Fitting In & Belonging As An Autistic Person

Another super fun one guysss
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[@heatherwilliams3748]

I'm 35 and still don't fit in anywhere because I just don't know how. I'm pretty isolated now to an extreme degree, as in social interaction with either two friends I have or family, is very uncomfortable for me. Which is quite bad in terms of the health of friendships/relationships. Anyways, all that to say, I'm glad to not be alone in that experience of never fitting in.

[@ckblackwoodmusic]

You are most assuredly NOT alone in that (pun intended) ❤

[@courtney9212]

You certainly aren't alone, there are lots of us 🩷

[@Maizazael]

Your videos always make me feel seen. I never have ever felt like belonged. I have always felt like a stranger in a stranger land, like an alien, and its something I still cope with to the point where I haven't pursued friendship in over 3 years since my last falling out with "friends" who gave me the same lip service. Idk man, the life I want will never be possible for me since I am the way I am and I am still mourning the concept even now. Thanks for making your videos, it makes me feel less nuts about myself and how I am.

[@BobDouce]

Hi Dana, I'm a late in life diagnosis as was my late mother. My mother was a church goer and she found acceptance and great comfort there. I asked her what was it in particular that drew her there. She replied that to walk in to a room that didn't contain a smile was like stepping into a black hole but to walk into church was warmth and sunshine. I'm not religious myself but I understood that to walk into the light is no bad thing, she gave me courage to seek answers and understand myself a little better. 🧔 👍

[@TheCassierra908]

I can relate so much. I have most of my life had a hard time figuring out how to get in grpups already talking and felt the outsider most of the time at any party. I too have had some moments when something clicked and i felt a part. But those moments are so rare. Knowing recently that Im autistic helps but still its a struggle.

[@tudormiller887]

Hello Dana. I love your channel & content as a fellow neurodivergent i learn so much about myself from watching your videos. 👍

[@stephenieolson8535]

It’s so hard to band together as awkward people. I have totally had that experience in queer spaces. Everyone just trying not to look awkward, but also they’re too flighty to strike up a conversation with. And also, what do you say? You gay? Me gay, too. 👍 uuuuhhhh

[@d.d.d.a.a.a.n.n.n]

I never felt I fit in with girls or women until I finally realized I'm not a woman. Not a man either. I'm just me.

[@steveneardley7541]

You always say you are just talking about your personal experience, but for me, it isn't just that "it resonates." I think you are talking about social reality in a very penetrating way.

[@thethegreenmachine]

I know the feeling. That's about all I can say. Sometimes it's too hard to find the words for what I'm thinking.

[@steveneardley7541]

I have a lifetime of not fitting in. My social skills aren't all that bad, but the payoff doesn't seem to justify the effort. I'm not very willing to compromise just to fit in, because it almost never works. Making a single friend may take a lot of work, but it has often paid off. Trying to fit into a group--well, that's just never worked. It often feels like crabs in a barrel, trying to get out. Why would I even put myself in that position? I'd rather be alone within the group. I know how to do that without too much discomfort.

[@ckblackwoodmusic]

I don't think I even have the capacity to fit in so thank you, as always, for speaking on this ❤

[@gmlpc7132]

I've had very similar experiences, pretty much feeling like an outsider everywhere, sometimes it's worse than others. When someone is new to a situation I do feel those already there need to make at least some effort to reach out to them or at least acknowledge them. I've been in situations where it almost feels like I'm invisible as the "regulars" act as if I'm not there, not even making eye contact or some other form of recognition. It's really bad manners and unsupportive and it can make being a newcomer really uncomfortable and unappreciated, probably one of the reasons why many new people drop out.

[@olivierf2938]

A place that I ended up feeling comfortable in is a municipal art workshop. Not that I made any "friends" for a couple years but at least I felt that I fit in, plus you have your stuff to concentrate on if you don't feel like socializing. Idk if you have such things around, where I am it is very affordable so I thought I'd mention it. So sad about the cat too, I loved seeing her around, she reminded me of a previous black cat of mine. I don't know the story but I hope it ends well for everyone.

[@Catlily5]

Here (Albuquerque) we have 2 free places where you can go and do art!

[@jennieforsberg4415]

Oh god, I love your thoughts in this video. ❤

[@shelplussourdough]

I had to rewind when your voice slipped into American mean girl! Haha! That was great and very recognizable to me as an American Audhd person ;D But yeah, I really hear this. I'm sorry it's so crappy for you, too. I want us all to be paired with someone who gets our brains and helps us feel regulated, so likely, another one of us

[@flyygurl18]

Spirituality is a worthy pursuit; even with the barriers at first...it is worthwhile once you find your truest path😇

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

3:00 in or so. I think you’re right. NT people mask too. But at my age it’s now too difficult. I no longer bother to pretend. No point.

[@LiliDrawsT]

My dad, my sister and I are all possibly Audhers. Unfortunately, none of us ever fit in, we were all ostracized, bullied, abused and mistreated in ever aspect of life. My sister and I also don't have a support system and are left to fend for ourselves since we were children. Our dad is a hippie druggie whackjob who only cares about partying, is reckless and does whatever he wants and can't work. He used to be a teacher and did really well for several years (20 years almost). But gave up entirely, once he and his crazy wife moved to a ruin and tried to rebuild a life. He's also extremely vulnerable to abuse and manipulation and even at 66 doesn't realize people are cruel and have ill intent towards him, even when my sister and I try to tell him. My sister and I have to compensate heavily for the lack of normalcy and stability we had and be super responsible and rational and level-headed. And that's exausting. Both my parents are in their 60s, both are undiagnosed Audhers, both can't hold down jobs, both are extremely reckless and immature, both have and are abused on a regular basis and no support systems. I really feel my sister and I were dealt the worst possible hand in life. We're also poor. I don't have much hope for my future, but can't stop living because I can't leave my sister to fend for herself in this cruel nasty world.

