Family Therapist Breaks Down Encanto Family | Therapist Reacts to Encanto

What's Anya Screen, my friends?
A lot of us have seen Disney's new film, 'Encanto,' which shows a variety of family dynamics and roles. As a family therapist, I work with these dynamics often. In today's video, I'll share what I usually look for and work on with my clients who fall into the same categories as the Madrigals. Which character is your favorite? Mine is Bruno (who I do talk about!)
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#Encanto #TherapistReacts #WhatsAnyaMind

[@jayaom4946]

Thank you. I watched this movie several times in the last few weeks. I could see how significant it was and I could see that "gifts" represented roles in dysfunctional families. I looked for this video because I wanted a therapist to tell me about some of the other roles and what they represented. I could relate to Bruno and Mirabel. Bruno was definitely my favorite and my kids do not want me to play the song "we don't talk about Bruno" anymore. I learned a lot and I can see all of these roles in my family members. I'm the one who left, I tried several times to leave quietly, just move to a new location but my family followed me so I had to make it clear that I was separating even though I live in the same area still.

[@StephAnya]

I love that you could already see the roles when you watched initially. I also love that you communicated boundaries with your family. What I love the most is that you play that song more than your kids! Thank you for sharing

[@rivaldovillegas3725]

@@StephAnya My Apologies for asking, but have you ever Analyzed Forrest Gump? Is it possible to do one day?

[@PinayGrl926]

Back in Aug 2021, I moved out of the family home to mainly get away from my toxic father. I found an apartment in a nearby town, so I can still communicate and see my mom and brother. However, my father followed me and I legit had to scream at him to make him understand that I didn't want him at my apartment. He understood, and since then, we haven't talk.

[@lucidfangirl1030]

Noooo why don't they want you to play it anymore 😭

[@michellehernandez1192]

Oh my god I identify with Bruno too! It's sad though because I am trying to grow and I seem to not be able to achieve anything, I'm definitely checking this with my therapist

[@madelinebogle7475]

Not really on topic, but I love how Antonio didn’t know who Bruno was and yet was still totally down to help some random old man in the walls

[@StephAnya]

Haha I never thought about that! I love that too. So pure ♥️

[@nyletower6860]

He probably knew and trusted the rats who live with Bruno.

[@carschmn]

He also trusted Mirabel.

[@duyguecemertan8521]

Antonio was given his gift so that the rats could snitch on Bruno lmao.

[@HickaruFire]

@@duyguecemertan8521 Cacita knew what cacita was doing i suppose.

[@beckyboyd372]

What I found really interesting about Pepa is that for the whole movie, she's having to push away the rain clouds and hide her emotions. Her husband loves and takes her for all her emotional range(with exception of when she's going to rain on Antonio and get his best clothes wet) whereas Abuela always tells her to get rid of the dark clouds as she worries what others are thinking when they see it. It's an interesting take on toxic positivity for me.

[@yourlocalmathgeek4815]

Felix is awesome.

[@alekawaiiya]

The best part for me was she realizing that is hail and not clear skies what her happy mood looks like.

[@swift4928]

And Bruno finally made her realize that it’s fine 🙁❤️

[@Kaacka26]

I liked and disliked Pepa. I think she was really great and diverse in emotions and expressive but I feel like she needed an encounter with Bruno to set differences aside rather than him apologising, they also needed to apologise to him too.

[@m1lfmanilovefishing823]

@@Kaacka26 oh for sure he deserved a proper apology from everyone, and i liked abuela's original apology (a deleted clip i saw on yt) more than the one they gave us, cause it felt like she truly realized where she went wrong and apologized from the heart edit: at the time of this edit ive had 120 people agree with the previous statement, but id like to say after watching the movie again ive had a bit of a change of heart. Abuela's apology in the movie was a good start. she did talk about how she was pressuring them all so much so they could be worthy of the miracle, but she didnt realize how she was hurting them because of it. she realizes the pain she caused now, and she can step away from her fears and say that mirabel was the miracle, and she brought the family closer by helping her sisters realize what was making them unhappy, and the fact that she tried so hard to let everyone else shine by attempting to save the magic that made them special in the eyes of alma. i still think bruno deserves a big apology though. the whole town and his own mom blamed him for a power he couldnt control. of course he told them about bad things, he wanted to warn them to prevent it from happening if possible. he cant make things come true. he can only tell you how things are going so far with the way youre going about things, and it's up to you to see if you can fix it. i do feel bad for pepa though. i realized she likely slandered him more cause it was easier to be upset in that moment than to address the feeling of loss for her brother running away. she's never allowed to feel her emotions, so she never had the chance to process how she felt about bruno disappearing :(

[@joniminter2211]

My favorite character, by far, is Agustin. I love that he stood up to the matriarch on behalf of his daughter. Seriously underrated.

[@_stickmin]

Yeah that takes a lot of guts. Especially for him to be an "outsider"

[@loriamos1906]

Oh, I loved that too!

[@paulaaquino]

It was awesome!! Underrated character..

[@euphiebunny]

He’s absolutely the unsung hero in this movie. I was thinking about that particular scene yesterday and think about how he probably felt seeing Bruno being cast out for being different. He’s known Bruno since they were teenagers (it’s confirmed that’s when Agustin and Julieta met) and it probably hurt and scared him when he saw how a member of the family was basically pushed out. I mean what would that mean for an outsider like him or someone with no power like himself or his daughter? He did everything in his power to protect Mirabel from suffering the same fate her tío Bruno did. And Julieta backing him up and being there for her husband and kids is 10/10.

[@starkerstuvwxyz]

he and Mirabel are the only two who stand up to Abuela in the entire movie. it's especially big in his case because he's a very soft-hearted person.

[@D3DW1TCHCHIK]

My favorite part about the entirety of Encanto is that there is no actual villain. It's about family and with family comes alot of stress, responsibility and different emotions. It's just complex, that's what family is. I'm really glad to see another Disney film with no villain in it!

[@Ley_17.03]

Yes! This makes it more authentic and realistic. I bet many people can relate to encanto

[@annamalloy1098]

alr but lets be real, abuela is the villain

[@extremejay1]

Stress in real life is either money related or jealousy. I think this movie was about creating a will. Lol

[@andreluiz6023]

@@annamalloy1098 just no

[@jackiecozzie4803]

@@annamalloy1098 Abuela is the antagonist, but is definitely not a villain. She's traumatised

[@danaepinder9110]

For Peppa she was basically told to stop having emotions. Not much ppl in the family actually cared to ask her what is wrong. Her feelings were invalidated

[@ZariDV]

I don't think Pepa even got the opportunity to learn how to work through negative emotions. She was made to simply stifle it until it went away rather than feel them fully and ride the wave until they're gone. She has years of bottled up feelings compounded on each other until her being an emotional wreck seems like a personality trait.

[@oh_omo7989]

fr she looks like she hasn’t slept in 7 years

[@courtneywalker2187]

Yes! I felt like abuela was mentally abusive and wanted Pepa to always repress her emotions and put on this happy facade for the community.

[@miemie263]

I felt the same one if my favorite Peppa scene was Camilo giving her tea to come down a bit in a calm soft and caring tone I personally find that helpful

[@willowthewisp2725]

Her husband, Felix, was awesome about letting her express herself ^^

[@heresieirisee]

It's interesting how the tranfer of the role of "the identified patient" from Bruno to Mirabel is visually signified by character design - same hair, similar heights, her bright green glasses echoing his bright green irises when he uses his power.

[@owatson7648]

Ooh good catch! This movie has such wonderful attention to detail, I love seeing all the little bits that people discover that I didn’t see the first time

[@shineinstars]

OOH ur so right!!

[@KireiC]

The visual details are really good on this! And character-wise, Bruno seemed to see this connection from himself to Mirabel after she didn't get a gift, and he had the foreboding vision about her. Rather than give the vision over and presumably make things much harder on Mirabel, since he already knew what it was like to be the prophet of doom, he destroyed it and went into hiding, trying to save her at least a little of what he suffered.

[@ShamirYukno]

Disney also always makes their villains use lime green in some form or the other. I loved that he was not really a villain here. Such a great movie.

[@owatson7648]

@@ShamirYukno Agreed! They really only used the 'Disney green' in We Don't Talk About Bruno to illustrate how the rest of the town/family saw him and how he was a fearsome figure in their minds. But irl he was a nice person, thus the green was never used.

[@melaniereynders]

At the moment I relate the most with Luisa and keep getting “Surface Pressure” stuck in my head. The line “Was Hercules ever like, ‘Yo, I don’t wanna fight Cerberus?’” is how I feel with some of the burdens I have to take on in my family. I’m the youngest in my family and yet I shoulder the most responsibility. I often say to myself (and my counsellor) “why am I the one who has to handle this?” I don’t want to fight Cerberus.

[@MonstehDinosawr]

Feel this :( I had a lot of pressure put on me because my mum felt like my brother didn't succeed where I could

[@wilfweNightsky]

To give some insight, whether intentional by disney or not but they don't really care. In the original myth, hercules was driven into madness that made him kill his wife and children, destroying his *family*. Hercules went to seek *redemption* by doing these heroic labors. Defeating cerberus was one of those labors. Make what you want out of this

[@abennett2003]

Her song is my favorite! I feel for her, but I also feel like a mix of the characters. However, as the second oldest of 5 siblings, I feel like I shoulder a lot of my family issues.

[@Avatarlover08]

Its weird how I can relate to all 3 sisters since I’m the youngest girl of 2 older brothers

[@Indi_Waffle_Girl]

I so agree. Even tho we don't talk about Bruno is an amazing song, I loved Luisa's the most. I relate to it so much. (And musically and visually it's also incredible.)

[@themonsieurpistache]

I identify as the Bruno in my family, I moved thousands of miles away and put up emotional boundaries and I am still the “problem” even though I am not there physically or emotionally.

[@ED-ie3et]

This 😢

[@Kris-wo4pj]

My family just stopped inviting me to shit and expect me to do all the work to keep connect. So I'm chill with the random ya still alive phone call. I see my mom once a month and go to holidays sometimes now.

[@juicyparsons]

i'm sorry to hear that. At first I thought Mirabel was just the black sheep of the family until they introduced Bruno's story. They both have been painted as the black sheep and the family scapegoats and it's so sad bc real life doesn't usually have these happy endings where everybody just comes to Jesus at the same time :(

[@raybankin8342]

My family is separated. My brother is in jail and me and him fought plenty of times and he was always blamed me if I disagreed with him on any subject. I mean ANY subject. He's in jail and I don't have sympathy for him. Maybe a little but not much. My other family members see me as weird. Whatever. Slowly as I begin to accept myself and reading the Bible weird is not wrong. Hell I would not mind having weird friends.🙂

[@kamsyanyadiegwu5848]

I’m sorry about that, those boundaries won’t help though. Just like Bruno in the movie when he finally came out to speak on Mirabel’s behalf only to find out he’s been wrong all through and he was actually loved. You’re loved by your family, I want you to understand that and putting up barriers/ boundaries won’t help. You gotta embrace them, love them as much as you want to. ❤️❤️

[@morgansmith1942]

I identify with Isabela the most. I know this sounds stupid and bratty but honestly the worst part of filling this role is that it ain’t just hard to always be a trailblazer but it’s utterly boring. I love how through the song she gets so excited about all these plants and all that she can do but instead she’s stuck doing the roses that amuse everyone but herself.

