Five Across the Eyes - Phelous

This is NOT a film! It's a device used to induce headaches!
phelous.com
/ phelous
Originally Released: January 5, 2011

[@theautomator8372]

This film got a 48% of rotten tomatoes and a 2.7 on imdb. That seems pretty high in my opinion.

[@ShadyRK9]

Update: it's now a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes!

[@ilikethecokev2]

@@ShadyRK9 STILL too high

[@Shades14]

@@ShadyRK9 Still too high!

[@MachineD3vil]

It should’ve been a 0%

[@puppymaroon964]

@@MachineD3vil That’s what I’m saying!

[@tlaloc4kids]

The ending skit has me imagining someone walking down the street and seeing Phelous sitting in his car flailing his camera and arms around.

[@IbadGrammarX]

well that what happen when do review get mental breakdown

[@MachineD3vil]

I can just imagine his neighbors hearing noises out in the open but it was just Phelous

[@Heishinigami]

"Honey what's that, should we call the police?! "Nah it's just Phelan doing something weird again" "Ah ok then"

[@WinterSteele]

I don't even understand the basis for the conflict that spurs things on at the beginning. They tried taking a shortcut, but got lost. Okay, fine. Here's a simple solution: Have the girl with the curfew call home and honestly admit what happened, then turn back and go the normal way. If she let her folks know what was going on, I doubt they'd be that upset about her returning a little bit late. Barring that, if she's too afraid to come clean, have her call home and say she had car trouble, hit a deer, had to pull over because she or one of her friends got carsick, etc. She could provide any number of plausible excuses for getting back late, and then simply turn around and go the normal way.

[@meavor]

What! And have a teenage character be on good terms with their parents. Nonsense. Poppycock. Everyone knows that the most defining thing that describes teenagers is: a need to party, being obnoxious, and an irrational hatred for their parents and authority. And everyone knows that movie parents are just as irrational and unreasonable.

[@anikmonette2140]

meavor Well, some parents are indeed assholes but that's not the feeling I have here: they're the assholes. Also, I know these movies don't represent any reality whatsoever but if one day I really get stuck with idiots like these I'm going my own way, by foot! Fuck teamwork let whatever take care of them while I walk back home in peace! Fuck...

[@FrenchPaul1988]

It's supposed to be a horror movie, so any rational behavior is prohibited. Hence why the idea of asking for directions or turning around back to where they started (as one actually suggests) is NOT put in use.

[@SammEater]

"But then the movie wouldn't happen" -the writer

[@TemmiePlays]

This movie has less of a plot than Dingo pictures... and that's really an accomplishment.

[@FrenchPaul1988]

It also visually is worse than a Dingo film. And there's some inappropriately placed music, so I guess it COULD be a live-action Dingo movie in disguise. "These girls are soooooo stupid. Hehehe."

[@Ridgwaycer]

Yeah, at least with Dingo you can see everything. At least with Dingo, never thought I'd say that.

[@gracekim25]

You’ve convinced me to try

[@nomduclavier]

Y'know how people in 80s slasher movies (or at least the survivor) used, like... basic survivalism? Common sense? What happened to that.

[@Gambit771]

The 80s was accused of rampant misogyny in horror films so they started making films where the final girl wins no matter how stupid and useless they are and they told the public it was empowering.

[@ogusaiyan8172]

well Five Across the Eyes is the kind of bad movie where the group of victims are totally stupid just to make the dumb killer look kind of competent

[@Hawbitten]

You know. All these years later this STILL might be the worst horror movie you've ever reviewed.

[@Esirre]

agreed. Aside from the horrible quality of the way this thing is shot, just what is up with all the lose plot threads? I was thinking they were going somewhere with the 'ashes' in the urn being fake? I just can't possibly imagine what was going through the director/writer's heads with this.

[@TheBonkleFox]

the only thing I can think of that's worse is the Bevanfield animations, and those things are in a league of their own.

[@leonardogomez8812]

Nah, Pulse 3 is far worse than this film, sure the production values is worse than that film, but at least the characters weren’t green screened onto what feels like a bad parody of both horror and post-apocalyptic films with so little reason to exist that it might cause a time paradox.

