Finding the Balance of Faith and Doubt in Prayer & Community

[@trailrvs]

My heart is so warmed at seeing and hearing you are beginning to do better! Prayers continue for you as you embrace the image of God and the relationship Jesus has restored for us with God! And fishing is very biblical!

[@cephas3534]

Ali-Marie, that you are able to produce such an honest, beautifully eloquent, testimony, shows me that you posess the inward strength to come through your present trial sooner than you might think right now. Your prayers, combined with all of ours, insures that God is most definitely on your side, and that God will help you come through this tempest, to the calmer, more peaceful, other side. A message God frequently gives to his people, numerous times in the bible is, do not be afraid. Not that I'm saying you are afraid, but I certainly lets fear get the better of me sometimes, then I remember God's words to us. I will pray for you Ali-Marie, your family, your friends, but I have no doubt whatsoever, that you will overcome this moment. God bless you, and keep you safe, Ali-Marie. 👃🏻

[@antoniopioavallone1137]

There are so many things I want to say. The first is that I will keep praying for you Ali-Marie. The second is that you don't have to take personally what people said about your way of dressing (being more relaxed with clothing in a hot summer), since they usually exaggerate and project to women their shame for their sexual sins or struggle in order to better cope with that. Third, you have to be careful: the problem with coping mechanisms is that they never solve the problem, they only diminish pain temporarily. Don't do things you will regret in the future, like I did for the same reason. I know it is very hard, but what you should do in that situation is being stoic; in other words to face and accept the suffering and your current situation without denying it and believe in divine Providence. You are a very strong and virtuous woman, don't let the person who hurt you to change who you are. The Lord will use this situation for a greater good for you and others. Be bold and courageous sister, many people, including you children, depend on you. God bless you❤!

[@LisaFillmore-dm4go]

God is not petty. And He knows our intentions in the clothes we wear! He wants your heart & soul!

[@godfreydebouillon8807]

Thanks for your testimony in your ongoing struggle. Job, David the suffering of Paul, and all the heroes of the faith who suffered and triumphed, gives strength to all of us when we suffer, and your suffering and your triumph will too!

[@Shardalon]

i am glad things are improving. Please just continue to cling to Christ as your comforter.

[@sihatch670]

Hooray for improvement! I have been struggling myself. You are not alone. I will pray for you that it continues to get better!

[@DanielBShaw]

When I was 5 years old I saw my mom crying and asked her what was wrong. She had always seemed happy and content, so it was strange to see her so upset. She told me never to ask that question again. I think something had happened between my parents. They remained married, but things were never the same. They never resolved the issue, and this created all kinds of problems. Things just got swept under the rug. Now that I'm older I think there must have been some type of infidelity.

[@exatheist369]

it's never the same...

[@SharonCullenArt]

But with God and two parties who want to change it, it can be done. My husband and ijust celebrated 41 years.

[@allyreny]

My comfort verse in times like this is Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you Be not dismayed; for I am your God I will strengthen you, I will help you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand I’ve also been in a season of distance from the Lord. I haven’t been in the word, we haven’t been to church (obviously because we have a newborn), we haven’t been to small group (also because we have a newborn), and some of the circumstances surrounding our baby fostered some anger in my heart towards God. I’m probably suffering from some postpartum depression, which I’m trying to power through with 5-htp until my hormones reach some sort of equilibrium, but it’s hard. Anyway, all that to say my heart is with you in this season, and you’re not alone. We all have seasons of weakness in our faith, and I’ll be praying He fortifies you 💛 On the topic of modesty, let’s be realistic, a linen dress with spaghetti straps is pretty modest. That’s not something you wear with the intent to garner attention from the men around you. It’s something you wear keeping in mind the heat and considering comfort. Sometimes, Christians feel the need to nitpick each other because it makes themselves feel better about the areas they fail in. Please don’t internalize that. Unfortunately, we’re all still a flawed people. You are beautiful, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and your heart is set on just finding yourself again after giving birth to twins by the sound of it. You’ve been wearing maternity clothes for the last while!! You should be able to find clothes that fit you and feel good on your body without feeling guilty about that. If you’re typically good stewards of your finances and you’re now funneling some money towards something that makes you feel more human, I think it’s okay. Besides, you’re shopping at Tj Max, not Gucci. Anyway, we chose Odelia for our daughter because it means “Praise God.” Our church’s worship team, crazy enough, released a song called Praise God (Vertical Worship) recently, and I’ve been listening to it nonstop. I also really like “Well Done,” by The Afters, that one always lifts me up when I’m in a dark place. Music is how I worship best too. I hope these songs bless you like they’ve been blessing me lately 💛 It’s okay to not always be okay. God said this life wasn’t going to be easy. You’re doing great, and you are loved 💛

[@505LuckyandStephanie]

I saw your video from last week and didn't get a chance to comment. It was actually the first video of yours I've seen. Im.glad to hear you're doing and feeling better. Been struggling as a newer Catholic convert who's been discerning the priesthood, and I think our struggles are setting us up for something greater.I will be praying for you.🙏

