Fatherhood | S2E2 | Men's Round Table | A Black Love Series

EPISODE 2: FATHERHOOD
On this episode, Muhammad Nitito, DJ Damage, Marcus Tanksley and Rodney Rikai join the roundtable as Glen Henry poses the question of what are some challenges faced when becoming a father? And how do you thrive as one when you were not given the blueprint for it?
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[@haydensworld28]

I wish this was longer.. these conversations are so good! 🔥🔥

[@nca4794]

Man! I really wish Mo could've flushed out how he and the older kids' father worked out the title issue. To DJ's point, as parents you have to come to the realization of what's going to benefit the child and their development. I'm glad they reached a consensus. I don't think calling him Pops takes away from the boys' love for their biological father, and I'm sure it has helped to solidify the relationship they have with their stepfather. Great discussion- just cut short too quick!

[@mrscapricorn]

Ultimately, it should be up to kids and what they are comfortable calling the bonus parent. When that is established a conversation should follow with all the adults so the child can give their opinion and reasoning, hopefully all parties involved can come to some type of agreement or at the very least a better understanding! This was a great discussion gentlemen😁

[@AmarisLW]

Well said love.

[@HannahN473]

Totally agree with this!

[@karenlameo]

I have stumbled across black excellence and its so refreshing

[@candylove242002]

If the guy on the far right doesn’t want his kid calling another man dad or a variant of that…. Then he needs to get back with the mom and make it work. If you are co-parenting the door is open for another person to come in and fill a role. If you don’t want that as a possibility then the two people who made the kid need to make it work.

[@thatsthatPRChick]

Facts.

[@ed3523]

Right, he had all that positive to say about her in the last video but cannot be with her and now has a problem with his child calling another man dad.... that he left the spot open for someone else to slide in. Nah

[@thatsSWAGGERY]

Definitely not that simple and easy. I don’t want my kid mom and I’m sure eventually she’ll find someone else. I still don’t want my kid calling another man dad.

[@candylove242002]

@@thatsSWAGGERY this logically doesn’t make any sense. Emotionally it makes sense but if you are willing to make it work and figure it the difference then you only put the kid in harm way because of your ego.

[@thatsSWAGGERY]

@@candylove242002 it does logically more than anything. The kid is my seed and push come to shove dude can walk in and out the kid life without any repercussions whenever but the actual dad can’t.

[@jl9480]

Came for MarcusAintOnTheGram, stayed for the convo! Subscribed!

[@heather-vs9qe]

The guy made a point if you never had a father around, two dads with positive role models. Reinforced

[@lawestphilly]

Salute to all these kings. If your secure in your parenting your child calling someone else mom or pops won't bother you. My mom love and support my relationship I have with my stepmother . I have alot of elderly female role models and I call them mom as a term of endearment.

[@newkey1106]

I agree with the father that said it's all about the kids. If the kids live in the house with the married step parent he needs the help of, the father title. giving both father( parents respect.) The biological father must put that pride in the back and ride up front with the step father and raise a good black father for the next generation. Two is better then none!!!!!😃😏😊

[@jerryberry8967]

Right! Those of us who were raised by a step parent (a good one) know the gratitude and appreciation we have for them. He gave me the ick after those ignorant comments.

[@tricialewin6972]

Absolutely!

[@jaelysjourney]

I LOVED this conversation. Thank you for touching on healthy Co-parenting. I was definitely thinking Rodney was on one when he was talking about titles, but I am very unsettled with the idea of my son calling someone else mommy/mom/ma. For me, I think bonus-mom might be the only exception. There would need to be a distinction. I don’t think it’s crazy for kids to call their step parent a respectful parental title.

[@mesharuu8331]

I wish there were more converstions on healthy coparenting. Does Black Love already have a segment on that that I just happened to miss?

[@jebryanjackson]

You can tell the level of matureness in each persons views

[@fromkittytocat]

BIGGEST COMPLAINT: THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN LONGER 😅

[@kvonyajordan]

I LOVE THIS EPISODE!!!!! Bring them back for more conversations.

