I am attracted to lesbians! | Discussing my evolving sexuality

Reflecting on how I experience my sexuality as a newly single transgender man. Sit tight...it gets random....
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Welcome to my channel! I talk very openly about all aspects of my life, not just my gender transition but also my ongoing recovery and about life in general. Subscribe for weekly updates and join the Finn Fam over on facebook for additional updates and live videos!
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[@transamjourney4728]

Such an awesome time for you my friend. Don't worry about what box you fit in but have fun and explore who you are. The right person will fall in love with you for you and vice versa!! I'm totally so excited for you!!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Ah you are so very kind! Thank you!

[@drusizemore1263]

After I came out as Genderfluid, my sexuality hit me like a ton of bricks. I figured out through lots of trial and error that I am Pansexual, meaning I'm attracted to people regardless of their gender or gender identity. My significant other at the time decided that all of it was too much and split. That was about a year ago, and I'm much happier and much more comfortable in my own head now. Granted dating is a little harder because of my gender, but it weeds out mean people. :)

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

That my friend, is a very very good point!!!

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

Hey, I'm also non-binary (though my gender isn't very fluid; I'm mostly neutral most of the time). Can I ask how you go about finding people who are ok with you being genderfluid? Do you get people who aren't accepting, and if so, how do you deal with those reactions?

[@drusizemore1263]

+SomeoneBeginingWithI Hi there! Finding people that are ok with it is actually pretty easy. Finding people willing to date someone like us is the problem. I usually disclose that information up front and gauge their reactions. The guy that I'm currently dating (cis/straight) is so wonderful and accepting, but I've had really bad reactions, too. I had a guy say, "Why don't you just tell me what is in your panties, darlin', and we'll go from there?" I freaked out and started crying. Stuff like that hurts. Never ever disclose to someone that you feel uneasy or in danger around.

[@betha2951]

I loved this video so much! I completely understand where you're coming from, I'm a trans guy but tend to find myself attracted to lesbians and straight guys too! I've found it really weird being attracted to people who like girls but not being a girl myself and it has been a bit distressing at times and makes dating really hard but this video helped a lot! I guess it gives you the opportunity to date lots of different people and see how you feel. It seems scary but it will be worth it when you do find someone you click with!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I agree...scary and exciting! Lets face it....for years we lived as lesbians so I think its a habit to look in that direction...i reckon we just need to retune that radar!!!

[@privatepinstripe]

Haha Finn!! Happy marriage aside, heaven forbid I should ever be released to process my sexuality - I know it has all changed below the surface. I know exactly what you mean as you say it - regardless of how fumbled you think it sounds :-) Anyway, as someone has said (or thereabouts) in the comments already, I don't really think you need to define it and I am sure that all this amazing energy you exude, is helping the universe pull the perfect human(s) into your orbit for when the time is right. Be well brother 😎✨

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

What a lovely comment thanks so much my friend!!! I am also glad to hear I made sense! Love and light to you !

[@misiolek2]

I identify as a lesbian and although I prefer women, I don't want to limit myself in any aspect of my life. I suppose nobody knows what's going to happen in the future and the end goal is just to find someone to share my happiness with - I don't want to miss out on my happiness because of a label :)

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Exactly that! Wonderful to hear you say that!

[@jesuitvampirewhoreoncrack7539]

+FinnTheInfinncible sexuality is based on which SEX you find attractive, not "gender identity". By your own logic sex and gender are different things soo....

[@jesuitvampirewhoreoncrack7539]

Emilia Podstawka no everyone can have a different sexuality, but the word itself "sexuality" means which sex or sexes you are attracted to..

[@jesuitvampirewhoreoncrack7539]

Emilia Podstawka straight people are attracted to the opposite sex, gay people are attracted to the same sex and bisexual people are attracted to both.. Genitals ARE a factor in sexuality, for example a gay man is not going to be sexually attracted to a vagina same for a straight woman..

[@misiolek2]

What about womasexual or masexual? Those are sexualities based on gender expression not sex. You can of course think whatever you want, but since you like definitions I'd suggest looking them up :) In the word sexuality/sexual orientation the "sex" part refers to the act of sex not sex as in what organs you or your partner were born with. Definitions are made by humans for humans to understand the world and explain things. With that said I think it's important to allow yourself to create your own definition of your sexuality that explains what your sexuality is. If it fits into a definition that already exists - great - if not then invent a new one. And if you don't exactly fit into any of the existing ones, but you feel like one of them is almost right and you WANT to label yourself as that - then you should do it.

[@CocaineKenon]

Oh my gosh Finn! I am in the same boat! I went from an uber masculine, over compensating manly man in my last relationship (of 6 years) to a completely comfortable (more flamboyant) gay man. I completely understand! You are amazing!!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Thats exactly what happened to me!!!!!!!!! :)

[@rorysizer8076]

Relate to this so much - thanks for always sharing your random thoughts!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Thank you for always appreciating them! And sorry I missed this comment!!

[@damianaugust8491]

Hi Finn, this really sounds exciting! Your whole life seems to be in motion right now. My advice would be, don't stress yourself out. Statistically, the world is half-full of people that lean a little bit more to the masculine side, I guess. Greetings, Damian

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Yes it really is, this breakup has opened up my inner and outer world!!! Thanks my friend, good advice!

[@sabrinasky]

Your honesty is fantastic, Finn, Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Thank you so much for all your wonderful appreciation! makes me very very happy!

[@sabrinasky]

Finn, Thanks are not necessary as you truly are appreciated so very much and deserve to have comments made that make you feel happy.

