You Want To Change (But Think You Can't)

My self improvement journey has not been this steady ascension into enlightenment, like some would have you believe. It's been LOTS of failure, and spinning my wheels. If you feel the same way, this might help :)
Find me on:
🧠Discord - / discord
🎁 Patreon - / fads0
📸 Instagram - / whoisfads
--
Inspired by a HealthygamerGG (Dr K.) video I saw called "Can People Really Change", the work of Dr. Amanda Marie Moore, Dr. Wayne W. LaMorte, as well as personal experience.
---
References/Sources:
Stages of Change Image created by Wayne W. LaMorte, MD, PhD, MPH
Baranski, Erica, et al. "Who in the World is Trying to Change Their Personality Traits? Volitional Personality Change Among College Students in 56 Countries." Journal of personality and social psychology. (2021).
Really interesting read : Moore, A. M., Holding, A. C., Buchardt, L., & Koestner, R. (2021). On the efficacy of volitional personality change in young adulthood: Convergent evidence using a longitudinal personal goal paradigm. Motivation and Emotion, 45(2), 171-185.
McCrae, R. R., & Costa, P. T. (2003). Personality in adulthood: A five-factor theory perspective. Guilford Press.
Frey, B. S. (1994). How intrinsic motivation is crowded out and in. Rationality and society, 6(3), 334-352.

[@pixelperfectpravin]

You can't hate yourself into the person you want to be ❤️

[@aleisterlilywhite1109]

I love that

[@georgiagalaxy]

I lovee

[@zeamzoomnpop2931]

yup.. im begrudgingly starting to realize this... 🙏🏽

[@GOWfanatics]

Can someone elaborate this to me? Thank you, english is not my main language

[@pixelperfectpravin]

@@GOWfanatics I will try: if you want to become your better version, you can't force that, it has to come from source of love and with respect towards yourself Example: Instead of doing exercise to impress others or showing others that you are strong, you shall do it to take care of yourself : showing respect to your body and yourself -- Do it so you can feel better Because if you hate yourself into become a better version of you -- then what's the point? Remember in the first place you were doing this to become happy better version of yourself -- take care of yourself push slowly with love and care

[@craigtechno]

Change comes from a place of love… That’s totally on point. We have to be kind to ourselves , and then it connects with others. Really good video Thank you 🙏🏻

[@dusting6450]

Thanks

[@floraldystopia]

“If you start from a place of love, then there is no way you can really lose.” Wow, what a mic drop, man you are brilliant. I love your videos!

[@zee4336]

this actually made me reevaluate why i want to be a ‘better’ person or change some of my habits, and why theres literally been little to no change. really good video !! love this type of content

[@Erc7822]

"You can't hate yourself into the person you want to be." I don't think any sentence has ever hit me this hard, thank you.

[@itselliescott]

"You can't hate yourself into the person you want to be" is so true and definitely what I needed to hear right now! thank you

[@luizcarvalho759]

as obvious as it may seem, treating myself as i would treat a friend really makes a difference in all of this. thank you for reminding me that.

[@007d.a.b5]

You have the most unique and beneficial perspective. I sincerely admire your energy and thought you invest into these videos that stand out from typical self development. Kudos to you man, thank you for being a light in the confusing darkness of the modern era. Blessings to you Fads ❤️‍🩹

[@Josh-bb1nn]

Excellent talk. I changed everything about myself because one day I realized how my selfish and reckless behavior destroyed those who I loved. I sent the first 30 years of my life never being sober and always getting into fights. The night I truly saw what my irresponsible actions did to those close to me was the last night I tasted alcohol or used any kind of drug ever again. My new life is 16 years in the making and I feel so much better for changing. Long story just to say I agree with what you say - it comes from love.

[@royalredbird9717]

You have a great channel man. Keep going!!

[@dotbop907]

Your channel is actually helpful! No guilt, nothing bogus ( no one size fits all). I really appreciate your perspective. Keep up the good work!

