feeling guilty for his best friend's death

i talk with Santino about his experience dealing with his best friend's suicide.
this video is not monetized but if you would like to show support please consider donating to the suicide prevention charity in the youtube fundraiser.
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🌏 Goodnight Moon

[@SheamusDevin]

The worst part about your friend dying is when you realize the world is just gonna keep going, it doesn't make sense when your world is shattering around you. I hope that dude gets access to therapy and has good people around him

[@raidengoodman8754]

Absolutely agree. When someone close to you dies you don’t feel like eating, you don’t feel like drinking, you don’t feel like going outside cause you feel guilty enjoying these things while that person can’t anymore

[@craigbee]

Agreed. I also found it hard to see how quickly people started talking about him in the past tense, and saying RIP. It didn’t feel real to me for weeks/months.

[@NJtheawesome]

Not just friends. Anyone whenever someone close to you dies it feels like the world slows down and almost stands still, yet you still see the night fall and the morning rise and as you move on from the loss the world proceeds to move faster. I think the hardest thing to process is the fact that the world never stop, the birds will continue chirping, cars continue to drive, accidents still happen, and the fact that most people don’t give two shits. It’s hard to wrap your head around and to some extent I’m still trying to get over my losses years later.

[@randomshit65]

Hell yea man…. It feels like life’s moving forward while you friend gets left back . Still trips me out everyday I can’t call him or hear his voice calling me a dumbass

[@craigbee]

@@randomshit65 totally. I still have vivid dreams about him to this day. Feels amazing to hear his voice and give him a hug, if I’m honest.

[@k0y]

damn, really felt that when he said "I don't ever want to be at a point where I don't care anymore"

[@EZ-IZZY1995]

Lowkey at the point. And I know people will say "just get help, just tell someone." But at a certain point, you really do become a burden on others. At some point, people get tired lifting you up all the time. It's exhausting to deal with. I know because I've been on both sides. At some point, people wonder "when are they gonna get over it?" And you wonder "how much longer do I have to hang on?"

[@ForeverTakenKeys]

@@EZ-IZZY1995 aye man I was just about to comment about the same shit as you. Shit really is exhausting. Like you I lost my brother when I was 12 and I have never been the same since, and the worst part is that it happened the day before my birthday. Birthdays haven’t and never will be the same, and the worst part is that my family wouldn’t even tell me when it happened. I get that they were protecting me on some level to not ruin that last birthday, but it wouldn’t have mattered, shit would have still been the same. Then I lost my grand parents, then my uncle. It was all within a year or so period. I don’t even remember and I do feel bad about that, but can you blame me, I was 12-14 loosing half my family. But dude I’m here to talk if need be you can shoot me a pm somehow. Shit is never “too much” if they care about you man. And if anything try and find an outlet. Rap has been mine since I was 19 I’m 25 now and finally want to put out my music because I fully feel confident. I’m writing a song partly about suicide because I really do think that’s what my brother was dealing with, but its also like dude was talking in the video, to keep him alive forever. Shit is hard dude, but there are always people to talk to. I’m here, I’m sure there is someone immediate within your circle too. Have a good one if we never talk, but there are people that care, seriously you are never to much, and if you are “too much” then that person just doesn’t care.

[@EZ-IZZY1995]

@@ForeverTakenKeys I appreciate that bro. And I'm sorry you've gone through so much. I'm glad you're still here bro. I produce beats and it really doesn't help with mental health. It's a good form of expression. If you ever want to send me something or collab or whatever I'd be more than happy to do that. I genuinely appreciate you reaching out. I've been working in a career field that's been draining mentally and physically, but comments like yours get me through the day.

[@antacid5876]

“I just wish he wasn’t dead, man, he was my dawg.”

[@santinovrr]

that was my fuckin dawg bro@@antacid5876

[@DanteArisen]

My brother died last year, and my world shattered. Just overnight he was gone. Going to work was one of the most brutal things I ever had to do. Watching people act as if nothing had happened, my world was collapsing all around me, and yet seeing these people laugh and joke as if it was another day destroyed me just as much as his death did. Realizing how insignificant you are to the bigger picture is one of the biggest mind fucks around.

[@iCareification]

Mate, I got you. I’ve lost my brother too and the hole inside of me will never be restored. We need be strong throughout the journey of life, for our brothers. The most effortless task can feel like climbing a mountain without any equipment. I was out for weeks, months.. Couldn’t progress at all and my mindset was frozen. That’s the worst part, how you feel and see the world. Feeling how the world shrinks and all I could think about was death, loss and grief. I only saw myself lying in bed. Waiting for nothing. But I took my time. I did not give a flying f about the people around me and what they said about me. I did what I had to do. I reached out for new music, movies and content like this and more ofc to get my shit together. Regain focus, try to pop the bubble around us and breath in life and light within yourself again. I’m pretty sure our brothers wants us to have a good and healthy life. Never blame yourself if you need to rest and lay down from now and then. This is not something you just forget over the years, a loss of a person. You trying to live it through. Focus. Sharp up. Listen. My chest started to crumble when I read your comment but buddy, we can do this.