[@tuide9771]

Somehow your videos always seem to turn up at the perfect time. Your personality and the way you express yourself makes me feel really safe and welcomed here. :) I'm probably not much help on the sexuality/romantic attraction spectrum as I'm very much asexual and aromantic/grey-romantic. :') But I do have a boyfriend (also ace/aro) and we are in a happy queerplatonic relationship. It'll be two years this November.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

What a wonderful comment, thank you! Happy almost 2 years!!!

[@tuide9771]

+FinnTheInfinncible thank you > .

[@harehare]

Hey Finn, I´m in no place to analyse you (haha) but I get the impression you still have some stereotypes of both straight women and gay men. I think you may really like that masculinity aspect of people. But, and here´s a lot of speculation, probably wrong: the way you describe it is not necessarily "masculinity" itself. You seem to be talking about independent people with a more relaxed way of dressing and behaving, no so much concerned about social dress codes. You don´t like the Barbie girls, but they can be lesbian too; what you call "straight women" may be just uninteresting, stereotyped women, people you can´t relate to. The same goes for gay men. I´m gay myself and it can be quite stressful if you try to conform to all stereotypes of gay porn and magazines. Maybe it´s not the "gay" you don´t like, but just the Barbie guys: you might find non-conforming people who are gay too. Also nice video, you made me think about my sexuality as well :)

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Ah once you start reflecting on all this it gets in quite a tangle doesnt it! I tried to make apologies within the vlog for talking in such absolute terms buts its hard to be able to describe what I am feeling without referring to those stereotypical roles. I know that not all lesbians are "butch" and I know that not all gay men are "camp" , this was more me explaining where I am at. What I mean by this is that I like the characteristics in a person that are more commonly seen as male characteristics, this is what I mean by masculinity.

[@harehare]

I know! But don´t let this be an obstacle to enter these two new worlds, of the female straight and the male gay haha ;)

[@jesuitvampirewhoreoncrack7539]

+harehare trans people base their whole idea of gender on sterotypes....

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Its honestly not, which is the point of what i was trying to get across. I am explaining here how suddenly I feel my definitions of my own sexuality have been blown out of the water and I now have no idea who i am actually attracted to and that this is leading me to realise that in actual fact i am not concerned and am just open to falling in love....with whomever!

[@jesuitvampirewhoreoncrack7539]

FinnTheInfinncible thats great for you but it doesnt mean all people are like that, biology causes sexual attraction simple, trying to argue that sex isnt an important factor in "SEXual" attraction is ridiculas and so is trying to paint having a prefrence based on biological sex as somehow shallow..

[@caroljarski]

holy shit man, you're the most relatable person i've ever come across on internet

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

You are so kind! Thank you!

[@silverthompson8313]

Hi Finn. Yes.. It's me again! I absolutely love this video. I can relate so well. So can my husband. We've both had to work through this ourselves. So many can't separate gender from sexuality. Then when we to do that trying to define sexuality is a whole new onion to cut into. We have a running joke in the house that my husband and I are "only straight for each other". Truth is... We love who we love. It makes it difficult to know where to go to find partners (we are also poly), but in the end we just relaxed into the thought that we will meet who we are meant to. So how do we label ourselves? Pan sexual. Even that doesn't cover it. Luckily with such huge poly communities in our area, gender fluidity is quite common. Whew. Doesn't make it easier to meet people, but it makes it easier not stressing about identity. I strangely struggle with "okay am I attracted to this person as a best friend, or more?" I love people. I have had partners of all labels.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Ah how interesting! I am glad it isnt just me!!!!. This is exactly it, gender and sexuality are separate but at the same time they interact , not just in the gender of the people involved but also in the sexual parts the pair have and then it all becomes a label nightmare!!! Its much better to be label free and then there is nothing to be confused about!

[@user-dc5bd2zv2z]

most lesbians i know, including myself, are very much concerned with hair and makeup. many straight women i know are much less intersted in such things. this is just my experience but i dont feel its fair to stereotype like that because its not always the case, not even most of the time

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Of course it isnt and as I say in this video, I am aware of this!

[@justdrowzee7373]

Thank you for this video. My last relationship was rather long term and it has taken quite a while to get over it. Now that I'm finally ready to date again I have realized that while I don't identify as gay I'm not necessarily straight by default. I found this video rather heartening. It was exceedingly interesting to see you talk out your feelings, in regards to your sexuality. Keep up the good work!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Thank you so much. Its both liberating and terrifying to be in a new place sexuality wise! Although I am not ready to date, I am enjoying looking at people and seeing which ones I find attractive! Its like a whole new world has opened up!!!

[@NeutralNinetails]

there's hope xD there are straight (cis) women with a masculine side. I tend to fall into that fairly often xD I love having my femininity and also having a masculine side. it's great to be 'one of the guys' who also occasionally paints her nails. there's lots of different people out there and I'm excited for you finding yourself! have a great time dude :3

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Thank you! I am excited too!!!

[@ems.225]

i just had a thought. maybe if you aren't sure what gender you want to be with or how to pursue a specific gender and stuff like that that you talked about, maybe thinking of what hobbies/situations tends to draw in the type of person you tend to like? for example, i like people who are creative, playful and generally geeky, so if i were looking for a partner or friend, cosplay/pop culture conventions would be a good place to look. am i making sense?

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

You are making complete sense my friend and thats a very very good idea, thank you! The more I chat to people on here the more I realise this is less about me working out my sexuality and more about me working out the type of people I like. Its different for me now than it once was you see, I am a different person with different values and outlook on life so its about working out the type of person that would suit me...did that make sense?!