[@StephAnya]

“Utterly boring” I hear you!

[@ZariDV]

I think it's also the one role that gets the least amount of sympathy and understanding. They are the person who cannot complain without getting condescending remarks like "Boo hoo it must be so hard being amazing all of the time. Just stop trying to be perfect if it's so bad." Aside from being boring, it's also unsustainable and impossible. Humans aren't meant to be perfect and even if you could fake it, reality comes knocking eventually. It's a hard role to have when elders expect you to be responsible for all of the younger generations that supposedly need you as an example. It's hard enough getting through life for yourself without feeling like the success of others depend on how well you do in life. And when you get old enough to see that, it's already ingrained into you and it feels like your role is set in stone.

[@jayvicera1808]

This is was very well said. I also can relate to Isabela the most.

[@IshratJahan-dh3ev]

Yeah Isabella’s struggle is so underrated, people don’t understand. Why would it even seem like you’re “bragging” when the struggle literally revolves around you being so selfless that you never get the chance to figure out who YOU are???

[@loretohidalgo973]

Same. I am the one that got well married, excellent or straight up the best student every time, making good money. But I feel like I can't make any mistake, I am not allowed to or I get terribly criticized (because people that fail are allowed to fail at times, if you never do, it's a tragedy to fail - a disappointment). But for me the sad part is that people can't empathize with you. they think you are perfect and you have no problems, assume you are boring or bland. also dealing with jealousy

[@chimakalu41]

5:36 I think she's an excellent family therapist because she considers cultural aspects of the clients she's diagnosing not just personal issues

[@creativelife9871]

💯💯

[@Drip_Wooper]

I mean, the region you live in can affect the problems around you and the things you have to face, be it political, climatic, economic, social problems, I think that taking someone's location into consideration must be fundamental to doing a good job, I've never been in a session with her but just by that I'm certain she must be a really good therapist

[@goddessaset]

Major key! Cultural competency is SO important in therapy!!

[@cathycat4989]

It's more psychiatric than therapy related, but schizophrenia in certain regions is often regarded as a gift of hearing gods or dead relatives if one is hearing voices. Not sure about paranoid schizophrenia, believing one is being watched, but that could be beneficial in environments where one has to be hyper-alert in order to survive, like war zones or areas with dangerous wildlife. But it's fascinating how before the advent of modern psychiatry, many people who heard voices or saw things experienced more positive hallucinations. I actually know someone from rural Mississippi who sees birds everywhere she goes, and they usually remind her of things she forgot or just talk. She didn't know this was a mental disease until she left her farm for an education in the city. Had to learn to answer the birds in her mind because people saw her talking to no one and she got put away for a bit. So yeah, culturally, what we think of as disordered is not universal. I personally hold the opinion that if those experiencing it aren't in distress, then leave it be.

[@Miss_Distress]

Absolutely, I’ve spent the last month learning about cultural competencey and safety so nice to hear!

[@PlaceForAnEcho]

“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”-something on Instagram but it’s incredibly true and I shared it w my friends who are therapists.

[@cheeselizard]

@@tondaniraluswinga2590 Uh? It sounds extremely wrong to set yourself on fire, whether literally or figuratively, even if to keep others warm. It doesn't matter if people take advantage of it, it will still negatively affect you. (i'm not a therapist and i can very much be wrong)

[@RandoPassingBy]

@@tondaniraluswinga2590 Hey, why set yourself in fire for warmth to others, when all can work together and find warmth in other ways? Even for parents, burning themselves and sacrificing themselves too much for their kids are toxic and unhealthy.

[@RandoPassingBy]

@@tondaniraluswinga2590 Yeah, we all make sacrifices, but never to the extent of setting ourselves on fire… Sacrifice is never a good thing to do, no matter how small it is. It’s usually the last solution you wanna use in all things, because it will ended up burning your emotions away too.

[@katierasburn9571]

@@tondaniraluswinga2590 ...thats literally what the saying means? Don't destroy yourself helping others

[@PlaceForAnEcho]

@@tondaniraluswinga2590 your 2 comments contradict themselves.

[@MiciousDawn]

I feel like I’ve experienced being Isabella, Luisa, and Bruno. I’m oldest and parentified and wasn’t allowed to be upset about it. I was expected to be perfect so I was hyper focused on looking and acting what my parents wanted. And once I put my foot down when I couldn’t take it anymore, I became Bruno and that’s where I currently stand with them. My life looks perfect living in Hawaii, a masters degree, great job, healthy and fit, and my god I am deeply, painfully lonely.

[@BreenaYlaya]

Can we be friends? I feel this. I moved from Indianapolis to rome. I look happy. Everything's fine?I'm not. Its been a year of no contact with this toxic family. Theres so much bad. I just hate it. I can never go back because there was even domestic violence and sexual abuse.

[@MiciousDawn]

@@BreenaYlaya Aw I love this message. Yes girl the more support the better! Our situations do sound similar. Good for you for not putting up with toxic family abuse. Have you watched Patrick Teahan on YT? I have found his videos very helpful with making sense of things and working on healing. You might get some catharsis from him too. He's a therapist who also went through childhood trauma. Folks like you and I have to put in extra work creating a "chosen" family and that's where I'm kind of stuck. But the first step is making a clean sweep of the toxicity, so at least that part is done :)

[@ariyablaese9204]

This!!!!!

[@harborsadolescentfears9322]

@@MiciousDawn I'm envious of your life now. See?? You have a life I wish I had.

[@MimiTheHamster]

Relate to it all except masters in Hawaii. I’m in California though which is still pretty. But I hate people here tbh, very narcissistic culture

[@TheNukedNacho]

Bruno’s whole story was a “Shooting the Messenger” situation. It’s not his choice to make anything bad happen. He just sees that it will and communicates that. Also that lady who kept her fish in a bowl. Ofc it died. She kept it in a bowl. Goldfish need MUCH bigger space than that

[@arfies]

I appreciate that her name is "Señora Pezmuerto"... "Mrs. Deadfish."

[@francescafrancesca3554]

@@arfies JAJAJA, I love that.

[@alketazhupani2583]

The gut dude aswell man

[@Mvmrobots4030]

And there’s a chance some of them weren’t predictions like the guy that grew a gut bruno could’ve been saying something about what the guy was eating like “if you keep eating stuff like that you’ll get fat” you know

[@alketazhupani2583]

@@Mvmrobots4030 I know!Like,girlfriend,you have to clean the fish tank and its water to keep the fish alive!

[@sd.2528]

The line in Surface Pressure where Luisa says "Give it to your sister and never wonder If the same pressure would've pulled you under" Ugh. Right in the feels. Here is to all those that carry so much and do it so well that people don't even realize or appreciate how much you are doing for them.

[@StephAnya]

All the feels! I felt that one in my soul.

[@magnarcreed3801]

Same. Feel like many older siblings can feel that.

[@redhead0122]

Yeah, they just load all their stuff onto you. But when you seak help they are just like „ I don’t know how to help you“ . So crushing. Not even the fact that you won’t be able to go through it alone. I know I can deal with it alone but just the fact that they won’t bother making it easier for you. When I carry heavy bags home from the supermarket my friends want to take some of them even if I can carry them alone just fine. But for emotional things somehow this doesn’t apply ? 🤷‍♀️

[@anyas8714]

Gracias. Es - lloré y todavía lo hago - cuando REALMENTE escuché la Canción. Me relaciono muchísimo.

[@katarinawikholm5873]

I’m second generation (as the triplets) in a bad generational trauma, and I’m Luisa. I married the wrong guy, who just made things worse. But seeing what was happening, extracting myself and the kids, and working hard to break the cycle … I can’t do it for my kids, but I’ll help them the best I can. They were greatly helped by Inside Out when it came out, and now, as older, Encanto

[@TeeklGrey]

I was extremely called out when you said "The Perfect One" is too afraid to try things for fear of failure. I have this primal fear of change, and I feel like it holds me back. New things are difficult to predict and control, ergo it is difficult for me to react perfectly to them, ergo it is better to avoid them.

[@marinamacia9951]

Damn, so was I. The funny thing is I didn´t really identify myself so much as the "perfect one" until she explained that second part, where fear is constantly holding us back. Thanks, @Teekl Bleak for explaining that conclusion so well too.

[@nightshadewinter6915]

I wasn't ever labeled the "perfect child," but I'm scared to try something new bc I was discouraged and shamed in the past for failing.

[@juliii_g]

@@nightshadewinter6915 me neither but I think I've internalised the need to "do the right thing" and to work as hard as I can..

[@haphuongnguyen3358]

I have no idea my fear of change was so deeply rooted... Oldest kid trauma is real huh...

[@victoriamontemayor]

New things are hard because it's difficult to react perfectly to them - so well said, thank you!!

[@Comicaze247]

As the oldest son in a first generation Chinese/Filipino family, and oldest of the only two males of this generation of my Chinese dad’s side, I was expected to be “the perfect one.” But I have ADHD, so I’m the identified patient, always being compared to a “perfect one” that never existed in the first place. I even ended up going to college just because it was expected of me, even though I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. As is what usually happens with ADHD, I received repeated negative feedback over the years and it broke my spirit. Also having ADHD, and the depression and anxiety that results when it’s untreated, with my increased emotional reactivity, I was also “the basket case.” My Asian parents, who not only grew up in the home country but also grew up in large families in poverty, had no idea how to react to their first child having such powerful emotions when they grew up in environments where they had no time and no tools for dealing with emotions… except for denial, invalidation, criticism, punishment, and exasperation. I was thrown at therapists from the age of 7 with parents refusing to go to therapy themselves or as a family because _I_ was the one with the problem. I must’ve tried out so many of the roles as I grew up, hoping to find a fit and to be accepted, but I never did. Just experienced repeated breaking of my spirit. I’m almost 36 now and I’m still not healed, but I’m getting there. And the step I had to take for that was to become “the one who left.” My father (both the gossip and the strong one) has done some work, but he’s far from done. My mother (the matriarch) refuses. And that’s why I break when Abuela says “I’m so sorry.” Every. Single. Time. That sincere, authentic apology is something I long to hear from my mother. This movie speaks to me on such a deep level that I can’t help but watch it multiple times. Thank you for doing this video. It reminded me of those roles that I learned about in grad school (I’m an associate therapist, now) and gave me another way to conceptualize my life.