[@michaelwautraets7126]

it still is to this day.

[@ocharakau645]

March 2022 and can confirm this is still true.

[@Imagigirl]

God, it's like a bad high school film project where the actresses got their acting cues from a KZbin supercut of people freaking out in horror movies

[@DrGregoryHouseIT]

This movie FEELS like Five Across The Eyes.

[@YOUCANTKILLTHEPOPE]

I sure do miss all the music cues that had to be replaced. The woman roasting as the Star Wars music played was classic.

[@YuzuruA]

What I found very sad is so many good writers, directors and actors never find work and give up, but a "movie" like this can find distribution

[@ColeVecsion]

So you're being chased by a crazy person and your first response is to shit and fling it at them....To quote Lupa "as yah do"

[@Crrrow]

+ColeVecsion Yep. Its really gross and distracting!

[@Predator20357]

Apparently they were born as monkeys first and then got altered to be humans

[@philipdarrenellwell1994]

"...and if she kills you, you're completely useless!"

[@DrGregoryHouseIT]

Yeah, because they're so useful alive... they got wet, after all.

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

Because you will be all wet! From blood! Completely useless. Heeeeeeuuuuu!

[@FuzzballStudios]

People die if they are killed.

[@kingofthegundam7974]

15:55 People die when they are killed!

[@bobcat6113]

no shit king

[@bobcat6113]

no shit king

[@bobcat6113]

no shit king

[@bobcat6113]

no shit king

[@theguyonthetv2760]

I think that was cleared up already bud

[@hypershock0storm479]

15:56 Oh don't you understand? People die when they are killed. - Shiro Emiya 2005

[@jborrego2406]

hypershock0 storm u learn something new ever day Thank you for that ... from Black thief in crocodile lol

[@Shades14]

You deserve a medal for all of the crap you sit through for our entertainment.

[@MrZerothejedi]

Good news from the future! Phelous' medal is in production

[@Gfrog1000]

I like how even with Phelous describing what's going on I still can't comprehend anything in this movie.

[@aii5748]

"... Got nowhere to run. As life goes on, it's like I'm fading away" 😆 I love it when Phelous sings "How could this happen to me." ✨ Never fails to make me laugh, plus that song was my jam. I always sing along 😁💞

[@rogermorris9696]

According to IMDB this movie took four months to film at a cost of an estimated $4000. How the hell did this take so long to film?

[@SpeedyEric1]

Roger Morris So, this movie is $1,000 cheaper than Phelous's show, but $500 more expensive than The Time Machine (I Found at a Yard Sale). Weird.

[@Crystal_Dylan]

SpeedyEric1 wow at least TTM(IFaaYS) had somewhat of a plot and you could actually see what was going on also dat CGI dinosaur

[@honestdave]

Dude for $4000 I can make a better movie than less

[@convoy81]

The Bladed Brony !!! It's not even a videocamera i beat it's a cellphone! C'mon!!!

[@JustinJTime]

Roger Morris Better yet, how did this cost $4000?!

[@CanItAlready]

The really scary thing about this is it reminds me a bit of one time that my friends and I were out together, I was driving. Some guys in another car started following us and one of my friends started freaking out. I think this was the first time since I knew her that I had to tell her to shut up, so I could concentrate on driving. The whole thing came to an abrupt halt when a car in the oncoming lane crossed the yellow line. I swerved, he hit us about the middle of the driver's side, then hit the car that had been following us as well as a few parked cars. Fortunately, nobody (other than the cars) was seriously injured. If we'd been recording video that night it probably would have looked a bit like this.

[@TwistedMetalLegion]

"Dadadadaaa!" It's been years, but gets me every time

[@munchjrgames942]

One thing i really love about Pheolus is that when he acts really irritating... he really isn't all that irritating. He's just a really chill dude.

[@ShowWithNoName]

I'm trying to think of a way to remake this so that it isn't so bad. Firstly, it would have to be found footage, maybe a GoPro or a Dashcam, possibly from a police car that the girls call. Other than that, and getting better actors, we would need to add a plot.

