First Hand Encounters With Worlds’ Dumbest Criminals | People Stories

[@harrysachz6748]

Austrialian guy: (brushes off 2 armed muggers) Nah sorry mate. I'm Australian. Florida Man: Finally, a worthy opponent. Our battle will be legendary!

[@ladyfatass7470]

But I'm Canada.. lol wow

[@curtisfranzen986]

I'm a Chicagoan, I'd ask you to both calm down and offer a drink. I have the ability to politely make that happen.

[@sliestwheel]

Breaking News: Florida Man beaten to death with a Crocodile

[@curtisfranzen986]

@@sliestwheel It's always Florida. Unless you're from Chicago. Just kidding, most people I know from both are cool. Just for fun, Google the phrase "fuck that gator" . Darwin Award recipient.

[@BR-jw7pm]

I gave you a like for a Kung Fu panda reference. even if it isn't a reference, I'll still give you the like

[@martinhepworth8771]

I used to work in a supermarket and this lady comes to my till with a trolly full of huge family sized crisp packets. She tells me the exact number of them to save her taking them out of the trolley. And I could see clearly dozens upon dozens of bottles of wine, champagne and cans of beer hidden underneath. I asked her if the crisps were all she was buying for which she said yes. I then sweetly told her that I think she may have forgotten to mention a few things. She tries to act confused until I point out to her I could clearly see the gallons of alcohol she was trying to steal. Without a word she just scuttles away. But not before her face was caught on our CCTV. Some people really are just so stupid 😂

[@curtisfranzen986]

I am 55 years old. I worked retail for 10 months. The WORST 10 months of my life!!

[@gwencatz2483]

I love the trick that some cashiers/managers do where they just point up to the security cam without a word. Instinctually people look in the direction and boom: face caught on CCTV. Priceless.

[@curtisfranzen986]

@@gwencatz2483 I had a similar experience. Except they were neighbors. In new thier addresses.

[@curtisfranzen986]

@Jeff Adams ??

[@kaypounds9543]

My fellow supervisor caught a lady doing that once. Only it was pantyhose and she had them in her purse. When he asked her if she was going to buy them she pretended like she forgot she put them there. 🤦

[@jeannebuttons5301]

I worked at a bakery years ago; I'm picking out the pasteries for a customer and when I turn my back to get a specific item a random child screams "Daddy! That's stealing!" When I turn back there's a man who wasn't my customer carrying the screaming child like a potato sack in one arm, the bag of pastries in the other. Unfortunately for Mr. Theif the door he forgot the door said "Pull" and he crashed into it. The kid kept yelling how hell "tell mommy daddy is stealing", Mr. Theif was embarrassed and sheepishly returned to the counter with the crumpled bag; my customer apologized, said that was his brother and he was always pulling 'pranks' like that. I warned Mr. Theif, after he paid for the pastries and gave a generous tip, that hes lucky he didn't do that while the police officers were picking up their sticky buns.

[@Werewolf.with.Internet.Access]

I’m just laughing hysterically at the cashier who accidentally took the gun from the burglar Like the burglar just had to be standing there like “I swear, I planned for like a dozen ways this could go…and this was not one of them”

[@yourfavoriteoompaloompa139]

Woman steals jewelry from her workplace from boss. Woman WEARS stolen jewelry back to work, face to face with boss. True story

[@Crazylom]

Hired by Boss, fired by boss.

[@LordBloodraven]

This was back in 2002, I was a courtesy clerk at an Albertson's and was mopping up milk that spilled when someone dropped a 1-gallon jug as they were leaving the store. I had put the wet floor sign out and finished mopping up when a thief tried running out of the store with 2 12-packs of beer. The guy slipped and ate shit. I was pissed because now I had to clean up the shattered glass, spilt beer and blood from the thief breaking his nose on the pavement outside.

[@brianzulauf2974]

Just casually walking out tends to work better than slipping and dying.

[@curtisfranzen986]

Poetic Justice is Sweet!!

[@DavidLLambertmobile]

Ha! Sweet justice! 🍺

[@Gilhelmi]

4:00 "turns out that the wallet was the black guys Secret Service credentials. Oops" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, (wheeze while taking a breath), HAHAHAHAHA. That is good. I hope that a dozen agents showed up to "take statements" (make a statement about how bad of idea it is to mess with them.)

