[@ViolinMD]

Thank you Megan!!

[@denisadenning9248]

This can be really challenging seeing families broken, however, You are so strong for sharing your experience at the hospital. You are my motivation to push toward something you love! I love how informative and how heart felt your videos are. You are unique and I really enjoy watching and learning about the medical world 💕

[@Midnightrider1956]

What was it like the first time you coded your patient and called time of death. I was in a situation where I had to remove life support on my wife. The Doctor came in a Prayed for me and asked me if I was ready, It only took minutes for my wife to pass. But the whole ICU was with me and my son when she was gone. It has to be hard to not cry.

[@loveislife-sd3fm]

I have a dear friend whose baby spent a year at St. Jude's Children's Hospital in Memphis, TN. They set the gold standard for care not only for these young cancer patients but also support for the families. It is truely the most inspiring place I have visited. I learned alot about their philosophy of care and how the staff is so well supported emotionally, mentally, and physically. If you ever get a chance to visit, it is well worth the time spent.

[@aliviagillespie6501]

i want to be a pediatrician when i grow up!! Love watching your videos

[@andykadima8815]

Alivia Gillespie Me too!

[@SanaN-zc3lk]

Meee threee loool still thinkin about it tho loool .... in the middle of being a pediatrician or doing internal medicines

[@itsmejennilind]

Loved this video. My mom spent just over a month in Trauma ICU after a horrible car accident (a year later and she's doing really well and can walk on her own - something they never thought she'd be able to do again) -- and even just being there daily for a month I saw all the death happening around the room (the ICU was a big U shaped area) and was just so so impressed with the medical staff with how they dealt with it all in front of the patients families so it was nice to hear this side of things too.

[@Waltham1892]

This may sound odd, but I think Doctors need to focus LESS on keeping patients alive. My mother had cancer and it became clear that not only would further treatment not extend her life, treatment was eroding the quality of the life she had left. She refused further care AMA and died shortly after, receiving only palliative care. A patient is not a test where you must demonstrate the breath and depth of your medical knowledge, with death being a failing grade. Sometimes the best choice a physician can offer a patient is the choice to die as painlessly.

[@duchessnicoleduke9109]

Nurse here. While I absolutely agree with you, most patients and families do not think like you do, nor do they voice many opinions other than "do everything you can". I think it's an important but very difficult tightrope, teaching patients and families about what is to be expected, and somehow telling them its okay to stop treatment if THEY feel that is what's best. It's also very hard to spend your days struggling to save lives, and then mentally switch to comfort care, you know?

[@abkayla1T]

Nor do i think euthanasia is legal

[@duchessnicoleduke9109]

@@abkayla1T Allowing death is not euthanasia. Deciding to forego treatment isn't suicide. They're already dying.

[@abkayla1T]

@@duchessnicoleduke9109 no i know that but the original comment (last sentence) sounded like they were talking about euthanasia

[@venessaplays5465]

She said in a previous vlog that when someone comes into the hospital about end of life care and if they don’t specify what they want done they assume they went everything done to save them that’s what I would want so I could say good bye

[@TheBrockwayBabe]

I appreciate the honest talk, I sometimes wonder how doctors handle these situations, we always think that somehow being A doctor makes you superhuman, but at the end of the day, you deal with A lot of emotional stuff and you feel like everyone else. thank you for this video.

[@fables4564]

I have a thing called EDS (ehlers danlos syndrome) and would love to hear your perspective of the challenges that patients with rare diseases experience so often.... which is doctors not believing our symptoms.

[@LightsBright92]

I'm not a doctor, or ever intend on being a doctor, but your videos are so so so inspiring and thoughtful! The way you handled this topic was excellent, and I hope your good days outnumber your bad days!

[@jackw8827]

For once KZbin put something SMART and DECENT on trending. Wow that's a first! I'm subscribing btw that was interesting. I'm really impressed with the work you are doing also!

[@drews.1316]

Honestly I 100 percent agree. I am a full time paramedic. It is a heavy conversation and its true. Thank you for coming out with this content! Not a lot of people are willing to shed light on this. Medical field is a true blessing to be in an a honor but it has its downsides.. and we must find ways to deal with it. Keep your head up Violin MD! Love your Channel!

[@taylormcdonald7987]

Thank you for sharing! Have you ever cried in front of a patients family?

[@Anna-sj3lz]

I was in the ICU a few years ago for serious lung problems. I was in there for a month and I appreciate the work of all the medical professionals who helped me get back to health. People like you do.amazing jobs and deserve all the credit you get.

[@_Queen_burrito_]

As a doctor, how do you manage to stay awake for your whole shift?

