First day of school & I feel kinda rough

[@maxwaites2271]

You're not spreading negativity, you're doing the complete opposite, as I've said many times, you've helped us so much, and we're so grateful. Also that's great that you do that student counselor thing, it's great how much you put yourself out there to try and help others. I can't really write much because I have to go, but thank you so much for everything, youre such a wonderful person that we're so lucky to have met (not met, but like get to watch your videos, if you know what I mean) anyway thanks, I hope you're doing okay x

[@famlymanusa]

Kovu: Have you noticed how deep your voice is getting? WOW !!! I can already see your room with a large star field on the ceiling. I love to see where people live. I was watching Viktor Norland (amateur golf) in the championship match. I though of you probably asleep, at the time. He won !! Use me but don't abuse me-- it just helps to say it out-loud, even if no one is listening. I'll always try to help and let you know that I care a great deal about you. It great that you are 'getting-out'-- be yourself, that's what people want to see. Be a mentor to the younger 'kids' and help them acclimate to a new school. Let's talk on Twitter... so much to say. Mark.

[@sophsiv]

For me, these videos serve as a reminder that I’m not alone. They are quite comforting in that light. I’m also just generally interested in people and feelings so these kinds of videos are interesting and insightful to me. I’m grateful for them and for you, and I think that as long as you feel comfortable making them, I’m happy to watch them. Thanks Kovu

[@mikadenke9102]

Hey I'm Mika from Germany, I usually don't comment but I felt like I had to this time. It's really weird how our expiriences match up... I'm 17 and turning 18 in less than a month. Everybody around me is doing "grown up stuff" that I just have zero interest in for a variety of reasons. I don't party because 1- alcohol tastes disgusting 2- drunk people are annoying and 3- I just don't get the appeal of being drunk. I don't want to have sex because I'm somewhat ace (very confusing because I'm very sexual with myself and feel sexual attraction just no sexual desire, but thats a different topic). I don't want to learn to drive because there is so much you can do wrong and cars are death traps and I would rather take public transport for the rest of my life than get behind a wheel. Sometimes these things make me feel like I'm a looser and somehow fail at being an (almost) adult. Especally the sex one. It's so fucked up how pressured I feel to do something I don't want to because it's socially not accepted to just not do it. I also feel like the people around think I am somehow immature and lacking important expirience because I don't do these things. It's really fucked up. I don't know if you're gonna read this but I had to get this out there and don't have anybody irl who could relate so, yeah...

[@the.unknown2428]

Mika Denke hey, I am from Germany as well and can relate to not liking alcohol, the party lifestyle in general and so on. I don't have any experiences with asexuality, but honesty in my mind it doesn't matter. You do you, and if there's no desire to do certain things, just don't do them and most importantly don't feel bad about it. Go your way and live the way you want, I do so too :)

[@exclusiveboi1723]

ey u shouldn’t say drunk people are annoying tho. I’m a very calm and reversed person but love to get drunk because it magically makes me sociable and talkative. I love the escape and not thinking about what people think of me and how bad my dysphoria is that day. So even tho u may not like it, try not to put people down who do

[@mikadenke9102]

If you find someone annoying or not is very pesonal. I find that drunk people annoy me. That is my expirience. I didn't say people shouldn't get drunk or that it's bad or anything. I just don't want to be around drunk people. Maybe try not to take everything so personal.

[@77pete7]

Hi Mika, very valid points. Always stay true to yourself, and don’t just follow the crowd. Times are changing and fewer people are drinking these days. Not driving, etc., these are all trends of the millennials, which will hasten a change into new ways of life. We will see major changes in 10-20 years.

[@m4435-d9g]

Frist of all U ARE NOT ABUSING US WE LOVE U. Now, im afraid too. i was so excited to drive a car and all that stuff, but now when i think about it I DO NOT WANT TO DRIVE IM LITERALLY RISKING MY LIFE JUST TO GO PLACES! ! but it's a thing we all have to live with and it is perfectly normal. We love you and we are here for u. P.s shool begins in 3 weeks in this part of germany. ly

[@ben1301]

2 Wochen für mich; Berufsschule. Und das dann zum ersten Mal mit neuem Namen und richtigen Pronomen.

[@ZanderFoster]

Dude sharing your ups and down is good I think. It shows your audience that you are human and you fall and soar! Just make sure you’re listening to yourself. I appreciate your authenticity!!!