[@curtisfranzen986]

I want to reply, but I'm not sure anyone would believe me. Let's just say it had something to do with my Gramps and WW2.

[@Gilhelmi]

@@curtisfranzen986 I have studied enough history to know that most things are possible. Go ahead and tell your grandfather's story.

[@curtisfranzen986]

@@Gilhelmi This is bringing up memories. I will try to explain. My Gramps served in WW2. Gramps was a Marine though was more than boots on the ground. Unfortunately, Gramps died before he would tell his stories to me. However, Gramps told his stories to my Mom. Well, Gramps passed when I was 20. So the only word I have is from Mom. I went to visit my Mom 7 months before Mom passed. Cancer is a BITCH!!!! I asked Mom about Gramps. Thankfully, Mom was honest with me. Gramps, as an independent contractor, did Spec Opps for both the FBI, and CIA. So my Gramps was a cross between James Bond, and Jason Born. I've poured it all out. But Gramps was my best friend. I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!

[@Gilhelmi]

@@curtisfranzen986 yeah, those OSI guys were amazing.

[@angelsartandgaming]

I'm dead at the "Nah sorry mate, I'm Australian." Story. Hahahaha!

[@Crazylom]

Yo ain't robbin' pure blood aussie

[@Nefarious_Bread]

"Nah sorry mate I'm Australian, we have bugs scarier than you". ~Some drunk Aussie

[@westtexastiger]

When I first started working in a grocery store, it was part time, and as I learned other positions, I went to full time, eventually becoming a night manager. One evening, I was the manager in charge, and happened to see a guy trying to walk out the door with a 30 pack of Budweiser in each hand, without paying. I followed him out the door, and recognized him. This guy was working at the store, when I first started there. He continued to walk away, and I called him by name, and told him "Drop the damn beer, Name." He turns around and the color completely drained from his face. I was able to fill out the police report, and put the guy's full name on it. He screwed himself. I still get a chuckle out of this memory, 20 years later.

[@Waltham1892]

I was a police officer and it was the start of the PM watch so all the officers were in the parking loading their cars when a private vehicle with a male driving and female passenger cruise into the parking lot. Two officers wave at them to stop so they can tell them that the Black and White lot isn't for public parking and they need to park on the street, but they keep rolling. Sensing something ain't right, a Black and White cuts them off and we notice that the ignition on the car was punched. Long story made short, the car was stolen. These two wizards had seen a Black and White in front of the station and panicked, turning into the first parking lot they saw to avoid it. Yep, it was the station's parking lot and they rolled right into us.

[@curtisfranzen986]

Can't fix stupid!

[@curtisfranzen986]

To the story about "I'm Australian", I LOLOLed at that. I've had similar experiences. I grew up in Chicago. I have met Ausie's in the course of my life. I think y'all are cool. Give No Shyt, take no Shyt kind of people.

[@zhankazest]

is this something else that i havent seen before or did you just say that you laughed out loud out loud?

[@michaelmclachlan1650]

Australian myself, years back I worked with a guy who worked as part time bouncer. One night in Sydney he was with a mate and they were accosted by some juvenile hoodlum and his friends. The little shit drew a knife and was immediately punched in the face, dropping him like a sack of potatoes. The rest scattered. I recall an old story about some Aussie tourist in New York who beat a wannabe mugger black and blue.

[@curtisfranzen986]

@@zhankazest Yes, in fact I did.

[@curtisfranzen986]

@@michaelmclachlan1650 From your post, my guess is that the perp had no intention of using the butter knife, he was trying to scare someone. He Failed.

[@zhankazest]

@Daulton Tawney Yeah, i do know, he answered my question.

[@TimeSurfer206]

My favorite is when I was in Arizona, and a guy came in and brandished a KNIFE at the cashier. Cashier just leaned on the counter and said, "Darling, you're from California, aren't you?" As he heard half a dozen firearms being cocked. EVERY CUSTOMER in the store had a pistol. More recently, I was walking into a supermarket, when this guy about 6' tall and 125 pounds, maybe when wet, is making a run for the door. With a hand basket full of meat. Being the gentleman I am, I held the door open for him. And accidently slipped, at the worst time, one of my feet catching his legs. He slid 6' on the sidewalk, on his face. What a horrible time for me to Get the Klutzies. 25:00 In the industry, we call this "Shitting in your bedroom." One of the few smart "Boosters" I ever met was banned from almost every store in town. EXCEPT the Supermarket closest to his own home. "I gotta shop somewhere, man..."