[@DanteArisen]

@@iCareification I ended up losing my job and didn't work for months. Thankfully my wife has been my rock and has been able to help me cope with everything. Sometimes it still feels like I'm living a dream and I'll wake up and be able to talk to him again, but then I remember the casket, how cold and hard his body felt, the screams of my mother. I try and live everyday trying to make him proud of me, hoping he's looking down with a smile and not a frown. Everyday is a struggle, but it's one I can't afford to lose and keep fighting everyday to be better. Thank you for sharing your pain.

[@SirReptitious]

You THINK you understand how insignificant you and your brother are, but you have NO idea... Everyone and everything in the universe is equally insignificant. Your brother died, yet your family goes on. Entire families die in car accidents, yet the city they lived in goes on. Hiroshima and Nagasaki were nuked off the fucking map, yet Japan continued. Asteroids have hit Earth multiple times wiping out most life, yet Earth continued. Every day thousands of stars go novae or supernovae wiping out life on it's planets or completely destroying them, yet our galaxy continues. One day trillions of years from now, every star will be dead, every black hole will have evaporated. All the matter and energy that existed in the universe will be so diluted with empty space in between each atom that nothing will ever be able to form again. There will never be any happiness or misery again. Everything that was ever accomplished by any species anywhere will have been lost forever. And that is how the universe will be for an infinite amount of time. So you will understand when I laugh whenever a mere human pretends that the universe just ended when something happens in their life that they don't like. Your friend made a choice that you didn't like. How long do you think you would last if I had the power to make all the decisions in your life before you killed yourself? People who bitch and whine about what other people do with their lives really need to have all autonomy taken from them until they can attain even the tiniest sense of humility......

[@snooziblu]

LMAO good riddance

[@DanteArisen]

@@snooziblu Your comment is deleted, so you might not even be able to see this, but I'll type it anyway. I hope you never lose someone close to you, I hope you don't have to feel the pain and despair of losing someone you've known your entire life. Though your passing is another story. I know no one will mourn you, no one will miss you, and your name will be forgotten in time quicker than a fart in a hurricane. I'm glad your family will never feel the despair of losing a loved one, because I doubt anyone has ever loved you enough to hug you, much less teach you decent moral values. I'm grateful that your family will be able to live as if you never existed. So you can continue your trolling and getting an angry reaction from people to get your kicks off, but it brings me peace knowing you'll die alone, unloved and no longer being a burden on your family, the people who actually matter.

[@teslatonic]

"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle I can't even imagine what it's like to go through something like this, to have part of your soul die.

[@jaytoogood2820]

That's a very cool quote man, thank you

[@crimsondynamo615]

Damn that’s actually a great quote. I have a friend that I feel the same way about, couldn’t think to live without him. We really are like soul brothers or some shit.

[@HamsterPants522]

@treeghettox That's not really a question anyone can answer for you. The idea of "what is a soul" is very personal, and you gotta figure out what it means to you.

[@marcusdonahue7124]

@@HamsterPants522 theres nothing wrong with asking the question, that's how we figure out we're not alone in our wandering and wondering

[@HamsterPants522]

@@marcusdonahue7124 I never said they were wrong to ask.

[@jayrod420]

Me and his friend got alot in common, down to the dot. It almost feels like a fuckin sign, i was thinkin about my homie whos been down lately and then this video pops up like 10 minutes after i started thinkin about it. Ima keep my homies in check now after having watched this.

[@lordnavaljuice1288]

watch them like a hawk, tell them you love them

[@alandotson6388]

This hit me really hard. I lost my best friend to drunk driving. I’ve blamed my self for it for years. He went home “sick” from work(we worked together) and I let him use my car to drive home but told him to pick me up for my lunch break. Well he went home, drank a whole bottle of vodka and was late to pick me up and the biggest regret was texting him kinda being a dick telling him not to worry about getting me. He rushed to get me and crashed and died. I live with it everyday.

[@xxCandyMan20x]

No need to blame yourself bro it was his choice to down a bottle of vodka. He was in no state to get in the car even if it was an emergency he would have to get someone else to drive

[@TheBiggestMoronYouKnow]

That sounds like a constant weight on the soul 😔

[@joecook1989]

You can never blame yourself. Unfortunately, your friend’s fate was sealed the moment he downed a bottle of vodka and got into a car. He made the decision to drink and drive, and if he survived, he likely would have continued to live that way until he got someone else killed (which is usually the case). Sorry for your loss, but HE is the only one to blame for his own horrible decision. Again, sorry, God bless, and be well.

[@emy8555]

That's an unfortunate series of events...my sincere condolences for your loss. It must've been hard on you. Maybe still is hard. You may tell yourself "if I didn't let him take my car that day" or "if I didn't send him that message" or "if I didn't ask him to pick me up" etc etc, but at the end of the day everything that you did would've been completely fine and normal if he hadn't been drunk. You didn't know that he was gonna be that drunk, or that he was gonna crash, you didn't foresee the danger, so it wasn't your fault. On a normal basis, it's completely fine and normal or be a dick to our best friend, heck, we ain't best friends if we aren't dicks to each other often times. It was just an unfortunate situation, and far from it being your fault, you're in fact the victim of a cruel world for taking your friend away from you. You, just like his family grieving, are the victim. It's absolutely not. your. fault. I hope you break free from the shackles of guilt and blame someday, and allow yourself to simply grieve the loss of someone dear to you, and i hope that you find happiness In life.