[@ems.225]

It's so nice to hear the people her on youtube can help you figure things out, that's exactly what online communities should be for! :) And yes, you totally make sense as well. ;)

[@LoganJoannesRollerCoaster]

I think when you've been through what you've been through, it is easy to see that you can be attracted to a person regardless of their physicality.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I agree my friend, I am thinking that at long as we click on all levels, emotionally and physically, I really am very open

[@MTGoddard]

Thank you so very much sweetheart, very well explained, all the best to you😘

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Ah thank you! I somehow missed your message!

[@emlonknee7583]

Lol love this! I think it's the most healthy thing to be honest with yourself and others around you! Keep being awesome

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I completely agree with you, thank you!

[@SenoraJimJob]

Hey Finn, your videos are so awesome and always make me smile but also make me think, I'm not sure what I wanted to say but, I guess, just hello :-) xXx

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Hello to you too my friend! Thank you so much, I hope I didnt make you think too much ;) xx

[@SenoraJimJob]

Haha I'm in lectures at the minute so my brain is partially melted anyway but I'm always happy to be made to think by you ;-) xx

[@rossherndon4548]

you know I've recently realized that a lot of the women I'm attracted to happen to be lesbians and it hadn't occurred to me why until you mentioned the masculinity thing. I also identified as a lesbian pre transition, but now I identify as bisexual. I think that part of why I couldn't have romantic or sexual relationships before with men is because I always felt pressured to take the more feminine role.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Yes! Thats it! I think the whole dynamic with a man would be different now so I am not opposed to trying if I find myself attracted.

[@friendoftherese1]

Oh Finn...Did I laugh out loud at around the 5:56 minute mark? Yes I did! This is such an interesting topic to explore. You are truly a trailblazer here, and of course you are going to experience all sorts of confusing, conflicting, amazing, terrifying emotions about sexuality. It is a bit interesting (psychologically) that you are attracted to people who are unavailable to you at this time. Could it be that you are simply not ready? Just a thought. Also, I was thinking about what you said about the different levels of attraction (Psychological, Emotional, Spiritual, Physical), and as a cis woman, I can honestly say I have been "in love" with both genders but on different levels. My best friend (who is a woman) is someone I instantly clicked with in college, and if she had been a man, we would have fallen in love and married for sure. I still love her to pieces platonically and enjoy her company on the emotional level, but I'm about as straight as you can get, so I would not connect with her on the physical level. All this to say, you can love lots of people in lots of ways, but if you are looking for a partner that fulfills you both physically and emotionally, that is a whole different ball of wax. My feeling is that you are still mainly attracted to the female form, and it's quite alright to prefer a more "manly" female. There are lots of women out there who are straight, but are not super feminine. OR it could be that is just what your brain is used to, and it will take time for you to find yourself attracted to feminine women. Wow! What a waffle! I apologize! As always, I appreciate your honesty with these vlogs, and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings Brother!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Dont apologise! I love your comments!! You know you could be right....maybe I am subconsciously looking at unavailable people as I am not ready, hadnt thought about that but it makes total sense! I also love a lot of people, I connect deeply and fall in love on many levels with many people but yes it is indeed a different ball of wax with a relationship. You are also right about habit and my brain getting re used to things, I have only ever dated lesbians and straight men! I never went near straight women (when I was a lesbian) as I know Id have no chance so I may need to let my brain re jig and also find new ways to connect and chat with women as the man I am now. What a blooming exciting journey this is!!!! Blessing to you too my very dear freind. Love is indeed the lesson!

[@LightRibbon]

I've never commented on one of your videos before (Hey!) but I'd just like to say that you're such a lovely guy and I really love watching your content. I hope it all works out for you~ have you been to a festival recently? Noticed the wristband

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Ah thats so very kind my fiend, thank you. Yes, went to glastonbury this year and off to Green man festival soon too!

[@trishrowland7782]

I think you're on the right track to just enjoy being a single man for now. And your breakup is probably coloring your outlook on dating right now. Just staying open to any possibilities is a very positive way of looking at it. Someone will strike your fancy when you least expect it. My best to you as always.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I expect you re totally right, I am both looking....in a curious way...but not looking in any serious way, because of still grieving for my relationship and I am sure that effects my understanding of my attraction. Right now I cant imagine giving up this new freedom, I am enjoying it too much! However, when I am ready I am very excited to just have an open heart and see who walks in. Thanks so much for your thoughtful words!

[@trishrowland7782]

You're welcome. And you never know as you progress in your journey you may find that the qualities you are attracted to will change.

[@jacobdunbar5883]

I love the fact that you are 'flamboyant and camp', as I hate all the gender norms and rules that you have to be a certain way because you are a man. I'm a straight man but not very macho, I love women's fashion, dancing, baking, watching shows like Sex and the city. People will probably just assume that I'm gay. Sometimes I almost wish I was gay as it would make things easier!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Well you see that makes you my type!!!! ;) I agree with you and I think this is exactly what I am attracted to, people that dont conform to rigid stereotypes

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

What a lovely comment, thank you so much my friend. I feel you may be right you know! Wholeness...authenticity, thats what I am attracted too, how you explain that makes perfect sense, thank you!

[@RoccosGrimaldi]

I’m a straight guy, but constantly find myself attracted to lesbian women, not realizing they are lesbian.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Then we are in the same boat!

[@HiImSpencerTate]

where is the best place to send you a message? here or your facebook page?

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

for a longer chat the facebook page is the best :)

[@emurun9934]

Hi :) I don't want anyone else in my space right at this moment either (I don't mean forever - just in the immediate future I'm enjoying and need solo.) I've noticed that since I've been in this thought space anyone that I get a random crush on is unobtainable for whatever reason. I think it's a self protection mechanism of some kind.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Ah you are now the third person to say this! I reckon you are right.....I am just not ready so although I am reflecting on how my sexuality might be, I am not truly ready and so maybe my brain is protecting me. Thanks my friend!