[@katherinegarlock2249]

Ooh, I have one! I worked at a Burlington, and we would put sensors on all of our clothes/accessories above certain price points, depending on the item, department, etc. A pair of guys come in, and one of the decided he wanted one of the nice coats with a sensor on them. Note: these sensors have a sharp pin, but they come off easily with removers at the registers. He decided to try and remove them with force, by hand. He ends up slicing his hand open and the paramedics have to be called for him, along with the police.

[@kaypounds9543]

Because I work in a thrift store, we don't have sensors. One day not too long ago when I was running the front of the store (I'm a supervisor but I'm often put as cashier because that's where I started.) A regular customer approached me after I had dropped something off in the back and was coming back to the front and asked me if I rang up the lady with the clothes on the hangers. I asked who she meant and she pointed out a lady getting in a car. The driver seemed to hesitate but I wasn't about to chase them down. Instead I just read the license plate to memorize it and grabbed paper to write it down then went back to tell my store manager and assistant manager so we could see if we could catch her on tape and then report it.

[@SnacksLP]

The 1st guy could have stolen the best booze, a few bottles, maybe steal a bag to carry it, and went back hiding in the ceiling above the restrooms to later escape during the day. He was stealthy enough to sneak in up to that point, could have done the same when escaping.

[@DemonicGoddess]

Lets be real, the criminal found out health code violations. Locked fire escapes, and the alarms for them not going off.

[@chasefrost1401]

"aw come on man, gimme your money. I need it for things." "How about a rusty pipe." "FINE! I'll see you next payday." *Kisses cheek goodbye*

[@shroomboy432]

This happened sometime when my grandfather was working as a detention officer. Obese guy trys to rob a house, climbs in through the window, gets stuck halfway thru, homeowner sees and calls the cops, cops have to pull him out of the window. He appears before the judge and makes up a sob story about how he was starving and just wanted food. So the judge lets him go. A couple days later, the exact same thing happens, guy gets stuck in the window and ends up appearing before the same judge. Tries to get away with a sob story but the judge gave him a couple years

[@nolan2820]

21:52 what a missed opportunity to call yourself a SOUPerhero smh

[@mitchspencer7549]

"He tried to jack your car and now can't even jack himself." Lmao 🤣

[@Darkrazer91]

Haven't witnessed it, but i heard the story. There was this family in my hometown who managed to steal quite the amount of copper wire, but left it in their garden in plain sight, so police caught them literally the next day. That's why i always refer to them as the "Real Life Beagle Boys"

[@debbierichards8182]

I nearly swallowed my tongue laughing ar Captain Jack Sparrow holding up the store. Only 1 hole in the bag over his head. Wow

[@David-yq4yn]

Used to go to this small store just to pick up chips,candy,drinks etc But I'd usually the same snacks everyday around the same time. One day place is being robbed by 3 guys I completely ignored them got my snacks and yelled at the cashier (who was face down on the ground) to ring me up. 1 of the guys points gun at me kept telling me to get on the ground or he'll shoot I yelled at him he'd be doing me a favor and that I been wanting to die for a long time (yes i was serious) I yelled at the cashier who starts to ring me up and I walked out and left. Went in the next day and cashier tells me Police show up not long after I left and arrested the guys who stopped there Robbing to decide if I was crazy or not and if they should have shot me

[@Gingerninja44]

r/iamverybadass

[@hardgoretobi6277]

r/thathappened

[@JDLupus]

Eye Patch Man has become one of my very favourite stories.

[@Sigurdur_the_bumbling_idiot]

Once someone tried to draw a gun to my head and accidentally threw his gun to me

[@redrock717]

I would have shit myself laughing if the Australian was like “that’s not a knife, I’ll show ya a knife”

[@Kobstar]

Crocodile dundee intensifies

[@potatokitty]

What a polite criminal.