[@alandotson6388]

I really appreciate every one’s kinds words, be kind to one another and remember to tell your family and friends how much you love them every day

[@stevens.286]

13:35 I agree. It is sicken when people act like that; when they talk about how great someone is only after he or she is gone. The alligator tears and the played-up compliments about said person. They pretend that they had a better standing with/opinions of that person than they really did. Anyone else feel that others use the death of a person to boost their social status/self-image?

[@randlecycling2462]

They just do it for attention because they are empty inside.

[@kevinjacobson874]

It’s called virtue signaling

[@kakashi6957]

They always do they never truly understand what your really going through they just see It as an opportunity to gain a better self imagine even family members do it never trust anyone else when it gets real other than yourself and keep your psyche

[@thefox7427]

A friend of mine unalived later that same day he dropped me off from school. People we used to make fun of showed up to his wake and cried or spoke words about how much he meant to them. I felt the exact way Santino did. It all felt fake.

[@CarbonatedGravy]

I’m sure it happens that way too, but you never know what that person meant to those you perceive as grandstanding. I think we all have people in our lives we haven’t talked to for awhile or don’t outwardly seem close to, but have good memories with and would be hurt to hear they’re gone.

[@PenitentHollow]

I had a friend murdered in high school. I wasn't as close to him as I would have liked to be but we were lab partners at the time of his death and we were growing closer. What really struck me after his death was how many girls came forward claiming to have been his girlfriend. I don't think he was actually with all of them, or any of them for that matter, but everyone seemed to want to be connected to him some how. He was very gregarious and charming so he was popular but not like the *plastic* kind of popular. Everyone who knew him loved him but he was murdered by his "best friend" who turned out to be a psychopath who wanted to know what it was like to kill someone. I still haven't made sense of that. I remember turning up to school the next day and there were news vans every where. They interviewed me and my friends before we had even had a chance to begin processing. Talking to the news didn't make it feel real. Even the announcement from the principal that morning didn't make it feel real. But when I got to shop class where we were supposed to be building a pop bottle rocket together it finally became real. I completely broke down realizing that he was actually gone. I had to go and talk to the counselors they had arranged. In the end I decided to finish the rocket we had designed together, even though the teacher gave me an automatic A, it was pretty fucking metal but it didn't fly well at all. I'm amazed how much of this I remember like it was yesterday, even though it was over 20 years ago. I wish I didn't have to write this. I wish he and I had become better friends as we were well on our way. I just wish he was still here I guess... sorry for rambling.

[@St4r_Z0mb13]

No...thanks for sharing this.

[@crimsondynamo615]

The fact you still finished the rocket, even after the teacher was gonna give you an A, shows you still cared about your friend that you finished the project on principle. Thank you for telling your story.

[@joseibarra7735]

I could imagine this so vividly, I hope you’re doing well man.

[@mrchiefbs]

Lost my bro to an OD in 2020. He was like a father figure to me and not a day goes by where I don't think of him and listen to the music we made together. Lost my closest online friend to suicide in 2017 too. Death is around us so much. The guilt lessens but you always think about what could have happened and if you could have done something differently. That won't go away and I hope it doesn't. I have to keep the memories.

[@ThatOneCanadianKid]

Hits hard sorry for your loss, lost a broi in march from the same thing shit ain’t easy

[@santinovrr]

Rest in peace to your fallen brothers, the memories dont go away. it gets easier. life will get smoother. you got this

[@connormurphy6854]

I cried throughout this video because one of my friends in high school did the same thing. I feel the parts of guilt and confusion to this day, 8 years later. I wish this guy the best, and hope Jess is looking down on his best friend.

[@santinovrr]

Jesses mom got this thing tattooed on her arm that id never seen before, some sort of figure. she said it represents Jesse. Never seen that thing before in my life and since then i see them everywhere. The most random places dude, like seriously in the middle of the desert ive seen little metal sculptures of the figure. Its the craziest thing to me but I know it means hes still around. Your homie is still with you too, hes not going anywhere!

[@renierbarnard2999]

2 years 4 months 17 days It hasnt really improved for me yet

[@Snarl_Marx]

I lost my boyfriend to suicide when I was 18. It's been 10 years since it happened. In retrospect, I saw all the signs. But hindsight is 20/20, as they say. Still, I blamed myself and it fucked my shit up for a long time. I relate to the feeling of not wanting to forget. And for better or worse, you never do. But it gets, for lack of a better term, easier. You stop focusing so much on the grief and the pain, though it does creep up on you from time to time. But slowly all those negative feelings and associations get replaced by the important stuff - their smile, their laugh, their everything Cheesy as it is, the people we love never really leave us as long as they live in our hearts and minds.

[@eenraregozer]

❤️

[@santinovrr]

Rest in peace to him

[@eerieyellowlights]

The Goodnight Moon room made this hit so much harder for some reason.

[@MaryEllenKatz]

That damn fireplace crackle really lays out the gravity of the story.

