First QUEER Loves, Breakups, and Heartbreak

Being a queer person and exploring your sexuality for the first time can be equally exciting, terrifying and tumultuous. Upon reflection and personal experience we can't help but wonder if the intensity in our relationships (particularly our first queer relationship) is in part due to the time we may have spent suppressing our sexuality and forcing ourselves into heteronormative relationships. As intensely as our relationships begin the breakups can feel just as powerful and emotionally destructive.This week Emily and Karbon talk about their first queer relationships, how it differs from straight relationships, and how their first queer loves were the most intense breakups.
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Karbon:
Instagram: / iam_karbon
Emily:
Instagram: / emgiosk

[@Re_joyce]

My personal experience of why queer relationships feel so intense is that is was harder to get there, like harder to meet queer people & be in relationship together so when it did happen i felt so invested, even though my needs weren't always being met. Really appreciated your advice, gonna reflect on it!!

[@QueerCollective]

You’re totally right! Especially when we’re young or just new to the queer dating scene we give a lot of weight to our relationship and have to take a step back to truly analyze if it’s serving you. I’m glad we could provide some insight. Thank you for commenting! 💕

[@jeseniaespinoza8274]

I hate this

[@chloestanfield2741]

so more intellectual and better quality discussion then all the more popular queer women podcasts. they deserve a pop off

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you my love, appreciate this

[@aquamarine3699]

An amazing amazing podcast!Recovering from my first queer breakup and it’s so comforting seeing that the mistakes I made (losing yourself in your partner; obsessing over them; rushing into things due to the intense feelings of love) are common challenges. Thank you ❤

[@QueerCollective]

We know it all too well 💕

[@patezki]

Daaamn, this video spoke to me

[@QueerCollective]

Aww we’re looking back and just realized now that we never replied to this message ♥️ thank you so much for taking the time to write that sweet comment. We’re so glad that the episode could make you feel less alone in your feelings. I hope your heart has healed since you left this comment 💗

[@gabrielatb4]

I LOVED this episode. I feel so seen. I'm in the thick of it right now after my first queer breakup and the heartbreak is no joke. I appreciate this conversation. Very insightful.

[@QueerCollective]

We’re so glad to hear the episode had that impact, we hope your heart heals quickly💗 thank you so much for commenting.

[@dashofdestiny2945]

Such a validating video for exactly where I’m at and how I’ve been feeling.❤ Experiencing my first queer breakup right now after all the growing pains of cutting off family and closest friends as apart of discovering more of who I am and what I want in my mid twenties. Not having proximity to the person I spent every minute of the last two years next to is an excruciating physical pain that on bad days can take away my ability to eat, sleep, or even carry on. I have never felt the safe feeling of being with her in MY LIFE. It’s really hard to have these experiences of separation from “comfort people” when family stuff sucks and the comfort literally feels unfamiliar and new. There are good days where I focus on myself and what I love, and cook and workout and feel optimistic about life and love- but in the moments like now when it’s 4am and I’m thinking about how I gave every fiber of my being to a situation that (in hindsight) I always knew wouldn’t work: I feel like the loneliest and most unlovable girl in the world. The shame of rejecting myself so much that I’d give everything and ask for almost nothing can be hard to forgive myself for on bad days. Overall I do believe that if I pour into myself and finally love the one person I’ve been neglecting by people pleasing, I will find the love I’ve been looking for in me. I also believe that when that happens, it’s only natural that someone who can multiply the love I have to offer will come along. And I’m super hot. Thanks for sharing this❤❤❤❤

[@QueerCollective]

Thank u so much for sharing and being so vulnerable. We’ve been there and been through it. It really can feel like the world is ending or like life is meaningless but I promise you that by learning to love yourself and take care of you first, it really does get better. You start attracting a new energy and people that match that energy. This is a really rough patch of life to go through and it’s okay to not feel okay. But it’s most important to keep going and continue to challenge old habits. You are beautiful and worthy and HOT. And you will feel whole again 💕💕

[@DaoNguyen-vp7ki]

I resonate with the self love vibe. Also really enjoy how you open and close each podcast with "wwwwwwhat's up everyone... and (deep breath in) peace! lastly, the self responsibility @30:30 if found very inspiring. Not too many people have that awareness.