[@TheUberdude14]

Coke

[@bonedyone]

Modafinil 😘 thanks me later

[@awesomeguy9573]

Jason Woods lol

[@oliviapetrowski4553]

She sleeps in her call room when she can.

[@Starry_Night_Sky7455]

Adrenaline, pure interest, self driven motivation. Having no life outside of medicine, lol. Caffeine, maybe? Strategic sleep intervals administered to self when available.

[@rainwalker2254]

After a long illness, my mother died. She was 83 and a diabetic. Months later, around 1 a.m., I had severe pain in my side and took a cab to the same hospital she had stayed in. I was overcome with emotion the moment the hospital came into view. I've been there several times since then and that feeling gradually passed. It was that first visit after her passing that tore me up, because I felt that the last time I was there she was dying and her death was still raw. Your advice to take care of yourself is one that I learned from my mom's illness and subsequent death. Death can be difficult to think or talk about, but I think it's important to have the talk, because it will eventually happen to each of us, or someone we love or care about. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

[@thinkvibrant5721]

#23 on trending!

[@ViolinMD]

Really?? Wow! Thanks for letting me know... on call now so I can’t see it! Haha

[@crispyboi3505]

Violin MD 20 wow even better

[@im.not.a.flower.9270]

Wow! #18

[@jaecamillerose]

Can't believe this is trending! I just found your channel this week and I showed some of your vlogs to my kids. My 8, 6, and 4 year old were glued to them... you're so good at explaining things. My 6yo daughter has talked about wanting to be a doctor so I thought you'd be a great example for her to watch. Glad you discussed this very difficult topic. Grew up with a dad in the medical field and this makes me want to talk to him more about this.

[@missmollyk8]

I really enjoy your videos and as someone who wants to study to enter into the medical field I find them all interesting. Obviously you talk about patient death in this video but and in other video you share information about your day as a doctor. It seems you do your best to share with us while keeping confidentiality for your patients, but do you ever worry about sharing? I heard a story once about a girl who shared on her instagram that one of her ER patients didnt make it and she was fired just for posting that even though it didn't have anything that could tell you about who the patient was.

[@antrakumar.6040]

It feels so good when you say " We are all in this Together "....

[@cinthiagonzalez4471]

I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHH😍😍❤️

[@missbinet]

Thank you for this video. I am a doctor too and during my short experience i've had to deal with very strong moments. Losing a patient is hard for us doctors but we have to keep on going knowing we did our best. Yes, it has its ups and downs but i woundn't change my decision to be a doctor and help people at their most needed moment.

[@peteanddrake4242]

I was the EMS director for Atlanta for a couple years and saw a lot of trauma and death. If you think it is bad now, just wait till you deal with the trauma death of a child from pit bull mauling or abuse from a guardian. It does not get easier and your family will not be able to relate to your experience. Talking about it is key.

[@marianpizeno8511]

Thank you! People need to see that everything you do, effects YOU too!

[@ughmary6386]

great video! but what about getting emotional while being in the hospital or with the family of the patient who passed? is this something that you have to suppress as a doctor? or is it okay if it happens? because i really want to go to medical school but i am also very emotional and even though i wouldn't have to work in the icu forever, i might be spending some time there. and i am really scared of getting teary when the family is mourning. so my question is: is it okay for doctors to get emotional and maybe leave the room etc or is it something you HAVE TO unlearn??

[@rebeccalucas6063]

ughmary Don't ever "unlearn it" , please don't. I am a nurse tech, and I cry, I don't attempt to appear tough or robotic. When I worked hospice, I balled my eyes out when I was told by the nursing supervisor that my client had finally passed. She said "shut up, toughen up, get over it, they are just a number, move onto the next number in line" I told her she had no compassion, and was in the wrong line of work. I had a coworker in a nursing home who said "I don't do dead people" she refused to do post mortem care before the funeral home arrived. The nurse had the residents family out in the hallway, and was embarrassed that she couldn't get anyone to do the job (the CNA should've been fired as far as I'm concerned) I approached, and said I'd do post mortem care. Again, I cried, but that's me, I have empathy. If you ever become callused, you will be in the line of work for the wrong reasons. Please don't lose your empathy.

[@siddeeee]

+Rebecca Lucas thank you. when my dad had cancer the nurses were horrible and apathetic. I wanted to get into the medical field but the way he was treated by doctors and nurses (in one of the "best" cancer hospitals) was a huge turn off. we need more like you!

[@Mariely1]

Rebecca, you are amazing and strong for that! We need more nurses like you

[@cristinasolano6487]

This is so overwhelming, this shows us that we're organic and vulnerable. It's part of life, but it's way too scary and heartbreaking for those who remain alive. You're so right, empathy and humanity are key to deal with patients and their family.