4 Month Update After Stillbirth | Coping With Grief and Loss

[@innabash3377]

I don't know why your video came up on my suggested but I have been watching all your videos and just sobbing. My heart breaks for you and your family. Sending you love and prayers.. He is with Jesus in heaven ❤️

[@heatherv14513]

My beautiful healthy daughter passed away unexpectedly 2 months ago, she was 3.5 weeks old, she was our first & only child. I can definitely relate to pretty much everything you’ve said especially when you said how you’re out in the world and people have no idea what you’ve just gone through. Congratulations on your second child. I pray that we’re blessed with another sweet baby one day.

[@lorettacastaneda2758]

There is no wrong or right way to grieve. What I see on you is a lot of strength. You are doing very good. I lost my baby 26yrs ago and I did not listen to others opinions and grieved my own way. You will always have that missing piece in your heart and you will learn how to live through it. I am happy and I still talk, sing and read to my baby to this day. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my Angel in Heaven. I will pray for you and your husband's healing.

[@memorizeitwithmusic612]

My daughter died 3 days ago - at 35 weeks pregnant. I feel like I'm drowning also. I've also had the exact feeling of "what's the point in eating now?" You described what I feel so perfectly. I found your video trying to learn from other moms who've had to cope with this terrible loss. Thank you for sharing your heart and your sweet little boy. Thank you for telling us your feelings and for all the help you are providing for all of us walking through this dark road. You and your little Braxton are a huge blessing.

[@FellyStillBraxtonsMama]

Memorize It With Music thank you so much for this comment, this is exactly why I make these videos. I’m so sorry you also lost your baby girl. What is her name?

[@memorizeitwithmusic612]

@@FellyStillBraxtonsMama Her name is Wendy Mariah. I love the name Braxton, by the way. A very strong name. Moving through this valley is surreal. I'm just leaving the shock phase and entering anger. I'm struggling with that and feeling sort of 'cheated'. There are so many emotions all tied together. I always dreaded losing a child and hoped I never would, but I never realized just how terrible it would be. I'm so sorry for the pain your family is enduring. You are an awesome Mommy. Your love for Braxton radiates. I'm so glad you are sharing it with others.

[@margogiviti]

@@memorizeitwithmusic612 its beautiful name

[@ceecee7651]

I am curious. Three years later, how are you doing?

[@josiepadilla2064]

I hope you haven't given up on God. I just lost my son 3 weeks ago and I have hope to see him again when I go to heaven. I was angry at God the first couple of days but I've clung to him now because going thru this is so much harder without him.

[@samanthalerner7471]

Thank you for sharing your favorite books. My daughter was born sleeping 4 years ago...on October 15, ironically enough. A nurse told me about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day a few hours after she was born, I had actually never even heard about it before. My favorite book that I read afterwards was called 3 minus 1, it was wonderful (and not religious). I also loved the movie Return to Zero, which is on Netflix now. I still watch that movie sometimes when I need something relatable or to cry and just release emotions. Thinking of you and your sweet Braxton.

[@babbbysweetpea]

You are a mom.

[@thriving_onplants8686]

My best friend found out she was pregnant when she went to hospital. Unfortunately, she lost her baby after she slipped into a coma and her whole body shut down. Luckily, she survived. This was a few years now..I never know what to say to her, but we both miss and grieve for our baby. She wasn't very far. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. My heart goes out to you. Sending you and your partner lots of love and healing vibes. 💙

[@ibelismelendez8071]

Thank you for sharing all these videos. You’re one strong mama. I’m a labor and delivery nurse and your videos are educational with helping me take care of moms In similar tough times. It is so hard losing an angel. I’m so sorry for you loss but I thank your bravery with sharing all of this

[@karenerickson7661]

I’m thankful in finding you, I just lost my son on August 14th he was born sleeping, my story sounds just like yours. We were completely perfect and healthy and suddenly my son was not alive anymore. I’m completely destroyed, as soon as we left the hospital I started researching and looking to see if anyone else has gone through this. Questioning myself and thinking it had only happened to me. I will be attending the OC walk with forever footprints, that will be Logan’s 2 months. 💔 I hope Braxton and Logan are friends👼👼

[@amaradryden720]

You are in my prayers ❤️ I am sorry for your loss.

[@consolatairungu9709]

My son was called Logan too he passed when he was 2 days old on 22/7/2019

[@dkpoohbear78]

I thank my family all the time because that’s all I need from them to just hear me talk about my son and let me cry. I really like your videos 💖 I also write in a journal to my son when I am at my worst.