[@BronzeBoy520]

A movie that says screaming should be a character. How enjoyable.

[@Mr4thDoctor]

You know that this movie is going to be painful when Phelous is giving the mother of all death glares after the title card.

[@ShadyRK9]

Yup! From 1:35 - 1:46 was intense!

[@TheKromusDevice]

I think this is what The Snob calls, "Shot on Shitteo".

[@theshenpartei]

TheKromusDevice yes this is the next gen shot on shiteo

[@fordshojoe8080]

Literally

[@SarahsKnight0]

Hey, that "skit" Phelous half-assed at the end was certainly no worse than the movie that deserved it.

[@JustinCicconi-pj6yw]

Phelous is more likable than any of the characters in the movie.

[@HaileyBabi]

Taking into consideration that to review this movie Phelan had to sit through it At Least Twice! . And all for us. Sending you a virtual hug Phelan. No one should have to suffer the way you did💙

[@gracekim25]

Oh GOD you’re right !😨

[@bigronnie9629]

This is without a doubt my favorite Phelous review.

[@comradedennis8202]

Mine too

[@DavidtheSlothClassic]

I personally prefer Psycho Santa, but this one still ranks high.

[@tbonevideos23]

People die if they are killed Oh wait... Wrong show...

[@LinxFraulein]

Well, always remember what Brooke Shields said: "If you've been killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." ;)

[@GabyGeorge1996]

What's that from, anyway?

[@cassiusemmanualtheyoutubep3171]

Could be from alotta things. But I think Shirou says it. A character from Fate/Stay Night.

[@theonlychickensama8353]

Sometimes...death is better

[@TheBonkleFox]

at least Fate/Stay night has cute chicks who are actually bearable.

[@hypnojon32]

Wow...I just cannot believe you sat through that...I'm just so sorry

[@DarthRushy]

Sat through that? He had to EDIT that for at least a day!!

[@TheBonkleFox]

"I'm sorry....I'm so sorry...."

[@Cybermat47]

Good God, that ending music... who thought that was a good idea?!

[@ilikethecokev2]

+Cybermat47 Who thought ANYTHING in this movie was a good idea?!

[@andreapuschl6340]

+Cybermat47 Actually I think the music is the best part.

[@ScowlieMeerkat]

I'm with you. Admittedly it's a poor fit, but damn that's a catchy little tune.

[@GrandCorsair]

What the hell is this movie? Did they make a bet to see if they could film a movie with of the budget of a happy meal?

[@elinfini]

+GrandCorsair Hell, even a happy meal would've been the superior choice ( _by far_ ).

[@taffysaur]

A competent collection of artists with a vision can do _great_ things with a proverbial Happy Meal budget. Some of my favourite movies of all time, dude. Don't give them the budget as an excuse. Because it isn't one.

[@Webshooters1]

+GrandCorsair Hell even a Happy Meal budget is more than enough if you're creative with your idea. This was more of a 99 cent budget but even then if you have shitty ideas then even a million-dollar budget won't save your piece of shit movie.

[@U014B]

No no, that was "Manos: the Hands of Fate" (essentially).

[@Crrrow]

Maybe this and Manos are in a bizzare universe where all shitty horror films exist that don't have a good plot or any monster/enemy for the protagonists to encounter

[@ruggiebuggie3195]

This movie isn't even 'So Bad It's Good'. It's just 'So Bad It's Not Even Funny'.

[@fritzy8318]

Then just So Bad It’s Horrible. Which funnily enough tvtropes has its listed as and cites this review in its entry.

[@EmpressOfCatsup]

Didn't she hit the car while she was pretending to drive away and leave her friend? What was she doing? 5 miles per hour? There was probably not even any damage.

[@felipechalreo]

This review is best viewed with the subtitles on

[@gracekim25]

Thank you

[@TheDepressed100]

Thanks!

[@raggletaggle8827]

I would LOVE to know whether some random passers by witnessed Phelous recording that thrilling movie in his car.

