Finding Faith After Trauma - Abuse & Assault in the Church

I've been asked if faith has helped me through my amputation - or, if I'm angry at God. It has - but faith is a very complicated issue for me. Trauma and faith have been intertwined throughout the past seven years of my life. I grew up in a conservative Christian homeschool environment until all hell broke loose when I turned twenty.
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MY AMPUTATION STORY:
• HOW I BECAME AN AMPUTE...
Fourteen years of pain and failed ankle surgeries brought me to 2018, when I made the difficult decision to become a twenty-seven-year-old below-the-knee elective amputee. This channel is to document my journey of amputation surgery, recovery, and reclaiming my life.

[@FootlessJo]

Has faith or spirituality impacted your own life or journey?

[@julierocco76]

I have no specific religion. I am spiritual not religious even though I was raised Catholic. Organized religion always has me questioning if their motives/agendas are pure.

[@cape6609]

I don't consider my self as a follower of any religions, I gave my reasons in a reply to someone else's comment.

[@kaylaanderson7450]

Christianity gives me hope. It's the light at the end of the tunnel.

[@paytonpemberton]

Footless Jo 100% if I didn’t believe in God I think I’d probably have committed suicide by now honestly. I’ve seen Him work so many ways it ceases to amaze me. What seemed like the worst thing that could happen to me led to the best thing that I could ask for.

[@paytonpemberton]

Julie Rocco sometimes they aren’t. That’s why it is important to read the Bible for yourself in order to know if what they say is true ( something the Catholic Church definitely is at fault for)

[@allentroxel9719]

I also had too much faith in others and got burned. I found God while being in a homeless shelter. I dont go to church but I read the bible and pray. I believe that your relationship with God is a one on one relationship. And it has done wonders for me. Take care Jo.

[@CLDJ227]

Amen. Hope you are doing well.

[@cbartlett]

I really appreciate your openness and willingness to discuss difficult (and often controversial) subjects.

[@FootlessJo]

I appreciate you for listening! Especially on this one which is a more personal one for me than most. So thank you. :-)

[@alyse1995]

For the record, your slide on the rug was super cool. 👌🏻❤

[@FootlessJo]

Hahaha oh gosh, thank you! 😂😂😂

[@alyse1995]

@@FootlessJo 😉

[@amberm919]

I totally agree! 😉

[@catherinewylie6959]

The pet rat is super cool as well. They can make great pets!

[@emcheer0910]

I've typed so many different comments and keep changing what I want to say. I just want you to know that I appreciate what you're putting out in this world. Thank you ❤️

[@diankemp9908]

What really got me in this video is I am a male who was abused by a paster and I struggle to go back to church. You, as a female went through something much worse and made your life better. Something I aspire to and what you have said in this video truly make me feel like I can have a relationship with God as the people in church is the reason I don’t go. So thank you Jo for being an inspiration to me.

[@billkruse5383]

Hi Jo, I can relate to what you said! Bad things do happen to good people and I have found that I don't need to physically attend a church to practice a particular religion.I believe that God exists in all of us individually and I wouldn't put my trust in a mentor or pastor to provide me with guidance. As a former Police Officer, I was witness to many people who were not what they appeared to be! So, I put trust in myself in doing what is right and hopefully it is in God's plan for me! Keep on keepin on Jo!

[@healingways2293]

So sorry that happened to you. Your content is helping so many. Thank you

[@FootlessJo]

Thank you so much for this 💗

[@ajh3301]

I can’t believe how much our stories have similarities regarding faith, chronic illness, amputations, friendship loss…..Thank you for speaking honestly about all these things. I really thought I was alone.

[@Hawk1966]

I was raised casual Christian. Communion, Confirmation but I never felt it. I couldn't understand why. My folks let me stop going when I hit my teens, to the horror of my devout grandmother. I know it's kind of cliche but my biggest problem with "God" is his followers. I am, we are, surrounded by hypocrites who cherry pick the bits and pieces of the Bible to use against others. That's not how it works! A quote from a favorite movie "This [holding the Bible] is not a weapon! " I went through a pagan phase and I think a lot of that has stuck with me, not the ritual or the magic but when and where I feel spiritual, spirituality is in nature, especially in the woods. Sitting quiet in the woods (something that I ache to do again) I can believe in a cosmic consciousness, a grand everything. But it doesn't require rituals, costumes, buildings, it just wants us to get along. I don't know what I am. I don't want or need a label.

[@jennymunton8408]

I am Jenny from South Africa. I totally agree. You are brave and loving. I have had bad church experiences but have faith in God but not in religeous organisations.

[@jennalakes6334]

As someone who has a few chronic illnesses, mental illnesses, and chronic pain I am currently in the space of questioning my faith, withdrawing myself in a lot of ways from organized religion so this was just really helpful to hear someone else who has struggled too, but still has faith! I stumbled across your channel and I’m really glad :)

[@jackiekesler1920]

So bold of you to share! Thank you! I've grown up In church. I now go to a contemporary church where it's come as you are and I love it. In a different way but some what similar way I've been on a learning journey in my faith the past 2 years after two failed back fusions and at age 37 left with chronic pain and no real answers. So thank you for sharing, feels good to have someone relate.

[@shellcshells2902]

Our stories are so so similar..... wish you were closer because so many don't get it around me.... thank you for sharing all this... helps me so so much!

[@LimegreenSnowstorm]

I’m so glad you’re willing to talk about faith online! I was worried this was gonna be anti-church, but it ended up being very uplifting, and I’m so glad! I keep being pleasantly surprised by your videos. I am also a person of faith, and a devout member of my church, and honestly, faith in Christ is what got me through and continues to get me through trauma. I’m grateful to hear from another person who doesn’t blame God for the actions of people, and I pray for you as your healing journey continues. I’m looking forward to when God heals every hurt for good.

[@isayhi72]

I was brought up with a Catholic background and believed in God, but when my father's affairs came to light, I turned away from God. I was angry that he could allow something so awful to happen to my mom. Very similarly to what you felt, I wanted to just not believe, but I couldn't. I went through four years of extreme alcohol abuse and abusive relationships until I finally came home. My mom was going to a new nondemonitional church, and I was very resistant to going with her. But I did. What struck me most about this new church was how personal they made God seem. I wanted to know this God, so for me, my faith is about a personal relationship with him.

[@moniquecastelli8058]

Faith is a big part of my life, but the more I get to know God/Jesus the less angry I get at people around me who are crap and claim to be Christians. I know that sometimes that they will claim things in the name of Jesus or say they did it for Jesus, but they use that as a blanket to cover their own mistakes. It really ticks me off yes, but honestly my relationship with someone shouldn’t be judged based upon another’s actions. The God I know is merciful and loving and that’s all I honestly need to know! I want to live to be a good person and he helps me do that. Haha also to be a Christian is pretty much professing that you know Jesus as your savior and want to live to be more like him. Thank you so much for making this video by the way! I actually really enjoy just sitting and listen to you talk almost as if we were in person hanging out.

[@copicgirl8057]

I really admire you for your honesty. It's really horrible what you have gone through! I hope you are good now, like "really good", although those things can come to your mind years later and be very present for a time. I am really confident about these vlogs helping you a lot, although it's still "pretty new" because you started it mostly as a medium for your story about your amputation. It doesn't matter - you will make your way! :)

[@ayrios3172]

Jo, thank you for who you are and who you continue to be in the years after you posted this video. Life has changed around you, but you still hold true to being open and honest with all of your joys and all of your struggles. Thank you.