[@spitspttv]

Goodnight mouse

[@youraverageguy7842]

Yes

[@tbreezy6065]

When he was talking about living together and then said “can’t happen” that held a lot of meaning

[@cryptidjpg]

a girl from my school committed suicide and everyone always wondered why. she was so happy and had lots of friends and had a bright future. i've dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts as long as i can remember, but even then i thought to myself, "i can't imagine ever reaching the point where i'd seriously consider doing that." these past three years i've come extremely close a few times. then i come across stories like this and think about the people i'd leave behind and the things i'd miss. if i went through with any of my plans, there would be so much good shit i'd never see. right now i've been struggling, but i have my girlfriend and a few upcoming shows/movies that are keeping me going. i actually have a list i keep with me, and every day new things come along that i add to it. anyway, thanks for this video. i hate to make someone else's tragedy into something to use for my own personal reasons, but i feel for his friend and i wanna keep going not just for the people i love, but for him.

[@greenbambooman]

i have tears in my eyes... oh man, it's so true

[@BrodeMaster]

Stay strong friend and never be afraid to reach for help from loved ones or from a therapist. Take care of yourself!

[@RudyMemes]

One of my best friends died when he decided that life wasn't worth living anymore. He thought his parents hated him and that he was a loser with no friends. Our group of friends drove for four hours to get to the funeral. The whole town was there. The whole town was crying their eyes out in the church for him. Not only them, he had so many friends, the whole church was packed. We actually had to sit outside because there was just too many people. His parents were broken, they couldn't even speak. And it hurts me that had he seen this kind of support while he was alive, he would probably still be alive today. That's why they tell you to say "I love you" as often as you can. You can save someone's life if you let them know that your love is real

[@jarr3tt]

I lost my best friend soon after we graduated highschool. I’m 37 now & I think about him everyday. It gets easier as time goes on.

[@eezium]

That must have been very difficult and surreal for you, hope you are doing okay. I admire your strength man.

[@wizkid2974]

fuck dude, the same thing happened to me. i’m only 19 but i hope you were able to grieve and mourn properly.

[@shaZzy021]

True

[@santinovrr]

fuck im glad its gotten easier for you, really sorry man thats terrible. Good to know ill really never forget, thats like 30 years and you havent forgotten thats fucking beautiful dude. I bet he was the best.

[@milleymaguire2013]

My best friend died 10 years ago. You'll never forget him. I can still hear his voice, I still have dreams where he shows up and hangs out. I miss him everyday. I wish I had done more for him but when you're young you don't always know what to do or if they are serious, you don't think you or your friends can die, until one of you does. I'm sorry you have to hold that guilt but you aren't alone.

[@outstandie]

I lost my brother a little over a year ago to suicide. I hope I never stop grieving either

[@Vuohipukki]

Sorry for your loss man

[@LukSter18998]

damn

[@4mviews1yearago81]

Same brother coming up too 2 years

[@santinovrr]

you'll never forget about him, you'll always be able to cry about him. I've learned we have ability to care about someone even if they're gone forever, we can still care forever. He's always gonna be with you, forever.

[@ultrazasha]

I hope Santino is able to forgive his kid self. It's fucking awful to constantly battle with guilt. Hopefully he'll show his past self some understanding. Death as a topic is so tough to talk about because most people who haven't been faced with it tend to shut down the conversation by trying to say "the right thing", but I think in cases like these it's better to take the feeling seriously. It's a serious situation with intense fucking feelings, who gives a fuck what the correct way to feel is. All you have to work with is how you feel and you can't help how you feel. Fuck it, accept that you feel guilty and look at what happened. You did all you were able to do, all you KNEW to do. That's all you could've done, and it wasn't enough and that's FUCKED, but it's real. Give the grief a place and know that he will always be with you, the grief burrowed him into the heart. Good luck.

[@clarity425]

this is real. thank you for telling me what i needed to hear.

[@EcoJulie-vx6rx]

This hit me hard, I been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since high school and I’m 21 and nothings changed and know exactly how I’m going to do it . It’s so hard for people I know who don’t understand the way I am if there not me. I haven’t pursued it cause I know it would create a domino effect of hurt w my family, and my partner especially, but that’s my reason I’m still here. If that relates to you, Keep going! you feel like shit but that’s the challenge and you made it this far and I’m fucking proud of you! Don’t stop accomplishing things for yourself and please find and talk to a therapist (I stopped going to mine but someday I’m gonna force myself to reach out again even though I feel ridiculous). ❤️

[@milleymaguire2013]

I believe in you. You can go back again. You're not alone and it sounds like a lot of people care about you. I'm a random person on the internet but I can tell you from experience they want you here and they want you to get help. I hope you do. 💛

[@Violet_Thing]

It really is comforting to know you're not alone, thinking and planning those kind of things. It's so easy to see everything against you, which is why my best friends and family mean so much to me, and having them support and be as understanding as they can. They really are the only reason why I'm still here and doing my best to get help. I spent so long, being pretty much alone and never would have thought I could make connections like that, so whatever you do, don't give up. You'll find them eventually and you will learn how to deal with those feelings and be able to enjoy life again. I wish everyone reading this good luck with whatever comes their way.

[@reedy_9619]

I feel like a fucking coward either way. Pretty much hate every second of the day sometimes. Can barely get my shit together enough to do anything but fuck myself up.