[@ellie7117]

Just explore, explore and explore a bit more! There is whole world of possibilities, I'd just go out and have fun and you'll find someone. You normally fall in love with the people that you would least expect to fall in love with. There is definitely someone out there for you and you'll find them when you least expect it. Wishing you luck with the whole adventure :) Also, that t shirt could come in handy ;P

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Hahaha! yeah I kinda purposely chose the T shirt....good opener right??! Think it would work??!!! I am looking forward to exploring! Thanks my dear friend!

[@ellie7117]

+FinnTheInfinncible I love it...think it'd work a treat!! Good good, have some good fun!

[@jaireese5231]

You're adorable. Makes sense that you would enjoy masculine since perhaps you are pretty in tune with feminine and sometimes that masc-femme duality comes together well between folks. I think it is not hopeless to find someone more masculine and also in touch with their feminine. Sounds like a whole being to me!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

It does indeed! Thanks my friend, what you said makes perfect sense!

[@damienarachnid0917]

I can relate to the sexuality thing! My girlfriend is a lesbian and I'm a non-binary trans guy (if that makes any sort of sense, my gender is still a bit confusing!). She's fully aware of how I identify and still loves me. But currently I'm not sure how to "slap a label" on my sexuality. Sexuality is just "what even" for me right now.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Yeah its not straight forward is it!! You are in a relationship and in love so labels dont matter!

[@negansmarshmallowmanii8794]

I'm dating a girl I met as female and have had feelings for ever since I met her and she's a lesbian. I feel honoured to be the only male that she is attracted to. You will find the right person for you

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Proof that we can just fall in love if we drop the label! Thanks my friend!

[@idealist4life]

It sounds like you may fine the women you prefer in the butchie bisexual category. (Butch bisexual women do exist.) Perhaps, where it comes to labeling your own romantic identity, you can just go with being "fluid." I am always so impressed watching your videos, about how open and honest are with yourself and everyone else. I am certain that your videos have helped many people, in their own efforts of self-awareness. I am so glad that you can explore being a complicated being and .laugh at it all, playfully. You are the kind of person ai could see being the best of friends with. Oh and being ready for some "random snogs", made me laugh. Here in the U.S. we don't know the word "snogs" so it sounds extra funny. Take Care, dude!`~

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Ah! How lovely! Thank you! Yes I think thats what I am, fluid that is. Its lovely feeling so open you know? I am such a thinker though so I do like to reflect on these topics, sexuality and its labels is such an interesting thing, especially when one experiences such a shift!!! Love your comments, thank you!

[@idealist4life]

Than You, Finn! You are such an inspiration with all the honest inner work that you do. I am Eco Loren on FB, where we have also been talking, if you haven't connected that yet. I forgot that this just has me as idealist4life here. My first name is Loren.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Ah! I do sometimes get confused between peoples different names! hello! And thank you my friend

[@ncburton1713]

Like I kept telling my fiance's youngest sister, sometimes it's best to not think about the whole dating and attraction thing at all and just let it happen. Love sometimes will find you, and at the most unexoected of times and places. And even with the most unexpected person. My fiance and I are great examples of this. We were best friends living together for several years. I never thought I'd fall in love with a woman because I'd always been gay. But we'd known each other for 9 years and had lived with each other for 3 years when I started to feel an attraction to her. And then it was another year before Nova, my fiance, told me she'd been having these feelings but had been afraid to say anything because she disn't want to potentially ruin a great friendship. Which was exactly why I'd stayed quiet about my new found feelings, that I'd I was struggling with the whole idea of 'but I'm gay, how the hell an I attracted to her'. A friend of mine fom the local tras group had a similar a experience. She was alwas spouting off her ideal man. Even though she is old enough to be my grandma I still told her the sane thing. Just let it happen, uf you think about it too much you might miss a perfectly goid oppertunity for happiness. And she fell in love with another trans woman from the same group. :) She told me taler that I was sure right about love finding you when you least expected it and with whom you least expected. It's good to do soul searching to try to understand you, of course, I'm not saying not to. And that of course was the main focus of the video was your sexuality, but love as you've already found can be a strange and confusing thing. At a point I had to stop thinking about my sexuality so much because, at least at first, it didn't make much sense to me. Now it makes more sense, but only just. XD Anyway, not sure if my ramblings made any sense but I hope they help. lol

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

your ramblings are wonderful! thank you for sharing that with me. how wonderful that story is! I will admit to a little fear around being able to fall in love again, especially with the extra 'complications' but on the whole I belive like you do that letting go and letting whatever happens just happen without worrying, is the way to go. I find that often when something deep like this comes up inside me , I first need to really churn it over and reflect and then I'm finally able to let it be. thank you for helping me do just that

[@ncburton1713]

FinnTheInfinncible I'm glad it was helpful. :) And I'm the same way, having to reflect and all that before being able to finally let it be. Sometimes that gets me in some trouble because I end up thinking a bit too much. XD But most of the time I think it's a good thing. lol Like I said though, I'm glad my words could be of some help. :) And yeah it can feel scary to think of trying to fall in love again, but another thing I'd suggested to my fiance's youngest sister was, don't even think about falling in love or even getting into a relationship. Meet people and form friendships and you never know. I've never been a fan of the stereotypical dating scene. The idea never seemed right to me because both people are basically trying to impress the other while on a date and not really showing the whole them until maybe later in the relationship and then things kinda start to go south from there. Not always naturally, and I'm majorly generalizing from what I've observed from friends who've dated. Though I've still had rocky relationships, having the person be a friend first and then somewhere down the line partner seems to have better...lasting power, for a luck of a better way of putting it. XD But that's just what I've experienced and my opinion. Everyone is different of course,. XD Bleh Sorry, my thoughts kinda went all over the place. It's 2:30 am here and I'm trying to get to sleep but had so many thoughts I had to reply before my mind would let me rest. ^^;

[@mrsbabycakes5551]

There are CIS gendered women, non lesbian, who are not uber feminine dude, it's just finding the right one.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I know you are right. I think I just need to re tune my radar!