[@willepete4387]

You have the most thought provoking vids Jo. I think you are the best. As my father in law said "I am not going to let people throw me out of my church and faith!!" I converted to Catholicism many years ago from Southern Baptist. I loved the journey and the church and Jesus and Mary. As much bad press as the church has drawn, I still believe. Many of the issues that have dogged the church, have been found in other Christian faiths. To me, these issues come from fallible people who at one time had good intentions. We are human beings and are imperfect. Thus, what ever we touch can become warped. I tried to leave religion as I grew and matured because I saw the imperfections running rampant. One day it struck me, after many years of wandering, these people are not God!! God is the only perfect being in the universe. My faith should be in and with God!! Not the institution!! Jo, your experiences are not unique but they are personal. I think you made the right decision in how you approached your feelings. I pray your path leads you to a richer connection with Father and the son and the holy spirit!! I have many more thoughts but what I have shared should answer what you wanted us to share.

[@julienelson8162]

I know this is an old video, but I have been going through ALL your videos, because in a strange way you speak to my old should and old body! So . . . What you said about maybe not trusting people so much, but strengthening your faith in God . . . Really struck home with me, and is something I am working on, and will work on continually. Thank you for sharing this. I feel your pain, both literally and figuratively. Been there, done that, with organized religious communities/churches. Wanted to give up on God, but like you, I couldn’t. I guess one never gets away from the pondering, the doubts, the hurt, the disappointment, but we keep striving for the better understanding all our lives. At 72, I’m STILL searching, evaluation (self and systems), the world, family, friends, God . . . Guess I always will, and that’s a good place to be.

[@hannahsnyder0828]

I'm so sorry for all of the hardships you've gone through. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it isn't an easy thing to share. I can guarantee that there are many many people who will watch this that will be able to relate. Unfortunately sexual assault is very common in our world. You are such an inspiration to so many people! Don't forget that :)

[@erin9110]

As a Christian I admit that the way the church responds to abuse by its leaders has a looong way to go before people can say they know they will do the right thing. It's so awful what you went through, I'm relieved that you escaped that relationship.

[@maxinecalyptus1639]

Oh my goodness. I'm in too much pain to watch this now but you bet I'm going to be watching it later. Thank you so freaking much for talking about this

[@beckys2039]

I’m new to your channel and I don’t usually comment on videos but I just wanted to let you know that I feel inspired by you. I love your outlook on life and the way you articulate your feelings and views is just so respectful and (I can’t think of a better word than) wonderful! I would consider myself agnostic but with a faith in life and fate to always take us on the path that’s meant for us. Listening to your videos, and not just this one, is helping me to expand that view and also to sometimes take a different outlook on difficult situations. So thank you, and keep doing your thing! 💕

[@lonefaolan6042]

I grew up in a very confusing home. My parents are narcissistic and Christian. For me, mind games, psychological and emotional abuse along with Christianity were the norm. I never thought people were good. I grew up distrusting pretty much everyone and very fearful. I struggled with separating the toxic messages my parent’s actions and words sent from who God truly is. It is still hard for me to trust God, because of what I had experienced growing up. But, I have placed my small piece of faith in him. My relationship with him can be a daily battle, especially when I still fear, at times, that he will abandoned me. I hope this makes sense. I writing this while I am dead tired. 🥺

[@MrRichard1280]

Not really sure where to begin, but I do find it quite amazing that only about an hour just before watching your video I was engaged in something I hadn’t done seriously in awhile: Bible Study. Shortly after studying I caught the tail end of a preaching program I like, and low and behold; he was talking about struggles and trials. Tried in a fire, as to melt away certain things in our lives. How we ask at times: “God...why?” I say it is all quite amazing because the subject matter that ministered so much to me during my bible study was also about the “How and Why” we face trouble in our lives even as Christians. And then finally to your video, where once again; the same theme. Some commentary that was contained in the Study Bible I was using particularly stood out to me, and I quote: “Where many people become confused is because of the troubles they endure. They believe that they must have somehow fallen from God’s favor because of the pain they face.” ...and quote: “Understand that problems will come into your life. However, they’re no reason to believe that the Lord has stopped loving you or that you’ve somehow lost His grace. Just the opposite is true-“ ...end quote Personally; I needed to read those words, and hear that small bit of preaching...and also hear what you had to say from your experiences in life. I don’t want to in any way compare my experiences with yours, but I do know what it is, in hot pain filled bitter tears, to ask the question: “Why?” As me and my boys stood looking out the window of our soon to be destroyed home, wondering why their mama, my wife, still hadn’t made it home from work; it was then that a sad reality manifest itself...she wouldn’t be coming home that evening. I had became a Christian when I was around about 18. Lived it, breathe it, and it changed my life forever. I met my wife in church. She was quite and shy but also taught small children on Sunday mornings. Little kids seemed to flock to her. She had been raised in a Christian home, she had made her faith her own, and was the least likely type of person that one would expect to fail in the capacity that she would 14 years after her marriage and starting a family. That evening she didn’t come home was because she had forsaken her family for the sake of wanting to be with another man. My youngest son, who was around 10 at the time, started crying and asked, “where is mama?” Of course I couldn’t tell him what my suspicions would confirm, but only- “I don’t know”. Now came the “Why God?” “Why God would this happen to a Christian home?” “After living for you and trying to do things right, even marriage to a Christian woman...How God?” In probably one of the most powerful, fervent pleas I have ever prayed in my life, I fell to my knees and cried out toward Heaven: “CHANGE IT LORD!!!...CHANGE THIS LORD!!!...YOU ARE THE GOD WHO CAN DO ANYTHING...MAKE THIS STOP!!!” The heavens felt like brass. Sad to say the dark days that followed would lead to more dark days for me and my sons. Like you said Jo... I wasn’t mad at God. Nevertheless; I lost it after that. I again turned to drinking whiskey heavy; something I gave up after I had gave my life to Christ those years before. Got married to another woman on rebound who was the total opposite of my X. I guess I was looking for someone to party with, but really all that mattered most was the alcohol and getting drunk. It became all about me and my pain; to the point I neglected giving enough emotional attention to my sons, and also eventually destroying a new marriage. Like I said; I wasn’t mad at God, but the whole church thing was so tied to what was once almost a perfect life, something I had built my foundation on, and the thought of going back to it caused a tinge of pain in my heart. I continued my drinking even after all the destruction I could plainly see it was causing. It wasn’t until one final destruction that things changed for the better. Seeing I had lost nearly everything by now: my house, my cars, motorcycle etc. I ended up with nothing; to the point I was living with friends and sleeping on their floor. Every little scrap of money I came across was for alcohol nearly first every time. Guess I was feeling quite bold when at that time of my life I made a remark to someone, “Well I have lost nearly everything but my health”. It was almost like I felt it as soon as I said it...I had spoken the wrong thing. Only a few months later, while on my way to play guitar with a friend, I fell asleep at the wheel because I was tired and had been drinking. The accident left me quadriplegic with all that goes with that. Needless to say, I don’t think I have asked since, the question; “Why God?” Not implying that God cannot handle the question, it’s fairly obvious that I made bad choices, and He gave me the free will to make those choices...no matter how bad it must have hurt His heart to allow them. But I think that I understand things better now. Even though He allowed my choices that He knew would lead to my current physical condition, He also gave me another chance at life...and He has taken what the Devil meant for evil and has been turning it into something good. What I have learned is that God doesn’t fail. Rather; He’s a loving father going around behind us in this big house we call life, and picking up the messes we’ve made. As someone else already posted. “God doesn’t fail us, people fail us.” People fail us just as at some point we have failed in some way. Somehow though, it’s like a domino effect, at least for my life, which has led to spiritual growth, and I pray it has brought spiritual growth also for them that hurt me by pushing over the first domino. The Bible tells us that our war isn’t against people, though it seems like it, but against spiritual wickedness. And we combat that wickedness by putting on the whole armor of God. A couple I highlight are: the shield of faith and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6:11-17) We live on a planet of imperfect people. A fallen people in need of a Savior. Satan uses the things that he knows will discourage us from serving God, or reading God’s word. Sometimes it’s even things that aren’t bad like bad people or memories. We can be distracted by good things too. The Word of God is spiritual food for our souls. Sadly; even in the church, the devil has convinced many to be spiritual anorexics. 2 Timothy 2:15 NASB Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth.