[@fredferd965]

In Las Vegas more than thirty years ago, people were breaking into newspaper stands for the change, or sometimes just taking the the stands and smashing them elsewhere. One dealer chained four of his stands together with thick, heavy chains. He came back one day, and all four of the stands were gone, but he saw massive scrape marks in the asphalt parking lot behind where the stands had been. The marks went back about a hundred feet and ended at the front door of a ground floor apartment. He called the police, who got a warrant, and the rest is history. I was there to take pictures for the police department. It was like following the tracks of a herd of elephants.

[@discoveryoutdoorskcfishing236]

Actually just happened to me. I work in water remediation which means I use these very expensive machines to suck the water out of rooms and it runs them through a hose out of the building. I saw one come up for sale on Facebook marketplace for a good price so I told the person I would buy it and drove about 3 hours to pick it up. Ended up the pickup location was an apartment complex which I thought was weird considering it was a $2500 machine. But I thought maybe the person selling it was like me and just an entrepreneur who is living cheap while growing their business. Met the guy at my truck and he was trying to quickly shuffle the machine into the truck and collect his money which made me suspicious. I asked to see it run to make sure it worked correctly and he hesitatedly started to walk back towards his apartment to show me it ran. On the way back to his apartment the property manager cut us off and asked what he was doing with the machine they let him borrow to dry out his unit. He quickly gave some story about him not knowing it was theirs and took off. I still don't understand what he thought was going to happen. They obviously gave him the machine and knew he had it.

[@sturmovik5448]

I'd like to nominate a second-hand story I once heard about a New York City firefighter back in the 1970s. This guy was well known to his colleagues as a shady character and also a total idiot. One night, when he wasn't on duty, his fire station got a phone call on the regular, non-emergency line. One of the firefighters answered, then spent the next thirty seconds or so listening silently with an expression of increasing disbelief and outrage. Then he snarled, "Go to hell, asshole!" and slammed the phone down. The conversation had gone like this: "Hey, this is (redacted), I just broke into the 7-Eleven over in (a few neighborhoods away), but I broke my leg falling through the skylight and I need you guys to come with the truck and break down the doors to get me out, 'kay?" They never said anything, he disappeared for six weeks or so and then randomly showed up for his shift one day with some story about breaking his leg while fishing or something. Apparently that was par for the course for this guy. Ahhh, 1970s New York.

[@Tomha]

We had a guy who accidentally killed himself trying to steal from a donation box. You know those small metal boxes that ask for donations for Veterans? Well a guy would check up on the box on like a weekly basis. So this thief decides "I want what this box has!" and he's trying to open it up, no luck. He realizes he can actually get IN it though and I guess he thought "Get inside, open it from the inside, get loot." Turns out he just trapped himself inside a metal box in the middle of summer and would have to wait about 4 days till the owner came for the stuff. Well...he died, it's a hot summers day and he's cooking inside of a metal box. Nobody heard him scream for help, nobody knew he was in there until we started to smell something nasty in the boxes area. It was a...unique stench. Like rotting meat, but cooking. You can tell the food was cooking, but something was clearly wrong. Our store had a meeting about it and the managers simply said "It never happened. We don't acknowledge it, we don't tell anyone about it. Got it?" regarding the death. I don't know who they thought wasn't going to find out cause it was obviously gonna wind up on the local news and none of us were sworn to secrecy. The donation box was removed entirely and now we only have the 2 smaller ones for clothes.

[@Babbleplay]

21 mins in : Souperman!

[@benjaminroberson1967]

My great grandpa was a kid when he and his dad went to the neighbor's farm (they were the caretakers for an out of area family). As it was raining my great grandpa went to the barn to play and found a transient man in the hay. The man gave a typical 1920s sob story of looking for work. He was given permission to stay in the barn for the night. The next morning the small town's bank was robbed a small posse was formed and they easily tracked down the thief due to the adobe mud. As the posse is gaining the robber tries to flee by going up a tree... a lemon tree. (Lemon trees have nasty thorns about 1 inch long!) Unsurprisingly the mad did not put up a fight once he was cornered.

[@k.chriscaldwell4141]

An employee at a big box computer store I worked at was busted trying to leave the store with a few sticks of high priced Apple computer memory in his bag. The security tags had set off the alarm, and he was busted. The crazy part is that he knew the tags were in the memory packages, could even see them through he clear plastic, but failed to remove them. He literally had all day to remove the tags with a couple of razor cuts with a store provided box cutter. Nope. Idiot! And oh, he was arrested and charged with a serious misdemeanor because of the high dollar value of the memory. It might have even been a felony, as that memory at the time was very high priced.