[@canzosis75]

I was able to work myself into a new version of myself, but I slipped back into my old self and I'm in fear again.

[@BlankFaceAma]

Your content really resonates with me. Thank you for this.

[@ellagray2440]

Just stumbled across your channel and you’re so softly spoken and calming, love your content and your mind :)

[@aarongreenberg159]

Found this channel and you've just gained a new subscriber! You go into deep topics without making me anxious.

[@cookiesyruplover]

I really appreciate this video. It's sincere, it's simple and it's straight to the point. Great work!

[@nonodlamini]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom , this vid especially came at the right time

[@teamextremepk]

This is only my second video but this already my favorite channel. Underrated af.

[@AbandonedVoid]

Sage advice. I can tell you're speaking from a level of understanding only experience can provide. I'm thankful that you've chosen to share your insights

[@jessechow2441]

I love your work. Keep going. It's helped so much already. Thank you.

[@vaclavkapsa7394]

Every one of your videos are so interesting and so well put together. These must take so much effort. I am so greatful for finding your channel. You da best :)

[@pixelperfectpravin]

Your video quality is good, your audio is good, content is good and valueable in all sense

[@ty-le4bf]

i get so teary eyed watching your videos (in a good way) thank you for sharing your advice and compassion

[@name-bearbeiten]

That was probably the most important video on KZbin I've watched since 2009.

[@andrea.5677]

I was needing this, thanks

[@coneysama2397]

Your channel is gonna blow up man. You’ve got the content. Now just keep going

[@Anja_Pearson]

I love this. Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. ❤️

[@user-yv2fb4mi1k]

Not only your perspective on the topics you discuss is unique compared to other videos on this platform but also your videos are well made and enjoyable to watch, I do hope your channel grows big

[@katydennington8046]

I'm obsessed with this channel 😍

[@MultiRamaan]

Such a lovely essay. I could not imagine the point about necessity of love coming, but it makes so much sense. Thank you for what you do.

[@nomoredrugs54]

I loved your channel, you generates a-lot of ideas in my mind and that what i was looking for. Many thanks man 🤝

[@shasings]

Man, i just wanna say thank you for making this video. By the end of it, i was in tears. You reminded me that i am worthy of my own love. I had forgotten that, for a very long time. Thank you, for touching my heart.

[@omnipotentit]

Dude you are awesome. Thank you for being you.

[@justrest45]

I love your closing statement 🥺❤️

[@timteichmann6830]

Thank you for this very thougt provoking video. Im also very happy that I discoverd your channel today and I think you have the potential to help a lot of young people to reflect about them self (probably mostly men). Warm greetings from berlin.

[@renaigh]

this channel feels so cozy.

[@notchickenfriedrice]

your videos are really good, keep up the work bruv, you'll certainly go far

[@zen_hayate]

Funny enough recently I had been thinking a lot about changing my self just the perfect video that I need to contemplate all of it, thanks.

[@jesaispaaas]

i'm happy to have discovered this channel last month. your videos are amazing

[@Fads]

Thank you so much!!

[@emanuel3617]

just perfect, just what i needed, thx

[@ggnoree6684]

Fantastic video! i love your work in the few vids i have seen since i have found your channel

[@let_it_sin_kin]

your channel is a gem

[@user-li4jp2by9t]

''you can't hate yourself into the person you want to be.'' thanks!

[@grape7317]

you’re doing an incredible work here

[@Fads]

Thank you so much!

[@laurafolk1246]

Aaaaa thats so nice. Great video- bit of refreshing from all these crazy burnout motivational videos that set you up for failure.

[@azzvdd2845]

your videos are great, Fads

[@Fads]

thanks!!

[@benezer5155]

You listen to khrugabin, i am automatically subscribing, liking and sharing your channel. U have good taste in music.