[@lagerku.3137]

I've started listening to this video regularly to get to sleep. Don't ask how this could possibly work to soothe me, but it does.

[@cti190]

I've seen this movie 100 times on the shelf at work and I never would have thought it would be this quality.

[@anikmonette2140]

CT I You work in a movie rental place? I thought those became extinct...

[@GuruSUPERmaster]

One of my favorite reviews!! The worst the movie is the better the review is!

[@anikmonette2140]

GuruSUPERmaster Beause comedy loves misery. And these kind of movies are so miserable that a funny guy like Phelous can make them enjoyable...

[@shadoudirges]

The setup just kills me. "What the fuck did I just watch?" LOL!

[@WizelBalan]

I prefer Phelous's version of the film.

[@vincenttheune2052]

Rule number one for entertainment. If people will hear your voice, make sure it is a voice you CAN listen to for more the 10 seconds. But seriusly, a nice voice is stupidly importand.

[@phelous]

You are so true. I'll just mime out my reviews from now on because you CAN'T listen to my horrible voice that I dared to be given. My new voiceless reviews will be stupidly importand.

[@vincenttheune2052]

Phelan Porteous your voice if fine. no problem listening to that for a long time. but OMG THAT FUCKING MOVIE.

[@gracekim25]

@@vincenttheune2052 might want to edit your first comment then😅 also try to make it clear that you mean the people in the movie please 😶

[@dragonempress8367]

I can't believe I'm saying this but this was the first movie in which I wanted the antagonist to kill them all.

[@PlanetZoidstar]

Normally I would say *"OH WELL AT LEAST THEY TRIED!"* but in all honesty they didn't try!

[@jaymc2112]

1:35 The meanest look Phelous ever made.

[@SpeedyEric1]

jaymc2112 Yeah, it reminds me of a really pissed off version of Al Borland from Home Improvement.

[@gracekim25]

Yep

[@cloudstrife532220]

Why is it even called Five Across the Eyes?

[@JustinJTime]

Zachary Watson Haha, thank you for asking this, I was going to leave a comment about this myself....maybe its because....five girls??? And one of them gives smacked and therefore gets....five across the eyes??" Yeah, fuck if I know what the real reason is....

[@Demonjazz420]

Zachary Watson Five fingers obviously. It's saying that this a smack to the face.

[@alucardyoici]

Zachary Watson facepalm: the movie

[@ElNingyou]

Zachary Watson The area they're driving through is known as "The Eyes" and there's five girls. Did the cleverness just a'spole your head like it a'spolded my ass?

[@grievousorvenom]

Possibly because you will be covering your eyes with your hand the moment you realise that you're watching it? Either in a face palm or just shielding yourself from its...incredible-ness... :(

[@dwarfbunni]

I've never wanted the victims in a horror movie to die so badly.

[@ryanschneider115]

Art blender, They aren’t the victims my friend. We are the victims.

[@marytijerina9764]

Same

[@johnf9710]

The last three minutes is really all we need. Laughed envisioning a confused onlooker seeing you shoot in your car.

[@gracekim25]

Gosh this is PAINFUL 😨 you need like a medal or something for being able to watch it all😶 It’s the kind of movie where you WANT the main characters to die at the end😅

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

Was this just some student's project they did on a weekend without a script, or reshoots? Certainly looks like it...

[@GizmoFan1]

According to iMDB, it took four months to film and cost $4000. The actors are college students, however, and the directors (yes, there were two of them) were too I'm guessing.

[@Asemafilmi]

Seriously, were did all that money go? Assuming they already had a car, there's no way movie that looks like this could have cost that much. I make feature length movies for $100-700. I'm not saying my films are cinematic masterpieces in technical sence, but I think you can at least say there's a way to make your voice audible and shoot the film the way you can actually see what you're supposed to in a smaller budget.

[@matthewwiles8518]

You know what would be a better ending to the movie. The car would suddenly blow up.

[@aaronthomas2789]

Either that or just out of nowhere, a Cessna just crashes into the car, killing all of them.