[@yparker02]

A much needed convo! I appreciate the raw, authentic feelings and perspective. In my opinion, in creating a blinded family, egos need to be worked through and set aside. Everyone should feel included if they're doing their part. Yes, it's okay for "step" to have a respectful title (i.e. pops vs dad, mom vs bonus mom, etc)

[@everythingalyb]

That ending! 😂😂😂😂😂 Love these conversations so much! 🖤

[@itssawida]

I loved the episode and especially all the povs in the last conversation! I'm 35 years into blended family life. Me and my siblings (and we include all of the combinations from step, half, etc.) call our parents a variety of 'titles' including some by their first name because of the age we were when our fathers and mothers divorced and were remarried. Respect, while measured by what one is called, is way more measured by how one is treated. I truly appreciate all of my parents for not being competitive and for dropping their egos as that's the only way our blended family could've ever worked.

[@Ayommari]

I absolutely loved this conversation and hearing all the different stories. That convo at the end is real. Dude on the right has a right to his feelings but he's the custodial parent right now and his child is 13 so he may not ever have to deal with his son calling another man dad. Dude on the left been there since the kids were little. It's different. However if he gets married, the woman may want to be considered a variation of mom if she is a mother figure to his son/s. So I wonder if he will feel the same way in that instance. Dope conversation though.

[@mslady215]

I had a similar situation with my son and his stepmom. I felt the same way at first when he started calling her Umi (I was like ABSOLUTELY NOT). Then I realized it was beneficial for him since all the other kids in their house were biologically hers and he would be the oddball out and made to feel as such just by calling her something different than what the rest of the kids called her, so I got over it (swallowed pride, dropped ego) and 18 years later I’m cooler with her than I am his dad.

[@2LipLuv]

I'm pretty cool with my son's step mother & I'm still leaning towards hell no 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Idk about me dropping the ego right now. At the same time, my son is 16 & his siblings are 5yo & younger. It's going to be different. Certainly something for me to think about. Thx for sharing!

[@mslady215]

@@2LipLuv oh trust me, I get it 😂 Especially at your son’s age to start now. It took me a while and my son was waaaaay younger

[@Kynx_Art]

Same outcome for me. I love their BonusMama

[@morganmurrell2951]

Excellent episode! Great to see differing views, while still being respectful of everyone's opinion.

[@electrofine1famous588]

Power, Pray, Push (Play, Academics, Sports) Prepare

[@wonderbutterfly3]

Dude on the end hasn’t reached that level of maturity yet , and that’s fine. His feelings are valid about titles and I would not be surprised if his viewpoint changes as he lives more of life.

[@Nyjaburkett]

Muhammed seemed like Murch in The Best Man movie 1 when he was being described as a “mall cop.” But man toward the end when he was talking about power 😅 he turned into Murch from Final Chapters 😂👏🏽

[@TheBenitaAngela]

I think, ultimately, what the kids want to calm their step parent should be up to the kids and the step parent. Cause they should feel confident and comfortable in that relationship. The fact that they call him a variant of Dad is indicative of his role to them, their relationship with him, & their love for him. I think it’s simple pridefulness that would make a father reject a Pops. The father should feel honored that his children have yet another father helping to guide and mold them. I also think it’s based on the relationships that the fathers have with one another. Also: that last example is a false equivalent. The argument isn’t that titles DONT matter, it’s that they DO matter and Pops should be honored and respected and loved on by the kiddos out loud.

[@bettabsure9480]

I completely agree with you!! 💯💯💯💯

[@TmkLOVE23]

Come on now I want more!!! You have to have a PT.2 YO this conversation was very helpful. .

[@mzzkeepitmovin6551]

Excellent episode ! The panel was just great!

[@thevision127media]

For someone who grew up with a step father I called him Sdad and still do even though my mom and him are divorced. Her new partner, I struggled with calling him anything other than his name until I started calling him Poppy. I think it hurts the step father if the child he cares about never acknowledges him as anything but his first name, especially when living together, but even that took me a long time to get pass. Eitherway, I feel like using a different iteration of the father name is fine as long as it’s not daddy or dad to the step parent. I would never disrespect my actual dad like that.

[@izmyster4815]

My girls call their fathers wife mom and honestly if they didn't feel comfortable enough to do that, that's when I would have a problem. They are comfortable and happy, period. It's a title, my position isn't dependent upon what they call another woman. My girls at the end of the day have a bond with me that is not contingent upon them having a bond with another woman. It's a blessing for the children to be covered in that way.

[@tamiko3812]

I really love this honest conversation about fatherhood and men being present in their children's lives.