[@katierasburn9571]

Hi I just wanted to say that i get this. I don't have ADHD, but i was always expected to be the perfect one and instead i was always the emotional one, possibly because i was trying so hard to hide all my flaws and failures, and if my family ever did bother to ask whats wrong they would practically interrogate me and badger me, and constantly suggest more and more insulting possibilities for why i was upset instead of just letting me know that if i want to talk they're there and letting me speak. Why would i open up to you when you just suggested that i had failed about 50 different things? Am i so disappointing that the only thing you can think i would cry about is fucking up? idk man

[@QueenOfLaughter]

What you wrote made me cry a little. I hope you love yourself someday

[@kamsyanyadiegwu5848]

I’m so sorry Comi❤️ This sounds so sad. I love that you’re tying to get better and you will, I love you❤️

[@sandpiperr]

I feel you. I'm also the oldest in a family and am The Emotional One in a family that isn't populated by a lot of people who know how to deal with that type of person. I've experienced the eye rolls, the teasing because we have two Distractors in the family who'll riff off each other in making fun of me for getting emotional, the invalidation, flat out having "you're exhausting! I think you enjoy being this way!" screamed at me in the midst of a major depressive episode. Achievement and strength was praised in my family, though, so I tired so hard in my adolsence to be that, until I just cracked and couldn't do it any more. I have achieved quite a lot in my life, including getting a doctorate, but at this point everyone knows I'm not going to live up to the idea of The Perfect One because I'm just too emotional. Eventhough I'm happy with my life, I still feel the weight of not being able to be that person sometimes.

[@kamsyanyadiegwu5848]

@@sandpiperr I love that you’re happy, I understand how you feel cause I’m emotional too but you’ll be okay. I love you ❤️❤️ Congratulations on getting your doctorate.

[@EricaMZDM]

re: Camilo/the distractor - while it's a very brief bit near the end of the movie, it feels notable that even when he has serious concerns ("Uh, not without a house.") he's treated like he's joking or goofing off. He's never serious because *no one allows him to be*. One of the really nice touches is that Mirabel *recognizes and addresses* the concern Camilo raised - yes, we do need to rebuild, yes, it feels overwhelming, but we'll manage it, together.

[@fricketyfrackgettfback]

You can overhear him being concerned about Antonio after the house falls as well

[@Indi_Waffle_Girl]

And also, a lot of times during the movie, his shape shifting is relied on for a lot of different things. We need another tall person, we need a short person. It's something for him to hide behind and it's not just about him being funny, but also about him literally and metaphorically having to fulfill different roles in the family.

[@kalielik]

@@Indi_Waffle_Girl people don't want to see him for him, they just see him as a "clown" that is meant to be funny and impersonate others that nobody has to take serious.

[@augth]

Gen Z coping mechanism

[@lovergirlmp3]

I found Mirabel most relatable because I was the "ungifted" child, who was never encouraged or "invested" in. Nobody ever had any expectations of me and left me to deal with things on my own so I felt incredibly useless and like I had to prove everybody wrong, especially when they told me I couldn't do something. Whenever I wanted something, like singing lessons as a child, I was told no and that I would get bored with it. But I was never encouraged to stick to anything or supported when I doubted myself. So I became the one who distanced from the family and it didn't even phase them. I can still do pretty much whatever I want which is better than being constantly restricted but the issue is that nobody cares. Too much freedom for a child without any parenting or guidance.

[@motherofchaos83]

I was in this same position growing up. My brother always got sports and clubs and got coddled despite being the most problematic, and my sister was the baby and basically perfect, and my mom would use the same excuse for not letting me do things, that I wouldn't stick with it if they did let me. At the same time I was in Loisa's position, I was always having to be strong and shield my little sister from the toxic screaming matches and fist fights, and then eventually I left because I couldn't take it anymore. I still feel guilty for leaving my sister behind for my own salvation.

[@coralienaze3760]

@@motherofchaos83 You did what you could do, save yourself. I understand your guilt, but as her sister your role wasn't to save her, it was to be supportive of her. If you're not in contact now, you can try reaching out, but that is the extent of your power. In time, she will save herself too, and you'll be here to help her heal. Hope you're well ❤️

[@bethanienaylor]

@@motherofchaos83 sounds like middle child syndrome ( I'm no professional btw )

[@Tustin2121]

“I felt incredibly useless and like I had to prove everybody wrong” - It’s a tiny detail that is never highlighted really in the movie, but Mirabel taught herself how to sew and make things as a way to prove herself. She made the candle holders for Antonio’s ceremony (and accidentally burns Abuela’s). She stitched her own clothing, incorporating elements of everyone else’s gifts in the designs on her skirt. She made a tiger plushie for Antonio (which almost immediately gets superseded by a real tiger). Her sewing machine is visible as a background element in her room. It’s just a tiny detail that’s so easily overlooked that I didn’t realize it until someone else pointed it out to me.

[@BlackCatedialogue]

Im nobody cares and restricted one same time

[@ms42662]

I was told by many ppl that this film made them "feel things" but I was unprepared for how emotional I became during Luisa's song Pressure Stresser, it's the 3rd song in the film and while Mirabel singing waiting for a miracle definitely made me cry, I was sobbing during Luisa's song (which shocked me because the style of the song initially surprised me) In the past, I would've been more likely to say I was the calm/comedic voice during family conflict but during these last two yrs, I've really confronted how damaging it's been having everyone assume I could handle anything and was basically guaranteed to succeed in life. in many ways, I'm a mix of Louisa and Isabella but with the underline feeling of failure that Maribel feels...man this movie was insightful😅

[@juliii_g]

Yeah same

[@fuckwit107]

it's called "Surface Pressure" btw!

[@nightshadewinter6915]

The relationship between Isabel and Mirabel is literally me and my own sister. The only difference is that we don't make up. One can only try so hard when the other doesn't try or want to try. I identify with Mirabel and Pepa. We don't talk about emotions in my family and when I break down in front of them I'm told I'm "too sensitive" and there's "no reason to cry" or be "so emotional." It sucks BC I have friends who encourage me in ways that help me get through my problems but it's hard when your family doesn't care or understand.

[@sup9088]

for me it was always the "keep crying I'll give you a good reason to cry"

[@celaestisamory1834]

@@sup9088 too true, and everyone rightfully compliments Fèlix for being so supportive as a husband & dad, but "fix your face" does not help me when my mom lowkey threatened me with that phrase when I was already in a shit mood 😑 Basically the way Alma kept forcing Peppa out of a bad mood, yeah. It was a completely different vibe in the movie, it's otherwise a p good phrase (fix it, like with duct tape, or...?) and it's a very cute touch that Fèlix was talking to his shapeshifter son who could mess up his facial features, so it's probably a very normal thing to say to him 🙃

[@ED-ie3et]

I was told that all my life too. I'm too sensitive 🥺

[@ahavacitrus4897]

@@ED-ie3et You are not too sensitive ! You are loveable, worthy and your feelings are valid. Even if your family doesn't believe you, don't hold yourself down, beeing sensitive is not a bad characteristic.

[@ilovecamels232]

I'm glad I'm not alone :D since I am also too emotional

[@TheRawrnstuff]

I'd argue Luisa is a "nurturer" rather than the "strong one", despite her strength. She gives, gives, and gives, and never takes the time for herself. The one time she tries - while Mirabel is in Bruno's tower - she feels like she's falling behind on what she ought to be doing. But Julieta definitely has a nurturing side to her, as evidenced by how she interacts with Mirabel every time they are together in the movie, and even multiple times approaching Abuela Alma about how hard she is being on Mirabel. We don't see much about Julieta, but I'd say she's more "the mediator". The "strong one" - the one one holding back her emotions and aspirations in order to remain the stable, reliable force in the family is Isabela. Any disturbance to which of course sets off Abuela, who specifically notes that the problem about Isabela is that she's now "out of control". As if "within control" is Isabela's 'the role'.

[@jalicea1650]

I think Luisa is the guardian/warrior of the family. She fits the strong one role, but she is doing this because she wants to ensure the family grows and feels safe. She doesn't nurture the family in the same way as her mom Julieta, but we can all wear different hats at different times in our family dynamics.

[@LeniPeni]

She could be both

[@aanyamallick7747]

@@jalicea1650 warrior? Dude what

[@aanyamallick7747]

I agree with everything you said but the Isabella part

[@jalicea1650]

@@aanyamallick7747 A warrior is the fighter for the family. They defend the community and are first to rise to meet any challenge. Basically, they protect the family.

[@lysv6719]

My heart breaks for someone like Abuela. I keep seeing so many people utterly dismiss everything she went through and claiming that she doesn't "deserve her redemption arc" and that she's just an awful person. While she absolutely has her flaws, and has been downright cruel in the way she treated her family at times, she has her own trauma that has gone completely unexplored. We don't learn much about her own life until the end of the movie, which is when we fully realize that she had to leave her war-ridden home behind abruptly with three infants, the love of her life was murdered right in front of her, and she became the pillar of an entire community overnight. None of this spells out to a well-adjusted adult. And given that Abuela was pretty much left entirely alone, there is no one around her to understand what she went through in the same way the siblings and grandchildren have each other. Abuela is desperate to constantly maintain the miracle because she's terrified of losing it, knowing that an entire community outside of her own family relies on it so much. It just makes me sad when people are so dismissive of such an important character because they want to paint her as an easy villain. Real life doesn't work that way. Trauma and mental health doesn't always come out in cute, fun, or easily-digestible ways--it can be dark and scary and extremely difficult to navigate. Hurt people hurt people. Again, it's not to excuse bad behaviors, but people like Abuela deserve and NEED to be understood, too, in order for everyone to heal. EDIT: Wow, I didn't anticipate so many people to like and comment. I love reading through the conversations and insight people are providing!

[@Stitchxavi]

👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽 this was my abuela. I have mad respect for her.

[@Teresa-sz3qs]

She also needs to heal and face her trauma, in order to heal the family. The unhealed wounds just continue cycles in the family.

[@katliutoo]

Thank you. I too have been upset by people who seem to want to paint Abuela as the villain. (Perhaps they need to find someone to blame.) Rather than understanding that Abuela experienced deep trauma. And trauma gets passed down inter-generationally. She developed coping mechanisms that no longer serve the family, hurting more than helping. But it was her determination to be strong that helped her and her three children survive in those early days. Without it, the family would not exist to be having their difficulties. It bugs me that the movie clearly shows that Mirabel finally understood what Abuela went through and understood her, and yet so many people who watched the movie ignore that.

[@anon11]

@@katliutoo no people don't ignore it. You can understand someone's trauma but still hold them accountable for their actions. If we never held anyone accountable for their actions because of their trauma it wouldn't bring justice to their victims who they have caused pain. She should have gave a more thuro apology at least. That said it's up to her family to forgive and it looks like they did

[@katliutoo]

@@anon11 - You talk about accountability but what is accountability when it is applied selectively? Is Pepa held accountable for blaming Bruno for ruining her wedding day when clearly it is she and not he who influences the weather? In fact, the entire village ostracized him.