[@godofchaos9571]

A group of robbers robbed some stores at a strip mall in my neighborhood. Then proceeded to go across the parking lot and go inside and order food from McDonald's.

[@Dostoron]

-when you autopilot so hard you disarm a robber. -"that's a weird shaped card... wait."

[@proridinggamers396]

That gentleman robber has my respect ngl

[@pirategirl1588]

I'm visually impaired (not blind) and use a 48 inch cane that I roll along the ground, when I walk. My fiance dropped me off near the entrance of a Walmart. As I was heading towards the door, this dude dressed like Inspector Gadget, with an oversized, ankle-length trench coat and a top hot, walks up behind me and gets inches from my back, like he's going to frisk me. I knew he was there, but my purse was zipped tightly under my arm and I had nothing in my pockets, so I did a little two step jig, and this dude tried to step with me, then I spun around, and the dude nearly tackled me! I jumped out of the way, as he went flying forward, and I said, "Hey! Can I help you?" He crashed into a row of carts and yelled, "Geez! What's your problem?" With his pride wounded, he turned around and walked directly into my fiance. He tried reaching into my fiance's coat and my fiance grabbed his hand, spun him around, then grabbed his other arm. The dude started screaming that he was being assaulted and robbed and one of the stores security guards ran in from outside. A Walmart employee was standing inches from us, in the seconds this all happened, and told the security guard what really went on. The policeman arrested the dude, took him out in handcuffs, then downtown to jail, all because the dude tried to pickpocket someone he thought was blind!

[@Kaisea.]

I was a Pizza Hut delivery driver and one day it was around 6:30 and I pull into a drive near the house I was delivering to. Then I notice right next to my car was 2 people breaking into the house they stop look at me and continue so I call the cops I finish my delivery and the cops showed up and they got busted I love that feeling

[@Oddballkane]

Where I used to work was a charity and it had to use 1 terribly old PC just for admin. Someone smashed the window cutting themselves in the process and took this old PC. Then one of the people who the charity helped told us it had been placed in her bin. I guess they ment to come back for it. Anyway we ended up getting the PC back and they got arrested because of DNA evidence.

[@PumpkinHoard]

I used to know a crackhead that told me about how he stole a cement mixer from a building site. Dragged it all the way back to his ground floor flat. The cops followed the drag marks right to his door the next day. He was genuinely proud of his "funny story" when he told me.

[@kimtinte84]

Which one? 1) 1990s opened new checking acct had checks sent to house. They were stolen out of the mailbox. Lady was cashing them at various places around town but close to home. We had a pizza place that also did check cashing. (🤷🤣 its Vegas people.) One of the guys in the bar that day heard and saw this lady coming in saying she was babysitting for me and doing yardwork. He came and got me and we went back together. She was gone. Told the owner those were stolen checks as A) I had no kids living with me and B) I lived in a apartment so no yard work. The guy who came and got me verfied this since he was the complex handyman. 2) 🤦🤣. My X and I had very personalized checks at the time. These 2 female fools stole a written check from the store I used it at. After changing the info on the check (taking my name off and just leaving my hubby's) and putting for deposit only....into their own bank accounts. When I figured it out. I called their bank as a courtesy regarding the fraud, thats how I found out it was their personal accounts they used.

[@kaypounds9543]

A few months ago where I work I was in the back sorting clothes. A fellow supervisor saw a guy wandering in the hallway and the guy claimed to be looking for the restroom so the other supervisor showed him. A couple minutes later and while I was alone the guy walked out and started walking down the hallway where I was towards the back, but my store manager was nearby and asked him if he needed something. He told her he was just lost (btw it's a small thrift store) so she directed him back down the hallway he'd come from. Later in the day, the closing cashier noticed the register was off track. After reviewing the camera we saw that the "confused guy" had attempted to break into the cash register with some kind of crowbar or something. But he couldn't get it and got spooked by approaching customers. Thankfully he didn't get us for anything, but we later learned that he hit our sister store and stole a customer's purse and had gone to a gas station and stole something from there too.

