Grieving My Former Self: Success, TEDx Talks, and Life with Chronic Illness

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

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[@ciaolife]

I've been watching you for over ten years and I just wanted to say that you are enough. Just being. You radiate warmth and compassion and humanity

[@manchitas3531]

Finn is all about purest emotions and being genuine.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

What an absolutely lovely comment. I appreciate this so very very much. Thank you!

[@Tealover645]

I found this video on a day when a wave of grief hit me. I also thought that I had come to a point of acceptance of this awful disease and yet I still grieve. I took up electric guitar as a retirement (early) hobby and loved it - in 2022 ME/CFS returned after a period of better health and about a year ago I had to give it up, I then took up ukulele and now I’m contemplating the need to give that up too. I look at my beautiful guitars and it causes me immense sadness that I can’t lift them, let alone play them. There’s a spark of hope somewhere inside and I can’t bring myself to sell them and all the rest of my gear. I know that I will have to give up the ukulele, but I am beating myself up and trying to hang onto the one hobby I have left when common sense tells me to let it go. Thank you for this video which helped me feel less alone.

[@Adriell.h.b.]

Ugh. I 100% relate. I had to quite my degree because of one of my illnesses and I'm still getting over it as well and it was over 10yo. I used to climb mountains... now I'm stuck in a chair. I'm so sad. But grief is part of our life, we jump around those stages grief randomly. A friend helped me contextualize my new life like I was an outdoor cat and now I'm an indoor cat. I'm not into cats much but it works for me.

[@DeeDee-im6tt]

Hi Finn, I watched you for the first time today and you really hit the nail on the head. I have hypermobile Ehlors Danlos Syndrome and most recently I have been diagnosed with POTS. I have really struggled over the years with my hEds but still managed to fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse 16yrs ago, it was so difficult but I did it. Fast forward until last year I started to struggle with feeling really unwell and ended up in hospital in November where I was diagnosed with POTS and SVT. It has hit me like a runaway train if I'm honest, I don't know how I'm going to get back to some kind of normality and the job I live so much as a children and young people's ADHD Nurse. I used a wheelchair for walking longer distances previously but now needing it to go out and it's really getting to me. I completely understand exactly what you say when talking about grieving for your body now being out of control. I suppose it's trying to find another way to adapt like I did with my EDS but it's just getting myself to that point again. Thank you for sharing your story and different ways to think about things and how it all made you feel. It's good to be able to relate despite it being different circumstances and know that he feelings I have are not abnormal xx

[@leehemmings4591]

Grief is cyclical. It can come and go at any time. It’s the ebb and flow of life and the experiences that come with that ..the trick is to stay in the moment and let go any pressure on self to be a certain way or to do a certain thing The key is to just keep adapting and to go in the flow and then we don’t waste limited energy on thinking we should be this way or that. Be easier on yourself please❤️

[@lainemar]

This has probably already been mentioned, and yes I do agree that it’s very important to accept where you are in life, but you are still successful! These videos reach and inspire a lot of people, just like those TEDx and OU talks. You just reach a difference audience, and as part of your current audience I’m very grateful you’re making these videos 😊❤

[@flowersstorms8863]

I love this brother. You have so many incredible achievements under your belt and you've come so, so far. But yes, I totally understand the grieving for where you hoped you'd be now. I've been living with that grief too - I desperately want to travel abroad again. There are so many places I want to go and will probably never get to because my health won't take it now. It is a different time in our lives, and it's so important to remember that, but it's also completely valid to sit with the sadness for a while. That's part of us too ❤

[@Moosh207]

I love your self reflection videos. Integrating the different versions of ourselves sometimes comes through self reflection. Having a closer look at personal philosophies and letting go of what doesn't serve us any longer. Peeling back the layers of the onion. TEDx Finn would understand what you're going through and would want to listen if you sit with him in the quiet and have a chat through internal dialogue. I think TEDx Finn understands that you've had a lot to sort out since the time that you delivered that talk on stage and he's been waiting with loving patience in the background while you sorted out a big part of the medical needs to help support the chronic illness that you have at the moment. It hasn't been easy. I always found TEDx Finn to be nurturing, philosophical, explorative, curious and has a sense of wonder, which are the same qualities I still see within you now. Once we walk through the difficult storm with a sense of patience, it washes away to a new and deeper way of seeing things. And the process once again grounds us with the empowered perspective we have been navigating toward. TEDx Finn may even advise that your demographic is evolving and shifting for the greater good to those people that are meant to be part of the community of what today's Finn Fam is meant to look like in the grand scheme of things. Life requires you to be in a different place now than what you were. We are always in the right place. Even if things don't always make sense at the time. Sometimes it's in the future when we arrive at our "Aha it all makes sense now" moment. The wisdom and experience you share is needed in this world and thank you for sharing it 🙏 Pip is really cute and so are his cute bean paws 🐾 Is that the photo you put on Instagram when he was sleeping with his head behind the pillow? 😂 ....'Happiness is Homemade' ❤

[@natashamason3328]