[@Jankrip]

That all sounds pretty rough to go through. You and your sister have not had it easy. You're a really good sister and a really good person for being there and having her back through all of that.

[@thijsjong]

When I was making visual arts I visited exhibitions and sometimes exhibited my paintings. I just started talking about the art that was exposed. Talked with the artists. Sometimes got invited to parties or went to someones house. I stopped making art. The scene kind of drifted apart. They got all over the place. Berlin L.A. Rotterdam, Zurich etc. These were not friends. More like aquaintences. So I drift in and out of groups kind of. Groups I join alsotent to fall apart lol. I just did not know what to paint any more. The cheap ateliers disappeared. Storing painting is a painin the ass. Just as transporting them. I was never super serious about it. It was a hobby. These other people wanted to become professional artists. I was never like that. It was somethingI could hyperfocus on. And I just did not know what to paint any more. No more inspiration. Never knew where it came from and why it stopped. That was fatal for my hobby. How to find people. People who share an interest. No guarantee it will work though. Volunteer work maybe. If the coworkers dont overstimulate you.

[@KarenDUlrich]

I am 61 years old. I worked in the Christian world and attended church for a couple of decades. In 2019, after forming what I thought were friendships in a Christian community, I discovered I was used. I was paid way less than anyone else, did more work than anyone, did others people's work, and did not realize until I looked back. My "best friend" is "Christian" and it turns out she was my biggest betrayer. She stayed by my side as my "friend" for 20 years to use me for narcissistic attention. She claimed to be sticking by a difficult friend and offering support when what she was doing was keeping my head spinning in PTSD with numerous distractions. She was instrumental in it taking 17 years to learn my church was never going to protect me from domestic violence and in fact enabled it. All the Christians knew my now ex abusive husband was cheating on me and they kept my head swimming so I would not catch on. When I did catch on they were quick to swoop in to distract me, tell me I was crazy, or tell me I was imagining things. These Christian people made sure I was left with absolutely nothing in divorce. They erased my entire life.

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

10:25 in. That’s me. I do great if I’m invited in. But otherwise I have a hard time finding my groove.

[@maikeruasmr8591]

While stories about autistic people struggling to fit in with neurotypical society are talked about the most (and honestly they need to be) However stories about autistic people not fitting in with other autistic people or groups is dangerously not talked about enough. There is no other feeling more devastating than being misunderstood or excluded by a group that would have understood about you more than others. This is becoming more noticeable through how Neurotypical women treat Neurodivergent women Or how neurotypical BIPOCs treat neurodivergent BIPOCs. But the same can be said how neurodivergent white people can treat neurodivergent BIPOCs. Not to mention the current gender divide between male neurodivergents and female neurodivergents. Even the neurotypical queer community needs to learn this. I myself have been recently betrayed by a group of neurodivergent queer people who sold me out to my abusers. Situations like this only seek to divide us more and keep us infighting to seem "respectable" or "appropriate". We have to be better than how we have been treated. We need to be prepared to understand each other better, to learn about Neurodivergent experiences differ than what you know. To be more forgiving. To advocate for rehabilitation and inclusion, not ostracization and exclusion. Because if we are not willing to do that for each other then how can we expect neurotypicals to do the same for us? Because answer isn't to constantly appeal and compromise to the ableism of neurotypical society, if that worked then it would have worked for every minority group and Unfortunately we all know that's not true. We can do better.

[@mrmarten9385]

Yes that is quite relatable. For me I wish I could fit out, not stand out, if that makes sense. Life could've been relatively brilliant. The more I got fit in the more isolated and lonely I felt, it feels. It absolutely sucks.

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

Fit out? That’s brilliant. I’ve never thought of it that way. My mind is kind of turning around right now. I guess at work I “fit out” I’m the known weirdo. (Who also cracks crazy jokes, etc)

[@simona3283]

Thank you Dana❤

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

I don’t know anything about KZbin. But I think you’re about to reach a critical mass. Hopefully you’ll be making some money soon…

[@mdrahmanlutfar]

Hi, Dana your video is awesome

[@Catlily5]

I know that I am not going to fit in with most people. I also have a few places I felt like I fit in. So it is easier to just let the rest go.

[@transponderings]

Thanks for saying more things you found in my head so I don’t have to. 😉 (I did find church a very useful community to be part of - safe, with clear rules - but in the end I set that aside to avoid the cognitive dissonance. It did take me 25 years though! And socialising-wise, I always stood off to one side, right to the end.) Very sad moment at the end. 😿

[@nitt3rz]

There's very little 'adulting' that I can do. Whether it's how I perceive things, or if it actually true, I've always felt like a hexagonal peg in a round hole; (I even overthink my similes) never quite managing to properly fit in to anywhere.

[@daviniarobbins9298]

No adverts?

[@thexpax]

"Hi! I'm Dana. I'm not a professional and this is all just about autistic me, my friends." ???

[@heedmydemands]

❤

[@LynIsALilADHD]

Ive contemplated joining a church for the community aspect like... more than once. Lol. They do try so hard to make me feel like i belong....🤦‍♀️🤔

[@FirstmaninRome]

I'd goto church too, if I had a black cat that spooky, lol I always think when I'm in a church, I'll be so weird, they'll find me out, not as an atheist communist, but as just not quite right, like organist in Carnival of the souls.