[@Ladybugg1118]

I need more from this crew because I love all of them!! Great conversation!!!

[@BlackADHDcoach]

@tansksley tv has a podcast with another brother it's really good

[@yolandadesandies8419]

This should be an hour. The discussion was just getting into the life …

[@BusinessOfBeing]

I love this! EVERY relationship is unique. There are no general rules to parent. Each parent has to work out, talk through what is best for how they are going to live together and parent together harmoniously. Parenting is work. Relationship is work. Life is work. If you are not willing to put in the work in, you just might find yourself being old and bitter.

[@GleanLLC]

This is the VERY BEST SERIES OF ANY CONTENT YOU ALL HAVE CREATED! Incredible! Keep up the great work!

[@thefoundation7531]

This is the most essential round table conversation, especially with me going through a breakup with my children's mother!! Thank you for this... It's so many layers to this conversation that I'm currently processing... Once again thank you for all of yall brother's contributions as a black man in America who is flawed but resilient !! Much success to all of you!

[@lmlowemusic]

Kids calling another man dad is just another consequence of two adults having kids, and it not working out. This is where you put your pride aside and let the child form their own relationship and decide the nature of that relationship. Your kids have the power in this situation. You can't interrupt that or there will be resentment or a wall built by the kids. Put your pride aside.

[@Reeses710]

Another much needed conversation, love the different perspectives from the fathers!

[@her8923]

Like the mutual respect between these five Black men..thank you Sir.I couldn't imagine raising my children without my ex husband..

[@SaraSmiile]

Should definitely be up to the kids what they want to call them. My mom did the same thing with us, she asked us. And it was the same thing “pops”. If the bonus parent has a problem or issue about it I feel like it is then pride and ego on their part and not about what the kids want. Great conversations 👏🏾

[@gigicleanup]

I LOVE this conversation but there has to be room for each of us to feel what we feel without judgement or criticism. For those that feel it is okay to refer to the "3rd parent" as any version of mom or dad then great and for those of us that say absolutely NO, that needs to be okay too. As long as we can peacefully agree to disagree and find ways to make it work for the kids, I agree that..."titles matter."

[@AnanaParris]

What an excellent conversation. 👏🏾

[@arikosimariamiculet]

I believe it's important for the children and the step-parent to call themselves by the titles of the roles that they are playing in the day to do day lives. If the step-father is being a father to his stepchildren it should be okay to call him dad, and he can call his stepchildren his children it that's how he genuinely feels and acts towards them

[@2LipLuv]

This is so interesting. My son has a step mom and there's no part of me comfortable with him calling her mom. I'm listening intently to this!

[@paige1ne77]

Men chopping it up, not just black men… but men! The Lord is pleased!

[@dawnie2302]

Yes I think it's ok to call the step parent variations of mom or dad. I'm married and my adult son calls my husband Pops. This is something he felt comfortable with. Neither of us established how they would address one another it's something that naturally happen over time. I believe it was based on the relationship they established that made him look at him, felt comfortable and respected him as Pop's. It was my husbands actions in how he treated me and my son that earned him the title. It doesn't just happen automatically however my husband has children as well prior to us marrying where two of them call me mom and the other two address me by name.

[@MrsLadyA]

I have to to send Big ups to Mohammed, that’s a Full grown man! I agree with you 1,000% The way that you and DJ Damage weighted in on this is phenomenal. I have experienced this and think this def is something that needs to be touched on more in our community. I have no issue with my children calling anyone else Mom,etc. However, I went through things with my bonus daughters mom, similar to Mohammed.

[@DeeDee-tr8rv]

I need more of this conversation please!

[@camillialowe322]

When my mom got with my now stepdad I asked him if I could call him dad because I felt comfortable doing so. It should be the child’s choice for sure. My dad never an issue with me calling him that.

[@ge-rardhenry]

Cool dialogue - My mother remarried. He’s been in my life for many years. I sometimes referred to him as “Dad #2”. Interesting hearing a father’s perspective. Too bad the convo couldn’t continue!

