Fi’s Fight Back - increase and appointment day

What I hoped was going to be a very positive video ended up… ended up being a difficult day (which I why I also filmed the next day because I so badly wanted it to be positive).
A realistic update. Things have been challenging.
Apologies for the voiceover too.
Just got to keep on going for now.
#anorexiarecovery #inpatient #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #recovery #recoveryispossible #dayinthelife

[@BrandiBcrazy]

Please don’t try to rush University, you WILL go, you have soo much time. You just focus on finding Fi, that’s the most important thing right now. You are STRONG. You WILL do this. We love you & you have a mountain of supporters behind you! ❤

[@chickadee_e]

It sounds like as much as you don't want to go, being in the hospital is the best place for you right now. I've been watching you since you starting documenting this months ago. I don't normally comment on appearance, but it's clear you're not making a lot of progress Fi. It's obvious you're not able to gain the weight you need at home, and that's ok. Lots of us can't. I've been where you are. I've commented before that I have had to surrender to professional care several times before. It sucked but I would not have been able to do it alone. I would be dead right now. Please go inpatient. We want you to survive this. You don't have to be so strong. You don't have to fight through the exhaustion. You can let others help you. Please listen to your providers and accept the extra help. I think it's the only way you're going to find the Fi you want to find again. You deserve to take a break in forcing yourself to do such hard things and let others take control and do it for you for a bit. At least until you restore some weight and get to a place you're more able to do it at home ❤️

[@thepeacechannel7083]

I agree. She really wants to be well so badly, but sometimes that just isn't enough. She needs to surrender to the fact that she needs a higher level of care, that is why she isn't making progress.

[@janedoex1398]

I was to shy and new to the channel- not Anorexia though. Almost 28 years is enough. Her legs are sticks. I am sorry if that sounds offensive , but I just see what I see. I am - as I aged obviously not capable of going back to the weights that I used to at 14, 16, 21, 25. And I won't try because I still want to live and my metabolism is ruined anyway and I have a ton of other illnesses to deal with now .

[@catherinemitchell3721]

I was thinking much the same,but was unsure how to phrase it. I've been there myself. I know Fi desperately wants to do this at home; but sometimes it's just not possible. Unfortunately, supervision, higher calories, rest & therapy are what's needed now. I sincerely hope Fi takes the In- patient bed if it's offered.💖💓

[@harmonyhope1709]

I was literally admitted back to the medical ward on Monday as also struggling. IP EDU's are also being looked into for me I feel such a failure but I do feel I can't do it on my own at home after all sadly. Sometimes accepting help is the bravest thing to do. Please don't beat yourself up or feel you've failed. Think we both just needed to be a higher BMI and better in a better nutritional state before we left hospital last time. We were in hospital at the same time before and left at the same time more or less! Now we're both just exhausted again. Sending you so much love and strength from my hospital bed!!!!❤️

[@mwillis7791]

Sending you love and strength❤️

[@harmonyhope1709]

@@mwillis7791 aw bless you thank you ❤️ sending you love too!

[@e3jen153]

Sending u lots of 💖💖💖

[@daniellezaaiman680]

❤️

[@harmonyhope1709]

@@e3jen153 thank you sweetie xx

[@hollyvipond168]

I finally went to get help from the eating disorder team today.. After 15 years of struggling. I'm scared,relieved,excited... lots of emotions. Your doing so so well, your amazing xxx

[@chefash8769]

Sending you hugs and loves and the best of wishes for a healing journey

[@hollyvipond168]

@@chefash8769 thank you so much 💓

[@mrnibblesmom]

I’m almost ready myself. It’s been 36 years of struggling. I wish you the very very best🥰💪

[@janedoex1398]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👋

[@janedoex1398]

@@mrnibblesmom Omg. For me it's " just " 28 ( of Anorexia, but I realised I binged before for a year or two during puberty... )

[@christinebonchick6855]

Sometimes finding the strength to accept help is the way forward to a more healthy you. You deserve the best treatment option that will bring you through safely and accepting that is not failing but valuing yourself enough to say I need more support. Deep breaths.

[@allisonhamilton1245]

I see so much of my younger self's mental state in you. If you will accept some insight from an "old" lady. The food is such a symptom. Control, perfection, self-worth and perceived expectations are the true disease. What I hope to share is this... No one is perfect. The world is completely imperfect, uncontrolled and scary. What I can suggest is take the images and voices in your head of what you "should be doing, where you should be, etc" and set them aside. The struggle for sensitive people like us is living in the moment. Not living in our heads. We think we know what people think of us, what we think they feel about us and assume the worst. I can promise you are so much harder on you then you ever are in their eyes. Please know you are succeeding. Even if you just seek inpatient treatment that is success not failed because you are v seeking progress and health. Luv you Fi.