[@yur1831]

@@reedy_9619 Man you need to reach out ASAP, one year ago I was in the same shit you are in now but my friends luckily forced me to call for help and now I can't think I would have taken my life less than 12 months ago. Do it, call for help, do it now

[@JAtkins1987]

Julie, Reading your comment took me back to my 20s. That whole decade was like that for me. Suffocating depression, desire to die, the planning.. eventually the attempts, and going in and out of the psych ward. There were days that all I could do was stay in bed and doing mundane tasks felt like moving through sand. I had been in therapy for years. The cycle just didn't stop. Finally, I got off those medications that made it worse, and committed myself to serious help. It didn't stick for a long time, but something along the way changed. I wish I could give you a precise way, but there isn't. But having to reverse years of bad habits and ways of thinking was crucial. It is difficult, but as long as you are trying, even if it appears unsuccessful, keep at it. The person I am now is so different. It makes those years seem far away and unreal. Claw your way up if you have to, but don't end it. Please don't. I don't know you, but I love you. Please live, find peace, reach from the depths to God. Then, you will be a light to others.

[@aphrodite9675]

I’ve said this before and ik others have too, you would NEVER know that the happiest person most organized most perfect seeming person was depressed cause they’re hiding it. They’re trying to keep everyone else happy when they werent even happy theirselves. Depression sucks and is so hard to talk about.

[@lordnavaljuice1288]

true shit, real talk.

[@helpsnag3903]

I can count all my friends with one hand. Every once in a while we hang out at one of their garages and just drink. We talk about college, work, and life. I think this keeps me sane sometimes, and I can't imagine one day that one of them won't be sitting in that chair, or bring that nasty space dust drink. Brotherhood is a beautiful thing man.

[@simonmartin8962]

I cried like a bitch the hole video, have a few attempts on myself, thankfully nothing serious, decided I was gonna stick it till the end. Hearing this I just thought of my friends and family, specially my mom, still crying thinking about my close ones. Right now I would never even dream about it, but remembering what I was going through and how it would affect people that I genuinely love. Couldn’t take it, had to finish listening when I was alone, I’m between sad and mad. Don’t kill yourself, it’s never only you who you’re killing.

[@reedy_9619]

That’s at least one of the reasons i made up. Cant continue reading gotta do stuff and im fucking crying rn. Cowardice...

[@nathanielparrish9716]

Well i am glad you are still here

[@Indicuhbb]

You ain’t best friends if y’all haven’t hate each other first Rip his friend 💜

[@dangerzara]

Wrong

[@racccccc]

This ain't the video to gatekeep man chill

[@boxedlife789]

@@racccccc hes not gatekeeping, its not that deep

[@w4ffel]

Sometimes your soulmate is a friend like Jessie. Thank you for sharing your story, dude.

[@Imjak47]

Suicide is so scary. The movies and TV shows always make you feel like you would be able to see it in a person and just know but in reality you don’t. I had a friend I made when I was in this program, we used to chat and have fun around the building . Two weeks after the program ended another one of my friends found his obituary, he ended his own life and I still have no idea why. There wasn’t a single second where I considered he would do something like that. It’s chilling

[@allietheunicat8192]

A friend of mine killed himself over a year ago, I don’t have a single picture of him. So now I take pictures and videos of everybody and everything. I’m so scared of forgetting people’s faces, their voices, the nuances of their body language, the vernacular they use. It changes you.

[@MrBosunDog]

I dont regret telling the parents of my Ex that she was self harming. I only regret I didn't do it way sooner she needed the help and no matter how much 16 year old me loved her and wanted to help her I couldn't. her feeling betrayed and hating me after was a hard pill to swallow but she's alive and healthier today she even thanked me for speaking up years later.

[@Avvura]

Love to hear that man

[@aurumjuice8843]

Honestly, I've had something like that happen to me but with an online friend. I fully know and relate to how they feel, and honestly, I hope that they don't lose anyone else to suicide.

[@TyrannicalCannibal]

These videos are amazing Syrmor. Please never stop making them. This is such a one of a kind channel.

[@CM-rm3xj]

100%

[@auron._.8868]

A coworker and close friend of mine passed away a few years ago. It always played at my head how it seemed liked no one there really cared, but I could barely stomach working there anymore. Love you bud, miss ya.

[@dutchvanderbilt9969]

I remember once when I was a bit younger I put a gun to my head but I couldn't bring myself to pull a trigger. I chose to keep going to spite the whole world and everyone in it. If you need a reason to go on living well then there's your reason right there.

[@sunnivamhagatun]

i’m super scared of this happening to one of my friends without me being able to do anything. thing is, sometimes you don’t see the signs. a person could seem like they’re happy as can be and doing amazing, even though something is very wrong on the inside, and that’s terrifying. this poor guy should not feel guilty, he was just a kid and didn’t really understand the situation before it was too late. i hope he has good people around him to talk to, and i wish him the best❤️

[@lee8287]

This hit me hard. I lost so many friends to heroin, and going on without them is a nightmare I wake up to every day. But I gotta live for all of us.

