First Line Frenzy #3: An Editor Reviews Your Opening Lines

Editor Rebecca Heyman returns to critique the first lines of books submitted by authors from all over the world.
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[@hhoi8225]

Not to be demanding, but the more of these critique vids and livestreams the better!

[@dan5783]

We'll never get enough of Rebecca! 👏🎉

[@RobearStories]

WHAM, BAM, N.Y.C. IN THE ROARING SIXTIES

[@KiKifulton]

I have to work with this editor!

[@meghadas1643]

Despite being a real princess, she had never took a true decision and now just one error by her can ruin thousands of lives... How is that opening line?

[@eileenicorn]

Despite being a princess, she had never made an important decision in her life. Now, just one mistake could ruin thousands of lives.

[@ButterCookie1984]

Wordy. "As a princess, she never had to make a decision- one mistake could ruin thousands of lives."

[@patrickrrmiller]

'Ever-widening fanny' has a somewhat different meaning in the UK.

[@xensonar9652]

My eyes almost popped out of my head when I heard that.

[@sabreenswan6177]

I watched this as a replay and was v confused as to WHY Martin, the BRITISH guy on here, didn't cut in to let Rebecca know. Very odd indeed ha

[@jpch8814]

What does it mean in the UK?

[@shandyt6939]

@@jpch8814 At the risk of sounding crude, it's the UK equivalent of US "pussy," as in female genitalia.

[@jpch8814]

@@shandyt6939 😵 that caught me by surprise.

[@whyjay9959]

"Grandpa worshipped a rock" already tells me that the speaker doesn't believe in this religion.

[@pepe2493]

Which is good

[@hollyp3065]

Fanny's affairs in a romance novel ahaha idk if they're being ironic & knowing the UK meaning for this word or not!? Funny if they are

[@totadol]

I love Rebecca so much I always learn a lot from her

[@RAK_Media]

@14:14 My brain imploded at "had just went". Unnecessary world salad. Just cut the sentence off after "day", that's all you need.

[@saafs2553]

Hi. Can you please make more of these?

[@Msrogerk]

Maybe say I finally decided to quit my job after something mysterious happened?

[@Owlzindabarn]

Your cat is a sweetie !

[@artisticmusictherapyminist3423]

A very good video

[@cyndimacmillan5044]

An awesome hour. Thank you!

[@meghadas1643]

Splendid rays of apple green sunlight basked through the window, giving a final sparkle to the hilt of the golden rod, made of pure gold, adorning the topmost tower of the castle, holding its flag in all its royal pride and charm. How is that opening line?

[@CharityRivers]

Too long

[@abhirami8353]

There's too much imagery I feel and far too much to take in on the description of a single item. And sunlight being apple green? were you going for an image of sunlight on green apples? I don't think this sentence is structured that well because for one, sunlight doesn't bask, a person can bask IN sunlight. Secondly, you spoke of the sunlight coming through the window to the golden rod and then suddenly the rod is on top of a tower. Which is it? the sentence is far too vague to make sense of. Also mentioning that a golden rod is made of gold is redundant. I'm not trying to offend you in any way, I write myself but im no where near qualified to be an editor, but as a reader I have some questions about the over all structure and fuzziness of the sentence.

[@meghadas1643]

@@abhirami8353 Actually I meant real green sunlight. It's a high fantasy novel set in another solar system. And I don't get offended at all by criticism. Thank you so much for taking out your valuable time for answering. All the best for your book.😁😁😁😁😁😀

[@abhirami8353]

@@meghadas1643 Oh ok! I still have a question though. If it is set in another solar system, would they still call it the sun? (the particular star as the head of the 'Solar system' or whatever they call it there, would it be the same name as the one we call ours?) not saying there's anything wrong if they do, just something to think on. Thank you so much for your support! i hope your book goes well too!

[@meghadas1643]

@@abhirami8353 Yeah, I named it Spaniel. Just didn't think then, when I wrote this comment.😁😁😁

[@phyttv732]

how do i submit a book opening line for scrutiny?

[@maaretrahkonen7706]

34:20 could be corrected like this: "...wished, as always, that the night is over." The tuxedos and jewelry might show a distance from the elite from a soldier's point of view.

[@erinbenfield5515]

I just gotta say it, it's ColOmbia...not Columbia.

[@FalcoAmadeus100]

Very interesting. Would love for you to do another one of these.

[@Msrogerk]

I think the action first, Dave spun...and then have him say, "Maize harvesting day!"

[@josephicha9150]

Thanks so much to the Reedsy team for featuring my line again on this video, it was really nice to see it up there at 28:12

[@n.spatrick3228]

Nice line 👌

[@vikkytube1]

When is the book out?

[@josephicha9150]

@@vikkytube1 it's already out, it's on Smashwords for $0.99, but the title is slightly different. Now it's called "Century XLII: Vipers and Krakens"

[@elixirprincegaming5504]

Just kidding

[@MuzMURRAY]

I've been trying to find this for the last ten minutes. The URL in your email doesn't lead here.

[@elixirprincegaming5504]

First

[@kellsbells12]

Hi! @43:02 You said YA taps out at 18 and then said that the genre might be adult or new adult, which confuses me because in other first line critiques, you've said new adult is not a real category. Can you please explain? I love these and have been binge watching them all week, but this tripped me up. Thanks so much in advance!

[@erinbenfield5515]

I wonder which Chicago Manual of Style she uses, because I see there are several different kinds/editions.

[@angiehemenway243]

Chicago Manual of Style comes out with an updated edition annually. The higher the number the most recent it is. Hope that is helpful for you.

[@abhirami8353]

There is only one Chicago Manual of Style, and they periodically release new editions. The current one is 17 or 18 I think.

[@isobelcarson2218]

Do you have a July First Line frenzy?

[@Msrogerk]

I agree with her 100%.

[@artisticmusictherapyminist3423]

I missed it again

[@ludwigvanel9192]

Me too! Very sadly

[@maaretrahkonen7706]

We need more of these!

[@PaulHirsh]

Great work.

[@Writing4Jesus247]

These videos are really cool, but I feel like you can't really say the first sentence is lame or great ALL the time. When I read a book, I read the first page, at least a whole paragraph, before I vote yes or no.

[@zomboa6924]

Does anyone know how they pick the lines?

[@sanaayasureka8256]

I love the cat!!

[@bills2660]

Maybe they meant grand mere was woozy

[@artisticmusictherapyminist3423]

I am here but running late.

[@clericgaming8379]

my submission didn't get included :(

[@Reedsy]

Unfortunately we receive too many to have time for, but please feel free to submit again next time!

[@aliomar2912]

They don't respond to my request. These people are a complete joke.

[@codylakin288]

I’m sure they get hundreds of submissions and can only make it to a few

[@dan5783]

Come on, don't be like that. Over 500 people sent in their lines, and they did ~30, so 470 are in the same position as you. Letting us learn from critiquing 30 lines is still very valuable and better than nothing. It's literally free education.