[@ilikethecokev2]

Or the Monty Python foot crushes them

[@MrShigura]

So much for the "the girls were filming it" angle... when ALL the girls are lined up along the road... the camera angle is from INSIDE THE CAR.

[@JustinJTime]

So was that your actual first reaction to this movie Phelan at the beginning?

[@phelous]

Neo james82 Pretty much, I filmed that right after watching it the 1st time.

[@JustinJTime]

Welp, probably would be my reaction as well. Anyway, this is probably one of my faves so thanks for posting it!! I'm enjoying seeing your reviews again on KZbin. :)

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

Neo james82 Oddly, that was my first reaction when I saw "The New Daughter" with Kevin Costner just now. Not nearly as bad as this but certainly filled with a lot of what the hell? Especially the ending. :)

[@SpeedyEric1]

Phelan Porteous If I filmed my reaction of the movie Skyline just after seeing in theatres, I'd probably share the same reaction. Seriously, Skyline is by far the biggest waste of time I ever had at the movies, and I've seen Batman & Robin, Kazaam, Inspecter Gadget, and Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes in theatres.

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

SpeedyEric1 My thing about "The New Daughter" was it was just so.... I don't even know. The explanation of what's going on is just really weird and I'm not even sure I got all of it and everything about it is just so predictable.

[@hernanipereira]

there is more yelling then actual acting in this "movie" o_O

[@ggwrw3400]

The ending is one of the best recreations you’ve done. For as much pain as this film creates, the amount of passion put behind your version really carries over.

[@AnnaDee101]

Wow, how can this be called a movie?

[@johnalogue9832]

The real horror in this movie is that these girls were allowed to live instead of being executed for being horrible, stupid people years ago. A few minutes into the review I was demanding for these characters to DIE...then I remembered. This is supposed to be a horror movie or something. So they'll die, right? Because none of these teenage girl stereotypes have phones to call the cops? THEY DON'T DIE?! THOSE BASTARDS DON'T EVEN DIE?! AND IT ENDS ON MUSIC RIGHT STRAIGHT OUT OF NYAN CAT?!

[@gratuitouslurking8610]

No! No! That's not the way this goes! Just this once, *EVERYBODY DIES!*

[@NATE-op9tq]

Yeah- because that music REALLY FIT the situation.

[@NodDisciple1]

"Hey...don't mess with mom's fan!"

[@FrenchPaul1988]

Sadly, it's a modern horror movie - where the worse you are, the higher your chances of survival are.

[@U014B]

I can never not laugh at Uwe Boll's DADADADAAA

[@disgruntledfish8276]

.... Was this filmed on a cell phone?

[@dragonempress8367]

Disgruntled Fish no. a potato

[@sweetcinnamonpnchkin]

Please Ebbi, a movie filmed by a potato is much better than this.

[@Ultrabalor]

Three MiniDV camcorders actually.

[@jekblom123]

a cell phone stuck up someone' ass.

[@shaunrenee5336]

anyone who can watch this movie in its entirety are brave and beastly individuals. because god their incessant nonsensical screaming sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

[@mr.classified6167]

i'll give it one thing, it's the only movie i've seen with an all female cast, and no extras.

[@KitsuneAdorable]

Reading the comments on IMDb is very interesting. Most of all the reviews say to stay clear away from this "movie." While there are maybe five or eight reviews say that this is the best horror movie that they've ever seen. I'm pretty sure when a film maker sees that his movie is being blasted by everyone they probably pay people to say good things about a their shitty movie. If you have the budget of a shoe lace and five bucks that's fine. Just invest in a good film camera. I've seen some go for 5,000 or more dollars. Instead you get a movie shot on a iPhone camera. Jeez.

[@UndeadHavoc1]

I have a sudden idea for a film! Go on a random roadtrip which a bunch of easily spooked individuals, drive across Silicon Valley at night, record the whole boring, painful venture, and for background music and dialogue, just record a henhouse during feeding time! Oh wait... this movie beat me to it...

[@greybeard6504]

I commend you for being able to sit through this. I don't mind watching bad movies, but this is on a whole other level. No way would I have finished this "movie". Much appreciated taking one for the team!