[@ManSeekingChrist]

Richard Thompson wow. Thanks for the inspiration.

[@Kosss2001]

Incredible journey, thanks for sharing!

[@jodylishowid5719]

Faith was part of my youth as well. Not on a level of being in groups and such, but definitely still being raised by the rules of the church (attending on Sundays, holy days, Sunday school, etc). I am a medicine/science oriented person. So as a teen I began questioning as we learned earth science. It really came into question when a classmate passed away (cancer). Why would a God so good take a good person? That lasted for a few years. I began attending church again when I was preparing for my marriage. I felt good when I left each service. I would go to the 24 hour chapel, and just lay it out there. I would spew my fears and emotion and worries, and go through half a box of tissues. But, I always felt a sense of calm when I left. I questioned again after my grandmother died. But, I tried to maintain some sort of faith. No amount of medicine and science can explain some happenings in life. Those are what I call miracles, and they cannot be produced here. My amputation caused more questions. Mine was not by choice. It was traumatic. For someone who is usually the rock of the family, and very independent, it was just earth shattering. I remember just after discharge crying to my Mom. I kept asking why is God so mad at me? What did I do? I went back into the hospital shortly after for surgery on a secondary wound, then off to a nursing home for 2 months. Again, what did I do? One night I went outside. And I just talked. I talked to my Gran, my uncle (who was best friend and was gone), and God. I did that for a few nights. And I realized something. I almost died twice during my amputation period. The secondary surgery was iffy too. But, I was here. Talking under the stars, enjoying the warmth of the sun during the day. I was even enjoying the people even if they were decades older. Some of those folks had nobody. I tried to make it a point to visit them daily. Faith is a personal thing. It is always good to celebrate in a group setting (outside of service). However, they will not be there completely when you are facing something big in life. They do not live with you to see what goes on. It is soothing to me that I can close my eyes, and say that silent testimony when things are going haywire. It is always soothing to feel that push during a tough PT. Not to sound cliche, but I know he has a plan. Being a type A and a planner, of course I want to know what it is. But, when I start making plans for my future (and questioning if I’m doing the right thing), there is some sort of presence saying YES...DO IT! Faith, I have found, isn’t how much you attend church. Or go to Bible study. Or read the book at home (although I do try). It is about your own personal relationship with God. Will I pass the pearly gates automatically? Probably not. I am human. I would not mind being like Clarence from It’s A Wonderful Life though. Keep going on your own journey, and never forget that there is someone looking out. Sorry for the lengthy response. Guess I needed to chat today. 🤣

[@jackdavide5742]

Another great video. This one seems to be about your journey from idealism to realism. I think that defines many spiritual journeys.

[@FootlessJo]

Jack, I think that is a great way of describing it. :-) I was an idealist for a very long time in so many ways. Thank you for that, I like that. I appreciate your kind comment!

[@meaton3805]

I'm a lot like you in that I grew up Christian, went to a four year Christian college, looked like a really good Christian girl. But when I graduated a couple of years ago, I suddenly realized that I had been riding the faith coattails of everyone around me, and I had no real relationship with God of my own. Now I'm trying to figure out what that relationship looks like, not trying to please other people or play a role. I wish you well in your faith journey.

[@mariannetizzard1389]

I just sent you a message via your website, I wrote lots and then thought I don't want to share so much on a public forum, but thanks for being so open and honest.

[@laurlaurleb]

I’m glad that even though you were scared, you decided to share that personal story with us. That took a lot of courage. It’s awesome that you’re such a positive person despite going through this. Thank you for being you

[@lucyscandalo]

Hi! I'm Lucía from Argentina. Thank you for your videos, I admire how resilient you are and how authentic you sound, listening to you makes me really happy. And also makes me rethink many things. I hope nothing but the best for you!!

[@abbycolby4543]

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with faith, religion, and spirituality!

[@SharonCullenArt]

I live in chronic pain with an autoimmune disease Ankylosing Spondylitis. My faith was super strong as well and over the last couple years I have been questioning things. I grew up in a Protestant faith, but at 5 or 6 years old as I was sitting on the curb on my street (sounds scary but it was not a busy street and all of us kids did it) a voice came to me and told me that I should become Catholic. I didn’t know what that was at the time. I was a minority in my almost entirely Jewish neighborhood. It stayed with me and God told me to stay with my parents growing up in that faith and to make the move when I was older. I began to feel a pull to Catholicism over the years which grew stronger and stronger. I did finally have a Catholic friend who told me a little and andswerred a few childlike questions like why do we do the sign of the cross etc. but when I was away at college in my freshman year, I began taking the classes to convert. It is required in the catholic faith because they want us to understand fully every little thing about the faith. Unfortunately people who are cradle Catholics tend not to give a rats a$& about their religion and this is how misinformation starts to spread like wild fire and fundamentalists and evangelical religions like to hate on us. That is another long story but, I did convert in the spring of my 18th year. I met my husband who ended up being Catholic. I had dreams about him before I met him For years. I could see his silhouette, his hair etc but never is face. hen when I met him I knew he was the one. I never mentioned it until we were engaged. That was 4 years later. Fast forward to my illness. It sprung up as a child and was written off as growing pains which is often the case with this disease.. I am older and science has progressed but there is still a problem with diagnosis. It took 9 years for me and began in 2003. I am an RN and ended up on permanent disability in 2011. In 2014 I had to have major surgery urgently on my cervical spine (neck) I would fall down when I turned my head, or sneezed or jerked, etc. It would happen fast but then I would pop up again. I had an MRI and went to one surgeon who said there was nothing wrong with me, that my spine was fine. I said did you even read the medical history that you require before seeing me? He responded well everything is normal for your age. You have a bit of degeneration but thats it. I have ankylosing spondylitis! You can see this on an MRI! Then. I thought. This guy is an ass why did I come to see him. When I went to se my regular dr, she took one look at my MRI and said i want you to see this dr... she left the room, came back and said, he will see you now and his office is just around the corner.I thought Crap something is bad wrong. So I saw him an hour later. My spinal cord was so compressed it was flat as a pancake and if I made the slightest wrong move or got into a fender bender in my car I could have become a quadriplegic and would probably die on sight because it was so high up I wouldn’t be able to breathe on my own. My surgeon didn’t want me to drive home and he wanted me to have surgery the next morning but becasue of all my medication I couldn’t for 7 days. So he said go home and do not go anywhere, and be careful. He did allow one other dr appointment but no driving. Sorry this is so long! So I had gone to my pain clinic appointment. I am on pain medication for my chronic pain to give me quality of life. It was going to wreak havoc with the anesthesia and attempts to control pain afterward. They said they would do their best. I was taking so much post op which didn’t touch it. I was on a Dilaudid PCs pump, I had oral Percocet, Valium for muscle spasms, and my fentanyl patch which I was wearing, and had to wear through surgery etc. So I overdosed in the hospital and went into a respiratory arrest. I knew it was going to happen. I kept calling the RN taking care of me on a Friday night (never have surgery on a Friday staffing is cut in half on weekends) and this nurse was a bitch I am sorry to say. She accused me of not showing up for a sleep apnea study which my dr mistakenly said I was supposed to have had but it was my husband not me. She threatened to take away all pain medication if I didn’t stop pushing my PCs button so much which is ridiculous because they have a lock out so you can’t get too much. But I cried and begged her not to leave me alone. She walked away and left me. I went into a respiratory arrest, and woke up to the CPR team working on Me ! I didn’t realize it at the time but I was having a full blown panic attack and had never had one my entire life. I knew the signs as an RN but I was out of my head in panic so it all went out the window, and this nurse didn’t recognize the problem. I was just seen as a problem patient. So most of my pain medication was taken away and I suffered in the dark in agony all night long. I was alone (well I had a room mate that I am sure hated me) but was in the last room at the end of the hall from the nurses station. The panic attack last for almost 48 hours. And once I was discharged from the hospital that Sunday I went home and was calm. But later the attacks started again. Every time my spondylitis pain would ramp up I would go into a panic attack. I was diagnosed by my pain psychologist with PTSD 6 months after the surgery. I was never angry at God.. I believe in God but I keep getting nagging questions about the afterlife, and what will happen to me. I am baptized, I do believe but I made so many mistakes. We go to confession but there are no guarantees in life that you go to heaven. Just because we call ourselves Christian and have been baptized doesn’t mean a whole lot if you go out and kill someone and are not remorseful over it. One example. So I struggle and often wonder if because I was so close to God in my faith before that Satan has been working on. Me to pull me away. Idk. I have had a couple big miracles happen to me over my lifetime where God saved my life from a head on collision telling me to move into another lane 4 times before my car just gradually moved over. And within seconds the car came around the corner and flew by. And there was another, and as long as I stay focused on my memory of them I know God is real and in my life. But if I ever lose sight of it then I begin to waver a bit. And I went to a 4 year Catholic theology program too. I do think though that without my faith I would be in a much worse place. I just wish it were as strong as it was. I do know how to get there again in prayer, and meditation and reading my bible. I just have to do it. God deserves to hear from me. But anyway that is my story. And that is the. Cut down version. It is after 3 am and I am not going to proofread so I hope it is okay and understandable! God bless you.