[@thedayzgod]

This kid is the only one that has ever said anything about your cameras I fucking love it the comedic timing of it was just gold

[@aaronparmeter1759]

i hope he can eventually realize that not telling anyone isnt something he should blame himself for. You cant expect yourself as a kid so young especially to know what to do in that situation. wishing him the best

[@Djoarhet001]

There's something really powerful to these type of videos. Amazing that this man can tell his story in this way, however heartbreaking it is.

[@hernando1996]

He's a cool dude, hope he can still find much love in this world

[@Vuohipukki]

I just feel like shit listening to this, to hear how it feels to him. The pain will never truly go away but please bro take care.

[@Peroxide-Mark]

Its so beautiful, his friends memory will forever be alive with him just by how much he can recall about him. I lost a close friend to suicide last year, its one of the worst things ever

[@lordnavaljuice1288]

I love you, life is a roller coaster. Remember it gets better.

[@loganlee5875]

And just like that, Santino rights a wrong from the past. He didn't save his friend. But he saved many of ours.

[@santinovrr]

every time I read this it helps me, thank u man.

[@loganlee5875]

​@@santinovrryou are very welcome, friend.

[@kozmo617]

I started telling my friends I love them after a friend told me he attempted suicide. Really put things into perspective

[@norris5754]

This video inspired me to go and talk with my childhood friend. He'd always catch shit for no reason, but I thought he was cool. I haven't talked to him since 8th grade! I hope all is well with him.

[@nozzzzy]

I had a close ish friend from work who killed himself about 4 years ago. He was the happiest dude you'd ever met, always laughing and brightened up the backroom at work every day. He used to come over to my house and smoke weed with me a couple times a week, seriously nicest guy I'd ever met. I had left that job and a few months later I stopped into the store to buy something and saw him so I went over to say hi and shoot the shit for a bit and he didn't really wanna chat, he just seemed angry and frustrated which was unusual. I chalked it up to a rough day at work or something and I left. He shot himself in the face with a shotgun the very next morning. That fucked me up. Knowing I'd just seen him less than 24 hours ago, picturing what was probably an awful, horrible mess in his room or his brother tonsee when he found him. I still think about that... his exploded head. It fucks me up to this day thinking about it like how can you not imagine it yknow? I felt so bad, I felt guilty like Mayne I could have invited him over that night to smoke and have a good time, maybe that would have altered his course in life. Idk though, I'll never know because it's too late now. It reminded me of Robin Williams and how happy he seemed and then that happens like you'd never expect it. It's been 4 years and it still fucks me up, man. The world was better with him in it and now it's got 1 less dude to brighten up the place and that just makes me depressed. Thanks for what you do, Syrmor.

[@MaryEllenKatz]

I was NOT expecting this guys story to bring tears to my eyes.

[@novexp]

Thank you. I really appreciate yall sharing this.

[@byrnesdubc]

Always enjoy these. Amazing deep dive into the harsh realities we face each day, in a medium that is the future.... You're creating some amazing history here

[@abagofmilk1677]

Dude, I have a Best Friend named Jesse I met in grade 4, like none of this has happened to me, but this resonates with me, it is something I am definitely gonna be thinking about, I am so sorry for your loss man, I don't know what I would do if my Jesse died, literally we had almost the same aspirations it was really surreal to hear all of that and then he said "Jesse" that hit me bro, I wish you the best Santino.

[@santinovrr]

what a great name for a great friend

[@jepulis504]

There's something about these videos, even that humorous bit in the end man.. fuuuuuuck this one just hit close to my heart and life. Thank you for sharing!

[@marine_seal4567]

I love hearing stories like these not that there sad but it really shows emotion and growing up I was full of it and now I'm just hollow it's truly an art

[@gabrieldenouden7301]

although this isn’t related to the video, thank you so much for making these videos. there’s something about them that is just so therapeutic and all the recent uploads have been so comforting to watch 🗣

[@HalIOfFamer]

Its the 1st time I shed a tear watching your video, I never really had a friend at all, and definitely not like this. This video makes me feel like having none is way easier than loosing one like this.

[@babakazi808]

Keep doin ur thing bro. I love these therapy sessions. I always watch the whole thing

[@crimsondynamo615]

Calling it therapy makes me wish vr chat had a Dr. Katz model for him to have as an avatar. But yeah he does make for a great therapist, listening to these people and helping get the stories out there for them to be exposed by so many caring people.

[@Hippopotomusus]

I lost my dog in January, he was absolutely my best friend and helped me out during the worst time of my life. I got him on the way back from the hospital after my last suicide attempt and he changed my whole life. Losing your friend too early is fucking world shattering

[@lordnavaljuice1288]

I love you, rest in peace to your good friend.

[@togurobclass5087]

Its beautiful listening to him recount his memories with his friend. You can hear how stoked he was to be in that moment how much it meant to him then and now. True meaning of making an imprint.

[@anthonyalexander6266]

I lost my best friend a year and 6 months ago I’ll never stop thinking about him every day but it the pain and the hurt subside after awhile and it gets easier… much love everyone

[@gabrieltaggart]

Probably the saddest story i’ve seen on your channel, even though it’s not nearly as serious as other stories. Just the way he was explaining it, you could really feel the emotion he went through.