[@Ocean_Grove]

I'm in the exact same boat LOL, good to know it doesn't get any less confusing post bottom surgery.... guh

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Yeah...sorry about that! LMAO!!!!

[@buttersdebby7564]

I think when the right person comes along it won't matter to you. you'll fall in love with their personality and not there sex. just a thought

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I completely agree with you!

[@debivc78]

Sweetie darling!! (Yeah I am a huge abfab fan) You like strong independent self assured women. Not lesbians, but what people see as the "stereotypical" lesbian. A woman who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty, who would rather wear jeans and work boots than a dress and heels. Girls like that are EVERYWHERE here in the US. Hell, I'm one! I CAN dress up and look "pretty" and "behave like a lady" but I am not comfortable doing it. I grew up "one of the guys" I can cuss and insult and hold my own with any guy out there. I can tell a dirty joke without bushing, shoot a mean game of pool, drive a stick shift and change a tire (and do a brake job, replace a water pump, spark plugs and tons of other car stuff). I like sports, especially football. In high school girls weren't allowed on the team so I was a stat-girl. We stood on the sidelines and took down who made what tackle, and who caught a pass or ran for however many yards. We had to understand the game really well to do it. We rode the team bus and hung with the players. Sorry, got off on a tangent there....bottom line here hon, you don't like lesbians because lesbians don't like men. You like girls who don't need men to define them. Women who don't NEED men, but love them. I would love love love to talk about this with you where I can say a lot of stuff that, well isn't any of anyone else's business. So if you want to FB message me look me up facebook.com/debivc78.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Hell, can I date YOU??!! Haha! Yes it is exactly as you said and as Ive said in reply to other comments, I spoke about it in a stereotypical way as trying to talk about it any other way was quiet confusing! I only ever have had experience of dating gay women and those , for me at least, have been women exactly how you describe. I know there are plenty of straight women like that too, I am just not clued up on the dynamics of dating when it comes to being a man dating a straight woman! A woman that doesnt need a man to define them...yes ...that is spot on who I am attracted to!

[@debivc78]

OMG if I weren't married I would totally go out with you! You are a cutie with an awesome sense of humor. You are faithful, honest and not afraid to be yourself. I am 100% sure you will find the perfect girl. Come visit me in the US and I can introduce you to about a zillion of them!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

you are too kind! x

[@Ursulas_Odds_and_Sods]

Good luck on finding the right partner at the right time! I've always liked psychologist Daryl Bem's Exotic Becomes Erotic theory, which explains we tend to be attracted to the opposite of what we are. Though my physical presentation is obviously feminine (albeit never girly-girl), I consider myself a gender-defiant tomboy who's always naturally gravitated more towards stereotypically male things. I'm told my great-grandpap Ben used to tell my mother I had a boy's body wasted on a girl and was built like a football player. (I'm not sure he would've kept that opinion had he seen me past age seven and a half!) It follows, then, that I've always been most attracted to men who look, act, and think in a more stereotypical feminine way (e.g., the New Wave look popular in the early Eighties). I like prettyboys, and a huge reason I love younger men is because they tend to have softer, more feminine features. Stereotypically masculine features like square jaws and six-pack abs never did anything for me.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

How interesting! Thank you for sharing that with me. That book sounds like an interesting read too, its now added to my list, thank you!

[@carinagomezfernandez7473]

I am an older transman who is attracted to gay men and transmen. But because I had top surgery but not on hormones, people assume that I am a butch lesbian. That's not an easy thing to cope with. But I am not sure about going on hormones because I don't want to be a patient for life

[@ashleyflores920]

I'm glad I'm not the only one lost. I'm ftm as well. I say I'm pansexual, but honestly I'm not quite sure. Before I even knew I was trans I thought I was straight until my freshman year in High School. I ended up falling for one of my friends who was a girl. As time went on I thought I was lesbian and went out with someone who identified as genderfluid, but very feminine and then someone who went by Andy, but no sure how they identify sexually and by gender but dressed feminine and acted masculine. Afterwards I ended up liking this guy so thought I was bisexual. Now I'm a senior in High School and all I know if for a fact I'm trans and say I'm pansexual. I end up falling for all sorts of people. From a gay trans man, straight cis male, straight cis female...most of the time I'm stuck liking a straight individual and since I'm pre T everyone just views me as a tomboy or female with short hair. If I'm lucky I pass for a second until I speak or someone outs me.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

My friend it seems clear that our problems come when we try to label ourselves! You love life is as confusing as mine! As you change so will everything else my friend, thats what I have found!

[@noahauerbach1035]

glad it's not just me!!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

LMAO!!! Fun this isnt it!!!