[@kurikong2379]

Watching Encanto I never thought that I was Isabel in the family until my sisters pointed it out. I never thought of myself as perfect because I am certainly not. But as the oldest child, studying Medicine, having lots of hobbies and talents (all thanks to my ADHD) I became the focus of the family. Sacrifices had to be made just so I could continue to study medicine, we had to cut back expenses from my sisters education bcos they wanted me to go first. I always felt guilty about it. And I strive hard for it not to go to waste and the pressure of it all made me relate to Luisa. I cried when her song came up

[@lesliehunter4093]

i'm sorry but it's so annoying that so many ppl think her name isabel. her name is ISABELA

[@thewritingone24]

I hope you are doing great rn!

[@kurikong2379]

@@lesliehunter4093 sorry about that, I guess I kept mixing up Mirabel and Isabela

[@tiffanypersaud3518]

I LOVED that you covered Encanto. I think a lot of families who survived national trauma and a lot of families who are immigrant families end up being inmeshed. I’m so happy that in this day and age, we get to sit down with our children and enjoy a film that is both fun, rich in culture, and complex so we can all learn and realize things.

[@vadalia3860]

The only thing I disagree with is when you say Pepa didn't know Bruno didn't cause the weather on her wedding day. She does know, with her line "Bruno says 'It looks like rain.'/ In doing so, he floods my brain" and Bruno's later explanation of why he did it. Pepa wanted good weather on her wedding day but given that a person's wedding is a high-emotion event for them, she was likely barely keeping her emotions (and by extension the weather) in check. From her perspective, Bruno then came in and told them he'd seen a vision that it rains that day, basically telling Pepa she was eventually going to lose control of her emotions, which in turn made her upset enough that she DID lose control of her emotions. She knows it was her weather powers that caused the hurricane, but blames Bruno's lack of discretion in telling her about his vision for triggering her meltdown. Later we find out from Bruno that it wasn't one of his visions, but that he purposely implied she was going to lose control eventually in an attempt to encourage her to stop worrying about it (his line- "Let it in, let it out, let it rain, let it snow, let it go"), as she was likely focused so much on controlling her emotions that she wasn't as focused on other, positive, aspects of her wedding as he thought she should be able to be. It was a combo of poor communication, her assuming the worst of him, and him trying to be supportive but doing so in a duplicitous way that he didn't completely think through the potential consequences of.

[@Jasmine-zb6un]

I also heard that “It’s looks like rain” or “it’s going to rain” has a double meaning in Colombia when said in a wedding. If someone said that in a wedding it could also mean that the marriage will fail or not last which is why Pepe was really upset too

[@JJ-ic8lw]

He didn't really say that it was a vision, he just saw her very nervous so he tried to make a joke or at least a small talk.

[@vadalia3860]

@@JJ-ic8lw He didn't say it was a vision but they assumed it was, and per his explanation it does appear he meant for them to think it was a vision (in All of Me, he reveals he specifically said it because Pepa was so stressed about keeping the weather calm & he wanted her to know she could let go- saying it as a joke or small talk in that context doesn't make sense)

[@saigie3908]

@@Jasmine-zb6un ohhh that’s a nice cultural context, especially since it takes place in Colombia

[@N.a.r.i]

@@123pehuen yeah he was referring to pepa sweating.

[@cm7393]

Girllll... I come from a Latino family and this movie made me have a roller-coaster of emotions. Thank you for doing this video... ok now I can watch the video.

[@StephAnya]

Can't wait to see your thoughts!

[@cm7393]

Yessssss!! Love this!! My grandmother was always criticizing me because I wasn't "perfect" like my sister. So I grew up thinking everything was a competition between my sister and I. And it created a little bit of distance between the two of us. I had to create a healthy distance between me and my family because at some point it was toxic. Me and my sister have an amazing relationship now that we are grown women. She's my best friend. Now my abuela has Alzhimer and she became very sweet towards me wich wasn't always the case. The other day she had a lucid moment and ask me for forgiveness.... I cried so so much. I had forgiven her but the fact that she apologized broke me in a good way. It also helped me to be a better mom. I try not to repeat the toxic environment where I grew up and my husband helps me very much with it 🥰🙏 Everything you said was very spot on! Thanks for the great content!! I sent the video to my sister 🥰

[@StephAnya]

@@cm7393 🥺 I love that you got that apology & I loved that the dynamic doesn’t define your current relationship with your sister. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story ♥️

[@jessicastone2179]

Not Latino but same, it was like a therapy session and revealed a lot of emotional issues and stuff in me

[@nubesrotas0000]

I totally identified with! The toxic family and -el que dirán- 😔

[@CrazyAlienLady051]

Out of all characters, Murabel was the one I related to the most. I try to do as much as I can for my family but, they're always pushing me away and telling me to stay out of the way and that I wasn't helping. Feeling like the burden of the family and feeling useless and that you're not good enough really does take a toll on your mental health.

[@ED-ie3et]

This.

[@kamsyanyadiegwu5848]

You’re not useless, I love you ❤️

[@imrathion5086]

I felt a lot like Bruno in my youth. I'm gay, and I've always been surrounded by homophobic words in my family. I never felt like I belonged to the family, not only for what I felt in me but also because I've always felt like I was the baby of the family even when I was 16-17 + a lot of resentment towards some people (like my mom for some of her choices for example). So my goal was to get to 18 and just move, stop talking to my family and to start a new life. That happened at the beginning, but then I felt like a void in me. I didn't know what it was, but something was missing. And then I learned as time passed that I needed them more than I thought. I've grown, my way of seeing things changed, and I'm learning to open myself more about my feelings and stuff like that. I've came out to my family, I had anxiety about that, but they were super supportive actually. There's still some unfinished business, but as I'm only 22 and started therapy 6 months ago, I remind myself of all the work I did, and I know I can do it at my own pace. And I can see some of the roles in my own family too, like the role of distantiation has a long history in my close family: my mother moved far in my country, she's the only one who left the family circle, and then I left to get out but then got closer, and now it's my little sister who has distantiated herself from us. But I've been where she's at, so I understand her. Honestly this movie has touched me so much, all the family dysfunctions and toxicity of an apparent perfection (whether it was on purpose or not) made me realise stuff in my own family, and I can forever be thankful for opening my eyes. And thanks to you too, it's the first video I've watched, and I will clearly explore more of your work. Thanks to you too.

[@cameron20_]

Idk that I'd call Dolores the gossip. It's canon that she knew Bruno never left but kept that secret for pretty much her entire life until he came back. I think the reason why she shared the vision was because she was worried about the safety of her family, but kept Bruno's secret because she knew it would cause more harm or danger.

[@roach-fi5944]

Tio Felix is clearly the gossip lmaooooo

[@melryan7603]

I dunno, she also habitually says more than necessary about people ("He wants 5 babies") and has trouble keeping other big secrets. (She couldn't keep quiet about Mirabel finding the profecy.)

[@cameron20_]

@@melryan7603 I think the thing about wanting five babies is important to the marriage and what Abuela was asking tbf, since Abuela wanted them to marry specifically for them to have children

[@roach-fi5944]

@@melryan7603 But that's because she loves Mariano and was saying it through her own forlorn sigh.

[@jaymd1149]

Yeah, I would say her role is being the one that isn't heard/ignored, since Abuela asks her what she hears about everyone else but never about what she's thinking or feeling.

[@allyshoup4402]

This brought to mind a family i knew that always said the son was "the problem child". Like they told me that. After spending alot of time with them I came to realized he acted out, had coping issues (still does), and anger issues and it very clearly came from his parents and them also favoring his sister. His dad had major anger issues, mom was all over the place emotionally and very manipulative, and the sister in the family was treated like the perfect child when she was far from it. The son was the one person that had it all together compared to them but he didn't know how to fit into their "status quo." It frustrated me soooo much!!! He was scaped goated soooo much!!

[@chocolateaddictedartist5924]

UGH, I hope that boy realizes his self worth is not tied to emotionally unstable A-holes who don't understand him and just see him as 'edgy' or 'mischevious.' (That was basically my brother growing up, and I think we're in a better place now.)

[@allyshoup4402]

@@chocolateaddictedartist5924 He struggles a great deal with depression. I pray for him often and try to be encouraging but i also live in a different state than him now. I do feel like slowly he is working on addressing depression but it is still quite a struggle.

[@mrbusinesss1]

Another great animated movie about family issues I recommend is The Mitchells vs The Machines. It’s essentially about a family of two parents and two kids, where the oldest daughter and the father are struggling with their relationship as they don’t want to see things from each other’s perspective. The dad is worried about her going to film school as he’s scared she won’t make a living out of it and that he won’t be able to help, and the daughter just wants him to understand her lifelong passion. There’s also a robot apocalypse which is cool LMAO

[@sophie2000ish]

Just wanna share something from Filipino Psychology (Sikolohiyang Pilipino) because it's interesting how Isabela and Luisa resonated so deeply with POC families. Although their struggles seems to be pretty universal phenomenon for older siblings, in Filipino families (that is to say, it is a term coined in Filipino Psychology) we have what we call the "tagasalo" (roughly translated to "the one who catches/carries" the family burdens) who fulfills the role of the breadwinner (and are typically the older female children). In my opinion, what makes this construct apt in contextualizing the "eldest sibling syndrome" to POC families is due to its cultural and socioeconomic factors. Being stringently Catholic (thanks, Spain), the importance of family, sacrifice/selflessness for your family, gratitude ("utang ng loob"), and serving your parents are among the core values instilled upon us growing up. Not to say that they're inherently bad, it's just that it can get pretty toxic up here once the child exhibits a behavior or an attitude or an ambition that doesn't follow any of those values. And the expectation to live up to them are felt more strongly by the older children as they have the responsibility to set an example and assist their parents in taking care of the younger siblings. The socioeconomic factor is what ties this all up together since the "tagasalo" is prevalent in low income families. The "tagasalo" is the one who gets a job first (or the job that's the most lucrative among the employed siblings), so then they also have the back breaking duty to lift their family from poverty (e.g pay for their younger siblings' education, pay for the bills, family expenses, etc). It's so baked into our culture that the problematic nature of this dynamic is hardly ever addressed and, most of the time, the "tagasalo" is not even aware that they're at risk of burning out. Or that they themselves are perpetuating/subjecting their younger siblings to the same level of toxicity that they experienced as the "tagasalo".

[@ambriaashley3383]

Wow, thank you for sharing that bit of your culture! You're educating a lot of people on an important topic. I hope all siblings who experience that can find peace

[@linarenee3504]

I have a friend who lives in the Philippines and this sounds very accurate. Although she is the youngest, she's also very focused on her goals and the objectives set for her. Which in itself is something I envy as a person with little ambition. However it can be concerning to hear about when she puts her goals over her own personal health. Such as when she makes herself do chores or work with a fever. Or overworks herself too much. Another thing I've noticed is that Filipino seem to have somewhat of a lack of self preservation. Such as brushing off possible injuries or refusing to disinfect wounds. When I asked her about it out of concern she said, "We just don't care." I've tried a few times to convince her that her life is worth something. But she is absolutely convinced that if she can't do her job she might as well be dead. Which makes her push herself much farther than she needs to. I'm working on trying to instill a bit of self preservation and self worth in her through our friendship. It's just that it would be really hard for me to see her overwork herself just because she thinks she's only worth the amount of tasks she can check off. I'm trying to get her to focus a bit on her own hobbies and put effort into caring about her health. But there's not much I can do from across the planet.😅 She'll only listen to me so much.