[@BuinidhMoChridheDoAlba]

You're doing amazing Fi, even if you don't see it. It's ok to struggle, just as long as you don't give up. Picking yourself up and trying again is what is important. Try to be kind to yourself

[@misstweeter314]

Your biology is making this very hard, but your spirit is so strong. Watching your journey has been an amazing experience. Things have been very hard in my life lately and this helped lift my spirits. Nobody understands how hard this is till they have lived it. The screaming that happens in your whole body sometimes is hard to understand until you have felt it woosh through you. These monsters are big, they are loud and they are persistent. You are a champion and I am so excited to see you succeed against them. I believe in you. Perfect doesn't exist but beautiful does. You will succeed beautifully ❤🌻❤

[@simonerapple9751]

Fi, I love your choice of quotes especially that Fox under the moon one. You are not failing at all, you are so strong..oh and by the way that dress is wow!

[@emilybilbow4990]

You are a warrior! And it’s ok to be tired… you have been fighting this battle for a long time! It’s also ok to let others take over the fight while you recover for a little while. If you need to stay at the hospital while you rest up to continue this battle… do it!!! Giving up a little control and allowing your meals to be planned takes away a lot of the anxiety and guilty feelings… while you nourish yourself and build up your strength! Not everyone is lucky enough to have the opportunity to go into a hospital for treatment… you should consider it… and also for your parents… watching a loved one struggle is heartbreaking! They love you so much…

[@mwillis7791]

I am so sorry you are so sick. I hope you start feeling better soon. I graduated from university when I was 28. I had years of a wonderful career and had 2 babies in my 30s. I understand that our circumstances are different and this isn’t what you want.

[@petraa.k.a.granolahead2436]

Baby steps. 2 Steps forward, one step back. But you're going forward!!

[@pidohuntress7385]

Recovery IS difficult, don't be ashamed to show the truth and the hard days.

[@clairemcdiarmid5160]

Well done Fi! Love your determination to finish on a high. I know you feel your progress is slow but it’s still progress. Also, I feel like you need more doughnuts in your life as you looked so joyful eating it! We do very much appreciate all the snack scoring :) Onwards and upwards 🥰

[@mustonle]

Beautiful soul, just remember you have met every challenge no matter how hard or scary and you have over come them. Hard days are ok. Recognizing that you might need extra help and accepting that help is an incredibly brave thing to do. It shows how bad you want this and how determined you are to have the life you deserve back. It will be ok. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Embrace and lean into the love from your amazing support system. You WILL persevere.

[@tinarn3086]

Thank you for sharing your journey ❤

[@amelie.2936]

thank you so much for sharing your journey with us fiona, you are so endlessly strong and I think we all are so so so proud of you

[@kellyknight7599]

Sending love and strength. Proud of you for ending on high note on your second day.

[@lorischmidt2936]

I hope you feel better soon. ❤️

[@dianemitchell5363]

Dearest Fi ~ Remember to give yourself grace as you go through the harder times. You truly are an amazing, strong, beautiful warrior!! 💜💜💜 Hope you recover quickly from the covid!

[@kateflack9968]

It’s hard seeing you struggling and so glad the next day was better for you ❤️

[@nicolaoffert4006]

Sending you love and support Fi. You are doing amazingly well. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Take a slowly but surely stroll towards wellness. You don't have to sprint. We all are proud of you. You've got this. 💕💕

[@rachelfinch9879]

Amazing! Well done for getting though a dark few days the best you could ❤️ doesn’t matter how you did it, you made it and that’s all the matters!

[@ek05jl]

Look at all your improvements so far! You are totally able to do incredibly hard things. This is extremely hard. You are remarkable. We all see you.

[@alimoore589]

We love you Fi. You're doing your best and that's all you can do xx

[@chefash8769]

Sending you well wishes to heal quickly from c19 so proud of your progress I know that the last month has been extremely difficult I genuinely hope that each day each bite each minute gets a smidge easier sending you all my love from the US

[@alisool93]

Your determination is so refreshing and I bet your parents are proud of you. I volunteer at a hospital with an EDU and you’ve helped me understand the struggle of the lovely people I work with so much better. Keep going. You’ve got this!x

[@KH-sq8wy]

I hope you can trust your treatment team and move forward❤️. We all need help with these very, very hard tasks and I want you to have all the support that you can so you can progress in recovery. Sending you love ❤️

[@pepperanne1988]

I am so proud if you. Keep going. Even if it's to get through that minute and then the hour. You can do it.