[@Webshooters1]

I've been waiting for this since you started uploading videos to youtube! One of your best!

[@iKadaj]

if it's any comfort, past-phelous, stabbing a girl in the nethers with a screwdriver and then not treating it and just running around like nothing happened is definitely fatal, so you can rest assured at least one of them died from internal bleeding/infection.

[@Killer_Kotomibro]

Every once in a while a movie reference comes along that embeds itself in your lexicon. "And this looks like concrete" is one of those references.

[@dancepiglover]

I really think the camera was shaky because they literally couldn't hold it still in a moving car.

[@gracekim25]

Well yes but don’t better movies manage to make car scenes not shaky😅

[@AstraVex]

This needed TWO directors?! xD

[@jekblom123]

This would have been better directed by a stack of pancakes.

[@dancepiglover]

Probably just two people holding cameras and called themselves directors.

[@Chimerism101]

@@jekblom123 Or a Pop-tart.

[@oroontheheels]

One screamed the whole time and the other cried hysterically.

[@gracekim25]

Wait what?

[@thema1998]

I just found out that "Five Across the Eyes" had a budget of $4,000. That money *clearly* didn't go towards the "film"!

[@RobewhO]

Finally! I know just how much you loved this totally coherent masterpiece.

[@Engardian]

This movie had a director. Let that sink in. An adult chose to have these scenes filmed and made into a movie.

[@yukiskyzero1313]

I agree with ya there, Phelous. This film is filled with the nauseating shaky cam, annoying whining and crying from the main characters, and even to the point to where I just can't understand what they're saying now...is really giving me such a bad headache watching it. oh and there's the song for the film giving me the ear worm...o.o also, the part where this girl said "If you're killed, you die" part reminds me of a famous anime meme that is similar to this...xD

[@TemmiePlays]

how about in Destiny the game? I didnt think they could die...until they did.

[@Aqua-Marine-UK_1991]

i honestly a lost for words

[@christopherjones8448]

+MLP Aqua-Marine UK The only words I can muster are "I agree" wth was that?

[@12345BarrySanders]

Thank you, Phelous! I waited such a long time for this headache-inducing review to be uploaded!

[@YuzuruA]

I wish Phelous would make more horror reviews... I love his contempt

[@Spaghettineck]

When u start singing that song @5:04 i almost spit my drink out

[@yourmother7052]

15:09 Apparently getting blood thrown in your eyes causes you to transform into Bobcat Goldthwait.

[@benjamingreenwood7370]

Give it this, Phelous; This is an accurate representation of how high school girls would react in a situation like this. Believe me.

[@benjamingreenwood7370]

The ones at my high school probably would have reacted this way.

[@troin3925]

Benjamin Greenwood Regardless, it doesn’t make for good entertainment like everything else in this movie.

[@gracekim25]

Well that’s a giant generalisation if I ever heard it!😶 not everyone who was in high school or a girl was ever this insufferable or stupid 😬

[@TheDracoChick]

I like how the edited versions of this review are actually funnier than the original version. lol

[@Des-rh9zn]

that opening was the best thing to come from this movie

[@حمراموت]

Year 2022 - this still one of my favourite phelous reviews 💕

[@DarkArtistKaiser]

Wait, there are FIVE girls? I honestly though there were only 3 all this time.

[@missmoanypants]

I'd love to hear the Cinema Snob's thoughts on this "movie". Appreciate this one, you killed your brain cells so we don't have to.

[@U014B]

Idunno, I caught a wicked contact... uh, brain cell... killing.

[@FilmmakerJ]

Dang, Phelous. You used to get really angry and almost vicious in your old reviews. Guess Goodtimes Entertainment doesn't encourage as much heated rage. Plenty of WTF moments, though. lol

[@Magitek1112]

Five Across the Eyes..It may as well have been called Facepalm.

[@youwayo]

The review itself is way better than the movie

[@fleacythesheepgirl]

Based off the title of the movie I thought it was a western...