[@maddim810]

my favorite youtuber

[@et5895]

Your thumbnails are a 10/10

[@jhbbhjhghgb]

Thank you

[@desi_anarch]

Fear being fuel for change is so true

[@garretschiltz1287]

your doing great work. im trying to promote your work actively. good luck and hope you are doing well

[@talita8882]

Great video (as always), but I have a question: what is embarrassing about that adorable picture? Thank you very much for this message, I really needed it and the way your articulated it all makes a huge difference for comprehension.

[@bluntbenny1175]

Dope vid 👍

[@eeeee323]

😊🌈I love your voice and rythm! So calm! and fresh!

[@wanda5983]

3 minutes of stretching every day sounds like sooo much work to me, I'm not even kidding

[@user-sf7fm1bi1p]

Haha, this is exactly what I thought when he said that as well. It's a constant struggle to get myself to brush my teeth everyday, and that takes roughly as long. I'm pretty sure that one of those self-help books would tell you to start even smaller than 3 minutes of stretching if that's much, though. So like, just sit down on the floor in the spot where you plan to do stretches and then get back up right away, and do that every day and mark it down as a success when you do it, then hopefully you'll eventually start to have days where you do this and feel like you may as well do a few stretches now that you're sitting in the right spot for it already. This never really worked for me either, though, since it's hard not to build up a subconscious expectation that eventually you'll start to feel like doing those stretches, and then when after a month it's still not working you begin to want to give up. Anyway, wish I had something better to tell you but I haven't been able to figure anything out for myself either so all I can do is wish you luck.

[@Piasays]

Wow you really spittin! 😮‍💨

[@Fads]

I try lol

[@damanodrama]

extroversion actually translates as creativity

[@diamondcentury21]

How?

[@richerdwendiger8046]

❤️

[@vinnie4v277]

Do you have a discord? Love to meet likeminded people. I only seen one vid and i love the aproach you take, going deeper than ussual selfhelp

[@Fads]

Not at the moment but I am considering starting one! And thanks for the feedback too!!

[@emotionsin5d]

I was just watching this video on emotional health about why we will never reach our goals kzbin.info/www/bejne/oX7XpWtqZ6yUfbc and is just like you said: the profound desire for change, independent of the level of discomfort or direction, is the awakening of our (self-)awareness. Most of us don’t know want WE want (is more like what we Think we want because society said so), and then we focus so much on the destination, or change, that we forget to not only enjoy the failures, successes and lessons along the way, but also that the whole point of change is to take those ridiculously small and incremental steps towards loving yourself (really). Great content, keep up!

[@let_it_sin_kin]

I have this big issue with conscientiousness, there's none of it the only C I get from the OCEAN comes from the N so that means I'm productive when I'm neurotic I experience lots and lots of anxiety, spiraling circles in cycles I have great openness though.. but I'm also very introverted, the thing that u blend with neurotocism and get something miserable can't have motivation longer than a day if anyone has a situation close to mine, I just really really recommend therapy. because if there's someone who is keeping you socially accountable it starts to work (slow but it's better when it's slow 'cause slow doesn't mean spiraling down). for a long time I've running from it, telling myself I don't have enough money for it, but u have to not be blindfolded by your own self with such poor excuse really. when it got really bad I found a great therapist that doesn't charge nearly as much as I thougt it required)

[@waldiana9105]

Is…is that Khruangbin in the background?????? Please tell me that’s them

[@Fads]

why yes it is - seems like you also have great taste

[@let_it_sin_kin]

ok i have a q do u listen to nathaniel drew, matt d'avella, jordan peterson and andrew huberman..? i get their vibes all at once (i absolutely adore them) (u're also as soft spoken as Lana Blakely, whom I also love)

[@let_it_sin_kin]

sorry, so much comparison, I honestly mean it in the bast way

[@let_it_sin_kin]

oh okay matt i already see

[@Sussyphis]

Why do you have jut 26k subs

[@pixelperfectpravin]

Should aren't good 🥲 relateable for me

[@joetwiddy2139]

❤