[@EmparaGwaan]

“Soak & dip”😭😭 Loved this convo

[@Moni-er3mv]

These conversations need more time ❤❤

[@Nyjaburkett]

I call my younger siblings' dad by his name even though he raised me since I was in pk and most of my early memories involve him more than my own father. I think it just depends on the dynamic of the home, bc he & my mother never married, and he eventually got married to someone else but even now he still shows up for his kids that my mother and he shares, and it's always been a respect thing when I see him. ♥️

[@tyeshayecamille7643]

I love everything about this conversation!! We need more of it ♥️

[@berylallando]

Gentlemen this was a great conversation - Thank you😊 Variation of the name for the bonus parent is okay the ultimate goal is for the kid(s) to be brought up in the best possible way.

[@clairekitao4798]

This is such a great conversation i wish they were longer

[@SanityMustPrevail]

Over 200k subs and 26k views 1.6k like after 7 months.....make that make sense....Great convo. Great info!!!!!

[@kenyaleatham8535]

I never called a step parent anything but their name growing up. I also think being a parent means different things to different people.

[@charmsearing5043]

I don't care if my kids call someone else mom. If anything I'm happy to hear they build a close enough bond with their father's significant other, to even call them mom. Plus it doesn't change the love they have for me. I will always be their mother. Plus I don't see my child as "belonging to me" just because I gave birth to them.

[@carmellabrown3335]

Loved this episode. The ending was funny " F$@k No!". I disagree with his logic, but I understand his feelings.

[@thatsthatPRChick]

Why do black men like the one on the right RUN from providing and expect women to FUND their dreams??? For him to question a married man with a married wife who are both responsible about "what if she had done this or that", he brings nothing but audacity to the table.

[@matta6817]

It's good to have ambition but the dreaming is for the kids grown men should put wife and kids first, the dreaming is the side hustle that you work on when everyone is fed.

[@MIent1313]

Wow I almost thought DJ Damage was Romeo from the Steve Harvey show. Took me back

[@MobileHomeGeek]

This is so good

[@letsbeencouraged3074]

Loving these conversations with You Men & some 'very good' points were made ☺ Now in regards to Someone, in My case another Woman being called Mother, in the beginning that didn't sit well with Me at all. The conversation was had with My Daughter, I'm Your Mother not Her (wasn't jealous that She was with My Daughter's Dad, it was the Title thing for Me, because You see, I moved on & got married to a wonderful Man (Who passed away sad to say 🥺😪 8 yrs ago, I'm good & have a 'lot of peace' now) & My Daughter addressed Him as Daddy Billy or Billy (Everybody was cool with that, well at least in My household 🤷🏾‍♀). It took some time for it to sit well with Me, but very glad to say today, My Daughter addresses Her by name or saying Bonus Mom 😉 I'm still thee Mama, Ma, and/or Mother though after 36 years, ijs 😂 Looking forward to more good Content from Y'all ☺ ~Ms Sharon J~

[@Jtoon68]

I'm sharing this channel, for sure‼️👊🏽🙏🏽✊🏽

[@SanityMustPrevail]

Straight Bosses And Kings!!!!

[@GODSFAVORITEDAUGTHER]

I have no problems with it! It’s a bonus parent

[@Blackdadican]

The only question I have is.... Where are the new episodes?? We need more black men conversations ❤ ❤

[@quintinhudgens3329]

AWESOME, WE WANT MORE!!!!!!

[@lindseynoree]

omg!!! didnt know tank knew yall! awesome

[@koranwatson8996]

Well said and much needed conversation.

[@larosejules]

Excellent episode 💯💯

[@newkey1106]

This good for young black fathers, thks

[@Jonbutler89]

Needing prayer brothers 🙏.

[@carlosbradley2451]

definitely enjoyed this group.

[@astoldbymeek]

This was a great episode

[@brittanydawes9430]

I saw my lead Heffa and had to watch

[@roots4140]

What is that?

[@brittanydawes9430]

it would be who. and Marcus tanksley sr

[@dayhop3257]

Let Us Tell it!!!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@BarnesBarnes-uy7zr]

THANK YOU!!!!

[@biggmonie]

I dated a man with a very young child and parents really need to.take into consideration the step parent more

[@nunyabusiness3516]

Your child calling a man who is good to their mother and respectful to the kids "pops" shouldn't affect the bio dad. Those kids are blessed. Now if they are calling some deadbeat any version of dad, that's a different story.