[@sphirosokelli]

I have always dated women, one or two attempts with cisgender men weren't very enjoyable for me. After starting transition I found myself single and I planned on being that way for a year or so. I met my girlfriend, who also happens to be trans. I've recently met another girlfriend who also happens to be trans. Interestingly enough, it's the fact that these women are more feminine is what surprises me. I e always dated masculine butch lesbians and here I find myself dating very feminine transwomen. I'm still not attracted to men. I branched out in that regard mentally, but there just isn't enough feeling there for it to go beyond "oh yeah he's a good looking dude". I have not found myself attracted to cisgender women since I've begun dating my girlfriends... Whether this means my sexuality has shifted solely to transwomen or not, I don't know... Fortunately for me I don't think I'll be needing to worry about it XD

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Thats really interesting, that you for sharing that with me. Im the same really, as all of this is hypothetical and felt on an intellectual level right now as my body isnt ready, I dont know if its me just looking at a bloke comfortably for the first time and seeing them as a good looking dude or whether there is real attraction there. Time will tell!

[@sphirosokelli]

+FinnTheInfinncible I would definitely encourage you to embrace the opening horizons as you feel ready. You are entitled to time to heal. Casual encounters were never quite my thing, just don't seem to have a drive unless I'm invested, but as long as everything is done safely in encourage you to give those a try too! This is the time of exploration and experimentation!! That being said I do offer condolences on the break--up. It is never easy to remove a bond from ones heart, even if that bind was strained.

[@pumpkinasstha4th]

Hey Fin have you ever watched the Buck Angel documentary on Netflix? His wife had a similar dilemma about who she wanted/what she wanted in a partner. It is only a short part of the documentary but it gave me a nice feeling that there is someone for everyone 😊

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Ah I have netflix now....i will look for that, thank you!

[@Merel-fb2uu]

Hey Finn, it's kinda like puberty all over again isn't it! That's how I felt when some 8 years ago I finally realised I'm bisexual. Once the penny dropped I realised I always knew. Just walking down the street, looking at people, allowing myself to feel what I was feeling made me feel like a teenage girl again. Realising in hindsight that I have had about as many crushes on women as I had on men was a hilarious moment! Because I grew up in such a 'mainstream straight' environment I think I simply labelled (LABELS ARE LOVELY FOR FORKS - I've got the shirt!!!) the feelings differently but they were absolutely the same!!! Finally figured out why I couln't stop myself looking at other girls' boobies in the changing room LOL. I was in a relationship with a man for 13 years (penny dropped about being bi about 5 or 6 years in, could never tell him because of the way he was), divorced 3 years ago and am still happy single. In a way I would like to get out there again but it's got to be utterly spontaneous, I never got the whole flirting thing ;-) Anyway, enjoy your time as a single man and explore!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Yes! Labels are lovely for forks!!! :D And yes, i do feel like a teenager right now!!! I too am finding myself grinning randomly at my realisations!!! 42 and acting 13 lmao!!

[@Merel-fb2uu]

LOL I think I'm a little ahead of you, 43 and acting 17 probably hahahaha. Just keep doing your Infinncible thing (my thing is to look at the clouds when I'm not looking at people) and you never know when you'll figure it out. And then when you have obviously it could totally change again :D Life is interesting!!!

[@kristurner-sterling1547]

What I love about you sir is that you take humans for humans , now just take hearts for hearts and follow yours! When it's right you will know and don't worry about putting yourself in a box 📦, because life isn't a box .

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Exactamondo! I love you, especially your bear hugs :D

[@alexgraham3267]

I kinda identify as hetroflexible because I'm mainly attracted to woman but I am open to falling in love with a guy. I kinda know how you feel.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Yes this is where I am at too

[@itsreallyimportantman]

I gotta say the first time i saw one of you're videos i thought you were a Gay man - turns out i was wrong! I've only had one partner long term and he was a MAN like a manly man and i felt like i was in a homosexual r'ship! that freaked me out but now im out as myself i doesn't scare me as much i am pansexual myself i don't look at the physical side of things i look at what we connect on at deeper levels as i know the cover isn't the whole story!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Well there you go!!! Most people see me and assume I am gay....no idea why..... :D I am the same, aesthetics may catch my eye but its the deeper connection that makes me love

[@esmeralda73]

thank you for sharing.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

thank you for watching!

[@zelandonia]

This is fascinating!!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

You want to try being in it! Haha! Yes it is though....excitingly fascinating!!!

[@taztal13]

Maybe you should let this go all together?! Do not define yourself and as you said yourself, you are attracted to people! Isn't that the greatest? Just interact with people and see where it leads you. Once you fall in love you will know it!!!! I am a cis woman and always said the same for myself. 23 years ago i met a great woman that i married. Today this woman is my husband. He transitioned and I think because I refused to label my sexuality, this has not been a problem to me what so ever. I consider myself to be a lucky person not having to label my sexuality. For the outside world well they probably will not ever understand, but i don't care really. This became a bit larger comment than i intended. But what i'm trying to say is; let it go and enjoy!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Thank you so much for your comment what a wonderful story, thats beautiful! I am with you, I really dont care at the end of the day, I am just open to whomever falls into my heart. Its just I am a thinker and a student of psychology so this stuff fascinates me! I am my own experiment!

[@nerdommeetsboy]

I feel pretty fluid in who I'm attracted to. Men? Masculinity? Maybe I'm pan? I spent years feeling comfortable calling myself a gay man and more recently I've just been like ???

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Yup thats where I am at ?????? crazily wonderful place to be!!

[@tazziedotcom]

ima masculine lesbian, and id date you. Sexual ,romantic and all kinds of attraction are complicated things. fear not, hope is not lost! theres someone out there who checks all your boxes. Stay Infinncible!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Bless you!!!!!

[@backupaccount6009]

I have the same issue!!!!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

+Bryony Morag if it helps, I'm beginning to make sense of it all!!