[@christinehamilton1467]

I just came across your video. I lost my son, Hudson, at 20 weeks on February 17th, 2021 and I just lost my daughter, Lynlee at 29 weeks on September 2nd, 2022. It is by far the most difficult thing that any parent has to deal with. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years now. We’ve had two miscarriages and two stillbirths. It’s hard to sit by and watch how easy and wonderful pregnancy is for a good chunk of moms, yet those of us that want children struggle over and over and continue to have to push through the horror and pain.

[@veeraniv6054]

I too had a miscarriage at 13 weeks on may 2023 and my daughter died after being born on April 2024 I really want to erase all the memories and the month from my life I really miss my daughter don't know how to recover from it my husband doesn't want to talk about it anymore ive no one to talk

[@glowi6975]

Thank you for being so honest.. I have a sleeping angel also, we lost him at 38 weeks. Jonathon Gage, Unfortunately I Have a clotting disorder that’s what ultimately caused him to become a angel. It’s hard because as you I had a normal healthy pregnancy, I’m suffering from PTSD now.. it’s been rough. I get you completely in your feelings. Thank you again for being so honest! ❤️

[@CorinneRose]

My heart goes out to you. You are an amazing mother and so strong. I think its great that you can make these videos for yourself and other mamas. You are awesome ❤❤❤

[@aribatres3812]

You are soo strong. My biggest fear is losing my son he is due next month on the 21st but from conception I have just had this terrible fear that I won't get to meet him. I'm so sorry for your loss and you will always be Braxton's Mommy 💙

[@kuriza88]

Hope Everything went fine? ♥️

[@angelm795]

My son was born an angel too, he was 100% healthy and so was I. Not having a cause of death was comforting at first, knowing it wasn't our fault but it's not anymore. I question everything now.

[@simplebeautyxox]

Thank you for this video. It's the first i've found and watched since this happened to me. Its been 5 days since I lost my baby following traumatic preterm labor and I'm lost. This has given me hope. Sending blessings to you.

[@j.conriquez4718]

Rip sweet amazing boy braxton may the Lord keep you around as a precious angel you are to your mom and dad love you. God bless you and your family your a true women for sharing your story.

[@kanikakothari3446]

After watching this I called my boyfriend and within 10-15 seconds he asked me if I was crying 😭 And i was not able to even speak a word He knew that i am sad but didn't knew the reason 😔 And just told me not worry I'm really upset 😭 That's really something that should never happen to anyone in life You're brave ❤️✌🏻️ Love ❤️ from India 🇮🇳 Sorry for my English

[@rdsadventures]

This is such a beautiful post, thank you for sharing this. I love when you said that doing these videos and blogs is how you take care of your son. We experienced our first pregnancy and first loss on my birthday, and it's really comforting to hear someone give words to what I'm feeling. I can relate having to listen the mom in your class - I have a coworker who is due the same week as I would have been and it is so difficult to hear her complain about something I miss so, so much. I'll be at the 4-month mark after our loss next month. I'm glad that there's some kind of peace looking forward.

[@jocelynlaboy8159]

This made me cry. I never lost a baby but came close my son spent a couple wks in the nicu 3 hrs away from me. I had a c sec and had to stay behind. But he pulled thru and in 2 wks he will be 14. But I did lose my best friend in a tragic car accident when she was just one wk from her due date. They both died and I was devastated still am and its been 10 yrs. She was on her way to a baby shower that was being thrown by her coworkers. We had her family and friend shower the wk prior to their death. It wasnt my baby but we had been friends since the 6th grade so it hurt pretty bad. I hope one day u will be able to do all the things u werent able to do with Baby Braxton. And just know even tho hes not with u he is ur son and that makes you a mom.

[@ericaespi7958]

Your hospital unpacking video popped up on my suggested and I don't know why but I want to support you in any way!! I've been watching all your videos, telling my husband about your story and i'm going to find your ig and add you :)

[@Nursemomma7]

God love you and continue to wrap his arms around you! Thank you for the courage you posses that has allowed you to share this with us! He will be in heaven waiting for you patiently!

[@jadeasante4992]

It’s been two weeks and we are drowning but I’m so glad I found this video..

[@kimhuerta8785]

I just started following you and your story I’m so heartbroken for you and your family Braxton is now your angel and he’s adorable hugs and prayers for you

[@DeniseV-so1by]

I don’t know how I came across your videos today is my first day watching you and I can’t even imagine what your going too you are extremely strong and you are helping so many parents out with your story I know you don’t see yourself as a strong women right now but you really are just by being able to share your story

[@abbyb2752]

Wow, I’m so happy he has a precious little sister now!