[@hayleymarse2853]

I’m Catholic and I have been my entire life. I grew up in a very Christian family. When I was young (like 4-8) I had a super close relationship with God but as I got older I started to lose it and I started wondering if God really did love me. There were several things that happened and turned my life upside down and I felt hurt and betrayed and my faith stayed at a “I love you God but I don’t want you to be involved in my life. Just stand over here out of the way” sort of thing. It didn’t help that I lost friends because they hated the fact that I was Catholic. I started going to a Catholic summer camp and eventually I joined the youth group at my friends parish and went on retreats and started to get a relationship with God again but it felt one sided. Eventually I started to realize that I had to give more to get anything out of it and God started to answer my questions quietly. I had the amazing opportunity of going to World Youth Day (it’s for young Catholics from all over the world and there are talks and Mass with the Pope) and while I was there, there was adoration (when a consecrated host that is Jesus is placed in a monstrance and you can just sit and adore Him or if you are by yourself, sing or pray.) and so I just told God my heart was open to whatever He might want to say and my heart was super full and I was the happiest I have ever been. All of the questions I had been wondering were answered and it was incredible. Almost a month later I went on a retreat and I realized that I was finally falling in love with God completely and I felt so loved by Him. Tbh I can’t put it in words the feeling of it

[@susuoftexas7460]

I got my Kind Notes!!! Thank you so so so much ❤❤❤ I put it on Instagram TY

[@drewharris7785]

I had an argument with some dude in an "atheists vs theists" group on facebook because I told them I believed in God and they wanted me to basically prove God's existence. I have my reasons for believing in God, but they of course weren't sufficient for these dudes. My reasons for my faith boil down to "I'm still here." I've been through a lot, medically and otherwise, and I'm still here. Because of that, I believe that I'm here for a purpose, and if that's true, then the entity whose purpose I'm here for must be God.

[@jpreston3196]

You are very inspirational. I hope you can grow more and inspire more people. Keep doing what your doing. 👍

[@cape6609]

Haha, You Did Look Awesome! That mat is really cute. I can't relate to you, but this really opens my eyes to how horrible the seemingly best if people can be. Thank you so much Jo!

[@jonkicker1278]

I know this is over a year after you put this video out, but I am so sorry for what has happened to you. It is bad enough if it happens outside of church, but for a pastor to do it is so much worse. I do believe in God and was raised in a denomination but now am not of a specific denomination. I do have a strong faith in God, but not so much in humanity if that makes sense. By the way, the slide was pretty cool.

[@kristinas6227]

I love your videos💕

[@FootlessJo]

Thank you soooo much Kristina!!!

[@danilojosecanonizado8144]

Your a very GUTSY GIRL...WE ALL APPRECIATE YOUR SHARING OF YOUR PATH OF and in LIFE /\ REAL LOVE THANKYOU BEING PART OF A LIFE WORTHY TO LIVE /\

[@KatiaSwift]

Honestly, this was one of the loveliest videos I've ever seen, if that makes sense? Not in terms of what happened to you, but just how you talk about it, and the things you believe. I'm agnostic but my closest friend is Christian, and has gone through some really hard times and betrayal within the church, and I have as well. Your beliefs seem very similar to hers, and while I at this point choose to be completely confused (and enjoy it!), there is no doubt for me at all that God exists for both you and her, when needed, and is an excellent and lovely thing. All the love to you, you're a really fantastic and articulate person and I love watching your videos. ❤️ (Also, RATS 😍)

[@Ang_Nicole]

I really needed this, thank u.

[@susuoftexas7460]

I feel ya with the faith. Personal struggle at this moment. Good topic

[@andrevitelli25]

Hey Jo. I also had bad experiences with religious organizations. I understand that the actual problem is people, not God, because I was simply exhausted with the way that people make God function as "a religion". Those "languages of faith" and "kingdom culture" made me see that people is really blind on some subjects. And all that religious stuff (I'm just resuming, it's a very looong story) made me go away. I will always believe in God, but never again on what people is making on a church. And with this I don't want to be mean to people that goes to a church and is doing this right, because I know that those people exist (a few). But I'm just disappointed and I keep my faith privately and by my own. I love your videos and I always watch them. Greetings from Costa Rica! Keep strong, girl. 💖

[@angeliparraguirre7329]

I came up with the conclusion that people are the problem because the idea that an all powerful, empathetic creator or great spirit that looks out for us must be untrue. To each there own, but I always thought that keeping ones faith to thyself was a good yet difficult principle even when I was a theist, so that's admirable that you believe that.

[@catherinewylie6959]

Awesome. I started with a video of yours on migraine and ended up learning more about you and that you also live in Colorado Springs. I've been through some challenges in life and also have had my own relationship with a Higher Power, though I've never been religious as I was not raised with religion. Thanks for the reminder to not put so much faith in people instead of listening to my intuition (my personal takeaway at least.) Things always seem to have fallen into place for me no matter what health and mental challenges I've had thus far. People are resiliant. We are more resiliant than we know.

[@austinpatrick2682]

I so want to hug you for sharing this and putting it all out there. I have sooooo much to share on the subject but you know what, I'm not gonna do that here in a comment. I might just share it with you personally in a letter. I was going to comment that it's easy to get hurt when we put faith in people instead of God. But then you basically said that. Carry on friend, you have more with you than against you. P.S. I was having a really rough day, so glad to hear and see you. Your videos are like medicine for the soul!

[@jenlo3763]

I think I've always separated faith, spirituality and religion from people and humanity if that makes sense. What I feel and believe is that there is a higher power and guide for us all and whether we use this or follow this is up to us. People who have hurt you have chosen a different path and hopefully this won't affect how you listen to what you believe. You are strong and deserve to be able to enjoy your faith again.