[@karab.2967]

You aren't using us man. We want to help if we can. I hope you feel better soon :) I'm not a professional but I think it's a thing with your suicidal thoughts. When you are suicidal, you don't see past the moment and you plan everything for your death. You don't think about much else. It's a good thing that you are past that, but you are probably unprepared due to these thoughts. You could also be anxious about the start of school which could also cause these thoughts. You should probably find another outlet as well as KZbin. You could draw or make some music expressing yourself. You don't need to post it, but the more you express yourself the more your feelings seem valid. I think you could be experiencing depression and it can hit you hard quickly. I hope that you find something to help :)

[@jemmielove2dance132]

Kovu you're so cool, and honesty I get myself worked up about things I probably shouldn't be stressing so much about too, but I think if you try not to over think things too much and just chill out (even though it can be hard sometimes) you should be OK And also I feel kinda bad because I don't go back until the 5th of September so I've just been in bed watching KZbin all day and you actually had to do something (and to be honest I probably should have tidied my room) But seriously you are Awsome so don't worry to much Bye 😎😝💛 EDIT: also age is just the number of wonderful years the world has been blessed with having you around so don't worry Also I feel like I should still be two I'm 12 and I really don't want to star year 8 but I know it'll be good for my education in the long run so its something I just have to and also bet my teachers really miss my weird little face and personality and I'm sure your school friends and teachers miss your awesomeness too OK bye 💛😝😎☺ See ya

[@77pete7]

Respect Jemmie! Great comments ... and I can tell by the way you describe yourself, that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Stay healthy!

[@sillysilvey]

I've started feeling the same way, or maybe not the same way, but the way you described the way that you feel is the way I'd describe how I've been since school started (last week). I just feel like nothing other than my grades matter anymore. It hurt emotionally to wake up now, I know it's not healthy but I don't know how to make myself feel better. I hope you feel better soon, thank you Kovu

[@shalacarter6658]

Yeah, the problem with school is that it can seem so one-dimensional. It is all about "getting good grades." So, make school be about more than that. Be a volunteer for something there. It might get you out of classes sometimes. :) Do they have after school groups? Find one you like and join it. School is important, but getting good grades should not be your whole life.

[@m00fire55]

Yeah l feel like I'm not ready for like turning 16 I want to be 14 or 15 forever and that is so sad for me

[@movieyouser]

had the same problem with 18, but it is still the same life like it was with 17. So probably it will change not that much... Age is just a number ...

[@rusqui2000]

Daniel 1999 yeah, well I'm about to turn 20 😣

[@shalacarter6658]

Don't worry about the number. I am over 50 and still act like I am 16.

[@aryntheo2401]

I've felt like that every birthday since my 16th. I'm trying to tell myself now though that every age I become, maybe that will become the age I wish to stay, so each birthday that age might change and become my favourite age to be, and aging is the only way to know that. Does that make sense? Wasn't sure how to word that. For me, I think what made me the most sad is that as you grow older societal expectations change, how people view you change, and life experiences change. It's something you'll grow used to. There might always be a sense of melancholy there, maybe nostalgia, but you'll soon enjoy some of the experiences and maturity that come to you with age as your life perspectives change. You'll get used to it. 16 and 17, even 18, are really great ages to be though, they're the best for experimentation and finding yourself, really try to enjoy them.

[@storm4950]

You mentioned that you have to worry about university right now. But to be honest don't worry too much about it now, you still have 2 years to think about and I know from my own experience that your school really helps you in your last year of high school to gather information about different universities and the different courses that you can choose from.

[@robynnhemmm221]

I don’t have anything in particular to say about the video except thank you for making it. I feel sorry about you feeling bad, and I hope it will change. But I really loved listening to you talking about it.

[@artnerd3727]

yeah I feel the same. Like im neither looking forward to things or living in the present i just feel kinda empty. im going into my 2nd year of high school and i didn't think id make it this far. I have plans for the future but i feel too empty to really properly focus or consider them? Im in a spot where all I want to do is be with friends but other than that i just feel empty

[@emilyburton2567]

Thankyou for being a person, you’ve helped me through so much, thank you.

[@cameron4015]

I'm 19 now just turned last month and I feel odd .. I'm pre-t I hope to start at the beginning of the new year hopefully. Anyways I feel you on the level of not feeling that you are not there yet. I feel like a 14 year old boy waiting for puberty to hit cause the past 5 years felt like they didn't actually happen I just woke up and I don't like what I'm left with. My brain mentally feels like it hasn't matured like my peers around me. It's strange times we live in -.-

[@elijahtorres5177]

You help us all of the time. The least we can do is give you advice. I love you Kovu.

[@quiver_1740]

I'm going to start classes again and I feel exactly the same. I'm spanish, and weather in summer is lovely (even tho it's hot, but it's sunny all day) but I don't have things to do, no friends call me to do things, and I'm not weird, I'm just very introvert and shy, and in three weeks I'm going to start classes again, and I'll stress a lot because I only know one person there, I'll be new and all my other friends will go to other classes. I don't stress because of classes, I can take very good marks without almost studying, it's just having to socialise that much. I even feel like I've lost three years of my live doing nothing, just studying and playing videogames and now I'm pretty lonely, I only speak to three friends who never ask me to go anywhere. Your channel is SO helpful, I can feel a bit less lonely because I see that I'm not the only one who experiences these things. Thank you Kovu, I hope you get to see this comment.

