feeling like i’m losing my mind, might delete later

[@Ericartmanschili]

I have agoraphobia and your video popped up in my feed days ago, so I subbed. No one ever understands it. I’m an older version of you, just without support and friends. Big hugs girl ❤

[@GrinnVision]

Hi Ashley! 💜 Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with your audience. A lot of people who struggle with SMI only get to feel less alone in the world by finding media like this, it's very important and very appreciated. I know that recovery from lifelong struggle is unintuitive and that not everybody who does gets help recovers, so I wanted to mention a less common treatment option for dire circumstances that can still be brought up to a doctor, since you mentioned lobotomies. Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) battled mental illness her whole life and spoke highly about her experience with electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) and some others have credited it with saving their lives. I would encourage you to always choose life and to remember that there are always more options, even if it seems like there's not. We all have things to lose but the world would lose so much more without you.

[@turquoisetoile-universalethics]

Many of us want to end the pain, not unalive self. I feel your pain. It can seem unbearable sometimes. I tried to comment before and send you a video but I think it got deleted.

[@monaebreak561]

Was so happy to see you back! Please tell us you're ok! Be safe! ❤

[@blacklisterd]

If living the life you're living has caused you to feel this way. Then its time to completely change your life but not end life. Rather the old life. Perhaps get rid of the symbolism, use your room for sleeping only and stay active all day. We can have way to much mental energy that is best used & burned up with activity.

[@SeethingSimp]

I must've watched 30 of your videos in the past week. This video isn't included since I know you weren't trying to be "on", but your videos are quite appealing in the way that your method of storytelling is entertaining while also accurately conveying the low emotions you feel. Most people can't be entertaining while "complaining". My life has been basically frozen since 2009, so I relate to a lot of what you say, though I won't bother with details unless you for some reason want to hear them. I've never been overweight, but eating bad food has been one of the only things I get any enjoyment out of during all these years, so even if you hate yourself for it, it makes perfect sense that you want any bit of pleasure you can get amidst your emotional suffering. I know you said your medication played a big part in it, so I know it's not all your fault. I know the rage and despondency that comes with wasting your youth. Watching the decline in looks that comes with time passing is a part of it, but a lot of it is feeling like your problems don't mean as much either. It's one thing to be a teen with all these problems with the mix of your parents being more involved by default as well as the hope of having the future for things to work themselves out and then 15 years later as everyone seemingly no longer cares. Do you ever watch your old videos and wish you still looked like that? Not that I look drastically different now, but when I look at pictures of me young, I just fill with sorrow. Youth seems like the only time worth living, so I'm always down about it. I get sad every time I watch one of your newer videos where you don't have teeth. I have yet to watch your explanation for how your real ones got into bad shape, which I will watch soon, but aside from wincing because it's one of my greatest fears, I just feel sad because it's not right or fair that that's something you had to experience. I know everyone adapts to their circumstances eventually, but it's hard to believe how you can be so seemingly cavalier about it. Anyways, your circumstances are obviously not good, but it's a good thing that this genre of videos is becoming more popular. It puts a humanizing touch on it now that more people are admitting how hard they're struggling. You should make more videos more often if you have anything to share.

[@ixtlankauldeva180]

I can't possibly underscore the fact that any and all mind altering substances, exes, and fake friends are literally the worst things and people you need in your life right now. You're absolutely worth every positive thing life has to offer and you always matter, so please don't ever think otherwise because those of us who truly care for you don't want to see you go. 😢 If you ever want anyone from your following to see you in person, please don't hesitate to reach out because you are never alone with your personal wars. You're never undesirable, never unlikeable, never unlovable, never unrelatable, never a burden, and never boring. You have so much to offer the world that is always appreciated by true people.

[@blackphysicalexperimentation]

Wow , u changed a Lot. Stay strong

[@rachelboudreaux8245]

I'm sending you many hugs. You asked if anyone was like you, well it's me. You're just a younger version of me. And you sound like I did a month ago. I went to the crisis center. And I feel so much better . And no, it wasn't my first and won't be my last. But it's one of my safe places, I have agoraphobia also. And as for the boys yes boys there is not worth a pot to piss in. I wasted so much of my life doing what you are doing. And now at 40 I wish I could go back and tell myself to do me ,work on yourself and when later you will find the right man.

[@liminal-cc3go]

Hey Ashley. I found your channel many years ago now, around 2017 I think?? I was constantly suicidal, self harmed very often (and extreme) and never left the house. 6 months was a record I made twice, and I was in the psych ward about 7 times. I was/am now a recovering agoraphobic and borderline. Sometimes I go through periods more difficult than others, but I almost always am able to leave the house to get the things I need now, even when struggling. Please find a good therapist (someone well versed in treating BPD). DBT is the number one therapy for borderline personality disorder. I did it for 4 years and it’s been highly effective. Please see if you could find a DBT program in your area. Also, if you need help with therapy finances, you could look into MA (medical assistance, whatever version Florida has). You would most certainly qualify. Ashley, please take getting help seriously. I want to see you get better love, not die. Please get help and take it as seriously as a last life line. ((Your my melodies are very very cute 🌸🌸🌸.))

[@ghughghugh]

I imagine you just want your mind to be clear. ❤ I get that. Please take care.

[@blackphysicalexperimentation]

Jobs can BE too cruel. Soo Many people say that WE all must follow the stuff of good or Jesus , but in reality they are Like the Guys WHO brought Jesus too the damn cross

[@jamescostello7584]

Why can't I find another person like you

[@willythewave]

I just want you to know you are loved. You are not mentally Ill. You are going through life like we all are. Maybe get rid of your boyfriend.

[@ghughghugh]

Hey! 🎉 You sounded chipper when you said it, so I couldn't resist.

[@ReginaRms]

Hi Ashley, I’d like to talk to you to help a bit if you wish. I’m a good listener and I’m here if you need anyone to listen to you. Hope you’re feeling better these days ❤❤

[@empemitheos]

despite what you're going through right now, you probably have made progress on your agoraphobia in the past few years, and these issues in your life may be difficult, but they are solvable, the world is a more empty place without insightful people like you, and I hope things improve for you

[@larrythebatmanfan]

Try to be more positive Ashley !!!

[@Arikarinful]

Watching this is painful.

[@stylinzon]

how/why?

[@Arikarinful]

@@stylinzon I don't really have any mental illnesses so watching this makes me incredibly grateful is all. I wish you didn't have to go through this. Nobody should suffer like this.

[@alexyoung7170]

@@stylinzonthe way you talk about yourself and others. Everything is in the power of the tongue. Just take some shrooms, it helped my depression.

[@superfastard4158]

so like i've just came across this channel and I cannot tell if you got better or worse in however many fuckin years you been doing this shit

[@stylinzon]

@@superfastard4158 this made me giggle thanks

[@Ryan-fs8fq]

After a certain age, the BPD thing isn't cute anymore. Smoking cigarettes could help with the emotional pain you feel in your heart.

[@stylinzon]

@@Ryan-fs8fq ok “BPD thing,” incredibly insensitive. this isn’t meant to be cute. this video’s purpose was to show what it’s really like to have untreated BPD. i only finally got properly diagnosed earlier this year but i’ve had it for many years now and never have been able to get help for it. and i don’t see how you think smoking cigarettes is cute either. cigarettes aren’t just some cool aesthetic for mentally ill people. get a grip.

[@yungbevon]

@@stylinzonhope everything is okay Ashley