You are still successful darling, don’t you ever forget it! You mentioned in the video how you have learned more about dealing with your anxiety and not pushing through it, and you’re still making discoveries about yourself and how to be more successful at being you. Just because these things don’t come with a certificate or are visible to the world, doesn’t mean they’re not still worth celebrating too. You’re here being the wonderful you. Love you 💜xx

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

More successful at being me.....I love that perspective ...thank you! Absolutely yes. It's just so hard isn't it, when we have one idea for our ourselves and our lives and then the universe changes our course. And of course when society places so.much emphasis on output and doing rather than being! I'm putting more effort now, into cherishing the big stuff about my past and making sure I continue to celebrate it. Thank you and big 💕

[@rainbowtropolis]

Yay! Hello Finn! I'm not feeling well this week so this was a treat for sure ☺ This video made perfect sense to me 💯 Many hugs from northern Minnesota, it's -40 wind chill up here right now and it's so cold there's nothing to do outside anyways! I'm curled up with my car and watching KZbin! (and TV, I've been watching "Ghosts UK" It's marvelous and hilarious! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐) I've been kind of just blindly working around things thinking "I'll get better eventually" and it hasn't happened. I've been at my current flat for almost 13 years now, and I remember moving in with a lot of energy and a fair body capacity/capability. As the years have gone by I've lost quite a bit of body and mental function, and I've been working on finally accepting my future with my therapist. That includes chronic pain management/DBT/mindfullness and coping skills. I'm allergic to most medications so I have to find alternative ways to deal with my aches and pains mentally and physically. It really sucks, but I've also had my therapist admit he's never seen anyone so resilient with so much going on. I think you'd be right up there with me my internet buddy! You're so amazingly strong and awesome! I think that's why I've been drawn to your channel since I found it about a decade ago! You're also around my age so that helped me with not feeling alone with transition age issues (already grown so not as much physical changes as younger people get when they start earlier). I think as we get older, we realize we weren't paying attention to what our bodies and minds were telling us. I'll be 48 soon and there's people in my building that are 90 years old in better shape than I am 😕 My friends/neighbors and I visit now and then, and they say stuff like "I wish I would have spent more time with family and taking care of myself than at my job." and that sentence right there made me feel like I took a better path for myself and I'm taking their advice. (That saying "Do what I say, not do what I do." sort of thing?🤔) Finn, you're a wonderful man and I'm so glad you're here! I send you subscriber hugs of support and love! 🫂💖 You're worth more than your weight in gold my friend 🥇🏆

[@Transman4444]

We love you❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

You are such a sweetheart, thank you.

[@SONaddict61]

I’m struggling with this type of acceptance myself and it’s ok to grieve what you have lost. But don’t lose sight of what you still have. You’re STILL amazing and you STILL make a difference ❤

[@stefaniedecoster2772]

I still recommend your tedX talk to people Finn, because it's so good. You, my lovely friend, are amazing at continually managing what life throws at you. Thanks for the video sweetie! A warm cuddle from me and some meows from Paxton, although he might be talkative because he's decided he's hungry again.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

This means the world. Thank you. And everything I said in it really does still stand because I use it all in my life to this day, even more so and more fine tuned now I'm unwell physically. I think the only thing I'd change is what I added in one of my own follow up videos, about time to rest after anxiety inducing events, to make sure our nervous system gets plenty of time to recover because know I personally have pushed through my anxiety far too much because I thought that was what I needed to do and in hindsight.i no longer believe that's always the best! I need a vlog on this at some point! Much love to you and Paxton!

[@greenfieldrobinson9250]

Thank you for sharing, I feel less alone

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Bless you. You are most definitely not alone ❤️

[@manchitas3531]

Love you to pieces, Finn. May God bless and protect you as one of His special, beautiful beings. You are always very inspirational to me

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

And you are such a kind and wonderful soul, thank you 💝

[@PIXIE6073]

I sat here watching your video nodding profusely, agreeing with everything you said, with tears running down my face. I totally understand what you’re going through and even after years of therapy the grief still comes back to haunt me at times… but we are a work in progress and I hope one day we will be at peace with ourselves! I love watching your videos, they make me feel less alone with chronic illness 💚

[@crossercuss1]

ive had m.e for 20 years and bedbound for last 2 years and i still grieve everyday... im not my oldself and miss myself so much xx

[@kristiharman2843]

thank you for continuing to share your journey. The grief, oof, it just keeps coming up again and again. I'm working on redefining "success" and "productivity" because even after 15 years I'm still struggling with my self worth as a chronically ill and disabled person. I also really appreciate that you continue to share about being trans and how those two journeys are similar because Im trans too and it helps to see there are skills Ive learned from being chronically ill that can be applied to my gender transition. Also love that you stop and take moments during the video to soak in the Pip Cuteness, gotta take in all those moments of joy

[@heeey_art333]

Just found your channel thank you for all your content its really so helpful , sending love xxx

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Hello and welcome to the FinnFam! Im so glad you find my stuff helpful, thank you for letting me know, sending huge love back to you!