[@kristiirving560]

I rarely see you with your hair down. You have beautiful hair! You’re so strong and your parents are amazing people. Prayers for you sweet lady.

[@fionajudge7874]

You are so brave, and I really admire you. Also you have such beautiful eyes! They are such a lovely colour ☺️

[@Laura-bk6es]

oh sweet Fi. I am sending you so much love. I took time off university too (for a different reason) don't rush it. I know it's easier said than done saying don't rush it. it's okay to be tired, drained, sad, and frustrated. We all believe in you and want you to succeed. We are cheering for you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. All my love!

[@aliflanagan7669]

Every time you've stumbled, we've seen you get back up. You can do this 💓

[@lorenspath6538]

You can do this Fi! Please dont give up. I know its very, very, hard. I go through the fear of eating too. you are not alone, and it is not your fault! Youre doing great hang in there. love,Loren

[@hellymuppet]

If you choose to watch this back you can see how even though your increase plan and appointment was so so hard you are strong. You have so much trust in your parents which is amazing. Sadly my dad never got to even partly understand. You are stronger than you know xx

[@jackieedwards7691]

Stay strong you got this

[@daniellezaaiman680]

You are SO STRONG!!! Look at how you keep going, that's all you have to do! One small step at a time, you got this FI!!! ❤ 😁 🌻

[@jesshosler9870]

Beautiful Fi. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. Slow progress is still progress! You are loved and supported. Inpatient care is always hard. ♥️

[@mommylovesreality]

You're showing us what's REAL and that includes the sad, negative, wonky days. We see you and we support you, in all your happiness and sadness.

[@Doll.autopsy]

The comment about the bunny not having faces did give me a giggle. We love you so much, Fi and we're always going to be proud of you x

[@emilywagner19]

We have these plans for ourselves - what we think should happen, what we want to happen. But God’s plan is greater! Even when it seems like there’s no good or nothing left, He hasn’t forgotten you Fi.❤️ Show yourself grace like He shows us grace - you deserve it! You DESERVE love and happiness and peace and contentment🤍🥺 You DO!

[@ArmaOperator]

You’re doing so well. It’s so hard. The hard line is it’s anorexia that doesn’t want you to go to hospital to get better. Imagine if it were cancer with your life on the line. Yes hospital isn’t fun for anyone but you’d go because you know that’s how you get better. I know how hard that is to hear because I’ve been there. But for me it was the straight talk that ultimately made me do it. I’m sorry if that’s not right for you and please ignore if it’s too hard. Wishing you so many wellness vibes xxx

[@sophietrenier5444]

Love your lama sweater. And you look gorgeous in this little skirt. So proud of you that you ate your full dinner. Congratulations!

[@throughrose-colouredeyes6284]

you can't "just eat," because it's a mental illness, fi. i relate to not understanding why you can't just do it, as you say, when you want it so bad. eating disorders are hard, and confusing, and unfair - and when they get a grip on you - sometimes you need all the helping hands you can get (as much as your head may want to push that away) to lift you out of it, as it can be too hard for just two little hands. you are trying and doing so well, despite how challenging it is. you have dreams and things you want to do in life. but you won't be able to do it like this - our brains and bodies need to be well enough to do those things. if you have to go into hospital (which i hope you don't, as i know how horrible that can be), hold onto those dreams and all of your hope, and keep that fighting spirit you have had this whole time. no matter what happens, it is going to be okay. you are going to beat this - whatever that looks like. sending you all my love, hugs and smiles. don't give up on yourself, fi. you are so special to many. xo

[@lisanancoff3462]

You managed it well ! I sure hope you are feeling better, Fi ? ! Keep going sweetie ❤️

[@jennifertaylor5716]

I wish you could see what we all see - someone who has so much beauty and fight in her. Please know that you ARE enough. Even when the voices in your head tell you otherwise, you are loved, you are incredible, you are a fighter, and you WILL overcome. Illness doesn't define you, it's just one part of you. Make it the smallest part of you. I know you can do it. We are all so proud of you

[@courtneymcguffee5753]

Breakdowns are unfortunately part of any process of change. What I saw in this, and what I hope you see too, is even though the dinner portion was hard...you ate all your other planned meals and snacks anyway!!! Fi, that's a BIG DEAL!!! You're doing absolutely fantastic. I know it doesn't always feel like it, but you are making progress--mentally.