[@DavidLLambertmobile]

I do security 👮🏻‍♂️, had a street thug try to hide in a hotel room. Homie ran into a room a maid was cleaning. Closed the hotel door, refuse to leave. Called sheriff's office 📞. Guy did exit room, put him in handcuffs waiting for OCSO. Suspect was fairly docile. I would have locked the door then took a quick 🛁 get dressed, come out. At least clean up before jail.

[@daughterofsekhmet81]

When I was a senior in high school(late 90s), I broke up with my boyfriend and found out he'd stolen my checkbook a few months later when the cops came a-knocking over a hot check "I" had written. Confused, I requested a copy of the check and it was obviously my ex's handwriting with a piss-poor forgery of my signature. Dumbass had ordered pizza delivery _to his house_ and tried to pay the Domino's guy with a $100 check to get cash back. I gave the cops some signature samples and my ex's information, and he got to spend some time in juvy.

[@builtontherockhomestead9390]

Use to attend a big city church. Guy doing his court ordered community service at my church didn't want to take the city bus after work but girlfriend refuses to pick him up. So he steals key to church's "Meals on Wheels" pickup truck. Name of church, address, and phone number is on truck's doors. Police find truck in girlfriend's apartment complex parking lot and idiot in girlfriend's apartment.

[@jaredcrabb]

Dude robbing the bank one, that guys dad had balls of magnetar or something, steel aint hard enough to describe that. These remind of the time I heard of a dude trying to jack an undercover police cruiser, with the police still inside.

[@melissalucas3951]

A friend of my robbed a little Mom & Pop convenient shop, well he stole a shit ton of scratch offs and scratched them all, he won around $8000 dollars all together. (Your think’in that he tried to turn em all in at once, you would be wrong, lol). He did however attempt to cash one of the $500.00 (he had 2 of those) When he went to the cashier (pretty girl) she must have made him go stupid because he didn’t realize he had been talkin to her for 25 mins when the cops showed up to arrest him. For those of you who don’t know this was STUPID because lotto tickets are numbered with the bar code so it was REAL easy to know they were stolen.

[@amarynthetheeternal2419]

Cracked up over the bird perch theif, was thinking he was going to be trying to shop lift a parrot. Poor bugger probably had the bird(s) and just needed an extra perch, as a bird owner I get it these guys are expensive to own.

[@curtisfranzen986]

I had some idiot try to steal my Rottweiler. Didn't turn out so well for him.

[@MC-uc1hw]

I know the guys from the thumbnail. They were my grandma’s neighbors. They turned out to be serial killers in the 1970’s. Scary stuff!

[@JaelinBezel]

Do you meanJoe Pesci?

[@MC-uc1hw]

@@JaelinBezel Not sure which serial killer that is but that’s not him.

[@oldhillbillybuckkowalski]

Your grandmother lived next to the burglars from the Home Alone movies?

[@MC-uc1hw]

@@oldhillbillybuckkowalski I have no idea what that is lol

[@oldhillbillybuckkowalski]

It's a movie, with a sequel or two, that has a family leaving town for the holidays, with extended family traveling with them. They wake up in the morning running late and in the chaos of getting to the airport on time a young boy, about 10 years old ( played by Mcauley Caulkin ) gets left behind, all by himself. The two actors pictured in the thumbnail play a pair of bumbling burglars that attempt to rob the home that they thought was empty, but the young boy ends up setting a number of clever and painful booby traps to thwart their plans and eventually they end up being caught by the police. It's a lighthearted action comedy that is suitable for most audiences. As mentioned in a comment from someone else, one of the men in the thumbnail is actor Joe Pesci, known for roles in Goodfellas, Casino, My Cousin Vinny, and many more movies, he is a talented comedic actor but has played a mobster in multiple movies to critical acclaim. The name of the other actor I cannot recall at this time.

[@esmooth919]

3:17 This one is my favorite so far.

[@esmooth919]

9:46 And then this story takes the cake for me.

[@SilverKingGary]

Knew a guy a few years back who had a really loud and squeaky voice, was out buying more beer (already drunk) and someone holds up the liquor store with a knife. I hear him scream "give me all the money" in his squeaky voice so in my drunken state go "Oh shit Mike how you doing man" then when he ignored me I just reached over and pulled his mask up and asked why he was being a dick. He ran off but the clerk wouldn't sell me any beer until I gave the cops a statement so I did, they picked him up at his place like 30 minutes later and I was allowed to buy more beer because I was clearly already intoxicated.