[@Transman4444]

Your awesome❤❤❤❤ I'm in the middle of fighting with my Dr and insurance people bout setting up my date for phalloplasty❤❤❤❤❤ I'm sorry about your health issues... I love ya buddy your a amazing person u may be limited on what u can do but never stop being you your amazing❤❤❤❤

[@ciaolife]

Thanks always for your honesty Finn ❤

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Bless your heart, thank you!

[@mercurious6699]

Sending you warm regards and lots of wishes for your well-being, however that unfolds. You're a good and precious person. Thank you for all the videos across the years. Regards from Cyprus.

[@CoMorbiditty]

"Taking control of my body, and my gender presentation wasnt my own." "Whereas now.... it is" those words REALLY resonated with me Finn. Ive always felt my body wasnt my own...and never even went to the transgender soloution all those years, because I didnt know it existed. Damn those videos..... Im so sorry Finn. It must be horrible at times :( I could only imagine. It's not freaking fare. Im so glad also you have turned it into a help/self-help channel where you can help people understand their disability mentally and physically. You show people how to find happiness in all the mess. And here you are... still smiling and enjoying things in life. I for one, am glad I can still hear your lovely voice, and outlook on life. And of course your study and achievements are valid... YOU did it, no one else. ;) You are and still are an amazing speaker.... quite the talent!!! Time to look at all the things you have as opposed to not have. Its a celebration that you have achieved so much in a short time. Keep powering on my friend ♥♥🏳‍🌈🏳‍⚧ Your vulnerability is what makes you connect to our humanity.

[@Transman4444]

Your aeesome❤❤❤

[@annielaurienichols1166]

As a transmasc (just starting transition! kinda scared about how HRT is going to interact with my chronic conditions 😅) with ME and bipolar disorder struggling to keep a job while getting progressively more ill, I found this video very insightful and helpful in my own journey. The grief is so real. Please know that if you only make 3 videos a year you are having a huge impact: letting us fellow rainbow spoonies know we aren’t alone, giving friends & allies a way to understand, and just being a remarkable and lovely person. (Even if you made no videos these things would still be true and wonderful!) I study communication and one of the most powerful things in the world to build & strengthen community (& shift culture!) is storytelling. Our stories are difficult and unusual and vital. Thank you for being one of our master storytellers. ❤

[@flowersstorms8863]

FWIW as a cis woman with multiple chronic illnesses who's post-menopausal and on HRT I've actually found my right hormone balance has given me more energy. I really hope it helps you too. Sending lots of love and wishing you much joy in your transition x

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

OH my goodness your comment has just made my day! Thank you so very much. I agree with you that sharing stories is so vital, its what helps us find ourselves, recognise ourselves, find community and so much more. We have so many ways to do this now and I think this is going to give us such a rich collection of insights into humanity, diversity, aging and all sorts as we evolve as humans. I love it! And yes, I can understand your concerns regarding transition and chronic illness. I became unwell at the end of my transition, so I didn't have that to worry about, but, I will need a lower surgery fix at some point and will have to consider the impact then. The big thing with chronic conditions like ME is adding any new medication to the body, if you are anything like me, throws everything out of whack for a while so you will likely need some adjustment time. But then there is also the excitement factor of starting T, so that might balance it out! I felt so much more balanced on T, so it may well be that this happens for you. If you have concerns, you could always start on a lower dose. I do know of people with medical conditions that choose to do this, in order to take it easy on their bodies. What every you decide, I look forward to hearing your progress if you choose to share! All the best!

[@123thefi]

Hey there i support you my friend

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I appreciate you!

[@clairek-s8918]

I have to point out that you are reaching people NOW. I relate a lot better to this video than to your TED talk. I’m not sure i would have connected with that TEDtalk at all. Because there are things that can’t be pushed through. I have schizophrenia and it limits me. I get mad when people who don’t have SMI tell me i can have it all. You don’t do that in your KZbin. And i respect the introspection much more.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

Thank you so much for these really kind words, I agree. I still stand by what said in my Tedx talk, but I was limited in how much I could say and a lot went unsaid and there is more I would now like to add, based on what Ive learned since then in my own journey. I really appreciate your wise words thank you, they mean the world

[@scatterbatty]

Feeling seen over here... 🩷🧡💛💚🩵💜 Former stunt woman, successful because of hypermobility and unique genetic presentations. Guess who needs to learn how to live life on wheels now, lol. It's a journey indeed. I'm so glad the algorithm led me to your channel. Much love.

[@flowersstorms8863]

Hello fellow bendy person! Yep, hypermobility makes our bodies do weird things, doesn't it. Wishing you much love with the next part of your life's journey. Finn's built a fab community over here so please do stick around. Sending you much love right back 🥰

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I'm glad the algorithm led you my way too! Welcome to the FinnFam! the sharp change from active life to life on wheels is tough. I was an avid walker, I used to walk miles, go wild camping, go to festivals, now I can barely take a few steps without needing a nap and the only way I can get outside is on wheels. I can get on some coastal paths, but I have to drive past the ones I used to wander on with nostalgia and a lump in my throat, it really is a journey and I have to choose and re choose acceptance every single day! I have to say though that surprisingly, this new slow life brings much joy and new adventures. Sending a ton of love your way