[@julietohara2515]

I grew up southern Baptist. Never missed Sunday’s or Wednesday’s, church camps, mission trips, you name it. I then went to a Baptist college where I got my degree. I didn’t have any traumatic thing happen, but I had my faith in the wrong people as well. It’s really hard to be close to so many guys studying and becoming pastors when you know the “sin” they do otherwise. They were toxic people who are now leaders of churches and it really changed how I viewed the church. I would say I’m in the same boat as you are now. I believe there is a God but I’m not sure after that. I feel weird saying I’m a Christian but even weirder saying I’m not. I’m in a very gray area. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@brontecronsberry4106]

I am a LGBT identifying person who was raised Catholic so I can empathize with feeling a great deal of mistrust in religious institutions. I wouldn't say that my experience was nearly as traumatic as what you experienced but I had a similar feeling of being unable to reconcile my experience with religion with the loving God that everyone was talking about. I am quite happily an atheist now but I think the challenge of separating people from the religions that they claim to represent as you talked about is important even as an atheist. I have come a long way from where I was when I initially stepped away from religion and I now try to have a great deal of respect for people and their faith (as long as they are not harming others) even though I personally do not have a belief system.

[@jilgk2043]

Hey Bronte Cronsberry I just shared that under another comment as well as I‘m trying to understand and grow.. I can not say that I know what you are going through or that I can relate much because I‘m simply not in your shoes and everyone’s story is unique. But I do struggle with with many religions saying that homosexuality, transsexuality or pansexuality is a sin. I‘m a Christian myself and if we really believe that God made us after a picture of himself and that he is love, how can that be a sin? I came to the conclusion, as long as we act out of love and this love doesn’t harm anyone or brings out even more good and more love, then God is present in that as well. But many Christians I talked to backfire a lot when I express this opinion and they start praying for that I start seeing the truth.. this kinda hurts because I would say that I have a strong relationship with God but it makes me question myself and like you said makes me scared that I perhaps do or believe something wrong.. But then again, if God/Jesus is love.. then how can being part of the LGBT community be such a sin?

[@amandaorndorff3041]

I don't usually talk about my faith online, but here goes! The amount of sexual abuse that goes on in the church is really disgusting. I've even had my own brush with it, although not from an authority figure. The power just really goes to some people's heads, apparently. At least my denomination is taking some stands against it- pastors are fired and there is a lot of ethics training that goes on for anyone in leadership, even for our camp staff (that would be me). I think I was raised with a bit more honesty about the church than some people are, which is why my faith remains. I'm a pastor's kid, I've seen the nasty part of church politics. I've had to defend my mom from people who think she shouldn't be a pastor because she's a woman, and I've been in situations where I've had to hide some of my beliefs. Then, I've made a huge group of friends through the church who are so incredibly supportive and who are working hard to make the world a better place. It's true that I don't put my faith in people, but I can see their faiths working in them. God is other places, too, of course. I've seen him in the way the sunset is a little different each evening. I chat with him before bed most nights. He's gotten me through my own dark times in so many ways. The church tries, but it's flawed, too. God isn't.

[@catz257]

Praying for you and your husband, much love 💕

[@alexisfuller1503]

I am a Christian and I was going through a very hard time in 2018 (mostly related to an eating disorder that I had started in 2013 that got out of control) and I truly lost myself. During that time I was also dating an atheist and I broke down one night and he looked at me and said "Have you prayed about this? You should pray" even though he didn't believe in prayer at all, he told me to pray. That set me off, I was furious. "Why is this atheist telling me to pray?" In actuality, I was just mad at myself, not him. He was right. He remained calm and so helpful during my break down and he understood me as person, and as a Christian. I knew that my faith was struggling to exist within me, barely holding on. It never fully left me, I am still a Christian, right now I am actually dating a different guy who wants to be a preacher. I have crazy respect for my ex who told me to do something he didn't believe in, just because he knew it would help me. That moment was a wake up call to me

[@davidhall8874]

HI Jo. Just discovered your video about famtom itching. I have since gone back to last October and have watched many of your videos without comment until I got to this one. I do not see myself as a religious person although most people would characterize me as religious as I am an ordained clergy. Most people call me Pastor David and I serve two congregations. I want to thank you for sharing your story as I have learned much. I would love to chat with you about your faith journey but as I live on the east coast and not likely to travel to the west... At any rate I have often seen the effect of "bad Christians" and have even taught classes on "When Bad Christians Happen to Good People." My heart goes out to you and look forward to seeing more of your story.

[@Arcturus367]

Thanks Jo! Your videos are truely inspiring. I was raised Catholic but lost all faith in my youth. A near death experience changed that to some extent. But years later god gradually proved his loving forgiveness in a way i could never have imagined. With this state of mind I read the new testament and scriptures of other religions. Many of those may have their benefits and one is surely based on demonic influence. But for me one thing is sure: Jesus is the ultimate love coming from the heart. So I devote my life to him without attachment to any church or formalized religion...

[@angeliparraguirre7329]

I too was raised catholic, those we turned out different, I can relate to the main part of your comment. Live well, help others as they say to make the world better.

[@homeiswonderland]

Lite Catholic->Agnostic->Atheist->Pagan. I'm still figuring out how I feel about deities. I have a slight, respectful aversion to Christianity; I have Christian friends but dislike how much of monotheistic Christianity is EVERYWHERE in the United States. I wish I saw more polytheism and animism around. The whole Big-G God with the he pronoun is so... limiting. I don't like that. What makes your god more legitimate than mine? But enough about me--thank you for sharing your story, Jo! Brian is so sweet to have taken you to church like that as an atheist. And, from one sexual assault/abuse survivor to another, thank you for showing up and being authentic ;) Edit: Sorry, just got to the end--why would anyone send you a Chick tract?! What're you doing that's got your soul so in danger? Hope you get a hold with the sender, genuinely.

[@adriccochran4826]

@homeiswonderland I use to have that aversion, for me I realized it was illogical, though. My aversion came from the fact that I tend to be an oppositionalist and Christianity is the world's biggest religion as of now, but after thinking about it more, imo, oppositionalism is a bad idea

[@angeliparraguirre7329]

Cool cool

[@marilynscull4585]

You are one of the best person I know.

[@FootlessJo]

Oh gosh Marilyn, you are so lovely! What a kind compliment, you made me smile.. :-) Thank you so much, you've always been so supportive, encouraging, and sweet to me!!!

[@romywhite290]

I have faith and don't go to church nor read the Bible. I don't like giving away my mornings, lol. I also find more spiritual satisfaction in a history lesson than a sermon. Say... Explaining how such and such verse was translated into English, the way the King James version came to be (British monarchs used to be the heads of the church of England and could have the Bible rewritten for their own needs. Also King James was likely very gay), and the understanding of social structures in biblical times. I'm no expert and am vaguely familiar with these topics, but the little I've learned so far has given me more spriritual joy than say... A hypothetical story that ties into any pastor's sermon. The sermons always fail to mention that Jesus was a radical for his time, breaking social class structures to simply do good things for others, and the government did not like that. I feel youth pastory saying Jesus was a cool dude, but he was. I've recently been interested in visiting a Unitarian Universalist church or a Quaker meeting house because their approaches are very wholesome and more in line with my soul. Jessica Kelgren fozard has a great series on quakerism and how it works. There's no pastor leading things either. Anyone can talk, and everything is based in kindness. UUs discuss a whole host of religions and people find what works best for their souls. If you eventually feel like you need a group to talk about religion and spirituality with, try these guys. I'm looking forward to going myself one of these days

[@CLDJ227]

Thank you Jo for sharing your story, I admire your boldness. I hope that you are doing okay now in your faith and relationship with God. Also, while I agree with you about not putting all you spiritual faith in people, my hope is that you and your husband manage to encounter better examples of believers that can show you God's unconditional love. I'll keep praying for you and have a blessed journey.