[@emilia-tf2uv]

Listening to you while your talking about your problems helps me to sort out my own problems. Firstly because often i am not aware what bothers me and while i'm listening to you i notice that this is exactly what i also struggle with. And secondly even though i didn't experience what you discribe it just helps me to see that others are also not perfect and have issues with bother them. Often i have the feeling that everybody around me is perfect because you just get to know the fassade and not the inside. So i really enjoy watching your videos! ( and i'm sorry if there are any mistakes, i'm from germany and my english isn't the best)

[@nia4509]

you sound exactly like me. everything you say I can resonate with. I hope you get through this 💛

[@haileightravis4128]

Hey Kovu, you are not spreading negativity, but you are spreading positivity. You have helped me so much. So just a reminder, you help so many people through tough times, and I am one of them. I have mixed emotions about school I'm really anxious but then I'm excited. But I did get into the next grade up for math!! I get to take an online course with one other person in my grade. And I totally relate with the 30 people in your class, I have like 35 people in my class. But I'm happy you have made it to 17, the world is a better place with you!!

[@none4530]

You are a really great guy, trust me. You aren't the only ones getting something out of these videos, we are too. I love hearing your perspective on life, especially since you live in a country that I don't often hear about as well as your experience transitioning while in school. Don't feel bad about making these videos, we enjoy them! And, its not like anyone is being forced to watch them, they can just choose not to. I hope you're doing well!

[@ninashenk_]

Your room is looking great! If it makes you feel any better I don’t have a party filled teenage life either. I’m sorry you aren’t feeling great. I hope you feel better soon!

[@m00fire55]

You are like angel ( :

[@austinb6484]

It’s cool that you are trying something new and helping others

[@jeydenlagrave7218]

Kovu, you are the greats person i know you have help me with a lot of my problems you are doing amazing thing don't forget this because life is to short-Love Jeyden

[@ilovedogs6243]

you getting better is super inspirational please never give up

[@theapostleofpeace]

Talking about your problems is very good for your mental health, and you can help others. In that last vlog I saw post after post of people who related to you, and some who didn't even realise they were going through the same thing.

[@billiefreitas6621]

You are soooo handsome. Love your haircut. Do you feel good right now? Love from Brazil 🇧🇷💙

[@theapostleofpeace]

Wait til you turn 18 boy. It might be a fear of growing up, taking on more responsibility. It started when I was turning 6, but after 30 I've grown more comfortable with my age. I love seeing peoples shocked reaction when they learn I'm 32. Being told you don't look 30 by a 21 year old is honestly the best thing ever. It sounds like you are having a depressed mood. I'm so sorry to hear that. I deal with depression too. Try doing something you enjoy, or watching a stupid comedy on netflix. That always cheers me up.

[@andibartley1098]

A wise friend told me that all feelings are valid, no matter how terrible, uncomfortable or awkward they make you feel. They are what make us real, and able to connect with others on a personal level. I don't know if you realise, Kovu, but that is exactly what this channel does, it connects people of all kinds who may be going through the same thing, but may just be too scared or confused to realise/understand. You being able to freely talk about yourself and your feelings is something I could never do, as much as I wish I could, and for that I thank you. You do not spread negativity, but hope for us, because you got through all of these tough times, and you still have the courage to share your experiences. You are amazing Kovu!! Thank you again for spreading hope, and being a true light in the darkness.

[@maddybrady8068]

I start school at the end of the month, you are not the only one feeling weird about starting the new school year. Also you are defiantly not spreading negativity, you talk about things that a ton of people can relate to.

[@emilia-tf2uv]

I had this feeling one or two years ago, i also couldn't imagine me being older than 15 or 16 and doing something else except school. But right now i'm really relaxed about the future which is quite untypical for me. Normally i'm a person who thinks a lot about everything and who doesn't do much with people. But things changed this summer, i kind of pressured myself to try new things out and i'm actual really happy right now. There are still some issues i struggle with but i got a more relaxed attitude towards them. So things can change, please don't worry that much!

[@kaity5065]

Hey, kovu. I just wanted to say you're the reason I'm learning Norwegian. I love your videos and have been here since I found you when you released the 100 ways to come out (??) video. You're so inspirational and seem like just a great person. Love the room so far, by the way. Alright, I just wanted to say that. Hope everything is going well!