[@lisamedlyn3818]

I am a mom of an adult child with health issues and special needs. My heart goes out to you and your parents. It must be hard for them to watch their sweet daughter not be well too.

[@sandee1000]

You r strong. Dont worry about uni.

[@sandee1000]

It is not going anywhere. Do what you need to do!!

[@avateller1200]

I see you doing it. In the anorexia maybe feel so strong because it knows you’re getting stronger because you’re doing it. I’m proud of you.

[@Mel66743]

Hya Fi, after following you on Instagram this is the first video I’ve watched on here and it’s much more in-depth. I struggle with my weight but the completely opposite end of the scale. I’m 35 had have abused my body for decades and as a result I’m really obese. I’m not going to pretend I understand what you are going through but I feel your pain. You have come so far I feel like you are being a bit harsh on yourself, you’re not giving yourself enough credit for the hard work and determination you go through every single meal time. University will still be there next September ready for you or it could be the following year it’s not going anywhere. I can’t help but feel that you’re worrying about your parents now but I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to worry about them. Do you mind me asking if you have any psychological help atm. I’m sorry about the long post xx

[@prayer_tent]

It is normal to have struggles Fi. The main point is to not give up but to keep moving forward, which you are doing and I believe really well. When things are hard and tough cry out to Jesus, He will help you. He loves you Fi and if you want His help all you have to do is call out to Him. Praying for you hon.

[@chloecornwell5432]

Who does your braids? They always look great!!

[@kalees7346]

Hi Fi. I don’t really have anything helpful to say but I just want you to know that I’m holding space for you and your feelings. ❤️

[@pidohuntress7385]

It took a long time for your body to get used to starving, it takes a long time for it to get used to eating again. Be patient with yourself, you are doing so well.

[@jas1265]

Whatever happens you can get through this but maybe IP could be better this time and also help give your parents some respite? Yes it can be really awful but many people also have positive experiences even after negative ones if they are in a better mindset themselves. Short term stays are much more common these days as I’m sure you already know and it sounds like your team really want to work with you which will make a huge difference x

[@lisbethkinch4667]

I followed a person with and ratings disorder, and she got in contact with the Butterfly Foundation, om their webside in Australia. She talked to a lady, who suggested that she should do lists. Pro and con for illnes and pro and con for recovery. Maybe foring that Will help. you when you feel low.😍

[@catherinemitchell3721]

Why are your yogurts lite/light?

[@Fly-uc3mo]

Why do they want you in a hospital? You seem to be eating everything that they give you even though it’s difficult.

[@NinasHere4U]

I wonder if it's because she burns through the calories that she's eating by exercising and not sitting down to rest? She's talked about doing that. 🥺

[@Fly-uc3mo]

@@NinasHere4U I didn’t know that

[@chickadee_e]

@@NinasHere4U that and she is not eating near enough to restore weight. It takes an incredibly large amount of calories to gain weight when you're this malnourished. Fi is no where near this amount. She is not even eating enough for someone to maintain a normal weight.

[@jenniferneiheiser8138]

Fi, are you involved in or can you find a 12 step program for help in your recovery?? Recovery, of any kind, is so so hard, but it should not be all struggle. There is joy, too...relief, peace, letting go. A Power greater than yourself can be the answer, help you to TRY less, but TRUST (in that Power) more. When an alcoholic tries to stay sober without a 12 step program, often, he/she is (what's called) "white knuckling" it....holding on for dear life as they try to do the right thing. A program and relationship with others in recovery and with a God of your understanding can help you (us) to allow God and the program to do for us what we cannot do alone. It is a miracle. The 12 steps are a miracle! PLEASE consider this!! I see your angst and your struggle and your white knuckles. There may be another way...one of release, serenity, surrender. Not easy. It's never easy. But it can be simpler.

[@michellebishop2994]

You've done amazing Fi . But inpatient may not be so bad sometimes we need to relinquish are control. I no what it's like I had an E.D since I was 7 I'm 41 I've been inpatient alot. Uni will always be there ❤️ sending you lots of love ❤️ 🫂 🤗

[@hummingbirdindy]

It's a day with rough moments. If you conquer those rough moments, wouldn't it be a good day? Moment by moment also means the tough moments pass and good moments can be present!