[@BizzymomStudio]

So sorry you had to go through such a framing experience. I have always been seeking after God for as long as I remember... went to several different friends, never made a commitment to a certain denomination. I know God is real and raised my children in church, but ultimately it becomes their choice. I do serve and have served in a church for 30 years. I have seen some bad stuff, but that hasn’t shaken my faith in God, but I have learned not to put any person on a pedestal. They way you choose to have a relationship with God is a personal thing, just as any intimate relationship is.

[@peeceejay]

I’m atheist. Religion and god don’t make any sense to me. I truly believe that as human beings, were so damn strong and resilient and adaptable - and we don’t give ourselves the credit we deserve. That we earn. When someone faces adversity, and overcomes it - maybe even thrives as a result of the struggles - I find it frustrating and stunning that they would give credit to a god. Religion confuses me :)

[@legion1a]

I hate it when people diminish their own human strength by crediting God with something that they had accomplished all on their own. No help from God is required, so why pretend that God did something? Isn't it a sin to lie anymore? Why don't they consider telling lies for God to be a sin?

[@angeliparraguirre7329]

@@legion1a comments like yours reminds me why I started questioning the church in the first place. 👍🏽

[@trinitytalent]

Praying for you

[@jayallen7368]

I have faith in general. I have not been in church for years now but after this amputation I think my faith has gotten better.

[@FootlessJo]

I feel like my faith has gotten stronger after my amputation as well! I'm glad to hear that you're on a similar journey and that it seems to be going well.. :-)

[@johnswaim3919]

Faith in God; never in people. Wishing you all the best always.

[@leahbond]

You're awesome Jordan!

[@FootlessJo]

Awww thank you Leah!!!

[@LittleLulubee]

Hi Jo, I think it's beautiful that you came to a place where you stopped putting faith in people, or in organized religion, and instead are trying to develop a personal relationship between you and God. Because people are only human, and make mistakes. People have free will, so they won't always do the right thing- even if they're pretending to. Any person can give themselves a title, or wear a type of religious garb, or even go through the motions of a religion- but that doesn't mean they're holy, or spiritually evolved. There are such things are hypocrites and liars. There are people who get into powerful positions in the church because they're power hungry, because it gives them benefits that they wouldn't otherwise get, so it's ego driven. There are even those, such as sociopaths or narcissists, who enjoy the suffering of others, as horrible as that sounds. And even such people can be found in positions of trust- like teachers, doctors, pastors, etc. One of the downsides of being raised in a sheltered environment is that discovering how evil the world can really be can be a devastating shock to your system. It's important to never have blind faith in people. I'm so sorry you had to learn that the hard way. On a brighter note, Brian is AMAZING!!! How supportive of him to encourage you to regain your faith. That is true love ❤️ Take care

[@OroFlows]

As a Christian I want to thank you for posting this video. It makes me so upset that the devil so relentlessly pursues some of God's most favored children. I really do believe that God has a special place in his heart for you and I pray that God blesses you regardless of whether you read scripture or not. Attend church or not. Or even believe or not. We must never place our faith in men. Even Peter who walked on water in front of the Messiah rejected Jesus 3 times. If not even Peter could be trusted how much less an average man. Pray for all things and for all thing Pray.

[@joanc7816]

I'm a lifelong Roman Catholic. Was even a nun for several years (till FMS reared it's ugly head) I feel it's my love of God, my faith and involvement in the Church that has kept me sane all these years (I'm 72 now.) I was abused, too, but not by the Church. My Pastor and fellow Catholics helped me survive.

[@tina7151]

Im a Catholic but I dont go to church. I don't like going through religious "rituals" but I do think it somehow helps make us feel a connection to others and to a higher being. I hate how other people act like being religious will compensate for their bad actions.

[@MidiboyGregg]

Wow. As a Christian myself, this really makes me sad that multiple pastors did this to you. Please know that there are good Christians out there that are appalled by monsters like this. God bless you, Jo. One thing you said that is so dead on true is we cannot put our faith in people. People will fail us. God will not. Ever. If you ever actually want to have a conversation about it, I'm willing to talk. I promise I'm not going to "evangelize" you or "Chick tract" you. I'm honestly just willing to talk and have a conversation, however it goes. Also, I'd love to send you a link to my new instrumental album and would find it amazing if you used one of my songs on your channel. It's all original music and I would love you to hear it. Now, on to that rug and how "cool" you looked, you are correct. You are super awesome. I love your channel and while I can't 100% relate to you at the amputee level, I do find you very inspiring. I have had a lot of medical issues with my feet from a motorcycle accident I was in 30 years ago. I struggle daily with foot pain, so on that level, I get it. I really do. I also have osteoarthritis up and down my spine, my shoulders and my neck. I swear sometimes I feel like it's going to drive me insane. It's almost unbearable at times. No doctor has ever been able to do anything to help with that. I go to therapeutic massage twice a month (that's all I can afford because insurance doesn't deem it medically necessary...what do they know, right?) and it does help. I just wish it helped more. Ya know? Anyway, keep up the amazing vids. I watch you almost every and find something inspiring in each one.

[@FootlessJo]

First of all, thank you for such a lovely comment! I'm really glad that you have strong faith - I think that's awesome, honestly. I think most people of faith are appalled by stories like this...the problem for me is that I've run into it over and over. And this story is literally about 5% of the whole story (I mean, who wants to watch a 4 hour KZbin video? Lol). Which is why I think that last instance I talked about in a weird way hit me to the idea that I couldn't put any spiritual faith in humans - humans will fail. If God is God and is there...then he is outside of people. I've really been starting to enjoy trying to find Him again. Its an incredibly slow journey, but that's okay. ;-) I'm seriously always open to conversation! I'm so sorry that you've had so many medical issues too...and for 30 years.. .Pain for that long is so difficult and grinds you down. I wish massage helped you more, too. I found it never helped me either with any of my neck stuff...and also, WHY doesn't medical insurance pay for it? Its proven to work on most people...*grumble grumble*. I'm angry at them on your behalf. I get the feeling like you're going to go insane and the being unbearable....I really do. I know saying "you're not alone" doesn't really do anything, but....you're not alone. And haha I'm so glad I passed as "cool" sliding across the rug. 😂 Also, I'd LOVE to hear your music and see about putting it in a video!!!! Yes, please. You can find my business e-mail in my about section!

[@pauld3694]

Hi again Jo, I am so sorry for what you went through. I can't say I ever went through anything like that, especially being an able bodied guy. It's just awful. I'm sorry for what happened to your body, your sense of security, you mind and faith as well. I did want to respond a bit about my own faith (since you asked). Maybe this is me just throwing something out there just because. Anyway, I know I responded to another of your videos, but I don't remember which one, so I hope you'll forgive me if I repeat myself. So I am a "Christian", raised by Christian parents, but not the perfect Christian family by any stretch of the imagination. Definitely some issues there. But not much experience with growing up in the church. It was in my late teens that I started going back to church and doing so actively. But having issues with social anxiety made it tough for me to connect. I do have friends, most Christian, but it's tough to open up. So I've bounced around for years trying to figure out "God's plan" for my life. I've heard plenty of the "Christian-ese", and heard people talk about "God speaking" to them. I also lost both my parents, and just got frustrated with not having a family of my own and all, wondering why God would let me get stuck in this situation. I also got to the point where I started to call B.S. on some of the stuff I was taught... but basically my conclusion is like so many times before, humans have a tendency to add stuff to what God says. I still go to church, actually, I'm doing some church hoping right now. I also am considering how non Christians view us. There's been some awful things that so called "Christians" have done. One of the things I'm considering is how we've treated the LGTBQ community. I'm still trying to figure out what scripture says about it all, but some Christians seem to be about bashing them, or at least "not tolerating" them. Geez, what are we doing? No wonder so many don't like us. I guess though, I'm trying to sift through the added junk people have added to what "being a Christian" is. And honestly, as I look at it a bit more, I don't think being a good Christian is a goal of mine. It should be about a relationship with Christ, or at least that's what I was taught. What that looks like... I'm still trying to figure out. I know you filmed this 3 years ago, but I hope you can also work things out with your faith like I hope I can as well. Again, I'm so sorry for what you went through, and I wish I could say something to help, but I'm sure you've heard plenty. I'm sure you know it wasn't your fault, and that this guy was a scumbag. Anyway, God Bless.