[@mysticfire5850]

A group of black teenagers (their race matters in this story) once tried to rob my pregnant mother while she was pushing me around in a stroller as a baby No attempt to hide their faces Or their school uniforms or their elaborate afro flattop and corn row hairstyles Still one of them was pointing a knife at my mom and way to close to her baby so she pretended to be reaching for her wallet instead she grabbed her lighter and set his afro on fire He ran screaming all the way to a corner store with his friends chasing after him while my mom followed to call 911 Didn't end up doing it because turns out the store was owned by his parents and after she told them what happened with his terrified friends confirming it his mom started slapping the crap out of him with his afro still smoldering and dripping wet from where he`d dunked himself into the kitchen sink Dad declared he was calling their parents and frantically apologized to my mom who upon seeing their reactions decided to let the parents handle it and he gave me a juice box while they talked The reason they wanted cash was their parents had stopped giving them an allowance after staying out past curfew and they decided that was the best course of action and chose my mom as a target figuring she wouldn't fight back being pregnant and with a baby My mom does admit it was a pretty stupid thing to do but figured it would work considering she could smell his hairspray from a foot away

[@shadowdragonlord2295]

5:50 Anymore stories of a gentleman criminal?

[@Byakushisakura]

Work security, had a couple guys cut a hole in our fence and get into one of the trucks before stealing a few boxes. The next week they came back on the same day at the same time, police station is just down the street.

[@nicelydunwell5681]

Guy stole a cheque from me while I was driving a taxi. By the time I got my $600 back he was already in jail... so I didn't press charges, but I nailed his HAF redhead gf who became a "regular customer".

[@760Miramar]

I got one, graveyard shift convince store. Before my shift, homeless man stole cigs form my coworkers shift. Coworker showed me on cameras what happened. We call cops to show them. Homeless and shirtless man walked around counter and just grabbeed cigs. Later same night, a guy (the homeless man, btw i didn't know it was him at the time, he looksed different from what i saw on the cameras) is in front of store and I let him in, he tries to buy stuff with a ticket form the zoo and says to call the owner for a refund and i say THIS ISN'T AN ACCEPTABLE FORM OF PAYMENT. So I bought him 2 items and then go about my shift. He dosen't leave. Another customer shows up and then homeless man tries to steal a lighter from around the counter. Other customer buys him a lighter so he can leave. He just walks around outside. I call cops. Homeless man ran away. And later again homeless man is back and won't go away. I call cops and then go outside to keep an eye on him. He didn't run and cops caught him. Dumb for this guy to keep hanging out at the same place the whole time. But i met lady cop again. She was very sweet and caring with me, hope i see her again. Male cop took homeless man away. The worst part is that the homeless man opened the dumpstars and took out all the tools and a tarp and just messed up the area. I took pics to show my manager. Now we got padlocks.

[@acidthedragon685]

Nice #699

[@corsaircarl9582]

I once heard a story of two dudes in balaclavas and guns rob a McDonald's. Of their ketchup packets.

[@mikedawolf95]

15:50 The dad must have been a gun nut to automatically know it was fake. Heck my cousin got a BB gun and it look almost real thanks to the finish.

[@staceynainlab888]

my parents used to own a store. at night, somebody broke in to steal cigarettes. at first he was hard to identify on the security cam as he had a hood. he got on the counter and packed his bag with cigarettes. then he looked right at the camera and took his hood down. small town so he was easily identified then.

[@jones_22]

6:23 And the Darwin Award goes to.....

[@richrosegold610]

@21:48 Missed the opportunity to say he "became a soup-erhero".

[@vaibanez17]

I had just left a gas station 20 min before it was robbed. Guy wore a mask but was in his work shirt with his name on it and place of business. He was easily caught. Newscaster laughed when doing the story.

[@lelanilana5964]

21:11 sounds like cap. One of those ‘all the people were clapping’ stories

[@varedna]

I feel he just made it up so he could call himself Souperman and then backed out of the punchline at the last moment.

[@justatire357]

With the story of the ladies who stole a bunch of visa gift cards, they could be somewhat smart if they were planning on acting as if they work and re-selling them to people. But if they really were stealing them thinking they would actually work then they're very stupid.