[@JustineAprilJ]

@@linarenee3504 You’re a great friend :)

[@leximarijulienne]

im filipino and didnt know this, thanks for the info :DD

[@anjealousanaconda9692]

Exactly

[@ash-dl8ff]

I grew up being the “Perfect One”. First in my family to go to college, got a nice degree in my field, my parents bragged about how pretty and popular I was to the rest of the family, and the family would use me as an example to my cousins on what they should be. But I always felt like I needed to perform specifically to make my parents proud. Small mistakes give me severe panic attacks. I developed an ED as a teenager. My self-worth is tied to whether I can make other people proud of me. Now that I’m an adult, I lost my job in the field I studied for last year and have been struggling with feeling like I’ve brought shame upon myself and my family. I’ve been grappling with my identity and role in my family.

[@sharknado623]

Same. I know how you feel.

[@wanderer7689]

Praying for you, hold on and pray always. Remember, our value as a human being is being human. Being ourselves. Being who God created us to be, and not as however others see us, want us to do, or whatever we achieved. Stay strong and don't give up, the storms will pass and everything will work out fine. God bless you. 💖 P.S: I can relate as well. Being labeled as the intelligent eldest child from an Asian family is no joke. Once I thought I'd be ranked 2nd in a quarterly ranking, and it had me hyperventilating, thinking what my parents would say, or how I would have to explain it in the next reunion or at the dinner table.

[@justsomeboredchicsyt9664]

I feel like I'm on the road to becoming that, my parents have already made it very clear that all eyes are on me as their oldest and I'm a role model to my siblings. I'm not allowed to make mistakes even as small as getting B's instead of As or do anything wrong because my siblings will "pick it up from me". They've already decided how I'll live my own life. I want to leave, but I feel like as soon as I do they'll cut me off and just move the pressure onto the next.

[@Salmiak]

I resonate with this. Stay strong ❤️

[@Mumbo_Jumbo]

@@justsomeboredchicsyt9664 when you get a job and become successful tell them the truth about how you feel and your personal wants so they'll realize how bad their actions were to u and even if they started to say ur wrong well atleast u now have a job and ur an adult and u can make ur own choices now

[@irl654]

As a Hispanic daughter I related to the “perfect one” so much. This video was such an eye opener!!

[@JZBai]

Neither Hispanic nor a daughter (i.e. Asian son), but I too related to the "perfect one" role also. What's odd is that I actually originally didn't like Isabela and thought her to be needlessly cold and cruel to Mirabel, but after it was pointed out to me the amount of pressure she was under and that her "perfection" was more or less an act to please Abuela, I feel bad for judging her now since I've been through that sort of pressure too at times with my mother. She's actually a lot like me underneath it all since we're both the apples of our mothers' eyes, yet simultaneously can't truly be ourselves in our mothers' eyes. Fun fact: In Chinese culture, it's believed that your hair is a gift from your mother and I inherited my mother's shiny black hair like how Isabela inherited young Abuela's looks. That scene where Abuela pulled out the white flower from Isabela's hair after being startled by what Dolores said about the number of kids Mariano wanted while calling her "perfect" hits differently now since my mother sometimes does that to me when I get white hairs due to aging...

[@JuggalettePrincess92]

I legit love this. I was the "perfect child" and it has taken so many years to not only accept that it's okay to make mistakes but to allow myself to take risks. Thank you so much for this.

[@alexandrakershner4463]

Adding to “the gossip;” I think the positive of that personality type comes when you go to them with an issue that you think you could NEVER share with your family and they tell you that other members have gone through the exact same thing as you. I have a cousin who knows everything about everyone but it’s because she’s a safe place to go to. She will never share someone else’s business BUT will let people know if family members are in conflict, if someone is sick, etc. Only disclosing the necessary for the sake of everyone while still remaining a safe place to go for a listening ear. There’s a balance to it.

[@teapotsoup2851]

If anyone is secretly keeping the One Who Left in the loop about family matters, it's the Gossip, trust me, it's the role I play.

[@ClaudetteVioletta]

It's like Dolores, she was worried both casita and Mirabel

[@goosefishh]

And this also reflects in the movie because Dolores heard Bruno in the walls EVERYDAY but she never told anyone else he was there

[@leislingvoss1547]

Im definitely in that role now - i wasnt sure i fit the gossip role by what was explained in the video, since i only share stuff when it would help the person/people involved, but i am exactly like your cousin in this aspect (i started as the "identified patient" - an only child getting forced into an extremely blended family was.. difficult. I know what its like to have misinformation being spread at your expense)

[@ViolettaVie]

@@deborahnicole Considering how dysfunctional the family was, if she was spreading information with disregard, the family would have been aware of the cracks a long time ago.

[@vanessadalpiaz6423]

This is such a great break down. As soon as I saw encanto, I felt it was a wonderful way to look at how family dysfunction can operate, even amongst families who love each other and want the best for each other. The short that played before the movie did a great job with this theme too. I think they’re both great ways to expose kids to how to identify unhealthy behavior in their own family and know that they are not alone in that and can do better than what they were taught.

[@StephAnya]

Thank you! And I completely agree with you. I'm glad to see that they're portraying this so accurately.

[@NS-ql7dt]

What short? Do you remember its name? I might’ve been too late to see it

[@coelhofofolps5153]

@@NS-ql7dt 'far from the tree'

[@madeniquevanwyk]

Im curious, do you mean to say Mirabel instead of Bruno? Because I'm pretty sure the movie portrays Mirabel as being the glue, or at least the one who enacted the change

[@joyknight5999]

family roles: 01:58 - 03:30 the distractor 03:31 - 04:09 the nurturer 04:10 - 07:16 the strong one 07:17 - 09:19 the emotional one 09:20 - 11:07 the gossip 11:08 - 12:49 the matriach/patriarch 12:50 - 13:51 the one that left 13:52 - 18:05 the "identified" patient 18:06 - 20:54 the perfect one

[@Wuffskers]

"children don't have problems, parents do" I LOVE that

[@misty8265]

I hate it and totally disagree.

[@LosMuertosNegros]

You hit me on the "one that left," I left many years ago, emotionally, mentally and physically separated myself from the family unit. It was toxic and I could not do it anymore. I am slowly making my way back, but with boundaries. All of this was thanks to my own therapist.

[@08ranaiu]

Same!! I hear you....was actually the youngest but had the pressure of “the perfect one” which is nonsense....”losing” my family through separation was the toughest but best thing to ever happen to me; therapy, and more importantly an amazing therapist has been life-restoring to say the least!! Peace on your journey

[@teianniaclark2434]

I have never related so much to a comment than this one!! Literally me two years ago and I only speak to two of my siblings that I never knew. So they have never had a chance to be toxic towards me.

[@cat_pb]

same, I am Bruno...

[@cautiousgalaxy4613]

How the family talked about bruno and mirabel. It reminds me of the family guy episode. when meg stands up for herself and the whole family turns on each other. She literally says I'm the lighting rod for all the negativity in the household.

[@StephAnya]

Such a good comparison! Family Guy gets it.

[@stardust1815]

@@StephAnya Honestly, I really don't think Family Guy's a good example. In that episode "Seahorse Seashell Party" the message is basically that a person being abused should stay in an abusive relationship for the abuser's benefit. Then, in what I'm pretty sure is the very next episode, about a character who's going through domestic violence with her husband, they say that women who stay in abusive relationships are weak. So yeah.

[@StephAnya]

@@stardust1815 I’ve never really watched the show, but the lightning rod comment is definitely a reflection of the enmeshed family dynamic. I agree with you that Family Guy is not a great example for promoting healthy family culture which it seems like was being pointed out here.

[@Trickpants]

@@stardust1815 How do they say that women who stay in abusive relationships are weak? I'm not disagreeing (or disagreeing that Family Guy often send a lot of terrible messages, because they do), I just don't remember that message in the episode.

[@jackwhitbread4583]

@@stardust1815 who says that meg is weak? Brian even tells her how impressive she is and that she is the strongest person in the entire family

[@mateuspedrosadasilva884]

I love the definition of Dolores as a gossip bcz this really showed the importance of that role in that for example she is the only connection between Bruno and the family as she hears him on the walls, she keeps it between the two but still establishes communication there. One theory/read says that during We don't talk about Bruno during the table setting you can see that she is the closest to the wall and looks like she knocks on it to let him know it's time for dinner. It's fascinating how all these characters play a role into the family even if it might not be intentional (like Mirabel and Bruno taking blame, Camilo making light out of things) but because they want to make the family "work'" even if to they hurt from it, and it's the whole theme with Abuela wanting the family to be strong even if through preassure and even if burying her insecurities under her matriarch role. It's just a beautiful movie and I love the discussions that can come of it.

[@bellerain381]

I did not grow up in a typical Latino family….however my Hispanic father and German mother both came from rough backgrounds and raised my brother and I in a ranch/rough cowboy lifestyle. Not a lot of time for emotions, too much work to do. I connected a lot in this movie one because I am the first oldest (and only) daughter in the family, however I think I kind of became a combo of Isabela and Julieta because I believed it was my job to make sure everyone was happy and I was doing everything I could to make my parents proud.

[@erikamince]

Therapy the Musical. It was so fantastic. I cried so much. It was beautiful to see so much systems theory. Also the Pixar short with the raccoons. What a healing film.

[@StephAnya]

Healing is the exact word!

[@juliasantiago5703]

OMG yes! I loved and felt that short as well as the movie, it really meant a lot to me.

[@tranquility1967]

I have watched it 2 dozen times... It is my current therapy😊😊

[@shaniatreyu9303]

My brother is the one who 'left'. Failed out of middle school, did drugs, insulted his siblings and parents, and really just didn't care if his actions hurt the family. That being said, when he was locked up in a mental institution and we didn't know where he was at, the whole family banded together to look for him. I called out of work for an entire week just to look for him and actually reestablished connection with my own dad, who was also a leaver of the family, because he was worried about my brother too. We had family gatherings we hadn't had in years because we were trying to find him. Luckily, I managed to reach a higher position in the hospital to finally tell me where he was (he was an adult and technically they can't disclose his whereabouts - he had to contact us - but we knew he didn't have a phone or even knew our numbers even if he wanted to). Apparently the mental facility checked him in for suicidal tendencies (he wasn't suicidal) and then discharged him a week later, leaving him to panhandle in front of an abandoned Wendy's on the bad side of town. We only managed to find him because we drove around the area of the hospital. He still has problems, which he acknowledges, but he's in a better state now. He has a job and helps support mom (as she's the only one he really likes). But I do understand that he was the 'lightning rod' that brought the family together even for those couple weeks.