[@Itsem32]

Wowwowwow I have almost the exact same story. Except I was 14 and he was 18. We met in youth group, we were dating, and he took advantage of me. He was verrryyyy manipulative mentally, emotionally, sexually, etc... but after I got out of that, the church treated him like a “sinner in need of repentance” and I was treated like I chose to have sex and the situation was “just too bad” I’m 21 now. I’ve left the church that I was raised and schooled in. And I’ve found peace in paganism😊💜

[@theamateurpoint8755]

I am sorry that so much trauma happened to you. I started to see this Channel like a week ago and my first video was "help". Then I found out you were an amputee by "choice". Now it's this horrible assault and trust breaking thing. I am not religious at all, but my parents are I would say Christian cause me and my brother were baptized and my brother got married in church. I didn't get married. I got together with a person and I have a baby girl. I don't believe in anything except science. My sister in law asked me what do I do when I am sick, what do I hold on too... Well, nothing. I was sick for 7 years straight and did not make me start praying. I just went on cause I couldn't end my life. I guess my anxiety is bigger because of that - if I had something to hold on to and don't feel so empty at times, but I really don't believe. It is what it is. My daughter gets the credit to have taken basically my anxiety away. I don't have time to focus on my head so I am temporarily cured. Ahahha also medicaded with antidepressants and at home because of the pandemic.. I have social phobia, so being able to stay at home and work from here has been a treat for me. Well, not much considering I have a 2yr old always on my tail, 😊 but I have learned to let it go... I can't be a professional while taking care of the baby at the same time. It is what it is. Rambling? Who, me!? 😜

[@RedHeadGuitar]

Your conclusion sums up my thoughts about faith in many ways. Faith: Everyones right, no matter which religion; I'm not a religious person but I don't like passive-aggressive atheism either. Because if somebody finds hope and positivity in religion and doesn't harm anybody through it, then there's simply no argument against it. Au contraire, it can actually be a beautiful thing. Churches however: Far, far too often toxic constructs. I've heard similar stories from so many people... Bold statement: Belief does not need any leaders. Where's leaders, there's power and where's power, there is and always will be abuse of power which will cause harm and renders all those preached values to senseless hypocrisy.

[@funkyk5086]

Thank you for sharing. You probably don’t even get notifications of comments on 4 year old posts. But, I am so grateful you’ve shared your story. I was raped repeatedly when I moved interstate to study in Australia. I’d grown up in a Christian home, with a very conservative Mum and Dad who followed her lead, albeit had violent outbursts at times and other times was the provider of comfort (he had a chronic mental illness and basically I was told to not take it personally when he was violent), but I digress. My first sexual encounter ended before it began as the guy didn’t want it to be a random hook up and I’d been drinking. But something flipped in my brain as a result. After that, three different guys on three different occasions tried to initiate sex with me and I just froze while they did what they wanted. The first time was outright rape - his flatmate even came in to join in, but was told to go away. I snuck away when he passed out and was badly beaten. The next time a guy acted all arrogant that I was saying no to a one night stand. And I didn’t know how to keep my boundaries up, so just let it unfold in ways I didn’t want to. The last guy decided I was an easy target as I was sleeping over, and again wouldn’t take no as an answer, so I just lay there. When I moved back home, I was raped for a second time. I’d been more sexually active by this time as I figured I was worthless. Plus he had heard I slept with married men through mutual friends. My sense of self worth was destroyed - especially when my best friend tried to get me to drop the charges against him. I ended up in a physically abusive relationship with a Lutheran man who put my own faith down as unequal to his. And he had me so downtrodden it took me a week to break up with him after he literally punched me in front of friends. So what you’ve said in this video about having Faith in God and not in people makes a lot of sense. In fact, I’m on Sunday School duties this week and will include that idea in my teaching. I struggle with forgiveness (both for the guys who raped and abused me and also of myself for being in situations that led to these things happening and being too tarnished to be saved). I can’t seem to ever forget what people owe me either - even though I’d never ask for money back. I’m just so stuck. So I will try to focus on faith in God and see how my journey goes. Sorry for the long comment - it’s 4:30am here and I can’t sleep. Thank you for spending some of your precious time with me - I truly appreciate it xxx

[@nat-815]

It's really hard to describe my position or belief when it comes to faith and god, I was never a Church kid my family didn't go to church, my extended family did (grand parents, aunt, uncle, cousins all of them) so I never had any real deep belief in anything and then as a teenager I worked with this woman who was so lovely and caring such a great mum and mother figure and protecter to all the younger ones who worked the overnight shifts, I learned she'd actually lost her first child after 3 days and you question how if there is a God how could that kind of thing happen to such a beautiful person but at the same time I've lost people in my life and recently lost a beautiful pet and for my own piece of mind and to be able to carry on I have to believe that I'll see them again. It's hard... I'm not sure what I believe, I want to believe in some kind of higher power not quite a God but someone who is sitting or playing with with my dog on the other side of the rainbow bridge and playing checkers with my grandad... It's a hard thing to explain, I think for me it's not so much as a search for faith as a search for comfort

[@at_czarli6637]

I was never a religious person and i've never had faith. I'm living in a catholic country tho so it wasn't really easy. Also im a young girl openly gay so the catholic community here don't like me very much and gave me a hard time. But i would like to have faith. I think the life would be kind of easier with it.. like knowing you are not alone because there is god and he will be always with you. And having this specific rules which can help you in life. And Jesus was a great guy in bible. :P ^^ Thank you for taking that topic. Im very interested in it and i cant wait the live :D

[@hayleymarse2853]

Just an FYI, the Catholic Church as a whole (I cannot speak for every person but I’m talking about Church teachings) is fully loving and accepting of people with same sex attraction. It’s just homosexual relationships that the Church disagrees with. So you are 100% loved by God ❤️

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

As far as spirituality for myself, I questioned my faith as a young teen because of corrupt leadership, which lead me down a very strange path of extreme atheism, then semi-eastern religion, and now I sort of developed my own form of spirituality. I don't believe in a god as a single intelligent entity, but I do believe there will always be things we cannot directly understand or explain. I also believe in the collective consciousness, science has this terrible tendency to assume that because we haven't discovered it yet, it must not exist. I've always been obsessed with the mind, and I believe the soul is the separate entity that allows us access to the collective consciousness. The concept of "body/mind/soul" seems to exist in essentially every culture in some way, which I choose to see as very old wisdom.

[@angeliparraguirre7329]

Lmao that's not science tho. It is just that science wouldn't say something exists without the evidence or research to back it up. Specific scientists can have hypotheses about whether something is real or not. The famous example was back when they lost their shit when someone said hey what if there was a multiverse. Or that time a guy said the sun didnt revolve around the earth and the chruch killed him. That was a big oof.

[@eggspectations]

I grew up southern Baptist, Evangelical, conservative, the whole thing. I officially lost "faith" when I was about 15 years old, and I love who I am today. I personally used to be a bigoted asshole. Now I have the opportunity to explore the true answers of the universe around me. You should watch Mr. Atheist on KZbin! He's a sweet person, entertaining, and may help you find what you need ❤

[@mckwan9383]

I wish I had your strength. I was a Christian but 15 years of being homeless took it away. Now I have blocked god out completely. I don't know how you do it.