[@sacridcreationz]

I am SO sorry to hear about your Angel Baby.. i have 12 of my own i joined the reborn community and my reborns have helped me Immensely! My heart still hurts but my arms are no longer empty. I am Still a mommy and now a Reborn mom. After collecting and growing my reborn family for about 2 years now i decided to try painting my own. I plan on making reborns for other Mothers with broken hearts and empty arms❣️

[@emilyessay4252]

I am so sorry about the loss of your baby Braxton. You might want to go to the KZbin channel Waters wife they also lost their little boy Bennett at 26 weeks. She does a lot of videos about how she was feeling after the stillbirth up Bennett. She does have her rainbow baby Mallory and also did a lot of videos of her fears and anxiety with that pregnancy. I hope this helps a little I also have an Angel Baby Kristen. But my baby was 14 and 1/2 years old when she went home.

[@ishirene]

it was hard for me to go back to places where I used to go too. I couldn't stop but think how I used to be. I remember in my last couple of months, I go to grocery shopping and cashier would ask me how far along and I would smile and respond. After losing my son, I used to think too that people have no idea that I just gave birth and I should be holding a new born.

[@mawadapatricio7681]

You words describe everything I feel right now and when I sleep my brain shuts down thinking nothing of this has happened but the worst moment is when I wake finding my baby bump has disappeared but with no baby in my hands to hold .....I feel so empty Pedro Noah that's his name

[@pamelawages7927]

What a beautiful sharing. Raw and real. This will help others

[@SuperTamig]

So very sorry for your loss..my granddaughter was born sleeping it was such a sad time for our family especially for my son and his wife❤️❤️❤️ sending many prayers and love to your family...you are a mom and Braxton will always be with you...

[@aijab5129]

Am sorry for loss of Your precious angel-lost my angel princess recently in 23 weeks-we were half a way...There are good days and there are days to survive-for example today everything and everyone just annoys me..Thank You for sharing! All the best for You and Your family! ❤❤❤

[@rochelle1055]

I am so sorry for your loss, and so happy for your rainbow baby! I've watched some of your videos, and I'm trying to see if you say why you think it happened, or if a doctor told you why it happened bc you said in one of your paragraphs that what you found out later about stillbirths, it would've prevented his death. I'm going to google why it could happen. My cousin delivered one baby that was stillborn, but she was addicted to drugs, so it made sense that her baby couldn't survive. I'm pregnant with my second baby after several miscarriages, I am happy you are giving a strong voice to this and talking about it. Thank you for your family's bravery. It gave me awareness that sometimes we are not guaranteed anything.

[@BoomNSass]

I agree, it's hard being in this space knowing for the rest of my life I'm to do things and go on without my firstborn. It sucks. You shared some great tips, right now, journaling and Netflix is helping me. I would rather be sleep deprived and enveloped in learning my daughter. ☹️

[@blairwaldorf-bass8180]

I’m so glad you had Jonathan, and that you got through it together. Ugh i totally understand your anger that was the main emotion i felt besides sadness. And like you felt the resentment towards other moms who get to have their babies

[@pandoravictoria7821]

It is so beautiful that you have such great ways to connect with Brax

[@VixenVulpix266]

prayers for you mana and hubby.

[@victoriabrown8861]

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is probably the hardest things to have to go through. My first pregnancy ended in a late term miscarriage at 15 weeks. It was hard because I felt really alone. They had given me information about support groups but I felt like I didn’t deserve to go to a support group with women who had stillborns because my loss in comparison to theirs I felt was far less. I also understand what you mean by when you went out no one knew what you had been through or knew that you were a mother. I feel that was the most frustrating part mainly because I felt I had been stripped of my title as a mother.

[@MadiS1127]

So much strength. 💙

[@iluvjt94]

Just started to follow your story. I lost my daughter at 40 weeks 6 days pregnant. She was born on 5/4/22. I’m struggling. It’s only been a week. Her name is Leila Jean. I love her so much. She was my first baby. We were healthy the whole time. I even heard her heartbeat the night before I went into labor. 12 hours went by and she passed away. I don’t know how this happened still and I am angry and upset.

[@theresapaulse877]

So sorry for your loss. My baby boy was born on the same day as your little baby girl. Gutwrenchingly, he passed away at 3 months old.💔 I hate that this is my new life. Laying in bed now with one of his baby crawlers around my neck. Just smothering my nose in the scent. I hope you are okay. I don't know where this new agonizing journey will lead us. I'm glad our angels share a birthday.