[@tierramonique]

Telling your kids not to call the bonus parent mom or dad will cause friction in the relationship with their bonus parent. Once you split from their father or mother then you no longer have power to say anything regarding titles. It may bruise your ego for a little bit but your child is forming a new relationship with their bonus parent. If that parent is being a great provider and example for your kid then what's the problem? Your relationship with your kid(s) will not suffer because they choose to call them Mom or Dad. You have to grow up and put your pride to the side. I felt some kind of way too when my kids started to call their Dad's wife Mom, but I had to check myself. When you can be mature about it , then your kids will learn how to be mature in uncomfortable situations. You can continue to be a good example for them or you may cause a rift in your own relationship with your kid(s).

[@mackbzo5591]

Honestly from a point of view of the hands on active experience perspective wholeheartedly of this episode its the that people that submit their comment without context checking as far as typos that feel like they are entitled to be in the right about speaking on who’s on the left on the right who spoke first or last smh I genuinely feel like we should all voice our opinion as one agree to disagree if that’s what it takes not a soul in the interview or comments spoke about how all this maybe the white man planning or knew we’ll be this way towards one another.IJS

[@jasminpou-reed9238]

the fact that he end it with "fuck no". aahahahahahhaahaa

[@lynntw743]

This was good! 😂

[@OMGitsTEETEE]

That Jergens bottle tho!

[@heather-vs9qe]

Wow thats great..my husband was a dead beat dad..😢😢😢

[@mariahlivingston8054]

I think pride and ego is a trap. If you think that its disrespectful that your child is calling another man daddy or pops then you haven't properly looked within. It has nothing to do with disrespect its has everything to do with hurt feelings. You feel replaced and that's ego and self esteem and very personal at best. No one can replace you as a father biologically or in presence SINCE you are present AND so is someone else. Who is with those kids morning night and evening. Raising those kids as his own kids. As that womans husband, he stepped up and fathered them. So he is too their dad or pops. And its honestly kinda of selfish to try and sabotage a connection between your child and his step father because you're scared your child might mentally try and replace you. And as a man of God we know that we don't operate outta fear. Any way love you guys and praying for you all.

[@wonderbutterfly3]

Yay, Tank!

[@DeeDee-tr8rv]

Thank you for stating we are not single parents when we are co parenting! I dislike the term single mom!

[@thekaerichtexas]

King heiffa!!!!

[@ms.example9342]

I can relate to the guy w/ parental class needs not b/c it's my life, the resources should be used & I'm hearing it's been a ditch day over there maybe the dispute is that ppl that aren't trying to conceive are the only ones that learn from them

[@marie-e.dejean1093]

Soak and dip! 😂

[@luckyboozworld]

So for me, I do not mind that they have a variation. Now I would feel away if it was the same name for both fathers. However, one as daddy and the other as Pops makes sense.

[@Sheherhis]

The man to the right with the scarf around his neck and purplish pinkish shirt is living from ego in his parenting style. Which usually is the case when people come from dysfunctional parental connections. Dad never around. It benefits our children to be able to think of others as bonus parents!

[@bettabsure9480]

I agree, he's definitely speaking from an egotistical point of view.

[@roots4140]

It's a case by case basis. Dude in the scarf is the custodial parent with the mother on the other side of the country... and a woman he didn't even know. It's different than this man who is married and raising his wife's kids in his home.

[@AS-eq2qm]

Dad hush 18:00 he was just proud and wanted to show you off...🙃

[@ed3523]

If I am a single Father then it will need to be a different iteration of Dad.... not Daddy, Dad. I'm cool with Pops, if that man love and cares for my babies with his whole heart and would do what I would do for them cause I'm not around. I'm good with it but him and I need to have a relationship as well to make sure we are on the same page in terms of expectation and our imprints on the kids. No you will not spank my baby, but they have to respect you.

[@tanabelndagurwa]

Phenomenal discussion highlighting an important message on our uniqueness as people of African descent; yet our unity and respect in it all. Grateful for each contribution made to see this come to life and declaring purpose and abundance in the movement's future endeavours.

[@redkelly000]

How you want to fight a man because he doesn’t want his kids to call you pops lol that’s wild. I would somewhat understand if he was an absent father but it sounds like they have joint custody.

[@amark8786]

HEY MEN 👋🏿👋🏿👋🏿

[@PanSlayah]

The only time that kid should be calling his step parent dad is if his father is inactive and has been for a long time. Ultimately, that comes down to the mother and her level of respect for the biological father. If she respects the father, he could be absent for any reason. She won't have her child calling another man daddy or anything remotely close.