[@Aaron-mw1du]

I’m not an expert, but I think I can tell you what might be happening. You may feel like you can’t turn seventeen for a few reasons. One is that feeling that you don’t look seventeen, which puts your mind in a zone of you not being there. The second is the thing you were talking about. You weren’t planning to turn seventeen so your mind can’t comprehend the concept of your age. And last is that when some serious mental issues pop up, often you feel like you aren’t there. You feel like you’re just frozen in time and you’re floating in a void. And those years don’t feel real in your mind. They feel empty. So you feel like you aren’t turning seventeen because you essentially skipped a few years mentally.

[@julesbo4082]

I don't want to tell you what you should do, but I mean you have like so many experience and you already helped so many people, so haven't you thought about like matching your future with Helping other people? I don't want to sound bad, I don't know how to put it in words. But yeah in my opinion you should do in your future something that will make you happy. Just don't feel so stressed about it, you have time, you are strong and you will for 100% work it out. Love you Kovu, hope you are okay. PS. Your room looks really cool!!!

[@mitskiluvrrr]

I absolutely love you and you have helped me through my transition thank you ❤️♥️❤️♥️

[@lensolla7777]

I totally get that feeling man....

[@emmajacobsen5157]

To be honest being a “in the closet” ftm male (only a few friends know of it, I’m a first year of gymnasium here in sweden) these videos help me to cope and build my confidence to come out my parents kind of know but not really, they know I feel uncomfortable about dressing feminine and about my body but i don’t think they fully realize. Anyway I just wanted to thank you for being an inspiration for me and showing that you’re human showing emotion and that I’m not alone in having these feelings of confusion and anxiety. Thanks again for just sharing❤️

[@loganshallow7595]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I know this sounds weird, but sometimes just taking a minute to relax and not think about something can make you feel a lot better about whatever you're not happy about. I don't know, it works for me sometimes. I hope the rest of the school year goes better!

[@poppy1963]

You always make me feel calm

[@teiem5456]

Regarding the emptiness you feel, think about doing something that fills this emptiness, like doing something/learning new. Participating in the student council of my school fulfilled me for many years. In general, find something you would like to do or are interested in and do that

[@macc.2528]

Kovu asking for help from people isn't bad but the only thing that might be bad is that you don't know us as well as we know you and I think that some people might not be kind and loving because sometimes they don't see the whole youwkich sucks but I love helping you out because of how much you helped me over the last year so yeah... a lot of people are here if you ever need us :)

[@megans6732]

You are absolutely amazing I love your videos it’s so cool that you are my age because most you-tubers are a lot older thank you for sharing your experiences also I would be so happy if you liked or responded to this comment

[@adehagstrom1440]

Kovu, I'll speak a little swedish to you now and I hope you understand. Hallo, jag har bara sett dina videor i cirka en vecka och du har inspirerat mig så mycket. Du är fantastisk och jag hoppas du fortsätter lägga ut videor, de har hjälpt mig att komma på min egen identitet. ❤

[@emiliegt294]

Orange Doors Norwegians understand Swedish perfectly fine unless the Swede speak a weird dialect or something. He would have no problem understanding this as neither did I.

[@adehagstrom1440]

Orange Doors, Swedish and Norwegian are like language siblings

[@krypton2630]

I was suicidal as a teenager and as a result I reached adulthood (just turned 21 so I'm actually not that old, but I think in most countries I'd still be considered an adult) with no plans or ambitions and without the ability to think long-term or care about how what I do will affect my future as well as others'. I was just not used to thinking ahead because I was sure I didn't have to, I never questioned it or even prepared for the possibility that I might stay alive a bit longer than planned because in my mind such possibility did not exist, I _knew_ everything was going to be over soon, I needed to believe that it was going to be over soon, so, for the sake of getting some sort of relief from the apocalypse that was taking place in my head at the time, I wouldn't allow the thought that my life might last longer than expected to enter my conscious mind. What I can say to you is that even though now (this may or may not be the case for you, but it was for me so I thought I'd share it) it may seem like your mental development was irreparably damaged by years of dysfunctional thoughts and you will never be able to think like a normal human being or master the same mental skills as someone who has always had a genuine will to live and embrace existence, it will get better. Have faith in the plasticity of your synapses. It's incredible what our mind and body can adapt to, and how our thinking style changes to match our ever evolving outlook on life, ourselves and the universe. I can relate to the emptiness, for me it comes and goes, sometimes out of nowhere, other times brought on by thinking too much about stuff, both personal and ''philosophical''. I have no advice on how to deal with it, but I think as we continue to grow up and shape our life according to what we want out of it, staying true to ourselves, things will start to fall into place and peace of mind will follow. Also, I haven't had any of the experiences most commonly associated with teens, namely sex, drinking and partying, and that used to make it hard for me to relate to my peers, but honestly now, with the benefit of hindsight, I'm just glad I didn't go against my nature to fit in. Not that I could have, because, socially, I was and still am a freak, so my attempts would have been unsuccessful anyway, but still, the point is we're all different, everyone's path is different, and that is one of the most underrated aspects of our species. Take care xoxo