[@sin3358]

I'm crying right now, idk why. It's just that your comment seems so wonderful and sad and so relatable at the same time. I think it may be the fact that I somehow identify with the leaver although I haven't left yet nor idk if I will, but ever since I was young I always used to think and say that I'll leave my home for good and had imaginations where I lost all contact from my fam and finally became happier. Reading this somehow gives me hope that things may get better for me to, but idk tbh, it's complicated. I'm really glad to hear that your family is doing better now and that your brother is back. I cannot imagine the pain he had to go through. We don't choose that path without considering any other ones, it's the only choice we have left when the pain is immeasurable

[@calzoneyed]

I think my family could really benefit from group therapy. I've seen a lot of these trends in my family. Something I've noticed is that no one in my family is a specific one of these roles, but we all fall on a kind of scale of all the roles. Thank you for this video. It helped me realize a lot of my feelings towards my family that I've been repressing.

[@meganrichardson3575]

The way you described the “strong” one, hit me right in the chest. I have always been the family problem solver as the eldest daughter and I’ve been slowly groomed to assume the roll of matriarch within the family. When everyone is constantly looking at me for leadership and decisions it’s incredibly overwhelming and impactful if i do something wrong, or take my focus away from the family. May or may not have teared up

[@ajurgo]

As a late-diagnosed Autistic individual i really see a lot of myself in Pepa. Growing up my emotions were so BIG and I didn't know how to control them but i knew no one Elses were that big. no one else was having meltdowns over a sock being too tight, or a tag in a shirt scratching at their skin. So i masked. And in my life, my sister in law is my Felix. she's she first one who really helped me to embrace who i am and helped me to not feel shame for the way my brain reacts to things around me.

[@MonstehDinosawr]

I'm a late diagnosed autistic and I related with Isabela because her song reminded me so much of having to mask my emotions growing up

[@francescafrancesca3554]

I am sorry you went through that, and I'm so glad you have a Felix in your life. I wish you the best. Life would be full without Pepas, I believe 💙

[@francescafrancesca3554]

@@MonstehDinosawr I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope you are ok, and you can find all you can do, all you want to do, like Isabela did. Wishing you the best!

[@ajurgo]

@@MonstehDinosawr honestly i think us Neurodivergents can relate to everyone in a different way. Our emotions are often HUGE; Pepa, sensory overload like Deloris, We mask like pros; Isabela. a lot of times we carry way more than we should bc we're afraid of looking emotionally weak; Luisa. Not to mention the way we change ourselves based on who we're with; Camilo

[@neru1584]

I'm autistic and I saw myself in Mirabel more, I couldn't fit in at all no matter how hard I tried to seem "normal" like as everyone else was

[@MysteryFanGirl]

Uff I’m “the perfect one” in the family and yes I’m the oldest one. I remembered that when I started expressing my desire to move my life into a different direction I had such a backlash and after I moved away I became a Bruno. The Funny thing is that years later after I became even more successful by following my dreams the family admitted that they were wrong and welcome me back. Sometimes you just need to have courage to break from the pressure to live someone else vision for you and follow your heart instead

[@StephAnya]

I love that they admitted that they were wrong. That is so rare.

[@stephr2980]

I feel similarly. I was Luisa and Isabella, the eldest and the golden gifted child who's always mature and responsible and shares with the younger ones. Until I wasn't. When I made choices that didn't put my family's opinions first, when I followed my own direction, things went south and I ended up emigrating to be free to be myself without grappling with constant expectations and criticism. I took my horse with me and became a bit of a Bruno except my family were trying to get me back. There was the added ambiguity that my mum's dream had been to live in England where I am now yet in all other respects I was destroying her dream life. We're doing better now, but all the trauma her own mother passed onto her has impacted us all and she's now stopped going to therapy. I think she'd be a Mirabel and Bruno but one whose entire family brought her up in contempt and who therefore hates them and has left the encanto to start her own perfect family, all the while being convince she's worthless. But in a way she's abuelita too, wanting to protect us all and have us be valuable and perfect in ways she feels she never can be. It's so difficult to nail it down to one person but I related to most of the people there. Surface pressure made me react outward so strongly but Isabella's song left me speechless and so glad I left when I did.

[@ennardspaghetti5985]

@@stephr2980 same I felt most relatable with Luisa and Isabela

[@kharesegittens1016]

Yeah def resonate with this. My parents pushed me through college and doing engineering and I never felt like I had a choice or I would get kicked out or I would be the reason my siblings act out. When I left college I finally made a decision for myself to go to nail school. Even though I was working myself so harshly to pay for it and went to work and night school and kept up my relationship I was so happy I was doing something I liked. Unfortunately I was derailed by my dad who decided to tell me that I need to forget all that stuff and stick to engineering and degrade me about how I’m messing up my life etc. So anyway I’m going through the Bruno phase now I guess where I have to distance myself from the family dynamic because I feel so horrible about any decisions I make every single day. It’s so difficult to come to terms with but now that I can see everything clearly it definitely gets easier to move forward

[@katherinelien9483]

I love this analysis and I love how you mentioned the westernized ideas of just individuality and being aware of collective cultures. It’s hard to find a therapist to be aware of their own biases.

[@penname8441]

+

[@kristalvelez554]

I've been seeing therapists on and off since I was in fourth grade and everybody always made it seem like it was my fault. like I needed to be fixed because I was just troubled child. Because I wasn't like my brother or sister who didn't have ADHD or dyslexia or any behavioral issues. They were perfect. My family definitely had the facade of a perfect family whenever in reality we were so toxic and broken.

[@eRoTiCCrEaTiOnS]

I really liked mirabel and her dad. They have such a good relationship with one another and seeing positive male role models for Latinx communities in films is unfortunately rare. I also liked that they made sure to have diversity within the culture. Hispanics and Latinx people don’t look one way. I just appreciated that

[@humanperson318]

Please… please never use the word latinx ever again - a Latina person

[@silverstarlightproductions1292]

I think The Perfect One could also be translated as The Good One or the Good Kid because oftentimes the oldest child will try to follow all of the parents rules and regulations in an attempt to keep the peace and will get frustrated with the younger ones who are more "rebellious" and have no qualms with expressing how they feel thus angering the parents. In the case of Encanto, the real reason why Isabella was mad at Mirabel for ruining her proposal was because it upset Abuela, the matriarch. And if Abuela wasn't happy, no one was happy.

[@emanomer2288]

That's me 😂

[@juvilyn222]

The song of luisa hits hard. Eldest here and the breadwinner in the family. I also relate to isabela that i have to be perfect and not make mistakes

[@doralizaurena6036]

The one about the "perfect child" hit me in the feels because I didn't know this was me.😖 I'm a perfectionist and I was the oldest sibling growing up. I still feel pressure to not make mistakes and am scared to try new things and go out of my comfort zone. I really appreciate your analysis and advice❤️ (I also related to the nurturer and emotional one lol)

[@valeriemcqueen7359]

My little sister ask me to watch this movie, she said "You're gonna feel identified with Luisa" As I'm the oldest sister and pretty much a surrogate mom to her I couldn't help but almost cry during her song. Actually I feel also very related with Abuela (since I have a lot of responsabilities) and Mirabel herself because I'm going through a very hard depression period and I cried during "Waiting on a Miracle" MAN! I just kinda cried through the whole movie!!! 😆

[@O2life]

So did I! Watched it last night and my eyes are sore today. I hope you have the support you need to get through this hard time soon.

[@kharesegittens1016]

Same my younger sister said the same exact thing to me I recently have been trying to explain to our parents what kind of pressure I have felt and I kept feeling dismissed. My little sister is the only one that listened and had my back and that’s how I even saw the movie. Def cried during the whole thing all 57 times I have watched it and anytime I hear the songs. My parents still don’t understand me though but at least I have my sister.

[@O2life]

@@hannahbanana3298 Aw, I love your dad! It's so good to be seen by the people we love.

[@themaskedmaxxi]

I almost cried during when Mirabel was saying she'll never be good enough and also talking to Abuela and making a mends because that's how I feel with my parents.

[@emilyrln]

This was really interesting! I found myself identifying with so many pieces of different characters. My favorite was probably Antonio, for asking Mirabel to walk with him to his door and be a part of his special day (and basically daring the family to say something about it), and also for taking initiative later to give Bruno a place for his vision (and a stuffed animal for comfort lol). I love this movie so much!

[@iamtheruraljuror9257]

I read somewhere that the reason Antonio asks Mirabel to walk with him is if he doesn't get a "gift", Mirabel will always love him unconditionally. Unlike Abuela and his parents who expects him to get a "gift", their love is conditional..."i will love you more if you're special"😢

[@user-sf9rr7wu3f]

i love him too!

[@moo9874]

I loved it when at the end Antonio returned the favour and led Mirabel to the door to put on the doorknob, such a sweet kid!

[@ppl2gether]

I think Bruno is the person who is so honest who is never afraid to say what he thinks no matter who he hurts. He is the most honest person

[@LN-bn6ho]

When I saw Encanto I just felt so related to Mirabel for the fact that she wanted the approval of abuela so badly and that got me right in the feelings I come from a latino family and my abuela never notice me. No matters how I act or how I feel, is like I'm not there, and when I stopped going visiting her, she told everyone that I don't even want to be with her or I'm the one that never visit her but how? she makes me feel invisible and so tiny

[@judewatts6942]

YES! Bruno is my favorite character too! 2nd to Camilo. Honestly, I felt like it was an injustice that they didnt flesh out his issue a little more because at the end of the day he still loves his family regardless of the things they say about him. I feel like his reason of leaving is something not a lot of media tackles as much. Usually characters leave their family for the betterment of themselves but Bruno left because of his own self worth being so low that he thought that erasing himself from the picture would make things better for them. Countless scenes are of him trying to take the blame for everything from apologizing to the family to taking the blame for Mirabel. Its like never fleshed out how bad it is that hes taking so much of that blame for himself. I just wished there was a scene where he could feel that sense of importance in the family. Just some self validation, even just a little.

[@TrishaEvansLutterodt]

I'm definitely the "Identified Patient", the one everyone blames their issues on. When I was at university, I never felt so happy to not have those expectations and pressure but now that I've graduated and I'm back home, it's all come back again

[@sin3358]

I think I identify with that one too. Lately it's been a bit more peaceful to be honest and I've less fam members calling me bad things and all of that, but now their new target is the middle child in my family (I'm the eldest, we're all 3 siblings together) and it awfully pains me to see it happen and I want to help but part of me is scared. I just want to completely be out of everything that involved my family's issues and run away somewhere and never have them hear about me ever again. That's why I always get very bothered when they DO ask me about how my day has been or show any concern about me. I'd rather be invisible, I have been so my entire life and their desire to make everything better now won't change my mind any time soon, in fact, it only causes me anxiety and makes me wanna leave faster

[@urbannsquirrel]

That same thing happened to me. I flourished in college and then when I moved back home after I graduated it felt like a huge step backwards. I suggest moving out as soon as you are able to, even if it's on a shoestring budget. I'm much happier and get along better with my family when I don't live with them.