[@MTGoddard]

Hi Finn, I am kind of confused, so please please forgive me if I say something that could hurt you,because that is not my intention. I try to understand your sexual desire , if you say that you are attract to a straight Man or gay why did you become a transgender ? it's a psychological thing? please help me to understand so I can help my friends that do not speak English and love to know the consequences,pros and cons . Again ,I truly support you and anybody that is gay,trans,bi, and lesbian. I have no problem. just try understand the changes. I truly appreciate your answer and please don't be upset for my ignorance .much love and light to you and all the best my dear friend.please forgive my English spell

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Hi my friend, gender and sexuality are separate and therefore a transgender person, just like a non trans person, can be gay straight or bi. I have had questions regarding both my gender and my sexuality for most of my life. My gender is sorted out, I know I am male, but I am currently unsure about my sexuality as to if I am attracted to men or women or both or just people! I say I am attracted to straight men and gay women in a light hearted way, not a serious way, its more to do with the qualities I am attracted too, particualy the more masculine labelled qualities. My confusion also lies with the fact that I have never dated as a man before and Ive changed a lot since the last time I was single so this is all new territory for me that i am only just beginning to explore A final note, people do not "become a transgender". Being trans is about a deep knowing that your assigned gender does not match your inner experience and so you dont BECOME transgender you just ARE transgender. You choose to transition in order to allign your body with the gender you know yourself to be. I hope that helps!

[@carinagomezfernandez7473]

For me it was the other way around. I knewn that I was gay before I knewn I was trans. But I always dated women because I don't want a relationship with a straight man

[@franklittle]

Sounds like you'd really benefit from coming to Bicon next year if you can. There are sessions about the very dilemmas you're currently working out :-).

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Oh whats Bicon?

[@franklittle]

bicon.org.uk/ It's a wonderful event, and very trans-welcoming. I was there just over a week ago :-).

[@the94jazzy]

Just out of curiosity would you date a woman who identified as lesbian but you were like 'the exception'? Or do you feel it would like undermine your masculinity? I know you have previously but not you are setting out as a man

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I dont think that would undermine my masculinity, I am secure enough in my manhood now to know that the hypothetical lesbian would only be seeing me as a man. Good question!

[@minemoony9314]

There are feminin lesbians and masculine straight woman. I'm sure you will find your type - the type you're looking for aren't always gay ...

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I know there are, I think its because I am only experience in dating lesbians and not straight women!

[@Courtneya0314]

I'm in the same boat as you... it's a bizarre thing to have to navigate through. lol

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Isnt it just!!!

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

You've kind of limited yourself by thinking in the stereotypes of everyone being man or woman, gay or straight. It sounds like you are attracted to people with a masculine gender expression. A lot of people with masculine gender expressions are attracted exclusively to women, so that does make things more difficult, but it's not nearly as bad as you seem to think! Hint: bi- and pan-sexuals exist! You like butch and tomboyish women. There are bi women, and straight women, who have this kind of gender expression. You have in the past liked a masculine man romantically, and you might find that the sexual side works better with men now that you've transitioned. There are gay and bisexual men who are masculine. I've heard that "masc for masc" is a 'thing' in the gay community, though it's not without it's problems, and maybe you wouldn't fit into their definition of 'masc' because of the campness. idk. My point is that masculine gay and bi men do exist, and some of them might be into you. Non-binary people also exist. Some non-binary people are probably masculine enough to attract you, but don't identify as male. Non-binary people come in the same huge range of orientations as binary people, so some nb people like men like you. The point is that people are hugely varied. hugely. You talked about the problem of labels in your most recent video. Words are useful to help us communicate, but there are not and never will be enough labels to fully categorise the sexualities of all humans. You're humansexual. There are many humans in this world. Some of them will be into you, and cool with you being sober. You're lovely. It'll work out. Don't fret :)

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

thanks my friend. I am aware of non binary people and I did mention this in my vlog. the easiest way to discuss this was in more absolute and socially constructed terms, however I do realise that the traits I discuss are found in a variety of people types.

[@keirtaylor4669]

Hi Finn. just thinking i know lots of very straight seeming gay men. also I think that once you have the freedom to be your true self all sorts happens. I've had totally weird gay crushes including Peter Capaldi and Richard Dawkins. ...

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

LMAO!!!!!!! Brilliant! And you are right, this is just my usual thinkyness (yes thats a word) I d like to reflect on these things! End of the day though it really doesnt matter and something will just unfold at some point!!

[@michaeldeleeuw9644]

I have no idea who I'm attracted too, I try not to worry about it lmao

[@michaeldeleeuw9644]

to too*

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Me either, I really dont care to be honest! I am just human sexual! Though I do know I only want one at once..... ;)

[@SikanderG]

Are you attracted to other trans men? Or to masculine gay cis men? Now even I'm confused about your sexuality, lol. I'm not 100% sure about my sexuality these days, but I am certain I am not attracted to any person who was born biologically male. I think I'm only attracted to other trans men, but I'm not completely sure I'm not still attracted to lesbians.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Lol yes I am confused too...hence the very rambly vlog!! Why do you say you are not attracted to natal men?

[@SikanderG]

FinnTheInfinncible Well I say it because it's true, and as for why it's true: I'm not sure. My sexual orientation is homosexual: I'm attracted to those of the same sex as me, and also of a similar gender. When I was a lesbian I was attracted to cis women and NB people who are biologically female and not medically transitioned (so they still look 'female-ish'). Now I'm a gay trans man (in the sense that I'm attracted to other trans men), which is another form of homosexual. I feel comfortable with the way I am now: what I'm not sure about is whether I have any attracted left for cis women. Sometimes I think there is some lesbionic attraction still within me, but the feelings are very fleeting and mild, so I'm not sure. I'll update everyone when I figure it out I guess :P.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Interesting! I love the complexity of all this!!!!