[@tanicwhisper0647]

I appreciate when people share their personal stories of death. People tell you to live for yourself, but I live to live for others. Idk how i’ll continuing doing shit when the ones I love start to pass on. These videos help me cope, make me feel like it’ll be possible to move on. Sorry for this guy to go through this experience. Seems like a badass dude, doesn’t deserve it, him or his best friend.

[@PicoNico98]

I know this video opened somebodies eyes to this situation. Keep up the good work Syrmor. You always find the best interviewees.

[@marsrwby7477]

Both of my friends have died and sometimes I wonder if it was me who could’ve done something. This video hits me because at the time they died I was going through some rough times of mine, I miss them, and I hope this guy the best because I know the battles you go through when someone who you hold dear is gone forever

[@sebfield]

This hit me the hardest out of all of Syrmor's videos. Tell your loved ones that you love them

[@LuisRamirez-nb6sh]

What y’all had is so special I envy y’all’s friendship I wish I had someone close to me

[@bootysensei]

eerily relatable 💔 time to take a seat.

[@EddyOfTheMaelstrom]

You made me think, sir. Mission accomplished. I shall be eternally changed and eternally grateful.

[@behehe5620]

I love you eternally

[@santinovrr]

thank you man

[@btrdangerdan2010]

Listening to this a second time, truly touching as it holds new meaning for me as I now have a friend I'm starting to feel close to as we hang out more , we share so many interests. Ill be patient.

[@orlandocampbell6105]

This video is special ❤

[@VincentVBR]

Fuck this had me in tears.... I love you too Bart simpson and I hope youre doing alright.

[@ForeverBleedingDemon]

This really hit a chord with me. It was a few years after high school, but my best friend, my twin brother from another mother (we had the exact same birthday). He was someone I looked up to and was always there for me. He seemed like he had everything figured out and was doing all sorts of fun looking stuff. He hung himself and survived the attempt but was unresponsive in the hospital. His family decided to pull the plug when it was clear he wasn't going to recover, and I still remember where I was and everything like it was yesterday. He too had confided in me about his feelings on life and things in general. I also feel like maybe I could've done more and it'll probably never go away. The only thing I can do for him now though is try to make him proud. ❤

[@FlipWarBucks]

I remember being young and feeling this exact same way. I wanted to keep his thought around forever but peoples feelings change and some people straight want to forget, it’s sad. Then you yourself, you get older and life takes over. Other friends and family die, then life is still moving at full speed. Then you look up and your fully grown and you just know. As long as you remember them, they’re still alive.

[@EVAASIVEOne]

Thank you very much to both of you for this video. It has helped me find comfort in my own pain and grief.

[@teddygunzbarno2102]

My best friend took his life and I never thought he would ever do something like that thought I knew him he was a veteran and going thru stuff but he actually oded but he was trying to kill himself rip 🙏 sorry for your loss

[@matthumphries]

I don't know what it was about this one in particular but it broke me. I've never been through something like this and can't truly understand what he's going through, but the way he talked about his friend was just heart wrenching. You could feel the love he still has for him even to this day. Heart goes out to him

[@itscalen6305]

His laugh is contagious

[@matthewbaldasari6713]

Rose, I will always miss you. I’m sorry you were in such a dark place when you did that. All that time running; I wish you had hung out and talked for a while. I will hold you in my heart. All my love. Matt

[@jaydenmueller4303]

I lost my best friend a few years back, you don't forget them when you grow up or ever, just remember that even though hes gone now, you and him will always be back then, and the you that is now couldn't be if he was still here

[@icychill105]

This person had the most california up bringing, my little cousin cooper who passed last year was like the same as this dude and i miss him to this day.

[@santinovrr]

rest in peace to cooper, real shit bro rest in piece

[@ALPHAGROUND1]

This hits hard RN just lost a close friend to suicide all I got to say is if you have these feelings don't be ashamed to get help... I feel bad for this kid.. as I feel the same way there were signs and I feel like I could have done more... don't leave your family and friends behind please get help...

[@Profwolfman]

This reminds me of how me and my brother were growing up. RIP Erick Williams.

[@mydogsnameislucy768]

Wow. I’m glad I found this channel..

[@pielover191]

i relate to this so fucking hard feeling the guilt of not telling anyone because you don’t realize how serious it is and how much that shit hurts once as it happens because you could’ve done something. And then going to school and trying to be normal as you’re just coping with your best friend dying that day prior. it’s crazy how so many people have experienced this shit

[@Aka_Cabron]

I feel you bro it’s happened to me twice with two girls who I loved very much especially the first time I was so young only in 8th grade and no one else knew her and it’s hard to live with it then 2 years later another person doing the same it’s really hard

[@dethroglok]

Damn dude, bringing tears to my eyes...

[@finch3648]

As someone who has survived an attempt and lost a close friend to suicide, tough love is needed. Be gentle, but if they can’t get themselves help, MAKE them. Please.

[@laszlokovacs8348]

Syrmor continuing to do some of the most important work on the platform.