[@chioreka]

I feel the same way, especially if where you went for university was very far from home

[@sand.hanitizer]

Let's take a moment to appreciate this creator for taking their time to make this awesome video. I really love how open and non-judgmental they explain everything. I actually couldn't see any of those people in my family, but I could see most of them in my friend group :3 Except for myself, I don't know, I don't identify with any of those types. But this video is very well made and very interesting! PS. My favourite character in Encanto is actually Luisa.

[@jaysimone]

“The Identified Patient” literally crushed me.

[@Jennifer722011]

I have been obsessed with this movie since I saw it. I just relate to it so much. I’m the eldest of 5 children and I was told from the time I was a child I was going to be an architect. After my second year of architecture college, I was so depressed and miserable. I finally sought help and started making decisions for myself and setting boundaries. I did not cut them out of my life but they did not take it well. To this day my mother lies to people about my degree. My own adult siblings call me a b**ch to my face and they generally think I’m a horrible person. I don’t let it get to me because I’m happy with my own family, friends, and job. I created my own happiness

[@isabelapereira5082]

I'm so sorry that you had to go throught that, and I'm happy that you made you way out of it and found what makes you happy

[@michaellemmen]

I wish I had your strength

[@Jennifer722011]

@@michaellemmen I bet you are stronger than you realize! and there is no shame is getting help to change your life. I went to a therapist during those years and she helped guide me to change my life for the better!

[@OKBettsy]

Thank you for this breakdown. I only recently watched Encanto and was immediately drawn to Pepa and your description of her role hit me in the guts. I was always described by my mum as being able to "control the weather". If I was happy the room was sunny and bright, but if I was troubled or upset, she said it was like storm clouds were following me, exactly as they depicted in Encanto 😂 It really surprised me and I really related to her, I was always "too much" as well. I wish we had got family therapy when we were younger, but it's way too late for us. Anyway, enough of my ramblings, thank you again for your work on this, it has opened my eyes!

[@sandpiperr]

Yeah it really hit me too, because it made me realize that I'm The Emotional One in my family, but my mom's description of it wasn't nearly as nice as yours! Most of my family isn't that good with showing a lot of emotion, so that trait in me was always treated as something bad. My dad was...alright, he has traits of both the Distractor and the Nurturer, so he'd sometimes be understanding when he sensed that I really needed it, but my brother is also a Distractor so there were other times when they would end up riffing off each other in making fun of me for getting emotional. And my mom especially made it out to be something negative about me. I was always too much, "there's no need to get hysterical!", "everyone has to walk on eggshells around you!", "you know, sometimes I think you enjoy being this way!" That, and being the oldest child, drove me to aspire to be both The Strong One and The Perfect One, and I have accomplished plenty of things in my life, but I still have this deep feeling that I'm too much since I was told it so many times, and that I'll always be a bit disappointing because I'm the one they always have to worry about. It was nice to see a compassionate description of The Emotional One since I've always experienced it being described as a negative role in a family.

[@rmt3589]

Favorite character: Mirabel. Who I identify most with: Luisa. I think I need some of this differentiation you've talked about.

[@phoggypsych]

I had a client tell me today that he identified with Luiza in Encanto as someone who had to bear the burdens of his family as the Strong One. This movie is such a great healing experience for a lot of people.

[@pastorhudson]

I just finished the movie and immediately thought “Wow somebody on writing staff understood family systems!”. Your video is fantastic thank you! And definitely subscribing.

[@ave_nue3072]

I love the analysis on the identified patient, Bruno and Mirabel. And also Bruno being the one who left. I relate heavily to especially Bruno, and I'm so happy to get some terms for this. My family is a spot on image of white straight people. We got the succesful ceo dad, mom w a parttime job in healthcare. And we're relatively wealthy, opinionated, smart. All those generally positive traits, and a perfectly functional family on it's on And I'm their enby ace art kid, whos big w philosophy. And I just, don't like how things work. Often frustarted at little things I notice they just brush off, not understood, not able to understand, and in a way too literal. When that happens, and I mess up, or am wrong, I'm laughed at. Altho not blamed for bad things, they don't always support my choices. They tend to jump to assumptions instead of talking to me, and act from there. I've been thinking about leaving the family since I was 12, since our communication is so terrible, I am nearly ready too at this point. But I do care a lot for my family, so my hope is that while I'm gone, studying art in another city. I can seek help. And these terms will help explain, so thank you

[@skurinski]

Well instead of blaming it on them, look inside and see what issues are you causing? A lot of problems in families are because people project onto others are the "problem" when they cant look aside and try to meet their families half way, apologize for wrong doings, or for going against everything they stand for. Not everything is or has to be about you and your quirks.

[@ave_nue3072]

@@skurinski as much as I'd like to, all I can see is what happens to me, I can tell that I frustrate them sometimes without meaning to, and just generally do not seem to fit in, among other things listed. Call it quirks, that's fine by me, they are quirks. My quirks make me who I am afterall, I can compromise them to help the situation, and to a certain extend I wouldn't mind to! But they remain a factor to be considered eitherway. As some 'quirks', like neurodivergency (to name an example, not to say it applies) are not very flexible at all The reason I cannot compromise them with my families own quirks however, is because no one here talks on any sort of emotional level. We all may recognise something needs to be done, but aslong as it's not bad enough, or not properly recognised, no one will adress it. And I may not even be the only one who realises that. There's also a looming pressure on my side of being wrong about stuff and shunned for it, laughed off for speaking up about it, misunderstood what I'm trying to say, as that's what I'm used to by this point. And on their side, there might be some other pressure, but I cannot know what that is. Both parties are not talking. No one here is at fault, and I am well aware no one is helping the situation either. But we're all stuck in one way or another due to our general lack of communication. Believe me I've tried.

[@Newfiecat]

Wow, yeah I think I can relate. I'm also an enby ace artist in my very stereotypical white family. The guilt of not fitting in and conforming to what I'm supposed to be is hard to live with. My extended family is all very close, but also very traditional and I'm not willing to come out to them and "selfishly cause drama". My family gets on my case all the time for never getting a relationship and earning money through portraits and murals instead of getting a stable 9-5 job (which I can't find, even with my degree 😓). I still live right next to my parents and many aunts, uncles and cousins, and love them all, but at the same time they're all NOTORIOUSLY bad at communication and openness, lol. I think it's a great idea to study in a city and get to make friends with more open-minded people. I wish I could move to a city with a great LGBT community but sadly would never be able to afford to live there.

[@TessThe5th]

@@skurinski Did you even read all of OP's comment? Don't be dense and pinned all of it on OP. OP wasn't blaming anything on their parents nor are they making it about themselves. The issue they identified is the lack of communication being the main issue between both parties and how their parents especially are the ones jumping to assumptions instead of actually listening and understanding them. You sound just as toxic as Abuela Alma during the first half of Encanto trying to pin the problem on Mirabel when the reality was Abuela did a PISS POOR job COMMUNICATING with her family that it took for Mirabel (who actually TALKED to and gave those she talked to a voice to express their discontent like Luisa exhausted from being the strong one all the time and Isabella tired of being perfect to appease Abuela) to tell her she was the one who was breaking the family apart with her high expectations for everyone with a gift that she didn't even see them as people anymore, but solely their gifts. Hell, Bruno himself is a character who is a literal representation of when someone tries to scapegoat one person rather than the parties who actually need to change or everyone who is involved (Wow, it's like as if OP themselves mentioned how they related heavily to Bruno). God forbid you have children because you would definitely produce a Bruno with that toxic mindset, and I wouldn't blame them at all for wanting to get away from you.

[@ninkayu]

Somehow I can relate to multiple characters. On the surface, I'm Luisa, I've been expected to hide my feelings and serve the family as an eldest child, I've been taught to be the second parent meaning that I have to take on the responsibilities of my parents. At the same time I'm expected to be perfect, my parents will brag about me in front of others but will constantly criticize me at home. Now I want to be Bruno that just disappear from the family.

[@danielasarmiento30]

I really relate to Mirabel. Having failed all the family expectations due to simply being you and having everyone consider you inferior to the point of not taking interest in you. It's really disheartening, and I've spent so many years trying to be who others wanted me to that I'm not entirely certain what I want for myself

[@ED-ie3et]

This. I'm still trying to accept the choices I'm making for myself that I love and know is good for me that they are so against because it's not something they support.

[@rosyface_]

I am the person who left. Your take was interesting, I’m definitely seen as the issue and always have been because I’m not like my family. I identify really strongly with Bruno and Mirabel in Encanto. I’ve always been compared to my cousin, who is everything they ever wanted for the family. She’s the perfect Catholic wife and mother and I started getting piercings and tattoos when I was 18 and don’t go to church. We’re the same age, both the oldest child. She’s the oldest of the favourite middle child and only son. I’m the oldest of the oldest daughter, who I assume was treated like me when she was young. Unfortunately my mother has become her mother over the years and I left instead of staying and accepting it,

[@Randomperson-lv3ve]

same, I know what u feel, my grandma always talks about my cousin (a year younger than me) and she talks about how she is thin, does sports, is beautiful and how she is very intelligent and her determination with studying and I’m like “oh yeah, mh mh” and I have to control my tears before they fall down bc I’m always compared to her, I don’t hate her, she is my cousins and I love her, I just wish my grandma could stop talking about her and talk about me for a moment.

[@transbender5906]

I relate to almost all the characters. Being an only child, there isn’t really anyone else to fill these roles that she was talking about, and after hearing about them it makes me understand myself a whole lot more. In stressful situations, depending on who I’m dealing with, I’ll be the distractor. I’ll let off that I’m not taking it seriously to lighten the mood, which just makes my family more mad, but they’re not mad about what I’m distracting them from, and at me instead. During my parent’s divorce I did a lot of mischievous behaviors, I didn’t get good grades, I didn’t do chores, and I was irritable. I tried to run away to bring my parents together after they told me. For me a lot of the blaming, shaming and shunning is internal, and I basically cause myself to be reclusive, but also a lot of the time when I express my emotions or I’m honest I’ll get yelled at and berated without a break, so I’ve learned to just bottle it up, which causes me to overshare whenever I get the opportunity with my friends. Another reason I’m reclusive is because my dad asks me to do a lot of stuff, when I’m already stressing about homework and other things. There’s a lot of things that my dad will have me do, and it’s healthy to make your kid work, but I feel so overwhelmed every single day so I hide in my room to avoid being asked to clean the whole house or accompany my dad to the dumpster or help him with yard work. When I started getting good grades I received so much praise for it. I receive so much praise for my guitar playing and musical talent, and it stresses me out so much that I won’t be good enough someday and that I won’t get that praise and attention ever again. I’m definitely hyper focused on my imperfections and it’s hard to deal with them because I have no one to compare myself to

[@osmailyortizabreu7526]

Woaaa! This is a great perspective, and give us the only childs a deeper understanding

[@Nekogal18]

I feel like a pepa,Bruno, and a mirabel. I am overly emotional because the anxiety trying catch up to people my own age and comparing myself other. But I also felt like the odd one out like Bruno

[@MicaAnneArts]

After watching this, I definitely identify with “the identified patient/ the one who left” or in my case, the one who is making plans to leave. A lot of the time it feels like everyone in my family has some kind of problem with how I present myself, or my interests. Especially being a closeted nonbinary person in a very religious household, I always end up just feeling like an outsider.