[@BehindScars]

it's my birthday today🎉🎀🎁😍😊😄😘love you!

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Happy birthday to you!!!!!

[@BehindScars]

FinnTheInfinncible thank you so much you made my day!! 😄😄😄😊☺

[@Life_in_2d]

I would say the type you're probably looking for is AFAB non binary. Female bodied masculine people. :3

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Does sound like it!

[@hobbithottie24]

You poor thing as long as you're happy the sex of the person doesn't matter

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Oh dont feel sorry for me!!! I find this very intriguing and exciting!

[@adamsapple2012]

As a transguy myself, I have no idea about my sexuality. As for you though, you could be homoromantic but heterosexual?

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Yes Ive looked at all those varied definitions , I think I am definitely homo-romantic and until recently would have said only hetrosexual but I think if the romantic connection was there then I could also connect sexually....who knows!!! Will be fun to find out!!!

[@adamsapple2012]

+FinnTheInfinncible Good luck on your journey to find your sexuality! And if you don't figure out your sexuality, that's totally okay too!

[@aboon7809]

I was always attracted to lesbian women pre T then i hit T and kept telling myself i had to be with women cuz thats what men are attracted to.. I met my ex (ex as of two weeks ago 😢) and totally fell in love with him.. He (cis gendered fay man) threw all of my sexuality of keelter. Since being with him i find myself more attracted to gay men but i still find lesbians attractive... Im humansexual. Think ive just decided, Im just Ash.

[@aboon7809]

Gay*

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Absolutely, and I am Finn, nice to meet you! :D Its is both off putting and liberating to have ones sexuality thrown wide open isnt it!!! Sorry to hear about your breakup my friend, its hard work isnt it! As much as I am so curious about all this I am nowhere near ready and for now I just just enjoy being single and simply thinking about my sexuality!

[@aboon7809]

+FinnTheInfinncible were great friends i know not many ppl are as lucky to remain friends but he has been a huge part in not only my life but my transition.. He was there throughout my top surgery and also through recovery. Also him being a Gay man i found that amazing for my confidence (is that the right work?!) i was so comfortable being me regardless if him only being physically attracted to men?! Im not sure if im making any sense but im sure other guys will get what i mean.. Wishing you all the luck in the world finding love as a single 'finnsexual' man 😉 x

[@boggerme3254]

have you thought about if you are a gay man talking to some of the men in the bear group

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Never heard of that! Not ready to actually date yet though....this is just me thinking outloud.......need time with just me for now!

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

Bear is a term for masculine, generally hairy, often large, gay men.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

oh ok! thank you!

[@jessicarupp5848]

The type of women you described being attracted to is me to a T. Lol I hate make-up and I'm not into clothing and fashion. I much prefer jeans and a comfy soft t-shirt. Lol And I don't identify as lesbian, I'm bi but I find I like men more. (If that makes sense Lol) What I'm trying to say is that there are women out there like you'd like that aren't lesbians. :D

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

+Kai Rayne fancy coming round for dinner? 😁😁😁😁 . I know you are right. It's just this is a whole new world for me and one I wasn't expecting on being in so it's left me not really knowing who or how I'm attracted!! I'm open to just connecting with whoever makes me smile 😁

[@jessicarupp5848]

Lol I'd love to come for dinner, alas it would be a very long trip for me. One day when i make it to the UK, we should hang out. Or if you ever make it to the US, Michigan specifically, I'll show you around. :D But yeah I can see that it is sort of a difficult thing to wrap your mind around. I'm not so big into labels myself, I like who I like as long as they are a good person and can make me smile and laugh.xx

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

That is my philosophy too! Well lets just hope our paths cross! :) xx

[@jessicarupp5848]

Crossing paths would be great! :D xx

[@rac7644]

or online date

[@limecool3035]

It's more about the person not the gender.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Exactly!

[@girlfromavalonoo8551]

Not all girl who look like tomboy are lesbian I think 😉

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

No No thats very true! Its just more common in those circles! see I have never dated a straight woman before!!!!

[@KK-rx5xs]

Do u think you would be able to date transwomen one day?

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I really am completely open to just finding someone I click with, Im now just people focused I think!

[@KK-rx5xs]

+FinnTheInfinncible oh, same here! I'm still trying to figure out my sexuality, but I feel like I just need someone

[@georgiagriffles]

I guess maybe you could define it as panromantic and also kinda pansexual? Obviously I'm not gonna try and tell you what your sexuality is or anything 😅 but it sounds kinda like that, just open to any and all attraction and feelings, loving people for being people? Idk 😂

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Yes! Loving people for being people! Much more straight forward!

[@georgiagriffles]

Glad I could be helpful I suppose? 😂 I guess I've kind of adopted the attitude of not really caring, if I like a person I like a person 😂

[@Ashwhitetiger94]

Pansexual maybe?

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Maybe!

[@helenalovelock1030]

Maybe masculine lesbians “Butch”.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

It took me a long time to make sense of all this. Now I know I'm just attracted to people, mostly male people, but I think for.mw.ots the heart of people that attracts me

[@rac7644]

Maybe being with another trans guy?

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Possibly! I really am open to dating anyone.....when the time is right of course!

[@jasperathos859]

SAME :((((

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Oh dear!!!

[@kimunderwood1573]

What about another trans man??? 💙😘

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

quite possibly, my mind is open! I am realising more and more that it's just about the person themselves rather than their label

[@Moosh207]

Maybe you are Omni sexual Finn?! xx

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

oh i like that! lol! xx

[@AlliesBeautyandHealthChannel]

You've been hanging out with the wrong women, Finn. :)

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I think you are probably right!!!!