[@Peter-GG]

Praise God for moving in you throughout all this (and around you, through the support system you mentioned), empowering you to slowly but surely begin rising up from this trauma. Of course it's not a linear process -- no journey in life that really matters is. But I love how you brought in the Spirit, as "seal" and "pledge of our inheritance" already now, even amid desolation -- this is better than any linear process! Just as Christian "hope" (even when it's "hope against hope") is infinitely stronger and more present than even the most optimistic worldly prognoses. You and your family will certainly remain central in my prayers. I have to say, I'm disgusted that anyone could watch that previous video in which you shared how broken you were feeling, and take that opportunity to criticize your dress. Even if there _were_ anything wrong with it (which never even occurred to me), talk about misplaced priorities! On the matter itself, yes, balance based on your own informed convictions sounds exactly right. I've heard it said (and I agree) that below the surface, the Playboy Mansion and Taliban Afghanistan actually represent 2 sides of the same coin in objectifying women. A genuinely Catholic/Christian approach has a completely different starting point.

[@timrwhippo]

Glad to hear you're starting on the path to Healing and that you have a good group of people around you. Just want to know that I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers every day. May God continue to bless and help you.

[@AD-vl8dd]

Due to have my 2nd baby any day now and going to offer labor pains for you 🙏

[@paul_321]

Doubt is okay, just know your posts help me in my doubts. Thank you for your posts here and on Instagram. Praying for you and your family

[@paul_321]

Loving your Instagram OOTD. Keep posting 🙏 love your humble and modest content

[@flynnmudd9396]

I’ll be continuing to pray for you!

[@Elizabeth_Lucy]

It's good to see you smile. I will keep praying for you.

[@jessicacrawford10]

I'm sending you an Internet hug, and lifting you in my nightly prayer. ❤

[@victoramogu3708]

Dear Ali-Marie, as you said the holyspirit has been left with us as a guarantee of our salvation and Gods promise that he will never leave us. He is a sign to you in this tough time. He is there, right there with you, comforting and bring peace to your heart... we are praying for you

[@TedfromTorrance]

Prayers for you! 🙏✝️🌺

[@anthonyhulse1248]

I agree the choir belongs in the pews. I’m happy you got your voice back. Possibly pray for St. Mother Teresa to intercede for you.

[@SharonCullenArt]

Still praying for you.❤❤❤

[@Joyfully_life321]

Give yourself grace ❤

[@mpasaa]

Just remember, this life is a journey and we aren't meant to stay here or build things here or gather material wealth in this temporary life. The most important thing is that we are ready to die at any time....as the saying goes Memento Mori.... remember that you must die. Not to be morbid or obsess over death but we have to keep this life in proper perspective. As St Alphonse says....why would anyone build a life in a place that they will reside only temporarily and neglect focus on Eternal life where they will live forever? Just keep yourself focused on Jesus and Mary and He will not abandon you....He promised us .... Ask and you will be given....stay positive...

[@exatheist369]

👍👍👍 and one more tip from me.. always Stand Your Ground And Show No Fear!

[@LaJotaNaranja]

See if this helps (this is what I do): Difficulties may arise if we only focus on just one virtue (that's how we are by default), try to start working on a different virtue, this is somewhat difficult because you will be entering in an area that you are not used to but once you start, a whole world will open up. That may be the cause of your anxiety, you are focused on only one thing, or perhaps it's the opposite, you are taking too much at a time. _Saludos._

[@rujotheone]

Hope things get better for you. Also, I think you shouldn't be too strict on yourself.

[@frankieglynn6972]

🙂🙋‍♂️

[@ashermanning1589]

Sending my love to you Ali. I will continue praying for you and praying for peace and solace. Also tank tops in this awful weather are more than appropriate. It’s in the 90s to 100s. If anyone is looking at anyone in lust, that is THEIR battle to overcome. ❤️❤️

[@johnmacias2650]

Without details and specifics, it's difficult to know the extent to which you're dealing with things like scrupulosity or perhaps a tender conscience and the things that you feel like you're sacrificing or the causes of doubts, but it does seem like you're dealing with a toxic form of Catholicism/Christianity, one that responds to something like a video about guns by focusing far more on what you're wearing (and it doesn't sound like what you were wearing was actually inappropriate). The kinds of clothes you say you're now buying don't sound like anything that would be problematic (though perhaps the reason for buying things now and the amount might be problematic). "Purity culture" is definitely something that is not a belief of the Catholic Church. The Church loves and embraces our humanity, bodies, and our sexuality. The Church guides us in how to respond and best present the beauty of our bodies and our selves. I pray that, whatever is happening right now, you feel Christ with you and receive healing and peace. You may or may not have know this Thomas Merton prayer, but I think this might be of help: "My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

[@LlywellynOBrien]

Firstly, I am so glad things are a bit better. I pray they keep trending up! Secondly, if a guy has an issue with a dress like that, that is a him issue. How on earth would he even function out in public? I get that there are men who've been so damaged by sexualisation of women's bodies that little things can be a problem. That is tragic, but women shouldn't and can't be responsible for managing that. Heck, there are guys twisted enough to be into modest drrss specifically. Should women just stop existing? I am a Catholic guy and I agree there are some things that our sisters can help us out by avoiding, but a dress like this is so far from that line.