[@emmy676]

I hope you are doing okay kovu we all love you ♥️♥️♥️

[@shalacarter6658]

Hello Dear One! I am glad that you are a volunteer in school to help the kids below you. :) That is so cool. And your room looks great. I will miss the flower mural. I really love it. But am looking forward to the astronomy pictures. You are going to turn 17, whether you like it or not. But, find another word. "Turn" is pretty harsh. Try "I am going to be 17. Or, for now, you could be 16.1. :) I know you did not plan to live this long and it is stressful. And school starting is stressful. I think it's time for you to see a psychiatrist, don't you? You are showing some pretty clear signs of depression. Talk to your parents and see what they think. Don't forget to take your dog on nice, long walks. And get one of those "light lamps" for when it turns dark. Just remember you are loved and you deserve to be loved. ! Shala

[@evelinke]

It's gonna be okay. ❤️💜❤️💜

[@-otter-1715]

I love you ❤️ you have helped me so much

[@eliomatias2869]

i love you so much and we all just want you to be happy :(

[@caromarx3643]

Since your voice sounds a lot deeper now, you´re accent suddenly sounds kinda posh. Don´t know why but it´s really cute!

[@letscringeovermyfringe7980]

(i edited my last comment but i'll write the rest in the second one) it's crazy how many unpredictable things can have an impact on a school year, right? you can start school in a really shitty way and eveything thorought the year can turn out quite okay. you can start school in a really good way and everything thorought the year can turn out really shitty. you don't have a control over these moods. what i wanna say that even if you start this year in not the best vibes, don't blame yourself. because in most cases you're not responsible for that and EVERYTHING can change. just try to live your life, stay healthy, take care of yourself, talk to people about your feeling and seek help if you need it. you cannot plan and control everything even if you would like to make your school year good and perfect.

[@jemini3615]

You rooms wonderful,ranting to us is healthy like a diary that answers back,you school is so cool and confusing, sorry about your day sucked today,my only advice is find something to look forward to in each class or every three classes,

[@rowancallahan3154]

Yooz amazeballz

[@micksharp1169]

Kovu, don't be 17 then stay 16, it's just a number it's how you feel, if you feel 14 then be 14 while you can. I'm 77 but I don't feel that age i feel many many years younger and I enjoy it and intend to carry on. Live for today.

[@RainSiriusValentine]

I went back to school one week ago, and I’m already reaching out back to my therapist. Because this is my last year, and I have a feeling my mental health’s just going to ruin everything for me again. Like, I love school, but my depression fucking doesn’t. I also get the thing about having been in a bad place mentally for multiple years, and trying to let it go. I wish it was just somehow easier.

[@letscringeovermyfringe7980]

I would really like to write you something to comfort you somehow, to say some words that will make you feel better but i know it doesn't work this way. Kovu, i think that for some people 'not feeling their age' (according to what you said that you feel more like a 14yo guy) is connected with mental health issues (especially anxiety, depression and eating disorders) and lack of social experience. you can become a mature man when you're out of like partying, socializing and all that stuff but for some people who don't go out that much, who like to spend time alone, who have only a few close friends and who mainly stay home (or go out but they're still being alone) it's impossible to feel their age. because the older you get, the more life experience you should have. i think that's the way it is. and being in your head all the time doesn't give you the 'physical' experience. also i heard that many people with autism/aspergers dont feel their age. they have this feeling in themselves to be protected by others. also they are just 'socially immature' in many cases, they don't get the whole thing with social activities; sometimes they want to join other people but they're just different and they don't fit in. for many of them partying and drinking is pointless (in the way that most of society does it) so they don't participate in events like that, they prefer to do activities on their own or activities that are more slow i would say? and this causes the whole 'lack of life experience' which leads to not feeling your age. i'm not diagnosing, i'm just talking about a subject that may interests you (?) i don't know. BUT you being suicidal before must have such a huge impact on the case. you were feeling more free because you didn't have to think about grown up life in general and now you have to face it. you're almost a grown up. it's a new thing to you i guess. you haven't thought about it and now it's getting real. you pushed away that thought and almost everyone in you age used to it through all these years. they may be scared but they knew that someday it'll happen.and for you the age 17 was a 'never' so i think it's normal to feel the way you're feeling about it right now. you're getting out the comfort zone - in less than a month you'll be experiencing something you haven't thought about at all.

