First Line Frenzy™ #8 | An Editor Reviews Your Opening Lines

[@ExploreEmbraceExpress]

I look forward to first line frenzy videos so much! These are so helpful. Thank you for sharing your insight.

[@maeva5257]

29:40 I interpreted the line as hinting at a woman cheating on her husband whom she married purely for his money, and at the fact that she made a routine out of this, hence the 'practiced choreography' and the 'cold ring'. If this is really what happens at this point in the story I don't see it as a 'stuffed burrito', but rather as an intentional choice of words to avoid some tedious explanation. I love the subtlety. And I love that the doors ping open. The drama is palpable. Also, give us a name. Even in a context of suspense it is essential that the reader puts themselves in the shoes of the characters, and one quick way to achieve this is to give them a name, because, like all words, they trigger involuntary associations. The element of surprise can be kept on an other level. I agree with Becca on the three adjectives in a row; I think this combination is a mouthful and doesn't quite flow. Although, the main misunderstanding here, I think, was not quite grasping the subtlety behind the words. Most editors would find Edward St Aubyn to be a messy, stuffed, purple burrito, too.

[@dakforest5344]

I have to take all of this with a grain of salt. Yes, the first line is important. It's the first hook to convince your reader to read the next line, but that's it. All it has to do is spark enough tension in the reader's mind to propel them onward. Waking up with tapping in the hall... Cliché and the tension created is minimal at best. Elizabeth Taylor and the raccoon bite is a brilliant first sentence. The reader's already off to see what happens next. I can see cutting the phrase 'on her hand' because I cut phrases like that all the time. After that, though, the editor just started making the line different, not demonstratively better. Regardless, if the first line has propelled the reader to read the next line, it's done it's job. Now the burden of propelling the reader onward is on the paragraph, and then the scene, and so forth. If you're not careful, you can spiral into a rabbit warren that never ends by fussing over your first line and neglecting the rest of the work.

[@chloej1611]

Also, the "first line" isn't limited to the first sentence. Your story needs a hook, yes, but it doesn't need to be compressed into a single sentence if that's not the best way to convey it. One of my stories (currently shelved) has what I think is a great opening line, but that line is the entire first paragraph, not the first sentence.

[@allen0KEN]

I was driving my dad to the hospital and I played this for him to get his mind off of it.....we were driving for a prostate cancer appointment after we discovered it. And I hear this guy say something about prostate cancer being beneficial.....this is not a joke. It is an extremely stressful this to go through.

[@transformationgeneration]

My gosh she is good. I would love to have her edit my manuscript. I don't have a good story, I have a great story. But she is a real writer. She is the real thing 100%.

[@kaleikaumaka89]

"Is this fiction or did you bamboozle me again?" -Every person who's read multiple works on tragic/catastrophic historical events

[@dougwolven8592]

It was very valuable. I'm taking away at least five things; or, I may start all my stories on the second line.

[@monique_carrie]

I loved this episode. You are also so funny, thank you for the advice. It's nice to see you dissecting sentances.

[@oracleofaltoona]

Great advice. Really helps me with style and content in general.

[@JaimeGlasser]

Of course i thought my first line was interesting an 1/2200 even though it is a memoir, ( but with a purpose with more universal appeal: how pets can teach us about dying and introducing animal hospice care , hopefully told in an entertaining and engaging way through stories of my pet patients. ) Seriously though, this was my first time here and i did learn a lot about first lines as well as general dos and don’ts of good writing. (refraining from both em dashes and exclamation points here.) Thank you so much Reedsy and Martin for hosting and Becca for reviewing.

[@firstlinefrenzy931]

Jaime, thanks for watching! My mom works as a hospice chaplain, so I have great respect for those who care for the dying -- no matter if the animal is human or otherwise. Really nice to have you here, and thanks for the work you do.

[@nonym3639]

Thanks so much for this💕

[@jamesgossweiler1349]

Although this was a fun exercise, it's important to understand that complete evaluation of a novel's first sentence isn't truly possible unless taken in context. All that is possible is line editing...diction, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and sentences that simply make no sense on their own. Moreover, as for content, most...if not all comments...are personal stylistic choices that reflect taste, education, background, and worldview.

[@Cornerwrite]

I’m exited to have the opportunity to participate. Thanks Becca and Martin.

[@o_o-lj1ym]

This is seriously so helpful

[@yikan1107]

it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of a good fortune must in want of a good wife.

[@janemack8852]

I liked the line about sleep being underrated currency of privilege. Sort of a Jane Austen style opening. Otherwise, I thought all the comments were spot on. It's easier to see strengths and issues when it's not your work.

[@dougwolven8592]

Of the six novels I have written, my favorite is Catalina Castaway, a fictionalized memoir. My first reader said it read like a memoir, and I spent a year rewriting it; but with 40% cut away, and with several strong added characters. YA.

[@janenorris8537]

Skilfully done and very entertaining!

[@bellerose2222]

Tough love for sure

[@jdhelms]

Id have titled the raccoon one Diamond Bandit. 😂 🤷‍♀️

[@Hoooward]

For the aspiring writers struggling with the first line: it is all about the heart of conflict in your story. If the book is about a murderer on the loose, the first line starts with them justifying their first murder. If the book is about the success of a famous person, the first line starts with them in rags and poverty. If the book is about a dying patient, the first line starts with how they wasted their life on smoke and alcohol.

[@marciejuarez1483]

Around 27:51 I'm not understanding where the profanity was in that line?🤷

[@brianjones6007]

This is very helpful. Thank you...

[@ChickenLippsApps]

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

[@Our22qJourney]

On the first one.. He’s been arguing with the school district… That is a fight. A long arduous one …And a conflict brewing for sure. Those who never have to fight for the school district to provide basic needs for their children are very lucky. Just sayin’!

[@daveshif2514]

21:40 only time ive disagreed, but its a well spoken rule to never offer an untrue choice. thats how you kill agency. never ever say the character has a choice if they in fact do not have a real choice. just say they had no choice.

[@Akudiee]

Thank you, mine got picked :) Please add a "middle grade" category :) Children is too generic and means many things

[@firstlinefrenzy931]

Very true! We'll get those options sorted for next time. Thanks, Akudiee!

[@AmberZak83]

Yeah. I agree with that. A picture book for a 6 year old is very different to a book aimed for 10/11 year olds.

[@transformationgeneration]

I VOW not to start any book I write w/my character waling up OR dreaming....

[@liveamazingly6606]

Orange County So California

[@daveshif2514]

so funny how people will do flips mentally like a gymnast when they get any critiques lol i guarantee you , if thats you, you wouldnt last one second in art school, youd be laughed out.

[@realce666]

It was the blurst of times.

[@brianjones6007]

To whom would I speak about having my entire book critiqued?

[@NKemObiakor]

💘

[@jflsdknf]

29:35 That weasel word "just" has to go, too

[@janemack8852]

Not one of Martin's better performances. Eye problems? Tired? Something else? Still love these.

[@judithrussell9162]

Hell is profanity? Not is most of the world.

[@jimmymelrose]

It is used in the context as a profanity, even if it's non-offensive to both you and I.

[@firstlinefrenzy931]

@@jimmymelrose My thoughts exactly, David! "Hell" doesn't phase me, either, but I try to think of the widest swathe of any given readership when I provide feedback.