[@SheltonDCruz]

Your,re beautiful - ignore the detractors

[@BingoNamo-gb8pz]

“I am determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ & Him crucified.”

[@crazycoco313]

I have absolutely no problem with spaghetti straps, but I would add that we veil what is sacred. Like the tabernacle or the chalice… we veil our bodies because it brings forth life. 💙💙

[@dekat648]

I don't think you should wear a dress with spaghetti straps to church. I'm not American, but here in my church something like that wouldn't be possible either. Hope things get better for you.

[@BensWorkshop]

No one ever tells me that about my voice ....

[@danielmorin7082]

Modesty, hmmm, well that is definitely a moving target, one that differs from time period to time period, and from culture to culture. I mean once upon a time it was scandalous if a women showed to much ankle, and I think most people would think that forcing a women to wear a burka is over the top. Which leads us to your question were is the balance, for that I would go with what I heard a wise Christian couple once say on a different by similar matter, pray about it and see how the Holy Spirit guides you in your decisions about a certain article of clothing; if you feel that still but small voice convicting you about a certain article of clothing then don't wear it, if not then go ahead and wear it. Always remember GOD will not condemn you but will convict you so that you can get back on the right path. Romans 8:1 tells us “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” I hope this helps

[@jolie-brianawilliams1428]

I think the “judgement” you are getting from some people for wearing particular pieces of clothing is because you participated/participating in purity culture. You have a whole video about not wearing particular pieces of clothing (bikinis) for modesty sake. That’s where I think it’s coming from. To me it’s your body, it’s summer, but eh!

[@alimariehere]

Well, the video I referenced actually came far before the bikini video by years. I struggle with the “waterproof lingerie” concept of bikinis and whatnot… But spaghetti straps/showing shoulders has definitely been shamed apart from any purity culture stuff… I do think purity and innocence are important. I think they’re lost in our pornographic culture. It’s all unfortunate.

[@exatheist369]

Stand Your Ground And Show No Fear! and put dress back on xD

[@AnonymousViewer1000]

To my fellow guys commenting here, I just feel the need to make an accountability point. Please know that your comments about how Ali-Marie looks nice in spaghetti straps but you are unaffected by that, how you would be okay with seeing her backless, and that she is beautiful despite what the detractors say (No one said she was homely. The complaints she mentioned were about revealing too much beauty.) are giving away that you probably are affected. I am not being a hypocrite though. I admit to being affected by the spaghetti straps (and backless outfits would be even more impactful). To the women who think this should not be the case or want to pretend it is not the case, you are ignoring human biology. And as far as the climate argument goes, in most hot places in the First World where women claim they must be in sleeveless tops/dresses and short skirts/dresses to go to work (often in air-conditioned offices) because it is hot, the men are often wearing suits and industrial clothing to work (and a lot of men have non-airconditioned jobs). I am not saying that Ali-Marie is bad for wearing spaghetti straps. I just thought there was a need for some male honesty here (and I realize that I cannot speak for all guys, but I can speak for some).

[@PInk77W1]

Dress modest

[@BBMUniverse]

Stop closing your eyes

[@Daniel_V23]

Oh no!!! It's the "Eye Police"!!! Hide yo kids, hide yo wife!

[@FiatVoluntasTuaAmen]

There is a lot in this video. But just to pick up on one point....I am a male who had a similar lifestyle to you before coming to faith. I think for all Catholic men, lust is a massive issue. We are biologically programmed to sin in this way. The absolute worst scenario to be in as a guy is when a pure, innocent, chaste and well respected woman wears something as basic as a spaghetti top. This is way way worst for guys than some nasty online "digital creator" doing whatever disgusting thing they are doing. I think a lot of pure women don't understand the unwanted effect they have on men who are trying to be pure - but trust me it is a lot.

[@juanis8219]

Stop blaming your sickness on women existing, learn some accountability and get it together. When you’re experiencing lust realize how disgusting it is of you to look at somebody that way instead of trying to point fingers. Men and women both have arms and shoulders, both made in the image and likeness of God. Get. It. Together.

[@FiatVoluntasTuaAmen]

@@juanis8219 I would recommend that you calm down then go back and read my comment carefully this time

[@juanis8219]

@@FiatVoluntasTuaAmen I would recommend that you worry about yourself and your soul and stop looking for ways to point fingers on other people for your depravity. You can’t even see someone in a tank top. Please

[@emilyx1978]

Wow, you poor thing. A woman’s shoulders are the worst thing that could happen to you? What misery.

[@justanothername9055]

If a spaghetti strap causes your undoing, you need to work on that.

[@pitapita3559]

🙏💗❣