[@Erodent]

I can usually watch and love your interviews. This one hit to close, I lost my best friend to cancer at 16 and basically got the same phone call from his brother. “Hey we had to pull the plug we didn’t think he could make it nor did the doctors” instead of laughter I broke out into a rage. I threw my back pack at the bus when it pulled up I kicked the water bottle I had into someone’s yard. I was so angry I don’t even know at what I just remember that rage like I’ve never felt before followed by a deep rolling sadness that left me crying for hours in a hallway at school

[@Kommikaze]

These vids r so mf sad but ats time I'm pretty disassociated from my own past from ptsd so it helps try to remember

[@duckyworthIV]

i agree with this guy. i hate it how people would exaggerate how close they were close to a recently deceased person to seem like they are a good person; but their actions in the past to that certain individual never reflect what they are preaching. i hate how people can be so disingenuous at times.

[@merdemoiii-7589]

god I love the mass posts you’ve had

[@jyminewtron1416]

Love your video so much. Loved the piece you did with azeal

[@tylerzimmerman757]

My heart goes out to him. When I was a freshman in high school I came very close to losing my best friend to suicide. That wrecked me for a few months and I can’t imagine what my life would be like today if they had done it. There was also a kid who killed himself when I was either a sophomore or junior and I was one of the few people who didn’t know him. I was still sad to see how other people reacted to it. One of the most outgoing people I knew could barely hold it together the day the school announced that he had done that.

[@kirkuri5173]

this really made me look at how i understand certain things with my friends. i gotta check up on one of them cuz like he said, this edgy humor can be taken for granted

[@treywilliamson2465]

Dude I've still got my best friend thank fucking God. But hearing u talk Abt u and your friend reminded me way too much that that's exactly how me and my friend are. Goofing around as kids, being in school together in the same class with him he always helped me and gave me tips. He made me wanna go further and do better. He's my brother idk what I'd do without him dude literally helped make me who I am as a person and I'd be lost without him. I almost made it through the video without tearing up but at the end I lost it thinking Abt what you were saying. Sorry u had to go through that man but I really fucking appreciate u sharing ur story even if it had me crying.

[@fehdip]

I relate to this video alot, i lost a really close friend and i was too young to notice i couldve helped. i still carry this burden. hope this dudes good.

[@fehdip]

this channel holds a special place in my heart.

[@santinovrr]

hopefully you're doing good yourself! Its hard not to carry something like that around with you. It gets better though man, it slowly gets better and I really hope for you it has. I'm doing great and have a lot of awesome people around me, thank you for caring.

[@reynemanzano]

Compelling story. Listening to these gives me a sense of solace. People being upfront about their human condition. What interests me is the bouts of increased intensity he has at random moments of his speech

[@reynemanzano]

It seems regular for kids his generation. I’m close to it, 93. So just before his I’m assuming. “Roblox KZbinrs” ages him

[@FF3NT0N]

i lost my best friend of 20 years on May 16th of 2022, and I have say every time I breakdown about him (which is a whole fucking lot) that nobody I know understands what it means to lose someone who wasn't just your best friend but your other half that you have a connection with stronger than your parents or siblings or love of your life or whatever, other than the details like where we came from or whatever this this video is the onlyo time I have heard somebody say what I feel with my loss, needed this a lot more than I can explain, like word for word hearing somebody else felt this too, idk how to explain it but I don't feel as angry thinking nobody else understands thanks symor, this is the 4th video from you I had no idea could be the thing to help me in ways I didn't think I could I could ever help

[@lordnavaljuice1288]

nobody understands unless they’ve been through it, the anger is the worst part. It gets better.

[@goofygoober777_]

while i didn’t lose my best friend, i lost a friend from school i talked to almost daily for several months during the most recent school year. i heard about how he took his own life and was bewildered. hearing the guy in the video tell his experiences is very similar to what it was like for me (though way more severe than my case). life is crazy.

[@yikesb3rg]

my best friend died this year, his birthday was going to be his 19th this week. this video really helped me realise there are other people in the same situation as me

[@behehe5620]

I love you

[@DeconvertedMan]

Best to you, and yours, always. Love as much as you can, as many as you can, for as long as you can.

[@CM-rm3xj]

Thank you so much to this channel and thats to the KVMAJI for being so brave in sharing. I've been thinking about ending my life for a while now (post divorce) and this made me cry bit.. but still helpful. Thanks guys

[@santinovrr]

you have a one in 400 trillion chance of becoming a human according to science, this life is a blessing my friend. Never take the gift of life away from yourself, you're gonna get through what you're going through. Its gonna get better dude. You don't realize how many people love u I swear man. Taking your life is never the answer, its gonna get better dude. Pick yourself out of this hole, life's a rollercoaster full of ups and downs. I don't know you but if you're at rock bottom the only way is up. I don't even know you and I love you, you got this dude don't do yourself dirty.

[@CM-rm3xj]

@@santinovrr Thank you Santino. I appreciate that waking up this morning :)

[@Deadly.Druid66]

Damn this fucked me up, you'll never stop missing them. You just start to miss more people as life goes on. It's brutal and one day I hope someone will miss me.

[@sydneym8412]

The most unreal thing ever is that the world just carry’s on. Years ago my parents divorced and even though I wasn’t living at home, I had to go to college. I had to go to work. Y’know when you’re younger maybe like you can skip a few days of school, go see a school counselor, etc I was able to see a counselor in college months after the initial divorce announcement, but it’s just…. So strange.