[@juxingaround3762]

Hey i just wanted to say that I turned 17 (exactly) a month ago, and I used to be kinda scared or something about turning 17, like, I could see myself as a 16 yo but 17 seemed idk too old i guess ? So it's a bit like someone pushed me into turning 17 and it was so scary at first, but now I'm kind of used to it (?), after a month telling myself that I'm 17. Also I was pretty scared because this year will be my last year of highschool, and I'm just not prepared ._. I feel so young and unexperimented about life, and now I have to actually choose my future wtf x) But I'm trying to focus on actual projects I wanna start this year, and on all the good things I'm looking forward to, in order not to think about the rest too much and freak out x). Sooo, to anyone who might be reading this thing, just try to stay positive and I promise it is going to be fine ^^. Idk, this comment was too long and probably useless but I felt like sharing this... (PS : also, sorry for my mistakes of frenchy)

[@shalacarter6658]

I think that society puts too much pressure on ppl. your age. Or, does not prepare them enough. You don't have to go to Uni, you know. You could find a trade school.

[@alexandroid4703]

Love the room, I start school in like 16 days and I'm not ready at all :(

[@jamiepineda1500]

I start school in 9 days exactly

[@robertrist2300]

Kovu if something ever happens to you it would tear my heart you are the most beautiful and kindness person on this earth and is going up to be more adult life might be harder on and how you are dealing with your body and I hope you find your true love and grow older to certain age I want you to be happy always I hope you get there with my friendship ok now take care my friend your friend from Nashville Tennessee can't wait to see your next video's

[@moritzwagner4332]

Omg I'm starting school this Friday. So nervous.

[@patpaxton981]

Kovu as a physician I think a psychologist is a good idea. Your depression is worrying and I know you don’t really want to go to but it is necessary. We all need help at times and it is not a sign of weakness!! Please consider it!!!

[@77pete7]

Here’s a few thoughts on this one ... First ... starting back, even say, going back to work after only a week or two off brings on feelings of heaviness for most people. I hope it didn’t last long for you! I can understand that 17 is coming too quickly... you have, in effect, lost out on 3 years of vibrant, conscious living, while existing in your dark tunnel. Now that you are functioning better, does it feel like you are telescoping 4 years into 1 or 2? I can relate, because at age 11, I was sent away to a boys’ boarding school, where I suffered greatly. Also, when I got back after my first term, my girlfriend had moved away. I haven’t had another proper relationship since, and somehow I emerged as gay from the school experience. (But I haven’t had a gay friendship either.) When, after 4 years of misery, I got into a local school again, I had missed out on so much key social development at those ages, I really couldn’t make up the gap. Severity of feelings ... I wonder if, now that you are out of the depths of darkness, you have a different sensitivity scale? You say you don’t feel bad enough, but could it also be that you are now MORE sensitive to smaller amounts of emotional pain, so that what is triggering you is even more insignificant than you think? Consider that. Is your emotional thermostat just used to being set at 30, and goes back there by habit? Or, look at it this way. You talk of going from 100 to 30 very quickly. Does that mean that you have no emotional vocabulary/ experience in between these levels? You are well used to operating at 30, and have only recently discovered 100 ... but what about 40-80? Missing? Can you work at developing the intermediate states. Don’t take the express train, but take the one that stops everywhere. Discuss with your friends to see if they have a richer palette of emotions than you. Finally, maybe you could train yourself to become hyper aware of when you are slipping down, or better yet, ask your subconscious to show you the signs that happen before you fall down, so you can catch it in advance. A thinker like you has a good chance of finding a work-around by training your awareness. Good luck, mate. Thanks for the emotional workout ... a year of your life condensed into a weekend! Oh, finally ... it’s not a competition to see who can give the most ... you or us. If it helps, think of yourself as a catalyst that stimulates the reaction. There is pain everywhere; you do a vid about your feelings, which is the catalyst; then the embers burst into flame in the comments, and the fire spreads through the whole community. I love your kind spirit! Essay over!

[@77pete7]

And, 100 is not preferable to, nor better than 30 or 40. You wouldn’t do 100 at a funeral ... you need the whole range.

[@nimbxiasmr2625]

in one day i have school and im waiting for the postman to come from when we moved to korea and now im morning my summer and how ive done the same thing for the whole summer daily schedule play on phone/laptop till 11 sleep unpack boxes eat dinner end of day also kovu did you paint your ceiling it looks like theirs sunflowers on it sorry for rambling kovu enjoy the little moments from school ❤️❤️❤️

[@callumread7359]

i feel exactly the same way about being 17! im really dreading turning 17 and i don't know why and i feel 14 still and i don't know why (i also look 14 still haha) but I've always had a thing that i won't turn 20 and I've had trauma when i was 5 and mental health stuff when i was 12-15/now but I've been getting so much better recently so they could all be reasons why i feel 14 still but its so confusing! and its so scary that i have a future which i didn't used to think i had. idk this was a ramble but basically i feel the same as everything you've said

[@abee948]

Don’t worry, your not spreading negativity, if anything you help me with my problems by talking about your experiences and sharing stuff.