[@discountmorty213]

Stealing copper wire in a police station while he suppose to repair it lol He died of electrocution

[@esmooth919]

11:12 I like this story too.

[@keybored67]

11:07 plot twist...two guys wanted to open a store , could afford everything but the button part of the cash register

[@blackhole5353.]

Not mine but my brothers story. He’s training to be a boxers so he goes out on late night jobs. One night he’s jogging and a guy with a gun walks up to him says “give me your hoodie” all my brothers says was “ I don’t have a shirt under” so the gun guy was just like alright and left 😂😂

[@corn5180]

Corn

[@broken_spine2644]

Corn

[@miaksol]

Mia Kim

[@kitkatkid9010]

Kitkatkid

[@LunazWish_]

Luna Àme

[@OphiuchusTheBeheaded]

Anyone who records themselves committing a crime

[@cobbkobu]

21:28 IT AIN'T CARROTS IT AIN'T PEAS

[@Tonithemeloni04]

21:48 Souperman

[@boreaborea5214]

my cousin walk into a store at midnight with sunglasses on he stole a case of beer and ran out the cashier had already call the cops when she saw him wearing sunglasses he flew over a curve and rip the oil pan off my aunt van he got out to run and 15 cops play pile on top of wayne he got bail the next day and my aunt beat the hell out of him because she had just got her van fixed from the last time he drove her van and tore the oil pan off

[@DemonicGoddess]

Bowling story in the first 10 seconds kinda sounds like a legal issue for the owners.. They padlocked fire exits. I think its more funny though that the alarms for the fire exits also didnt go off?

[@andersondawn3631]

I swear if that’s James Sunderland

[@notek_music]

This happened like 2 hours ago and I saw a kid at the skatepark breaking city property infront of like 3 cameras

[@sierrajohnson717]

ONLY ONE EYE HOLE IN THE PAPER BAG

[@funtimeslondon]

'Real world dumbest criminals- - sounds like a great description of the present Uk govt. HELP US!!!

[@felicitybywater8012]

I'd offer to swap PM'S but ours is just as crap :(

[@goodbyeimakenewaccount8228]

Got here faster than haters can dislike the vid

[@Zartexal]

20:47 Ha! Can of whoopass!

[@cuteizombi6946]

My mom and I still laugh about this one from the show yes sir that's the woman I robbed 😂 I wish I could find a clip on KZbin because it's just too damn funny

[@kendoruslink7017]

How not to rob 101

[@CreeperG3]

First

[@luxalaney1089]

You weren't.

[@broken_spine2644]

Woo!

[@marsthegaymartinelli]

No lyou weren't

[@sifibuckle]

And?

[@scottishpaul414]

It should go without saying, but very few, if any, of those will be true

[@Beeeeeeef]

sounds about Aussie

[@joshuajwars4271]

A male Hulk.

[@romonecrosby]

In the thumbnail pic you are seeing movie police mugshots of actors Daniel Stern and Joe pesci from the movie home alone

[@Higgy8]

21:52 soup time b*tch

[@Tinf0iI]

the best is when the criminals die in the process like congrats buddy, darwin awards all around.

[@michaelbutler1619]

What bowling alley has a bar?

[@oldhillbillybuckkowalski]

Depends on your definition of a bar. I've seen several that had a long counter with stools that customers could sit at and drink. There was a person that worked behind the counter, serving wine coolers, beer (bottles or draft in mugs) and sodas by the 12 oz can that came with a glass full of ice. There was a cash register and a sink, as well as several long shelves that held glasses and beer mugs. One of them had free peanuts in bowls. Basically everything but hard liquor/mixed drinks and one of them may have had some whiskey available, but I'm not 100% sure as I was about 13 yrs old and it was about 37 yrs ago.

[@BootlyLee]

R/these happened🙄

[@JaelinBezel]

After watching World’s dumbest criminals, these all seem perfectly plausible to me.

[@greatwhiteape6945]

Mate..

[@sketchyskies8531]

Oof

[@CreeperG3]

Oough (from Minecraft)

[@phedbwa273zwdkyklpv3]

112th

[@fatia.oyebanji]

xkkm

[@fatia.oyebanji]

bhbc

[@guidingkeyblade7834]

6:28 And the Darwin Award goes to...