[@wind_scratch8387]

Yeah I feel that tbh. I live in a religious/latino household. I know I'm cis but I'm trying to figure out my sexuality. Because the truth of the matter is that being anything besides straight could be a disaster in my family.. I realized I might be bisexual a couple years ago and at first I was determined to ignore it for the rest of my life but as the years have gone by the fact that my parent just... won't *love me* if I'm not hetero has gotten to me. And of course there are other things to. My mother talks about how awful it is for someone to leave their family while I'm slowly inching towards that destination. The thing is if things don't change I'm pretty sure that's what will end up happening... it might not be direct but I feel I'll just... fade. When I look into my future I can't see my family there and that terrifies me. The worst part is they're not even toxic or bad parents... just that I'm not gonna end up the way they wanted. Sorry this was a rant...

[@goshiiba7382]

I'm "the one who left" or specifically in my case kicked/shunned out of my family for rejecting my sibling's constant violence towards me. Would've liked to of heard more about that but it was only touched on for a min.

[@crystald8465]

You may want to check out Patrick Teahan's KZbin channel. I've dealt with some toxic family issues in which I was shunned as well. I found his channel to be helpful.

[@eulas1506]

This is like free family therapy for me and mine. And I’m so here for it. 🥺

[@imskylarmae]

That I need you at the end 👌🏽👌🏽… Antonio is def my favorite. He’s just so sweet and genuine and empathetic of Maribel.

[@KitCameo]

I think there's another type of "perfect" family member not mentioned, which is the one who was *supposed* to be perfect because they were the "gifted child," and the eldest kid and grandkid, and then just failed spectacularly to get anywhere near that goal whether they wanted to or not. (hi, it's me.) That's when you get the word "lazy" thrown in your face A LOT. I relate mostly to Pepa though, because I have her levels of anxiety, and the same dark circles around my eyes. Her storms are like physical manifestations of panic attacks. As far as a favorite character, that would have to be Luisa. She's incredibly strong, but not at all a bully, and even apologizes when she scares her sister. She has an immense amount of power, but is only concerned with doing good with it.

[@ZariDV]

I think she only mentioned specific roles that family members actually hold, not the expected roles others hoped they'd perform. So for you, they had expectations for you to have The Perfect One role but you didn't actually adopt the role and play the intended part. It's kind of like Bruno. Seeing the future is an incredibly powerful and useful gift that would have been expected to be "better" than the other gifts. But his predictions were all negative and he didn't get to hold the Perfect role. He became the disappointment, the one with wasted potential, the blight on the family. He gives me ex-gifted kid vibes; drowning in unfulfilled potential, desperately wanting to win the positive attention his gift should have awarded him, knowing his gift is still buried inside somewhere but unable to tap into it so he just hangs out all day entertaining himself and not using his gifts anymore feeling stuck in life and remaining stagnant while his ungifted siblings make strides and progress in life.

[@KitCameo]

@@ZariDV How dare you use Bruno to describe my life perfectly! 😂

[@ZariDV]

@@KitCameo Lol Bruno is that perfect representation for ex-gifted kids (and ADHD adults) everywhere. It's why he's my favourite. He's the Black Sheep who would have been The Golden Child if he'd lived up to their expectations. He didn't have Netflix and games to kill time with but the man somehow invented TV with rats and if that isn't an ex-gifted kid mood idk what is hahahaha. The man found a way to burn through a decade just chilling and entertaining himself. I think he's lowkey representation of the adult who never moved out, doesn't work, never got married or had kids, lives in the basement and spends all day eating and watching entertainment. And it's not because it's genuinely fun for him, but he's got a lot of crap to work through emotionally to get out of his rut and move forward in life. Boy do I relate to him.

[@hp6964]

I was always the shapeshifter/strong one but now knowing boundaries has made me the wall lol. I just try my best to brush off my family and their problems anymore. I realized quickly when I started therapy that it’s more about coping with the people around you than anything else especially when your trauma comes from said people. Great video ❤️

[@StephAnya]

The wall 😂 I’ve got to add that one next time. So glad that you’ve found some coping skills that work well for you. Family can be so triggering.

[@lindafranziskaseidenstucke1460]

I kind of interpreted the events taking place in the film as the magic choosing Mirabel as the new Matriarch of the family, because of her positive attitute towards changing the family dynamics for the better. Seeing as she wouldn´t exactly have been the one most likely to take up that role without intervention, as the fifth born out of six in her generation and considering that Abuela seemed to have been grooming Isabella into succeeding her as the Matriarch of future generations to come.

[@Ssophiahasgmail]

When my mom got sick it was really hard on all of us. She’s the matriarch, the house felt like it was falling apart without her. Thank God she’s better and back to being in charge. Overall, it was a real eye opener.

[@extravertedemily3908]

As a licensed Mental Health Therapist I just want to say keep up the good and fun work! I love your point of view and agree with it. Family dynamics are important and integrel to how people portray themselves.

[@joffrecueva6775]

Being latino and caring so much about my own identity is frustrating, I always feel very guilty and selfish when I choose myself over others, the worst is how my family thinks is right doing that :(

[@samm9151]

I come from a family of 8, including my parents, and we have an interesting combination of religion, culture, lgbtq+, and different genders and time periods of growing up. It’s so interesting breaking this movie down and seeing why we all love this movie so much. We all relate to a character on a deeper level and this helped explain why. I’m glad I found you! New sub from me. 😊

[@bcsdrayra1]

I love how you were able to be detailed and yet get straight to the point. Thank you!! Great vid!

[@racheljackson4428]

i adore the movie Encanto. the animation is outstanding, the story is complex, the songs are amazing.

[@mel9823]

This year makes 10 years since the matriarch of my family passed, my grandma, and you’re absolutely right. My family fell apart when she died and we haven’t been able to bring it back together. The older generation in my family (her kids, nieces, nephew’s) seem to just be okay with no trying to fix or reconcile with each other without being fake. While my generation (I’m 26) and the ones below us are trying our best to not loose connections with one another and help guide one another in a changing world cause majority of the elders in my family have come to grips with loosing their way & being stuck in their ways. Our generation realized that we have to be what our grandma was for us, for each other. So the part about loosing the head of the family hit hard.

[@marvin7738]

After watching your video, I feel like my family is composed of "Gossips" and "Patriarchs/Matriarchs". It's hard being the oldest sibling, and I feel like I'm the "Identified Patient" and my brother and sister is being the ones who's being praised while I'm here trying to make my parents appreciate me.

[@Mushysoda]

When I watched encanto i realized I related to both Luisa and Isabel. This video really helped me realize why. As the oldest sibling, not only do I feel like i need to protect and be strong for my younger siblings, but I also feel the need to be perfect and show a good example for them. This along with being labeled as a "gifted child" by my school and parents really conditioned me to feel like i couldn't show weakness when that really isn't the case. Now, since I have been seemingly perfect my parents feel like this new vulnerability and burst of emotions came out of nowhere when it had been there the whole time.

[@certifiedvampgf]

I'm so thankful you talk about balance. I've been in and out of therapy for the last ten or so years of my life and it's been impossible to find a good therapist because they refuse to see outside their Western perspective. My family is Mexican and in our culture, family is everything. I once had a therapist genuinely ask how being Mexican affects my family and I's life. She didn't understand why it would create a different perspective on life and how it would affect me growing up. Cultural competence is a must.

[@Lovenik77]

This is my first time watching you, and you literally just became my virtual friend in my head! I love this kind of conversation! Thank you for your excellence and expertise! 💕💕

[@Moeller750]

Luisa was definitely my favorite character. During Surface Pressure, I was simultaneously crying and laughing, because I know that feeling of who am I, if I can't carry it all so so well

[@phykoha]

While Bruno is my favorite character, I personally relate to Luisa the most. As an older sister with a younger brother, I feel like I had to grow up way faster because I was made to take care of him from a young age. I cooked most meals, I cleaned pretty much everything on my own, and I was basically a second parent.

[@brittnylaurel]

I totally agree with you and identified with Luisa’s character completely. I cried so hard during her musical scene

[@Stitchxavi]

@@brittnylaurel me tooooo

[@bibliophilelady6106]

I asked my husband who I would be and he chose Isabella. I was shocked and a little offended. Did he think I was just pretty? Her power wasn't even useful! But he told me it was because he thought I was selfless and would give up what I wanted most for the sake of my family if necessary to be of use to my family. I almost started crying.

[@briannadau]

Super super interesting breakdown! Love those little details you shed light on about the role of each family members

[@mida7777]

I love how you talked about this I can see that you are great at what you do and you genuinely care about other people and pay attention

[@pLanetstarBerry]

Yeah, I'm definitely The Distractor. It's just my first instinct to crack a joke under stress, something my more serious sister (I'd probably put her down as The Strong One) would always chide me for. Funny thing is, we always thought the other sibling was The Perfect One in our immediate family, due to a mixture of insecurities about our own lives. Like, she was the overachiever in school that got perfect grades and a full ride scholarship, I was the art/theatre kid that always had a passion project in the works. I always envied that schoolwork and social situations always came easy to my sister, at the same time my sister envied my drive to do creative projects and follow my own path. But after comparing notes (so to speak) we've started to recognize the other's strengths as hard work and dedication to what we're passionate about. I'm happy to say we have a healthier relationship as adults than when we were kids and we're both stronger people because of it.

[@rosabellavitaalvarez-calde5836]

In the movie, Camilo is also the one who seems the most down-to-earth and realistic (except that he is completely wrong about Bruno). I wonder if all his teasing to Isabella about Mariano is because he somehow knows that she isn't really into him. A lot of his behaviour can also be explained by the fact that he is a teenage boy going through a skinny, awkward phase where his immaturity is tolerated. I can imagine that in a few years he would be expected to suddenly grow up and start behaving like an adult

[@oddeyes9413]

Surface Pressure speaks to me as I have started to process the gaslighting, religious trauma, and overall trauma my family caused and is still causing. I'm actually moving to another state in a year or so - and not telling until I'm moving into the house. Just because I'm ready to cut ties. But, if they want to talk it out and try to repair things I'll be ready to listen, but I'm done making the first move. I'm not fixing the cracks they caused.