[@iluvjt94]

@@theresapaulse877 thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry. I totally understand the struggle. What was your baby’s name? We have angel twins in heaven. Would love to stay in touch some how. Let me know. Sending love.

[@ChocoCarmelApple]

We lost our daughter in April 16, 2020 (she died a few days before). We saw her face and held her and it is the most devastating experience.

[@pandoravictoria7821]

I am extremely sorry for your loss xoxoxo

[@user-gk4yq8wg7w]

Its been more than one and half year for by baby loss, but i didnt accept and forget her, i cried many times and gonna mis her

[@shavonstevens2260]

Having a baby is so hard on your body I can’t imagine for one second what it’s like to go through that but not have your baby afterwards it’s so heart breaking

[@lindawhite5006]

I never lost a baby but 7 yrs ago my 36 y/o daughter was found dead on her back porch. It was due to a new medication and she had a severe reaction to. I had 3 daughters and she was the oldest. I learned how to be a mother when she was born. The call from her husband telling me Sarah was dead, I can still remember every word he said. It was the worst day of my life! My heart felt like it would explode! She left behind a beautiful 2 y/o little girl that she had tried to get pregnant with for 10 yrs. Her husband of 18 yrs remarried within 6 mos. His new wife adopted my granddaughter and didn't want Sarah's family to have anything to do with her and my son in law agreed with her. He sent me a certified letter explaining this. He rented a storage unit, mailed me the key and said I had 1 month to get Sarah's things out of it then it was all going into the dumpster! I went there the day I received the key and brought it all home with me. My daughters ashes were in the storage unit!!! Her things are still sitting in my formal living room. I've tried to go thru them, but it is still too painful. The first year after her death I was drunk every single night! And I rarely drank before that. I began drinking when I woke up and until I passed out. I rarely bathed, I didn't open mail, or cook and rarely ate. I would take a large picture of her off the wall, sat on my back porch, light candles, talk to her and cry. At the end of that first year my health was in toilet. It has taken it's tole on me. I haven't seen my granddaughter except in pictures for 7 years now. She is 9. We live in a small town. I've seen her once walking down a sidewalk and only recognized her because she was with her dad and his parents! Once you lose a child, you are never the same. I used to be a funny happy person. I couldn't laugh or enjoy anything for the first 5 yrs! So baby girl, I know that gut wrenching pain you feel. It gradually lessens but you will never go a day without thinking of your precious Braxton! God bless you and your husband. I will say special prayers for you. Now get busy and have another baby to love while you're still young!

[@aijab5129]

Am sorry for Your situation and loss, hope that one day You will meet Your granddaughter and will regain the missed time-it is so painful not to be with the ones You love! May Good bless and restore in Your family peace and love! 🙏🙏🙏

[@olgarangel5876]

Dont ever feel like u have 2 apologize 4 the way u felt or continue 2 feel, u n ur bf have lost the most important person in ur lives. U n Johnathan have the right 2 grieve n morn in ur own way. Those who have never suffered this type of lost do not have the right 2 an opinion!!!! I love ur courage n strength!!!! FOD REST BRAXTON'S SOUL!!!!

[@msgarciamayorca]

You are so amazing ❤️

[@rachelosborne5982]

Did you feel the euology was too personal? I saw that you included a small snipit when you introduced Briza in your tummy video, but it was all music no talking. I and I'm sure others would have loved to see the memorial or a bit of it.

[@amyyyla777]

I’m so sorry for your loss. You look so familiar..Do you go to west coast university?

[@ilove1D143143]

What was the cause of his loss?

[@laurasalas2370]

Reborn help me look like my son

[@courtneywolff1194]

❤️ 💕

[@Keiry-dew-night]

Maybe I could go in a Time Machine and save all of your babies from dying what do you say?

[@jessicakoshman1042]

Did you ever think maybe the doctor should have been charged with negligence for not inducing you sooner?

[@giannam2613]

You should adopt if you want another kid, so you don’t lose a child again.

[@mariahslovak4454]

Gianna Marie This is the most rude thing I’ve ever seen said to another human being. You should be ashamed of yourself.

[@giannam2613]

Mariah Slovak Why? I’m sorry but, don’t see what’s bad about it?

[@Akritisc]

@@giannam2613 really? U don't know whats wrong with what u said.. I feel sorry for u

[@strawberrybunny.2983]

I think his comment was well meant but worded poorly :/.

[@giannam2613]

Hana Blooms I’m only a kid I’m 8 I’m sorry