[@MorrisseyMuse]

This is one of my favourite reviews out of all the many critics out there. You are hilarious and genuinely seem to have suffered for us all lol Thanks Phelan and keep up the amazing work you do forever more! :)

[@AlfredoFilmGeek]

Best ending skit ever!

[@dragoonofrivia23]

Doing a binge watch of these old reviews. This honestly seems like the worst of the horror films you reviewed, Phelous. And considering you reviewed the Troll series, Hobgoblins and Skinned Deep... That's saying a lot. Always an excellent watch, God bless you, sir!

[@bridie1824]

Phelous you should review the found footage film "Megan is Missing" its fucking awful, the acting in ut is some if the worst I've ever seen

[@fengy5629]

+Bridie Shaw oh my god that would be hilarious

[@Wobinator45]

+Bridie Shaw I loved that film, it was scary because its based on true events. I have talked to the actor Amber Perkins she actually thought the film was really well done.

[@bridie1824]

prtonananaloski2 for an independent film it was pretty decent but you have to admit the acting is terrible for the most part. The second half of the movie is much better than the first half though :)

[@Lesbiwolf92]

+Wobinator Megan is missing comes off as extreme propaganda, it portrays young people as nothing but brain dead idiots that will drink,snort,inject and fuck everything and that everyone on the internet wants to kidnap, rape and murder your children. It has so many details that make me question just how much they used from this supposed real life story since it wouldn't be the first time a movie claimed to be based on real life only to be based so loosely on a story it might have never bothered mentioning it.

[@TheDeldiz]

+Wobinator Was Amber Perkins in it? If so, I'm pretty sure there's some bias there.

[@WarBeasty]

Well, I was just about to watch this movie, but I saw your review right there, so I thought I'll give this review a watch first.. I gotta say thank you... You have saved me from wasting my precious time on this turd. You are a saint for making the sacrifice of your time, so that we won't have to.

[@fleakletheotter]

Thank you for making the most obnoxious film I've ever heard of into an entertaining experience. :)

[@eddiedingle767]

Funny thing about the song “The Way”, it’s actually about an old couple who got lost and murdered; fits perfectly

[@didgereemedia194]

Smith Curry however, these bitches live. FUCK

[@Squirreltasticqueen]

I've rewatched this and had a thought. These days they have dash cams, front and rear, and interior cams. You could totally make this a found footage movie. Establish also that the girl driving has over protective parents that would buy the cams, even make it a model of van with a rear backing up cam. Like could you imagine, you're lost, it's about 11pm you and your friends are cursing over how the gps is shit and you don't have a signal in the middle of this farm land. You roll up the window because it's a little chilly. The view cuts to the back up cam and the viewer sees a shadow skitter on by it looks like it's headed for the driver's side.

[@Reemus4]

I have the script of this movie, you have it too. Because there is none!

[@ilikethecokev2]

+Reemus4 The backup script of the movie was that pile of shit the one girl tried throwing at the crazy lady.

[@bringerofchaos]

Anyone notice that Five across the eye is F.A.T.E? really... that can't be why right?

[@SesshaXIII]

The ending theme song for the movie sounds like something you'd hear in an indie game like Super Amazing Wagon Adventures

[@TheDepressed100]

SesshaXIII or something BOTDF would make without Dahvie Vanity

[@leocush2653]

Haven't finished watching but there are 5 of them..... and they knocked her down at least twice so far..... get a big freaking rock and cave that crazy woman's head in, story over. Edit) wow they actually ganged up on her..... way to late but hey they did the smart thing eventually..... only after they've all been brutalized in one way or another.... honestly the crazy lady should have won. Those girls seriously just asked for trouble and more trouble. "Lets take this road I have no idea where it goes" and 5 minutes later "Oh no I'm lost" (takes entirely different road) "I'm still lost boo hoo" And just for clarification I would feel the same if this was a bunch of dudes.... actually would have found the movie more amusing seeing a bunch of dudebros having the same kind of freak outs and stupid logic, just because for the most part breaks the stereotype of "hysterical teen girls". Which is basically what this movie is. One big trope of "I'm a woman therefore either I'm a hot stupid teen OR a psycho with no motivation besides "I'm crazy".