[@melaniev9473]

Kovu, I'm not good at writing comments, just wanna say you are an amazing person. Though my English is not that perfect to understand everything you say, haha, anyway Love from Russia🙌🙌

[@ryangrant2075]

I can't imagine myself any older either it's so weird

[@lwiln4389]

I have a question about the norvegian system, do you guys end school and go to uni at nineteen? This question has been on my mind for a bit, idk! (Also thanks kovu for this video, its weird but we usually share the same thoughts:)

[@agabas]

L Wiln Not Kovu, but yeah! One is (usually) 19/20 years old at the first year of uni.

[@billiefreitas6621]

L Wiln How is it where you come from? I'm brazilian and I'm finishing high School this year (I'm 16) but people here usually finish with 18 years old

[@yourlocalfatkid1048]

20:02 im not alone i thought i was the only one who had this

[@TheMono313]

~12:00 Am almost 23. Feel the same way of not having lived life to the fullest, as I should have... Hang in there c:

[@TheMono313]

17:00 I'm glad (well, I don't know if glad is the right word) to see I'm not alone feeling like this

[@akiokaname7567]

It’s your birthday today I think so happy birthday 🎈🎂🎉🎁🎊

[@kovuisamythicalone-hornedc2051]

Thank you! :D

[@exclusiveboi1723]

When I turned 16 I felt really weird that I hadn’t had my first kiss or had sex or got drunk but when I turned 18 I loosened up and didn’t care, and all those things suddenly happened. I’m 19 now and already 17 sounds so young to me

[@kristaisreading]

Im so bad at socializing. Like idc about parties or anything like that but I'm bad at making friends. I've had the same friends my whole life. I've somehow made a few more friends aling the way but idk how to make friends😅 in kindergarten I hugged a few people randomly and now those people are my best friends going into 10th grade. I love them, but I feel like I need to meet new people because those friends wont be there my whole life which is the scariest thing about growing up for me

[@shalacarter6658]

Parties in high school are usually a bad thing. Drinking and drugs are not good. You seem to be doing very well making new friends. And how do you know your current friends will not be there your whole life? You may end up being best friends with some of your Kindergarten friends til you are 90!

[@emmy676]

I haven’t seen the video yet but today was my first day at a new school and it was ROUGH

[@karab.2967]

I know that I just posted advice and stuff but if anyone sees this can I have some advice?(I feel like an idiot oh my gawd) So I'm staring school on the 5th of September and I'm very closeted. I'm not sure what to do because I get very dysphoric when I get addressed by my birth name instead of my preferred name. I've told a couple of my friends, but only two of them go to my school. I don't want to tell my teachers to call me another name because my classmates will get suspicious and I don't want to tell the whole world yet that I'm trans. I'm just afraid of what my mental state would be like after this year.

[@williamdegroot-motisi3959]

when you did your London meet up I had just left London to go to Finland. I live in the US. If you ever visit can you do a meet up in New York pweeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaase?????? lysm

[@GGemin0-TTRPG]

As someone who lives the "teenage culture" its not wat its cracked up to be ive been to 3 parties so far n they've been great, i get so drunk n huggy with the people there n its great but fuuuuuuuuuuuck hangovers jesus christ theyre so BS 😂

[@shalacarter6658]

It is an interesting fact of life that you can be happy and affectionate with friends when you are sober. :) Plus, drunk driving kills people. Be safe!

[@lolalime9227]

I have 2 weeks till school 2 weeksI'm not ready

[@jamiepineda1500]

I have one week 😬

[@AJ-dc2eq]

It's fine to talk to us

[@billiefreitas6621]

I'm brazilian (I'm also 16 and gonna finish high School in november) and all that I used to plan was going to another contry as a exchange student and figure out stuff then but everything is in crisis so we really don't have money (like, we don't have healthy insurance, in Brazil has public hospitals but is crap) and now I don't wanna go to uni at 16, I can't work, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. I just want to go away for some time, learn a different language, make friends. Oh, I'm kinda struggling with gender identety too so... Yeah. I'm taking anxiety medicine, it's helping. I'm happy, just confused