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you 😊

[@shadeyxo]

This felt so validating 😭

[@QueerCollective]

Glad you enjoyed 💕

[@heatherc2062]

My first gf just broke up with me. She told me she has mental and emotional issues. I accepted it. And let her go. But the pain of the heartbreak is like killing me, i have chest pain, my heart was exploding. I felt like dying. The saddest thing is that we were friends before lovers. I feel loss. I really love her. She said said she loves and cares for me but she she needs help. And it will be to mean if she will ask me to let me wait for her. So she let me go.

[@the.littlechillpill]

i’m in a similar boat, quite similar. we’ll get by this moment, we’ll be okay. i promise my fellow queer 🫶

[@diaryofalostgirl.8039]

How is it now

[@heatherc2062]

@@diaryofalostgirl.8039 i am feeling way better than the last 6 months. I am a better person in total. Thank you.

[@leo-zw6jr]

just recently stumbled upon you guy's podcast and honestly, it is extremely validating to hear all these words. Would it be okay if I got some advice from you guys on how to deal with a current break up I am going through? Any advice would absolutely help! I'm also open to telling you guys more about the situation as well. Really, thanks for the video and I'm truly grateful I crossed paths with this!

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you so much! Yes please feel free to reach out to us on Instagram if you’d like to have a more private discussion. Our DMs are always open 💕

[@sabrinat2433]

I loved this video so much, I’m going through a rough break up now, we didn’t have a lot in common too and that at the end wasn’t really feeling good anymore, we didn’t even know who we were, everything was going from bad to worse. And here goes a little of what was going on… I just broke up a few days ago with my first gf, in the last year we drifted apart and I had cry so much and wishing everyday to go back to the old days (we dated for 2 years). Time came and I talked about it with her of what can we do to get things better, at first it seemed that she wanted to make it work, we still love each other or that is what I thought. A couple of months passes by again, and I communicate again that my needs aren’t met, and a last time I again asked for what I wanted… That lasted a year, every time we talked it seems like she was going to breakup with me, but she just kept me there, I was losing myself, my anxiety got worse, lost weight, low self-esteem… Little did I know that there was a man between us. She never broke up but I had to

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Breakups are hard, but firsts are the worst. Through space, time and hopefully some good company to share moments of laughter with, you will find healing ❤️‍🩹. Wishing you all the best. You got this

[@jjcake93]

Thank you so much for sharing this!

[@QueerCollective]

thank you for watching!

[@navyblue9355]

idk about the whole "women's shared trauma with men" thing especially in relation to lesbians and queer relationships. Ive never felt attracted to a man or dated a man or been traumatized by (specifically) a man. Im largely indifferent to men and i think it does lesbianism a disservice to always use relationships to men to identify wlw experiences, cause I have felt that super intense feeling of a first relationship and it has nothing to do with men in any way. Its an interesting idea for those who have, but i don't think thats actually accurate lol

[@chrisradcliff1007]

As a Straight Ally, living in S.F. for the past 13 years. It’s been very very very interesting. You mentioned in the video to leave a comment about Encountering acting Straight, and unfortunately I see It WAY to much, like You said finding solutions to help regain your confidence. Knowing that your fearfully and wonderfully made by the creator of The universe and the creator of The universe and that your already validated by the one who has made everything This includes you. Knowing that homosexuality is the norm And heterosexuality Isn’t ;)

[@QueerCollective]

It’s all about being authentically you, regardless of how you identify. That’s hard sometimes. It’s easier these days to become a character, especially with the widespread of social media but pushing for authenticity and, truthfully, humanness is the goal and I believe the key to happiness

[@Victori.A1]

"Homosexuality is the norm"!?? What???

[@diaryofalostgirl.8039]

I got cheated on. It was a two year relationship, I know I have to walk away soon but I’m going to die.

[@diaryofalostgirl.8039]

I let go. I feel like dying.

[@QueerCollective]

We have absolutely felt that. I'm sorry you got cheated on and I knowwww this is very tough to go through. We have both left relationships that were our everything and we felt like we were dying after they ended. Speaking from experience, even though it doesn't seem like it right now, that feeling DOES pass and it does get better. You get stronger and more confident and learn your worth, capacity and boundaries. Allow yourself to grieve and feel your emotions knowing this too shall pass 💕

[@Gurabiteshion]

Me laste week: A fool with no idea it was QC day Me this week: Waiting with KZbin open since 8:59am

[@QueerCollective]

Love the devotion 😍😊💥

[@oceaneyes9]

Thanks!

[@QueerCollective]

Thanks for watching!