[@angeliparraguirre7329]

That's rough af buddy. Hope you're not still homeless. Where I'm from, the city does little to help people get out of that situation. Damn shame.

[@JoeShimHae]

I found your video by googling "trauma from church". Thanks for sharing...

[@driesbrosens3089]

i'm an athiest. There are many things in the bible wich i question a lot. I also find it verry hard to believe that god would want his priest to abuse women and children. but i do like the idea of faith and believing in a god. I just hate to see all the bad things it has caused (wars, trauma's,..)

[@hannahsnyder0828]

Hi Dries Brosens! I 100% get where you're coming from. I know a lot of people who have had loved ones taken from them in tragic ways and they wonder how God could let that happen. In this case, when we wonder how God would want or let his priest or pastor do this to someone I think it's important to remember that as humans we have the gift of free will. We make our own choices, we're not puppets for God to play with. So I don't believe that God wanted his priest or pastor to do something like this, that individual made the choice to do it, against God's will. Unfortunately sexual assault is extremely common (1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men). There's really nothing good that can come out of it, but sometimes survivors are able to make a difference for another survivor by showing them that they aren't alone. These are just my personal views and opinions though. Thanks for sharing! I always like to hear other people's points of view. :)

[@trinitytalent]

Just know God tests us all, even the strongest of Christians so keep going and never loose faith in God! NO MATTER WHAT!

[@Tat2Dragons]

Tabitha Huffman 🤣

[@pamblakeblakely7649]

My parents took me and my 4 siblings to wonderful Bible believing churches every time the doors were open from the time we were born to the time we graduated from high school. My parents were both Sunday School teachers. My dad was also a deacon and drove the church bus. My parents volunteered for everything. I was on fire for God! I have such great memories of growing up in church. But, our home life was just the opposite. My dad was an angry serial adulterer. He was also verbally and physically abusive. At one point my uncle was the pastor of our church but he had to resign because he had an affair. When I turned 18, I was so starved for love that I moved to Colorado from Ohio with the first man who ever told me that he loved me. We married, then divorced. I married and divorced a second. #2 beat me with a baseball bat. I joined the army and drank a lot 3-4 times a week. It wasn’t until 1-24-03 when I delivered my perfect 8 lb 12 oz stillborn baby girl that I started thinking about God again. In 2017 I dedicated my life to God. In March of 2023, I was diagnosed with stage 2 pancreatic, had surgery and chemotherapy. I’m now ‘cancer free.’ Oh yeah and plus I have Bipolar 2 disorder. I left God but God never left me. People will always let us down. I am eternally grateful to God that He forgave me of all of my sins. I don’t know how people go thru trauma and trials without God.

[@landofashley]

I love your horizontal book shelf! Where did you get it?

[@jonathanedelson6733]

100% dark chocolate is simply unsweetened chocolate. Think Baker's although there are others that really are more intended (and tastier) for direct consumption. I don't think I could chomp on a 95%+ chocolate, but I happily suck on really dark chocolate and let it dissolve in my mouth. Cacao nibs are another form of 100% chocolate; these get ground and 'refined' to make the unsweetened chocolate (think peanuts vs peanut butter); these are fun to eat. Look for 'nibby bars', cacao nibs in dark chocolate. Thanks for sharing your stories. They make me think about how I can be better interacting with other people Jon

[@Tiffairishgirl]

:) I’m a Christian but not specific organized practice of it. I.e. I believe in the basic aspects of it and in Jesus Christ but I am not a fan of how many people “interpret” the Bible to fit their needs but look down on others who remember the main Golden rule of love one another but are told by these other “Christians” they are sinners for one thing or another. Lol I also majored in Biology at a state university and love science. As I say “God showed me love, and in that my faith lies. And science showed me how wonderful a mystery He is!” I did get my masters in another major at a Christian university online. While I’m not fond of all the believes of that university, the online version doesn’t push one believe or another and gives you a chance to intermingle Christianity in your everyday life so I was able to grow in that way. I’m actually afraid of going to a new church because I know that eventually my beliefs that aren’t always popular in a church will get out. I found one church that kind of shared my believes but I left that city and am not in the mood to explore right now so I enjoy Christ in the music I listen to and my own continued exploration. Me and God do go on outs at times cuz of my health issues but I’m getting back to that spiritual connection I’ve missed during that time. Like you said I’m not necessarily mad at Him but it’s hard to explain :) (lol especially without telling my life story).

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

9:37 Actually did look pretty cool 😀😎 Very much appreciate you talking about this, it couldn't have been easy. Sadly this kind of thing is all too common. I think what you said about putting your faith in people is huge, organized religions have a tendency to lionize the spiritual leaders when they are just as human as everyone else. I'm sorry you had to go through that

[@amberm919]

What kind of faith do I have? Like you, I struggle to call myself a Christian. Although, I can not say it is for the same (terrible) reasons as you. Something you said hit deep for me though... “putting faith in people, a little too much.” It’s hard to differentiate faith in people and faith in God sometimes, maybe? If that makes sense. Because the spiritual leaders in front of you are “representing” God, we (I) hold them to a higher standard . When they fall short or fail horribly (turn out to be a nasty monster), it is hard to keep faith in anything at that point. For me it’s about two things: Relationship (with God) not religion and love. So for the true meaning of the word, I am a Christian but I struggle with the organized part of it and becoming to involved/invested in the church part. Not to be preachy but 1 Corinthians chapter 13 says it all, LOVE.

[@Englishforclasses6th11th]

I like it

[@p.michaelpell6540]

I used to have faith until my world came crashing down at my feet. Now I just have unscientific belief... We all had to come from something right? Now mine wasnt the type of tragedy that you suffered from( which btw I'm terribly sorry that you had to go through that. You are much to kind and sweet to be blindsided like that from someone that should've been more trustworthy from title alone). Mine would require a bottle of something 80 proof or higher to flashback to...:( Take care Jo Jo...=)

[@audra.l.p3658]

As a Christian myself, I want to apologize for all of those horrible men you had to unfortunately stumble across. No one should ever have to go through that. They may have labeled themselves as Christian... But they *certainly* were not. I'm also sorry they have made you so that picking up the Bible triggers you. Something similar actually happened to my lead Pastor's daughter. Let's call her Abbie. When Abbie was younger, her family used to go to another church. Someone on the staff there had sexually assaulted her. Luckily, her relationship with Christ is stronger than ever. She's also happily engaged. I'm also happy that you at least do still have faith in God. Something is better than nothing. But since you asked what your viewers believe in, let me tell you. :) I am Christian. (more specificly, the Asemblies of God version 😂) I believe 100% of the Bible. Thank you for sharing your story. I love watching these because it let's me get to know the person just a tad more. 💙

[@gerdien7946]

Audra.L.P I’m a Christian to. That’s a beautiful comment you know!

[@Cerezo.lindsey]

I have a close relationship with God but I dont go to church anymore nor do I have the desire to.

[@inhalethegoodshit]

Hey, I hope I’m not asking too much, but I was just wondering, did you tell your parents about what happened, and if so, has it shaken their faith? I love your videos and outlook, keep doing what you’re doing, cause it’s amazing

[@davegoodridge8352]

Sometimes as a guy I just feel ashamed at the harm some men have done. I’m sorry. I am a Christian all my life, but as I’ve gotten older the less sense life seems to make. I once had it all figured out, not any more.

[@221932248]

God is not dead. He loves you no matter what. All you need is a relationship with him. Keep up being who you are.

[@karenjames5842]

Yes ,