[@heyadora9070]

oiii!! nem sei se vc vai ver isso, mas como estão as coisas agora?? Vc tá melhor?? Espero que simmm :)) to no segundo ano do EM e to me sentindo que nem o kovu hahaha, exatamente do mesmo jeito. Eu me sinto muito bem no canal dele e fico revendo os vídeos antigos (que nem esse aqui kkkkk), pq ele consegue explicar tudo oq eu to sentindo e qdo eu tento falar com alguem, ngm entende hahaha, sei lá, só me sinto muito confortável aqui. Também queria fazer faculdade fora e to fazendo de td pra "planejar" certinho, mas aaaaaaa é muito caro e n sei se vai darrr. Desculpa isso aqui estar tão longo hahha, mas é legal de saber que há 2 anos vc escreveu isso sem saber as milhares de coisas que poderiam acontecer no seu futuro, e que estão acontecendo exatamente agora, enquanto eu escrevo isso. Não sei se fez sentido kkkkkkkkk mas apesar de tudo, realmente espero que as coisas estejam fazendo mais sentido pra vc agora. pq morro de medo de não fazerem pra mim. Te desejo td de bommm, que coisas incriveis aconteçam na sua vida!! :))

[@billiefreitas6621]

@@heyadora9070 oii, como tu tá? Então, em relação a faculdade eu ainda estou um pouco enrolada. Fiz um período de Direito e tranquei pq não era pra mim, eu tava tirando ótimas notas, mas não é sobre isso, eu não queria lidar com aqueles assuntos pra sempre. Eu tô estudando pro Enem do fim do ano, quero fazer medicina. É uma sensação estranha pq eu gosto dessa área mas se pudesse ainda viajaria e aprenderia novas línguas e culturas (Eu tenho uma grande facilidade de aprender línguas) antes de entrar na faculdade. Eu passei em Letras inglês e estou pensando em cursar enquanto estudo pro Enem, não sei com certeza ainda. De saúde mental eu ainda tomo remédio e tal, é uma luta kklk mas cheguei a conclusão que viver é se conhecer e é isso kkk. Eu sempre acreditei que ia ter uma pandemia, desde pequena, quando nem sabia o que pandemia era. Eu e minha antiga psicóloga brincamos sobre isso até hoje pq aconteceu. Eu acho que a Beatriz de 16 anos que escreveu esse comentário aí ia ficar feliz de onde cheguei mentalmente e ao mesmo tempo, talvez, tivesse se dedicado mais para os estudos e a estudar investimento, apesar que talvez afetasse negativamente, não sei kkk Você planeja fazer faculdade onde e de quê? Estou feliz de você ter me "encontrado"

[@billiefreitas6621]

@@heyadora9070 aa, e as coisas vão fazer sentido sim, pode ter certeza

[@heyadora9070]

@@billiefreitas6621 aaaaaa que incrivell hahhaa, nao pensei q vc fosse responder tao rapidoo, mas sla acho q é isso mesmo q vc falou né? tipo, viver é ir se conhecendo e fazendo oq faz mais sentido pra vc em cada época... e sobre mimm, to bem confusa sobre oq estudar, eu consigo tirar notas até q boas na escola e td mais, mas não gosto de nenhuma materia praticamente e tbm nao sou boa nelas (pq tirar nota é bem diferente de ser boa e entender né jndakjndnja) e parece q tudo oq importa é nota sabe?? tipo, em cada aula q eu tenho os professores falam "vestibular" no minimo umas 15 vezes, e meio q isso me faz perder toda a motivação pq parece q a escola nao liga pra gnt realmente aprender as coisas . É só nota e mais nota, ent meio q to só indo um dia de cada vez pq se eu pensar de mais eu surto...??? por mais que a sensação de q to perdendo tempo e nao estudando o sufuciente tá ENORME KKKKKKKK mas ainda assim to me preparando pra tentar entrar em algm escola de artes na europa (por ser mais barato doq nos eua e tbm pq gosto mais da cultura de lá em geral e tals) montando portfolio e etcc, pq é a unica coisa q eu sou "boa" kkkkkkk e o estilo das escola de artes no brasil são muito diferentes doq eu queria E tenho ctz q a Beatriz de 16 ia estar muuuuito orgulhosa de vc!! Vc chegou mt mt longe e tenho ctz de q vc é uma pessoa incrível, de vdd. Quem sabe daqui a alguns anos eu ou vc do nada nos lembramos desse comentário aqui, e venhamos ler e percebemos o quão longe chegamos?? E q não precisava ter se preocupado tanto??? hahah, enfimm o futuro assusta demaissss, é muita incerteza sobre td, mas a gnt tem q acreditar q vai dar tudo certo e tentar ver uma "razão" ou motivação pra continuar indo independente da situação em q estamoss Aproveita seu domingooo!! boa sorte em tdd

[@rainboh_is_my_name_oh5250]

Saaame

[@jakobstenberg4135]

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